Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick

Subject: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 03:39 PM

The focus of this challenge are the events and persons associated with the recent shipwreck of the luxury cruiser Costa Concordia off the Tuscany coast of Italy. Good taste is not a requirement for submitting limericks. Here's my contribution:

There was a bold Capt. Schettino,
Who some thought a bit of a wennie-o
But he sure showed his stuff
When a rock called his bluff,
As he sailed o'er the side to Giglio!

Fire when ready!

Cheerily,
Charley Ignoble

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: MartinRyan
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 03:52 PM

A sea-captain in fair It-al-ee
Lost his ship, then complained bitt-er-lee
"If only I'd known
How to turn off the phone
- They'd have blamed someone else - and not ME!"

Regards

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 04:13 PM

There was an Italian sailor
Who favourite friend was his tailor
He steered near to shore
Now his ship is no more
And his best friend will soon be his jailor!

Keep the white flag flying!

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Pete Jennings
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 04:49 PM

And his best friend will soon BE his jailor!!

Mud-elf to the rescue please!

I need a drink...

------------ Done. Mudelf---------------

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 04:53 PM

Thanks, Pete and Martin for your prompt responses.

I thought there would be some who would rise (or sink?) to this challenge.

Cheerily,
Charley Ignoble

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Genie
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 05:49 PM

Capitano Schettino's so sorry
That his cruise ship tipped over nel mare.
His instincts he trusted,
Now his culo's so busted
E peccato che non può volare.

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Artful Codger
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 06:36 PM

A cruise captain, Francesco Schettino,
for a view drove his ship sub marino
I regret the mishap,
but you see, on my map
there is not a rock there to be seeno.

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: GUEST,999
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 06:43 PM

"Italian media also quote him [Schettino] as telling the judge he had left the ship accidentally after tripping and falling into a rescue craft."


There once was a Captain Schettino
(The one with the ship that I mean-o)
It's a bit untoward
That he wasn't on board
After hitting the rocks at Giglio

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 06:56 PM

And the lovely young lady that he invited up to the bridge after sharing dinner with her?

Cheerily,
Charley Ignoble

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: GUEST,999
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 07:15 PM

Captain Schettino's a dilly
And much of his tale is just silly
Screwing some twat
On an over sized yacht
Well, he's certainly tripped on his willie

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Leadfingers
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 07:28 PM

An Italian Cruise Liner Skipper
Off Tuscany feeling quite chipper
Had a terrible shock
When an 'Uncharted' rock
Proved to his hull was a Ripper

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Genie
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 07:36 PM

Concordia captain Schettino
Hit a reef on a cruise marittimo.
Claimed he "fell in a lifeboat" -
Ha! that's clearly a jive note.
Now he's looking at ten to fifteen-o.

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: GUEST,999
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 08:00 PM

Thing is that while I'm writing these flip limericks, I feel deep in my guts that he is the worst kind of coward. He willingly left people to die. I do not understand that. Fear changes all of us, and facing fear by doing what needs doing redeems us in our own eyes. I would tell anyone that I have been horribly afraid before, but I'd rather be roasted on a slow spit before giving in to cowardice, and that's what he did. I hope the fucker dies screaming.

The Italian Coast Guard--people with tremendous courage--must have been so angry. I do not for a second doubt that they feel a sense of shame that one of their countrymen abandoned his station and left civilians to their own devices. I know the Italian Coast Guard (or any other country's Coast Guard) would never, ever do that.

He was not a Captain, nor was he ever a man. I feel badly for his family, and especially his children.

Che tu possa mai dormire, bastardo.

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: GUEST,Bluegrassman
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 08:14 PM

Concordia was completing a cruise`o
To the harbour he was going to dock
On the bridge there was a distraction
When a young girl created some action
And that's when the ship hit the rock

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 08:39 PM

999-

I couldn't agree with you more but gallows humor may have some therapeutic function.

This verse is a difficult one. Not many thing rhyme with "Moldova":

The was a young maid from Moldova
Who dined with a self-styled Casanova
Said he "To the bridge let us go,
Or you'll miss the whole show,
And later we'll dance the bossa nova!"

Cheerily,
Charley Ignoble

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: GUEST
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 09:52 PM

Charley, in no way was my post meant to dis you or this thread. I think the thread is a good idea and thank you for starting it.

That useless sonuvabitch almost makes me ashamed to belong to the human race, and that's what my post was about. I know you likely feel much the same way.

The Captain was wet near his hip
The cause was his damp dripping lip
His Moldovian maid
Was found later unscathed
Dot dot dot, dash dash dash, blip blip blip

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: GUEST,999
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 09:54 PM

19 Jan 12 - 09:52 PM was me.

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Effsee
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 10:16 PM

Sorry. Can't feel any effort to be humourous about the loss of peoples lives!

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Genie
Date: 19 Jan 12 - 11:05 PM

OK, I know this is all in the fun of limerick making, but so for there's no evidence that the Moldavian woman, who was a staffer, was involved with Schettino or the shipwreck beyond having had dinner with him and some other people right before the ship hit the reef, is there?

I mean, compose away, but I hope we're not instigating or spreading unfounded rumors about a woman who may have had nothing to do with Schettino's negligence, foolhardiness or cowardice.

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 09:26 AM

Genie-

You're perfectly correct that we shouldn't read more into the relationship between Capt. Schettino and the 25 year old lovely Modovan staff person. I could not resist the impulse to find rhymes for "Moldovan."

Dominica Cermontan has defended the captain quite strongly and has said she was called to the bridge to communicate better with the Russian speaking passengers. However, her time-line describing the captain's presence on the bridge doesn't correlate with the Italian Coast Guard communications when he was in the lifeboat; she describes him being on the bridge around 11:50 pm when she says she left the bridge. The Coast Guard report him in his lifeboat at least an hour earlier. Cherchez le Captiane!

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 11:01 AM

Schettino, a man from worlds end,
Sailed inshore just to wave to a friend.
Hit a rock and capsised,
Which wasn't too wise,
As trying to think of limericks about the disaster, has driven some people I know on The Mudcat Cafe round the bend!

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Ernest
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 11:18 AM

Schettino whose name should be moroni
was asked had he any cojoni
after sinking his ship
on it`s very last trip
Said: "I just did like Berlusconi"

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: GUEST,Jim Knowledge
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 12:13 PM

I `ad that Charley Noble in my cab the other day. I do like `is `at and banjo playing.
I said, "Morning Charlie, I saw your limerick on that Mudcat today about the Eye-tie cruise liner. I agree with you. Good taste and limericks are never comfortable bed-fellows."
`e said, "Quite right, Jim. `ave you got an appropriate one?"
I said, "I `ave as a matter of fact but it`s a limerick that goes against the grain I suppose. It goes like this.
       When Concordia onto rocks was tossed.
       It went down with terrible cost.
       But let`s not make light
       Of that terrible night.
       Let`s pray for the souls that were lost"!!

Whaddam I Like??

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Flash Company
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 12:47 PM

I feel an attack of the 'Disc World' coming on:-

When a rock brought his cruise to an end,
And sent the Coast Guards round the bend,
'Fir whom da bell toll,'
Said Detritus the Troll,
'Dat rock was a family friend!'

I'll get me coat!

FC

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Bernard
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 02:13 PM

Charley... 'Not many things rhyme with "Moldova"...'

How about:

There was a young maid from Moldova
Who an Italian captain bowled over.
Maybe he paid attention
To things I can't mention
Which was why the ship then rolled over...

No, I'm not suggesting anything, just going along with the 'black humour' theme.

It's a complete mystery to me how so much damning 'evidence' has been allowed to leak before any official enquiry has begun.

The transcript of the conversation between the captain and the coastguard reads more to me like two people who couldn't quite understand what the other was saying, for instance.

The speed at which the owners distanced themselves from the captain's actions is deplorable - as far as I can see they are claiming they knew nothing about the deviation from the 'planned route', yet the BBC have published graphics showing that it was the third such similar 'deviation' in recent trips...

Someone is telling lies, perhaps?

Surely the ship had sonar which would have warned of the danger? Or is that what the owners are trying to cover up?

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 02:23 PM

Jim Knowledge-

I think your verse is a keeper and we might best place it as a final thoughtful verse.

Bernard-

You're really cooking! You might check the recent posts down below in the BS section, Costa Concordia Sinking, for more details and reports.

Here's another so-so verse but it covers more of the story:

As Schettino conversed on his cell,
The deck gave a lurch and he fell,
With his second and third,
He soared like a bird,
Into a lifeboat pell-mell.

Anyone have a Coast Guard verse?

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Charley Noble
Date: 20 Jan 12 - 03:49 PM

Here's the report I was mining for the above limerick:

Mr Schettino told investigating magistrates in Grosseto, on the Italian mainland, that he ended up in the lifeboat by accident.

During three hours of interrogation on Tuesday, he reportedly said: "The passengers were pouring onto the decks, taking the lifeboats by assault. I didn't even have a life jacket because I had given it to one of the passengers. I was trying to get people to get into the boats in an orderly fashion. Suddenly, since the ship was at a 60 to 70 degree angle, I tripped and I ended up in one of the boats. That's how I found myself there."

He said he got stuck in the lifeboat for an hour before it was lowered into the water off the coast of Giglio island.

Also with him was Dimitri Christidis, the Greek second in command of the Concordia and Silvia Coronica, the third officer, according to La Repubblica newspaper.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: GUEST,San Pancho
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 03:10 PM

"Vada A Bordo, Cazzo!" the coast guard did quote
But my ship is not wantin' to float
I had just gone alee
And was takin' a pee
When the list threw me into a boat

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: GUEST,San Pancho
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 03:18 PM

Schettino is so easy to mock
For steering his ship with his cock
The ship when it tacks
Leaving ABS tracks
That show why is hitting the rock

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: GUEST
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 03:21 PM

Schettino is so easy to mock
For steering his ship with his cock
The ship when it tacks
Leaving ABS tracks
That show why it is scraping the rock

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: GUEST,San Pancho de la Coots
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 05:21 PM

Everywhere there are cries
"Reduce government size!"
We'll pursue the folly-ah
Of becoming Somalia
Sans coast guard we'll have to believe lies.

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: GUEST,San Pancho signing off
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 05:44 PM

Since De Falco called Schettino a prick
The public has gotten a kick
Out of following the story
Although it is gory
But inspiring for writin' a limerick

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Charley Noble
Date: 23 Jan 12 - 05:55 PM

San Pancho-

Thanks so much for your contributions.

Charley Ignoble

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Ernest
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 12:30 PM

May I add a two-liner?

Captain making bunga-bunga
Ship hits rock & goeing under

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Greg B
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 01:18 PM

The Coasties Schettino did call
To say get back to his vessel and all
He told them "I slipped
When the rock my ship ripped
But 'twas the lifeboat that soon broke my fall"

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Charley Noble
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 03:56 PM

Slip, slip, sliding away,
Your entire career, gone in a day;
Pile your ship on the rocks
It's one helluva shock --
"May Day, May Day, May Day!"

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Greg B
Date: 24 Jan 12 - 04:22 PM

Captain Schettino sailed too close to land
To give 'em a wave of POSH hand
With a terrible shock
His ship struck the rock
"Closer than this" says he "I can't stand!"

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: GUEST,Guest - Frank
Date: 25 Jan 12 - 12:29 AM

Schettino is a Captain of a sort
Who instead of steering for Port
Was chasing some Honey
The same place he gets his money
And now He is facing the Court.

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Charley Noble
Date: 05 Feb 12 - 09:58 AM

refreshing!

Any more verses?

I must confess that the more stories I hear about this disaster and the less than intrepid Captain Schetino, the more appropriate the limericks posted above seem.

How about a verse about the clothing (one slip too many?) that was found belonging to the Moldovan dancer in the Captain's cabin? She was not on the passenger or crew list but was a former staff person.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 08 Mar 12 - 07:44 AM

I'm not sure I agree with this song challenge.

I don't believe in kicking a man when he's down.




Unless I can be sure he hasn't seen my face, or isn't likely to get back up again!

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Charley Noble
Date: 08 Mar 12 - 08:43 PM

Yes, it's not nice to kick a man when he's down. It's also not nice to leave several hundred passengers fending for themselves on a capsizing ship. So, do two "not nices" justify such limericks? You be the judge:

"Vada A Bordo, Cazzo!"
The Coastguard yelled at this nautical parvenu,
But so dark was the night,
That Schettino took fright,
And to shore he did passe-partout.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Nigel Parsons
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 04:23 AM

"Two wrongs don't make a right"

But,
When streets are laid out in a grid,

Three lefts do make a right!

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Charley Noble
Date: 09 Mar 12 - 07:55 AM

Nigel-

Excellent.

And "Never leave a tern unstoned."

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Mr Red
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 11:21 AM

In a "sail-by", a "hail-by" with pride,
Was this Sea Captain who earnestly tried
To hit on a rocking young bint.
But hit on rocks he really din't mint
Though, truly, he got his bit on the side.

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Micca
Date: 21 Mar 12 - 06:03 PM

The Strait wasnt terribly wide
as Concordia and Schettino did glide
His mind was on Cock
and not on the rock
which is why he went over the side

In a life boat he rowed then like heck
with his passengers still one the deck
Dereliction of duty
lead astray bt some booty
and now he is charged with the wreck

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Mar 12 - 08:16 AM

Thanks, Mica, for your contributions. I'm sure events would have been even more interesting had you been on the bridge that evening.

Let this be a lesson, modern mariners, never ever set sail on Friday the 13th!

On Friday thirteen he set sail,
On a cruise we aim to regale,
He sure showed his pluck,
Not to believe in bad luck,
But now he will languish in jail!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Micca
Date: 23 Mar 12 - 08:21 AM

Charley, I wouldnt have wrapped it around a lump of the coast and thats for sure, and thats from someone who was at the wheel taking a 5000 ton ship through the Longships channel, between Lands end and the Longships reef and lighthouse, see Here

Subject: RE: Challenge: Capt. Schettino Limerick
From: Charley Noble
Date: 23 Mar 12 - 08:49 AM

Micca-

So you didn't do "the wave" as you cruised by?

You might enjoy this World War 1 poem by C. Fox Smith, a tribute to "Leave Her Johnny Leave Her."

A hundred miles from the Longship's Light,
Leave her, Johnny, leave her!
And it's blowing up for a dirty night,
And it's time for us to leave her!

Cheerily,
Charley Noble