The daftest songs ever

Subject: What's the daftest song ever?
From: Paul Reade
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 08:20 AM

I nominate Engelbert Humperdinck's Lesbian Seagull

Any suggestions?

Subject: Lyr Add: LOVING YOU HAS MADE ME BANANAS
From: pdq
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 09:18 AM

Standup comic Guy Marks used to do this song...


LOVING YOU HAS MADE ME BANANAS

Verse 1
Oh, your red scarf matches your eyes,
You closed your cover before striking,
Father had the shipfitter blues,
Loving you has made me bananas,

Verse 2
Oh, your red scarf matches your eyes,
You closed your cover before striking,
Father had the shipfitter blues,
Loving you has made me bananas,

Bridge
Oh, you burnt your finger that evening,
While my back was turned,
I asked the waiter for iodine,
But I dined all alone,

Verse 3
Oh, your red scarf matches your eyes,
You closed your cover before striking,
Father had the shipfitter blues,
Loving you has made me bananas.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 09:42 AM

I'm Going Back to 'Im as 'as.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Elmore
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 10:04 AM

Who's the Fool Now, aka Martin Said To His Man. Fun to sing as well.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Leadfingers
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 10:27 AM

If Les Barker makes the comment " That's a SILLY song!" the nomination
has to go to Malcolm Austen's Octopus's Leg !

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: frogprince
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 10:28 AM

I remember when "Loving You has Made Me Bananas" actually got quite a bit of radio play. But I would have to add my vote for "Lesbian Seagull", which I had never heard before. I'm at a loss as to why anyone would think of making a "straight-faced" recording of that. Could they have thought of it as having actual merit as a statement for tolerance or rights for gays? If so, why ???. Daft and funny is one thing, but that is just humorless and uttery inane.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: PHJim
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 10:34 AM

I think Jim Webb and Richard Harris produced the absolute winner of the daftest song award.
Macarthur Park

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 10:34 AM

God Save The Queen. No contest!

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 12:01 PM

I wonder if S Shaw ever gets tired of being so ballsachingly boringly predictable?

Ho-hum

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: GUEST,Guest Charles Macfarlane
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 12:19 PM

> From: PHJim
>
> I think Jim Webb and Richard Harris produced the absolute winner of the daftest song award.

Can't agree with that, perhaps not the best song in the world, but a long way from being the worst, or even just the daftest, which was the original question.

I would nominate one that Robin Dransfield covered on Tidewave, "When It's Night Time In Italy, It's Wednesday Over Here". This is a much fuller set of lyrics than Robin sang though:

When It's Night Time In Italy, It's Wednesday Over Here

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 01:06 PM

This has to ba a contender, words here, in a Mudcat thread, Edison Cylinder
recording here.
JohnB

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Mrrzy
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 01:10 PM

The large dark aardvark song!

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 01:14 PM

Almost all George Formby's songs are daft, in the nicest possible way.
I also nominate Max Bygrave's Toothbrush song (You're a pink toothbrush, I'm a blue toothbrush etc). All my schoolchildren thought it was extremely daft, but begged me to play it if they did well in a test!

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 01:20 PM

Beetlebaum by Spike Jones.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Elmore
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 01:36 PM

I like The Hartlepool Monkey. Not the monkey, the song.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 02:34 PM

There's no bones in mushrooms.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: GUEST,sturgeon
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 03:48 PM

'Ain't it Grand to be Bloomin' Well Dead'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfyBlwlCFYo

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: GUEST
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 03:52 PM

You'll never find hairs on a duck egg
But you'll always find hairs on an ape.
It's only the hairs on a gooseberry
That stop it from being a grape.

(taken from Jim Eldon)

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Bainbo
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 03:55 PM

The Jim Eldon verse above was from me, cookie Awol.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: fat B****rd
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 03:57 PM

"Feet up (pat him on the po-po)"
Gets my vote,
PS Doesn't mean it infuriates me.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 04:51 PM

The railroad runs through the middle of the house

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: michaelr
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 07:53 PM

The Unicorn song!

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: robomatic
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 08:20 PM

Gary Cooper Movie Five Yep
by
Ted Snag & The Buckets

played twice on Doctor Demento in the 80s.

Has a nice piano break in it.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: PHJim
Date: 11 Jun 12 - 11:03 PM

MichaelR suggested The Unicorn Song. Shel Silverstein has written some daft songs for sure, but I wouldn't pick that one.
What about:
Freakin' At The Freaker's Ball
A Boy Named Sue
Don't Give A Dose To The One That You Love
Cover Of The Rolling Stone
Goodnight Little Houseplant
I Got Stoned And I Missed It
I'm So Good That I Don't Have To Brag
Never Bite A Married Woman On The Thigh

Besides The Unicorn Song, he also wrote a bunch of other songs for kids:
Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take The Garbage Out
Someone Ate The Baby

The man was a genius. His song, Cover Of The Rolling Stone got Dr. Hook on the cover, but Shel never made it himself. His liner notes for Ramblin' Jack Elliott's first album are brilliant.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: GUEST,Bob Coltman
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 04:57 AM

The Tune The Old Cow Died On.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Mr Happy
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 06:52 AM

What's the daftest song ever?

A hypothetical question?

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: GUEST,Charles Macfarlane
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 09:22 AM

> From: PHJim
>
> MichaelR suggested The Unicorn Song. Shel Silverstein has written some daft songs for sure, but I wouldn't pick that one.

From Shel Silverstein, it has to be "Three-Legged Man", which here in the UK Eddie Walker used to cover in his live gigs, though I don't recall him recording it.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: frogprince
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 10:06 AM

We are, of course, going different some different ways in defining "daft" here. Maybe we can take the opportunity to get in some nice flaming argument about it. : )
To me, a bunch of the songs mentioned may be "daft", but they're fun because you can sense that they're rooted in intelligent humor. Others just lay there and beg the question of why anyone would have recorded them.

Then again, maybe a lot of people get a good laugh out of the E.H. recording of "Lesbian Seagull, and it just landed in a hole in my sense of humor.

Subject: Lyr Add: BANANA BLUES (Ronney Abramson)
From: s&r
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 10:25 AM

Banana Blues - Ronney Abramson

I got my heart wrapped up
Inside a soggy banana
Got my head tied to my teeth
Got twenty-nine pairs
Of one-sided hairs
And I don't know what to believe
But I would rather see myself
Like a purple valentine
But nothin' will matter
Not nothin' will change my mind

I got my Martin ukelele
I'm a finger-pickin' lady
With my two-tone electric guitar
Feelin' real heavy
In our fifty-two Chevy
My man's got a hot apple car
And I have come to see myself
Like a purple porcupine
But nothin' will matter
Not nothin' will change my mind

I got my heart wrapped up
Inside a soggy banana
Got my head tied to my teeth
Got twenty-nine pairs
Of one-sided hairs
And I don't know what to believe
But I would rather see myself
Like a purple valentine
But nothin' will matter
Not nothin' will change my mind
I say nothin' will matter
Not nothin' will change my mind
Nothin' will matter
Nothin' will change my mind no
Nothin' will matter
Nothin' will change my mind

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Elmore
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 10:49 AM

Squalor by Lou and Peter Berryman.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: GUEST,Atlanticarc
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 11:43 AM

Plastic Jesus as performed by the King Earl Boogie Band

Something like this if memory serves me correctly...

Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes,
Long as I got my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all trials and tribulations,
On my travels through the nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

[Chorus]
Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Though the sun shines on his back
Makes him peel, chip, and crack
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

and so on in similar vein. Great fun actually, and then the immortal verse...

I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I got my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
But I' afraid he'll have to go
His magnet ruins my radio
And if I have a wreck he'll leave a scar

Subject: Lyr Add: I LOBSTER AND NEVER FLOUNDER
From: PHJim
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 11:45 AM

I always enjoyed this daft song, I Lobster And Never Flounder, by Pinkard & Bowden.

I was a cook, she was a waitress
Down at the Salty Sam Seafood Café
And somewhere 'tween the clam juice and the seaweed salad
Some little shrimp just lured her away

Oh, I lobster and never flounder
He wrapped his line around her
And they drove off in his carp
Oh, I lobster and never flounder
I octopus his face in
Eel only break her heart

I said, "Just squid and leave me
For that piano tuna
If you want to trout something new"
She was the bass I ever had
Now my life has no porpoise
Oh my cod, I love her, yes, I do

Oh, I lobster and never flounder
He wrapped his line around her
And they drove off in his carp
Oh, I lobster and never flounder
I octopus his face in
Eel only break her heart

(Spoken:)
"Boy, I swordfish she'd come back to me, Sandy. I shore'd a whale of a time."
"Now, Richard, you know she'd just pull that 'Not tonight, I've got a haddock' routine."
"You're probably right. But y'know, I've kelped her picture in my walleye just for the halibut. I wonder if she's still got mine in her perch?"
"Did you..you say 'perch'?"
"Yeah, I'm afraid so."
"That's good. For a moment there, I thought I was losing my herring."
"Well, we bass squid all this seahorsing around before these people out here go into a state of shark."
"Yeah, if we get out of here alive, it's going to be a...mackerel."
"Frankly scallop, I don't give a clam."

Subject: Lyr Add: THE GREAT SILKIE
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 12:00 PM

GREAT SILKIE
An earthly nurse sits and sings,
And aye, she sings by lily wean,
And little ken I my bairn's father,
Far less the land where he dwells in.

For he came on night to her bed feet,
And a grumbly guest, I'm sure was he,
Saying, "Here am I, thy bairn's father,
Although I be not comely."

"I am a man upon the land,
I am a silkie on the sea,
And when I'm far and far frae land,
My home it is in Sule Skerrie."

And he had ta'en a purse of gold
And he had placed it upon her knee,
Saying, "Give to me my little young son,
And take thee up thy nurse's fee."

"And it shall come to pass on a summer's day,
When the sun shines bright on every stane,
I'll come and fetch my little young son,
And teach him how to swim the faem."

"And ye shall marry a gunner good,
And a right fine gunner I'm sure he'll be,
And the very first shot that e'er he shoots
Will kill both my young son and me."

Now that's really daft.

Subject: Lyr Add: I'M WALKING BACKWARDS FOR CHRISTMAS
From: Young Buchan
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 12:00 PM

Spike Milligan
I'm walking backwards for Christmas

I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
Across the Irish Sea,
I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
It's the only thing for me.

I've tried walking sideways,
And walking to the front,
But people just look at me,
And say it's a publicity stunt..

I'm walking backwards for Christmas,
To prove that I love you.



Or failing that The Yingtong Song

There's a song that I recall
My mother sang to me.
She sang it as she tucked me in
When I was ninety-three..

Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po,
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong ying tong
Ying tong iddle I po

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: PHJim
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 02:49 PM

GUEST
Cool Hand Luke's Plastic Jesus

I believe that Ernie Marrs gets credit for this song, though there are those who dispute his claim to authorship. There are many verses to the song and no two people seem to sing it the same.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: PHJim
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 02:54 PM

There have been many forum threads on Plastic Jesus and there are two versions in the Digitrad.
Earlier Plastic Jesus info

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Bert
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 05:29 PM

My Dad used to sing...

My wife's husband, he's a friend of me
when we get married we'll have coffee in our tea
never with a knife shave the whiskers off a flea
every little poodle has his day
Rock oil, suck a boil,
if you can't succeed suck coke
never eat a sausage with it's skin on
good morning do you use Pears Soap.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Joe_F
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 06:22 PM

A Horse Named Bill

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: pdq
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 07:14 PM

Another candidate...

                                     Everybody's Rich But Us

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Elmore
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 08:09 PM

Garden State Stomp by Dave Van Ronk.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever?
From: Genie
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 08:24 PM

Passengers will please refrain
from flushing toilets while the train
Is standing in the station,
I love you.
We encourage constipation
while the train is in the station.
Moonlight always makes me dream of you.
While we're strolling in the park,
goosing statues in the dark,
If Sherman's horse can take it,
Why can't you?

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 12 Jun 12 - 08:51 PM

look - you lot should know when you're beaten

Bloke comes home. sez , tell you what; I'm a part time seal.

I'm going to teach my son to be a part time seal.

I know your sort - you'bre almost certainly going to get off with a seal hunter, who will harpoon me and the kid. You bastard!

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: MGM·Lion
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 01:15 AM

Any hymn

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: GUEST,Don Wise
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 10:37 AM

Anything from The Goons, Monty Python etc., and how about 'Da-da-da' from Trio?

Da-da-da
Da-da-da
Da-da-da
Ich liebe dich nicht
Du liebst mich nicht
Da-da-da
Da-da-da

etc. etc..........I believe there is an english version as well....

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Elmore
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 11:14 AM

Closing Time by Leonard Cohen

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Big Al Whittle
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 12:35 PM

Da Da Da is real folk music. I remember Klaus Voorman looked really cool plucking a fender precision bass. We need cool guys like Klaus inside the tradition rather than all these bloody folksingers.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Elmore
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 03:42 PM

Waltzing Around in the Nude by Dick McCormack.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: GUEST,guest
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 05:21 PM

launching the flame war:

If it was written intentionally to be comedic, its not daft, its funny.
If it was written for children, its not daft, its silly.

A daft song is ridiculous when you think about it, but takes itself seriously.

So my orignial nominees were:

Stand By Your Man
Spirit in the Sky
Total Eclipse of the Heart

but I have to agree agree that MacArthur Park takes the cake.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Paul Reade
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 06:42 PM

Guest - I like the definition, and I think my original nomination Lesbian Seagull
definitely fits it.

Paul

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: GUEST,Charles Macfarlane
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 10:39 PM

> From: GUEST,guest
>
> A daft song is ridiculous when you think about it, but takes itself seriously.

No, that's just a bad song.

A daft song is one that is illogical, certainly lyrically, possibly melodically as well - that is, its lyrics contain non-sequiturs, unexpected juxtapositions of ideas, impossible situations, etc, but may still make some sort of idiotic sense.

We've seen a few examples above, but I still think my suggestions are among the best.

> So my orignial nominees were:
>
> Stand By Your Man

Just a bad song.

> Spirit in the Sky

Not exactly outstanding lyrically speaking, but you obviously have no idea how much fun that was to dance to in the 70s.

> Total Eclipse of the Heart

Can't recall it so can't comment.

> but I have to agree agree that MacArthur Park takes the cake.

"Someone left the cake out in the rain" though. It's not that bad, but it's not that good either. And at least it has something of a decent tune.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Bert
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 10:52 PM

But guest, WE are daft so we don't make such distinctions.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: PHJim
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 10:55 PM

I still think MacArthur Park is it, but, depending on your definition of daft, how about The Bird Is The Word or maybe Having My Baby?

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Elmore
Date: 13 Jun 12 - 11:19 PM

Too Fat Polka by Mclean and Richardson.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 02:23 AM

Now that you're mine, It's a quarter past nine,
I think it is bedtime don't you.
She rose from the chair, took off her false hair,
Her white pearly teeth came out too.
One leg made of wood, one eye was a dud,
]Her nose she began to unscrew.
And I cried with dismay as her breasts fell away.
Am I wasting my time on you.

Guess he must have been blind or daft not to notice before making her his!!!

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Little Hawk
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 02:55 AM

Bird Is The Word

Nothing could be dafter than that song.

Subject: Lyr Add: INCENSE PEPPERMINTS (Strawberry Alarm Clo
From: Genie
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 03:05 AM

Nah. "Having My Baby" and "MacArthur Park" are just lousy songs - not really daft.

But THIS one is totally daft:

Strawberry Alarm Clock's "Incense, Peppermints" - which was conceived simply by consulting a rhyming dictionary:


"Good sense, innocence, cripplin' mankind,
Dead kings, many things I can't define,
Occasions, persuasions clutter your mind,
Incense and peppermints, the color of time.

Who cares what games we choose?
Little to win, but nothing to lose.

Incense and peppermints, meaningless nouns
Turn on, tune in, turn your eyes around.

Look at yourself, look at yourself, yeah, yeah
Look at yourself, look at yourself, yeah, yeah, yeah!

To divide this cockeyed world in two
Throw your pride to one side, it's the least you can do.
Beatniks and politics, nothing is new.
A yardstick for lunatics, one point of view.

Who care what games we choose?
Little to win, but nothin' to lose.

Good sense, innocence, cripplin' mankind
Dead kings, many things I can't define.
Occasion, persuassions sclutter your mind

Incense and peppermints
Incense and peppermints

Sha la la
Sha la la
Sha la la
Sha la la
Sha la la"

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Genie
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 03:12 AM

Then, of course, there are other good candidates here

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 04:50 AM

Having thought about it some more... perhaps this would take some beating..

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 05:05 AM

Adiemus.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: GUEST,Mark Bluemel
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 06:07 AM

And did those feet in ancient times walk upon Englands mountains green? No
And was the Holy Lamb of God in Englands pleasant pastures seen? No
And did the Countenance Divine shine forth upon those clouded hills? No
And was Jerusalem builded here, among those dark satanic mills? No

Game, Set and Match to William Blake

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: WalkaboutsVerse
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 06:53 AM

My attempt at folk comedy: "On Honeymoon!" - http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/blogentry.php?blogentryid=28168

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: mayomick
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 10:27 AM

Ha- ha daft :
While you're in the Mexican Proper
And wearing a bowler or topper
Be careful or you'll come a cropper
For in Mexico they dance on your hat

Plain daft :
Ye faketh olde lyrics of virtually any Christmas carol composeth during the Victorian era , but especially the "Hither page and stand by me /if thou knowest telleth" verse in Good King Wensaslaus

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Elmore
Date: 14 Jun 12 - 03:49 PM

Civilization by Bob Hilliard and Carl Sigman.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Elmore
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 03:49 PM

Atheists Don't Have No Songs by Steve Martin.

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: GUEST,Max Reiner
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 04:38 PM

I've been looking for the name of the following song and singers for a l000ng time. It was popular in the the early 1960s. Had to do with NASA space flights or maybe sex. Lyrics could be interpreted both ways. HA. Here is a lie of lyrics near as I can remember. Song by girl singers.

"It's a long way to splash down."

Disco sounding beat.

Anybody know???

Thanks!

Maxy

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Esdeonfi
Date: 15 Jun 12 - 07:27 PM

How about the Nonsense Song? A wonderful camp song.

That site has the lyrics of the last line wrong, though– should be "Paderewski blow your horn (toot toot!)"

Subject: RE: What's the daftest song ever
From: Elmore
Date: 16 Jun 12 - 11:10 AM

Remember Song by Tom Rush.