What is the worst song you ever heard?

Subject: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From:
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 12:08 PM

I recall one about beans -or something- I think it was written to be profound. Bad into, worse ending, terrible wrenching rhyme "plots". Also, any song containing the word "you" more than once per verse is dangerous-I call them "advice songs". I am just interested to read if some songs are named consistently. They might be worth learning. Thanks in advance.clj

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: kendall
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 12:14 PM

Here comes the bride

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Bert
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 12:16 PM

I think you need to make it 'The worst WELL KNOWN song' those of us who belong to songwriter's clubs have hundreds of horror stories.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: kendall
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 12:16 PM

Here comes the bride

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Bert
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 12:18 PM

Despite being sandwiched between kendall's postings I am NOT the bride.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Marion
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 12:21 PM

My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble...

(Bert is not my boyfriend either.)

Marion

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Marion
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 12:21 PM

My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble...

(Bert is not my boyfriend either.)

Marion

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: MMario
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 12:36 PM

If I had a million dollars.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: DougR
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 12:46 PM

It is from a made for TV movie titled "Cinderella," and it played on national TV in the early to mid-50s. I think it may even have been written by Rodgers and Hammerstein, but don't hold me to that. The song, "Are You Beautiful Because I Love You Or Do I Love You Because You Are Beautiful." My wife and I both gagged when we heard it. It is my all-time favorite song to hate. "It's A Small World After All," runs a close second,however, after having heard it a million times while the kids were young and riding variousl rides at Disneyland in California one summer.

DougR

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Jack (Who is called Jack)
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 01:05 PM

There's that song about rape from The Fantastiks.

There's 'Seasons in the sun' the pop tune lament of a dying man.

There's that song from The Gangs All Here, a Busby Berkley, Carmen Miranda Vehicle that they used as a setting for the Polka Dot Polka dance number. It had the memorable chorus...

Paducah, Paducah.

If you wanna you can rhyme it with bazooka

But you can't pooh-pooh Paducah

Its another name for paradise.

And I still absolutely despise Stookey's 'The Wedding Song'.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: The Burren ranger
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 01:13 PM

Sunny....Tie A Yellow Ribbon....two Litle Boys(The Rolf Harris version)

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Tony Burns
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 01:23 PM

"Don't Worry, Be Happy!" (Makes me want to puke.)

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Allan C.
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 01:24 PM

Usually the worst songs I have heard have been ones that were (in my opinion) inherently beautiful; but then were badly mangled by someone. Maybe they should be listed under the heading of most tragic rather than worst.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 02:02 PM

I'll give my vote to the song I wish I'd never heard - Young Banker. After 6 years of having to do this song every week for the same person (he used to help us by passing the hat round to collect the money for the club's funds and he got terribly upset - like it was a personal insult - if we tried to leave it out)in a local folk club, I grew to loath the song.

Jon

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: emily rain
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 02:47 PM

two of these songs (and no, i'm not telling which ones!) are songs i absolutely love. somehow, i think that must illustrate how a song becomes "dearly loathed" in the first place; it walks that fine line between heartwarming and sickeningly corny, and then gets sung over and over and over and over and over and over... then falls right off the cliff.

here's one on its way down for me. sing in three with monkey-like grin and gentle swaying:

"i see the moon up over my head
it's full and it's round and it shines on my bed
and i wonder, someday, will i live there instead?
on the cheek of my friend, the moon!

"i see the sun when night turns to day
it shines on my work and it shines on my play
when it sets, then i know it's the end of the day
and i might see my friend, the moon!

"i see the stars when daylight is done
they sparkle like diamonds and bits of the sun
and they're brightest and best when the moon takes a rest
when it's sleeping, my friend, the moon!"

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: --seed
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 03:06 PM

Someone asked for lyrics to this one last year inspiring an interesting thread consisting of assaults on the song and its performer (Kenny Rogers): "Coward of the County." And another of his songs that drives me up the wall is "The Unknown Love." Both stupid macho-country garbage.

--seed

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: sophocleese
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 03:16 PM

Achy braky heart, I never even bothered to learn how to spell it.

You make me feel like a virgin.

I once heard the kids in my husband's church being led in a song called "The Weapon of Prayer". The title alone annoyed me.

And after spending four years in ahighschool where they played the Canadian National Anthem every morning on a failing tape player that always played at different speeds I can't say I'm delighted with that song.

Subject: Speaking of worst songs..
From:
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 03:42 PM

This one is so bad, I love it. For you youngsters who don't remember the cold war, tt dates back to the time the Russians shot down a U-2 spy plane of ours. Eisenhower denied that we had any such planes over Russia. Then the Russians produced the pilot, Francis Gary Powers who was alive and well. It was the first time that I can recall a U.S. President being caught in a blatant lie. Anyhow, out of the whole sordid mess came a song to the tune of the Kate Smith classic, "There's a Star-Spangled Banner Waving Somewhere." The first verse goes:

In a lonely prison cell in Godless Russia, Where no Bible ever speaks His precious name, Sits the boy who flew the U-2 for his country, So no Pearl Harbor'd ever come again.

If anybody has the rest of the words, I'd be grateful.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Marion
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 03:52 PM

OK, I'll be brave and admit that I like both "If I had a million dollars" and "Seasons in the Sun"; they're not on my top 100 list, but maybe my top 1000 favourite songs.

Come on Emily, don't be shy...

Marion

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Dan from Boston
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 04:15 PM

I think that by "worst" you must mean the ones that irritated you they most, at least, that's how I read most of the responses above. But that doesn't make them bad musically. If they were, they probably never would have entered your concousness. Instead, we have examples above of some pretty old songs, ones people have apparently remembered for decades. How come? Do we love to remember what we dispise?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Cara
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 04:19 PM

The freakin' Unicorn Song makes my whole body hurt. I detest it. Close on its heels are Margaritaville, Brown-Eyed Girl, and (bravely, now) Whiskey in the Jar.

You'd think I worked in an Irish bar that caters to tourists, huh?

One of the Irish pub players I know gave up the Unicorn Song for Lent one year and refused to play it during that time. He came back months later, and sure enough someone requested it during the first set (people's love for this song truly astounds me). He told the requestor that he had given the song up for Lent and enjoyed it so much that he had decided never to pick it up again. And I've never heard him play it since.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Bill D
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 04:23 PM

well, I don't KNOW most of those you all mention...but of all the songs that many folkies MIGHT know that just grate on me....

"Circle of the Sun" by Sally Rogers...usually it takes several hearings for me to be sure a song doesn't suit me...but this one was neat for one verse, ok for 2, and by 3 & 4 I KNEW.....it is not the tune, which is only mildly mindless, but the lyrics, after a couple of verses, that just go nowhere with silly images and mundane metaphor...

(yes, I know...some love it..."de gustibus non disputandem")

there are songs which I can take if they are not done too often..("Waltzing with Bears", "A Place in the Choir"(all God's critters), "Lovely Agnes"...etc..

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Bill D
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 04:33 PM

ooohhh Cara..YES! The Unicorn song! (I can see we have similar ummmmmm..'criteria')

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Alice
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 04:37 PM

tied among these nominees - Wolverton Mountain, Ruby Don't Take Your Love to Town, The Ballad of The Green Beret (my brother was a green beret in VietNam, and he used to joke about this one), Love American Style, and whatever that one was about throwing something off the Chatahoochie bridge.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: kendall
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 04:38 PM

lets forget I Love A Rainy Night that kind of monotonous rubbish makes me wish I could go deaf at will.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Alice
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 04:41 PM

Oh, yes, and the one with the line 'Hey did you happen to see the most beautiful girl who walked out on me, tell her I'm cryin.' (oh,brother)

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Cara
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 05:06 PM

Billy Joe McAllister jumped off the Tallahachee bridge? I like that.

Waltzing with Bears I hate too. And "I Am My Own Grandpa". Uuuggghhh. BUT, I find that I can't help singing along anyway. Then I catch myself humming some of the hated ones later, "Grandpa" especially. It drives me absolutely crazy.

Damn, they're in my head just from mentioning them. AAhh!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Alice
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 05:21 PM

Tallahachee... that's the one. Thanks, Cara.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Tincap
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 05:28 PM

Worse song ever? Too many come to mind but Any version of MacArthur Park is sort of like fingers on the blackboard for me.True torture for me would be Donna Summer and Richard Harris doing it as a duet! Also right at the top of the list,Grandma's Feather Bed by John Denver... oh and while I am at it...Thank God I'm a Country Boy.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Les B
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 05:37 PM

"Oh Lord it's Hard to be Humble" is one, and vying for top honors is the country song of a few years ago about the woman who puts up neon lights and a bar at home so her husband wouldn't go out drinking. The first time I heard it I thought it was a clever Smothers Brothers parody, and then found to my chagrin that it was for real !!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: clj
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 05:45 PM

Oh, I see. Anytime you write the name of a song/CD a magical green link appears. In Cara's case it was amusing. I guess it should be the worst WELL KNOWN songs since I have written some which had to be taken a safe distance from the house and buried. I had forgotten 'Seasons in the Sun', but I did remember the one which went "I've seen England, I've seen France, I've seen someone's underpants, but I've never been to me" or words to that effect. How about the theme to "Three's Company"? clj

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: lamarca
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 05:46 PM

Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, we had a fun thread called Folk Songs to Ditch that covered the ground for Folk Music pretty thoroughly.

Dave Barry has done the world a great service by publishing Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs, an insightful examination of such timeless wonders like "You're Having My Baby", "In the Year 2525" and "MacArthur Park"(which, in 1995, readers of his column voted THE alltime worst song). I can still grimly remember being in our junior high "jazz" band as we attempted to play it; if I ever remotely fancied the song, that experience killed it...

Cara, for some reason "The Unicorn" has entered American consciousness as being an "Irish" song, probably because of The Irish Rovers recording, but it was yet another creation of the deliciously warped mind of the late, great, Shel Silverstein (or should I say Sheldon O'Silverstein?), who also gave us "A Boy Named Sue", "I Got Stoned and I Missed It", "Freakin' at the Freaker's Ball", etc.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Cara
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 06:04 PM

lamarca,

I know, and I feel bad for hating it solely because I adore Shel Silverstein.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Cara
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 06:04 PM

lamarca,

I know, and I feel bad for hating it solely because I adore Shel Silverstein.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Stewie
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 06:24 PM

'My Dollies Would Cry' as sung by early bluegrass duo Connie and Babe - this is so bad that it is actually good, if you know what I mean.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Jack (Who is called Jack)
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 06:31 PM

Lamarca, my favorite is Quaaludes Again.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: paddymac
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 08:45 PM

Even a good song can be butchered and made into a horrible experience, sometimes even for the singer. I think maybe the best approach is to think of songs like humankind's other favorite endeavor: the worst you ever had is better than none at all.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Barbara
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 10:01 PM

Well, as far as I'm concerned, "Starry Starry Night" is right up there with "McArthur Park" for let's all slit our wrists and have a pity party for the survivors.... Thank you Don McLean!
The Unicors Song belongs to a different but closely related group of songs, I think. The "Sing it again and I'll kill you" family of cute lyrics and hypnotic tunes. Another of these is "Little Gomez" by Eric Bogle.
Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: dwditty
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 10:26 PM

I AM...I Said. I could never get by Neil trying to have a conversation with the furniture.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Jeri
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 11:12 PM

Well, nobody's mentioned this one yet: All God's Critters. Pre-flamed for your reading enjoyment:
1) Bill Staines wrote it - he's a great songwriter.
2) I love this song
3) My kids love this song
My reply: I still hate it.
Oh, and I don't believe I've seen "Billy, Don't be a Hero" yet. I think it's probably on Dave Barry's list along with "Honey."

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 11:24 PM

" I write the songs that make the whole world sing..." My God what an ego.

" Why do birds suddenly appear
everytime you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you.." This image is so funny that it nearly redeems the idiocy of the song.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Art Thieme
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 11:30 PM

Eric B. did "Little Gomez" live on my old radio show (The Flea Market) on N.P.R. back around 1983 in Chicago & I got pretty pissed off. Lots o' kids were in the audience that day at the Old Town School Of Folk Music. It was one of the first shows after we went national if I recall. Just wasn't appropriate. I've never been able to tolerate that song since then.

Art

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 30 Sep 99 - 11:58 PM

"That's what you get for loving me," which is, unfortunately, not musically bad.

I LIKE Starry starry night.

Also, James Taylor's "Fire and Rain."

Has something to do with my sister offing herself after her husband dropped dead of a heart attack.

To quote dave: I swear I am not making this up.

Otherwise, we do all need to vent on the ones that make us crazy every now and then.

MA

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: WyoWoman
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 12:11 AM

Tie a Yellow F***ing Ribbon...

makes me twitch

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From:
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 12:36 AM

"The night I talked to the Lord (on my CB radio)." Sounds like a satire, but they played it legit. It was on a compilation of trucker songs during the CB craze of the mid-1970s. Been trying to track down the lyrics for years. Want to add it to my Newgrass' bands repetoire.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 12:47 AM

WyoWoman, I can't quite make those words fit the tune I know - Tie a yellow ribbon, yes - Tie a f***ing ribbon, yes; but a yellow f***ing does not work. What tune do you use?

Jon

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 12:49 AM

Ahhhh.........You have some excellent choices here. A fine lot to choose from. I like Barb Blessing's class system too. Let's see now...when I was in college little Bobby's smash hit was about tops on my list. Y'all remember "Honey" huh? Went something like.....

See the tree how big its grown
And now you're dead
I can't get blown
And I've got an itch.

When you were alive
It cost twenty-five
Why did you always charge so much
You fuckin' pig?

Well something like that anyway........

And for a tune that sticks......It might have been the flip side of "Unicorn" but I know it was out about the same time....Everytime the Irish Rovers get mentioned around here, I sing the chorus of "Black Velvet Band" for days.

Spaw

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Art Thieme
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 12:52 AM

"It's knowing I can get some snatch without having to commit to you at all,
That makes me leave my sleeping bag rolled up and stashed behind your couch..."

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 01:00 AM

You worked with that boy too didn't you? Did he write that or did you?

Spaw

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 02:47 AM

A couple of notes: By "Starry Starry Night," I suppose you guys meant "Vincent" (a silly, presumptious song in which Don McLean tells Van Gogh that he, of all the people in the world, understands why Vincent cut his ear off and shot himself.

And "Tallahachee"? Try "The Ballad of Billy Joe": the first couple of times I heard it I liked it--it was kind of an interesting picture of a family falling apart, of a girl who has a curious lack of affect, to use a psychological term (no, I don't mean effect). In an earlier thread someone suggested that what the girl and Billy Joe threw off the Tallahachee bridge was their baby. I don't know; that had never occurred to me--it certainly could have motivated his suicide. I'll admit that after a few dozen hearings it began to wear on me.

How about the Everly Brothers song "When"?

When
When you smile
When you smile at me,
Well
Well I know
Our love will always be.

But I still think the worst song of all time is the Doors "Light My Fire"

Ya know that it would be untrue,
Ya know that I would be a liar,
If I was tuh say to you,
Girl, we just can't go much higher.
Come on, baby, light my fire,
Come on, baby, light my fire,
Come on, baby, light my figh------urr.

The time to hesitate is through,
No time to wallow in the mire,
Try, and we will only lose,
And our love become a funeral pyre,
Come on, baby, light my fire...

Lyrics just don't get any fockin' stupider than that. Talk about forced rhymes, fer Gawd's sake. What the bloody hell does the damned thing mean: "Try, and we will only lose [try what? To wallow in the mire?} and our love [will] become a funeral pyre." Wha-a-a-a-t? And that verse makes more sense than the first one. I'd say that the only thing that song had going for it was Jim Morrison, but Jose Feliciano also had a hit version. To borrow an expression from my friend Patsclaw:

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 03:05 AM

Yeah brother seed...that's a winner, uh loser, er uh..let's go with piece of crap! Could never stand that turkey either.............But for a singularly dumb lyric, its hard to beat:

"Someone left the cake out in the rain."

I mean, what the fock is that anyway? I must have heard "MacArthur Park" half a dozen times before I convinced myself that was actually the line!!! Why or who would do that? You're right............

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

But you do it so much better!

Spaw

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: scoattie
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 03:11 AM

The British Grenadiers!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 09:44 AM

It seems that Barry Manilow is getting off relatively unscathed here. And how about that Minnie Ripperton classic, Lovin' You (is easy cause you're Beautiful). What the heck was that?

Has anyone mentioned "The Night Chicago Died"? What a horrid song that was.

I agree whole heartedly about Light My Fire, I wonder what made Jim Morrison think he was brilliant? He certainly never tired of telling the world of his genius. What a feckin' eejit.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Roger the skiffler
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 09:51 AM

Despite the ms fetching £78,000 at auction "I am a Walrus" must come close!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: alison
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 10:06 AM

Teddy bear by ? Red Sovine (or was that Bovine??)... you know little crippled boy on the CB radio and all the truckers queuing to give him lifts... BARRRRRFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!

One of our radio stations issues a challenge to bands to do "their" versions of famous songs (that's how Rolf Harris came to do "stairway to heaven")..... well they had a fantastic version of "I write the songs" a few weeks back... the words were the same but the fella (Diesel) did it with a raunchy blues riff in a minor key, with occasional bits of slide guitar thrown in.... it was excellent..... there you go all you blues players give that a try....

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peter T.
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 10:15 AM

Worst Beatle Song is complicated. I suppose Revolution #9 is -- Many dislike "Old Brown Shoe", "Octopus' Garden", "Hey Bulldog" or other fillers, but I have always had a special hate for "Across The Universe" which I thought was pretentious crap. I hate "Imagine" too, even more than "Across", but that is John all by hisself. ("I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will live as one" -- Please.)
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Den
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 11:09 AM

dwditty and 'spaw holy Jasus the tears are still running down my face, there's nothing like a good laugh. I have to agree with the feckin' Unicorn. I absolutely refuse to play it, don't even know the words. How about Turn me loose by Loverboy or Mandy or Anything by Tony Orlando and Dawn.
Leprosy there are pieces falling off of me
I'm not half the man I used to be
Oh leprosy came suddenly

Does that qualify Peter?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 11:17 AM

How about "After The Loving" by Englbert or "Sky Pilot" by the Animals.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Patrish(inactive)
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 12:05 PM

Has anyone mentioned "Cinderella Rockerfella" by ester and abi ofarim. "Careless Hands" sung by des o'conner, in fact anything sung by des o'conner.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 12:59 PM

"Well here's another clue for you all/The walrus was Paul" - the first love who broke my heart, a serious druggie, loved 'em. well, SOMEBODY had to.

MA

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Doctor John
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 01:03 PM

There are no bad traditional songs: all the bad ones became extinct. Let's hope the same thing happens with some of the material of the songwriters of recent times who imagine their material will pass into the tradition. "January Man", "His Name is Andrew" and much of Leon Rosselson's material. They won't. Worst ever? Paul McCartney's "Mull of Kintyre" . Bring on the acoustic guitar (must be a folk song), add the bag pipes (must be Scottish), add the children's voices ... bring on the sick bag. All early Beatles stuff is pretty awful but this one's pretention as well. Dr John

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Allan C.
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 01:44 PM

Okay, you guys! Now you've gone and done it. "Knock Three Times" has once again come to haunt my every waking moment - no thanks to this thread! Maybe I can distract myself by singing "Maggie May" or "My Baby Does the Hanky Panky" or "Feelings" or (OH CRAP! HOW DID THIS GET IN HERE! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!) "Let It Please Be Him". (shudder, wretch)

I know what. I could switch to some instrumentals like, "Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White" or "Tea for Two" or anything at all done by Prez Prado or maybe the distinctive sounds of Ray Connif or of the bubble man himself whose name I cannot even make my fingers type.

Oh yeah. I can see that this is going to be an absolutely wonderful weekend now :-}

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 02:01 PM

AlanC, much as I dislike Knock Three Times, for me being reminded of The Coward of the County was worse and that has been rattlin round in my head for nearly a day now.

Jon

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Cara
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 02:13 PM

and if he was my uncle than he also was the brother of the widow's grown up daughter who of course was my stepmother...

(sing it with me now)

AND I AM MY OWN GRANDPA

Ever wonder how those brain cells that hold all of the really bad song lyrics and commercial jingles, etc., could be put to better use? Because I DO know all of the words to the Unicorn Song and Seven Old Ladies in the Lavatory, am I perhaps missing out on whether or not a tree falling in the forest makes any noise, or the sound of one hand clapping, or a keen undertanding of the Pythagorean theorem?

Oh, dear, what can the matter be...

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Steve Latimer
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 02:22 PM

How about Candida? Or Indiana Wants Me? Did anyone mention Billy Don't Be a Hero? Life Is a Rock (but the radio rolled me)?

Thank God I've got some Muddy Waters in my CD Player for the 1 hr. Drive home.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Den
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 02:33 PM

Quick Cara zip out the side door and down the alley into the Mudcat Tavern. Have a couple glasheens of Paddy on my tab and we'll be around to perform the exorcism later. We'll try to rid you of the Irish Rover demons that currently torment you. I want you to understand that there could be serious side effects to this particular treatment. The entire bar must perform incantations of knock three times backwards while you hold Irish Rover records under each arm as you stand in a pail of luke warm possum milk. If that doesn't work it could mean...conventional therapy. We now hear the sound of violins ala psycho. Denwhohasbeenworkingtohardlatelyandneedssleep.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Cara
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 02:55 PM

Bless you, Den. The possum milk thing kind of scares me, but I'm willing to try anything to make it stp. make it stop. MAKE IT STTTOOOOPPP!!!!!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: emily rain
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 03:34 PM

the newish thread has reminded me of how much i loath kilkelly ireland. what was that about wrist-slitting? arg. and it doesn't help that the thing is _interminible_.

jeri, my ass is now pernamently detatched thanks to you and your preflaming. hope yer happy. : )

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 03:46 PM

Alright, for the last time...Morrison did not write Light My Fire. It was guitar player Robbie Krieger. In an era where "yummy yummy yummy I've got Love in my Tummy" was acceptable pop lyric, "let's swim to the Moon, let's climb through the tide
celebrate the evening that the City sleeps to hide" was somewhat above the average.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peter T.
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 04:36 PM

I have been too lazy to do the final compilation from our previous competition, but these will be added to the list. "Honey" and "Yellow Ribbon" were pretty close to the top, as was "The Wedding Song". The "Unicorn Song" is a new addition to the list. Am I right that there are two loathesome Unicorn Songs? (One about having a unicorn as a best friend?) Never heard it, but it is in Rise Up Singing, "Home of Many Clunkers" (near Minnehaha).
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 04:46 PM

Now, I don't think all traditional songs need be left out of consideration.

"Prince Heathen" is one I can do without, since ravage songs have all come up.

"Mill O'Tifty's Annie" is another I just can't stand to listen to.

And I think if I hear "Bonnie susie Cleland" one more time I'm gonna do something violent.

These songs are important to the anthropologist, since they represent things that actually happened, and I think it's important to remember that they happened; the songs are just TOO MUCH.

MAG

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Jeri
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 04:57 PM

Emily, get it glued back on real quick, before Catspaw notices.

Nobody's mentioned:
I am, I think
I told the sink
But all it said was "plink, plink, plink"
I am I cried
I am said I
And if the spoons won't talk to me think I will die.

Omphalowatsit at it's worst. (I mean, c'mon, the guy is talking to furniture, for Pete's sake!!!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: lamarca
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 04:58 PM

Lessee, what about "Timothy", the first Top-40 song about cannibalism? Or, for one that penetrates the skull and won't go away, "I'm Hooked on a Feeling" (Oo'-gah chaka, oo'-gah chaka). Anything by Abba ("Voulez-vous couchet avec moi, ce' sois?"; watch the wonderful movie "The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" about three drag queens touring the Australian outback for some good reasons why...)

For nauseating, anti-feminist tripe, there's Gary Puckett's "Young Girl (Get Out of My Life), Paul Anka's "You're Having My Baby (What a Wonderful Way to Say I Love You)", "This Girl is a Woman Now" (another Gary Puckett?), "I've Been to Heaven (But I've Never Been to Me)" and the Bruce Springsteen ditty I always thought of as the "date-rape" song, "Fire" ("She's sayin' no, but I know she's a liar...")

There was a band that used to play the clubs around here called "Dred Zeppelin" who did reggae covers of Led Zep songs, fronted by an Elvis impersonator. Sorry (sort of) that I never got to see their act...

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 05:48 PM

emily....and the scary thing about "Kilkelly Ireland" is how many people LOVE it!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Jon W.
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 06:16 PM

Doesn't anyone else hate "Song Sung Blue" another Neil Diamond clunker that is the very antithesis of what it is about?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: clj
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 06:23 PM

"There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't" Bill Murray. Again I had forgotten some truly horrible songs until lamarca reminded me of anything Gary Puckett did. I believe in miracles, you sexy thang.clj

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Frank Hamilton
Date: 01 Oct 99 - 06:27 PM

My nominee is "Feelings".

Or "Torn Between Two Lovers"

Or children's songs about drugs.

"Puff the magic drag-in Lived by the C (for cocaine) Frolicked in the autumn mist (where you are when high) In the land of Honah Lea (Jazz argo for being stoned) Little Jackie Paper (to roll joints) Loved that rascal "Puff". And gave him strings and sealing wax (to roll joints with) And other fancy stuff. (Drug paraphenalia. Run to your nearest head shop, kiddies..)

Frank Hamilton

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: AnnaMora
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 10:28 AM

How about "Little Rabbit Foo Foo?" hopping through the forest.

I was with some singing friends last night and brought up this thread. I didn't think I knew the song "MacArthur Park." Somebody started singing it and we all groaned. That just has to be the worse. And then we all giggled about that stupid cake out in the rain. Thanks for all the laughs.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peter T.
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 11:44 AM

God. "You're Having My Baby". I have been waiting for something to dislodge the earlier horrors. Has to be the worst song ever. I had completely forgotten this masterpiece by a Canadian (I lived next door to him when I was 3!!!). Worst ever, worst ever. Where is microbrainsurgery when you need it.
yours, Peter T. "You're Having My Baby"!!! Oh God................

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: The Cisco Kid
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 01:50 PM

Worst song I ever heard?

The one Ive just written...... apart from everyting by Celine Dion and Neil Diamond. The Cisco Kid

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Muskrat Susie
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 03:06 PM

Surely the worst song of all time was Muskrat Love!!! My apologies to any of your who now have this tune locked in your brain. Consider punishment for your misdeeds in a former life.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: sophocleese
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 04:11 PM

One song that lodged in my brain cells and is proving impossible to dislodge is that Pink Floyd gem, "just another brick in the wall". I hated it the first time I heard it. It has such a persistent monotonous, brainless drone to it I find myself humming it and hating myself.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Jack
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 09:16 PM

Hey! I happen to LIKE achy breaky heart, Teddy Bear, I love a rainy night and oh Lord, it's hard to be humble! Some of the worst songs on my list: My baby does the hanky panky, wild thing, Single white female, Romance rondezvous

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: catspaw49
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 10:01 PM

This just gets better and better......or worse and worse!!!

In many cases I agree and I gotta' say that you are all to be commended for these rare gems.....after which you can all go to hell for planting these ditties again in my head. Now back up the thread, I opted for the worst/most ridiculous single line as the cake nonsense in "MacArthur Park" and I'll still go with it...But how about a "Worst Class" of songs, a class where damn near everything just really bites? Personally, I'll suggest "Truck Driver Songs" of the Red Sovine variety. Even the best of them are basically bad. I'm not talking CW here, just the trucker songs. Perhaps the best, "Six Days on the Road and I'm Gonna' Make It Home Tonight" still bites and has questionable lyrics as Seed would say.

"My rig is old, but that don't mean she's slow"----Means it probably breaks down a lot and you're not in much demand because of your time record.

"And the smoke is rolling black as coal"----Means your Injection Pump needs set-up at the very least and you can't make a dime 'cause your mileage stinks. At the worst, you're about to get a new Silver 92 installed.

Just a thought gang.............and emily dear, try WEST System Epoxy and a safety screw through your navel.

Spaw

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Jeri
Date: 02 Oct 99 - 11:12 PM

I actually like "Willin'," but what that "and if you give me weed, whites and wine" part means you shouldn't get within five miles of that guy.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 03 Oct 99 - 01:15 AM

Hey Jack, by Romance Rendezvous did you mean Third Rate Romance? I hope not, because that's on my top ten list of songs that I am ashamed of, but just can't help, liking. Also on my list are Brandy (You're a fine girl),MacArthur Park,Boston's More Than a Feeling , Barry Manilow's Weekend in New England , Good Morning Starshine , and Whoa-oh Black Betty, Wham-a-lam. I don't know you guys well enough to confide the other three.

Also, I think Willin' is a great song.

LEJ

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: catspaw49
Date: 03 Oct 99 - 02:05 AM

Gee Leej, I've always had you figured for a guy who'd leave the cake out in the rain and I'm glad to see you're honest about it.

Spaw

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Jeri
Date: 03 Oct 99 - 02:48 PM

I could never take "Third Rate Romance" (low rent rendevous) seriously enough to think it was a bad song. I can't take "Lucille" that seriously either. OH!!! But didn't that remind me of Kenny Rogers' pre-country hit with the First Edition. Something about "the condition my condition is in." Anyone know the lyrics?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Ferret
Date: 03 Oct 99 - 03:15 PM

I can not stand 'The birdy song' is gust AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHRRRR The ferret has gone to liedown in a dark room now. ferret

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Doctor John
Date: 03 Oct 99 - 04:37 PM

Frank, I agree that "Puff" is a snowbird song all right (it couldn't be an accident surely) but it was sung here by a real clean looking living couple and was certainly aimed at children. Perhaps they didn't know what they were singing about; I certainly didn't at the time. There's a tendency in the UK for very anti-establishment figures after a few years to become fawning estabishment versions of their former self (eg David Frost, sorry Sir ...). The Beatles recorded "Strawberry Fields" and "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" but now, 4 OBE's and 1 knighthood later it's "nothing to do with drugs; based on ditties the kids made up..." Was that a pig that flew by? The Guardian did a similar poll and the worst came to be "Shifting Wispering Sands" by Eamon Andrews in the 50's. Yes it is pretty awful. Then Terry Wogan recorded "The Floral Dance". Grim. Is there a tendency for media Irishmen to produce dreadful records. Get to the recording studios Henry Kelly , it's your turn! Dr John

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Hambone
Date: 03 Oct 99 - 05:36 PM

My first choice was "Teddy Bear" but a close second is Joan Baez singing "The Night They Drove Ole Dixie Down". The Nah,na, naaaas, WON'T GO AWAY. For tose of you who love this song, I wish you many Na,na,na, na. na, naaaaas

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Harry Hayfield
Date: 03 Oct 99 - 05:46 PM

Could be one of three

Doop by Doop Mr. Blobby by Me. Blobby Agadoo by Black Lace

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Michael K.
Date: 03 Oct 99 - 08:50 PM

This is a very tough question for me as I've heard so many things butchered.

My job is corporate special event planning. Included in this job, is recommending talent to a client for an event (including music, bands) and other various forms of entertainment. (Prior to this I was a professional musician for almost 18 years, so I know a little bit about music.)

I get a lot of bands, musicans, instrumentalists and vocalists bombarding me with ''demo'' tapes, on a weekly basis (and you wonder why so many A&R guys at record companies are on drugs?) (Not me, though I've contemplated it after listening to certain demos.)

There are some things I receive that are so bad, they sometimes make me laugh out loud, others depress me because somewhere, some parents have told some daughters or sons (reinforced by their non-musician friends)for many years, that they really have talent. And of course in reality, they don't and wouldn't recognize it if it bit them on the ass. Some could play and sing their repertoire and make a very good living as comedians, but as musicians. Notta.

There is a female singer that Rick Fielding and I know of, (and we will keep her name out of this public forum) that performs at pay-what-can-at-door coffee houses. This is a fairly attractive looking woman, who writes original tunes and accompanys herself on the guitar. She has also released some CDs. I met her at an event I was doing awhile back, as she was the girlfriend of one of the guests in attendance and her boyfriend came over to me (after finding out I was the agent-boy) and starting extolling the talents of this lovely creature...so under the circumstances I asked her to send me a demo, and the CD and promo package arrived a few days later. Very nice professional looking package. (Ironically some of the worst material I've heard comes in the most professional looking packaging. Why is that?!) I throw on the CD, and after several minutes, I detect droplets of blood dripping out of my ears and the after shock left me with a severely puckered sphincter muscle which I was able to alieviate only by throwing on Taj Mahals ''Senior Blues'' CD.

Her tunes had no hooks to them; they're like endless verses without choruses (hmmm...really early Dylan?), and the voice, is raspy, out-of-tune and the sound of someone scraping their fingernails on a blackboard would be preferable. I got thru the album (listening to about 30 seconds of each cut) and then threw it in the garbage figuring the CD was homesick anyway.

Just one of many many anecdotes I could share with you all....All in all though, I would say the worst thing I've ever heard (sent to me) (and no offense to anybody here on the 'Cat) was an obviously carioke musical background of Morris Alpert's tune ''Feelings", sung completely out of key, AND out of time, by a woman with a very thick East Indian accent. I seriously considered sending this tune to the producers of ''The Simpsons'' for soundtrack use for one of the shows. There, it would have been a perfect fit.

......now where's that joint?!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Ferret
Date: 03 Oct 99 - 09:28 PM

it over here Michaec. ferret

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 12:36 AM

God, I've tried to stay out of this. One person's awful song is another's childhood favourite. One of the things I used to do to while away the hours while playing in bars was to ask folks to name their least favourite song and then sing and play it in a totally unrelated style. "The Unicorn" done like Bob Marley, would be an example. Inevitably someone's feelings would be hurt that a whole room of people were making fun of their favourite song, and being the wimp I am I'd feel bad. Gotta say though that in the (very loose) folk vein "Eve of Destruction" is one notch lower than "In the Year 2525" by Zager and Evans. I never sang either of those turkeys but I sure got asked for them a lot. An ethical question of the day (when I was footloose and single) might have been "If an absolutely gorgeous woman asked you to sing "Eve Of Destruction" and then asked you back to her place, would you go?" NO! I got standards!

Hi Seed, I hate to tell you that I go back far enough to remember that it wasn't the Everlys who sang "When", it was the Kalen Twins.

Rick

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 07:37 AM

I'm really lucky. I didn't realise how lucky until I read this thread and found there are several songs I've never heard (because I have heard the rest). Is the unicorn song the one that goes "... green alligators and long-neck geese, humpty-backed camels and chimpanzees, cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born ..."? PLease say it is, because if it isn't, there's another one!!

I know why van Gogh cut off his ear and shot himself: he had Mynheer's (sp?) disease. Anyone got a rhyme for that?

The worst song, give or take a few, I've heard was on an album of "country" songs in the late sixties: "There's a star-spangled heaven for every soldier boy/Who fights to keep our country clean and free", relating the wisdom of the Padre (pass the Lord and praise the ammunition!) to his young charges.

When we were celebrating the end of WWII a while back, we found some gems and some, er, others. One was called "The Wop [sorry] and the Jap and the Hun", and was other wise not bad under the circumstances. I asked Dave Sealy of Cosmotheka if he'd come across it while researching their WWII songs series for BBC Radio 2, and he told me the worst one he'd found was one called Belsen Bill: I never asked further, and I don't want to know.

This thread could run and run.

Steve

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Dan Evergreen
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 11:28 AM

"Look at Them Beans." Johnny Cash; "That's My Job." Conway Twitty; "Honey." Whats-his-face; "Slow Hand." Conway Twitty; "Look at Them Beans." Johnny Cash. (I think I'm going to tho' up.)

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Ely
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 01:29 PM

Agreed with most of what's been posted (MacArthur Park, It's a Small World, Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town, etc). I tend to have a problem with Christmas songs, especially pop-style ones--I've always hated "Frosty the Snowman" with a passion, and the line in "Jolly Old St Nicholas" about 'as for me, my little brain isn't very bright/bring to me, O Santa Claus, what you think is right' makes me cringe. I'm always irked by songs whose meanings are so obvious you wonder that somebody actually took the effort to turn them into rhyme and verse. Stuff like "Morning Dew" (the one about nuclear fallout, recorded by Bonnie Dobson in the 60's). And, although in general I'm willing to let late-Dylan surrealism go, I've never been able to stand "Farewell, Angelina".

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 05:40 PM

Let's see... What Condition my Condition was in..Kenny Rodgers affecting a psychedelic personna with the First Edition. Only remember bits n pieces:

"I saw myself crawlin' out, as I was crawlin' in
Eight miles out of Memphis and I've got no cares
Eight miles straight up downtown somewhere
I just dropped in
to see what condition my condition was in Yeah yeah oh yeah - what condition my condition was in"

and " somebody took electric sign(?)
and painted black letters on a dead-end street"

That's about it. Kenny would probably prefer that all of us forgot the lyrics.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Marki
Date: 04 Oct 99 - 06:38 PM

The worst song ever recorded, in my opinion, is that truly annoying piece of garbage called "Roxanne" by some group that I'm really glad I don't remember their name. ANd to think radio stations actually play that. Go figure....

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Jon W.
Date: 05 Oct 99 - 12:08 PM

"Roxanne" was by The Police (featuring Sting on bass and vocals) who otherwise put out some really fun songs. It's just that "Roxanne" is the worst they ever did (except for possibly the remix of "Don't Stand So Close-1985") and why is it that the radio stations play it so much?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Bill D
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 01:23 PM

me, I'm lucky...'cause a lot of the 'worst' songs mentioned are pop/rock/SSW stuff(along with some "country")....and ever since I heard Snooky Lanson try to sing "Rock Around the Clock" on 'Your Hit Parade' in about 1955, I realized that the coming trend in pop music was not for me...I barely listened to anything for several years..then in the early 60's, the 'folk scare' hit...but I missed 'most' of the pop-folk stuff even then..I knew who Joan Baez and the Limelighters were, but simply did not go out of my way to find them. I got into a folk group who were doing a lot of trad stuff, and saw the Beers Family, Pete Seeger, aabd The New Lost City Ramblers, and found Richard Dyer-Bennet and Jean Redpath in the library..(and Burl Ives for some things)...and away we went!

So...I simply was not LISTENING to the pop-crud..(yeah, sure, I missed a few good things...but...)...now I have over 500 records...400+ of which I really like, and LOTS of tapes, songbooks, etc...enough for a lifetime+ without EVER hearing MacArthur Park..(wouldn't know it if it bit me on the butt!)

Is this snobbery & eliteism? *shrug*..maybe..*grin*..I do have fun, though

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: McMusic
Date: 06 Oct 99 - 09:03 PM

Don't know if anyone mentioned these or not (such a long thread; so little time): "Honey" a putrid tearjerker from the 60's, sung by Bobby Goldsboro, and the song sung by that awful, damned purple dinosauer--"I love you; you love me....).

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Owlkat
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 01:49 AM

Hi again. I can't believe that you've left this song out of your lists. This is surely one of the most despicable abuses of the songwriters art. It's so mind-bogglingly evil. These are the only words I can remember. Sort of.

"The Ballad of The Green Berets"

...thirteen men(?) test today, but only three(?) wear the green beret!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 03:27 AM

I don't mind lyrics being a bit silly; they're not supposed to be poetry, after all (at least not in popular songs). What really gets up my nose is inexcusably bad grammar, such as "The clouds roll by/For you and I": they might roll by for you. mate, but they certainly don't roll by for I!

Actually, I should take the wind out of my own sails by admitting that I sing "before that you'll marry I" in Blackwaterside, but that's a trad. song and doesn't count!

Steve

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 07:00 AM

My own I hope someone reads this, maybe Catspaw cause the cat seems to read EVERTHING. But it is really a question. Why is it, not long after I create what I feel is a beautiful piece of music, I start disliking it? Do other people have those feelings? Is it my high expectations on my work? I find it sad, because I never really relax and enjoy my creations. Little Neo

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: paddymac
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 04:27 PM

There's a vein in american "country" music that offers a veritable cornucopia of klunkers, some so bad that they are actually hillarious. Two of the "standouts" are "I would'a wrote ya a letter, but couldn't spell yechhhhhh" and (my personal nominee for all-time second-worst song) "Drop kick me Jesus through the goal posts of life". The top spot is reserved for "It's a small world after all".

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peter T.
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 04:47 PM

Little Neo, I think it is called post-partum depression. When you are creating something you think for a while that it is the best thing ever, but then the ardour cools and you feel that it no longer carries the aura of creation (And therefore the grand solution to all things) around with it. Psychologists have a field day with this depressive position (relating it to greed and certain bodily functions).....I am not making this up.
Steve, concerning the Unicorn Song, I believe that there are these two songs, one of which is the Irish Rover's Noah and the Ark song, and the other is something Peter, Paul, and Mary sing about having a unicorn as a best friend. I recall some Mudcatter complaining about having to sing the Unicorn Song, and it sounded like it was the latter, not the former. I have never heard the latter, so it might be terrific.
I still think "Having My Baby" has the highest position for me on the Vomitometer, but what of "Wind Beneath My Wings"? Can this be beaten for sheer narcissism disguised as compliment?
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 05:46 PM

Little neophyte outgrew her baby shoes. Thanks Peter T, I believe clinical psychology would have a hay day with me. I think I'm experiencing musician growing pains. Growth spurts on the learning curb where I lose interest in what I created because I sense I could do so much more. WOS

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: ddw
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 08:44 PM

I'd personally rather sit on a hot poker than listen to Sheryl Crowe's "Winding Road."

ddw

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: John
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 09:28 PM

The worst song I ever heard was a little ditty composed by someone down here in Oz called "Mummy, do they have guitars in heaven?" It was intended to be the worse country song ever written, and in that it may have succeeded. I guess against competition like that, it really is a brilliant song!!!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: j0_77
Date: 07 Oct 99 - 09:57 PM

Different kinds of Art produce different kinds of response. Never did figure out what was the worst art or the best. I know what I like, certain singer's voices give me the eebe jeebes but that is God's doing making my ears the way they are.

:)

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: fox4zero
Date: 08 Oct 99 - 06:01 PM

The song that still drives me insane is PAPER WOSES by Marie Osmond. I can't get her cute wittle withp out of my head....I hadn't thought of it for years.

Just about every country song after 1951.

Parish

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Kira
Date: 08 Oct 99 - 09:18 PM

Apparently, none of you have a pre-school aged child - because nobody said "THE BARNEY SONG" !

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 08 Oct 99 - 09:21 PM

I don't know if PP&M recorded it, but the "other" Unicorn Song is by Margie Adam, and it's great.

When I was very small/ My best friend was a Unicorn;/ The others smiled at me and called me - crazy;/ But I was not upset/ By knowing I did not conform/ I always knew their thinking must be - hazy/

(Chorus) The unicorn and I would while away the hours/ dancing prancing and romancing in the wild flowers and we'd sing/ seeing is believing - in the things you see/ Loving is believing in the ones you love.

She was pianist and singer/songwriter around in the 70's; I have no idea what she's up to now.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: McMusic
Date: 09 Oct 99 - 03:44 AM

More contemporary country songs, anyone? About 15 yrs. ago a song which had in its chorus :"Just a-swangin'..." "A Headache Tomorrow, Or A Heartache Tonight". And kudos to all who mention "Loving You"! God pity us, what a hideous song!!!! And "Tie Me Kangeroo Down, Sport"? No offense to our friends Down Under, but does anyone remember Pat Boone's version of that song? Or--God help us--his cover of "Tutti-Fruitti"? Not a great song in the first place, but to hear it sung in "bleach" is awful! Come to think of it, maybe we can add the Pat Boone discography in its entirety to the list!!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Muskrat 2
Date: 09 Oct 99 - 09:09 PM

How about "Hello, I Love You, Won't You Tell Me Your Name?" by the Doors? Yuck!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Bluesy
Date: 09 Oct 99 - 09:19 PM

how about the Pat Boone Metal album? Crazy Train, Stairway to Heaven and Smoke on The Water in particular. If you haven't heard this, you should make an effort to. It is horrible.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: sophocleese
Date: 09 Oct 99 - 10:39 PM

Why should I waste my time listening to Pat Boone? Have you ever heard recordings of Florrie Foster Jenkins disembowelling the Queen of the Night aria from the Magic Flute. What was particularily cruel about the CD I heard was that they also played some other couple doing horrible, horrible things to Faust as well. That couple had only recorded themselves singing for their own pleasure, not to try and sell records for profit. 'Course they had given theor permission for the CD.... I've lost my Party Death tape that I used to have around. It had really bad songs from the seventies, ( the first one was 'I Like Dreaming', I've forgotten the rest) I used it once at a party that was invaded by beings from some other planet. It repelled them.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Lowden Unruly
Date: 09 Oct 99 - 10:42 PM

Billy the Kid , not the great old folk song, but the original abomination by Billy Joel, something like "It was their dream " by Patty Larkin that I unwittingly put in my CD player (it was on a sampler) and of course "Spirit in the Sky" which sounds like JL Hooker on sacharine. Gag me with a forklift. LR

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 10 Oct 99 - 06:00 PM

Muskrat I love that song!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: MAG (inactive)
Date: 10 Oct 99 - 07:43 PM

Florence Foster Jenkins doing Queen of the Night belongs on a thread of recordings so bad they're funny, which is why it got (gets?) played on the Midnite Special a lot.

If you've missed her, she was a society lady with operqtic pretensions - had the dough to vanity record, and throw concerts for her friends to attend. the sad/funny part was, she had the notes in her range, just couldn't be bothered to actually learn the material. she could have afforded the best voice coach money could buy, but didn't.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Lonesome Dave
Date: 10 Oct 99 - 09:00 PM

The entire Harry Chapin songbook.In every song he wrote he would use the last verse to explain the song in case you were too stupid to get it.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: McMusic
Date: 12 Oct 99 - 03:12 AM

Bluesy--I'm not sure my nerves/stomach could take it. I'd heard he recorded a metal album, thought it a joke. Ah, well--I'd rather he do that than destroy traditional music. How 'bout you? And Kira--I didn't fergit th' song. I mentioned it in the same gag as I did the song "Honey."

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Roger the Skiffler
Date: 12 Oct 99 - 06:25 AM

Just to prove ( if proof were needed!) just how out of step with the known world I am, my nomination "I am the Walrus", got into a recent UK poll of top ten favourite lyrics. Three (count, 'em, THREE ) Robbie Williams songs were in there and Lennon's "Imagine" was top. Hoagy Carmichael (who only wrote the tune) gets in at no 10 with "Stardust".
RtS

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Pete peterson
Date: 12 Oct 99 - 10:10 AM

Back about 10 postings Little Neo said something like 'how come I only like the song I wrote till I've finished it and then my satisfaction drops and I get disgusted with it?" Not sure I have an answer since I have much more fun singing other people's songs than creating my own, but I remember an artist *(painter) saying "no work of art is ever done, at best it is pulled out of the artist's clutching hands" and maybe she was trying to say Ialways think the NEXT one isgoing to be the masterpiece. Maybe what you are doing is really good-- it enables you to go on to the NEXT piece. Not that it's a comfort, but no artist can ever judge the quality of their own work. Sometimes one gets pleasantly surprised by other people's opinions. Don't give up!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peter T.
Date: 12 Oct 99 - 05:05 PM

Roger the Skiffler, no one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the British public. At least they didn't top the polls with the rewritten version of "Goodbye Norma Jean" for Princess Diana.
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: The Duck of the Irish
Date: 13 Oct 99 - 12:31 AM

All Rap songs are tied for worst, then Rock and Roll Heaven!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From:
Date: 13 Oct 99 - 02:06 PM

Hello I'm back after a few months of Netlessness. If we could summarize what really gets under the most folks skin, it's: "just about everything that got heavy rotation on AM radio in the 70's, with strings". I see it as a hellish collision of lyricists stretching (past) the limits of their talents to accommodate the new freedoms and pretensions(Having My Baby, McArthur F*****g Park, certainly anything by N Diamond, and the aforementioned "Timothy, where on earth did you go? God why don't I know? (burp)"--all songs with highly unmemorable melodies, with these arrangers --for all I know, maybe it was just one guy--who got ahold of the songs and added these perky little hooks with flutes and strings and bang, you right away (a) hated the thing and (b) could NOT get it out of your cranium. They had bad melodies, worse lyrics but did they have HOOKS!

Fortunately, the whole top 40 thing sort of died , but unfortunately the bad 70's bubblegum music torch has been picked up by the so-called "new country" stations. A place where "that's my girl, my whole world but that ain't my truck" is one of the better entries. Almost anything sung by a man in this format seems to be a golly whiz paean to faithful devotion to his gosh darn best gal pal in the whole world under God and the Stars and Stripes. Makes me want to--oh, never mind.

Bill C

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Toni
Date: 14 Oct 99 - 08:43 AM

I couldn't resist - I have an all-time-most-hated song that has been mentioned in this list a couple of times - "I've Never Been to Me" by someone called "Sharleen" (I think). It's the first track in "Pricilla Queen of the Desert" & nearly put me off an otherwise brilliant movie!

"I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete..." "I've been undressed by kings & I've seen some things that a woman aint 'sposed to see, I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me..."

PL-EASE!!! Get a life!

The scary thing is I know most of the words - this crap just seems to embed itself into your brain.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: JedMarum
Date: 14 Oct 99 - 09:17 AM

Wow - what a great thread! And what a great list! I think I agree with every bad song listed - they were all my favorite stupidest songs of all time, it seems, at one time or another! Two thoughts to add though;

Someone listed a Neal Diamond classic, and I'd have to go further to add just about any Neal Diamond song would make my trash list, at least if Neal is singing it.

But my nominee for the world's all time worst pop tune is the Pina Colada Song - you know the one where the guy's tired of his girlfriend - puts an ad in the paper for a romantic opportunity - and it is responded to by his girlfriend? This classic bad song had absurd lyrics, a childish point, incredibly unimaginitve melody, a bad arrangement, and was sung by an extremely limited singer. Seems to me this stinker's a hand on winner!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Gint
Date: 14 Oct 99 - 06:56 PM

I am my own grampa the rendition by Tom Arnold in the film The Stupids, I had a friend who kept playing it & playing it, I think it reminded him of his own family

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: paddymac
Date: 15 Oct 99 - 06:00 PM

For all you lovers of "The Unicorn" and rap, there's a CD you just gotta hear. It's called "We have a Dream" by an Ohio group named "Brigid's Cross". A great group of really talented and nice folks. Their sense of hunmor is best reflected at the end of the CD. There's a track not listed on the jacket or disk itself there, which I suspect was created after way too many pints or some other influence. Here it is guys & gals - it's probably the first and hopefully only rap version of Ol' Shel's Unicorn by the "Too White For You Rap Band". It's really a gas - about like a pizza fart, but hilarious as well.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Ron
Date: 16 Oct 99 - 09:55 AM

Tulsa Time I enjoy hearing Don Williams, and he won a Grammy for this song, but I can't stand it.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,guest Baillie
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 01:30 PM

...Speaking of 'Honey' by Bobby Goldsboro, at least that song spawned a damned good parody, if anyone wants the words I've got them!

...I met her on the midnight bus, she didn't laugh, she didn't fuss,
she just took my fare, and I admired silently the ticket that she gave to me, it matched the colour of her hair..

And on it goes...

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: mike the knife
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 04:28 PM

There is not enough bandwith here to list all of the offensive twaddle, syrupy pablum, and annoying bumf that is out there. "2525" is bad, "Seasons in the Sun" and "Shannon" (it's gonna hurt- she's drifting off to sea- WTF is that?) will cause spontaneous abortion in cattle. "Patches" is inexcusable, as are most of the 1960's & 70's AM radio staples. "Cherokee Nation" makes me want to kill myself.
There should be no place to hide for all of the composers, musicians, record company execs, record store clerks and their ilk who foist this crap off onto us. They will NOT take their fingers off of the "Feeling Button". Seek them out in ther fetid lairs and eliminate them.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: PoppaGator
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 04:58 PM

Mention of the god-awful Pina Colada Song reminds me of a song that makes me grind my teeth whenever I hear it: "Kokomo" by the Beach Boys.

Don't get me wrong: I love Brian Wilson and his brothers and cousin and friend, and the song marked their long-delayed comeback, BUT:

I'll never be able to accept the idea of "Kokomo" as a tropical paradise. Kokomo is a small city with a large military base on US 31 in Indiana, where I was once snowbound on a Greyhound bus -- in November! I know I'm not being the least bit objective about this, but I just can't listen to any song that extols the virtues of balmy Kokomo!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Cruiser
Date: 29 Dec 03 - 05:28 PM

'Midnight at the Oasis' by Maria Muldaur (mule deer!)

Midnight at the oasis
Send your camel to bed...

With fifty girls to attend him, they all send him
Jump at his beck and call

I'll be your belly dancer, [romancer]
And you can be my sheik

And the bestiality line;

And you won't need no camel, oh no
When I take you for a ride

Heaven's holding a half moon {the song deserves a full moon, IYKWIM}

Oh why did I open this thread. Maria's shrieking voice reverberates throughout my head, bouncing around like the violent winds off the sand dunes.....

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST, Mikefule
Date: 30 Dec 03 - 02:41 AM

I can't remember the whole song but I have it on a Bix Beiderbeck tape somewhere with the lyric

Heaven abovable
Made you so lovable
Love me lovable child.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST, Mikefule
Date: 30 Dec 03 - 02:45 AM

Here we go, good ol' Google:

Transcribed from vocals by Bing Crosby, with the Paul Whiteman Orchestra, n.d.,
From Bix "n" Bing with the Paul Whiteman Orchestra, Academy Sound and Vision, CD AJA 5005.

Lovable!
There's no use talking,
You're so lovable!
When we go walking I throw out my chest,
Say, you're the best;
Others just imitate
Kisses that you create!

Lovable!
You got a way of pettin'
That just drives me wild!
Say!
Heaven above-able,
Made you so lovable,
Love me, lovable child!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Music Lover
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 07:43 PM

I hope the laxative goes to work soon . . .

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 07:52 PM

I know it's a bit late to point this out, Poppagator, but there are six places in the United States called Kokomo, including one in Hawaii.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 08:31 PM

There was a hit by a Thingummyjig Travis (not the group, a singer) in the eighties that had the line "I ain't in love with your hair...". I loathed that with passion, and so I managed to erase it from memory...
Also - anything those two Spanish girls sang in the 70's ("Yes Sir - I will boogie..." yeeaachhh!).
Also - some of my own stuff that Her Indoors has rightly vetoed.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Amergin
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 08:35 PM

long black veil certainly is high on the list...as well as most anything by the Doors...

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 05 Mar 04 - 11:45 PM

Watching a TV show about the Blues in England with folks like Georgie Fame, John Mayall and Clapton and for God only knows why, Tom Jones!
The man has become a carricature of himself and I nominate his entire discography, especially "The Green, Green Grass of Home". If he gets any bigger he will surpass the "fat" Elvis.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST
Date: 06 Mar 04 - 03:42 AM

No matter how many horrible songs are out there, I still can't move "After the Lovin'" from the number one spot on my list. Nothing makes me shudder like the opening line from that song.

I've seen Ode to Billy Joe mentioned numerous times on the worst song thread and I wonder what it is that makes people hate it. I think from a songwriting perspective, it's a pretty well-written song. No hook, too many verses and an interestingly told story. I like that.

How about Crimson and Clover? God!! What tripe!!!

And yeah, Jim Morrison wrote clumsy, barely collegiate level lyrics and SO many people think he was a profound genius. That's showbiz.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Susanl
Date: 06 Mar 04 - 03:43 AM

That last submission was from me. Sorry.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Shanghaiceltic
Date: 06 Mar 04 - 04:02 AM

The Theme from the Titanic!

A favourite in China's karaoke parlours and anywhere with public singing. Sung without regards to key or ability to hit a right note.

Grandma sung by Clive Dunn.

When it came out back in the late 70's early 80's two crew members of a submarine I was serving on went into Helensburgh bought and paid for 10 copies and then jumped up and down on them much to the surprise of the staff of J Menzies!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 06 Mar 04 - 08:31 AM

1. The Lightning Express
2. Okie From Muskogie
3. This Kiss, worst line ever in a song ' It's Centrifugal Motion '
pronounced, sentriffagal.
why are all the worst songs C&W
eric

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 07 Mar 04 - 01:37 AM

Eve of Destruction
Horse With No Name
YMCA
Kung Fu Fighting
Onward Christian Soldiers

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Guest
Date: 07 Mar 04 - 04:53 AM

BRUCIE? With a name like Brucie, how can you denigrate "YMCA", the gay guys national anthem? Or GW Bush's "Onward CHRISTIAN Soldiers"?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 07 Mar 04 - 11:36 AM

GUEST, guest

Ya know, when I first used the name 'brucie' on the Mudcat, one of the fellows sent me a message to tell me I'd have to live with it once I used it. I informed him that the name Bruce was taken already, so I'd suck it up and move on. YOU are the person he was warning me about! LOL

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Jeri
Date: 07 Mar 04 - 11:47 AM

What we have here is an abundance of Bruces. Brucie, I think you meant Bruce Olson, who passed away last year. Of course, there are probably other Bruces. Someone could be Brusse or Brusce or Broose, or spell it in Gaelic something like 'Bhraieoufhssphtaeiou'. (Except I think that' would be pronouced 'Arnold'.

And I LIKE 'YMCA'. A former local group did a bluegrass version of it.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Pete Betts (inactive)
Date: 07 Mar 04 - 12:09 PM

Everley BROTHERS -Ebony Eyes
Roy Orbison - There won`t be many coming home.
Jim Dale ? Goodbye Buddy ( Holly )
Agadoo , Chirpy chirpy cheep cheep, Birdie Song take your pick
unfortunately they all sold remarkably well - so what do we / I know ?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 07 Mar 04 - 12:17 PM

Jeri,

In bluegrass, maybe. By the Village People: NO! NO! NO! Death, where is thy sting? The song never went away. Kids today in school dances are getting DJs to play the song. Then they do that thing with the arms. Took me years to figure out they are making the letters Y M C A in the air. I did not take enough medication in the '60s to understand the disco era.

". . . or spell it in Gaelic something like 'Bhraieoufhssphtaeiou'. (Except I think that' would be pronouced 'Arnold'." LMAOROTF

brucie (and proud of it).

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 07 Mar 04 - 10:45 PM

These Boots Are Made For Walking

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Jim Knowledge
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 11:30 AM

I `ad that Whispering Bob `arris in my cab once. `e asked me what was the worst song I `ad ever `eard? I said that one by Van Morrison. `e said what one? I said I dunno, I couldn`t make out the words!!
What am I like?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 12:16 PM

Brucie, thanks for taking my jibes in the intended spirit :-) But wait a minute! What's with the "Boots" thing?
Pete Betts, you brought back some horrible, horrible memories. I immediately heard that "Buddy Holly Tribute" tune in my head. It wasn't Jim Dale, it was Mike Berry (1963) - written by G. Goddard.
What a wonderful thing this world wide web is - within only two searches I turned up the immortal (if sparse) lyrics.

Wow-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, yeah-yea-yea-yeaaah-yeah
Snow was snowing, wind was blowing
When the world said, goodbye Buddy
Still I know that up in heaven
Is where we'll hear him sing again

Wow-oh-oh-oh-oh, yeah-yeah, yeah-yea-yeaaah
We'll always remember Buddy Holly

[Spoken]
Buddy Holly was killed in a plane crash, in 1959
But his songs will always be remembered, always

Wow-oh-oh-oh-oh, yeah-yeah, yeah-yea-yeaaah
We'll always remember Buddy...

Snow was snowing, wind was blowing
When the world said, goodbye Buddy
Still I know that up in heaven
Is where we'll hear him sing again

Wow-oh-oh-oh-oh, yeah-yeah, yeah-yea-yeaaah
Wow-oh-oh-oh-oh, yeah-yeah, yeah-yea-yeaaah

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 08:42 PM

GUEST, guest: I thought your jibes were great. I like funny stuff. I knew when I took the 'cat name 'brucie' that I would haer about it. I've laughed at every one of 'em. Thank you.

There is one more song that came out in the CB radio days. I wanted to dig a hole and pull it in after me every time it was played on the radio. The two lines I remember are

" . . . them bears was thick as trees" and the other was from what I think was meant to be a chorus: "We got ourselves a C O N v o y." If anyone would help me to forget those two lines, I will owe you lots. Friggin' words have stayed with me since 1976 or 1977. Too damn long, I can tell you that.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 11:59 PM

Sorry Brucie, no one can help. You are forever destined to have these words zooming around in your brain. You may be 95 with severe alzheimers sitting in the rest home, chattering away and infecting other ancients with ditties about "bears as thick as trees" until the nursing staff give serious consideration to converting the place to an insane asylum.
In the meantime, you will indeed forget lines and even entire verses of songs you have sung and enjoyed hundreds of times, usually about two seconds before you crucially needed to remember them, in the middle of the song and in front of an audience.
Welcome to the human race.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 12:12 AM

Yeah. Did that one night on stage. Was singing something or other and mentally occupied with what I was gonna do later that night. Forgot not only what words acme next, I also had no idea what song I was doing. But I guarantee it wasn't the bears as thick as trees thing. And there it is again!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Joe Richman
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 01:30 AM

I'm not sure what the worst I've ever heard is but in the last 5 min it's 'Girls just want to have fun".

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Joe Richman
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 01:34 AM

Oh yeah, my wife's brother gave her a toy gorilla that played the Macarena. Thankfully it broke within a day. What an awful tune!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Amergin
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 01:58 AM

that giddy up go song thing....red sovine....like anything else he ever did...pure trash.

Brucie...that's not the song Convoy by CW McCall is it?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Hugh Jampton
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 10:50 AM

Brucie,
       So as not to let you escape you will no doubt recall "--they even got a bear in the air!"

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: VIN
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 11:51 AM

Probably our national anthem!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 12:42 PM

Amergin: THAT'S IT! Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty I'm free at last. (You ever need a favour--someone's knees broken, don't want the body found, like that, you let me know). Now I can let it go. Thank you, thank you. You are my new hero. Sorry to Bill Shatner (and his doppelganger, Little Hawk).

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Amergin
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 02:19 PM

Oh.....I wouldn't thank me yet....hehehehehehehe

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Pete Betts
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 02:47 PM

Guest Guest
Date: 08 Mar 04 - 12:16 PM
Thanks a million
Mike Berry (1963)it was - what a goldmine of info.
Apologies to Mr Dale.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: LNL
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 03:41 PM

Well, I hope this isn't sacrilege around here, but: anything I've ever heard by the Kingston Trio. Unfortunately, my dad had a fondness for them when I was little. I still haven't recovered!

Also due to my dad, "Slack Your Rope, Hangman." He thought that what I'm guessing was the PP&M version was a suitable lullaby. He would croon and I would go into hysterics until my mother stepped in.

Not sure if this is the title, but "Ghost Riders in the Sky"... another one I was terrified as a toddler.

For sheer annoyance, "I am Woman" tops my list. On the other hand, I'm secretly a fan of "Leave me Alone (Ruby Red Dress)," "Delta Dawn," and "Angie Baby."

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Maurice Mann
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 03:52 PM

Deck of Cards, by everybody that ever recorded it!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 06:14 PM

Are you all fogetting Achy Breaky Heart? I sure wish that I could as well! Not only was it awful but it seemed to top the charts forever. If this was not the worst ever it sure had to be the most agrivating.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 06:37 PM

Joe Richman:

How'd you break it?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peter Woodruff
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 08:11 PM

This is an answer to another thread. McArthur's Park is the alltime worst song ever written with really sappy lyrics. "Someone left the cake out in the rain?" Give me a break!

Peter

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,freda
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 08:26 PM

I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus..

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 10:43 PM

And exactly WHERE was the mistletoe hanging?

(Lotsa latitude for the wags on this one!)

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Joe Richman
Date: 09 Mar 04 - 11:08 PM

Brucie...believe it or not I didn't break it. It was a cheap toy bought at a gas station, and it just broke of it's own shoddy accord. A shoddy toy playing a shoddy tune. Imagine that!!

Joe

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: maire-aine
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 12:41 PM

I don't know if it's the worst, but the one I hate most is Sonny's Dream.

M.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 04:53 PM

Joe Richman: You did that well. Sounded so sincere. "Honest, officer, I don't know HOW that gun got in my holster." LOL

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Bad Dog
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 05:45 PM

I can't believe the thread has gone on for this long without anyone mentioning the collected works of Burt Bacharach! From "Do you know the way to San Jose?" to whatever, they consisted of utterly banal lyrics set to tunes that were, sort of,well, "anti-music."

The metrical structure was usually symmetrical but jarring, and the melodies seemed to conform to some abstract rules about what notes theorietically went together but never, ever, sounded like a real tune.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Joe Richman
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 08:37 PM

Believe me if it hadn't broken, Brucie, I'd have taken a 9 lb hammer to it. What more can I say? it was probably made in China!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: iancarterb
Date: 10 Mar 04 - 09:45 PM

I did see one mention of Eve of Destruction scanning the responses, but it seems everyone has repressed The Ballad of the Green Berets!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,pattyClink
Date: 11 Mar 04 - 04:23 PM

"The Wedding" or "Irish Wedding Song" or whatever they call it. Stupefyingly bad. It's painful to hear people try to sing it well, it can't be sung well cause it stinks!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: alanabit
Date: 12 Mar 04 - 07:10 AM

El Greko's singing nightmare from Spain was called Baccarat, I believe. They seem to have been forgotten now, which is not a bad thing.
My own least favourite song of the seventies was probably "Daddy Cool" by Boney M. The ladies who had to sell this trash were joined onstage by a little wriggling man. He resembled a worm being toasted. This was the brainchild - or perhaps brain damage - of the German producer Frank Farian. He imported three competent West Indian lady singers and got them to chant a football crowd chorus, written in fake American slang, and recorded the ensuing abomination over an electronic drumbeat. It was moronic in a new sort of way - quite groundbreaking at the time. And what a horrible time it was. Inflation rose. Unemployment rose. Margeret Thatcher rose. Sales of nasty, brutish disco records rose. Not much nostalgia for those days!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 12 Mar 04 - 08:27 PM

Well, I figure I'll break some new ground here. "Teen Angel" is both good and bad. It's schmaltzy but good. Name a few others like that. "Tell Laura I Love Her" qualifies. "Patches" doesn't, because it is one of the greater ballads of all time, despite what folks will say. So?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: matai
Date: 13 Mar 04 - 06:42 AM

Here in NZ 'Ten Guitars' or 'Me and Bobby McGee' always bring on the groans but then most of Leonard Cohen's do as well and he's a great song-writer so there is no accountin' for taste. A musician friend of mine got hold of 'Ten Guitars' and turned it into something like a Beethoven concerto for guitar...very cool.

Matai

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: tempora
Date: 13 Mar 04 - 08:23 AM

Feelings ('nothing more than *dramatic pause* feelings...') ARGH!

& something that goes 'I don't know much, but I know I love you'

I REALLY REALLY hate Stoney...

Seasons in the Sun

Cycles ('So I'm down & so I'm out, but so are many others...') Some silly thing about after winter spring comes. The tune's abominable too.

Not forgetting Simple Man by Charlie Daniels band... Xenophobic racist load of s**t

The thing about these terrible songs is you NEVER forget them. & they just play in your head, and play... and play...

Oh & that version of Bach's double violin concerto where they replaced the violins with voice. Major YUCK.

Cheerios

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: rock chick
Date: 13 Mar 04 - 04:53 PM

chicken in a basket..........I HATE IT...nothing more to say about it. Grrrrrrrrrrr

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 13 Mar 04 - 07:59 PM

Nice to see that the rotten songs are still rolling in!

You know, it's a damn shame that Red Sovine never recorded a collaboration album with William Shatner, and an even greater shame that Big Bill never recorded his own version of "Girl On The Billboard". It would have undoubtedly ROCKED!

I'll put in another nod for the theme of "Titanic".

- LH

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: George Papavgeris
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 06:46 AM

O yes, Baccarat - thanks, alanabit, for bringing the horrible memories back to mind...
Boney M were a German creation too, weren't they? Their "Rasputin" would have started a revolution by itself (of music lovers).
OK, the Greeks are not innocent either. Demis Roussos' voice still rings out in my nightmares, like a cat being put through the mangle - slowly. "Rain and Tears" caused me to cry for all the wrong reasons.
And how abput Tiny Tim's voice, now, there was a case worthy of a muzzle...

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Strollin' Johnny
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 01:21 PM

'Without You' by some twallop called Nilsson.
'Mony Mony' by some ultra-forgettable seventies group.
'I will Survive' by any twerp who ever sang it.
'Simon Says' by another dopey seventies group.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: alanabit
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 03:24 PM

I believe that Mony Mony was by Tommy James and the Shondells and Simon Says was by the 1812 Fruitgum Company. They were both from the sixties - allegedly the golden age of pop music. I think Gloria Gaynor was the first to unleash "I Will Survive" upon us. Like Strolling Johnny, my first thought on hearing it was, "I hope you don't love" - well - as a pop star anyway. That was the early seventies, so I guess it belonged alongside other pieces of its time like "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep" - (very cheap but not particularly chirpy peice about a rapidly vanishing family).
Frank Farian was/is indeed German, El Greko. If you think he was bad, you should hear Dieter Bohlen, famous wife beater and perpetrator of garbage like "Brother Louie". TS Barnum should have been born into this age. There's one born every second these days!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 05:32 PM

That's funny, alanabit. That's exactly the same thought I had upon hearing "I Will Survive". Ironical, isn't it? A medley of "I Am Woman"/"I Will Survive"/"You and Me Against the World" would be a killer disc! Perhaps Mariah Carey could be persuaded to do it?

- LH

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST
Date: 14 Mar 04 - 06:06 PM

'Rock Me Amadeus'
The Greats of Manilow: I Write The Songs, Mondy, but in particular Copacabana
Any songs where adults mimic children singing super syrupy, such as that one about Jesus not liking when adults are mean to widdle childwen
Nearer my god to thee
and the one which is dreadfully great, but I have to close my eyes when I write the name or else the damn thing will recycle in my synapses for about 16 hours: Turning Japanese

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: alanabit
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 04:23 AM

You have a perverse imagination, don't you LH? I don't doubt that your proposal for a horrendous medley would rake in the dollars. You had better not play it within my hearing though!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: JJ
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 09:04 AM

Alan, that was the 1910 Fruitgum Company. 1812 is an overture. You also appear to have conflated TS Eliot with PT Barnum. ;-)

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: alanabit
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 02:55 PM

You are quite right of course. I should have known. In fact I did know better. Next time I shall wake up before typing! Thanks for the correction.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Shlio
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 04:19 PM

There is a song that I always get stuck in my head. I have no idea who sang it, when they sang it or why they sang it. I only know eleven words and a tiny part of the tune, and I'm not even sure where I heard it or if I ever did.
Nevertheless, when my mind goes blank the words drift across my defenceless mind..."it was an itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka dot bikini..."
HELP!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: alanabit
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 04:33 PM

Was it Brian Hyland? Yeah, it was ghastly!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 04:45 PM

"Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini" was also recorded in the German language! You've gotta hear it to believe it.

It was among the most frequently played novelty songs of the 60's, which included great works like "Monster Mash", "MacArthur Park", "Winchester Cathedral", "Ahab the Ay-rab", "Alley Oop", "Huggin' and a-kissin' with Fred (in the back seat)", "Snoopy and the Red Baron", and "One-eyed, One-Horned, Flying Purple People Eater". A lot of those fell in the category of one-hit wonders. Bob Dylan wrote none of them. :-)

Now if William Shatner could be persuaded to record a modern compilation disc of the best (or worst) of these 60's novelty tunes, I should think it would be just unforgettable, conveying a resonance of those historic times that would be, well, timeless...

I'm gonna call him up on the weekend and suggest it.

- LH

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peace
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 04:51 PM

GUEST Shlio: Your problem is that you imagine her with the bikini ON. Imagine her with the bikini off, and listening to Shatner's "Greatest Hits." Your worries about the song will fade away in sexual bliss. Bliss, I tell you.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: alanabit
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 05:02 PM

Little Hawk, I have heard it sung in German. What's worse is that I understand that language. Believe me, it was no reason to develop a greater love for either the "song" or the German language. I think that the appalling song about sitting in the back seat was called "Seven Little Girls". Trust you to remind me of something I would rather have forgotten... If either you or Brucie really does put that Star Trek has been up to that prank, believe me, terrible things will happen. I know not yet just what they will be, but they shall be called the terrors of the earth! (Unquote, misquote).

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peter Woodruff
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 06:53 PM

I still stand by my first denuciation in another thread. McArthur's Park has to be the worst song anyone has had to melt in a park to.

woody

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Peter Woodruff
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 06:56 PM

Tincap you got it right!

woody

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: JennyO
Date: 15 Mar 04 - 08:55 PM

I vaguely remember a thing called "5 minute love affair". It was sort of spoken by someone with a deep and mournful voice, and accompanied by a twangy guitar backing.

I don't remember most of the words, but towards the end there were these fragments that I remember -

After she had taken me for all that *****
She left me **** *** ********, and smouldering all alone
*****************************************

and the final punchline -

You think I have no feelings, cos I'm just a cigarette.

Anyone else remember more of this?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,tony
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 11:00 AM

MY Ding-a-ling -By Chuck Berry and " Don"t Worry, Be Happy.
Those 2 are a hundred times worse than " We built this City " by the Starship

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: KateG
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 12:16 PM

"They're coming to take me away, ha ha, he he..."

Aged 14 or thereabouts we used to listen to this incessantly till Star Trek came on. I surprised that none of my girlfriends or I were the subject of well-deserved infanticide.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: SINSULL
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 12:37 PM

FFEEEEEEELLLLINGGGGSSSSS whoa whoa whoa FFFEEEELLLLIIINNGGSSSSS
Has to be the worst
BUT
I did remember another piece of crap from around the same time.

"Here I Stand"
The bride is in love with the best man but doesn't want the groom to know. The best man knows but also doesn't want the groom to know. AND the groom knows.

"Here I stand
His ring is on my hand
But he's second best in my heart
He loves me so
Oh Lord don't let him know
That I'm only playing a part."

Great message for the under fourteen crowd. No wonder 50% of all marriages fail.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: belter
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 05:30 PM

I think maybe the worst song I ever heard was the theam song to a short lived action sit com staring Bruce Camble (I forget the name of the sitcom) as a revelutionary war hero sent on a diplomatic mision to some obscure corner of the world to get rid of him(wise of them). The song murdered the tune to "the Battle of New Orleans"

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 06:56 PM

I wouldn't be willing to pay enough attention to the mechnanized tantrums that come out of the loudspeakers these days to *rank* them; but of the songs that are actually sung & enjoyed by people I know & like, I think "Harriet Tubman" by Walter Robinson takes the prize. It contains no information about its subject; instead we get unimaginable imagery (a train with a lifeline & a first mate) and unparsable syntax. I am ordinarily latitudinarian at sings, but when that one started I conceived an errand in the kitchen.

Of the songs mentioned by others in this thread, I am happy to say that I have heard very few. Of those, I rather admire "Kilkelly, Ireland" (interesting people), "Onward, Christian Soldiers" (tho an atheist, I am a sucker for hymns), and "Puff, the Magic Dragon". As to the last, the consensus on rec.music.folk used to be that the druggy allusions were not intentional. In any case, it contains a sentiment far more subversive than cocaine, in the line

A dragon lives forever, but not so little boys,

which equates growing up with death -- quite correctly, of course, in the long run.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Deckman
Date: 12 Aug 04 - 08:32 PM

One that I wrote! Bob

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From:
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 01:19 AM

Worst song? Well, in terms of both singing ability, and lyric content, I would say the worst was The Bonanza Theme Song

I heard it on an out-takes show about 20 years ago, and can't get the image out of my mind!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Joe_F
Date: 13 Aug 04 - 05:37 PM

Bob/Deckman: To which posting (& about which song) is that a reply? (If I were dictator, I would move this whole Forum to a newsgroup so that the connections could be rendered in a civilized manner.)

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 06:40 AM

I think the song mentioned in the posting on 1st October 1999 by Charles Kratz (as you can see I am a little slow to react sometimes) was "Ode To Billie Joe", not "Ballad of Billy Joe". I was also of the opinion that Billie Joe (McAllister) was a girl who thew herself over the bridge with the unspellable/unpronounceable name. The song was performed by Bobbie Gentry (also female) - whatever happened to her? Actually I don't think it was a bad song, and if you listen to any song dozens of times (at least in a short space of time)you will probably get very tired of it and start finding fault.

Actually it is probably better to write a really bad song than just a mediocre one as at least people remember it. As Oscar Wilde said "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about". Perhaps someone should start up a workshop "How to write excruciatingly bad songs". It is also interesting that some of the people who have written or performed bad songs are highly respected, eg Eric Bogle, Don Maclean, etc.

I was trying to think of a song that I really hated but couldn't quite come up with the goods; indeed am somewhat embarrassed to say that I actually like some of the songs mentioned above, eg The Birdie Song (though as an Instrumental). I am sure the remedy for hearing bad songs is to listen to some good ones. Probably 90-95% of songs (books, poems, etc) are indeed rubbish, but as so much has been published over the years, you are never going to run out of good material. If you can't find anything good in the contemporary field (an invariable complaint of the over 40s) then look at some older stuff (perhaps especially the once popular but now neglected performers, eg Stephen Foster, etc).

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Fibula Mattock
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 07:05 AM

Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy
Don't worry, be happy

No worse song exists. Now I'm going to have to rinse my ears with bleach. Damn.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Chris Green
Date: 23 Aug 04 - 11:10 AM

There was one my dad used to have a copy of which began

This pullover
That you give to me
I will wear it
For eternity.

The most awful one I've heard recently was from an aspiring songwriter (who shall remain nameless) who wanted my band to perform it. I can't bring myself to quote it in its diabolical entirety but one phrase that made want to gnaw my own foot off went

Then we shall be together
Just you and me
Just like two fish
In the open sea.

Buttock-clenchingly piss-poor!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Barrie Roberts
Date: 07 Oct 04 - 02:06 PM

'The Ballad of Les Darcy' ought to be a contender, as did 'Long Black Veil'.
Twenty years ago we had a 'Worst Song' night at the Sonsmiths Club. We asked people to bring along a tape of, or be prepared to sing, their least favourite song. There was a very wide range of rubbish played that night, but 'Any Dream Will Do' from 'Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat' won by miles when the audience voted.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,UK Robbo
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 09:56 PM

Greetings from the land that gave the world Gracie Fields, George Formby and Britpop - f****** AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!! - although George was a hell of a Uke player...

...and, thanks muchly to the thread originator - lost in the mists of a long way back - who kicked this one off. Can't add to any of it 'cos it's all been said, but I've had, over the last half-hour, a bleedin' good laugh reading it all. You are all absolutely correct, there's tons (or tonnes if if you're from greater Europe) of excerable dross out there and the list is pretty well endless - and continues.

I'm just so glad that my band regularly plays such uplifting stuff as 'I've been lonely in the saddle since my Horse died' and 'Hold the mirror steady Mother while I shave the Chicken's lip'. It helps redress the balance away from all those awfull songs you've all wrote about - possibly. Yes, our UK and European media is a wonderful and mindless thing, so to avoid it try and catch us playing live at a meeting of T.R.I.T.E. (To Rebel Is To Exist) at a Town Hall near you - if it's o.k with the Authorities and if they've vetted the song list for it's purile content first of course.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: goodbar
Date: 31 Mar 05 - 10:46 PM

at the end of my david hammond CD there's a few songs his daughters sing. they're like, 8, so it's really retarded. so i burned a copy without those songs and now all is well.

and speaking about bad stuff, huck finn is the worste book i've ever read part of. mark twain can suck my balls.

now i'm off to read it's cliff notes and do my homework.......

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 04:04 AM

the one that really gets on my tits at the moment is that Kate Rusby one about the collier lad who's taken the King's shilling.

A sort of laura Ashley view of history. You can't help feeling the blokes well out of it in the army.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Jos
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 04:45 AM

Sunshine Mountain

When someone starts that it's time to head for the bar/loo/carpark - anywhere, until it's over.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: mooman
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 07:02 AM

OK...McArthur Park must be amongst the worst (as has been oft voted here!) with Sugar Sugar, Born to Be Alive (particularly for the unique enunciacian of "Born"!), Seasons in the Sun, Delilah and Lady in Red not far behind....(excuse me, have to run urgently....!)


(Ah! That's better!). Now where was I? How about another underrated one "Let's Work" by Mick Jagger (obviously written for Mme. Thatcher)!

Peace

moo

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Richard
Date: 01 Apr 05 - 09:56 AM

"Freebird" at least until the guitars get going; what a dirge it is!
and am I the only one who thinks "Fields of Athenry" is a disgusting, cynical piece of manipulatory crap?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 12:27 AM

The loathing for Fields of Athenry (doesn't it sound like a solicitor or a store to you? Like Horrids of Kensington....) is legend and is well documented in this forum.

But someone mentioned 'Seasons in the Sun' which by comparison, makes 'Athenry' look like a slit and clit slash song.....

LTS

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: frogprince
Date: 02 Apr 05 - 04:31 PM

Everybody has cited plenty of serious drek here; I've been trying to think as to how I could single out any one worst case. Then I remembered one, and wish I could find the lyric (tried Google and everything I could think of) to post a sample of it. It hasn't been a national "biggie", but it is an (alleged) gospel song that has stayed around enough for me to hear it at least twice, twenty years apart. It's my own personal "worst" because, while I have heard some insipid, embarassing "gospel" songs, this is the only one I know that takes what should be a joyous, celebrative, genre, and drags it down quite as far as it does. Two lines of the thing are "fools are marching for the right to justify their sin", and "The supreme court is tearing down the morals of our land"; has Doug R. or anyone here been performing it?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Muttley
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 06:33 AM

There are a LOT of deserving songs in there - some I haven't heard (or heard of) - so can't comment on those; but i'll take your sage opinions and avoid them like the plague.

There are some though that i confess to enjoying on occasion ("It's Hard to be Humble" is one - I love playing this for schoolkids and watching then try to work out whether I'm serious or not: a 'cleaned up' version for them)

HOWVER! I'd have to go one step further than the person who mentioned "Grandma's Feather Bed"
To be perfectly honest, just about ANYTHING (in fact, probably EVERYTHING) sung / recorded by John Denver makes my hair hurt - and that's no mean feat considering how little of that I have!!!!!

I think the best John Denver comment I've heard was in the film "Behind Enemy Lines" where Owen Wilson's character is bemoaning the loss of so many great performers to (quote) 'shitty pilots'- he names Lynyrd Skynyrd, Richie Valens, the Big BoppaBuddy Holly etc and his pilot suggests wryly "John Denver?" to which he replies "Well let's not get carried away!"

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Severn
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 10:54 AM

For all of you who brought up "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini", does anybody remember a 1961 Cold War comedy called "One Two Three", starring James Cagney, wherein an East German prisoner, played by Horst Buchholst, was put into an interregation room while that song was played over and over ad nauseum (and stir vigirously) until he talked?

And I always dreaded "Banks Of The Ohio" over all the Idiot Bastard Son murder ballads out there, and there are a bunch of 'em.

"White Room" by Cream?

"Live And Let Die"-...The ever changing world IN which we live IN...

"I Love"-Tom T.Hall w/ "That Song Is Driving Me Crazy" not far behind, from someone who wrote enough half decent ones to know better but was disowned after those two.

Pick anything from "The Donovan Songbook-Vol. 3- The Later Years" and much from the other two.

Anything written by G.Harrison, J. Baez or anyone else about Bangla Desh, which had to be the cause worst served by the songwriting community of any in memory. (If any better rhymes than "mess" or "death" couldn't be found, why bother?)

Hell, just about ANYTHING Baez wrote herself!

All For Now,
(and Now For All)

Severn

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: saulgoldie
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 12:00 PM

Haven't heard of "Fields of Athenry." Could someone please enlighten me as to the words, where I might have heard it, or why "we" loathe it so? TIA. BTW, this is a GREAT and entertaining thread!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Severn
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 01:57 PM

Worst X-mas Song-"I Want To Spend Christmas With Elvis" by Debby Dabney (w/ writer's credits going to Don Kirshner & Bobby Darin)
This horribly written and performed opus can be found on an anthology called "Mr. Santa's Secret (Santa's Boogie)" amidst a lot of old jazz & R&B on Savoy Jazz (ZDS 1157)and is wretched beyond belief.

Still on X-mas, "Christmas Must Be Tonight" must be the worst thing Robbie Robertson ever wrote for The Band (off "Islands")

And since everybody loves the tune and first verse of "Jingle Bells"
so much, have you ever seen the complete set of words? More than once have I seen it stop experienced carolers dead in their tracks in disbelief in mid-verse.

And going off on a slight Tannen-bombs-Away tangent, there's a damn good reason we only sang two or three verses of "Maryland, My Maryland" (the State Song) in school, as it has a seemingly endless number of verses consisting of some of the most ungodly 19th century poetry imaginable. Everybody sang the whole sorry thing in unison once at a re-enactors ball in Baltimore and it was sheer torture.

And for Worst-Attempt-To-Connect-With-An-Audience-You-Didn't- Actively-Solicit-But-Are-Suddenly-Buying-Your-Music----"The Hippies Are Trying" (insert own joke here) by Junior Wells on Blue Rock and later, Mercury (314 558 551-2). Memphis Slim attempted one of these, too, if memory serves.

Season's Cretins & Merry Excemas,
Severn

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From:
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 03:23 PM

Some really awfull stuff here, but some I must admit to liking, such as "Timothy" and "Billy Joe". But did I miss it or did no one mention "Winchester Cathedral"? Sorry if I put that back in someone's thoughts. Oh bo de oh do...Mike

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: mandoleer
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 03:25 PM

Now come on! Is everyone here really taking MacArthur Park SERIOUSLY? It was written to sound deep and meaningful, while actually being total nonsense, and it obviously succeeded! And worse than Seasons in the Sun, which is at least irritatingly catchy, is that thing by Mike and the Mechanics about his father. Not much made me turn the radio off, but that did. I totally agree about Honey, though. What happened to the perpetrator? Something nasty, I hope. Oh, and please don't confuse the Unicorn Song mentioned with the one sung and recorded (but not written) by Artisan - still brings tears to my eyes when I hear it.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: saulgoldie
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 03:31 PM

Artisan, WOW! Another fan! I LOVE them!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Apr 05 - 03:56 PM

McArthur Park is a very neat song that succeeds totally in doing what it is trying to do...as indicated by Mandoleer. It sounds deeply serious but is intentionally very silly. And what is the problem with that? Is it an offence to be intentionally silly?

As for Joan Baez, she's written some absolutely great stuff, after getting off to a shaky start at the beginning.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Muttley
Date: 04 Apr 05 - 07:15 AM

Dear Severn: And what about "All I Want For Christmas is A Beatle"? or even "We Love You Beatles" (Oh Yes We Do)"

EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW !!!!!!!!!

Nuff Said !!!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Richard
Date: 04 Apr 05 - 07:53 AM

All National Anthems, military/patriotic songs (including a good few trad. ones), not only have off-putting words, the tunes are either dreary or downright unpleasant. Do you ever whistle "God save the Queen" for pleasure? (I nearly forgot the quotation marks there - it makes a difference!)
These are definitely "the airs that flesh is ill to"

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: mandoleer
Date: 04 Apr 05 - 08:44 AM

Yeh, I avoided seeing Artisan at first - an acapella trio? not my scene! Then I heard 'Unicorns' on the radio, and just sat there with tears in my eyes. So I went to see them and WOW!. Their rendition of 'Burning Times' beats Charlie Murphy's original, and even Kenny and Zipporah's version which is brilliant (pity they split up so violently). I introduced Artisan to 'The Potato Song' but didn't know who it was by - they discovered it was a Tom Paxton before recording it!

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Bucky Edgett
Date: 18 Apr 05 - 01:26 PM

Although it's not from the TRAD tradition, I'm surprised to see no mention of Inna Gadda Da Vida. (spelling?)(As if it mattered.) Or was that on page 39 of this thread? I only read back to 1999.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Davetnova
Date: 18 Apr 05 - 03:21 PM

I'm Nobody's Child. Nothing can beat it. EVER.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: annamill
Date: 18 Apr 05 - 04:07 PM

The Last Farewell by Roger whittaker

There's a ship lies rigged and ready in the harbour
Tomorrow for old England she sails
Far away from your land of endless sunshine
To my land full of rainy skies and gales
And I shall be on board that ship tomorrow
Though my heart is full of tears at this farewell
For you are beautiful und I have loved you dearly
More dearly than the spoken word can tell
For you are beautiful und I have loved you dearly
More dearly than the spoken word can tell.

So take off all your clothes and lay down so I can have my way with you wench!

What a pig! My reaction would be "yea, right!" "Buzz off, Rog"

Love, Annamill

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: annamill
Date: 18 Apr 05 - 04:26 PM

Ok, I apologize for my comments. Not my feelings, just my comments. I just saw the other thread on this very song.

This song if taken at face value is a beautiful song. I guess I've known too many Navy men. If one of them had said those words to me, I'm afraid I would just have laughed. Ok, I'm jaded. Not bitter. I've never been personally a victim, but some of my best male friends were in the Navy.

With a smile on my face, I'd have to say "Yeah, right!".

Again, Love, Annamill

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From:
Date: 19 Apr 05 - 09:21 PM

It speaks volumes that you people think that McArthurs Park is actually about a cake being left in the rain.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Songster Bob
Date: 20 Apr 05 - 03:12 PM

There was once this ode to Chairman Mao, written and "sung" by Ewan MacColl, which was excruciatingly painful, with lines that sound like "Baghdad Bob" could have written them (other than being about a communist instead of a secular dictator). Poor or non-existent rhymes, lines with so many syllables over the number allowed that they sounded like a parody by Tom Lehrer, and a tune that seemed to have 18 notes per octave. Gaaahhh!

I can't remember enough to give you a typical line, but I'm certain someone will, God help us!


Bob

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Clean Supper
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 06:21 AM

A seesion in Sydney used to always feature a song that went
Oh Jean, oh Jean,
Will you let me get lucky with you (with you)?
Oh Jean, oh Jean,
Will you let me get lucky with you?

It's a really dreadful song but we all loved it. Everyone sang it in harmony and with gusto, every week. It was a great laugh.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: RobbieWilson
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 07:37 PM

ah the fabulous Proclaimers. My two kids love them.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: number 6
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 07:50 PM

The other nite at our weekly 'circle' someone chose to sing 'Me and Bobby MaGee' .....   man I hate that song!

sIx

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: sixtieschick
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 07:53 PM

Oh c'mon. Hands down: "100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall." Sung in full.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Cool Beans
Date: 21 Apr 05 - 08:46 PM

"You're Having My Baby" EEWWW!!!! Has anyone mentioned that? Who the hell has time to go back over five years' worth of posts.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,FVinson42
Date: 09 May 05 - 03:03 PM

Sky Pilot by the Animals... Vocals are WAY out of tune

The macarana by those south american old men....

and anything by John Seccada or the Cranberries....

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 09 May 05 - 06:28 PM

Ther's no such thing as a "worst song". There are only songs that I don't like, a personal and subjective decision which does not affect the validity of the song in any way.

All songs are good to someone, even if only the songwriter, and who am I to say he/she is wrong. I have spent many frustrating hours trying to teach my son that music which is not to his taste is not automatically crap (his usual description, applied to many genres, from opera to 40s crooners, Cliff Richard, and Rolf Harris).

At last I have succeeded. He no longer makes these comments (in my hearing, at least), and I can have a good laugh by reminding him that many of Rolf's most ardent fans are younger than he is.

Don T.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Pete J
Date: 27 Apr 06 - 09:54 AM

Would you like to swing on a star?
Carry moonbeams home in a jar
And be better off than you are
Or would you rather be a pig?

I cant belive I managed a whole verse without projectile vomiting!
Even though I agree with a lot of other nominations, that comes from the worst song ever. Nothing anybody can say will ever change my mind.

exits shaking head sadly........

Pete J

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: GUEST,Sandy Andina
Date: 01 May 06 - 05:36 PM

Whew! None of my stuff made the list (yet).

Let's see--I think it's a tie between "Juanita Banana" by The Peels, and that stupid song to which they do the "Crazy Signs" arm-dance at every Club Med (a good reason not to vacation there even if it were affordable). In fact, it may well be the inspiration for the notorious "Macarena." And until one of those hairy little bastards crashed through my den ceiling last spring, "The Raccoon Song" by Jan Hobson was nearly tolerable. (Can you tell I'm not a big fan of hand-gesture songs written for grownups? Speaking of hand gestures, "I'm gonna sit right down and give someone The Finger....and make believe it's aimed at you...." Best I could come up with on short notice).

And by "The Birdie Song," I certainly hope you don't mean Howard Harrison's "The Reincarnation Song," often mistitled as "I'm a Birdie" (its first line). I think it's wonderfully demented.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Kara
Date: 01 May 06 - 05:41 PM

Anything by Shania Twain

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 02 May 06 - 05:28 PM

It's a bit sad to see some of my favourites in this list, but why oh why has no-one mentioned any of the randomly squeaky rhythmless self indulgent indistinguishable noises composed (if that is the word) and sung(if that is the word) by Kate Bush?

And did anyone mention Wink Martindale's Deck of Cards?

Or D-I-V-O-R-C-E?

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: alison
Date: 02 May 06 - 09:00 PM

I had never heard of "timothy" so I went hunting for it

I have to admit - I liked it!!

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 May 06 - 09:54 PM

You mean, which song do I like the least?

Well....

This is tough.

How about "My Baby Does The Hanky Panky" or "Having My Baby" or "Bird Is The Word" or just about any rap song at all? I really can't stand "I Am Woman" either, and I cringe when I hear "Stay Awhile", "I've Never Been To Me", and "Endless Love". Oh, and "One Tin Soldier" too.

No, wait....

"Billy Don't Be A Hero"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes! That's it.

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 May 06 - 10:02 PM

Annamill - Try singing the Roger Whittaker one this way...

"For you are beautiful and I have loved you queerly
More queerly than the spoken word can tell."

It puts a whole new twist on it! ;-D Note that the word "queer" as offered by me in that context is not meant to imply gay love, it is meant to imply a love that is odd, peculiar, strange or eccentric. Those are the normal dictionary meanings of the word "queer".

(I say that in order to head off anyone on this forum who may feel compelled to take me to task for supposedly engaging in gay-bashing, which is not my intention.)

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Muttley
Date: 02 May 06 - 10:48 PM

I know they've been nominated ad nauseam (probably a terribly apt term in this case, given the thread!), but:

Honey
Seasons in the Sun    and

ANYTHING by John Denver - that line in "Behind Enemy Lines" was classic - Owen Wilson's character was bemoaning the number of great bands / artists killed because of "shitty pilots" and his partner enquires "John Denver?" and Wilson hesitates and replies "Let's not get carried away!"

Paper Lace were simply AWFUL - Billy don't Be a Hero, The Night Chicago Died - OK when released but nauseating by the second time you heard them.

Den I have to confess I used to (and sort of still) like The Unicorn - but I have Brain Damage so I can be forgiven (I hope)

Kira THANKS AWFULLY for nominating The Barney Song - a purple dinosaur????? GOD I HATE that show and I despise the song. My daughter heard and taught a parody to my middle son (who's now 14) and he sang it at Kinder to the horrification of his teachers (Eryn got a telling off as well)

I love You; You love Me
Barney gave me HIV
So I took out a shotgun and shot him in the head
Oh F**k, look! Barney's dead!

In defence of Walking With Bears - a fellow catter once said she believed it was about having Alzheimer's - sort of fits and in that context it's once again, charming.

THANKS hugely to Den and Catspaw - I absolutely fell over crying with laughter at the parodies: Leprosy (Yesterday) and Honey - an X-rated 'Honey' I LOVED it!

However here's a thought on some new additions to the list:

A Windmill in Old Amsterdam: "I saw a mouse! Where? Ther on the Stairs! etc
Little White Bull
How Much is That Doggy In the Window?

ALL bloody Top Ten in their day - Just goes to prove that musical effluence is not occasional or periodic - - - it's bloody cyclical.

A final thought on another offering. Someone mentioned "Torn Between Two Lovers"
Personally I prefer the version about the guy who fell out of the bathroom window and was "Torn Between Two Louvres"
or the version about the guy unsuccessfuly crossing a motorway - - "Torn Between Two Lorries"

I think, too that 'Spaw and I have agreed on other issues in other threads - including ones similar to this one - maybe we're attracted by odd subjects.

Seeya Later All, I'll keep an eye out

Muttley

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Dave Roberts
Date: 03 May 06 - 02:22 AM

There was a dirge called 'I Remember Elvis Presley' which was rush-released in the UK after Elvis died.It was sung by a Presley sound-alike and haunts me still.
You see (hangs head in shame) in those days I was a hip disco deejay and used to play this flesh-crawlingly awful song constantly. People couldn't get enough of it.
But that was all long ago in a different life and in a different world, so I'm hoping my great sin can be forgiven.
Any road up, it's the worst song I ever heard. And I've heard some ropey ones, believe you me.
In my day.......

Subject: RE: What is the worst song you ever heard?
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 03 May 06 - 03:44 AM

Oh hell - I forgot the legendary "I want my baby back" - dirge about teen lover whose girlfriend died - then key change and he climbs into her coffin "I got my baby back..."

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Go here: What is the worst song you ever heard?2
or here: what's the worst song you ever heard?3 --JoeClone, 9-Jan-2010.