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Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...

DigiTrad:
DECK OF CARDS
JIM
RINDERCELLA
STORY OF PETEY, THE SNAKE
THE PEE LITTLE THRIGS


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GUEST,Me 29 Mar 09 - 12:54 PM
GUEST,TJ in San Diego 17 Mar 09 - 02:17 PM
pavane 17 Mar 09 - 05:19 AM
GUEST,Frank 17 Mar 09 - 01:32 AM
GUEST,Pontefractious 11 Feb 09 - 05:13 PM
GUEST,felonor 05 Feb 09 - 12:54 PM
Tootler 12 Oct 08 - 12:41 AM
GUEST,Peter 11 Oct 08 - 09:54 AM
Escapee 29 Mar 08 - 12:15 AM
pavane 28 Mar 08 - 07:54 AM
GUEST,An Olde Court Jester... 27 Mar 08 - 10:35 PM
Jon Bartlett 09 Feb 08 - 01:28 PM
Stringsinger 08 Feb 08 - 03:39 PM
GUEST,TJ in San Diego 08 Feb 08 - 03:09 PM
pavane 08 Feb 08 - 11:21 AM
GUEST,Zotzman 08 Feb 08 - 10:20 AM
GUEST,Neil D 10 Dec 07 - 10:46 AM
GUEST 09 Dec 07 - 11:55 PM
GUEST,Strad 01 Sep 07 - 10:42 AM
GUEST,other things ive heard 01 Sep 07 - 04:44 AM
GUEST,need full version of "I was cruising down br 29 Jun 07 - 09:54 PM
GUEST,Russ Martin 30 May 07 - 10:37 PM
NH Dave 20 Nov 06 - 07:04 PM
NH Dave 20 Nov 06 - 06:52 PM
NH Dave 20 Nov 06 - 06:48 PM
Herga Kitty 20 Nov 06 - 06:23 PM
fat B****rd 20 Nov 06 - 05:02 AM
GUEST 20 Nov 06 - 12:30 AM
Rowan 20 Nov 06 - 12:20 AM
Leadfingers 19 Nov 06 - 09:47 PM
GUEST,GUEST, STP 19 Nov 06 - 09:24 PM
GUEST,JefJac 28 Jul 06 - 05:16 PM
GUEST,GUEST, bryan 13 Feb 06 - 04:36 PM
GUEST,pavane 22 Dec 05 - 02:31 AM
Naemanson 21 Dec 05 - 07:26 PM
GUEST,Knave of Spades 21 Dec 05 - 06:36 PM
Cluin 19 Oct 05 - 06:24 AM
GUEST,Del 19 Oct 05 - 05:10 AM
GUEST,ALLAN S 21 Sep 05 - 06:39 PM
Rapparee 21 Sep 05 - 09:00 AM
Charmion 20 Sep 05 - 03:11 PM
dick greenhaus 20 Sep 05 - 10:29 AM
Pseudolus 19 Sep 05 - 11:51 AM
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GUEST,whrj@aol.com 19 Sep 05 - 08:24 AM
Peace 01 Dec 04 - 01:09 AM
EBarnacle 01 Dec 04 - 01:04 AM
LadyJean 01 Dec 04 - 12:33 AM
Lighter 30 Nov 04 - 11:58 PM
GUEST 30 Nov 04 - 11:45 PM
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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,Me
Date: 29 Mar 09 - 12:54 PM

The bits I remember:

On the day of the passover of the castration of the camels,
Daniel set forth to masturbate
On the way he was set upon by thieves
These were not ordinary thieves
These were bum chum thieves
They ragged him, bagged him and shagged him
And left him on the roadside to die.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 02:17 PM

I think the only line I ever heard (of this genre)that was not printed somewhere above had to do with "And fifty thousand loyal subjects dropped their chain-mail pants!" What a trove of true scatalogical pearls!


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: pavane
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 05:19 AM

Someone actually wrote a Science Fiction short story (1950's or 60s?)about an era (Parallel history? British Empire in space) when spaceship pilots were all knighted as part of the job. One became stranded on a planet where the local transport was (you guessed it) large mutant dogs.

His quote, when offered one to ride : "You wouldn't send a Knight out on a dog like this".
Memo: Must track down the story!

On the subject of the Saga of Daniel, there are many versions, and like the postings above, most have only part of the whole saga.

Has any historian tracked down a full and coherent version, I wonder. Jim Dixon's, above, still doesn't have everything that I remember, and is different in some details.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,Frank
Date: 17 Mar 09 - 01:32 AM

The first time I heard this was in Memphis TN while in Navy jet school - 1969


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,Pontefractious
Date: 11 Feb 09 - 05:13 PM

current at my school in Cambridge, England in the 1950s -

Shit said the King and a thousand arseholes strained.
Stop said the King and a thousand turds were nipped in the bud.
For in those days, the King's word was law

also (in a broad Yorkshire accent):

And God said unto Ahab - go forth into t' desert
And Ahab went forth into t' desert.
And whilst in t' desert, flaxen-haired maiden come unto Ahab and said -
Wilt thou tarry with me here ? And Ahab said - Yea, I will!.
And it came to pass that Ahab tarried for forty days and forty nights. And on forty first day, flaxen-haired maiden come unto Ahab and said - Lo ! I am great with child. What steps wilt thou take ? and Ahab said - Bloody great big ones, and buggered off into t' desert.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,felonor
Date: 05 Feb 09 - 12:54 PM

I had an old friend who would recite the whole thing, line by line and verse by verse. Of course we were drunk at the time and I could never remember it afterward. I do remember that it was all very much like the above but that it ended with the King saying, "I wouldnt send a Knight out on a dog like this..."


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: Tootler
Date: 12 Oct 08 - 12:41 AM

I remember "Daniel" from my time at University. The version I knew began something like this:

"In days of old when knights were bold, someone wrote "Arseholes" upon the scroll of honour. At this the King was sore angered and did call forth his courtiers and after many days mating and mutually mass debating, they did decide beyond all doubt that 'twas Daniel who had done the dirty deed and did cast him into the Lions den..."

The next bit is much like has been posted previously but further on there was this:

"...and the King did banish Daniel to the desert and Daniel went forth and came unto the Waxy Flaxy Maiden. She, seeing him came unto Daniel and said 'Daniel, Daniel, wilt thou lie with this night?' 'Verily' said Daniel and he lay with her. In the morning, Daniel did arise and went on his way. After wandering in the desert for forty days and forty nights, Daniel came once more unto the Waxy Flaxy Maiden who, seeing him, did come unto him and said 'Daniel, Daniel, I am forty days and forty nights with child! What steps art thou going to take?' 'Bloody great big ones!' said Daniel and departed coming once more unto the city where Daniel did spy the King. Daniel took up a lump of crystalline camel turd and did cast it at the King, striking him square between the eyes. 'Shot', said Daniel. 'Shit', said the King..." and the rest you already know.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,Peter
Date: 11 Oct 08 - 09:54 AM

I recall a geologist friend reciting at length a version of "Twas a dark and stormy night" in Cape Town, Tavern of the Seas, in '74 or so.

Fragments I remember:

"But the bosun, crafty bastard what 'ee were, stole the longboat

The Witchdoctor balanced ....

Then Lord Charles ... balanced ..

But the Bosun, crafty bastard what 'e were, .. balanced ... one witchdoctor, .. and four packets of Woodbines, the best cigarettes, the finest cigarettes, .... (That seems to have been an ad slogan, which should date this version.

The island king's dusky and beautiful daughters were Sophilis and Gonorea

Anyone know the rest?

If not I will email the lad, currently in Madagascar, and ask if he can recall the whole thing, and where he got it.

His best was "Liza is my baby, from Sophiatown." Now Soweto.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: Escapee
Date: 29 Mar 08 - 12:15 AM

Twats that? I cunt hear you.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: pavane
Date: 28 Mar 08 - 07:54 AM

Surely 'The king said come forth... but David... came fifth' otherwise it doesn't make sense


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,An Olde Court Jester...
Date: 27 Mar 08 - 10:35 PM

Following is the entire version I heard recited by Francis Bacon (Not the "Sir Francis Bacon" you're thinking of) on our high school band bus years ago...

T'was the night of the King's Castration and the King was giving a Ball...his left one.

The Queen had said "I want to be King too!", and so the King agreed...not because he had to, but because he had two!

But when the King said "Ball"...well, everyone did, so there was a population explosion in the land.

So the King summonned forth David, but David slipped on a lion's turd and came fifth...

"Ho!" said David.
"What Ho?" asked the King.
"Ass Ho!" replied David.
Chalk one up for the common people.

For his insolence, David was thrown into the lion's den...
As a lion crept upon him, David grabbed him by the balls.

"That tickles!" said the lion.
"What tickles?" asked David.
"Testicles!" replied the lion.
Chalk one up for the mangey beast.

Meanwhile, the knights were merrily stacking camel turds upon the round table, as bullshit had not yet been invented.

Shit flew at random. Random ducked. Shit hit the King.

"Shit!" yelled the King. And the King's word being law in those days, there was a mass movement throughout the land.

Later that night in the Royal Bedchamber, "Roll over!" said the King.
"Fu@#ed if I will!" said the Queen. "Yes, indeed! But corn holed if you don't!" said the King.

As it came out, the Queen got it in

The End...


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: Jon Bartlett
Date: 09 Feb 08 - 01:28 PM

No, I am not "the Jon/John Bartlett who was in the U-Conn Outing Club in the 1950's", (Guest Allan S., 21 Sept 05) nor am I the "Ramskyte (now Wholehearted) JB?" (Herga Kitty, 20 Nov 06). I am the ex-Vancouver, now Princeton BC Jon Bartlett. Sorry to be so long answering!

Jon Bartlett


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: Stringsinger
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 03:39 PM

"Bollocks" cried the Queen "and if I had some I'd be Queen Elizabeth!"

Queen Lizzie had been known for her scatalogical references and to put it crudely, "fart jokes".

"If I had three, I would be a pawnshop."

Frank


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 03:09 PM

I have nothing new to add to this list, but I surely advantaged my sophomoric self of many of these hoary old items in my misspent youth. I salute the horde of scatologists who precede me. AMEN


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: pavane
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 11:21 AM

Wasn't that said at the very start of this thread?
Are balls related to a circular argument?


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,Zotzman
Date: 08 Feb 08 - 10:20 AM

Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...I'd be King...

The King laughed because he had two... The Queen cried because she wanted two...


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,Neil D
Date: 10 Dec 07 - 10:46 AM

My dad used to say 'Balls" said the Queeen because she wanted two.
The King laughed because he had two.
   He also used to say "I gave her an organ for Christmas, and boy the look on her face when she saw those two nuts come pushing it in."


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST
Date: 09 Dec 07 - 11:55 PM

The version of "The King's Castration I heard started thus:

'Twas the night of the King's Castration,
'Twas the night of the King's last ball.

All the cunts and cuntesses stood around camel-shitting
as bull-shitting hadn't been invewnted yet.

Where's The QUeen? the Bishop cried
Fuck the Queen, the King said
and 5000 duitiful subjects quickly jumped on and ravished the queen


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,Strad
Date: 01 Sep 07 - 10:42 AM

After the thieves had finished with Daniel he went on his way in the desert singing "Twinkle, twinkle little rectum, Big prick come when least expectum"


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,other things ive heard
Date: 01 Sep 07 - 04:44 AM

there stood the princess with her beautiful blue eyes one blew left and one blew right and when she cried tears ran down her back.with her luxious black hair hanging from her arm pits.andshe had ears like petals bicycle pedals.she was waring a gownless evening strap and her open toed football boots.                                          i heard this from my grand father it was very similar to the kings castration because he would start it with .SHIT cried the king and a thousand warriors strained. but he only knew a few verses .another thing he used to say was when you asked him how long ago he,d say (back when jesus christ played halfback for the jeruselum giants


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,need full version of "I was cruising down br
Date: 29 Jun 07 - 09:54 PM

I was cruising down broadway one warm summers night when a tender young maiden hove into sight. I hoisted my flags to which she replied: I'm a tender young dumboat going out with the tide. I took her in tow down a causeway not so neat to a room at the end of the street.We went to a room where she laid her lily white hand on my flowing jib boom. We tossed and turned when she let out a cry: Sailor, your doing me harm, your in the wrong port. Wrong port hell, any port in a storm. I think there is more, but I cant remember it.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,Russ Martin
Date: 30 May 07 - 10:37 PM

I didn't hear this as a song or rhyme. It was told to me by a buddy named Joe Huff, from Childress, Texas, when I was a sophomore in college--that would be about 40 years ago.

----------------

It was back in the days of counts, no-counts, and discounts. We were sitting around the square table shooting camel turds. (Bullshit in those days was unheard of.)

Shit was flying at random. Random ducked. The shit hit the King. "Shit!" said the King. And 20,000 peasants squatted and strained, for in those days, the King's word was law.

The scene shifts to the royal bedroom.

"Roll over!" said the King. "I'll be fucked if I do," said the Queen. "You'll be cornholed if you don't," said the King.

"Balls," said the Queen, and the King laughed because he had two.

"By the way," said the King, "where is the Princess?" "The Princess," said the Queen, "is out with the Duke."

"WHAT?" said the King. "You mean the Princess prefers the dirty dangling dick of the Danish duke to the purple precious penis of the Persian prince?"

"Yes," said the Queen.

"Fuck the Duke," said the King.

And 20,000 peasants were killed in the rush, for in those days, the King's word was law.

And besides, ass was scarce.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: NH Dave
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 07:04 PM

And here's another version of, T'was the night of the King's Castration, from the Immortalia site.

Dave


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: NH Dave
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 06:52 PM

One version of, T'was the night of the King's Castration is here on this folk site.

Dave


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: NH Dave
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 06:48 PM

From "Yay! - Boo"

   You can't sleep with our bar maids/waitresses. Boo!

   They won't let you sleep! Yay!

   We're gonna throw all of the beer in the river. Boo!

   (sung) Shall we gather at the river? Yay!

And finish up with a couple of rounds of, "Let's Have a Party" This is on one of Oscar Brand's Air Force Songs records. cf Immortalia.com

    Dave


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: Herga Kitty
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 06:23 PM

And I suspect that the Jon Bartlett post was from the Ramskyte (now Wholehearted)JB?

Kitty


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: fat B****rd
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 05:02 AM

The version I heard began with "And Daniel shat a mighty turd...."
Matthew Humberstone Foundation School, Cleethorpes, c. 1961.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 12:30 AM

If the rabbit hadn't stopped to shit,
he would've won the race.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: Rowan
Date: 20 Nov 06 - 12:20 AM

Jim Dixon's post above contains most of the lines I recall of this epic (and many I don't), which I first heard around 1960, in Melbourne. But where his version has

"This made the King exceeding angry, but the Queen only said, "Well, I'll be fucked!" --- more in hope than in indignation. But nobody moved, save a solitary senile seneschal, quietly masturbating in a corner into a silver teaspoon, and Daniel, who, taking her at her word, grabbed the Queen by her butt-cheeks and slipped her onto his dick like a well-worn jackboot."

I recall
""This made the King exceeding angry, but the Queen only said, "Well, I'll be fucked!" --- more in hope than in indignation. But nobody moved, save the Duke who, being a man of action and very few words, grabbed the Queen by the cheeks of her arse and drew her onto his dick like a wet Wellington boot."

I also recall most of the variations mentioned above of "They've torn down the pub!" from the same era and circumstances. I suspect the considerable variation in these epics (and others, such as "The bastard from the bush" is due to the fact that they were all orally tranmitted (now, there's an image) and aurally constructed, rather than written down.

Kel Watkins did a project about 20 years ago on what he called 'photocopied folklore'. I seem to recall that such items as "The sex life of an electron" (which was a narrative using all the technical terms used in basic electronics) displayed considerable variation when only typewriters were available to pass them on, and that this variation diminished when photocopiers came into frequent use in the 70s. Now that sources such as Jim's are now available digitally (another image to conjure with) I suspect the variation in these items will also diminish. Pity!

Cheers, Rowan


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: Leadfingers
Date: 19 Nov 06 - 09:47 PM

Gawd !! memories of the NAAFI beer bar in Germany in 1961 !!!


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,GUEST, STP
Date: 19 Nov 06 - 09:24 PM

our father would resite blips and bits of thiswhile in his cups the fragments are as folows:

"twas the coronation of the king asshole friday. All the counts and noaccounts were there. The barons were in the courtyard throwing camel shit for bullshit had not been invented. Enter Daniel...
"...The king ordered Daniel to be thrown into the lions den. He called for the lions to come forth, they slipped in camel shit and came in fifth..."
"...Balls cried the queen,if I had them I'd be king."
"...the Queen,the Queen" cried the herald."Fuck the queen" said the king. Thus Daniel and and forty others were killed in the rush."
Coupled with others I believe we can concoct a passable rendition. Does anyone know the origin of this ditty? Our Father was in his prime in the 30's and 40'sif this can pin done a time frame.


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Subject: RE: Origins: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,JefJac
Date: 28 Jul 06 - 05:16 PM

" Oh ,shit," said the King and 40,000 courtiers strained themselves upon the lawn for in those days the King's word was law and to disobey meant death.

Suddenly a lion grabbed Daniel by the left ball, " it tickles ,"said Daniel." "What tickles?" said the King. " Testicles," said Daniel, thereby scoring points for the common man.
" Roll over, " said the King. " I'll be fucked if I will", said the Queen. " You'll be corn-holed if you don't" said the King, thereby scoring points for the nobility.

I first heard bits of this from an Englishman nearly 40 years ago and would give anything to know more. Pass this on.


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Subject: RE: Origins: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,GUEST, bryan
Date: 13 Feb 06 - 04:36 PM

the link

http://ingeb.org/Lieder/thenight.html


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,pavane
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 02:31 AM

The link (to Llewtrah's bawdy site) given in 2001 (Jon Freeman's post) is no longer valid. I think Sarah moved her site some time ago.
There were indeed several versions there, none of which fully matches the version I remember from school (c1963)


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: Naemanson
Date: 21 Dec 05 - 07:26 PM

Somewhere I once heard,

Balls said the queen, if I had two I'd be king.
Balls, said the prince, I have two and I'm not king.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,Knave of Spades
Date: 21 Dec 05 - 06:36 PM

This is hilarious. I remember parts of this from Illinois Institute of Technology in the early 70s. In the version heard, about Dightheria, the king said, "What that f**king Greek is hear again." and Diphtheria had a line.

At some point the King said, "F**k the Queen." and it ended with, "and 50,000 peasants were crushed in the rush to f**k the Queen, for in those days the King's word was law."

LOL

Knavey


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: Cluin
Date: 19 Oct 05 - 06:24 AM

When the aliens arrived, we were unready.
   We were just sitting around the dinner table, mindlessly chattering when the knock came. With a welcoming smile, Grandpa went to the door, swung it open, and was instantly vaporized. Horrified, we watched our grandfather's ashes slowly settle to the floor. The door creaked shut.
   "Aliens!" Grandma whispered, looking at each of us in turn.
   A few moments of silence followed. And then, another knock.
   This time Grandma grabbed her dead husband's shotgun, signaled everyone of her intent, and crept quietly to the door. Her jaw was set and the kind eternal light had left her pale blue eyes; I saw the wild look of the vengeful she-wolf bent on protecting her cubs.
   Grandma suddenly flung the door open and I saw her quickly blast away with both rounds from the over-and under.
   When the smoke cleared, we all stood there in silence... looking down at the twisted and bloody body of Harold Schmidt, the mailman, his bag of letters scattered across the walkway and a C.O.D. parcel lying inches from his twitching fingers.
   "Who would've thought?" Grandma's voice said with a quiver. "Harold Schmidt!... a fucking alien!"


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,Del
Date: 19 Oct 05 - 05:10 AM

I have heard this before somewhere but rather than regarding Daniel it was about Isaac the court jester.Like everyone else i cant remember it all...

While walking in the wilderness one day Isaac came up on a fair maiden, who, indignantly cleaned herself and waltzed off.

Twas in this same wilderness isaac was set upon by bandits from the east. Bum bandits be they! Isaac was shagged ragged and debagged, being left sore and tore.

UPon walking in this same wilderness 9 mopnths later he came upon the same fair maidnen..twice.. sideways! The fair maiden said to Isaac " i am with your child dear isaac, what steps will you take? "fucking great big ones back to the castle" said isaac.

Meanwhile, back at the castle shit was being flung at random. Now random, being a sly bastard ducked and the shit hit the queen. "Well fuck me!" said the queen and 50 000 men were killed in the rush. All except the butler who was dipping his dick in yellow dessert. When asked to comment on the days' proceedings the butler replied "I'm fucking dis custard"...

(hope it helps or reminds someone of another verse. (anyone else heard of isaac the court jester?)


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,ALLAN S
Date: 21 Sep 05 - 06:39 PM

IS THAT THE JON/JOHN BARTLETT WHO WAS IN THE U-CONN OUTING CLUB IN THE 1950'S


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: Rapparee
Date: 21 Sep 05 - 09:00 AM

I heard the "'Balls!' said the Queen" phrase at Ft. Riley, Kansas in the Fall of 1963.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: Charmion
Date: 20 Sep 05 - 03:11 PM

"If my aunt had wheels, she'd be a bicycle" is the version I learned from my dear old history professor.

Such recitations are known as "sod's operas" in the Royal Navy. My favourite is 'Awkins' 'Alo, the one about the angel (ex-able seaman) who gets tired of harping and ends up on Creator's Report, where he is sentenced to three days Hell:

"'Ere to 'ere, fiery chariots wheel-greasing.
'Ere to 'ere, Pearly Gates rail polishing.
Remainder: 'Arpin."
So I 'arps from noon to stand-easy, and I 'arps from stand-easy to dinner.

Et cetera.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 20 Sep 05 - 10:29 AM

The phrase I've heard was "If my aunt had two wheels, she'd be a pushcart" (assuming of course, some preknowledge of the original)


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: Pseudolus
Date: 19 Sep 05 - 11:51 AM

Try going here

Frank


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 19 Sep 05 - 11:00 AM

You don't have to be Jewish: In the Methodist milieu of some of my ancestors, the saying was, "Yes, and if my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle". Likewise the Russians respond to iffy statements with a rhyme that translates to "If it weren't for if & but, I'd have been a general a long time ago".

*

The alternating choruses of yay & boo also occur in "Parties Make the World Go Round", e.g.

There will be no swimming in the pool / We are using it to store the beer

Positively no fornication on the dance floor / And no dancing on the fornication floor

It is forbidden to touch the barmaids' delicate dresses / They are made of cellophane

--- Joe Fineman    joe_f@verizon.net

||: Of all the adornments of power, the most impressive is restraint. :||


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST,whrj@aol.com
Date: 19 Sep 05 - 08:24 AM

One of the passages that I remember say "Shit" said the king and in the coleseum there was a great movement as in those days the kings word was law.

All the counts and no accounts were sitting aroung slinging camel shit because in those days bull shit was unheard of.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: Peace
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 01:09 AM

The one I remember is

Balls! said the Queen. If I had 'em I'd be King. And the King laughed, not because he wanted t(w)o but because he had t(w)oo.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: EBarnacle
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 01:04 AM

There is an old Yiddish saying: If my grandmother had had the balls, she would be my grandfather.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: LadyJean
Date: 01 Dec 04 - 12:33 AM

I was told that "The Night of the King's Castration" was composed by the "ladies" of the University of Chicago law school, in response to a challenge by the men that they couldn't come up with anything really obscene.
My sister attended the University of Chicago, though she went to law school at Illinois Institute of Technology. But she doesn't know if the immortal words came from the U of C.
Sophonisba P. Breckenridge, one of the first women on the faculty of the University of Chicago said, "It's what's between a person's ears that counts, not what's between her legs." And that I'm sure of.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: Lighter
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 11:58 PM

An older friend of mine once quoted "'Balls,' said the Queen. 'If I had 'em, I'd be King" to me in the '60s. That was all he could remember of a long "story" he'd heard on the U.S. East Coast in the late 1930s.


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Subject: RE: Balls cried the Queen, if I had two...
From: GUEST
Date: 30 Nov 04 - 11:45 PM

Somewhere TV or movies)I saw Elizibeth Taylor recite the following:
   Balls cried the Queen
   If I had two I'd be King
   If I had five I'd be a pin ball machine!


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