Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort

Subject: Lyr Add: WHO'LL GO TO MORECAMBE? / THE LAST RESORT
From: Ross Campbell
Date: 13 Jun 09 - 07:03 PM

Who'll Go To Morecambe? / The Last Resort       Ron Baxter 30/7/94

When I were a`young'un I lived wi' me dad
Me Mam, and our dog named Rover
Money were tight wi' me dad on the dole
I tell you we weren't in clover
Then in '59 me mother said, "Son
Yer dad some brass on Vernon's has won
He sez now we`ll have some fun,
He's booked us a fortnight in Morecambe!"
So we took the coach down to Morecambe
Though I were sick twice on the way
I'd me bucket and spade, for which dad had paid
Though the spade it were pinched the next day.

When we got to Morecambe we were dumped on the Prom
In the teeth of a North West monsoon
Wi' that to our backs, clad in plastic macs
We went off in search of our room.
When we saw the landlady our faces they fell
She looked just like Goering, the truth for to tell
She showed us our room, it were more like a cell
Dad said he'd known better in Strangeways!
And in that boarding house in Morecambe
Dad 'ad booked a room wi' a view
But the view that he got, it wasn't a lot
Just next door's second floor loo!

The very first morning to breakfast sat down
The porridge was like Polyfilla
The eggs were like rubber, the bacon like teak
The tea tasted of cockroach killer.
But the fish kedgeree knocked me arse over head
All of that night I daren't go to bed
I just sat on the lavvy instead
Then I knew there were worse things than dying!
And for entertainment in Morecambe
They watch the lights change, green to red
And if they get bored, I am assured
Watch green change to amber instead.

And every morning I walked on the Prom
And watched all the people pass by me
The mindless, the witless, the mad, the insane
Who dwell in this open-air prison!
So I turned myself round and looked to the sea
Well at least to the spot where the sea ought to be
And I said to myself, "This isn't happening to me!"
But it was, By God! More`s the pity!
And a band played each day in Morecambe
And Elgar and Handel were slain
And then at half past three, they stopped for tea
Then they murdered them over again.

For two lonely weeks we tried to survive
In that hell of mud, sludge and water.
Mother got cranky and swore at me dad
And said he should not have brought her.
Never again by the adverts get caught
Never return to that dreadful port,
For Morecambe, it is the last resort!
Next year we're going to Knott End!
As our coach pulled out of Morecambe
We had our last view of the bay
Nobody cheered, just made rude signs and jeered.
Then we all turned our faces away.

And now as I sit here, by the bus stop
And watch all the coaches roll by me
Some go to Bognor, some to Southport
To Cleethorpes or Clacton or Filey
But some I can see by the sign o'er their door
That they are heading for Morecambe`s shore
And the young people ask "What are they going for?"
And I ask myself the same question.
But drivers still shout "Coach for Morecambe!"
And some fools still answer the call
But year by year the numbers get fewer
Someday no one will go there at all.


Who'll go to Morecambe? Who'll go to Morecambe?
Who'll go to Morecambe, to Morecambe with me?
"O I will" said that young man, just released from Whittingham!
"I`ll go to Morecambe, to Morecambe with thee!"



Lyrics © Ron Baxter 1994, ed Ross Campbell from Ron's original floppy disc version
(Tune © Eric Bogle, The Band Played Waltzing Matilda)



Suibhne O'Piobearachd requested this on the "Beware The Fylde Coast Sands" thread. Recovered from Ron's fifteen-year-old floppy discs. Edited by me to correct some strange punctuation marks that MS Word objected to, and Ron's eccentric spelling. Ron sang this as part of our (Red Duster) seaside set in Morecambe's "Great British Fish & Chip Festival" a few years ago without getting us lynched (mind you, we were performing in Heysham at the time!)

Ross

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 14 Jun 09 - 04:20 AM

Thanks for that, Ross. I regard this as amongst Mr Baxter's masterworks, all the more so as the entire notion of Folk Parody itself becomes parodied to quite sublime, and unsettling, effect. In recent performances at he's rendered the ending as:

Who'll go to Morecambe? Who'll go to Morecambe?
Who'll go to Morecambe, to Morecambe with me?
"O I will" said that young man, in the Care of the Community!
"I`ll go to Morecambe, to Morecambe with thee!"

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Leadfingers
Date: 14 Jun 09 - 06:48 AM

Good Stuff , but Bognor is DEFINATELY the last resort !

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Sailor Ron
Date: 15 Jun 09 - 03:41 AM

Bognor! Have you been to Morecambe?

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Res
From: Ross Campbell
Date: 15 Jun 09 - 03:48 AM

If you haven't been to both, you're not really in a position to judge.
If you have been to both, you have my sympathy.
If you haven't been to either, you have been warned!

Ross

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 15 Jun 09 - 04:03 AM

Is this song now added to the Digital Tradition? If not, what's the process? At least one of Ron's songs is in there - I found accidentally whilst searching for Poor Old Horse...

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Will Fly
Date: 15 Jun 09 - 04:10 AM

As I understand it, the "Lyr Add" prefix to the post header means it will get picked up by the appropriate person at Mudcat and added to the DT in due course.

Incidentally, Morecambe and Bognor are about equal in the "last resort" stakes - with the difference that Morecambe has a superb view of the Lakes, and Bognor does not.

In any case, the "last resort" epithet was originally applied to Hove - which once styled itself "a better class of resort". Ye gods.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: GUEST,Roger Knowles
Date: 15 Jun 09 - 05:07 AM

This is just wonderful! A true comment on the town.
My paternal grandparents ran a Morecambe boardinghouse in the '50's. Nan ran it on the Belsen principle,"6d. extra for use of cruet" etc. but guests(victims) were evicted after breakfast to roam Morecambe in the rain and cold until teatime.
The late Les Dawson covered the theme pretty well in some of his sketches.
I went to Morecambe a couple of years ago and it's closed, apart from charity shops.
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: greg stephens
Date: 15 Jun 09 - 06:37 AM

Try the Midland Hotel now, on the front in Morecambe. Fantastic bit of art-deco modernism, and getting rather trendy again since Urban Splash took it over.
I wrote a song about Morecambe for a theatre show in the early 70's, but alas I can't find the script.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 15 Jun 09 - 06:56 AM

Morecambe does have it's good points of course; here I am with one of them: Bring Me Sunshine. But if ever you're in the area pass Morecambe by and head for Heysham and / or Sunderland Point instead.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 15 Jun 09 - 07:00 AM

Best make that Sunderland Point - though the above link takes to my North West Culture Trail folder, including a Brief Encounter at Carnforth and the various tributes left on Sambo's Grave, also at Sunderland Point.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Leadfingers
Date: 15 Jun 09 - 07:13 AM

At least from Morecambe there is (? STILL) a tram to Blackpool

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 15 Jun 09 - 07:23 AM

If it went the direct route it would get very wet! I'm not sure when the Lancaster/Morecambe trams stopped but it was many years ago.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Res
From: Ross Campbell
Date: 15 Jun 09 - 06:15 PM

You can get by train from Blackpool to Morecambe (via Preston and Lancaster) - actually the only conceivable reason for attempting the journey would be to visit Preston and Lancaster - much more interesting stuff in either place.

Leadfingers, you may be thinking of the Blackpool and FLEETWOOD Tramway which still runs all the way from the Knott End Ferry in Fleetwood to Starr Gate on the south edge of Blackpool. The Fleetwood section is the only surviving town-centre tram line in the UK, the Blackpool off-promenade routes were chopped many years ago. In early days the line extended on through St Annes to Lytham.

Most tramways were run by local corporations owned by their local councils. This meant they wouldn't normally extend their range beyond the local authority boundary. The combination of Blackpool and Fleetwood across boundaries, and the huge catchment of visitors that gives it, may help to explain its survival (its unique coastal run must be some help as well).

Ross

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 15 Jun 09 - 08:05 PM

For people unacquainted with the Lancashire coast - go to Google Maps, and type "Fleetwood + Morecombe" in the search box. You'll see that Morecombe is more or less next town over to Fleetwood, which is where Ron Baxter hails from. Fleetwood's derby, in football terms - which explains the motivation of Ron's song. Great stuff.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Res
From: Ross Campbell
Date: 15 Jun 09 - 09:19 PM

EasyCinema (and eBay, and probably anything that doesn't use Google Maps) reckons that the Apollo Cinema in Morecambe is a mere 11.67 miles from us here in Fleetwood. Great if it were true (the Apollo is just across the road from The Platform, scene of such folky events as reach the shores of Morecambe). Alas, the reality is nearer thirty miles and a good hour on the road. The intervening rivers Wyre and Lune have considerable estuaries necessitating a wide detour. Heysham Nuclear Power Station (huge blockhouse visible from the moon) impedes a direct line-of sight view between Fleetwood and Morecambe, otherwise we could jump up and down on our respective foreshores and make rude signs at each other (don't tell me you never wanted to do that to those toffee-nosed Welwyn Garden City types, Kevin?) (apart from the foreshore bit).

Ross

And the Platform is just across another road from the Midland Hotel that Greg mentioned above, just emerged glistening from the scaffolding cocoon of the last couple of years. This is the second attempt at re-incarnation for this classic thirties building since I've been living down here - let's hope it lasts better than the previous effort. Morecambe has several other listed buildings from the period, Woolworths being one. Don't know whether anyone has taken that one on.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Res
From: Will Fly
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 02:21 AM

The Fleetwood section is the only surviving town-centre tram line in the UK

Aren't there trams in Croydon?

In any case, a pint of Sam Smiths in Glasson Dock was always a pleasure on that part of the coast - or a lock-in at Ma McCluskeys...

There used to be a pub in Lancaster known as The Tubs - the tables were beer barrels - and it was the only pub I've ever frequented which had a "women only" bar. Woe betide any male who unwittingly entered - he'd be subjected to a stream of coarse witticisms from the ladies supping their milk stout which would drive out even the hardest herbert.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: GUEST, Sminky
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 06:42 AM

My Granddad (a Morecambe resident during his retirement years) always said that not completing Morecambe Tower - "a tower upon a scale somewhat in excess as regards attractiveness and different in construction to the towers of Blackpool and Paris" - was a big mistake.

I'll never forget my annual visit to Happy Mount Park during the illuminations as a kid. Magical.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 07:57 AM

We've got a vintage repro postcard on the wall of our Water Closet which proclaims Morecambe to be The Naples of the North; it also illustrates a vast conical structure which I take it must be the Morecambe Tower. A Google search draws a blank, though for some reason The Polo Tower is still standing...

An adjoining postcard on our WC wall would appear to proclaim Fleetwood to be The Ferry Entrance to Knott End, reminding me of the following wee parody collected from the back of the toilet door in The Steamer during the Fylde Festival 2008:   

Her keel is made of plywood, where her chassis used to be,
Though now they've called her Wyre Rose, she was once the Number 2C,
But the Sheep-Shaggers left her up on bricks and her wheels away they rolled,
But the bus driver, a Cod Head, said "Let's sail her 'cross Canshe Hole!"

She is homeward bound returning, she is homeward bound returning,
She is homeward bound returning -
from Knott End -
Where the hell's Knott End?
It's over there!
St. Bernard's-on-Sea...

Wyre Rose - God bless her & all who sail in her!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 08:31 AM

Morecambe Tower

Read all about its sad fate HERE.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: GUEST, Sminky
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 08:32 AM

Morecambe Tower was indeed conical (comical?).

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Res
From: Ross Campbell
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 09:41 AM

The advertising links at the bottom of Suibhne's link say it all - "Cheap Holidays to Greece", "Cheap Flights to Palma", "Cheap Flights to Newcastle" (sic).

I couldn't spot Brucciani's the last time I drove down the front. Somebody please tell me it's still there.

Exerpts from Kathryn Flett's 1999 article from the Observer (somebody else's editing - I can't find the original article):-
From The Observer, first published 25th July 1999

"For many years Morecambe seemed to be in denial about its ignominious slide in status - there is, of course, no longer any need for a glamorous gilded 3000 seat theatre in a town with a declining tourist trade, a place where the summer season artistes include a magician called Harvey Rush and Paul Wheater singing Jim Reeves and other country favourites'...

...The Labour council managed to get quite a bit done, enthusing the town with a bit of a 'vision', but residents lost faith after the premature announcement of an exciting revenue generating new tourist-attraction, a Noel Edmonds-endorsed Crinkley Bottom theme park

Mr Blobby-land soon went spectacularly, and very publicly, belly-up, however, and the local council is now run by a bunch of Independents.

...The ongoing £40million redevelopment is making a difference to Morecambe but it still feels like a town with one foot planted firmly in the past and the other poised hesitantly, waiting to step forward.

On the seafront, Gypsy Lee, who has plied her trade in Morecambe for 46 years ('my mother was here for 60') reads my palm for a tenner.

I'm going to live to a great age, apparently and although I've had a 'difficult few years, surrounded by chaos, things are looking up'. In fact, things look up rather faster than I expect as soon as I stumble across P. Brucciani, purveyors of award-winning Ice-cream, tea, coffee and snacks.

With its red formica tables linoleum and acid-etched glass Venetian scene, Brucciani's is a perfectly preserved slice of the 1930s...

If this were Brighton it would he abuzz with earnest conversation over Penguin classics and the fog of a million Marlboro.

But this is Morecambe and there is only me, six septuagenarians in Pacamacs and even though it is run by Italians, there is no espresso machine.

Despite this, it is heaven."

And revisited more recently:-

Kathryn Flett, Observer, May 2008

Incidentally, the "Crinkley Bottom theme park" is what they did to Happy Mount Park, referred to by Sminky above. Happily, all traces of Blobbiness (and, sadly, the money) have long since disappeared. I remember it as the site of the Morecambe Illuminations (RIP)

Ross

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: greg stephens
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 09:51 AM

Well worth a visit, if you like spectacular views, or mud.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: GUEST, Sminky
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 10:34 AM

I don't know if the Morecambe branch of Brucciani's is still there. The one in Preston certainly is. Same family, same journey back in time.

The Morecambe donkeys' stables were at the bottom of the road where my grandparents lived - I used to watch them being shepherded home after a long day on the sands. You could hear their bells a mile away.

The house opposite was a boarding house and many of the 'stars' would stay there. I well remember once watching Hilda Baker getting changed in the front bedroom (not all memories are happy ones!).

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 11:54 AM

Who needs The Midland when you've got such architectural wonders as This upon which to soothe those sore eyes? Not only did someone design it, but someone approved it, and someone built it; thus it stands testimony to the spirit of the post-post-modernist lethargy which future generations will look back upon and shite themselves laughing. Insult to injury!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 11:55 AM

Forgive my lax HTML above there - I hit submit instead of preview...

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 11:57 AM

This was still there last time we were passing...

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Leadfingers
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 06:35 PM

Thanks for the correction Ross ! I plead Old Age and Stupidity , with the exonerating fact that its 54 years since I left Blackpool .
Of Course , the trams ran only to Fleetwood !

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Res
From: Ross Campbell
Date: 16 Jun 09 - 09:57 PM

You're welcome, Leadfingers - if you ever get back to these parts I hope you'll call in at Fleetwood Folk Club, Thursday nights at the Steamer on Dock Street, where you may well find one or three of the above contributors, including the author of the scurrilous calumny on the fair name of Morecambe that started this thread off - and any contributions of your own in the way of tunes or songs will be given warm appreciation.

Ross

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 17 Jun 09 - 05:06 AM

the trams ran only to Fleetwood !

In Roman times they probably ran further as evidence of Roman tracks have been reported out near the Wyre Light suggesting the possibility of a tram-link between Fleetwood and Morecambe across what is now Morecambe Bay. The good news is that Morecambe took its name from the bay, and not the other way round.

Here's a picture of Abigail H sailing out of Fleetwood last year, no doubt on a mission to excavate those lost tram-tracks of yore. She sank in Heysham harbour not long after this picture was taken (see HERE) but was successfully re-floated and was recently seen tethered up safe and sound in the inner dock at Fleetwood. Here she is back in March with an admirer...

An Unrequited Love: Abigail H & Sedayne - Wyre Dock, March 2009

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: GUEST, Sminky
Date: 17 Jun 09 - 05:39 AM

There's also a Roman tram track from Preston to Kirkham, from where it veers north west towards the coast. Archaeologists don't know its final destination, but it's Blackpool tram depot innit?

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Res
From: Ross Campbell
Date: 17 Jun 09 - 02:22 PM

Roman tram leaving a Roman tram-depot

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 26 Jan 10 - 12:21 PM

Refresh

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: GUEST,sas1969
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 07:10 AM

Ross you are showing a picture from Heysham, from the grounds of St Patricks chaple, this was not taken in morecombe. Heysham is a lovley place and if anyone who has not been there, they can not comment. I agree Morecombe is not the best place to come for your holidays or even a day trip and you can see the sites in 2 hours but the surrounding villages make up for that. so don't tar us with the same brush, My family memebers past and present have lived in the village for over 300 years and we are proud of our village. Voted Village in bloom 2010.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: GUEST,Suibhne Astray
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 07:51 AM

Heysham's nice enough; self-consciously picturesue in contast, no doubt, to the ugly great nuclear power station that defines the coast for miles around. Some nice details though, such as THIS in the graveyard overlooking the bay.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Res
From: Ross Campbell
Date: 24 Jan 11 - 07:57 PM

sas1969 - you may be referring to one of my friend Suibhne's pics. I would certainly agree that Heysham has charms that its near neighbour Morecambe does not. One asset that may have disappeared is the local brew - Nettle Beer - several local houses, cafes and pubs used to produce this beverage but I was unable to find any last visit.

Please remember that the song is very much tongue in cheek ("Oh, No it's not!" - Ron Baxter). Morecambe still retains a few of its former glories. The Midland Hotel's newly-restored Art Deco style used to be reflected by a string of shop fronts of the period, some of which persist despite no longer housing Woolworths, Timothy White's, etc. The wonderful Winter Gardens is currently "in the care of the community" awaiting a new purpose in life - it featured in the recent Morecambe and Wise drama by local heroine Victoria Wood. There's an excellent second-hand bookshop on the front with unparalleled views over the bay to the Lake District hills (and another even larger one in nearby Carnforth, where you can also patronise the very Station Refresh used in the wartime classic "Brief Encounter"). A little further north round the bay are Silverdale and Arnside, off the beaten track because everybody (else) whizzes past to get to the Lake District, but great for walks and http://www.arnsidechipshop.co.uk/ at the end of the day!

Suibhne also mentioned Sunderland Point which is a very atmospheric place to visit. This very informative blog The-Grave-of-Black-Sambo--Lancaster-and-the-Legacy-of-Slavery
describes a local feature that is well worth seeking out. "Sambo" was one of Alan Bell's most popular songs when I moved to this area forty years ago:-

"Sambo you lie so far from home,
quietly by the seashore, never more to roam,
Sleeping, or so your gravestone says
Waiting for your master, these long and lonely days."

Can't find the rest at the moment - it's in the Alan Bell Songbook.

Ross

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: GUEST,Yhomas
Date: 27 Feb 11 - 08:52 AM

To see the morcambe sea shore

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Max Johnson
Date: 27 Feb 11 - 01:19 PM

I've lived in Heysham for the past 8 years, and I love it! It's a pretty village with a fascinating past, two Saxon churches (three if you count the one of which not a trace remains), 17th century cottages, Celtic, angle and Viking archeaology and Village in Bloom as sas1969 says. The Royal keeps its guest ales well and does meals till 8:30, there are pleasant walks along the cliff and the views are breathtaking (weather permitting). Heysham Heritage Association runs an visitor's centre on the main street and a little further down the coast we've got a harbour and a nuclear power station (which you can't see from the village). We can no longer sell nettle beer because we don't have a licensed brewery in which to make it, but you can get a recipe from the Heritaqe Centre.

Morecambe has a fantastic promenade. Go to the end of the Stone Jetty on a windy day and enjoy a bacon buttie and a cup of tea. Wonder at the Art Deco architecture and Eric Gill murals of the Midland Hotel. There's the wonderful second hand Pier Books bookshop
at the northern end of the sea front, and Artisan Cafe next door.

The bay is one of the most important breeding and wintering grounds in Europe for Estuary birds. I was watching Curlews on the beach yesterday from the promenade. It's surrounded by areas of outstanding natural beauty, and the nearby Georgian town of Lancaster has decent Farmers' markets twice a week.

BUT - Don't go into Morecambe itself, and don't on any account speak to anybody. If you do, you will probably be killed and eaten.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Who'll Go To Morecambe? /The Last Resort
From: Ross Campbell
Date: 27 Feb 11 - 04:40 PM

That's probably why the holiday trade fell away - no repeat business!

Ross