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Incredible Excuses...
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Subject: Incredible Excuses... From: Freddie Fox Date: 29 Oct 99 - 12:41 PM Hi All - This is something I've just got to pass on. On the radio just now [Classic FM for those interested], they've just told a story about a pensioner who sent a letter first class and it was delayed for five weeks. The excuse given? The comma in the address line was in the wrong place... Has anyone else had experience of people or organisations who really should know better coming up with unbelievably naff excuses? Freddie |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: Micca Date: 29 Oct 99 - 01:25 PM I always remember a friend told me a Tale about the Raj in India. The babus( Indian Civil service) were not permitted to alter any written document originating with A British Officer, so if there were spelling mistakes or punctuation errors in a document it had to be returned to the individual for correction with each correction initialled. A British Officer involved in railroad repairs lost a crowbar, the paper explaining its loss followed him around India for nearly a year, with requests for changes in spelling and punctuation etc but never once querying the cause he gave for the loss which was "The steel crowbar was eaten by termites" |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: Melbert Date: 29 Oct 99 - 01:36 PM Peter Ustinov tell's the story of an officer he knew who had three trays on his desk marked, "in", "out" and "too difficult". |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: Melbert Date: 29 Oct 99 - 01:37 PM Why did I put an apostrophe in "tell's"? Please don't return it to me. feel free to correct it. |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: Allan C. Date: 29 Oct 99 - 01:49 PM There's lots more to tell you; but I have already told you more than I know. |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: katlaughing Date: 29 Oct 99 - 02:02 PM It's a possible, for sure, maybe! My old sales manager told us women that when we woke up and just knew we'd be no good that day for going out and selling, an "Off" day, we could just call him and say our bras went on backwards....and FIT! We did! |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: JedMarum Date: 29 Oct 99 - 02:23 PM what's naff? |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: MMario Date: 29 Oct 99 - 02:53 PM I had an excuse, but....uhmmm, I think the burro ate it this morning...yeah, it must have dropped out of my pocket when I went to the barn and Pedro ate it. yeah, that's what happenned. |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: Freddie Fox Date: 29 Oct 99 - 02:58 PM Naff - silly, pathetic, stupid ... you name it, but it's what these excuses are! |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: Bert Date: 29 Oct 99 - 04:36 PM Pedro? watch it he might explode! |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: MMario Date: 29 Oct 99 - 04:37 PM He's a miniture, I wanted to name him "burrito" but got over-ruled. |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: Jeri Date: 29 Oct 99 - 10:33 PM My dad drove a city bus, and once had to fill out an accident report. Cause of accident "a telephone pole swung out and hit me." Sure enough, they called him back in to explain. A truck carrying poles was passing him, they weren't properly tied down and one swung out and hit him. |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: Art Thieme Date: 29 Oct 99 - 10:48 PM Once, when I was in highschool, a gal refused a date with me because "her goldfish died"... Art |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: Pelrad Date: 29 Oct 99 - 10:54 PM In that same vein, I once filled out the "cause of accident" section on the state accident report: "A furry black spider and a gigantic oak tree conspired to ambush me. Upon a pre-arranged signal, the spider climbed onto my lap, while the oak tree leaped in front of my car." I even drew pictures, but the Staties didn't laugh even a little bit. |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: sophocleese Date: 30 Oct 99 - 12:49 AM Aahhh the difficulties of milking as explained to a town-living math teacher. "I was late for school because the goat had mastitis and I had to be slow and gentle while milking her." "What's mastitis?" "Its an infection of the teat, sir, which causes the goat to," "That's all right I don't need to hear any more" What else could I say? |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: Escamillo Date: 30 Oct 99 - 01:42 AM Our President Dr. Menem, once had to speak at the Cereal Board of Trade of Buenos Aires (may be 1997). After the first lines, he noticed some embarrassment in his audience. He stopped, looked closely at the page, and said " mmhh.. this is not my speech " (He was re-reading the Board's president's speech who spoke before him).
Among the loud laughs, he explained: "No, it happens that this speech is much better than mine!"
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: Gint Date: 30 Oct 99 - 08:39 PM I see a buro is mentioned, some years ago I owned a stud farm, so I'm a bit of a horse docter, so if you have a pain in the ass see me |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: John in Brisbane Date: 31 Oct 99 - 06:29 PM Those parts of the World map coloured pink may recall the Yes What (English) radio series from the 60's(?). Every morning Greenbottle would be late for school with the most implausible excuses. My favourite was when he explained that he had accidentally squeezed all of the toothpaste out of the tube, and had spent the rest of the morning trying to put it back into that little hole. Regards, John. |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: GeorgeH Date: 01 Nov 99 - 01:16 PM JinB almost brings us back onto a folk music topic . . On June Tabor's "Against the streams" CD there's a delightful set she entitles "Apples and Potatoes"; part of this has a young boy caught up an apple tree . . . "I'm not stealing apples, Oh, I can explain The wind blowed hard and knocked them down And I'm putting them back again". G. |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: Liz the Squeak Date: 01 Nov 99 - 01:24 PM I was not very good at getting to school (mainly because I hated it) and one morning was later than usual, because our chimney caught fire (yes this was a long time ago and we never did get central heating in that house). I turned up for school well into the second lesson, the teacher made me stand up in front of the class and tell them why, and no-one believed me! I had to get the fire officer to ring the school and tell them what had happened!! Funny, because they believed the one about the flock of sheep blocking the road..... LTS |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: Bert Date: 01 Nov 99 - 01:34 PM We had a math teacher at school who claimed that he had heard every excuse. He told us that the only way anyone could be excused from doing their homework was if they came up with an excuse he'd never heard before. My father used to keep birds and one night his aviary blew down and a lot of his birds escaped. Well the whole family was out all evening on the great budgie roundup trying to catch as many as we could. The next day at school, the teacher lived up to his word and I was the only one in our year who was ever excused homework in his class. But I had to promise him that I wouldn't tell anyone else what the excuse was. (I guess the statute of limitations is up by now though) Bert. (we caught most of them) |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: Peter T. Date: 01 Nov 99 - 01:39 PM When I was a child my parents lived for some years in France, and we lived in a village where the school bus stopped at the bottom of the hill. One day, when I was 7 and coming home from school, I met a nice village lad, and when we got off the bus, we started chatting about this and that; I went to his house, and about 3 hours passed by. Then I went home up the hill, realizing belatedly that I was in big trouble. When I got there, I said to my panic-stricken mother -- "Oh, the bus broke down, the tires burst." Pulled me to her bosom, O.K., made it!! Next day, my father waited for the bus with me (my mother had shopping to do), the bus came. My father said to the driver, in his execrable French: "Comment allez-vouse avec cette bus?" -- "Ca va", was the reply. "Great" said my father, "get on". O.K. made it, luck is on my side!!! Later that day, my mother came to the school to bring me my lunch. We were walking down the hall, and THE BUS DRIVER walked past. My mother immediately got up, and in her impeccable French commiserated with him about the terrible bus breakdown. Curses. Karma, Nemesis, Doom. yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: Jeremiah McCaw Date: 01 Nov 99 - 02:47 PM I was just too damn lazy to get out the phone book, and dialed information for a number. The operator must have been having a bad day, for in an Ernestine-like voice she rather testily said, "That number IS in your phone book, sir. "I ... I'm sorry," I replied, "I can't look it up; I'm deaf." "oh, please pardon me, sir. I'll get it for you right away." I'd have loved to see her her face when (and if) the light finally dawned. |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: Magpie Date: 01 Nov 99 - 03:17 PM I used to have an electric alarm clock. Unfortunately the bugger made a terrible scratching noise, which prevented me from sleeping.(Not the alarm!) So I opened it up, and ventured to put it right. Well, the scratching noise disappeared, and I went to bed quite chuffed with myself. Next morning I was torn from my sleep by the phone ringing. It was my boss, wondering where the heck I was. I looked at my alarm clock, and discovered to my surprise that it went backwards!! I tried to tell my boss, but quite understandably she didn't believe a word I said. I had to take the backwards clock to work, plug it in, and let everybody see for themselves. Magpie |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: bseed(charleskratz) Date: 01 Nov 99 - 05:00 PM It's not only the students who have the dumb excuses: I once had to admit to a class that I was unable to return a set of their essays because I'd left them on the couch where I had sat reading them only to find the next morning my dog had had puppies on them. Another occasion was even sillier: I taught a year at Oregon State University and had a couple of manila folders full of student work on the back seat of my car, a tiny Fiat 600 with suicide doors. I drove to a restaurant for supper after working a while in my office and came out to find that the rain leaking in around the doors had put about an inch of water on the papers. I took them out at home and put them into the oven at low heat to dry them out; this, of course, was long before computers--remember erasable typing paper? The wax in the papers typed on erasable bond melted and the whole stack of papers stuck together. I finally managed to seperate most of them working very carefully with a single edge razor blade. It was kind of like trying to read the Dead Sea Scrolls. --seed |
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Subject: RE: Incredible Excuses... From: kendall Date: 01 Nov 99 - 07:23 PM There is an old Arab story
A man went to his neighbor and asked to borrow his rope |
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