BS: Out of the mouths of....

Subject: Out of the mouths of....
From: Davey
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 10:00 AM

A chuckle or two for you.

I came across these in my files and couldn't resist sharing them with you as we start into the weekend…LOL

The following proverbs were collected by a first grade teacher over the years. She gave her classes part of an old proverb and let them fill in the rest.

As You Make Your Bed So Shall You........ Mess It Up.
Better Be Safe Than........ Punch A 5th Grader.
Strike While The........ Bug Is Close.
It's Always Darkest Before........ Daylight Savings Time.
Never Under Estimate The Power Of........ Termites.
You Can Lead A Horse To Water But....... How?
Don't Bite The Hand That... .....Looks Dirty.
No News Is........ Impossible.
A Miss Is As Good As A........ Mister.
You Can't Teach An Old Dog New........ Math.
If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll........Stink In The Morning.
Love All, Trust........ Me
The Pen Is Mightier Than The........ Pigs.
An Idle Mind Is........ The Best Way To Relax.
Where There's Smoke, There's........ Pollution.
Happy The Bride Who........ Gets All The Presents!
A Penny Saved Is........ Not Much.
Two's Company, Three's........ The Musketeers.
Don't Put Off Until Tomorrow What........ You Put On To Go To Bed.
Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And......You Have To Blow Your Nose.
None Are So Blind As........ Helen Keller.
Children Should Be Seen And Not........ Spanked Or Grounded.
If At First You Don't Succeed........ Get New Batteries.
You Get Out Of Something What You........ See Pictured On The Box.
When The Blind Lead the Blind... .....Get Out Of The Way.
There Is No Fool Like... .....Aunt Susie.

)

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 10:06 AM

Just emailed them to my sister, the teacher, Davey. Thanks!

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: Freddie Fox
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 11:26 AM

That rings a few bells from my own experience as a teacher! Such as;

We poured the agar into the plate and left it to bacteriarate.

What are thermals? They're what skiers were under their suits in winter.

What is peat made from? Squashed grass and cow s**t

All guaranteed genuine, and from teenagers to boot!

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: KathWestra
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 11:33 AM

Hey Davey, these brought one of those *BGs* to my face. Thanks for posting them. Kath P.S. And remember, "A bird in hand makes waste. Two in a bush make haste!"

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: kendall
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 01:02 PM

a few years ago, I had a neighbor who had a black female dog. This dog would get loose and come to my house, I would put her in the fenced back yard, and eventually the neighbor would come for her. After a half dozen of these visits, the neighbor came over with her little girl, about 7 years old, took the dog, and on the way out of the pen, the neighbor said " She is just a stupid black bitch!" the little girl pipes up with "And I'll bet she has blonde roots too!!" I swear that happened.

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: JedMarum
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 01:55 PM

one of my warped school friends in Jr High answered one of the proverbs;

You Can Lead A Horse To Water But....... you can't lead a horticulture.

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: Sandy Paton
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 01:57 PM

Wisdom of the young? Well, the other day my 6-year-old grandson remarked: "You know what's good about books? You don't have to rewind them!"

Sandy

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 02:09 PM

Liam, that comes from an old parody of the horse to water, can't make him drink saw: "You can lead a whore to culture but you can't make her think," or a longer version in which a teacher includes the original in a list of old sayings, and sometime later gives her class a vocabulary list containing the word horticulture. Sometime after that she calls on a student who's been woolgathering and asks him to use the word horticulture in a sentence--he thinks a while and comes up with the revised saw.

And Davey, I've seen that kind of list often before, but this is absolutely the most hilarious of them all. Every one had me LMAO, some had me gasping for breath.

--seed

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: JedMarum
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 02:14 PM

Davey - great list!

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: kendall
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 03:07 PM

More.. More

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: kendall
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 04:14 PM

I went to a yard sale a couple of weeks ago in Florida, and there were three little kids playing in a golf cart. The boy, about six was at the wheel, and there were two little girls on the seat beside him. Suddenly, he somehow got the thing to move, nearly running over my foot. I said "Do you have a license to run this thing?" one little girl, about 3 or 4 said "Well, we're not really going anywhere!"

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: Hotspur
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 09:52 PM

My favorite is by a jr. high student, who informed us that "Sir Ferdinand Maggelan circumcised rhe glob with a 110 foot clipper." :)

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: Dale Rose
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 09:58 PM

Some years ago, one of my sixth grade students wrote that cathedrals were held up by flying waitresses.

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: Bill D
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 10:42 PM

"The early bird gets...his own breakfast".....

One I heard personally...worked with a guy who stepped on a nail one day....he was worried that he was gonna have to get one of those 'tenative' shots...

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: _gargoyle
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 10:43 PM

For a "NEWBIE" I gather yur puttin' on pretensons....

Watch out!!! Soon ya will be challengen' the gang-0-twelve.

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: _gargoyle
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 10:46 PM

Davey....

Stick to the deja-news.....or follow quitely for three months....(Lord only knows this place has finally gotten back to the DT roots.)

Come on MAX....PLEASE....set up the filter.

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: Banjer
Date: 22 Oct 99 - 10:48 PM

Out of the mouths of babes......comes pablum.

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 23 Oct 99 - 01:16 AM

Out of the mouth of Gargoyle comes napalm. --seed

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: Stewie
Date: 23 Oct 99 - 03:30 AM

Gargoyle, I too am a newbie, but why do they all hate you so? Do you think some of your detractors would be more at home with gewgaws rather than gargoyles?

Yours, without prejudice, Stewie.

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: roopoo
Date: 23 Oct 99 - 03:37 AM

One I always liked was: "Those that ask do not receive. Those that don't ask don't want!"

mouldy

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: Stewie
Date: 23 Oct 99 - 03:52 AM

Here's a couple from politicians for whom I had the misfortune to work for many years. They too are babes of a sort:

The root of the trouble up here is at the top
An unlimited number, varying between 30 and 60
We all know how easy it is to sit under a tree and go backwards
There were 278 adults, of which 101 were children
Our paths cross and run parallel
There is a tendency for children to be born more frequently
We are left on a shelf, drowning in debt
They hand us this red herring to pluck and it turns out to be a stonefish
I rise at this moment and I cannot say that I support anything in particular
He was caught with a utility load of women and children under the influence
He cannot sit on the fence and jump backwards and forwards on a weekly or monthly basis

Subject: RE: BS: Out of the mouths of....
From: Melbert
Date: 23 Oct 99 - 04:36 AM

There was a song I got from a fine Irish singer / writer called Michael McConnel which was about the way that politicians speak First verse and chorus:

For twenty frantic fruitless years I worked in Dublin town
Reporting for newspapers I was busy writing down
all the words of politicians in my endless quest for truth
'twas in such a wasted exercise I squandered all me youth
That's the start of my misfortunes, as now I'll tell to you
for I find myself now talking as politicians do
So if anyone should ask do I take sugar in my tea
I grasp them warmly by the hand and this is what I say

I'm very glad you asked me that for at this point in time
In the circumstances that prevail there is in the pipeline
Infrastructural implications interfaced with lines of thought
which lead to grass-roots viabilities which at this point I'd rather not
enunciate in ambiguities but rather seek to find
negotiated compromises which are the bottom line
for full and frank discussions which could serve to integrate
with basic fundamental principles to which we all relate.
Not in doctrinaire philosophies which any fool can see
in inescapable hypotheses confronting you and me.
So in the interest of the common good, no you may never fear
I have the matter well in hand, I'm glad I made things clear

(It took a bit of learning - maybe I should have put it on the "Difficult songs and tunes thread too.....)