BS: Militant atheism has become a religion

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket sans terroir
Date: 28 Jun 13 - 03:53 AM

Spooky. The people letting our holiday home left us a bottle of Romanian Pinot Noir as a welcome pressie.   Also, Mrs Musket and I spent a large proportion of our honeymoon the other year in California hunting down the best Pinot.

Surely this must be a sign? Perhaps Dave the Gnome is the chosen one?

Steve. Have we enough people yet to rent a farm and get them there to hand over their possessions whilst waiting to welcome the mother ship to, wait for it. ... rapturous applause?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 09:39 PM

Now look here, "concerned" or "concerened", wottevah. I find you to be just the kind of subversive maverick we need on board in order to add a little spice. You can, as we know, be a little on the vituperous side at times, so I propose to allocate a little job for you which I feel might suit your propensities. I need a logo (I already have the priapic butternut squash car sticker, so not that again), and I need something that can be somewhat more of a medallion, or necklace sort of thing, that, for example, evangelical nurses new to our sect can dangle offensively in the faces of defenceless patients (especially Muslim ones). I'm thinking (and I'm sure this will suit you) of a simple image of a sailor on the end of a plank (dig the vague crucifix allusion there!), cast, perhaps, in recycled ship's brass in order to maintain the nautical connection. If you know of any particular sailor you'd care to depict, and I suspect you do, I'm sure I could get you a photo to work on if you let me know. You could do a standard version for mass consumption, but I'm also thinking you could do a special edition for schools, perhaps with the sailor naked with a cutlass prodding his arse...

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 09:21 PM

Now, as your ceremonial Messiah I'm going to dictate that you sup the following wines, all under a fiver (we haven't usurped enough major artworks as yet or got enough fascist dictators on board to fund anything dearer). Asda French Marsanne (a white) at £4.50. Sainsbury's House Pinot Noir at £4.50, and, best of all (bar Don's apricot communion nectar, of course), Tesco's Simply Garnacha at £4.59. I am recommending these ex cathedra. It is not possible that anyone will regret buying any of these (and I mean it!). I'm thinking of excommunicating anyone who drinks anything with either Echo Falls or Gallo on the label. My theory is that the producers of these are juice-lovers and evolution-deniers. Nah, not theory. I'm all-knowing (I forgot that for a minute there), so I know these things to be true. Just like evolution. Thirty years ago it would have been Watney's Special or Double Diamond, but one has to keep up with the times, even if time is infinite to one.

The commandments will have to wait until tomorrow, as my whole evening was taken up with Spain v Italy in the Confederations Cup, which went to extra time and penalties in an absolute thriller (which I'd engineered, of course). Spain won the penalty shootout (I had to tweak that one too: I will not under any circumstances have Iniesta on the losing side, and I am the Messiah, you know). I'm thinking of having the aforementioned Andrés as deputy Pope. I have a spare purple frock somewhere. You OK with that, Musket?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 08:56 PM

""The Displaying of the Balls will be covered in the Commandments. Watch this space.""

11th Commandment.

Thou shalt not attention give to Ed Bollocks talking Balls.

I'm sorry, I'll read that again!

Thou shalt not attention give to Ed Balls.....oh shit, who cares anyway?

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 08:45 PM

""Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,pete from seven stars link - PM
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 05:36 PM

dave-the atheist regimes of communism have done far worse than the church has done throughout her whole history.""

Would you like to tell us what exactly was the cause of the crusades, the inquisition, the driving out of the Moors from the Iberian peninsula, the extinction of the Aztec, Inca and Mayan tribes, and sundry other genocides?

All down to devout followers of Christianity.

Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 05:48 PM

Y'know, I could have sworn I just saw the same concerned person trying to wind people up on the thread about the Dent festival. But I am sure it couldn't have been because this one because this one obviously has better things to do than dip into any thread he can find just to get some sort of pleasure from posting annoying comments. Ah well. If it is I suppose, as a religion, we should do the right thing and help the disabled. Sort of care in the community I suppose.

Am I saved yet?

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

Romanian Pinot Noir is one of my favourite but, being a lowly electrolyte, I am not truly into the Burgundies.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket sans salesmanship
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 05:34 PM

Then join our religion instead of just being concerned! If your voice is as clear as your indifference you can call bingo for us, Wednesday nights.





Steve! Got ourselves a sucker, i mean convert, sort of...

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,concerned
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 05:24 PM

Oh no!!!..ru lot still on with this crap..get a life springs to mind.. and boy do you losers need one!!

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket sans blood of the Messiah
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 04:59 PM

Try a decent pinot Dave.

The grape of true believers.

Mind you, based on Steve's recommendation to make breweries cathedrals, I am reccying the Adnams brewery as I type.   Doing the tour tomorrow. Watch this space.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 04:22 PM

Hey, Joint Messiah/Deity, san pick up thy Musket, What is this about you not being perfect? How can we follow a Messiah that isn't... Oh, wait, I get it! Bit like ol' JC then - You need to be imperfect like the rest of us so we will believe in you. Ahhhhhh. Good. I can sleep now. Well, after the Shiraz Grenache communion wine anyway :-)

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket sans sea legs
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 01:02 PM

Has he been at the rum rations again?

Neo atheists... As opposed to irreligious normal people? As opposed to our new religion which you can't join because you missed the deadline for being our first martyr?

Sorry for being serious for once but I submitted an article last week saying why it is important to to keep NHS chaplaincy and there was a hell of a lot of personal opinion supporting the service. Religion may be irrational but so is placebo, yet both have a place in healthcare...

So Spunky Jack. Does that make me a neo atheist or a person idiots like you can't put in convenient boxes? It should be in next week's HSJ.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 11:20 AM

"Dogmatists pound their drums so hard that they can't hear one another. Their audiences, on the other hand, are unaware of the traveling dog and pony shows featuring the same adversaries over and over, who simulate surprise and "gotcha" moments. The only voice of reason in Puebla was that of Dan Dennett, who spoke about religion not as something hateful but rather as a phenomenon that begs investigation as part of human society, human nature even. Clearly, religion is man-made, so the question is what good does it do for us. Are we born to believe and, if so, why? Dennett is not as sure as the neo-atheists with whom he is often lumped together that religion is irrational or that the world would be a better place if its demise were hastened, noting, "I am still agnostic about that."


Excerpted from "The Bonobo and the Atheist: In Search of Humanism Among the Primates," by Frans de Waal.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 09:34 AM

The Virgin Islands?
Virgin on the ridiculous?
Richard Branson?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 09:29 AM

Now I have no objection to this talk of horrible deaths, after all many of our recruits will be signed up for life before they even leave the maternity unit (with one ear pinna missing, as per previous dictat), so they won't have a clue what their controllers (oops, sorry, parents) have let them in for, but we do need inducements for adults as a counterbalance. Anyone know where we can get job lots of virgins? Sorry, Musket, but you really are gonna have to look outside Sheffield apropos of this one...

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 09:00 AM

Whoops.

"Crucifixion?"

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 08:56 AM

Execution?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 08:55 AM

Fwee Woderwick?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 08:48 AM

You can be Pilate.
Give your hands a good scrub and I am up for the Centurian's job.
Always look on the bright side boys.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 08:46 AM

I'm struggling slightly with the concept of a woman who might be able to make a better Victoria sponge than my one. We don't want unseemly public rivalry. I'll get back to you on this one.

The Displaying of the Balls will be covered in the Commandments. Watch this space.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 08:37 AM

This is fascinating. I feel like I'm witnessing history being made but... until you nail up one (or both) of the co-messiahs you're just another rancid little cult awaiting the Mothership.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket sas belief
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 07:05 AM

Joe. This new religion that is being formed...

You say that the good bit about Christianity is exploring the mystery of it all but many Christians explore the certainty of it all.

Not quite sure if we should be suggesting our true path or asserting it?

This religion lark is harder than I thought.


Oh Steve. I am in negotiations with Betty Swollox to be our token woman. She seems to know her place and once won a WI prize for Victoria sponge. Add knowing all the words to Jerusalem and by default has heard Kate Rusby sing at least one song, and she seems ideal.

Shall I arrange psychometric analysis and interview?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 06:45 AM

Pretty sure, oh Lord, but I could be suffering from a delusion brought on by my childhood in Russian Orthodoxy followed by conversion to Roman Catholicism (or was it North Sea Gas?). I shall be grateful if your omniscience would guide me. On that topic. I am a believer, yet I have not yet seen the balls of lightning. When will you and your co-messiahs be displaying your balls for all to see? I understand you are having trouble recruiting the third member? Maybe this is because she has not yet seen the balls herself?

I believe Messiahs do save people. You could incorporate that in a test on holy scriptures. Ask potential electrolytes to complete the following phrase

If you save fallen women would you save
a) £35 a month with a mutual building society
b) one for me
c) yourself a lot of trouble by not repeating old jokes

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Joe Offer
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 06:37 AM

Dave, my God isn't about certainty at all - it's all about exploring the mystery of it all.

-Joe-

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 06:32 AM

First amendment all other lightning shall be grounded

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 06:28 AM

All ideas are being taken on board, Dave. Are you sure Grandad wasn't just a becassocked priest who drank Cossack? Just wanting to cover all the possibilities, that's all. We don't want hierarchy members with delusions...

By the way, any idea what Messiahs actually do? Haven't had a chance to wiki it yet. Do we have to go round saving people and stuff?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 06:10 AM

Widnes works for me, Co-Messiah. The REALLY bad could go to Ellesmere Port though and gaze with longing on Port Sunlight. Without wishing to preempt your commandments, Oh Mighty Bingo Caller who art in Heaven (Kirkby Lonsdale on a spring morning maybe?), can I begin on the Toerag. The acolytes, or seeing as it is lighting worship should that be electrolytes? Anyway, the acolytes need guidance. I thought I would start what I mentioned earlier.

Lightning Balls are the fundamental tenet of our faith. No other lightning or balls shall be tolerated. All other lighting shall be dismissed and all other balls cut off.

Should any of the faithful become possessed by demons, lesser Gods or the Police on returning from Holy Bingo on a Sunday with too much apricot wine inside, then the exorcism shall be performed by mighty Exocet, who shall purge all such evils from them.

How am I doing so far?

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

Whose Grandad WAS a Cossack in a Cassock and, quite possibly, of unclean habits.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 05:56 AM

C'mon, Joe - I'll not question why YOUR God is so sure about these things if you stop doubting mine.

Lightning Balls - The true path

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

I started out with Lightening Balls but that has a whole different meaning. Hey! Now that IS a phrase open to misinterpretation by future generations :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 05:54 AM

Ach, to hell with the naysayers! (Or, if not hell, some nasty place as yet to be determined: Widnes springs to mind...) Now, Musket, in the interests of unity we should go back to regarding ourselves as co-Messiahs. I still need a woman by the way (oops, wrong thread... ;-) ). In the meantime, I'm working on the Commandments, which I hope to publish on this site later today. Be assured that your doubts about our equal top billing will be assuaged. I'm thinking that you can run things on a daily basis and make the big decisions, a quasi-papal sort of chap, whilst I perform more of a ceremonial role (a bit like God, who does bugger all but gets thanked for doing everything. Yeah, reckon I could live with that - for eternity, of course. Heheh!). Don't do anything drastic (though you could track down a woman - I'm not bloody washing up after the bingo...)

Hey! I just realised - Grandad was a Cossack and a Priest!

Er, Dave, and I'm trying to let you down gently here, are you sure he wasn't just a priest (and a dirty bugger at that) with a cassock? You don't have to prove yourself, you know - your shapely credentials are enough for us...

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: TheSnail
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 05:30 AM

I'm still wondering why Steve Shaw is so insistent about all these things....

So am I, especially his rejection of modern scientific thinking.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Keith A of Hertford
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 05:04 AM

It may have overtaken U.S., but it had a two month head start.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Joe Offer
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 04:51 AM

It's been nice to stay away from this thread, but I'm still wondering why Steve Shaw is so insistent about all these things....

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket sans body of Clapton
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 04:31 AM

DEPUTY Messiah?

I may have to throw my lot in with the Christians. I mean, crusades. Inquisition, colonial conversion etc. They are in a different league when it comes to killing to spread their word.

I bet they would see me as THE Messiah too. After all, I have a beard of sorts and before the bugger fell out, had long blond hair too. Just like the Western looking Middle Eastern Jewish dude.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 02:56 AM

...and I believe this post overtakes the unarmed soldier!

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 27 Jun 13 - 02:52 AM

Hey! I just realised - Grandad was a Cossack and a Priest! I was BORN to this role :-) Mmmmmm.. Maybe I had better stay shtum in case I am over qualified...

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 09:27 PM

Bollocks it is.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 06:58 PM

the atheist regimes of communism have done far worse than the church has done throughout her whole history.

Coo, Mr Dishonest Liar tars atheism with that tired old brush. And don't you just love the sneaky feminisation of "the church"? Good God, this smiley little fellow is far too misogynist even for our new creed!

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 06:52 PM

It would blow the spots off a leopard (sorry Sue) or shoot a Ford Anglia into geosynchronous orbit. Trouble is I don't qualify, as I don't beleve in your unbelief.

Sorry guys!

You worry too much, Don. The watchword in our new creed is bendability - oops, sorry, flexibility. The hierarchy have determined that your free-thinking maverick qualities would fit in very well, potentially qualifying you for high-priest status even, and your apricot wine would be a prime candidate for our communion service (as long as our bioassays conclude that it doesn't clash synergistically with magic mushrooms, of course...)


As far as I know, militant atheists have never burned anyone at the stake, nor started a crusade nor jihad against anyone else.

Disappointingly true, Dick, but you may rest assured that our Diabolic Department is working on it this very minute...

Now, chaps (not to include chapesses as yet, as our precise level of misogyny has yet to be clarified), I'm detecting something of an over-abundance of enthusiasm here, tinged with a definite touch of indiscipline. I mean, Musket old chap/deputy Messiah, for example, you might talk like this in Sheffield:
Steve and I might pull it off after all
...but we do have to think of the sensibilities of our wider catchment. I am thinking that a strong sexual element would provide a major draw, but let's not get too hasty, know what I mean? Better at this juncture to concentrate on our core values. We need a deadly sanction for those who would demur (all other religions have 'em, so why not us?), and we need to figure out a good order of service for our Wednesday night pre-bingo bash. One or two hymns, a bit of certainty-preaching and a ritual involving Don's apricot wine and, possibly, a portion per person of Sloppy Giuseppe if we can get them BOGOF at Sainsbury's. First things first.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 06:42 PM

Not sure why you are telling me Pete from the SS coz I already know. I learned it at an early age from my Grandad who was kicked out of Russia during one of Stalin's purges and then had to leave Poland when both extremes starting kicking seven shades of shit out of each other!

And I had a vision from my imaginary friend :-)

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

(Just 4 behind I think)

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,pete from seven stars link
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 05:36 PM

dave-the atheist regimes of communism have done far worse than the church has done throughout her whole history.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 04:53 PM

Not sure, Gillymor. I have not put an entry in the Toerag (My version of the Torah) as yet. I am contemplating performing exorcism by Exocet. Whatcher think?

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

(Catching up again)

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 04:38 PM

Whoa! Who's doing the exorcisms?

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 04:06 PM

don't actually believe in fantasy and impossible events?

'ere, steady on mate! I bought a round at the pub only last month...

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

(Soldier post creeping up again - STOP IT NOW or feel the wrath of my new imaginary friend. You know who you are!)

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket sans gatekeeper
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 03:06 PM

Don. Of course you qualify.   Since when did being superstitious and believing fantasy be a predetermined proviso to being a member of a faith?

I assume most UK Christians by declaration, including 80% of politicians don't actually believe in fantasy and impossible events?

If they do then

A) we are all screwed.

B) Steve and I might pull it off after all, because we promise bingo and beer. They promise miserable Sundays.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: TheSnail
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 02:38 PM

Fascinating.

A while ago, I tried to get Steve to express an opinion on the difference between science and religion to which he responded "I just happen to not particularly want to enter your booby-trapped and nice-but-irrelevant world of philosophical ramblings." He went on to say "Have you nothing useful to be getting on with?

I'm glad to see that he has found a useful outlet for his intellectual abilities.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 02:18 PM

As far as I know, militant atheists have never burned anyone at the stake, nor started a crusade nor jihad against anyone else.

There's time yet...

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

(Nearly caught the Soldier)

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 02:11 PM

As far as I know, militant atheists have never burned anyone at the stake, nor started a crusade nor jihad against anyone else. If they constitute a religion, it's an unusually benign one.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,gillymor
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 01:42 PM

Yes ,Dave, that's what Catholics call the c-word.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Don(Wyziwyg)T
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 01:39 PM

""By the way, if we can only find someone who can turn water into wine, just think...""

I used to brew a particularly fine apricot wine (the closest to turning water into wine you guys are ever going to get).

It would blow the spots off a leopard (sorry Sue) or shoot a Ford Anglia into geosynchronous orbit. Trouble is I don't qualify, as I don't beleve in your unbelief.

Sorry guys!
Don T.

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 12:59 PM

The Catholic cult? Are you sure you are spelling that right? Mind you, I have been told that I am becoming a cult. At least I think that is what he said.

I like the sound of Nuns in nasty habits too! How about some Hobbits with tasty buns as well?

bollocks!!

DtG,C,LBandSPS

Subject: RE: BS: Militant atheism has become a religion
From: GUEST,Musket sans shame
Date: 26 Jun 13 - 12:53 PM

Of course it is. The catholic cult excommunicate, don't they?