BS:advice wanted re: people's comments

Subject: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: GUEST,Claire M
Date: 14 Jul 12 - 04:12 PM

Hiya,


I have 2 carers (I've posted about my situation before) who are always telling me I need some variety in my life and I need to go clubbing (I can hardly move!) because I'm only young. Their music is OK, but I feel nothing when I listen to it -- it leaves me completely cold – and know if I bought it myself it'd be in the charity shop a day later. When I put music I like on, it's brought me to tears because it's that good.        I don't push my taste on them, so why would they push theirs on me?

I'm also a country girl and have had our way of life and my older neighbours criticised more than a few times – thankfully not to their faces – by one carer in particular (who's never even met them!). Admittedly I never used to like where I live myself but since my taste reverted back to what it was I love it.

They aren't the first carers I've had to say this type of thing. Getting others will be difficult because at least one of them needs to be a certain age to drive my car so I can go out.
People have teased me about my music taste/lifestyle before, and I've never minded, but this is really annoying.
Any suggestions on how I ignore their comments?

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 14 Jul 12 - 04:22 PM

My suggestion, and it isn't worth much.

Politely tell them what you have told us and politely ask them to stop. The worse that can happen is that they continue to make such comments. The best is that they see the light and become more caring. What will probably happen is that they will still be jerks, but not so much in front of you.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 14 Jul 12 - 06:05 PM

Claire, I feel for you as you seem to be vulnerable to these people. I don't know your situation, but no-one in a position of 'carer' should be criticising you or making you unhappy. Have you a close friend or family member who could perhaps speak to the carers and point out that this is not part of their job? Your tastes, in music or lifestyle, are not any of their business. I assume you're an adult, so you've every right to enjoy the things you like without having to give in to their preferences. I wish you well and hope things improve for you. Eliza.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 14 Jul 12 - 06:07 PM

Tell them that although you are reliant on others for physical help, the same isn't true regarding likes, dislikes, or musical tastes.
Tell them what you like, before they try to tell you what they think you should like.
Assert your independance of mind.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: Bobert
Date: 14 Jul 12 - 08:06 PM

I'm not sure what a carer is but...

...when it comes to music, hey, listen to what you like... Ain't your problem that way... It's others folks...

B~

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: ChanteyLass
Date: 14 Jul 12 - 08:13 PM

Kill 'em with kindness.

When they tell you what they think you like, say something like, "Isn't it wonderful how different people have different tastes in music? I am glad that you respect mine just as much as I respect yours."

Also, tell them that you are very happy with your home and friends and are glad that they are also happy with theirs.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: Crowhugger
Date: 14 Jul 12 - 08:25 PM

Good ideas from several people. Best of luck sorting out this problem. The reality is that some caregivers are imperialistic about lifestyle choices--not just music but clothes and food, newspaper, TV channels. Quite unacceptable and you don't need to put up with it. You can find your voice on this matter, I'm sure of it. Be patient with yourself while you work up the nerve to challenge their behaviour.

What seems a reasonable position to take: It's your home, your life, therefore your music. When the carers are off duty they can listen to their choice in music. It wouldn't be the first time someone heard music they didn't love in the workplace. Life's like that. Where they can fairly expect you to give in is if you play music at harmful decibel levels--the carers are entitled to a safe workplace.

Later, after they accept whose home it is and that you are entitled to enjoy your own tastes without criticism, you can decide whether you'll deign to play music of their tastes from time to time.

If these so-called "carers" truly cannot grasp that you are entitled to listen to what you want (at more or less any age, in your own home), AND if someone else talking to them also doesn't help, why not go for a more Pavlovian approach? Be sullen, cranky and unco-operative (but not outright rude) EVERY time they criticize your music or insist on playing the stuff that leaves you cold. And when your own music is playing, be nice, compliment their hair, ask how their kids are doing, you get the idea. They'll soon realize their working life is a lot more pleasant if they play your music.

Actually one other option, if applicable, to try before you apply Pavlov is to speak with their supervisor at the agency that placed them. That's if they are from an agency or organization of some sort, and that you didn't put an ad in the paper and hire individuals out of the blue. If you didn't go through an agency, it's more work but if other remedies fail, it IS okay to fire them. I know of several people with various home care providers coming in, and it nearly always took several tries to get the best fit.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 14 Jul 12 - 09:08 PM

It's likely that your carers are actually trying to be helpful, but it's also likely that they don't really appreciate the limitations of those of us who have "infirmities" (like disabilities from heredity, illnes, or just older (than they) age).

Depending on whether they seem likely to be "teachable," when they suggest that you should "be more active by getting out more" simply suggest that they put five marbles in each shoe and go out dancing. IF they try it, they may understand a little better, but even if they don't it's still possible that they might think about it.

Criticizing someone's cultural background is a pretty ignorant, but common, trait, especially among the marginally literate; but if they think they can criticize yours, it's obviously appropriate to (gently - maybe) voice your own comments about theirs. You could ask about their "social life" and then criticize their lack of - or excessive - "dating," or whatever else they claim to do. I would expect, however, that you might be better off "educating" them about your own background, perhaps by "telling a few tales" about some of the people worth respecting from your own background. ("I've been wondering whatever happened to ..." is a possible intro to a discussion?)

Inappropriate and unwanted "suggestions" aren't limited to those who need care, but unfortunately some "carers" do seem to feel specially privileged to be flaunt their "ignorance." The response is the same as for anyone else, to be as assertive as possible about what your interests and desires are and to object (as kindly as possible? - if possible) when the boneheads try to intrude inappropriately.

John

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: Janie
Date: 14 Jul 12 - 09:26 PM

I apparently have not seen your other postings, Claire, so don't know what your circumstances are, and therefore have nothing to offer but questions.

Are you otherwise satisfied with your caregivers? Do you like them and believe they are interested in your well-being? I don't know how young you mean when you say "only young." Are they dissing your tastes in music, or are they attempting to encourage to get out and be more social within your generation in the best way they know how, even if it is not the best way for you?

Are you comfortable asserting your own tastes and opinions when others have different tastes and opinions?

Do you experience your caregivers as bullies in general? If not, do you experience yourself as being bullied by them on this one issue?

Do you experience them as caring but not understanding?

Do you fear retaliation if you disagree with them?

Are you comfortable expressing and asserting your own tastes and opinions in general?

Would it be good for you to find ways and venues to get out more? If so, how can you explore or learn about venues and social opportunities that are closer to your own tastes?

My initial impression from your opening post is you are speaking to one particular facet of your experience and relationship with your care givers, but I really can't assume that. If you experience your care givers as bullies, or as largely disempowering, obviously, as Crowhugger suggested, you can and should replace them.

Whatever your situation may be, you have my best regards and I hold you in my continued good thoughts and meditations.

Janie

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: Leadfingers
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 06:19 AM

Who funds your 'carers' ? Perhaps a quietword to whoever that is might help !

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: Will Fly
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 06:24 AM

Print off this page and make them read it.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: Crowhugger
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 07:45 AM

To link to another post by ClaireM with a bit of additional information about her situation you can CLICK here. To find more of her messages click on "GUEST,ClairM" in the header of her first post.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: GUEST,Claire M
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 09:39 AM

Hiya,

I'm 29. I'm told they don't think very deeply and that's why they say these things. Fortunately they don't live with me. If I was to put 'Bib & Tuck' – a favourite – or something on I can imagine the comments I'd get.

Dad finds all the carers but one very boring. If you gave me a choice between a concert and a nightclub you know what I'd pick. When I go to Respite Care nobody says I should do any of that.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 09:59 AM

This reminds me of a recent case here in UK, about a care home where the 'carers' played bhangra music very loudly, in spite of the fact that the residents didn't enjoy it. Carers are not there to indulge themselves; it's work, and they should respect their clients' wishes.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: banjoman
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 10:35 AM

I think your Dad is the key to this. Ask him to be a bit more questioning when finding carers and make sure that they know of your taste in music so that they will fit in with what you want.
Very best of luck and dont let them grind you down.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: John MacKenzie
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 11:16 AM

There was a radio programme in the UK called "Does he take sugar?", which covered disability matters. It was called that because of the propensity of thoughtless folks to ask the person pushing the wheelchair, what the person in the wheelchair, likes or wants. As if they had no mind of their own, or couldn't answer for themselves!
I'm afraid it's a common problem, and my only comment in this instance is this. If these people are regular carers for people with disabilities, then either they're poorly trained, or they're not following guidelines.
Either way, they want a kick up the arse!

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: GUEST,olddude
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 11:58 AM

Well my friend, if you PM us your address we will send you a bunch of CD's with music you will like.

God Bless you, in my prayers ...

forget them, they don't know what they are talking about and pay no attention to their comments.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: GUEST
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 02:43 PM

Hi; lots of good advice here. Paid carers are there to attend to you and your needs, so apart from your physical care needs IF they are supposed to have a role in supporting you with social needs then they should respect your interests and tastes e.g. Enabling you to go to a concert of your choice would be the way to do it, NOT forcing you into the kinds of clubs they prefer, or suggesting that there is something wrong with you if your tastes do not lie in that direction.
I work in social care and all I can say is that these carers have been very poorly trained and supervised if they are being so disrespectful of who you are as a person. If they are supplied through an agency, that body must have some kinds of codes of practice and minimum standards you can expect. I would expect those codes to be build on ideas of respect and person- centred care. The actions and attitudes you are describing do not fit with those sorts of professional values.

I hope you find a way to be assertive (not rude, not aggressive) and tackle these difficulties.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 03:09 PM

Eliza put it perfectly: "Carers are not there to indulge themselves; it's work, and they should respect their clients' wishes."

That applies to music as it does to every other aspect of life.

Basically anyone who doesn't accept that isn't fit for purpose as a care worker, and should be shown the door. And any care agency that doesn't impress that on their employees isn't fit for purpose either, and should dispensed with.

There are good people out there who can do the job properly.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: peregrina
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 03:16 PM

Hi Claire,
If you join mudcat instead of posting as a guest, then you can send and receive private messages ( otherwise known as pm ) and i bet a lot of folks here might be glad to send you some CDs of their music.

If you share your computer with others you can log in and out of mudcat to be a guest or not. When someone sends you a pm, you'll see a red number at the top of the screen which you click on to get to the message.

I dont have any advice about what sounds like a frustrating situation with the carers, so I'll just say welcome to mudcat and glad you found it. :)
Oh, and if you like the more informal participative type of folk music, do you have a local folk club where you are?

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 04:51 PM

One of my friends has a 40yr old son who is almost completely paralysed. He lives in London with a team of permanent carers day and night. They are super and indulge his every whim (and why not?) They take him in the special vehicle to any concert he fancies, and at this moment they've taken him to Amsterdam, (who knows what for, and again, why not?!) They stay out all hours at different venues with him and help to make his life bearable. My friend has total confidence in them. That to me is good caring.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: mg
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 05:36 PM

Are you saying they are not letting you play your own music and insisting on theirs? Not good. For some chores, like vacuuming, they should be allowed to have headphones and play whatever they want. You should be able to either play your own music quietly when they can not use headphones, or, if it really bothers them, use headphones yourself, but neither party should havet o listen to music it hates. If I were forced to have to listen to jazz for several hours I would go berserk..and perhaps I could drive people berserk playing bagpipe music for four hours...mg

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: GUEST,Eliza
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 05:59 PM

Put simply, the clue is in the word...'carer'... isn't it?

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 06:08 PM

"...but neither party should have to listen to music it hates."

I can't agree with that, so far as care workers are concerned. It's no busness of a careworker to stop someone playing whatever music they prefer in their own homes, or to complain or sneer at it. Anyone who can't live with that has no business imposing themselves on someone who needs help in daily living, and should get another job.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: Tangledwood
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 07:20 PM

"always telling me I need some variety in my life and I need to go clubbing (I can hardly move!) because I'm only young"

Perhaps that may actually be some good advice but accompanied by a poor example. Your carer's experiences of "getting out" may only be limited to clubbing so that is what they suggest for you. Your preference is obviously concerts of some kind, possibly folk clubs or community choirs. The most important content of any of these is the social activity with old and new friends. We all need that.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: mg
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 09:12 PM

i DISAGgree. I think that having to listen to music that makes you want to jump out of your skin constitutes a hostile work environment. Not music that you are not crazy about, or do not prefer, but music that you absolutely positively hate. Like some people would feel about heavy metal, even turned down low. They should not get to listen to their music,unless with headphones or by mutual agreement, but I would not insist that they have to listen to mine if they truly were made discomforted by it. And blithely telling them to get another job is disrespectful to them..as they were disrespectful to their employer...it all depends on how much time this involves too..if it is all day listening to heavy metal..it can not be imposed I don't think..if it is 20 minutes for a quick check..possibly...but some music hurts us..it is a very personal thing and what one person thrives on, another can not stand to be around. I can not stand to be around jazz..if I had to work around it 8 hours a day I would..I couldn't do it...some people could not stand Lawrence Welk all day..I could...some music I don't prefer but I could be around it..country western say..or gospel...but unless both parties agree, perhaps persuaded by loss of income, I think headphones or silent periods are in order...But absolutely you should not have to listen to theirs if you don't like it. Tell them to turn if off. mg

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: Tangledwood
Date: 15 Jul 12 - 11:46 PM

I'm not reading anything in Claire's posts that says either party is being forced to listen to the other's music. Her final question in the first post is
People have teased me about my music taste /lifestyle before, and I've never minded, but this is really annoying.
Any suggestions on how I ignore their comments?

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: GUEST,CS
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 08:28 AM

Mg you are plain wrong, if you don't like working in other people's HOMES and hearing that home owner's musical choices, then you are simply unsuitable for that kind of work. If you don't like the temperature of the house you work in, do you get to turn the heat up or down? Nope. If you don't like the colour scheme? Nope. If you don't like the smell of cabbage? Nope. Nope, Nope.

Of course if you don't like hearing music that is not your own preference at work, you may also have difficulty working in pubs, cafe's, restaurants, supermarkets, boutiques, malls and factories.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: GUEST,leeneia
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 10:35 AM

CS, I think Claire is not living at home. She's in a center of some kind.

Claire, I believe you need to figure out what exactly you want. To play folk/blues in your room? To go to concerts? To have performers come to the center? Then figure out who can get you that (family, social worker, center management) and talk to them.

I suspect that day-to-day carers brush off your comments about music because they don't have the knowledge or authority to get you what you want, and so they are being defensive. Unfortunately, that just comes off as obnoxious.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 16 Jul 12 - 06:27 PM

Being "defensive" is one way of being "obnoxious".

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: GUEST,Claire M (Permanant GUEST!)
Date: 02 Aug 12 - 09:55 AM

Hiya,

Update:

THEY'VE BEEN TAKEN OFF!

It wasn't just those comments; I've had plenty of teasing before & not minded. It was the telling me what to do I couldn't cope with, & the younger one talked to me as if I was her child. The older one was & has been very vocal about how my parents do too much for me.

Tomorrow is their last day looking after me & it will be very difficult as neither know why I requested not to have them, & I can't say it's because of all the reasons I gave you !! I   knew whenever I moved away I'd no longer see them but I didn't know how long that would take & didn't want to be stuck with both in the meantime.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: GUEST,999
Date: 02 Aug 12 - 10:55 AM

"When I go to Respite Care nobody says I should do any of that."

You are the person being cared for, Claire, and therefore in some way the carers are being compensated. In short, they work on your behalf FOR YOU! Arranging for a friend or two to take you to a concert or music session or pizza place (I love anchovies so I mention pizza any chance I get) should be yours to do, and if you need help getting that done both caregivers and friends can do so without lotsa hassle.

Stick up for yourself. That ain't a right, it's a responsibility to all people everywhere. Seems you have a great start on that path.

Keep well and hang tough.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: banjoman
Date: 03 Aug 12 - 07:36 AM

Well Done -please register as a member and then we can all enjoy a bit of each othes views, comments etc.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: GUEST,kendall
Date: 03 Aug 12 - 07:57 AM

I served 4 years in the Coast Guard; a 311 foot ship with men from all over the country. There was constant conflict because of different tastes in music and it finally came down to NO MUSIC at all. The record player was unplugged and that was that.
I much prefer silence over that racket that passes for music anyway.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: Claire M
Date: 03 Aug 12 - 02:08 PM

Hiya,

It was because of criticism of my/our way of life as well, not just music, which I could've coped with fine. I've been told I'm moody, I don't know how to have a conversation (I'd just been given some bad news, which one kept referring to) I don't look forward to anything (that clearly isn't true), & I just couldn't cope with it any more.

I can find a common ground with most people but not people like said carers. We've a running joke that my carers are cloned, like in Dr. Who; they all seem to have the same interests (ie none), same hang-ups with food (lecturing me on diet while eating nothing themselves) & tell me exactly the same things (that I've no interests/hobbies) etc. Thank god they've gone.

I personally prefer having male carers because they don't do that but they aren't allowed.

There is one folk club but it's a real struggle to get my wheelchair in the pub where it's held, & I think it's for musicians. I can't play an instrument so I was a member of a disabled musicians' group for a while – we even did a concert – but it closed.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: ClaireBear
Date: 03 Aug 12 - 02:20 PM

Welcome to the Cat, Claire.

I feel for you regarding being hassled over your lifestyle. It is difficult to maintain a rural and/or traditional lifestyle in a culture that celebrates modernity, as I have great reason to know. I have nothing useful to contribute to the carers conversation, other than my empathy for you, but I am pleased to meet you.

Cheers,
The Other Claire

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: GUEST,999
Date: 03 Aug 12 - 02:37 PM

Hi, Claire, and again welcome to Mudcat. Call me 9 for short.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: Bert
Date: 03 Aug 12 - 04:26 PM

Welcome to Mudcat. If you find yourself in that situation again, try a big smile along with a rude hand gesture.

You can listen to some of my music here. and feel free to respond with a rude hand gesture if you don't like it;-)

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 03 Aug 12 - 08:17 PM

If I read your posts correctly, it seems that you are living in the UK.

Is that correct?

If it is, you are entitled to remind your carers that CeSky (or whatever they call themselves now) have an established best practise for supported independent living.

You are entitled to point out to your carers that this provides for care on the social, not the medical, model.

This, in a nutshell, means that their job is to enable, not to control, your life choices and activities.

In short, you make the choices, and they help to make them happen. If this is not the case, insist that they refer to the regulations, which are specific.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: Janie
Date: 03 Aug 12 - 08:19 PM

Glad you decided to "join up" Claire. And glad you were able to lose the caregivers that did not suit you.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 04 Aug 12 - 09:28 AM

I was very glad to see your name pop up without the GUEST in front, Claire. I look forward to seeing your posts about anything and everything.   

At least there aren't wheelchair access problems with the Mudcat. There oughtn't to be with folk clubs either, but we're stuck with a lot of mistakes from the past in how buildings were put together.

There are folk venues which are reasonably accessible, both clubs and festivals - it would be worth doing some investigation about that. The Mudcat might be a good place to do some of that, with a thread looking for information about access. Even if it didn't turn up anything near you, it could be useful to others - and it might help some folk club organisers to think more about this.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: YorkshireYankee
Date: 04 Aug 12 - 03:55 PM

Hi again, Claire -- well done on becoming a member, and welcome to Mudcat!

Very pleased to hear you've got new carers; hope they are more... well, caring than the last two!

Especially if the folk club near you is "for musicians", how do-able would it be to try to start up a singaround or a singers' club yourself? (I think you're actually in a better situation than if the folk club near you was for singers; if it was, it would prolly be much tougher to try to start something up when something like it already exists.)

Then you could pick a venue that is near you and has good access as well. Do you know other folks who enjoy singing and might attend? Do you know if there are many other folkies in your area who also enjoy singing? Perhaps the folk club you went to would be willing to help you publicise your new club (as long as it wasn't on the same evening). Depending on where you are, putting something about it on Mudcat could help get people there, as well.

Do you have a friend who might be willing to help organise/run it with you? Is this something your carers might be able to help with?

Sometimes, if you can't find what you want, the thing to do is create it yourself. Chances are you're not the only one who would be interested. Just a thought...

Good luck!

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: banjoman
Date: 04 Aug 12 - 04:51 PM

Welcome Claie - looking foward to loads of comments, arguments and general chit chat. Which part of the UK ae you in> or have you aleady told us. I have had poblems with access in a couple of clubs but have persevered. Keep at it and you will win through
Pete

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: Claire M
Date: 04 Aug 12 - 05:01 PM

Hiya,

One of them – the younger one – has had quite a few complaints! Older people usually like somebody they can chat to who can relate to them, she couldn't do that. It struck me when I was at Respite Care that I was having more fun there than I'd ever had with either of them, & normally I hate care homes. I have no regrets at all; I just wish I'd done this a lot earlier !!

I've been told were I not disabled I would be good at a caring job.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: Mo the caller
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 05:35 AM

Hope you get carers you like now.
You said "Tomorrow is their last day looking after me & it will be very difficult as neither know why I requested not to have them, & I can't say it's because of all the reasons I gave you"
Will they find out what it was, if they never do they won't be able to improve.

Good idea to start your own group, would PHAB be interested in helping you to get it off the ground, suggesting a venue etc.

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 03:08 PM

I opened up this old thread from 2004, which seems pretty relevant - Wheelchair Friendly Folk Clubs?

Subject: RE: BS:advice wanted re: people's comments
From: gnu
Date: 05 Aug 12 - 03:39 PM

Ditto on all the good wishes and a definite WELCOME to Mudcat.

Just ignore the big dumb animals and you'll enjoy your time here.