Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17

Subject: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: mousethief
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 05:59 PM

Okay, back by popular demand is the Song Challenge! 2.0.

In today's fit, we have an off-shift costumed character worker being attacked at a record store, and giving back as good as he gets!

Man Dressed as Elmo Attacked by Lunatic at Guitar Center

Don't mess with Elmo. He's not just beloved by children and their grown parents who watched "Sesame Street" as kids -- he's a Muppet, and therefore it's basically a crime against humanity to harm him in any way.

An unidentified crazy person was unaware of this, apparently, and assaulted Elmo at a Winter Park, Fla., Guitar Center. Elmo was just coming off of a hard day of entertaining children and constantly speaking in the third person when he decided to head over to the music store and pound on some drums.

The poor soul who makes his living dressing up as Elmo is named Jeramie Trespalacios and, for some reason, he decided to keep his full costume -- including the head piece -- on while shopping. He was only in the Guitar Center for a few minutes when a man came up and slapped his giant left eye for no reason.

Trespalacios told the media he then took off his head piece (and characteristic white gloves) and brought some "Sesame Street" justice down on the nutbag, eventually shoving him into a glass display, which shattered and cut the crazy guy up to the point of hospitalization.

-------------------------------------

Elmo not like getting beat up! Elmo go postal on scumbag stranger! Elmo go get double shot now, get quietly drunk.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 08 Dec 10 - 06:32 PM

The day it was long and my costume a mess,
For I'd worked a full day at the Learning Express.
I felt such relief and decided to roam,
Down past the guitar shop as I made my way home.

I beat on some drums in that shop I agree,
But that was no reason for what happened to me.
Some guy started hitting the side of my head,
I told him "Lay off pal or you'll end up dead".

He hit me again I was soon seeing red,
So I took off my gloves and removed my big head.
I gave him a shove to put him on his ass,
And he fell on a display getting cut by the glass.

There's something to be learned and I tell you it's this,
My Learning Express show is too good to miss,
If you think you can treat me like I'm a soft puppet,
You'll find than I'm harder than the average Muppet.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 02:18 AM

Ack! Not record store, music store! Bad brain! No fish!

And a didactic Silver BLOB to Georgiansilver for the instructive:
If you think you can treat me like I'm a soft puppet,
You'll find than I'm harder than the average Muppet.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 11:36 AM

Elmo play drums get hit in left eye
Elmo get mad at mean music critic guy
Elmo get up on him say "You must be high
Elmo got street cred, so now you must die
Elmo not let this insult pass
Elmo now going to kick your fat ass"
Elmo have balls both made out of brass
Elmo throws asshole right through some glass
Man now in hospital lying in bed
Wishing he not hit Elmo in head
Concussion, contusions, flesh is now shread
Man is just lucky Elmo not make him dead
So if you want to stay healthy and injury free
And you run into Elmo leave his bad ass be

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: Amos
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 12:37 PM

Don't Mess with Elmo


In the south side of the Union
In the town of Winter Park
There was a badass dude named Jerry Jumper
Who liked to dress up for a lark.
Sometimes he'd dress like Santa
Sometimes like Mister Clean
And sometimes he'd dress like a giant Elmo
But the dude was always mean.

He's mean, Jumpin' Jerry Lee
Fastest man in the territory
He's softer than a girlfriend's couch
But he's meaner than a Muppett Grouch

Now Jerry had a girlfriend
Who was quite a thing to see
But she had a thing about furry monsters
And it gave her fits, you see.
So Jerry would be careful,
He was a kind and loving toff
And whenever he went to see Juliana
He'd take his costume off!

He's mean, Jumpin' Jerry Lee
Fastest man in the territory
He's softer than a girlfriend's couch
But he's meaner than a Muppett Grouch

But Sunday, he was tired
And forgot where he was at,
And he wandered home in an Elmo costume
And walked into his girlfriend's flat!
Well, he walked into the livingroom
And much to his surprise
He saw Juliana sighing with her eyes closed shut
In the arms of the cable guy!

He's mean, Jumpin' Jerry Lee
Fastest man in the territory
He's softer than a girlfriend's couch
But he's meaner than a Muppett Grouch

Well, Juliana opened her eyes
And she jumped up in her quilt
And she started screaming her damn fool head off,
Full of panic, fear and guilt!
Now, the cable guy was a toughie
And the girls all called him Dan
And he jumped up naked and he started yelling
Just to prove he was a man!!

He's mean, Jumpin' Jerry Lee
Fastest man in the territory
He's softer than a girlfriend's couch
But he's meaner than a Muppett Grouch


Now Jerry figured it was time
He went off to sort things out
So he hit the button on the elevator
Hit the street and headed south.
He wandered past the corner
Of a store called "Guitar Thumbs"
And to blow off steam, he just wandered in
And sat down to beat on the drums.

Now Dan the man didn't understand
'Bout Juliana's neurotic streak
So he promised he'd find that invading Muppett
And send him into next week!
So he pulled on jeans and a tee shirt
And headed down the street
Looking all 'round for a Big Blue Elmo
To hammer, kick and beat!

Well he found him an Elmo in the guitar store
Just a banging on the drums,
And he hollered "Bud, if you're looking fer trouble,
Get ready, because here it comes!"
So the two men took to fighting
And when that fight was done
Poor Dan he looked like a bathroom window
With a coupla pieces gone.

Cuz He's mean, Jumpin' Jerry Lee
Fastest man in the territory
He's softer than a girlfriend's couch
But he's meaner than a Muppett Grouch
Mean, Jumpin' Jerry Lee
Fastest man in the territory...(fade out)

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 01:34 PM

Excellent! (Except Elmo's red, not blue) The backstory makes it all make sense now! Two backstories, indeed, one with a love triangle and one with a pesky music critic. I wonder if somebody can combine the two? Maybe that guy's not the cable man after all?

Silver BLOBs:

Mousethief give sonnety BLOB to Neil D for the powerful:
Elmo have balls both made out of brass
Elmo throws asshole right through some glass

And a south-side BLOB to Amos for the study in contrasts:
He's softer than a girlfriend's couch
But he's meaner than a Muppett Grouch

I'm partial to this couplet because I once had a girlfriend with an extremely comfortable couch for sleeping on!

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: MMario
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 04:37 PM

No time at the moment so I'm tracing this for later

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: mousethief
Date: 09 Dec 10 - 09:46 PM

E-L-M-O
(apologies to Ray Davies)

I work every day at a music store
Where we let people come in and play the drums
So we can sell mo'
Suh-suh-suh-suh-sell mo'
I worked the night shift last Saturday
And a customer in a fuzzy suit
Looked like Elmo
E-L-M-O Elmo

Well I'm not the world's best drum salesman
But I hoped that I'd sell a drum kit to
This fuzzy drummer
Druh-druh-druh-druh-drummer
I straightened my tie and was makin' my move
When a guy came and hit Elmo in the eye
What a bummer!
Buh-buh-buh-buh-bummer!

Well Elmo stood and took off his mask
It looked like he'd bring his assailant to task
He paused for a bit to take off his gloves
Then he gave that creep an almighty shove

Guitar Center's not the most exciting store
But it looked like there'd be a major war
In just a minute
Muh-muh-muh-muh-minute
He grabbed that guy by the back of the shirt
By the glass display case, which could get hurt
If he fell in it
In-in-in-in-in it

He grabbed his shirt
He pushed him away
The guy flew through the air

That's the way that I saw it that day
When his face went through the glass display
At Guitar Center
Suh-suh-suh-suh-center

Center
Suh-suh-suh-suh-center (etc)

(I've written worse)

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: Amos
Date: 12 Dec 10 - 12:28 PM

Yay, mousethief!! Thanks for the Silver Blob; I shall place it on my virtual mantelpiece with the others.


A

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: mousethief
Date: 14 Dec 10 - 12:55 PM

bump

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: Matthew Edwards
Date: 15 Dec 10 - 12:05 PM

Elmo's Ire

This is the story
La la la la
Elmo's story
La la la la
La la la la
Elmo's story.

La la la
La la la la la
La la la
La la la la la.

He loves to drum
La la la la
Elmo's tune
La la la la
La la la la
Elmo's tune.

La la la
La la la la la
La la la
La la la la la.

A bad man hit him
La la la la
Elmo hurt
La la la la
La la la la
Elmo hurt.

La la la
La la la la la
La la la
La la la la la.

Elmo angry
La la la la
Elmo hit bad man
La la la la
La la la la
Elmo hit bad man.

La la la
La la la la la
La la la
La la la la la.

He beat the bad man
He hurt the bad man
That's Elmo's story!

Oh, Yeah!

[To learn the music
To learn the right words,
See Elmo's Song!]

Matthew Edwards

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: mousethief
Date: 15 Dec 10 - 09:31 PM

Matthew, you're irrepressible! And you deserve a third-person Silver BLOB for the hard-to-imagine:
Elmo angry
La la la la
Elmo hit bad man

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: mousethief
Date: 15 Dec 10 - 10:42 PM

One Red Aid Car
(with apologies to the Original Caste)

Listen, children, to a story
That was written in the Trib
'Bout a man who bitch-slapped Elmo
And what plucky Elmo did

At a drum store Friday evening
Elmo sat and played the drums
When a loser came and slapped him
Elmo said, "Bitch, here it come."

Go ahead and bitch-slap Elmo
Elmo not afraid to hit
Elmo not afraid of fightin'
Elmo give as good as Elmo get
There may be bits of glass go flyin'
In the bad guy's face
In the bloody moments after....
One red aid car drives away

Elmo feel that loser hit him
Elmo take off Elmo's head
Elmo take his gloves off also
Not want gloves to turn blood-red

Elmo punch that bad man's facebone
Elmo shove him through the glass
Elmo stand and say down to him,
"Elmo kick your sorry ass."

(repeat chorus)

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: Trapper
Date: 16 Dec 10 - 12:30 PM

@Georgian - I LOVE the thought of a fully costumed Elmo saying "I told him "Lay off pal or you'll end up dead"." Good work!

@Neil - Haaaaaaaaaa! "Elmo now going to kick your fat ass"
The milk flew FAR out of my nose on THAT one!

@Amos - WELCOME BACK! Quite the ballad! Would have been another fun twist if the Elmo in the music shop was a DIFFERENT Elmo! Ha! Great as-is though!

@Mousethief - BRILLIANT! E-L-M-O ELMO! Very contagious!
And ONE RED AIR CAR had me standing at my desk with my fist in the air!

@Matthew - Great research! PERFECT tune for the situation!

Great work all!

- Al

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: Trapper
Date: 17 Dec 10 - 12:03 PM

Whoa, dude - there's ALWAYS another side to the story!


GO ASK ELMO
Tune: Go Ask Alice - Grace Slick
New Words: Al Boyce (Trapper)

Watching Bert and Ernie
Baked as I could be
When that small dude who talks funny
Made my sanity go free
I saw Elmo
On Public TV

So I thought I'd bang my drum set
Along with Elmo's repartee
"Elmo wants his milk now,
Elmo wants his nice cookie."
Twittered Elmo
On Public TV

As his mouth moved on the telly
These words he spoke to me
"Elmo thinks you're drumming sucks dude,
Just a Ringo wanna-be"
Thus spake Elmo
From Public TV

This set my rage on fire
Elmo was trash-talking me!
What had caused St.Elmo's ire?
Why did we so disagree?
F*cking Elmo!
From Public TV

I had to split the scene, man
Make like an escapee
Go down to Guitar Center
And blow off this reverie
Forget Elmo
On Public TV

Who is banging on the drum set?
Who's that red guy that I see?
A six foot tall Elmo
Drumming to embarass me!
It was Elmo!
From Public TV!

Blindly I charged Elmo
Kill him, I'd guarantee!
I smacked him in his eyeball
I gouged him with my knee
I fought Elmo!
From Public TV!

Then Elmo ripped his head off
Pulled his hands off, one, two three!
Then Elmo shoved me backwards
Thru a glass case I didn't see
Evil Elmo!
From Public TV

I lay here in my bed now
Cut and bleeding as could be
Doctor said I was nearly
A double-amputee
From fighting Elmo
While on LSD!

LSD!
LSD!

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: mousethief
Date: 17 Dec 10 - 12:35 PM

That's a classic. :)

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: Trapper
Date: 21 Dec 10 - 04:42 PM

bump

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: mousethief
Date: 22 Dec 10 - 12:17 AM

He's dead, Jim.

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: Trapper
Date: 22 Dec 10 - 12:35 PM

Da**iT Jim, I'm a SURGEON not a SONGWRITER! :-(

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 22 Dec 10 - 12:44 PM

Cut it out Trapper!!!!

Subject: RE: Song Challenge! 2.0 - Fit 17
From: mousethief
Date: 23 Dec 10 - 12:22 AM

Mr. Scott, make it one to beam up.