Lyr Req: sunday paper song? / Sunday Papers

Subject: Lyrics for Sunday paper song
From: GUEST,RonA
Date: 09 Jul 11 - 04:13 AM

Does anybody have the Lyrics for the comedy song about the sunday papers which has the chorus "Oh Read the Sunday papers, for all sorts of hilarity, for every kind of wickedness, from fraud to beastility"

Subject: RE: Lyrics for sunday paper song
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 09 Jul 11 - 03:31 PM

"It's the News of The World as we know it"!

Subject: RE: Lyrics for sunday paper song
From: Sir Roger de Beverley
Date: 10 Jul 11 - 05:33 AM

Billy Bragg wrote a song years ago on that theme "It Says Here" - no phone hacking in it but the NOTW is mentioned.

R

Subject: RE: Lyrics for sunday paper song
From: GUEST,Don Wise
Date: 10 Jul 11 - 02:51 PM

"The Sunday Papers" was written by Barrie Roberts to a traditional tune and was published in Songsmith #1" way back in 1971......

Subject: RE: Lyrics for sunday paper song
From: GUEST,Frug
Date: 10 Jul 11 - 03:44 PM

THE SUNDAY PAPERS
Tune - Johnny Lad

Well on a Sunday morning I never seem to wake
Till I hear the newsboy's whistle down at the garden gate
And I tremble with excitement when I hear him at the door
And I hear the papers falling down upon the hallway floor
There's the Mirror and the People the News of the World
The Times and the Observer all lie there neatly furled
I clutch them in my trembling hand as back to bed I fly
And I flop down on my pillow with a deep contented sigh.

CHORUS
So read the Sunday papers for all kinds of banality
For every kind of horridness from fraud to bestiality
Its there you'll find the models, the starlets and the rapers
The scoutmasters and murderers all in your Sunday papers

First I read the dirty stories of the schoolmasters and vicars
The goings on up Soho and the bloke who pinches knickers
And when I've had my fill of divorce and sexual crimes
I read the fashion bits in the Observer and the Times
There's kinky leather nighties and see-through plastic bras
And knitted wire bikinis that will show up half your scars
There's cellophane pyjamas that shows it nearly all
So I cut them out with scissors and I paste them on my wall

But the bits I like the best, the bits I like the most
Are all the small advertisements for things you get by post
You can purchase handmade corsets or see-through plastic suits
Or second hand, part worn US Army marching boots
There's bloomers, postmen's overcoats and folding garden shears
For colonic irrigation or a thing for picking pears
Advice on family planning or a book of kiddies names
There's something there for everyone no matter what your game

CHORUS

When on last Sunday morning as I lay upon my bed
And gentle dreams of orgies were drifting through my head
I'd been through all the small ads the sporting page as well
I was starting on the book reviews when someone rang my bell
And there stood Margaret Thatcher in violet fishing boots
And a pair of navy knickers with a see-through plastic suit
I stood there staring stupid just like I'd seen a ghost
When she cried "Express delivery. Did you order me by post?"
Well at last the spell broke, I dragged her through the door
I tore off all the postage stamps and laid her on the floor
I undid all the wrappings, unknotted all the strings
I was starting on the contents when again the doorbell rings

And there stood the vicar, his face all flushed and red
In a knitted wire bikini with a scout hat on his head
"I've been watching you across the street", he cried, "You filthy swine."
Through my naval surplus gunsight (plus postage one pound nine
I tried to slam the door on him, alas it did no good
He whipped out his Black and Decker drill and whittled through the wood
With his electric tater peeler he made passes at my head
So I took my taters out of sight and dodged behind the bed
His left hand grabbed my gizzard with his folding garden shears
And his right hand gripped my whatnots with his thing for picking pears
And when I thought I'd had it, I'd lose them or I'd choke
When he squeezed on his pear picker I fell off my bed and woke.

CHORUS.

Subject: RE: Lyrics for sunday paper song
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 11 Jul 11 - 01:06 PM

The lyrics were previously posted in another thread, here. It appears that our guest Frug merely copied-and-pasted from there, which is better than nothing I suppose, but it would be better to post a link.

If you don't know how to create a link, or can't be arsed, then just copy and paste a URL.

If you don't know what a URL is, or how to find and copy one, then just explain how you found the song.

It's somewhat of a nuisance to have multiple copies of exactly the same lyrics posted at Mudcat, because it prompts curious people (like me) to compare the two copies to see whether they are in fact the same lyrics or whether the poster has somehow found a different version of the song. It is certainly interesting to us amateur folklorists to know whether more than one version of a song is actually being sung by folk "out in the field" so to speak. And anyone who wants to learn the song will surely want to compare the two versions to decide which version they like better. And anyone who wants to "harvest" the song for the DT will want to compare them also. If it turns out the two versions are exactly the same, they will have wasted their time comparing them, and that just pisses people off. By posting multiple copies of the same lyrics, you are just creating more work for people.

Well, I finally got that off my chest.

Of course, I am also somewhat annoyed at my own failure to find the song (for which nobody can be blamed but me).

Subject: RE: Lyrics for sunday paper song
From: GUEST,RonA
Date: 11 Jul 11 - 03:09 PM

Thanks to Frug for providing the words & apologies to the organisers for the furore that ensued thereafter.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: sunday paper song? / Sunday Papers
From: GUEST
Date: 24 Nov 14 - 07:21 AM

My father who was in Spike sang it as " thigh length fishing boots".

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: sunday paper song? / Sunday Papers
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 24 Nov 14 - 09:31 AM

Ron, one swallow doesn't make a summer, and one irritated post doesn't make a furore.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: sunday paper song? / Sunday Papers
From: Betsy
Date: 24 Nov 14 - 06:29 PM

Barrie Roberts it was who wrote the song - fabulous bloke - well educated and wrote several books down to earth person. I did a gig at his Walsall club many moons ago ,and he, as MC,came up at the end and said "Give me an "A minor" and just follow me" (on guitar) . He then proceeded to sing "On The road to Mandalay" This went down a storm, and then he proceeded to go into a Joseph Locke medley. Happy days .........Jeez ....Fucking happy days !!!!
God Bless Ya Barrie.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: sunday paper song? / Sunday Papers
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 25 Nov 14 - 07:48 AM

i remember Barrie once said - i can't wait for them to discover us and make a film about our lives. Can't imagine anyone playing Barrie!