BS: Is chongo Dead?

Subject: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: olddude
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 11:53 PM

Word on the street is he was killed during a bar fight last night after pounding down 12 Banana Daiquiri's. Also something to do with getting caught with some lady named Winona that he was involved with
Anyway that's the story ... ?

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 16 Feb 12 - 11:56 PM

I have heard some real stupid rumors in my time, but this one takes the cake. You been knockin' back a few too many tonight, olddude?

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: olddude
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 12:09 AM

You could be poser, the real Chongo is dead from the word on the street. How do we know this is the real Chongo .. do you got any tatoo's

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: number 6
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 12:19 AM

Chongo was found dead in a room above the Queen's Hotel in Barrie, Ontario .... the autopsy showed he died from alcohol poisoning.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: number 6
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 12:24 AM

The initial reaction to the staff that admitted the body at the hospital thought the deceased was a 90 year old proboscis monkey. They were shocked to hear he was actually a 40 yr something old chimp.

Too much drink will do that to ya.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Ernest
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 01:34 AM

alcohol poisoning?

So who gave him poisoned alcohol?

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 01:52 AM

Word is it was his sister, who'd had it made up special for him when she heard he was going to be blowing through town. Chinga has a long memory.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 08:45 AM

LOL!

You people will never kill off Chongo Chimp. He's like Sherlock Holmes or Robin Hood, he can never die. If dead, he will rise again. I suspect that he will even outlive me, his creator, just as Sherlock Holmes has outlived Conan Doyle.

Amos - Chinga has a long nose too! Think about it. ;-)

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 09:12 AM

Chongo's reported death is an elaborate sham. The was no alcohol in the banana daiquiris. Chongo only pretended to die. The EMTs who responded to the emergency call and pronounced him dead on the scene were in on the charade. Half-way to the morgue, they pulled into a dark alley where Chongo got into a waiting car and the body of a poor chimp who'd died in an eyeliner experiment gone bad was loaded into the ambulance.

Chongo's current whereabouts are unknown.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 09:16 AM

I wonder if this was a ploy to raise Chongo's profile in the news media and get sympathy votes in the upcoming presidential election?

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 09:40 AM

I wonder if this was a ploy to raise Chongo's profile in the news media and get sympathy votes in the upcoming presidential election?

It worked for Mel Carnahan in the Missouri US Senate election of 2000. He beat John Aschroft, even though he (Carnahan) had been dead for two weeks.

However, the political advantage of being dead wears off pretty quickly. The election is still over eight months away and a dead Chongo is gonna be pretty much forgotten by then.

Maybe it's a way for Chongo to gracefully exit a political contest in which his poll numbers are in negative territory? Perhaps he's come to realize that the only votes he's going to get are those inadvertently cast by people confused by the similar appearances of Chongo's and Obama's ears.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 10:09 AM

He's dead, and his tissues showed alcohol poisoning. What wasn't mentioned because it's still under investigation are the 487 bullet holes in his body, the 93 stab wounds, the noose around his neck, and the plastic bag tied tightly around his head. The RCMP originally listed the death as "accidental" but are now saying it was "self-inflicted." "Boy oh boy," said Constable Wrightly, a source who wishes to remain anonymous, "it almost looks as if he had help committing suicide!"

The death was confirmed by a DNA comparison with his sister, Chinga, and various pieces of old blood-stained clothing found in his "office." There is no doubt that Chongo Chump committed suicide, probably because of his deep remorse about the way he treated his mother and sister.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 10:15 AM

Hmmmmm...So Chinga has the same DNA, does she? Hmmmm....

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: John P
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 10:20 AM

Little Hawk can deny it all he wants, but if you listen to his last recording backwards, you can clearly hear him saying, "daed si ognohc". It sounds to me like LH knows more about this than he'd like people to know. Questions need to be asked!!

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 10:22 AM

I know more about a number of things than I'd like people to know...

;-D

And I'm not telling!

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 10:28 AM

Chongo, mi padre,
Do you remember
That cold December
CHinga and tu madre
Begged you to stay?
What did you say?

You said "Chinga te, hermanita
Y tu tambien, mamacita!
I'm off to the lights of the city
Where gorilla girls are all pretty!"

Chongo, amigo
Tu es partido
Off to the wilds
of Chicago
Never a care for
The woman who bore you
The sister who loved you
Chinga amada!

You said "Chinga te, hermanita
Y tu tambien, mamacita!
I'm off to the lights of the city
Where gorilla girls are all pretty!"

Now pinche CHongo
Ape from the Congo
Cold on a slab in the morgue, eh?!
Riddled with lead
ANd a noose on your head
And stabbed by a gorilla named Jorge!
That's what you get, see,
Left for the tsetse,
ROtting away in the cooler
If you'd been kind
Not left them behind
You coulda been some kind of ruler.

But you said "Chinga te, hermanita
Y tu tambien, mamacita!
I'm off to the lights of the city
Where gorilla girls are all pretty!"

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 10:39 AM

He's not dead, he's just boring.

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 10:59 AM

Speak for yerself, ya pasty-faced scumsucker. I've seen clams that were more entertainin' than you.

- Chongo

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: olddude
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 11:50 AM

what about the lady involved in the fight that killed Chongo ? any word?

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Ernest
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 11:51 AM

He might as well be alive, he always smelled like that...

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Bill D
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 12:12 PM

It seems he went on vacation and was a bit careless on a boat.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Amos
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 01:42 PM

GREAT picture of Chongo, Bill. About time, too.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 01:47 PM

Yeah, but the shark threw up and Chongo was still with us. Until now.

The cops also found four kilograms of strychnine in the body of the late Chongo.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Rapparee
Date: 17 Feb 12 - 07:52 PM

And it was dismembered. Heckuva suicide.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 12:45 AM

Just admit it. He scares you.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Ernest
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 04:52 AM

How did the shark react on that poisoned alcohol?

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: freda underhill
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 06:06 AM

Chongo can't be dead - I'm sure I saw him riding a wave at Bondi Beach today.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 08:12 AM

No he's not dead, it's just wishful thinking.

Dave H

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 11:56 AM

Suicide, it was. He even left a note reading, "I've done myself in. Nobody to blame but me. Yup, just me." The RCMP are certain he wrote it because it was typewritten over the blood splotches.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 12:10 PM

The RCMP have no jurisdiction in Chicago, Rap. You are flogging a horse that is not only dead, but that has no legs to stand on.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: number 6
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 12:49 PM

All this nonsense of Chongo living a life as some sort of private Dick in Chicago was a fraud .... a fantasy life created by Chongo himself ... in reality he lived in the house of some over the hill folk singer in Orillia, Ontario ... for years he banged away on an old manual Underwood typewriter producing manuscripts of complete nonsensical gibberish that no one (humans and monkeys alike) could understand ..... a little over a year ago Chongo moved out out that house in Orillia. Apparently he could not take listening to the constant drone those off key D and E chords coming out of that folksingers guitar and mouth harp. Chongo moved to Barrie Ontario, a small city just down the highway from Orillia. He moved into a seedy room above the Queens Hotel. He took to serious hard drinking. Patrons of the bar in the Queens Hotel remember Chongo sitting alone at the bar, telling everyone that he was going to move to Morocco and write a novel that would be the greatest story ever written in the 21st century.

biLL

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 03:38 PM

The Queens Hotel???? In Barrie????? That place is a f*cking hole!

And whaddya mean "over the hill"? ;-) Why, I'm just starting to climb it.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 03:59 PM

Yeah, some folks said it was a shame. Most didn't care much either way, except for a couple of score to whom he died owing money. In any case, it was suicide. The RCMP said so, and that's that.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 05:08 PM

Every time I see this thread title, I am given the illusion and disappointment of false hope which I know cannot exist.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 08:07 PM

Life is full of those kind of little disappointments. The best thing is not to dwell on them.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 09:32 PM

According to the Barrie Advance, there will be no funeral. What's left will be bagged and put out with the rest of the trash, just as Chongo would have wanted it. His sister, Chinga Chimp, is in charge of the arrangements and is the executor of what there is of the estate (which has been declared morally and financially bankrupt).

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 09:51 PM

You should go check out the MOABS, Sappo. I been spinnin' a little story about you and Amos there that has all the monkeys in town laughin' their tails off...and that means the ape population is going nowhere but UP.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Rapparee
Date: 18 Feb 12 - 10:32 PM

Why bother? You're dead.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 24 Nov 14 - 07:57 PM

There is another rumor goin' around that I died. It ain't true. No more true than the last one was. And it is Rap that is spreadin' these rumors. Which figures. He is a sad case. If he was a case of whisky, it wouldn't even be worth drinkin'.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Nov 14 - 07:58 PM

WTF?

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Ed T
Date: 24 Nov 14 - 08:07 PM

PTDR: "pété de rire", in Nort' Bay.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: gnu
Date: 24 Nov 14 - 08:17 PM

"Hahahahaaa" is the old school round S'ouest ca. And, it's bilingamal.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Rapparee
Date: 24 Nov 14 - 09:50 PM

Chongo is dead. Died in a spitball shootout when he inhaled the spitball instead of blowing. It's in all the Chicago papers and all over the TV: 'Dumb Chimp Inhales' and 'Chongo Chokes -- Doesn't Too Dumb To Blow'.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 24 Nov 14 - 10:31 PM

Rumor has it that his family donated his body to science fiction.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 24 Nov 14 - 10:56 PM

The truth is...and I am gonna break it to alla youse now...it is Rapparee who is really dead. Dead from the neck up, I mean. He's been that way fer years. Yeah, he still walks around, but there ain't nothin' happenin' upstairs, see? Zero goin' on between his ears. Only nobody is reportin' it nowhere, cos Rap is, I am sorry to say, a nobody himself. So it ain't "news". The media ain't interested, coz no else is interested. In my case, me bein' a celebrity and a presidential candidate with more smarts than Obama and more guts than Teddy Roosevelt and more sex appeal than Bill Clinton...the media is very interested. And that is why Rap keeps havin' these juvenile fantasies about me bein' dead. He's jealous!

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: olddude
Date: 25 Nov 14 - 12:40 AM

You know yer dead chongo stop blaming rap dang monkey's

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: GUEST,Rahere
Date: 25 Nov 14 - 08:50 AM

Aw, Chimp chump chops, chaps...

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Rapparee
Date: 25 Nov 14 - 09:46 AM

From the Chicago Daily News (Southtown Edition, November 24, 2014, p. A3):

A body found in the Chicago Sanitary Canal was identified today as that of Chongo Chimp, according to a report released by Cook County Medical Examiner's office. The cause of death was reported to be a spitball which was sucked in instead of being forcibly exhaled through a drinking straw.

According to witnesses, Mr. Chimp had just started to engage in a spitball fight with the North Side when "he took a big breath and started to cough and stuff," Ms. Bang-Bang LaTush told investigating officers. Further testimony elicited that Mr. Chimp wandered off, coughing and running drinking straw in and out of his mouth "apparently trying to clear the obstruction out."

He was reported to be turning a bright cerulean.

Sometime later a splash was heard but no one cared enough to investigate.

The body, called by the autopsying pathologists "the most disgusting thing ever pulled out of that open sewer" was released to claimants from the Primate Party. Mr. Chimp will be interred again at a later date.

The deceased was well know as a perennial candidate for President of the United States.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: GUEST,Chongo Chimp
Date: 25 Nov 14 - 11:38 AM

Nice bit of creative writin', Rap. I am glad to see that yer fascination with me and my alleged demise is keepin' you busy, coz if you didn't have somethin' to keep you busy, you might get into some serious trouble, right? But makin' up stories about me keeps you off the street, and I know that yer whole community is glad of that. So keep it up. I figger it's free publicity anyways, and that can't hurt.

Subject: RE: BS: Is chongo Dead?
From: Gurney
Date: 25 Nov 14 - 03:02 PM

Nice to get input from LH. Missed him.


But I've got a new telesight now. lol.