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BS: Stupidest Question Asked!

Peter T. 27 Aug 99 - 10:59 AM
JedMarum 27 Aug 99 - 11:14 AM
Rick Fielding 27 Aug 99 - 11:59 AM
Cara 27 Aug 99 - 12:51 PM
Steve Latimer 27 Aug 99 - 12:52 PM
erinmaidin 27 Aug 99 - 01:14 PM
Allan C. 27 Aug 99 - 01:29 PM
Neil Lowe 27 Aug 99 - 01:31 PM
Jen 27 Aug 99 - 01:38 PM
Marion 27 Aug 99 - 02:08 PM
Mike Billo 27 Aug 99 - 04:09 PM
Roger in Baltimore 27 Aug 99 - 04:12 PM
Peter T. 27 Aug 99 - 05:07 PM
Neil Lowe 27 Aug 99 - 06:18 PM
Bev and Jerry 27 Aug 99 - 06:52 PM
Jeremiah McCaw 27 Aug 99 - 07:40 PM
Pelrad 27 Aug 99 - 07:49 PM
bseed(charleskratz) 27 Aug 99 - 07:50 PM
Banjer 27 Aug 99 - 07:52 PM
bill\sables 27 Aug 99 - 07:56 PM
Pelrad 27 Aug 99 - 07:56 PM
bill\sables 27 Aug 99 - 08:21 PM
Banjoman_CO 27 Aug 99 - 08:37 PM
catspaw49 27 Aug 99 - 08:42 PM
annamill 27 Aug 99 - 08:45 PM
Mike Billo 27 Aug 99 - 09:43 PM
JedMarum 27 Aug 99 - 11:29 PM
catspaw49 27 Aug 99 - 11:56 PM
bseed(charleskratz) 28 Aug 99 - 12:22 AM
catspaw49 28 Aug 99 - 12:47 AM
catspaw49 28 Aug 99 - 01:14 AM
Sandy Paton 28 Aug 99 - 02:04 AM
Jeremiah McCaw 28 Aug 99 - 05:54 AM
Banjer 28 Aug 99 - 08:16 AM
Roger in Baltimore 28 Aug 99 - 09:07 AM
catspaw49 28 Aug 99 - 09:14 AM
catspaw49 28 Aug 99 - 09:20 AM
Jeri 28 Aug 99 - 09:22 AM
28 Aug 99 - 09:37 AM
WyoWoman 28 Aug 99 - 10:51 AM
Sandy Paton 28 Aug 99 - 10:55 AM
Alice 28 Aug 99 - 11:18 AM
JedMarum 28 Aug 99 - 11:43 AM
annamill 28 Aug 99 - 12:09 PM
bob schwarer 28 Aug 99 - 01:47 PM
catspaw49 28 Aug 99 - 07:08 PM
Bill D 28 Aug 99 - 07:08 PM
catspaw49 28 Aug 99 - 07:50 PM
catspaw49 28 Aug 99 - 07:52 PM
Jen 28 Aug 99 - 08:55 PM

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Subject: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Peter T.
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 10:59 AM

Rick's posting about Pete Seeger on CNN not being asked "How did you write 'Where Have All...?" reminded me of a small hobby I have of collecting the stupidest questions asked of famous people. Some favourites (all true, or reported as true by the victim):
Once asked of Arlo Guthrie: "What kind of name is Arlo?"
Once asked of Luciano Pavarotti: "If you weren't an opera singer, would you be Luciano Pavarotti?"
Once asked of Sigourney Weaver: "Those scenes in Alien -- could you do those on a full stomach?"
An old favourite, asked of Lily Pons: "When you aren't using your stage name, are you anybody?"
Anyone got any, maybe even asked of you?
The performers among us must have gotten really stupid requests....yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: JedMarum
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 11:14 AM

... well I suppose many performers have similar stories of 'stupid questions' but once upon a time, when I told a pretty young woman who requested a song that I know her her request, she asked for another, and another - I knew none of the ones she ask for ... when she said, 'well just play something good,' I jokingly told her I didn't know any good songs - undeterred, she simply said; well play something that you know!


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 11:59 AM

Yeah, as a performer you get some astonishingly stupid questions, usually asked by radio hosts on so called "Folk Programs". As a Canadian you kind of get used to American interviewers making "Canada = Cold" questions, but my all time favourite happened a number of years ago. In an un-named City (that could have been Boston) a folk host asked (humourously) "Hey, how'd you learn to play guitar while wearing mittens?" I took it as a joke and replied (also joking) "yeah, it was difficult", then added " Do you ever reach for your capo and get your automatic weapon instead?" Naturally, he took an instant hatred to me.

Once I listened to this introduction. "Hey, remember those days of protests, coffee houses, long hair and LSD? Well, we're going to speak to R. F. right now who's been strumming his guitar all the way through it! Hey Rick, bet you can't wait for those Hootenany days to come back!"
My evil twin immediately took over. (it appears in the form of my own personal anti-stupidity super-hero to be rude when neccessary). I proceeded to mention every obscure folk musician I could think of over the (very) short interview and did my best to confuse him totally. He ALSO took an instant hatred to me...but it was worth it!

Rick


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Cara
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 12:51 PM

But, those Canada=cold jokes are so funny...

If you'll consider waitresses as performance artists for a moment, this is the stupidest/funniest question anyone ever asked me:

During a convention at the hotel across the street, the modest "Irish" pub I work(ed) in was jam packed. This convention boasted some particularly annoying and needy attendees, so everyone's temper was a bit short. A man asked me for a Chardonnay, but whemn I brought it back to the table he said he had ordered a red wine. "I'm sorry, sir," I said, "but I'm pretty sure that you ordered a Chardonnay." "Yes," he replied, "but I wanted a RED Chardonnay." I was a little irritated, but I'm no wine expert myself so I brought him a "red Chardonnay" (a burgundy) and asked if they were ready to order. He said they were, but he had one question first: "What type of fish do y'all use in your New York strip?" (this while pointing at the section of the menu clearly labelled STEAKS AND CHOPS)

Second runner up, when I worked at a very busy Starbucks (briefly) a woman asked me if she could set her medium sized dog on the counter while she looked for change. People at Starbucks also often inquired, "Do you sell coffee?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 12:52 PM

Rick,

A scathing but brilliant comeback. Everyone knows we play in gloves with the fingertips cut out.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: erinmaidin
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 01:14 PM

I'm by no means or stretch of the imagination, famous..however...after singin' my heart out one night...some fella approached me and told me he thought I was brilliant....then asked me "Is that your real voice"? Can they be got at Wal-Mart now and I've just not been told???!!!!!!!


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Allan C.
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 01:29 PM

Once I entertained a women's organization by playing a raftload of traditional songs. I included information about the histories, folk idioms, and such. I was about to finish, so I asked if there were any questions. "Yes." replied one young woman, "Do you know 'Last Kiss'?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Neil Lowe
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 01:31 PM

".....testing, testing... Is this thing on?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Jen
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 01:38 PM

"Can you play that?" Asked when I got my harp out of her case at a festival. Noooo... I just carry it around to look cool....*g*

"Do you have any books here?" Asked at the library where I work--seriously.

"You didn't really make that, did you?" Asked at a craft show after reading the sign that said "handmade by Jennifer St.Clair..."

"What is that thing?" Asked at same festival about my harp. I've been asked that about my flutes too, and ocarinas, of course. No one seems to know what an ocarina is.

and my #1 favorite, while sitting at the circulation desk reading the latest Stephen King...

"You don't read *that* kind of book, do you?" No, I'm just sitting here staring at the pages.

Jen


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Marion
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 02:08 PM

I live in an thin-walled apartment building and I'm a novice fiddler, so I often practice outside at a distance to prevent my neighbours from shooting me. One day when I was playing (this was less than half a year after I started fiddle) somebody walking by asked me, "Are you a professional?"

Dumb question maybe, but I liked it.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Mike Billo
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 04:09 PM

Recently while playing at a local bar a fellow came up to me and asked, "You're Brian, aren't you?" to which I replied, "No. My name's Mike. Mike Billo". He said, "Are you sure?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Roger in Baltimore
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 04:12 PM

Reminds me of a song....

I think it was in a Tom Glazer songbook. It was called "Foolish Questions". A sample:

You just fell down the (elevator) shaft,
And you're lying there inert.
Some fool comes up and asks you,
"Hey Buddy, are you hurt?"

CHO:
Foolish questions, what is there to say?
Foolish questions, you hear 'em every day.

For those of you wondering about additional lyrics, I must tell you my brain is empty. The song is not in the DT (probably a C&W song) and not on COWPIE. I am leaving work and won't be back on the 'Cat until Monday.

Roger in Baltimore


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Peter T.
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 05:07 PM

Hilarious! More!
A student of mine asked last year if the compulsory final exam was optional.
yours, Peter T.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Neil Lowe
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 06:18 PM

...only if he had tested out of Semantics 101, it appears....


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Bev and Jerry
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 06:52 PM

We perform mostly in schools. One morning, after we had hauled in all of our stuff and set up the sound system, we were sitting on the stage tuning our instruments. A teacher came in and, after watching us for a little while, she asked, "Do you tune those every day?"

We managed to stifle our urge to reply,"Only on the days we want to sound good!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Jeremiah McCaw
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 07:40 PM

"Have an accident?"

"No thanks, I've already had one."


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Pelrad
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 07:49 PM

This is totally off the topic, but the stupidest question I ever heard was when I worked in a pet store. A woman had come in with her children, and after much deliberation, purchased a little pet and some accessories. About two hours later, she called the shop to ask, "Do hamsters need water?" (Nah, they just suck the moisture out of the wood chips.)

Similarly, I once overheard a woman telling her son that they would get a goldfish because you didn't have to feed them. She left the store with fish, bowl and food, and an education. :-)


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 07:50 PM

What do you mean by is? --seed


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Banjer
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 07:52 PM

For every stupid question is of course a swift reply. If you can keep your wits about you it can be a lot of fun. Having lost my balance attempting to carry an awkward load over a pile of material laying in our shop floor and taken what appeared to be a rather nasty fall, I was asked by several would be rescuers, "Are you all right?" My quick reply was "No dammit, I'm half left!"


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: bill\sables
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 07:56 PM

Not a musical question but some years ago I was an assistant parachute instructor and spent part of the lecture explaining that on the aircraft we were using (a Cessna)we took off the doors before the flight so as to make it easier for exits, One student then asked "If there are no doors on the plane how do we get in?" Later while showing parachute landing falls students were required to twist at their waists so as to land on their five points of contact (feet, calf, thigh, shoulder, shoulder) This same young lady said "If I was supposed to twist like that I would have a thing in the middle for screwing" Cheers Bill


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Pelrad
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 07:56 PM

As for stupid questions asked of celebrities, I saw an interview with Harrison Ford on the Today Show (or something of that genre) when he was hyping Six Days, Seven Nights. The interviewer asked him if it had been difficult to play a character in love with a woman played by a lesbian. I thought it was a stupid question to be asking a professional actor, particularly when you consider the sexual preferences of much of Hollywood (As if Mr. Ford were the first actor ever to kiss a gay person playing a straight character). Gimme a break!


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: bill\sables
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 08:21 PM

We get an Irish programme on TV in the UK called The Late Late Show hosted by Gae Burns. On night he was interviewing Ronnie Drew of the Dubliners He asked Ronnie "Tell me mr. Drew are you an alchoholic?"
Ronnie answered "No I'm a heavy drinker"
Gae Burns; "What's the difference between a heavy drinker and an alchoholic then Mr Drew"
Ronnie Drew; "I don't go to the meetings"
Cheers Bill


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Banjoman_CO
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 08:37 PM

Back when I was playing in coffee houses,one night I was warming up in the back room getting ready to go on. A very pretty young woman walked into the room and asked, "do you play banjo?" I didn't know what to say. Was this an evaluation of my playing or what? Needless to say, I thought about that question all the way through my set. Fred


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 08:42 PM

What is this thread about?

catspaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: annamill
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 08:45 PM

Good one, Catspaw!

L.,A.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Mike Billo
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 09:43 PM

For stupid questions asked of celebrities, and snappy retorts, I've heard a story (that may, or may not, be true)that I love. It goes as follows,

Before JFK was president, he was a Senator from Massachusetts(sp?), one night he and Jackie( who, of course, we remember as a beautiful and very fashion concious woman) were dining in a restaraunt, and Groucho Marx was eating at the next table.

Jackie leaned over and asked, "Pardon me, aren't you Groucho Marx?'

Groucho replied, "I was about to ask you the same question".


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: JedMarum
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 11:29 PM

How about a stupid answer .... I was working a construction job many years ago, building a swimming pool for a woman who seemed to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. I had tried to be friendly in the few conversations we had, but she didn't seem to respond to normal humor ... so when she offered me a cup of coffee at one point during my visit there, and offered to prepare it for me, I thought I had my chance. "How do you take your coffee," she asked.

"Orally," was my simple rely.

"No," she deadpanned, humorlessly, "I mean what do you put in it?"

My best and brilliant, if impromptu commentary had fallen on comic-deaf ears! I must admit, I enjoyed a quiet lonely laugh over my own retort ... but otherwise, have I been forced to save the story for y'all many years later ... in case there's a chuckle or two left in it!


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: catspaw49
Date: 27 Aug 99 - 11:56 PM

I know that Banj can probably relate better to some of these, but anyone who repairs anything gets some well meant, but sorta' sillyass questions!!! Before returning to my younger days, most of my life was spent in the auto repair business; either doing it or selling the equipment used in garages. Don't ask how a guy with a BA in Philosophy spends a career in the automotive repair business...... Anyway, people can ask the best intentioned questions which come off as absolutely stupid to the guy (me) at the other end. When asked in an innocent manner, Denny and I always did our best to be courteous and explanatory..............HOWEVER--it seems to be un-American for a male NOT to know all about cars and these guys drive you nuts. These are some questions with answers that were used more than once in our shop. Pardon the language, but being "phonographically" accurate adds the true flavor of sarcasm (like Rick, I have a low stupidity boiling point.

What do you think's wrong?
I think it's broke, whaddayou think?

What's it gonna' cost?
Probably about a buck two ninety eight give or take.

Can you fix it?
Your car? Hell no, we got a couple hundred thousand invested in this place so we can fix TV's.

Can you fix it here?
Well either here or up on the roof if it don't rain.

It won't "turn over."
Oh....Does it normally do tricks?

Here's a common one from MR.SHADETREE:
I can't get it figured out, think you can just take a quick look at it?
Sure, no problem. Yep, looks kinda' like a car.

No, I mean whadaya think's wrong?
Well, the first problem is that you been fuckin' with it.

Whaddaya mean?
I mean it'd have been a helluvalot easier to figure out if you hadn't fucked with it.

Well do you think it will take long?
A lot longer than it would've if you hadn't fucked with it.

Well whaddaya think you can do for me?
(Glancing out at what was once perhaps a car, but now looks like something out of "Mad Max")I could jack up your radiator cap and slide a new car underneath it.

I gotta' stop.........There are a hundred of these, and oddly enough, these jackasses were rarely insulted. I quit trying years ago to bullshit "specialists." If I can't do the job, I call a reputable service person and say....."Just fix it."

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 12:22 AM

Catspaw, are you trying to be funny? --seed


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 12:47 AM

Using best Italian-American voice inflection, Catspaw responds:

"Noooo--I wuz fockin' tryin' ta evacuate my fockin' bladder, but I couldn't find your banjo, ya fockin' douchebag."

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 01:14 AM

Geez seed, I just had to come back here a minute. Growing up in a heavily Ital/Amer community, I always loved that kind of humor. It seemed like every guy my Dad knew was constantly on the lookout for ANYTHING that sounded the least bit stupid, even good questions were fair game!!! Then the "Nooo--I wuz......." part and it was never the same (or so it seemed to me), always included some genital/sexual reference, and the word "fockin'" two or three times as a kind of "punctuation."

Consequently, the word "Fockin'" was a significant part of my vocabulary for most of my adult life.......and to a small (very small) extent, it still is. But at a late age, I became a Dad...................SOOOO......we're having supper one evening and one of our foster girls, about 6 at the time was acting like a complete goof. My son Michael, then age three, turned and stared at Britt for a few seconds, and then said, "FOCKin' ASShole" in a voice I knew I'd heard "somewhere" before. Karen gave me a look that would have killed a normal man, but I had already fallen off the chair laughing. Mom had a talk with Dad and Dad had a talk with son and things improved.......some. A month ago, when I met Mudcatter Cara from DC who was home in Ohio visiting parents, my same darling son voluteered, completely out of the blue, "My Dad made an Easter Egg that said 'BITE ME' on it."

This will give you some idea what it's like to grow up in this house.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 02:04 AM

Not so stupid, I suppose, but pretty naive: A young reporter from a paper in Pittsfield, Mass, was interviewing my wife and me for a story on Folk-Legacy. I had explained that we were able to start the company because Lee Haggerty, our partner in the enterprise, had a small inheritance that he was willing to invest (read: throw away on folk foolishness). I, on the other hand, had some experience collecting folklore in the field and running tape recorders. Fair enough, says I, we pooled his resources and began producing records. The young reporter then says, "Did you call the company Folk-Legacy because you had the folk and he had the legacy?" I'd have thought that was clever, except he wasn't making a joke; he was dead serious.

A few years ago, Caroline and I spent a week at an "arts conference" on Star Island put on by the Unitarians. We sang traditional songs, ballads, new songs that reflect the styles of the old, etc., for about five hours a day for five days (proudly repeating none except when there was a request). After all this, and some background talk about our sources, the elderly lady who played "pop" piano before the dinner hour asked, "Don't you know any real songs?" I didn't offer to croon "Red Sails in the Sunset" for her, but I imagine she would have liked it. (Art's version: Red snails in my sunsuit...)

Sandy


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Jeremiah McCaw
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 05:54 AM

Attended a series of workshops on "Newfoundland traditions" given by superb musicians Christina Smith & Jean Hewson (there, that takes care of the folk tie-in). They tell the story of Joey Smallwood: in the days before he became a politician and Premier of the province, he was a journalist sent out on one assignment to interview a lady on the occasion of her hundredth birthday. The interview contained this gem; not necessarily a stupid question, but certainly one too many:

JS: "And you say you've never been sick a day in your life?"

Lady: "That's right."

JS: "You mean to tell me you've never been bedridden?"

Lady (looking surprised for a moment): "Oh yes. Thousands of times. And once in a dory."


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Banjer
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 08:16 AM

'Spaw reminded me of a STUPID question I heard just the other day. Unfortunately it didn't come from a customer but from one of our employees just recently hired from another parts house claiming to be 'real good'. This guy is about 30 years of age. He asked a customer if he could help him. I recognized the customer as one who does a lot of restoration work on older cars. When the customer asked if he could get shock absorbers for a '52 Hudson, the stupid employee paused for a minute and then asked, "Is that a Chevrolet or a Ford?" Honest, this guy is dumber than a box of rocks!


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Roger in Baltimore
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 09:07 AM

'Spaw,

You wrote: "Don't ask how a guy with a BA in Philosophy spends a career in the automotive repair business...... ".

I had no need to ask that. Mostly, I was surprised they were employed at all in a job that doesn't require them to ask "Do you want fries with that?"

Big RiB (who sometimes cannot resist a jibe)


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 09:14 AM

Hey General.........You might try this, worked with similar types we had out at our station. Put a tag on a key IDing it as "Vapor Lock"........Then hang it up somewhere and have him go get it. You get to screw with him either way. If he doesn't know...then it's just the old joke. But if he suspects he's being put on but gets the key, you can give him exasperated looks when he asks, "This is some kinda' joke isn't it?" If he refuses to get the key, you can get it yourself, show him, and then chastise his ass for being so "stupid." Like. "What the hell's your problem? I thought you knew something?"

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 09:20 AM

You know those folks at Mickey D's really piss me off RiB. I showed them that degree and they wouldn't even give me the Fries job!!! But on the other hand they said that my coffee would only be 89 cents.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Jeri
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 09:22 AM

As a newbie in the Air Force, I was always waiting for my supervisor to ask me to get some 'flight line.' I would have fetched them a kite, come back and said, "They don't sell the line separately. Do you wanna go fly it now?"


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From:
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 09:37 AM

...touring a zoo with my son's young friends and some other folk (!) one young man about six,saw a huge king snake and asked the zookeeper "Can he tie himself in a knot?" harpy


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: WyoWoman
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 10:51 AM

I'm printing this out and giving it to all my reporters for advice on how NOT to interview, and how we of the "media" look when we haven't had the smarts or the commitment to do our homework.

Great thread.

WyoWoman


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 10:55 AM

Responding to a DAR type discussing her glorious ancestry, Kendall Morse observed, "Well, none of my ancestors came over on the Mayflower, but I had an aunt come across in a canoe once." (See "Newfoundland Traditions, above, from Jeremiah McCaw.)


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Alice
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 11:18 AM

A friend of mine who is an opera singer and whose late husband was an Italian tenor used to perform duets quite a bit with her husband. At one performance, an audience member asked if they did requests and if they would sing the sextet from an opera. She looked at her husband, he looked at her, and then he leaned over to her and said, well you know the soprano part, I'll fake the other five. He also used to make up lyrics in Italian when he knew the audience had no clue what he was saying, and she would almost crack up laughing at the hilarious things he would come up with while they were singing.
This same friend works for a few hours a week at a Rest Home. The elderly who live there are far more sophisticated than the staff. One clueless staff member was told that my friend has had a career in opera. The person said to my friend, I hear you sing opera. Maybe you could do 'your little act' for us sometime.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: JedMarum
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 11:43 AM

I have to admit, the stupiest questions of all time sometimes come out of my mouth!

When I was in my late teens, my girlfriend (now wife, thankfully) owned a '62 Plymouth Valiant ... a cool little V6 with a push button automatic transmission. I had managed to break the driver's side wing vent window, during the first year she owned it ... so we went off in search of a replacement. I stopped in junk yard after junk yard asking for a wing vent for her car - with no luck, until we finally found a place that specialized in used Plymouths (they bought and resold old phone company cars). When I walked up to the spare parts manager and asked, "Do you have any wings for a '62 Valiant?" I thought the guy was going to bust a gut laughing! "Hey Bob," he shouted into the back room, laughing all the time, "You gotta hear this!" Then turning to me, still laughing and wiping away the tears he said, "Go ahead, kid, ask Bob what you just asked me."

Needless to say, by the time Bob came out of the back room I had figured out what was so funny, so Bob never got to hear the joke - from me that is.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: annamill
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 12:09 PM

'spaw, I am LMAO over your comment "I could jack up your radiator cap and slide a new car underneath it.". That's great. I know several mechs that will love it.

As for"Don't ask how a guy with a BA in Philosophy spends a career in the automotive repair business...... ".

What else would you do?? ;-) **BG**

Love, annap


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: bob schwarer
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 01:47 PM

First guy goes into a lumber yard and asks for a 2x4.
Second guy says "how long do you want it"?
First guy says, "probably forever".

Bob S.


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 07:08 PM

Thanks annap, but my guess is, they probably already know it. It's an old "inside" line. And I was happy in that industry, but never happier than when Denny and I had the shop. Most friends never do well in business together, but he was a special man and the relationship was special. When he died last November, a part of me went too. He had also gone on to other things in the business, but we talked often about the shop and longed for those days that we knew would not return. We were both lucky men to have had those wonderful times and my thoughts of him encompass only the best of what humanity and friendship can mean.

And now, back to the thread...............

A few weeks back, we stop at Ponderosa for supper. I asked the teenage girl behind the counter for some cream for my coffee. This turned out to be a stupid question. I had looked in the stainless bin thingy and all there was left was the ice to cool the little creamer containers. She stared down at the empty bin like it had just been deposited there by aliens. Since she wasn't moving, I thought I should elaborate........a real mistake. I said, "You know, that bin there with the ice...It holds the milk, the ice keeps it cool...........It's empty." She stares at me as though I am the alien and still doesn't move. Okay, I keep trying. "You know, cream? Milk? To put in my coffee. The milk goes in there and I get some to put into my coffee???" Suddenly it seems to dawn on her and she says she'll be right back. I turned to Karen, who's a bit incredulous herself, and make disparaging comments about the girl. Karen is chastising me for being a curmudgeon when Miss Ditz returns with an open pint of milk. I'm thinking, "Okay, so they're out of creamer," and reach to take it from her when...........have you got it figured out?................yeah, that's right,....she pours it into the bin with the half-melted ice! There is a 2 second pause before Karen and I look at each other and then are convulsed in laughter. It's so bad, that it takes a minute or so to get out, "Can I see the manager a minute?" Manager arrives and I, choking with laughter, try my best to tell the tale. He finally looks down and sees the bin, full of watery, icey milk and stares at Miss Ditz, then back at the bin, and after his own "pregnant pause," starts laughing himself. Nice fella'.......gave us a 25% discount saying the laugh was worth it.

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 07:08 PM

"As for"Don't ask how a guy with a BA in Philosophy spends a career in the automotive repair business...... ".

" What else would you do?? ;-) **BG**"

well, you would work in a salvage yard, or count beans, or work in a bookstore, or become a computer 'analyst', or build cabinets, or turn wood into art/craft objects..(that sort of covers the last 20-25 years..*VERY big grin*)....I got MY BA in Philosophy in 1969, and 30-40 graduate hours and ¼ of a masters thesis on Alfred North Whitehead before I realized they didn't need WANT any more Philosophers!


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 07:50 PM

Yeah Wild Bill, I've also taught school, worked part time in a music store, sold tons of crappola for 2 auto equiment companies and a parts manufacturer, built dulcimers, repaired guitars and other string things, done some foster parent stuff and training things for prospective adoptive/foster parents...........but the BEST thing I did was marry Karen............and without her, there would have been no Tristan or Michael. Interesting thing on Whitehead.......It scares me when I think of some of OUR similarities, you and me. I need to go take some Zoloft.............**DOUBLE SIZE GRIN**

I think my favorite guy, as I've said before, was the great "Stand Up Philosopher" ....Lenny Bruce. Kinda' summed it all up for me with:

"There is only what is; what should be never existed."

Looking to October with enthusiastic trepidation.(:+}

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: catspaw49
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 07:52 PM

Yeah Wild Bill, I've also taught school, worked part time in a music store, sold tons of crappola for 2 auto equiment companies and a parts manufacturer, built dulcimers, repaired guitars and other string things, done some foster parent stuff and training things for prospective adoptive/foster parents...........but the BEST thing I did was marry Karen............and without her, there would have been no Tristan or Michael. Interesting thing on Whitehead.......It scares me when I think of some of OUR similarities, you and me. I need to go take some Zoloft.............**DOUBLE SIZE GRIN**

I think my favorite guy, as I've said before, was the great "Stand Up Philosopher" ....Lenny Bruce. Kinda' summed it all up for me with:

"There is only what is; what should be never existed."

Looking to October with enthusiastic trepidation.(:+}

Spaw


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Subject: RE: BS: Stupidest Question Asked!
From: Jen
Date: 28 Aug 99 - 08:55 PM

LOL, catspaw. That's a good ponderosa story. I'll have to share that one with my family.


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