Silly short songs

Subject: Silly short songs
From: Tradsinger
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 10:56 AM

Can anyone add to the following list of non-songs:

(A la Nat King Cole) "Unforgettable, that's... um...."

"You made me love you,
You woke me up to do it, you woke me up to do it"

"I'm just a girl who cain't say n.. n.. n..."

Or in the folk idiom:

"The gallant frigate Amphirite, she sank in Plymouth sound"

"The rain is softly falling, and the Oggy Man's still there"

"As I was a walking down Paradise Street, ... nothing happened"

"My name it is Van Gogh, lend an ear, lend an ear..."

From the 60s:

"My trousers they are baggy, I know they are, I know they are
I had them made so they would catch the wind."

There must be hundreds of others. Please send them in.

Tradsinger

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: MtheGM
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 11:06 AM

"Tom Pearce, Tom Pearce, lend me your grey mare."

"No!"

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: frogprince
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 11:30 AM

I think Garth Brooks should be burned for sacrilige. Over 50 years ago, I heard Carl Sandburg sing the world's shortest blues lyric:

Papa loved Mama; Mama loved men;
Mama's in the graveyard; Papa's in the pen.

Brooks stuck that in as part of the chorus of a full length song; I doubt if more than a tiny fraction of those who hear it have any idea where he got it, and he ruined the whole point of it.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Les in Chorlton
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 11:46 AM

It's true my love has listed to 45 degrees

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 12:32 PM

"My name it is Van Gogh, lend an ear, lend an ear..."......of course, there's an entire song to go with this.

But there's always,
"Michael, row the boat ashore,
For I fear I've lost my oar."

or
"When the saints go marchin' in,
Oh I want to see one stumble..."

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Barbara
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 12:42 PM

Is this short enough?

I'm in the nude for love, stripping because you're near me,
Funny but when....
Funny butt? Who's got a funny butt?
Get your clothes on and get out of here!

Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Young Buchan
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 12:44 PM

Oh hangman stay thy eeaarrgghh.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Leadfingers
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 01:01 PM

Marty Robbins took (I Think) about six minutes ! try :-

One night in the Wild West town of El Paso

I met a girl and I got shot and died .

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Acorn4
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 01:08 PM

Minimalism - no!

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Paul Reade
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 01:42 PM

The world's shortest blues: "I overslept this morning"

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 02:22 PM

The keeper did a shooting go, and on the way he dropped his bow...

As I walked out one May morning
Nothing happened so I went home

The gallant frigate Araldite, she stuck to Plymouth Sound

Did you ever see a wild goose sailing over the ocean?
Nope

If I only could remember just what I have done...


Kitty

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: MtheGM
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 02:43 PM

"Bugger-off, all ye..."

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Don Firth
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 02:57 PM

To "Don't Get Around Much Anymore:"

Missed the toilet last night;
Got it all on the floor.
Cleaned it up with my toothbrush.
Don't brush my teeth much anymore. . . .

Don Firth

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Don Firth
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 03:08 PM

On "The Red Green Show," a Canadian comedy show, there is a recurring character who is a roofer by trade and who aspires to become a country singer. Whenever he appears, he's always wearing a cast and a neck brace and he has a guitar sitting on his lap. He writes his own songs, to which the other characters tend to grimace and wince. Here's one of his songs. Not exact, but as close as I can remember it. It doesn't rhyme, it doesn't scan, and it can be sung to any rambling tune that you can make up on the spot.

When you feel like a frog hopping down the road of life,
And everything that happens to you feels like a steel-belted radial,
Just remember as you lay there in a puddle of your assorted bodily fluids,
That
At least
You made
Your mark.

Don Firth

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Arkie
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 03:34 PM

Heard John Denver sing this once:

Ballad of Spiro Agnew

I'll sing you the ballad of Spiro Agnew
And all the things he has done.

(followed by a minute or so of silence and then a giggle)

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Tradsinger
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 05:22 PM

A good start,

I have just remembered the start of the shift-worker's blues:

"Went to bed this morning ....."

Tradsinger

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 05:31 PM

There were two brothers, two noble warriors
They fell in love with a lady gay
She wasn't interested, of course
So they went home...

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Joe_F
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 05:55 PM

On Friday morning we set sail,
And we sank to the bottom of the sea.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Dave MacKenzie
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 06:39 PM

There were a lot of what we called short ballads around in the 60s.

If you ever go across the sea to Ireland
I hope the bloody boat sinks on the way.

I am a man of constant sorrow - bang!

Where have you been all day, Henry my son?
Out.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Gurney
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 07:31 PM

Lasla Feyer stole a stallion,
His sister tried to bribe the judge.
She got screwed and he got hung,
Serve the pair of bastards right!

I googled Lasla Feyer to check the spelling, and found the old 'Mini Ballads' thread where I posted it before!

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: GUEST,Gerry
Date: 01 Nov 09 - 07:55 PM

Allan Sherman was the master of the genre, giving us

I know a man, his name is Lang, and he has a neon sign/Now Mr Lang is very old, so they call it Old Lang's Sign.

and [to the tune of Aura Lee]

Every time you take vaccine, take it orally. As you know, the otehr way is more painfully.

and

On top of Old Smokey, all covered with hair/Of course I'm referring to Smokey the Bear.

and so many others. Many to be found at http://dmdb.org/sherman/

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: muppett
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 05:09 AM

Are you going to Scarbrough fair?
No !

Puff the Magic Dragon lived by the sea,
and drowned

I've been a wild Rover for many a year and spent all me money on whisky & beer,
and now I'm skint

Is this the way to Amerillo?
No

Well how do you do young Willie Mcbride
(He's dead)

It's a long long way from Claire to Here
I know

What shall we do with the drunken sailor
Nowt let him sleep it off

Have you seen the old man in the closed down market?
Yep.

We looked for the sloop john B, ME Grand pappy and me.
And we couldn't find it.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: BobKnight
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 05:32 AM

My son wrote a wee song which goes:
"I started writing this song,
but then I turned the TV on."

That's it!!

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 05:45 AM

Tennyson's "Charge of the Light Brigade" (condensed) :

"Half a league, half a league, half a league onwards.

Then they rode home, but not the 600".

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Dead Horse
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 06:38 AM

This is the story of the old 49
Fastest locomotive on the Santa Fe line
She left Baltimore at a helluva dash
She arrived on time and she did not crash!

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 06:54 PM

One of my cohorts hit my send key before anything was on the page....sorry.

I like the Johnny Cash takeoff on "I Walk the Line."

I keep my eyes wide open all the time.
I keep my pants up with a piece of twine.
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds;
Just say you're mine.....I'll cut the twine.

another;

Wonder why there's no sun up in the sky,
Must be nighttime...

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Dave MacKenzie
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 07:13 PM

Ground Control to Major Thom (2*)
Switch off that tv camera and put your trousers on.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Acorn4
Date: 02 Nov 09 - 07:19 PM

Fairly short and a bit silly:-

Famous Belgians

Someone I know does a 20 second version of Tam Lin - does anyone know that one?

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 12:15 AM

Tom Paxtons great song ' The Ballad of Spiro Agnew '

I'll sing of Spiro Agnew,
And all the things he's done.


Dave H

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Joe Offer
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 01:06 AM

World's shortest cowboy song:

I'm so lonesome in the saddle
Since my horse died.

Succinct, isn't it?

-Joe-

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Tradsinger
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 02:36 AM

People will say we're in...sane.

I think that I will never see
A dog that walks right past a tree.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Genie
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 03:19 AM

OK, Joe, you beat me to the dead horse song, but here's another succinct western ditty:

Blood on the saddle, blood on the ground,
Blood sprayed everywhere around.
Pity the cowboy lyin' there dead -
The damned fool horse done stepped on his head!

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: TwickFolk
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 03:51 AM

The great Shel Silverstein (who wrote 'Boy Named Sue', 'Queen of The Silver Dollar', 'Ballad of Lucy Jordan', 'Cover of Rolling Stone' among others) came up with a great country pastiche (which you can hear on Spotify)

Intro

Verse "All the DJs keep complaining my tunes are way too long
So I went and wrote myself a twenty six second song"

Turnaround lick to close.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Tradsinger
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 03:56 AM

I see by your outfit that you are a cowboy
I see by my outfit that I'm a cowboy too
We see by our outfits that we both are cowboys
If you get an outfit you can be a cowboy too.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 04:00 AM

As I walked out on the streets of Laredo,
It was half day closing, feck.

Dave H

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Dave MacKenzie
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 12:33 PM

Blood on the Saddle's a bit longer - I think I got in from Sing Out:

There was blood on the saddle,
And blood on the ground,
And a great big puddle
Of blood all around.

The cowboy lay in it
All covered in gore,
And he won't go riding
No broncos no more.

Oh, pity the cowboy,
All bloody and red,
For his bronco fell on him
And mashed in his head.

There was blood on the saddle,
And blood on the ground,
And a great big puddle
Of blood all around.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: GUEST,Marion Pitman
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 01:09 PM

Dead Man blues -

Didn't wake up this morning


and

A holiday, a holiday, and the first day of the year,
It rained in droves so Matty Groves stayed home and washed his hair.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Songbob
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 02:58 PM

Several things occur to me. One is that I completed the "Ultimate Blues" cited above:

I didn't wake up this morning...
Didn't get out of bed.
But when I didn't miss my baby,
I knew that I was dead.

Didn't have no coffee,
Didn't look down in my cup;
Didn't say, "Good Morning" to the blues,
'Cause I never did wake up.

Cho:

Got those never-no-'mo,
I'm-dead-fo'-sho Blues.

---

I wrote this with some other people, and there are more verses, most of which are puns ("didn't end the day bein' dead-drunk/'cause I started it bein' dead" is one example).

---

But the shortest song I know is (to the tune of "Jealousy"*):

Entropy! Why mussst there ... ZZZ-ZZZ-ZZz (sung in a nodding-off fashion)

Joe Hickerson used to sing one that went,

Come back with my wife, you horse-thief!

---

Bob Clayton

* There is a parody of this song called, "Leprosy," which I think I had in mind when I wrote "Entropy."

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Dead Horse
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 06:28 PM

Modern version of Greenland Whale Fisheries.

Twas in the year of 2009
At half past ten, to the minute
We didnt set sail for to catch any whale
For we had reached our limit!

Napoleons Farewell To Paris

Adieu Paris!

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Dave MacKenzie
Date: 03 Nov 09 - 06:37 PM

Which reminds me of a Pat Sky LP which included "Mississippi John Hurt Sings Gilbert and Sullivan"

Gilbert and Sullivan

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 03:21 AM

I'll sing you one o
One o.

Dave H

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Genie
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 04:27 AM

Flanders and Swann's "Tonga" -

Oh, it's hard to say "Oly-ma-kitty-luca-chi-chi-chi,"
But in Tonga, that means "No"!
If I ever have the money, 'tis to Tonga I shall go.,
For each lovely Tongan maiden there, will gladly make a date,
And by the time she's said: "Oly-ma-kitty-luca-chi-chi-chi,"
It is usually too late!

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 04:44 AM

Tom Pearce, Tom Pearce, lend me your grey mare.

No !

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: MtheGM
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 05:18 AM

Bryan Pugh — look at the 2nd posting on this thread. Mine. Identical to your last one. Copycat!!!

Regards Michael

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: MtheGM
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 05:19 AM

PS - sorry to have spelt your forename wrong, tho...

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: GUEST,Mr Red
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 06:28 AM

When the Alabama's keel was laid, Roll Alabama, Roll,
They went on strike and it never got made, Roll, Roll, Alabama, Roll,

And the first time I sang it - Camell Laird went on strike.


& I sing the words not written by Ogden Nash nor Senator Sam Irvine

The rain it raineth on the just, and also on the unjust fella.
But most it raineth on the just, cos unjust just stole the just's umbrella.

To a tune that resembles "Bold Riley".

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Piers Plowman
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 07:14 AM

As I went out walking on the streets of Laredo
As I was out walking in Laredo one day
I met a young cowboy all dressed in white leather
All dressed in white leather and perfectly healthy.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Piers Plowman
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 07:17 AM

...
Were they spickled and spackled, Lord Randall my son?
Were they spickled and spackled, my darling young one?

No, they were fine, Mother!
No, they were fine, Mother!

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Dead Horse
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 07:43 AM

Oh where have you been, my blue eyed son?
Where have you been, my darling young one?
Out.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Piers Plowman
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 07:56 AM

...
And the very first stroke that Matty struck,
He missed Lord Arlen completely.
And the very first stroke Lord Arlen struck,
Matty put on his clothes and left.

When first I came to Louisville
My fortune there to find
A met a fair young maiden there
We got married and lived happily ever after.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Dave Hunt
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 08:05 AM

I yanked my doodle it was dandy!
________________


She wore no jewels , nor costly diamonds
She wore no clothes - no, bugger all
But a leather G-sting with studs upon it
And round her shoulders was a rubber shawl

_____________

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Tradsinger
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 10:17 AM

(To the tune of Bushes and Briars)

It was on the fifth of August
On March the eighteenth day.

Wha....?

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 11:04 AM

Will ye gang to the Hielans, Leezie Lyndsay ?

No.

(Will these do, MtheGM ?)

How about :

Are ye going to Scarborough Fair ?

No.

Came ye o'er from France ?

No.

Came ye not from Newcastle ?

No.

Will you come to the bower ?

No.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: MtheGM
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 11:23 AM

Bryn - If you had read the thread before adding to it, as is generally considered courteous around here, you would not have repeated one of my postings — particularly one so prominently placed as the first addition to the thread. Why has the fact that you failed to do so motivated you to be rude and aggressive to me? I ask in genuine puzzlement.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Acorn4
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 12:06 PM

Adrian Edmondson and the Bad Shepherds are currently touting this one;

All around my hat I will wear the green willow
All around my hat for a twelvemonth and a day,
And if anybody asks me the reason that I'm wearing it,
I'll say mind your own business,
It's my f***ing hat!

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: GUEST,Barry Morty
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 02:22 PM

The Blues version of Bob Knight's son's song:

Well, I woke up this morning
Went to write down this song
But then I turned my television on

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Hrothgar
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 10:33 PM

There was a wild colonial boy
But the coppers shot him.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: GUEST,Judy Cook
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 10:58 PM

Honey, you're a girl who likes whale meat
That's an important sign.
Funny, I've got nine tons of whale meat
Small whale, wasn't it.


***


The hills are alive....aaaarrrrghhhhh

****


This is your birthday song
It isn't very long.

*****

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Susan A-R
Date: 04 Nov 09 - 11:02 PM

Hmmm, posted a bunch of stuff earlier today, but must have punched the wrong key at the end.

Outside outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend indeed
Inside inside of a dog, it's much too dark, too dark to read.

A baby sardine saw his first submarine and was scared to look through the peephole
"Come, come come" said the sardine's Mum. "It's only a tin full of people.

To the tune of "God Save the King"
The King he had a date, he stayed out very late, he was a King
The Queen she paced the floor, she paced 'til half past four, she meet him at the door
God Save the King.

I grabbed a tulip, a big yellow tulip and you grabbed a big red rose
My house was burning, the green house was burning, and there was no time for clothes
Nest day the jurry condemned us with fury for being so exposed.
I said "judge quit your stalling, the ptals are falling from his tulip and my red rose.

Slithery Dee came out of the sea, he caught all the others, but he won't catch me.
Stupit old Slithery Dee. He caught all the others, but he won't catch . . . SLURP

I could go on, but . .

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: stallion
Date: 05 Nov 09 - 02:49 AM

Burl Ives Hypocondriac song circa 1950's recording(awful spelling I know!)
in one breath

Oh me legs and me liver and me lites and me lungs they're failing me they're failing me my breath is bad my had is sad I think I'm going crazy

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 05 Nov 09 - 04:06 AM

Dear MtheGM,

My sincere and unreserved apology if that is how it came over.

I intended my most recent post very much 'tongue in cheek', and I am truly sorry for having offended you.

Regards, Bryn

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Piers Plowman
Date: 05 Nov 09 - 06:40 AM

Arise, arise, Mary Hamilton
Arise and tell to me
What thou hast done with thy wee babe
I saw and heard weep by thee?

Oh, there she is. Never mind.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: GUEST,*Laura*
Date: 05 Nov 09 - 06:45 AM

"Some songs are very very long,
But this one isn't..."

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Leadfingers
Date: 05 Nov 09 - 07:31 AM

Susan - Slitherydee is another Shel Siverstein ! (ALWAYS credit your source if you can )

And MY Amphetrite short is even shorter than the previous -

The Gallant Frigate Amphetrite sank

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: MtheGM
Date: 05 Nov 09 - 08:17 AM

Dear Bryn: Of course you meant no offence. In return please excuse my tetchiness — must have had a headache or something. The best of us has these moments of touchy idiocy.

Really best regards
    Michael

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 05 Nov 09 - 08:28 AM

Not a problem, MtheGM - everyone has a bad day now and again.


Kind regards, Bryn

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: GUEST,Ian Gill
Date: 05 Nov 09 - 04:19 PM

Taffy Thomas used to do this one years ago, he reckoned it was the shortest sentence in the Bible ;
'Adam ad 'em'.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: GUEST,iancarterb
Date: 05 Nov 09 - 04:34 PM

My recall of Burl Ives' Hypochondriac Song:

Oh my liver, my lights, my legs and my lungs
They're paining me, they're paining me.
My heart is sad and my breath is bad,
And I think I'm going crazy.

Carter

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: stallion
Date: 05 Nov 09 - 07:55 PM

guess I folked it up!

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Piers Plowman
Date: 06 Nov 09 - 05:33 AM

The folk process is ...

Never having to admit you forgot the words.

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Clontarf83
Date: 08 Nov 09 - 01:15 AM

I will sing you a song that's not too long
Policemen have no fathers

(to the tune of the girl i left behind me)

(or politicians have no fathers)

or mba's etc..

Subject: RE: Silly short songs
From: Dave Hunt
Date: 08 Nov 09 - 07:17 AM

Clontarf83 - I'm sure that's


I'll sing you a song and it's not very long
All coppers are bastards

I'll sing you another just like the other
All coppers are bastards

(not necessarily my personal feelings - just how I remember it from when I was involved in CND actions in the 60s!)