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BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread
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Subject: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 07:34 AM Given some of the recent threads about Mudcat getting spoiled by a small minority why not have a permanent abuse thread where one could just come and do some of the following - just because you felt like it.
Perhaps some prizes could be given for some of the following - "Quickest successful subject change in the thread attracting more than five responses from separate mudcatters" I used to have an acquaintance at university who was militantly left wing and was fantastic at this. A simple happy statement like "Nice day today!" would be met with "Not if you are one of the oppressed" ... and we'd be off onto his specialist subject. "Most repeated view in a week/month/year" "Least posts about music on a music site since 2002" I'm sure there are many more. Could have no rules (is that a rule? If it is feel free to ignore it). Swearing and terms of abuse are acceptable, perhaps even actively encouraged. On other threads people could perhaps be carefully steered to the abuse thread at the point when they wanted to thread drift and pursue their personal hobby horse(s) and continue rehashing the old conversations again and again with themselves. So a thread about (say) "What guitar strings do you use" could chug along quite happily until someone throws in a curve ball like - eg "I'd use any strings as long as they weren't made by a Welshman/midget/homosexual/republican/liberal/[insert my personal hobby horse]" to try and steer the thread onto their specialist subject. At this stage they could be given the URL to go and argue in the abuse room. It's a thought anyway. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 22 Apr 14 - 07:37 AM Are you not reinventing what alteady exists? No patent given. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 07:40 AM ED, YOU MORON, you are not understanding the point of the thread. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 22 Apr 14 - 07:50 AM Even easier. See the moderators' list of people I am not allowed to swear at and give them a permathread of their own where they can discuss what they like. The title could have a warning that if you are in a demographic that The Daily M*il or Fox, (to cover both sides of the pond) blames for having the audacity to exist, you may not want to open the thread in case you are deeply offended. If you have a view about history that doesn't accord with recent revision aimed at sanitising mistakes, you might not wish to go on it either, in case you called a liar for disagreeing with anybody subjectively called eminent. In return, delete anything they spout that is deeply offensive in threads read by respectable decent people. By the way, swearing at them isn't offensive. 1. They are thick skinned, they have to be to have the views they have in the first place. 2. No point in calling a spade an earth inverting horticultural implement. In return, I'll stop questioning why we publish incitement to hatred and castigate those who refuse to see it go unchallenged. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 07:52 AM Like shooting fish in a barrel. I'm warming to this. Three entries in and I feel like a new person. Bring it on. Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. And I'll abuse them. Come on in the waters lovely. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 07:53 AM Ah Musket, welcome. Firing blanks as usual? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 22 Apr 14 - 07:55 AM Tossed myself off in the cartridges though.. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 22 Apr 14 - 07:58 AM :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 07:59 AM Ed didn't last long did he? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 08:01 AM Why is that mudcat people are so fucking contrary in life? I create a thread where we can go for it and everyone is polite and friendly. WTF? Not like the racist UKIP moron I heard on the radio this morning. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 22 Apr 14 - 08:02 AM Are we there yet? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 22 Apr 14 - 08:06 AM Doddle- do- do- do... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Steve Shaw Date: 22 Apr 14 - 08:33 AM Hi, Nick! :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 22 Apr 14 - 08:43 AM Can we have a Permanent abuse thread No, you can't. Fuck off and take your smart arse ideas with you. :D tG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 22 Apr 14 - 08:49 AM Just in the nick of time. ummm...what rhymes with nick...can I get back to you on that, rat droppings? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 08:56 AM No, you can't. Fuck off and take your smart arse ideas with you. Yes I can. And I have. Time you got liberated Just need Jim, Keith, GfS, Stringsinger and Jack the Sailor and we'll be quorate. Steve. The last time I met you the place we were staying was infested with rats. I trust there was no connection? (I'm practicing linking two unlinked events together to suggest that they are connected. But I'm not very good at it quite yet so it's not very good abuse). Cornish people - all twats. That's more like it |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:03 AM He's not Cornish you tit. He's from Lancashire. It is us Lancastrians that are all twats I'll have you know. As for the Gnome Liberation Front. Bunch of liberal pinko commie terrorists if you ask me. DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:06 AM Ed T - short for or perhaps short of education? It is indeed a long word to spell. ummm...what rhymes with nick. That would be 'prick'. Because it is indeed a truly magnificent edifice. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:12 AM And who said the French do not have a sense of humour? Free the gnomes! "Come on in the waters lovely." No thanks... and don't call me 'lovely'. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: selby Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:13 AM It is us Lancastrians that are all twats I'll have you know. Finally a Lamcastrian has admitted, to what the good folk of Yorkshire have always known. Keith |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:14 AM Trust someone to mention the French. Never liked them since de Gaulle's 'non' in 1967. And the food's overrated. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:14 AM Abuse |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:17 AM Finally a Lamcastrian has admitted, to what the good folk of Yorkshire have always known. Oy, Selby, twats give people lots of pleasure. All you tykes do is whinge and give the North a bad name :-P DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: MGM·Lion Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:18 AM I say! I think you are nothing but a bunch of cads and bounders. Quite beyond the pale. There. How's that for a tirade to put all of you scoundrels and scallywags in your place! Hope it's taught you all a jolly good sharp lesson, and you all feel thoroughly ashamed of yourselves! Now, off to bed with no supper! All of you!! Now!!! ~M~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:20 AM ED - the link to "This must be the bottom" - is this some sort of arcane homosexual invitation? I don't think the other strange link redresses the balance. Still if you want to come out on this thread it's fine by me. Just another opportunity to take the piss out of you. We are an equal opportunities abuser |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Jim Carroll Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:20 AM Wouldn't it be good if we only had back-slapping "I love Bobby" discussions to tell each other how nice we all are? Some subjects get people going Heat-kitchen and all that! Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Keith A of Hertford Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:28 AM Some subjects get people going, but need not get people abusing. If only you folks could keep all the mindless abuse and name calling here and we could have grown up discussions on the other threads. Fuck off the lot of you. (Can I say that?) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:34 AM I will fart in your general direction, if you provide your gps coordinates? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:44 AM Ed... "Abuse" link. I concur. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: selby Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:48 AM It is commonly thought that a "twat" is a noun to describe a pregnant goldfish. :-)))))) Keith |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:48 AM "Mindless abuse" This is a general abuse thread, not a specific abuse one? Abuse drift is not allowed. Get your own thread, "specific" boy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:53 AM I wave my private parts at your aunty |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:56 AM Scared the horses no doubt. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 09:57 AM I often wonder whether it is having too much time on ones hands is the problem. Or whether events radicalise mudcat members. Let me pick someone at random. Keith (hi Keith we haven't talked before) for instance used to be really polite and quiet. Didn't really engage in politics overtly and mostly posted on music subjects. Occasional comments on Ireland (but pretty muted) and occasional worried that someone was coming to bomb us all to oblivion. But generally not. Even 9/11 elicited only a one line post of sympathy. What changed thing dramatically seems to be the 7th July 2005 bombing in London which seems to be a turning point that has made mild mannered Keith posting about one post every couple of days pre July 2005 into the quite radicalised/obsessed person who averages 11.50 posts per day now and very rarely mentions music at all. It often strikes me as amazing that we worry about the radicalisation and change that occurs in others without noticing the circumstances that have changed ourselves. Or perhaps you have retired from teaching and the TA (51 in 2001 if I remember from your post) now and have more time on your hand to reflect on the terrifying world we find ourselves in. Or perhaps that it reinforced your view of all the people out there who 'happily slaughter your loved ones' If the thread keeps going I might chat about my visit to Ireland a few years ago and the huge jolt it gave to a conservatively brought up bloke who lived in London in the 70's and caused me to question pretty much everything that I believed to be true but had never really thought about. Because I'm always happy to converse with people regardless of their views. Even if they are wankers. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST Date: 22 Apr 14 - 10:05 AM Remember, we all start from a twat. Although some seem to prefer mitosis. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Keith A of Hertford Date: 22 Apr 14 - 10:09 AM Your interest in me seems a little obsessive Nick, but your memory is letting you down. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 22 Apr 14 - 10:12 AM Wanking (aka, self abuse, to those who do not have their finger up their ass) does not result from having too much time on ones hands...if involves the hands, except for banjo players, of course. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 10:12 AM A GUEST on a BS abuse thread? What is that about? Although some seem to prefer mitosis Personally, I can't be doing with people with bad breath but each to their own Jack I don't thin is going to join us which is a bore but he did send me a personal message (which was kind) which was very much in the spirit of the thread. I'm sure he won't mind me sharing it here - "Arsehole" "Yes you". Pithy, spirited, forthright. Come in and get involved, Jack, your our sort of guy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 10:14 AM A couple of minutes research Keith. Nothing more. easy when you know how. Which bit of my memory is letting me down? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 22 Apr 14 - 10:15 AM Jack has sailed away, well kinda...he may be lurking in a safe harbour? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 22 Apr 14 - 10:18 AM Rumour has it that jts was blown offshore,just after opening the HIV thread. But,I caution, it is only a rumour. Well...at this point. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 10:20 AM By the way, as you probably noticed, my previous post was littered with grammatical errors. I'm disappointed. Point them out at least. What is this thread coming to? Standards of abuse plummeting within such a short time. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 22 Apr 14 - 10:22 AM I noticed the grammar errors and first was concerned that you were disguising yourself as Ed T. But, then I realized you were not smart enough to do that. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: MGM·Lion Date: 22 Apr 14 - 10:46 AM Now, I am really getting tired of warning all you naughty boys... Behave yourselves at once, do you hear? You are supposed to be little gentlemen, not bounders and cads and scoundrels and scallywags and outsiders... Now just play together nicely, please. Or Auntie will smack all your bad botties ... Hard! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: MartinRyan Date: 22 Apr 14 - 11:00 AM A Modest Proposal..... Run one BS thread only. Regards |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 22 Apr 14 - 11:24 AM Can we agree on something? How about spelling rumor, rumour? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Steve Shaw Date: 22 Apr 14 - 12:16 PM Steve. The last time I met you the place we were staying... To clarify, the "we" there was Nick and his clan, not including me! To continue: ...was infested with rats. Ah yes, we call those "chickens" here in Cornwall. You'll have eaten bits of 'em in your pasties. Cornish people - all twats. And not one of 'em over four foot three... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Steve Shaw Date: 22 Apr 14 - 12:30 PM Because I'm always happy to converse with people regardless of their views. Even if they are wankers. Yebbut Nick, you could only do that on a permanent self-abuse thread... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 12:30 PM This is very tiring keeping up conflict and abuse when you don't really feel it. I think I'll go and get pissed and then I can pick a fight with anyone about everything - indiscriminately. If people aren't going to come and do conflict and abuse here I'm going to have to go out into the bigger world of mudcat and find some issues (and someone/people) to get worked up about. How do you people have the energy to keep it up day in day out? I'm trying to choose whether I'm going to emerge from my chrysalis as a fully formed troll or as an extreme liberal. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 22 Apr 14 - 01:13 PM Another fucking liberal plot. You'll be giving diddycoys rights next.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 01:23 PM After the way they did my drive? (And all the lucky heather died) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Triplane Date: 22 Apr 14 - 05:02 PM I was going to make an abusive post on Mudcat Mirror then i realised it was going to be self abuse, at least id be amongst equals? Signor J Kerr |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: selby Date: 22 Apr 14 - 05:19 PM adhesive posts are very sticky Keith |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 22 Apr 14 - 05:24 PM Some mudcat mods suck! Any argument, or are they infallible and immune to abuse/favouritism themselves (after all, special folks and their friends, deserve special consideration- not a unique concept in any society?. :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 22 Apr 14 - 05:41 PM Oops, maybe that last post is not accepted in a permanent abuse thread? Just in case someone dies not understand, and us offended, it is intended as humour- following the general slant of previous posts. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Joe Offer Date: 22 Apr 14 - 06:49 PM Musket sez (22 Apr 14 - 07:50 AM): See the moderators' list of people I am not allowed to swear at... Gee, I wasn't aware of such a list, but then I don't do that sort of moderation any more. My instructions are to use only my humor, my wisdom, and my gentle spirit. But then, that might be a good idea, Musket. We could make it binding for Steve Shaw and a few others, too. Let's see....
Instead of deleting comments, we could just move them into the catch-all abuse thread. Gee, the idea has real merit, ya know. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 07:22 PM >>Instead of deleting comments, we could just move them into the catch-all abuse thread. Gee, the idea has real merit, ya know. And then we could just be AWFUL to them with the blessing of Mudcat? Hey Joe (where you going with that gnu in your hand?) you seem like our sort of guy as well. I'm warming to the thought of keeping going now. I was flagging earlier with the old vitriol thing. Especially as I was struggling to be unpleasant to the visitors to the thread so far because I rather like some of them.. I think I reserve the right to swear at Keith as he told me (along with everyone else) to 'Fuck off' earlier but I might not bother. I've forgiven Dave the Gnomist as I took it as a witty aphorism. That Steve Shaw though - he was definitely bigger than 4'3" so I'm not sure I can believe anything he says now. Moving things on a bit, Joe... Perhaps as you placed the deleted comments here you could also post their email addresses and we could spam the shit out of them for a bit of extra sport? And if they have a web site perhaps all the good guys could get together and organise a denial of service attack in an atmosphere of jolly bonhomie? Serve the bastards right for spoiling stuff. Perhaps a trial run tomorrow? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 22 Apr 14 - 07:25 PM Ed T - Fuck the mods I say. I was always always on the side of the rockers. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 22 Apr 14 - 08:00 PM "ED, YOU MORON, you are not understanding the point of the thread." Maybe you should have pre-registered this concept with the mods , Nick. So they would delete humour with acbit more caution. Odd that they delete humour, and leave plenty of the nasty personal insult stuff up. Go figure? "Fingers on their triggers", kinda stuff. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Joe Offer Date: 23 Apr 14 - 12:39 AM Nick sez (22 Apr 14 - 07:22 PM): Hey Joe (where you going with that gnu in your hand?) you seem like our sort of guy as well. Gnu, what do you have to say about that? and again...And then we could just be AWFUL to them with the blessing of Mudcat? With apologies to Eliza and others who may think I stereotype Brits too much, let me say that this "with the blessing of Mudcat" idea seems to be a British way of thinking. Please remember that although we have many members in the British Isles, Mudcat is located in the United States. In the US, we take no responsibility for what other people say on the media we provide - in general, the speakers are the ones who are considered to be responsible, not the media that host the speakers...although radio and television stations can be fined if they fail to "bleep" out the sound when speakers say "fuck." Never could figure that out, but I guess some senator thought that saying "fuck" was a really terrible thing that might bring about the judgment of the Almighty or something.... But anyhow, Mudcat does not "bless" anything posted here. -Joe Offer- |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Big Al Whittle Date: 23 Apr 14 - 01:17 AM this is more like temporary abuse....you don't get that sinking feeling. its actually much better.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Musket Date: 23 Apr 14 - 01:30 AM You are behind the times Joe. You aren't the only one to contact me about my detestation of hate propaganda. Incidentally, I'd check up on your statement about USA based websites and free speech if I were you. They form the basis of evidence presented in many terrorism cases and right now, the extradition warrant that your country used to get a wanted terrorist from our prisons to your federal courts included incitement to hate on websites based in The USA. Agreements between our law enforcement agencies mean our police can ask yours to obtain IP addresses and vice versa. Spooky and big brother. But there again, so is seeing sections of society as second class. Actually you aren't on the list. It seems I could tell you to get fucked just as easily on here as over a glass of zin. I just can't upset those hell bent on upsetting others. I have to say that I disagree with them or some such nonsense. A pity. I disagree with celery. I disagree with some government policies. I accept that some people like celery. I accept that governments can't please all the time. Hate and bigotry are in a different league. No excuse for it, see. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 23 Apr 14 - 03:08 AM >>Nick sez (22 Apr 14 - 07:22 PM): Hey Joe (where you going with that gnu in your hand?) you seem like our sort of guy as well. Gnu, what do you have to say about that? Gothcha. On purpose I'm afraid, Joe. For me it was a lovely image. I'm not sure it would have scanned quite so well or been such a hit for Hendrix. Perhaps he might have gone on to play Wilde Beest rather than Wild Thing? His whole career might have taken a different turn (perhaps started wearing women's clothing and recording Purple Hose?) If my tongue was any further in my mouth it would be dangerously close to looking like a BJ My intrinsic gravitas seems to have been liberated on this thread when I embraced hatred. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 23 Apr 14 - 03:15 AM Well, since this is an 'Abuse Lite' thread, we surely don't need to go into all that Musket. Just abuse somebody in a really fun yet highly abusive way and we can retaliate with an abusively amusing riposte. Rather like my husband, who's just starting to learn 'banter'. I'm afraid he greets his colleagues on arrival at work with, "Am f****** ouell dis moaning. How are you f****** doin', mate?" Luckily they fall over laughing. He'd do quite well on this thread I imagine! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Joe Offer Date: 23 Apr 14 - 03:45 AM Musket sez (23 Apr 14 - 01:30 AM) Incidentally, I'd check up on your statement about USA based websites and free speech if I were you. They form the basis of evidence presented in many terrorism cases and right now, the extradition warrant that your country used to get a wanted terrorist from our prisons to your federal courts included incitement to hate on websites based in The USA. Musket, is it so hard for you to understand what I say? Yes, of course the person posting is responsible in the US for "incitement to hate" (although what you appear to see as "incitement" would be ignored in the US). However, the fact that it's posted wherever, does not imply that the place where it's posted gives its blessing to the post. -Joe Offer- |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 23 Apr 14 - 03:52 AM I always liked the Aussie cricket captain phrase. "Which of you bastards called this bastard a bastard?" I think I will start to use my former religious acclamation as a sign off. Well, on this thread anyway. Bollocks DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Jim Carroll Date: 23 Apr 14 - 03:57 AM Swearing during these disputes has become a bit of a red-herring really. Being a great fan of Rochester's poetry and Burns's 'Merry Muses', I've never had a great problem with it and a lifetime of working on the docks and on building sites has shown me that it is largely, as Eliza describes it, "banter". Some words I do find offensive (one in particular), not because it is "swearing" but because it is offensively sexist. The problem I do have with is in it's overuse, which makes it ineffectual in making a point. I believe some of the protagonists in recent arguments who are now protesting about "swearing", are using it as a defence of their own views, ad really 'protesteth too much' Here in Ireland, a fairly common phrase used in banter is "feckin' hoor' often used in admiration - crooked politician, Charles Haughey was often referred to as "a cute feckin' hoor" by those who admired his ability as a crook. An extremely religious elderly publican here in Clare often referred to us customers as a "bunch of feckers". One night, she protested at a somewhat inebriated drinker' language, and when we pointed out that she called us "feckers" - she look ed puzzled and said, "I thought it meant feckless". Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 23 Apr 14 - 04:08 AM Agreed, Jim. I Mrs Doyle's line in "Father Ted" when refering to a lady writer she did not like. "It's all feckin' this and feckin' that and she even uses the F word!" When we were looking for a place to eat in Listowel I was approached by a staggering Irishman who's greeting was "Your a fuckin' Englishman aren't you?" and then proceeded to tell us how much he liked the English and offered to buy us all a drink. We declined as we only wanted a cafe but he delayed my son, around 14 at the time, and gave him a 10 punt note saying "I know your dad would not take it so you buy them all a drink". True story of harmless swearing. :D tG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 23 Apr 14 - 04:20 AM I spent my apprenticeship and early working years as a miner. What I found normal then but in retrospect interesting, is that someone who was "fucking this, fucking that, fucking fuck, Ah, that's a good cup of fucking tea..." never used the F word once they left work and returned home. It seemed to be a work language, and we all tended to use it. Reminds me of a comic on the telly recently speaking of a football match he was at where a fan stood up and shouted "Fucking Boo!" Eliza, you are right. However, it isn't polite not to reply to something someone says to me. Hence my reply to Joe. Now I've said it though..... Fuck ''im. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Jim Carroll Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:24 AM "harmless swearing." I think harmful swearing is a very rare animal - expletives are usually for emphasis rather than offence - even the one I take offence to, which doesn't make it any the less sexist. My favourite story was told by a local clergyman at a dinner with friends here A trainee in a seminary was walking the grounds and as he climbed a stile he fell face down on the muddy ground. He leapt up, brushing himself of as said, "Oh feck!", then paused and thought and said, "Shit, I said feck", then, "Feck, I said shit". Then, walking off, he said, "Ah, bollocks, I didn't want to be a priest anyway". Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Jim Carroll Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:25 AM That's the word Muskie Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:28 AM Was that your imitation or Red Dwarf's Kryten trying to say "Smeg Head", Musket? If so, in the spirit of this thread, it was crap. Bollocks DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:34 AM 'Swearing' can be very funny. It's only unacceptable when there's an underlying deliberate intention to insult in a cruel or racist way. I can never understand people who don't like Billy Connelly merely because he uses the 'f' word (and others) a lot. IMO he's extremely funny, and anyone who's lived in Glasgow (as I have for many years) knows that no harm is meant at all by expletives.art of everyday life. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:45 AM Eliza. Mr Connolly also said how the word is very descriptive and leaves you with no sense of ambiguity. He said, "You never read the line "Fuck off!" He hinted." Dave. It was a Red Dwarf, not a Red Gnome. Funnily enough, I wasn't thinking of that at the time. It is obviously somewhere in the ancient memory bank, but so is reading Minnie the Minx in The Beano. Her parents were remembering her first words, sat in her high chair. She said MMMMM. "Oh! look! She is going to say Mummy!" DDDDDDD. "No" he said, "it is going to be Daddy. MMMM. MORE DUMPLINGS!!!!!!!! I'm sure that was the intention of my id..... Bollocks yourself. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:51 AM >>Some words I do find offensive (one in particular), not because it is "swearing" but because it is offensively sexist. Tell it to my dyslexic friend Cnut who has been banned from more forums than I can remember. It's the problem of having parents with a passion for ancient history. Big beer drinker too. (Hence the question "Firkin, Cnut?") A friend of my wife had a young daughter who was playing upstairs when she heard what she thought was her daughter swearing inappropriately out of frustration. "What did you say?" she shouted upstairs "Don't worry mummy," her daughter called back innocently "I didn't say 'fuck' " |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 23 Apr 14 - 06:07 AM I'm thinking that this could be working I'm thinking of changing my Mudcat name to: THE RAPIST And spread more therapy amongst the fallen and the struggling. Perhaps a TV career (that's television not the getting cross about dressing thing) beckons - "The rapist'll fix it" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 23 Apr 14 - 06:17 AM I don't recall Kryton developing an oil leak as a result either. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 23 Apr 14 - 06:24 AM What do I have to say about that, Joe? I don't think there is anything wrong with having left over lasagna for breakfast. I wish there was more because, even straight from the fridge, this is deeeelicious! Anybody got a problem with that? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 23 Apr 14 - 06:29 AM left over lasagna for breakfast. ??? In the fridge ???? Yes I do have a problem with that! Bloody foreigners. What's wrong with good old English kebabs left congealing on the coffee table overnight or day old pizza found under the cushion of the settee? Bollocks DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 23 Apr 14 - 06:31 AM Oh my. Oh dear. That WAS a paltry attempt. Must be the lasagna and tea. Allow me to atone. AHEM! Fuck St. George! There. That should suffice on more than one level. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 23 Apr 14 - 06:40 AM Fuck St. George! He'd enjoy that. He was some sort of middle eastern poofter wasn't he? Bollocks. DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 23 Apr 14 - 06:43 AM Yeah, fuck him and all Turks for that matter. He'd never get a visa to live in England that St George bloke. My Granddad says they sell you dirty postcards in the bazaars too. Hanging's too good for them. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: johncharles Date: 23 Apr 14 - 07:14 AM I use elixir nanoweb guitar strings light .012-.053. john |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 23 Apr 14 - 07:19 AM I take it you are not an orangeman, gnu? :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: MGM·Lion Date: 23 Apr 14 - 08:43 AM Re the Billy Connolly quote above; I am trying to remember the source of one of my favourite quotations -- ==="Shut up," he explained.=== ~M~ |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: MGM·Lion Date: 23 Apr 14 - 08:45 AM Remembered -- it was the great Ring Lardner. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 23 Apr 14 - 08:50 AM I like that :-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 23 Apr 14 - 09:08 AM ?..the great Ring Larder Beetle? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: MGM·Lion Date: 23 Apr 14 - 09:12 AM Drift ~~ not really abusive; but I always associate that quote with Damon Runyon's, "She decares she will not associate with any man who makes his living from the demon rum ... Miss Clarabelle Cobb comes of very religious people back in Akron, Ohio, and she is taught from childhood that rum is a very terrible thing, and personally I think it is myself, except in cocktails"... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 23 Apr 14 - 09:24 AM Re swearing, (I've already posted this story on another thread, but it seems relevant here too!) My sister was on a small village bus in Perthshire, heading for Dundee. A very posh chap got on with a small girl. He told the wee lass to sit down, but she "No, stupid, I want to sit over there!" He admonished her with. "Don't say 'stupid' dear, it's very rude!" She replied loudly, "No Daddy, stupid's not very rude. FUCK is rude!" Passengers giggling all the way to Dundee! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 23 Apr 14 - 09:57 AM Ed... "I take it you are not an orangeman, gnu?" Correct, and, I bear no ill will to any even though I painted over the orange (bottom half) siding of my house a couple of weeks after I moved in. Guess what colour. Oddly enough, the Baptists next door made rude comments. The lady (?) of the house said that it was dreadful and that they would help me paint if I got some white paint. Fuck the Baptists. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 23 Apr 14 - 10:18 AM In a rather busy restaurant on holiday many years ago, my then six or seven year old youngest wouldn't eat something on his plate. I did the Dad thing and quietly but angrily through gritted teeth told him to stop showing us up and asked him why we won't eat it. "It tastes like runny poo!" Came the loud answer followed by tears. I started to imagine what could have happened next Dear social services, My son speaks from fantasy. At no point has he ever been in a position to our knowledge to have any idea as to the taste, texture or vitamin content of runny poo. Yours, Musket. Circa 1990..... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,# Date: 23 Apr 14 - 10:28 AM "Fuck the Baptists." Don't do so standing up. Someone might think you're dancing. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 23 Apr 14 - 10:45 AM I spray- tinted my hallween pumpkins green. Oliver Cromwell, old ironsides, was neither a considerate, nor tolerant fellow. He has no place in trying to post (from beyond) on this thread, to protest against the green movement - which he seems to mis-understand. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 23 Apr 14 - 10:47 AM 98 |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 23 Apr 14 - 10:53 AM ...the little green wheels are following... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Jim Carroll Date: 23 Apr 14 - 11:28 AM "Re swearing" A sweet little five-year-old girl living next to a building site would go off each morning and watch the men working, through the fence. One day, one of them spotted her, brought her on to the site and they clubbed together, bought her a little pink boiler suit, a safety helmet and a tiny spade and bucket gave her a heap of sand to dig in. At the end of the week, they presented her with a little envelope with £1 in it for her wages. When she took it home her mother said, "That's very nice dear, will you be working there next week?" She replied, "It all depends whether those gobshites at the builders Merchants make their delivery on time". Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 23 Apr 14 - 11:43 AM Wow! 100 posts already... faster than a speeding gun thread. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Jim Carroll Date: 23 Apr 14 - 12:19 PM Damn - 101 then Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 23 Apr 14 - 12:41 PM Do you feel we are perhaps being too nice to each other? Given the people conversing and your truly TERRIBLE reputations that I had heard about the wheels should have fallen off a whole fleet of buses by now and we should be in turmoil. I'll think on the way home as to how I can stir things up a bit. Gnu - You're a gnu, how do you do? by the way. I now have a vision of you and Joe Offer hand in hand which is even more curious than the previous one. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 23 Apr 14 - 01:19 PM Is he a Special Offer? Noddy got up feeling very happy. He danced along to Big Ears' toadstool house. On the way, he trilled, "Hello dear little birds! Good morning pretty little flowers! Hello dear Big Ears' garden gate! Nice to see you, Big Ears' darling doorknocker..." The door slowly opened and Big Ears' face appeared. "F*** off, Noddy!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 23 Apr 14 - 02:23 PM "Do you feel we are perhaps being too nice to each other?" Maybe, but we arent having mudcat sex yet....well, as far as I know. If it is occuring, I haven't been alerted or invited. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 23 Apr 14 - 02:43 PM Oh, Ed, you poor little innocent. Do you not realise that Mudcat IS sex to some. :D tG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 23 Apr 14 - 02:44 PM We've all been at it for ages, but sorry Ed, you're not nearly sufficiently well-endowed to take part. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 23 Apr 14 - 04:32 PM Could membership in the undercover encounters be reconsidered, if I apply for an extension? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Steve Shaw Date: 23 Apr 14 - 04:48 PM Do you not realise that Mudcat IS sex to some. Jesus Christ, Dave, is this an attempt to revive Betty Swollox...? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:15 PM Nah - I always preferred Lilo Lil. But don't tell Betty... :D |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:30 PM BTW - One of our mutual friends is not following the rules. On the 'boring' thread there is a very sinister line of abuse which reads .....your friends "wife" will be found and an apology will be forthcoming......be certain of that. Now, to my simple little mind, that is a threat, which is the worst form of abuse I have seen on here. Ever. I have not responded on there because on here I can refer to him as the knobhead who even puts wife in quotes. Which is, of course, perfectly permissible on this thread :-) DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Musket Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:37 PM Betty is still waiting for Steve to pay her for making the dripping butties with cucumber in vinegar. I can put a good word in for you with Back Entry Bertha if you want? Strap a plank across your arse, you'll be ok. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Steve Shaw Date: 23 Apr 14 - 05:54 PM Yebbut what about the escaped-bingo-balls-in-the-car-park fiasco, courtesy of Dave's soggy-bottomed cardboard ball-box, which meant that we had no Two Fat Ladies ball and a consequent near bloody lynching of us bingo organisers? Yeah, right, all bloody coming out now, innit! Yeah! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Joe Offer Date: 23 Apr 14 - 07:35 PM Now, this is the sort of discussion I like to see. Keep it up, ya motherfuckers. love, -Joe- |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Tattie Bogle Date: 23 Apr 14 - 09:24 PM But whatever happened to that other abuse thread of a few months ago, which was a 1000 times funnier than this one? Surely it should have been permanent then. I bust my sides laughing at it. Dear abused Joe, please find it again and roll it all into one great tirade of super-abusiveness. Gnu was particularly abusive and hilarious. I now have a sense of déjà vu: it's those effing frogs again, and don't you DARE say déjà VOO, it's vu as in VIEW ya numpties, or it means something totally different from what those effing froggies meant it to mean. Why don't you get some froggy education? Did I say I've just come back from France? Non? Mais merde! And glad to see at least one other bad girl getting into a bad boy thread here. Wey-hey Eliza! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Tattie Bogle Date: 23 Apr 14 - 09:33 PM Found the old thread, entitled "an insult thread" - started 21st June last year, died on 2nd July. This one's gotta be PERMANENT, remember ya daft nincompoops. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Musket Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:11 AM Belt up Joe! You lot might have the intelligence to keep some traditions such as beer and Shakespeare but you were never cultured enough to really accept bingo in the first place! Bloody colonies. Oy Shaw! Outside now! Betty was a sweet innocent wench until you got her tossing balls. I only hired her as an altar maiden but no, you have to initiate her into bingo didn't you? And another thing. Since you gave her the old patter, she has put a poster of that scouse git Gerrard on her bedroom wall. Allegedly. Err. So I have been told. Can I start this post again? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 24 Apr 14 - 03:27 AM Bingo? Bingo? What is this bingo? Housey-housey, please! Seven-and-six... Was she worth it? If her man has a soggy ball-box, does it matter? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 24 Apr 14 - 03:44 AM Hey! Good news Steve, you are now officially have minority status. This means we can abuse you, maginalise you and take away your human rights to our hearts content. The Daily Mail will start a campaign to stop illegal Cornish immigrants taking our jobs and I will have to update my sign to say "No dogs. No Romanians. No Cornishmen." You had best watch out on your trips up here to Gods own country. Make sure your visa is up to date and watch out for them blokes in white hoods :-) Bollocks! DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 24 Apr 14 - 04:07 AM They've always had minority status, it's just that there were never enough votes in Cornwall for any government to give a flying fuck. All bets are off now and Steve & co are being wooed by foreign Englishmen in suits claiming to have empathy and three months down payment rent on a cottage as close to The Tamar as they can get. I blame that Jethro. If it wasn't for him, they could have got on with designing six fingered flutes and sunglasses with three lenses, and no one would have been any the wiser. (Except in Norfolk, their chief export market for such goods.) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 05:00 AM I can't believe that someone could be so petty as to start a thread in the past with the sole intent of discrediting this one. What sort of person would do that? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 24 Apr 14 - 05:08 AM Doctor Who? Bollocks. DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 24 Apr 14 - 05:25 AM Musket, LOL! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 05:47 AM At a minimum, it should be semi-permanent. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 24 Apr 14 - 06:35 AM How would you do that? Other than with Viagra? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Steve Shaw Date: 24 Apr 14 - 06:55 AM Jethro's in UKIP now I believe. He's supposed to be Cornish but he's lived in Devon, England for donkeys' years. Twat. And Dave, try to not post links that force me to unintentionally stare at Call-me-Dave and SamCam at Polzeath with one of my favourite bloody walks in the whole world in the background! I was going to do it this weekend as well! B*ast*ard! Ruined it forever, you have! :-( |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 24 Apr 14 - 07:22 AM Pathetic. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Jim Carroll Date: 24 Apr 14 - 07:37 AM Wonder if anybody's been following the blossoming Nige the Farrago/LePenn love affair - where's Barbara Cartland when you need her? Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 07:45 AM I find his deputy Paul "Don't let anyone get a word on edgeways or I'll say let me finish" Nuttall even more of a laugh. His response to the question about Farrage's German secretary was very amusing He always sounds like a man who is just about to hit someone |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 08:44 AM What a handy place to keep something especially if you haven't got pockets or a bag... Twat with a gun |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 24 Apr 14 - 09:03 AM Good idea. It leaves her hands free to roll a spliff or renew her lipstick. Many of us ladies keep our guns there. We just make sure they aren't loaded of course. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 09:47 AM So, that's where the term DSO, possibly came from (dick shot off). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 10:35 AM ""Nothing in the world is permanent, and we're foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we're still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it. If change is of the essence of existence one would have thought it only sensible to make it the premise of our philosophy."" W. Somerset Maugham, The Razor's Edge, 1943 |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 10:40 AM Nice quote. He's not with us any more is he? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 10:58 AM While the issue of dealing with abuse is discussed before a mudcat parliamentary commission, a disclaimer is needed to limit liability of the mudcat .org. - to protect the tender minds if those who have been around mudcat for many years, but, could by chance enter an obviously wacky abusive thread topic, and unintentionally read materials posted by a named individual, or group, well known to get into arguments on such topics, and well known to post in a graphic manner comments that could disturb these innocents. Here is a draft declaimer to draw from: Mudcat abuse disclaimer |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Jim Carroll Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:12 AM "Nuttall even more of a laugh." God's gift to "Have I got News For You" - don't you just miss 'Spitting Image'? Certainly put's women in their place - bed or kitchen. Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:19 AM That's an excellent disclaimer and quite all-embracing but I was thinking of something shorter. Perhaps along the lines of Hesse in Steppenwolf - |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:27 AM I don't know Nick, IMO, the remains of the mudcat folk community have already, knowingly or not, abandoned all reasonable hope. I suggest the long-time missing ones should aptly be termed "the dearly departed". |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:31 AM I thought that one was Farage. But whether it's Godfrey Bloom or any of them it is an indication of institutional whateverism. I think I might start voting for them. If they got into power they would probably be much like the liberals and (rather sadly from my perspective, by their actions, cock up their chances of getting elected again for another century or two. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:37 AM After all - How much damage can a government do in a single term in power? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:38 AM I swear this is completely true:- I just now nipped out to our public library ten minutes away. Picked some good books and then decided to go on one of their computers, as our measly 0.3 mega thingies at home is so slow. Logged in my library number, got the computer going, typed in Mudcat and... the whole screen lit up with "ACCESS TO THIS SITE IS BARRED. REASON - PORNOGRAPHY, NOT IN ACCORDANCE WITH OUR POLICY OF DECENCY AND ACCEPTABILITY! I nearly had a fit. I read and re-read this enormous message in red, by which time the old gentleman sitting next to me was staring at it and me with a very odd look in his eye. I fetched the assistant and she too gave me an odd look. PORNOGRAPHY??????? I've been going to this library for over 30 years. She rang the Council dept and they said they'd installed a new system. I was croaking, "But it's a Folk Music and Traditions site, not PORNO!!" She said it would be rectified in 2 days. I crawled out of there red-faced and feeling like slitting my throat. I'm back home now and having a calming cup of tea. What was all that about eh? Why should Mudcat of all things be censored like that? Please somebody calm me down!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:52 AM Look on the bright side. Now that it has a filter, Akenaton can post his particular brand of obscene depravity without me shouting at the moderators. Not nice to read still, all the same. If I use the NHS laptop I have been provided with for accessing data that is safeguarding sensitive, that can't get Mudcat either. Methinks banjo has another meaning? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 11:59 AM Perhaps it was the girl and the gun? It was a Beatles Song wasn't it? Happiness is a warm gun (Oo dear, unless it was already a sort of pun on the word 'happiness' sounding a bit like a thingy - gone all coy all of a sudden - which I hadn't spotted before) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 24 Apr 14 - 12:03 PM It's something of a concern though that I can post a comment like 'How much damage can a government do...' and not have a response. Some possibilities come to mind - * Perhaps I have inadvertently created the most friendly, genteel, Spa-town tea dance sort of thread in my attempt to be abusive and controversial * Or perhaps it's just keeping the pillocks out? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:26 PM Genteel is too close to genital, and would likely be screened out, as porn? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Jim Carroll Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:37 PM "Please somebody calm me down!!!!" It's that Noddy joke of yours wot did it 'Liza Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Jim Carroll Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:40 PM Ask them if they have a copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover next time you go in Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:41 PM Be clam, and carry on |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:47 PM Todays random term from the Urban Dictionary: Fart Lapse The period of time it takes between the fart and the recognition of the fart, from another person. Useage:"Hoorah, today I got a record Fart Lapse of 21.54 seconds!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:53 PM What hurt more than anything was when I spoke to the assistant and said, "Obviously a very old lady like me who can hardly walk wouldn't be trying to access PORN!!" and she replied with a deadpan, unsmiling face, "Well....we don't know that do we?" What a cheek!! I'm still puzzling over it. It was the actual word Mudcat the computer wouldn't accept. Is there something I don't know? Is it a euphemism for something a bit rude? My poor husband's going to have to listen to all this when he gets home from work! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 01:58 PM I believe it can refer to a mixture of anal and traditional sex in the underground sexual culture, Eliza. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 24 Apr 14 - 02:33 PM LOL Ed! But one would need two willies for that! Husband has come home and taken refuge in the shower. It's no good asking him to explain it, he can hardly speak English as it is. The thing is, I daren't show my face at that library again. I can just hear them, "Ah! Here comes that weird old lady who watches porno!", while getting 'Fifty Shades Of Grey' ready for me to pick up. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Musket Date: 24 Apr 14 - 02:46 PM A certain greyhound not a million miles from where I sit has an average fart lapse that can be measured in milliseconds. His mongrel predecessor had a slight variation on fart lapse. If he stood up for no reason and left the room, it hit you as his arse flipped through the door. Still miss the mangy bugger. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 24 Apr 14 - 04:54 PM Whatever you do, Eliza, don't look up Penistone or Scunthorpe! DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Steve Shaw Date: 24 Apr 14 - 05:47 PM a mixture of anal and traditional sex Is there a difference? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 24 Apr 14 - 08:17 PM "Possible penalties for early withdrawal." No. As for the disclaimer "No alcohol, dogs or horses." No comment. Ditto "It's something of a concern though that I can post a comment like 'How much damage can a government do...' and not have a response." I apologize for not answering your question sooner but I had to ponder the fact that your entire question failed to address that fact that most "governments" do not "serve one term" but actually serve many because it is still the same government no matter what party gets elected >>> they all sleep in the bed of the rich and powerful. Droll shite I admit so let's get back to the OP. Amos and ART... it's snowing and blowing like a banshee here so FUCK YOUSE AND YER FUCKING SANDALS AND SWEATERS. If I was anywhere near either a youse, I'd shove a snowshoe up yer ass (google snowshoe and don't post that you never heard of such you pricks) and I wouldn't give two fucks from Tuesday who got the right one and who got the left one. If ANYone sees Old Man Winter, hold him down until I get there... I have more than one pair of snowshoes. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 24 Apr 14 - 08:41 PM "Is there a difference?" Well, yes, in most cases. Since pressed to be more to the point, I believe it involves switching orafaces, minus a clean-up. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 25 Apr 14 - 02:54 AM I have oral sex most of the time. It does mean just talking about sex doesn't it? :D tG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Jim Carroll Date: 25 Apr 14 - 02:59 AM "It does mean just talking about sex doesn't it?" If it doesn't, it means you are talking with your mouth full Jim Carroll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Musket musing Date: 25 Apr 14 - 03:27 AM I sympathise. I've been mistaken for a cunt myself. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 25 Apr 14 - 03:30 AM Hahaha Dave!! Or even Effin in County Limerick. I've decided to send a letter to Norfolk County Council complaining about not allowing Mudcat to be accessed in their libraries. It's discriminatory. After all, there's nothing rude or naughty on here. Just look at this thread for example......... er... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Tattie Bogle Date: 25 Apr 14 - 04:23 AM It's the org bit, stands for orgasm of course! That'll be why! Proves it's Porn. And how do you measure fart lapse when it's SBD? ( Silent but deadly). One of my colleagues was renowned for this: we only knew it was him as he'd look around trying to pin it on someone else. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 25 Apr 14 - 04:26 AM Next time you go to the library say, in a very loud voice, the county council are Norfolk and good at their job. I remember being quite shocked the first time I heard a girl make a sexual comment. We were talking about, of all people, Barry Manilow on whom she had a crush. Is that the right use of whom BTW? Anyway... Someone commented that she would not say no if Barry Manilow walked in with his dick hanging out. Quick as a flash she said "I would not say anything. It's rude to talk with your mouth full." :-) DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Musket Date: 25 Apr 14 - 05:14 AM All my dogs have been SBD. Except one who did the occasional trumpet. He jumped up and spun round looking for the source. Oh how we laughed, which is harder than it looks whilst pinching your nose. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 25 Apr 14 - 05:54 AM Surely Barry Manilow (beautifully described once as 'like looking at yourself in the back of a spoon') would have fallen over. If you are walking forwards and some one was to attach themselves to your member then, unless they are on heels or a trolley, it would be quite tricky to make forward progress. Except if your friend was very short and was competent at walking backwards smoothly. Goodness knows what would have happened to Barry if she'd bumped into something. Perhaps he wrote this in anticipation of the moment? If my memory serves me right he wrote - Oh Mandy You kissed me and stopped me from walking But I fell anyway. Oh, Mandy well, You gave and I came without talking I need you today *sigh* Ohhhhh Mandy |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 25 Apr 14 - 07:24 AM I dunno, gnu. I never tried sex on snowshoes. But, it's likely has been done before. (Get the drift:) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 25 Apr 14 - 07:32 AM I don't think it's "stopped me from walking", Nick. You have one letter wrong. Maybe it's "stopped me from wanking". That would make more sense :-) DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 25 Apr 14 - 08:54 AM But it wouldn't rhyme, Dave. Are you suggesting that he was absent mindedly wandering into a room forgetting that he was in the midst of a hand job and was promptly seized upon by 'Mandy' who took matters into her own hands (well, not hand exactly) I think we are getting dangerously close to libel. Probably well past in fact I still maintain that it is very difficult to perform said act on someone when they are walking forwards. Outside of it being a health and safety nightmare I think the danger of tripping over the person is enormously high. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 25 Apr 14 - 08:59 AM Adds a whole new light to "Wheel on the entertainment" :-) Wot's wrong wiv getting close to libel anyroads? I thought this was supposed to be abuse? Bollocks. DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 25 Apr 14 - 09:00 AM ...and you are not being abusive, Nick. Just a pedantic twat. MtheGM is supposed to be our resident pedant. Arse. D. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 25 Apr 14 - 05:15 PM I'm surprised that you haven't considered KFC |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 25 Apr 14 - 06:23 PM Scientific research published in the highly-respected Journal of the Organisation for Neurological Anthropolgy and Natural Trends in Interactional Cybernetics (ONANTIC), note a decline in right handed masturbation. The research gives the reason for this change, matches, and therefore may be directly caused by, the shift in commonly used sources of masturbatory stimuli from paper-based (magazines as Playboy and Penthouse) to directly online-accessed or downloaded images. The effect of this, the researchers say, is that, whereas in earlier decades the left hand was sufficiently nimble-fingered to turn the pages of a magazine, more recently the right hand has in most cases become entirely occupied with manipulating the (usually by default right-hand-oriented) computer mouse. The result of this is that the left is then required to manipulate the organ. a href="http://valuesaustralia.com/blog/right-handed-masturbation-decline/">decline in self abuse |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 25 Apr 14 - 06:26 PM Sorrh, the link was not properly linked,, as my left hand was occupied. decline in right hand abuse |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Musket Date: 26 Apr 14 - 01:36 AM Known affectionately by medics as bicep differential. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 26 Apr 14 - 04:12 AM This thread is beginning to turn into a discussion of the alleged crew of the Black Pig. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: selby Date: 26 Apr 14 - 07:33 AM Just goes to show how wrong I have been all these years thinking you are a RIGHT set of W****** Keith |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 26 Apr 14 - 08:44 AM I write with my right hand so I use a mouse with my left hand. Never did make sense to me why anyone would do otherwise. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 26 Apr 14 - 12:51 PM Why would you think we were a right set of walkers, Keith? I enjoy a stroll up to Lund's Tower of a weekend but I dunno about the others. DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: selby Date: 27 Apr 14 - 03:55 AM The term I was referring to is the high levels of personal exercise that revolve around the community,usually in the privacy of peoples own abode although I do understand that some people, do like the outdoor approach. Keith |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 27 Apr 14 - 04:08 AM Ah, gotcha. Winking. :-) DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Tattie Bogle Date: 28 Apr 14 - 08:52 PM Hey, c'mon guys, you've gone and let this become unpermanent and fall off the below-the-belt threads. Just as well I bookmarked it but then the sodding elfs went and cut off my cookies again. Yours painfully and disgusted in Edinburgh. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 29 Apr 14 - 03:01 AM Alright Tattie, I've decided to insult you thoroughly (only in fun, I hasten to add!!) as you're in Edinburgh. I'll be landing in Edinburgh in late August to visit my bossy sister who lives in a village near Perth. I'm going to have to practise my best Miss Jean Brodie accent (with which I spoke beautifully in the early sixties, but it's rather rusty now.) And say "Hen" and "Wee". And disguise my Englishness from the fierce Scots who are as we speak plotting independence. I'll have to avert my eyes as numerous men in silly woolly skirts walk about showing their hairy legs with skin doo-dahs stuck down their socks. And step over the drunks on the pavement while on my way to some Festival events. I'll have to listen to my nieces in their snobby Edinburgh accents being anti-English. (One of them works in Harvey Nicholls, so she's got a cheek!) And have my ears blasted with pipe music from all directions on the Royal Mile and jump out of my skin as The Gun fires at 1 o'clock. Bloody Scots!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 29 Apr 14 - 03:22 AM Edinburgh cake shop joke. Is that a sponge cake or a meringue? Aye, it is a sponge cake and your nae wrang. DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 29 Apr 14 - 03:34 AM Hahahahaha Dave!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 29 Apr 14 - 09:31 AM "I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille. I used to rub the dirty parts." Bananas, 1971, Woody Allen |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 29 Apr 14 - 10:56 AM I once learned British Sign Language (only to Stage 1) and there are some very funny and explicit rude signs for various naughty stuff. The deaf helpers on the course would sign away to each other at the speed of knots, then fold up giggling. They were a really nobby lot! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 29 Apr 14 - 05:01 PM I lived and taught in Bruntsfield, which was nearly as posh as Morningside. So you're 'a bit o' rough' are you Musket? I've bought a special 'Scottish' nightie for my trip up there. It's full-length thick winceyette - I remember only too well the daft Scots' idea of 'summer'! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 29 Apr 14 - 09:47 PM Summertime... when the livin is sleazy. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 30 Apr 14 - 02:45 AM LOL gnu! More like '...when the living is breezy' ! Musket, I watched an old Mock The Week last night and Frankie Boyle was explaining Glasgow congeniality, "Ye're a stupid c***. But that's okay. I like stupid c****!" They had to bleep out the word. but you could lipread. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,McMusket Date: 30 Apr 14 - 08:43 AM We are experiencing the Scottish summer right now. I have rented an old cottage on the coast in the East Neuk of Fife. It's no longer foggy. The rain dissolved it.... One wet greyhound and his parents after a long walk on the beach and now in a pub on the harbour with a pint and haggis neeps & tatties. Still. Walking in The Cairngorms next week. Ice and frost apparently.. Serves me right for moaning of being hot in Thailand last year. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 30 Apr 14 - 09:08 AM Ted Edwards - Probably mid 70's "Supper time, and the liver is greasy" :D |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 30 Apr 14 - 09:12 AM >>Serves me right for moaning of being hot in Thailand last year. Oo. You're not one of those lady boys are you? There are quite a lot of hot ones there but you don't usually hear them complain. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 30 Apr 14 - 09:13 AM Anagram time - Farage - Newark Farage - Wanker |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 30 Apr 14 - 09:13 AM BTW - I have lost the plot. Is this a permanent thread for permanent abuse, a permanent thread for temporary abuse or a temporary thread for permanent abuse? Or is it just for taking the piss? DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 30 Apr 14 - 10:02 AM It is not, "underscore not", a place to take a piss. piss pot pete |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 30 Apr 14 - 11:55 AM I can easily believe it, McMusket. That's why I shall be relying on my trusty Scottish nightie to prevent hypothermia in bed. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 30 Apr 14 - 12:19 PM Speakin a yer Scots... 30 seconds in. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 30 Apr 14 - 01:43 PM Hah! 200! Just watched the weather forecast. Today it was 6C in Edinburgh and 20C in London. I rest my case your honour. All Scots have very hairy legs. I know my sister has. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Larry the Radio Guy Date: 30 Apr 14 - 01:50 PM This is, so far, the politest thread I've ever seen below the line. So I guess the solution to the 'nastiness' problem on mudcat is to give everybody permission to be rude and abusive........and then all those oppositional types will be nice. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 30 Apr 14 - 04:10 PM Larry, it seems odd, but a few posts were taken down early on, as a mod did not seem to understand that folks could insult each other on a humourous-friendly thread. :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 30 Apr 14 - 04:13 PM Mr O'Musket, hairy legs could come in handy when wearing a kilt in the old country. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,McMusket Date: 30 Apr 14 - 04:34 PM O'Musket? Bleedin' satnav. Explains the weather anyway. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 30 Apr 14 - 05:07 PM Whatcher mean not got the hang of verbally abusing people? You, sir, are a cad and a bounder. How about that then? :D |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 30 Apr 14 - 06:17 PM LtRG... knock that shit off. You complain about people being nice and haven't got the balls to piss further than that? Oh... wait... I misinterpreted... sorry. Please accept my apology. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 30 Apr 14 - 06:57 PM "God invented liquor so the Irish wouldn't rule the world." The Ghost and the Darkness (1996) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Larry the Radio Guy Date: 30 Apr 14 - 07:41 PM Forgiven, I guess, gnu. I don't know how to do otherwise. Maybe you rude folks could teach me. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 30 Apr 14 - 07:48 PM "LtRG." What type of sexual act is that? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 01 May 14 - 03:06 AM Speaking of the weather, we're due to have a blasted night frost tomorrow. We've just put all our tubs and hanging baskets out and I'll have to nip round like a fool covering them with wheelie binbags. I blame UKIP. It's Farage. He's secretly lowering the temperature somehow, to reduce the feelgood factor and make us hate Cameron. Wish I had hairy legs now like my sister in Scotland. And our oil is nearly finished. I'm not buying any more at £300 for 500L. I bet all these unwanted immigrants are running the oil companies. And most of them are gay. Bastards! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST Date: 01 May 14 - 06:05 AM EdT The current line about Farrage not wanting to stand for Newark is because he'd be giving his political friends the gift of the anagram. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 01 May 14 - 06:08 AM Eliza - I am most impressed. Have you been on the advanced bigotry course? :D |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 01 May 14 - 08:00 AM I suspect that this thread will be preserved as historically important, orcould possibly have a fate as "the droit de prélassement". |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 01 May 14 - 12:49 PM Dave, I RUN the Advanced Bigotry Course. £50 for 5 lessons. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 01 May 14 - 05:08 PM 50 cud? Pffft! Anyone stunnedasmearse ta pay that can come up with 100 fer one session. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 01 May 14 - 05:13 PM You're offering me £100 for a Bigotry lesson gnu? Done! (And you have been, sir!) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 01 May 14 - 05:35 PM I think we could be onto something here, Eliza. I feel a business opportunity coming on. Mind you, I can't see anyone here supporting it. Yes, well, of course, this is just the sort blinkered philistine pig ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome, spotty behinds squeezing blackheads, not caring a tinker's cuss about the struggling artist. YOU EXCREMENT! You lousy hypocritical whining toadies with your lousy colour TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs and your bleeding masonic handshakes! You wouldn't let me join, would you, you blackballing bastards. Well I wouldn't become a freemason now if you went down on your lousy, stinking, purulent knees and begged me. (Courtesy Monty Python) :D tG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 01 May 14 - 05:45 PM What's yer point? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 01 May 14 - 05:45 PM The Urban Dictionary Bigotry: The way a US citizen from the South distinguishes between sizes of trees. Earl: "That tree shure is a biggin'." Bubba: "Rat, but that one ova there is an even bigotry!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 02 May 14 - 03:20 AM "Is this a sixpenny argument or a shilling one?" We could actually charge people to have a jolly good argument. For racism, homophobia and character assassination it would of course be £10. And if one wanted to assert that all gays are contaminated with HIV, and should be tested weekly, we could demand £100. A sliding scale would be useful, or a type of Argument Menu. On Mudcat BS, one could make a million in only a few weeks. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 02 May 14 - 03:21 AM No need for the last two lines, Ed. On this side of the Atlantic we understand implied humour :-P DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 02 May 14 - 12:43 PM Sorry, I dont live in "the states", suspecting you mean the US of A. The Urban dictionary should not be confused with collection of jokes , such as the UK "Carry On" movies may be seen by some, (and help understanding the humour may be needed, indeed). It is an online dictionary (somewhat like Wikki) where the public can submit urban words/terms. Like a dictionary, the word use is most often supplied, to assist those looking up the words (may of those, I suspect, don't know the exact meaning, or use- and may benefit from the addition). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 02 May 14 - 02:45 PM My favourite joke for a long time was - Two pink elephants and a yellow hippopotamus walk into a pub at ten past six in the evening and the barman says "He's not in yet, lads" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 02 May 14 - 06:11 PM I am doing my damndest to abuse you, Ed, and what do you do? Respond with something I don't even understand. What sort of nonsense do you think people can get away with on Mudcat? :D |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 02 May 14 - 07:59 PM "You are here for my abusement?" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 02 May 14 - 08:45 PM ""Oh John, let's not park here. Oh John, let's not park. Oh John, let's not. Oh John, let's. Oh John. Oh!" |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 02 May 14 - 08:57 PM What a lame and sorry crew that rows this scow of tripe. Youse put together could not abuse a fly on a cold day when it was not fit to flit. Shame. Shame I say. I roll up my newspaper and swat you all. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 03 May 14 - 02:52 AM gnu, that was delightfully poetic. I've never read abuse like it, elegant and vivid. Well done! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 03 May 14 - 04:08 AM No it wasn't. It was shite. (2 abuses for the price of 1 - Bargain :-) ) DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 03 May 14 - 04:14 AM About as eloquent as a bucket of lard. Or a bloody clog dancer for that matter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 03 May 14 - 08:06 AM Ye lot are about as eloquent as a bloody clog dancer in a bucket of lard for that matter. Reuse-recycle. Do it for the children. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 03 May 14 - 08:11 AM May youd arteries be clogged with lard, you pig skin eater. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,McMusket Date: 03 May 14 - 08:35 AM Pork scratching don't seem too abundant up here. Deep fried haggis seems popular though. Stopped for a breather at summit of Cairngorm itself. Bloody good signal on phone, much faster internet than at home. Bastard BT. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 03 May 14 - 02:02 PM Why lash out at Breakfast Television? You got somethin against brekky? or television? If so, turn the damn bacon. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 03 May 14 - 02:48 PM Scratching your pork? Whatever gets you through the night, I guess. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,McMusket Date: 04 May 14 - 02:52 AM Salty as well, full of protein. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 04 May 14 - 03:17 PM ""Unless you're gulping gallons of it each day, it's no substitute for real nutritious cuisine! It may be a good idea to keep in mind safer sex practices when considering whether or not to swallow."" nutritional value |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST Date: 04 May 14 - 04:06 PM If you call someone a "fag" in England, are you calling him a cigarette? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Guest from Sanity Date: 04 May 14 - 04:06 PM McMusket: "Salty as well, full of protein." Salty??....Hmm...you must have tried it. GfS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,McMusket Date: 04 May 14 - 05:10 PM Sone of us are capable of finding a willing partner Goofus. Woof! "What's that boy ?" Woof! No you can't play that game with Goofus. In any case, you have been done, so Goofus would end up with salt deficiency. Not to mention lack of protein. The good professor is a Jaffa. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 05 May 14 - 09:43 AM I think a certain amount of self abuse is taking place! Permanent self abuse would not only be difficult and messy but also embarrassing if done in public. Mind you, some have done it on here for years. DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 05 May 14 - 09:59 AM You forgot to zip up your fly, dtg. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 05 May 14 - 10:03 AM Don't have flies. I use a ripcord... :D |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 05 May 14 - 11:04 AM Velcro is popular, and foolproof. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 05 May 14 - 11:06 AM Beware of using velcro near the unmanaged bikini line. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 05 May 14 - 02:26 PM What is a 'McMusket'? A Cat'lic Musket? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 05 May 14 - 03:32 PM Note it is "not" McCasket. That guy was on onevof the dead threads:) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 05 May 14 - 04:23 PM Perhaps he meant McBisket. As in Crackers. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Munro bagging Musket Date: 06 May 14 - 03:08 AM The Mc denotes status. Still enjoying a holiday in Scotland. Lots of shortbread biscuit though Eliza. It seems to crumble to dust in the rucksack though. I keep looking for a woman with hairy legs but to no avail. Are you sure she is still up here? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 06 May 14 - 03:57 AM She certainly is, Musket, but not, I think, up a Mungo. Better watch out, as the Polis won't relish your gazing at ladies' legs, especially if your explanation is that you're looking for 'hairy ones'. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 06 May 14 - 04:04 AM By the way, isn't shortbread ghastly? Like dusty bricks. My sister keeps sending me tins of the wretched stuff. (Straight to the village coffee morning as raffle prizes, chosen last.) How can the Scots like shortbread and Black Bun and deep-fried dog poo etc? The only two things up there worth eating are haggis (if you don't go into the ingredients) and mutton pies. Their faces are pasty white covered in spots from lack of fruit and veg. and any sunshine. Dreadful, dreadful place. And I've got to go to Edinburgh in late August. But at least I've got my trusty winceyette full-length nightie, as I DON'T have hairy legs! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 06 May 14 - 04:27 AM If you are looking at a pair of hairy legs in a skirt while walking up a Scottish mountain, how can you tell if you are looking at a woman or a man? (Insulting to both Scotsmen and women once - I'm getting good that this!) :D tG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,McMusket Date: 06 May 14 - 05:05 AM Easy Dave. You look for the mouth constantly opening and closing. Yeah I'm no big fan of dry shortbread. Mrs Musket bakes a nice one though, cut from a roll and fairly moist as shortbread goes. I love haggis. The scotch pie less so but wouldn't reach over one to get at the lettuce. We like to spend our evenings in nice restaurants when up here. A bit of an expense but the rest of the holiday is rather cheap. We are staying in Speyside and some of the concoctions featuring local salmon are worth the journey. Angus steak has veins of fat running through it so even the fillet has lots of taste. Last week we were in a Fife fishing village for a few days. The local samphire with a knob of butter.... The Munro bagging isn't really a reason to be here. It's just the only way to stop me ballooning. (Had a bowl of stovies the other lunchtime. So simple, so good and despite being Scottish, not a deep fat fryer in site.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 06 May 14 - 08:00 AM Dave, the way to tell is to look for a bristly beard and reddish moustache, That will be the woman. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 06 May 14 - 02:01 PM All well and good, Eliza, but as you are tramping up a Cairngorm with only a view from the bum down of who is front of you, where should the bristly beard and reddish moustache be? DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 06 May 14 - 02:36 PM hahahahahaha!!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,McMusket Date: 07 May 14 - 03:45 AM Last Saturday it was Cairngorm itself. Saw a few clockwise haggis. I know Ben McDuie has anti clockwise haggis but not sure what happens if they meet and breed ? Today, despite the less than favourable weather, we are driving out to Fort William as Mrs Musket hasn't walked up Ben Nevis before. If it is siling it down when we get there we shan't but looking forward to it all the same. (The only man in a kilt I have seen this holiday was a French bloke on a stag do in St Andrews.) Is co Messiah S reading this ? As it's an abuse thread, ha! ha! no title in Scouseville! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Tattie Bogle Date: 07 May 14 - 04:20 AM Oh Eliza, if you thought you'd got away with abusing me on 29th April, and my home city, then think again. I have been away abusing music at a Festival and the alleged wi-fi didn't work, so further abuse to BT, Virginmedia or BSkyB, whoever is responsible for not connecting. The noble judge of the Folk Band competition further abused us by saying our version of Bad Moon Rising was positively the worst he'd ever heard. I shall put it on YouTube so that you can add your abuse to his. Even more abuse to the effing seagulls who shat all over my car! So you are coming to Embra in August, Eliza. I was going to say please, but that would be too polite, but anyway, do make contact by permanent abuse message, then we can meet to abuse each other face-to- face. You'll know me by my Royal Stewart tartan winceyette nightie and hairy legs . Come to think of it, we'll look no more odd than the many random sights one can see during Festival Fringe . |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Tattie Bogle Date: 07 May 14 - 04:22 AM Oh, and McMusket, it's going to be horrible on Ben Nevis. Watch out for the precipiss. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 07 May 14 - 04:55 AM It's ok. I'll piss in some gore. We haven't set off yet. (We are staying in Kingussie) and waiting to see if the weather report alters. If we can't begin going up by 12.00 we shan't. And there is a 40 mile drive first. The easy path is the choice, (I once pushed a pushchair up it!) but all the same, the weather can turn. If it is low cloud then fine. If the summit doesn't break cloud cover then no. It is wonderful to be at a summit looking down into clouds. You must have a well marked path down though, GPS or no. Anyway, setting off in 10 mins regardless.. if it is crap, then carry on up the great glen and a bit of shopping in Inverness. There is a Rohan shop I recall. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 07 May 14 - 09:21 AM Ah, but Tattie, have you got the aforementioned bristly beard and moustache (ignore that pervert Dave, he obviously has a 'thing' about hairy stuff) I'd love a tartan winceyette nightie; mine is merely a feeble affair in white with flowers. I remember Embra in the sixties/ seventies cos I lived there, and worked as an auxiliary nurse during the Uni summer vacation, wiping bums in the Royal Infirmary. Went to lots of Festival and Fringe events. I was a bizarre sight myself in long hippy clothes, thick plaits with scarves woven in and a Red Indian-style band round my head with a plastic flower stuck in, thick black mascara and white lipstick. What a picture eh? But then, "Ai was in mai praim." Can't imagine why that daft McThingy wants to go climbing up mountains in chilly mists and doing Munros etc. He's totally bonkers IMO. Stay at sea-level and go shopping Musket. Shopping is nice. Shopping is interesting. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 07 May 14 - 12:38 PM "Haggis is a savoury pudding containing sheep's pluck (heart, liver and lungs); minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally encased in the animal's stomach and simmered for approximately three hours." = abuse. Yech! Mcs are Cat'lic. Macs are protestant. Micmacs is a derogatory mispronunciation of Mi'kmaq.. I have spoken, all my relations. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Tattie Bogle Date: 07 May 14 - 01:07 PM No beard or moustache thankfully for one of my gender! Ooh Eliza, yer a proper hippie! I was dahn in Lunnon when you wis up here in Embra. Did my share of same unmentionables during my "holidays" too! Oh but this is an abuse thread, so yes, clearing up shit. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 07 May 14 - 01:15 PM Gnu - I was going to ask how you can speak to all your relations when you don't even know who your father is. But I decided that was too much abuse, even for an abuse thread. So I didn't say it. :D tG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 07 May 14 - 01:50 PM Managed both Eliza! We didn't climb the big jobby but bagged a Corbett along the way. The clouds lifted and wow... Because it's there. Then into Inverness and bought a new raincoat in Rohan. Mrs Musket also bought some bits and so the shopping urge was sated too. Back now and about to jump (hobble) into the shower before going out for a meal tonight. Gnus don't understand haggis. Possibly a bit too genetically close for comfort? The meat from an anti clockwise haggis is supposed to be the best but if you bake clockwise for long enough, it has a more mature flavour. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,McMusket Date: 07 May 14 - 05:16 PM This thread is supposed to be about abuse. Yet in order to be successful , Keith , Goofus or their pet worm would have to post in my name. Self abuse and all that.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 07 May 14 - 07:09 PM Ronald McDonald serves only catholic burgers? Well, isn't that a "kick in the McNuggets" for the protestant burger eaters. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 07 May 14 - 07:13 PM McMusk |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Nick Date: 07 May 14 - 07:46 PM Kingussie - that brings back some lovely memories. When my elder son was young my wife and I went and stayed (on a recommendation - how wrong they were!) in a terrible place near Elgin. Apart from the disappointment of finding that the village that Local Hero was filmed in has no beach (because it's on the west coast), the place and food was just grimmm. We made our apologies and left after a day and headed back to the Aviemore area and found, by chance, a place to stay in Kingussie. It was right at the end of the season and we were the only people staying in the Guest House and it soon became like staying with friends. Having a 2 year old with us we didn't/couldn't go out which gave the guest house owners the chance to go out! They were wonderfully relaxed and dug out a selection of videos to watch and they went out for the evening telling us to help ourselves to things and having asked us to take a note of anyone who phoned or wanted to stay. So we popped on Fawlty Towers and had a wonderfully relaxed time in comfortable and friendly surroundings. And the food was brilliant - if vast in quantity. Enjoyable golf course too which I played with the guest house owner as he was not over taxed with visitors. And Glen Nevis at the back end of the year on a beautiful sharp autumn with all the autumnal colours is just gorgeous. Happy memories. We'll be heading north to Arran in a few weeks for a relax and some music and looking forward to it. (Normal abuse may be resumed at some point) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,McMusket Date: 08 May 14 - 02:47 AM Aye. A nice place in itself and very convenient for The Cairngorms, Great Glen etc. Sadly we go back home tomorrow. Had two weeks of huge enjoyment up here, walking, drinking, eating and visiting friends. I thought it best to come up before we need to fill out complicated visas to get in. "Have you ever taken the piss out of Lord Protector Salmond?" "Have you ever used Scottish coronary heart disease figures to scare English NHS commissioners into action?" "Have you ever done an after dinner speech in Edinburgh where you recited Monty Python's Horace Poem and commented on the probability of deep fried battered After Eight Mints?" Yeah, could be my last visit if lunacy prevails. I might have to be smuggled in for The RMS dinner in November. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 08 May 14 - 04:05 AM This thread has become far too congenial, interesting and friendly. If this goes on I shall have to consider leaving Mudcat, as I'm very very offended by all the pleasantness, fascinating accounts and civil remarks. Disgusting. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 08 May 14 - 04:33 AM Being pleasant is disgusting. Threatening a Dutch Oven is disgusting.. No pleasing some bloody women.... Obviously comments about Scotland aren't offensive. I must try McHarder. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 08 May 14 - 07:14 PM I plead guilty. I was actually 'nice' and helpful earlier on some posts. I apologize profusely. But, the fact is, nobody has attacked my character or those of my fellow Mudcatters (except for the usual suspects and none of us could give a rat's ass about their ages old spat... incessantly blathering "NO. You are a twit." (Fuck me to no end eh?)) So. Here we are. Called out. Bring some game or sit on the bench. Come on you fuckin pussies! Put up or shut up! Either you have what it takes to be a champion of just or unjust as your case may be or you just fuck off. BTW... I fried celery prior to adding chopped up roast beef, spuds, turnip and carrots. Thought I'd give it a go to see if it was okay in a hash. It sucks. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 08 May 14 - 08:01 PM Putting chopped up celery in a hash pipe. Early signs of dementia, I suspect. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 08 May 14 - 08:12 PM Hash pipe? What are U smokin? I haven't had a toke in over 30 years. I do my hash in an iron fryin pan... NOT in a pipe. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Dave the Gnome Date: 12 May 14 - 11:26 AM 4 f***ing days without even attempting any abuse! Just shows how crap mudcat is becoming. The posters are all wnakers (Well, have you seen how they spell gun) apart from me, and the mods are off their rockers. There, I feel much better now... DtG |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 12 May 14 - 11:42 AM It's been terrible having to hold it all in for so long. If I don't insult someone soon I shall burst. Who mentioned celery? Ghastly stuff, leaves great long strands hanging out between whatever teeth one has left. And those silly little pale green leaves in the middle. Raw it's bad enough, but cooked...GROO!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 12 May 14 - 06:20 PM Celery, the most celebrated of aphrodisiacs.* When I were a lad..... My Mum used to boil the leaves of what we called Indian Dolphin, strain it and make us drink the juice. Indian Dolphin, which is, I found later in life, lovage, or fool's celery is not nice at all. It put me off celery for life. It remains the one food I will pick out of a stew and leave, even when it has lost its taste. *Use it as a splint. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 12 May 14 - 07:12 PM A splint? How would a splint work on a flaccid penis? Are you fuckin nuts? Minds me, I got celery in the fridge that needs to be washed, cut and placed in salted water. BEFORE the hockey game. Thanks. GO HABS GO! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Musket Date: 13 May 14 - 03:20 AM No hope for you if you can't get it up. Your biological usefulness to the gnu species is at an end. I suppose in forty years or so I may need a splint to KEEP it up, (different thing entirely ) but for those this side of the pond , there is an old saying from where I come from in Derbyshire. I'd rather live in Hope than die in Clay Cross. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Keith A of Hertford Date: 13 May 14 - 12:52 PM No, it was you lying. A while ago now, but you chose to bring it up again. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 13 May 14 - 02:29 PM Generic abuse no? As for personal spats, fuck of with that shite. They don't belong on any thread. Having said that, I understand one must defend one's self against such abuse but that often gets threads closed and some people banned. Been there, done that. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Keith A of Hertford Date: 13 May 14 - 06:10 PM If you do not want to be called "liar" do not post such ludicrously false stories. There were no Muslim school children chopped up and fed to pigs in Nigeria or anywhere else. There is no such thing as "The Council Of Mosques" and the quote you claimed to have downloaded from their non-existent site could not be found by Google anywhere except in your post. If you tell obvious lies expect to be called out, and if you can not make a case without lying, what is your case worth? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 13 May 14 - 09:03 PM gnightgnu |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 14 May 14 - 07:59 AM Is tnis youth abuse? :) ""Denmark's voting turnout for the 2009 EU elections was around 60 percent. Which isn't half bad—turnout for the 2012 US presidential elections was 57.5 percent—but still, there's always room for improvement. In an attempt to boost this year's numbers, Denmark's parliament opted to combat youthful voting apathy by giving the kids what they love—a raging steroid freak who decapitates hipsters and literally punches women into voting booths."" "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 14 May 14 - 09:09 AM Take your pick over how many councils of mosques there are, but I digress. Repeating an account of an aid worker on the radio makes me a liar too, it seems. Although Amnesty International have made the claim too, so we liars are a growing breed. Tell me Keith. Is it right to take money out of the collecting plate rather than put it in? As you have no proof about your bible stories, does that make you a liar to be deluded? Not nice is it? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Keith A of Hertford Date: 14 May 14 - 11:13 AM Amnesty have not made such a claim. You could have said you misheard the report or your memory played tricks. An honest mistake. Instead you choose to compound the lie with another. Keep going. Tell us how you know that Amnesty claimed it. Will you share a link with us? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Keith A of Hertford Date: 14 May 14 - 11:18 AM Did you mean this? http://www.amnesty.org/en/news/nigeria-children-slaughtered-schools-under-siege-2013-10-03 |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 14 May 14 - 01:29 PM Now this is more like it, real abuse by the bucketload. I'm much happier now that I can read nastiness, insults and bile. Well done everyone! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 14 May 14 - 01:35 PM No |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 14 May 14 - 07:09 PM "The increase in wisdom can be measured precisely by the decrease in bile. " Friedrich Neitzsche |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Keith A of Hertford Date: 15 May 14 - 02:12 AM Musket, you posted your claim just 2 months after that Amnesty report, and you said the incident was not recent, so it should have been referred to in that report. It is not because it never happened. A sick and despicable lie. Not abuse but a statement of fact. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Musket Date: 15 May 14 - 03:23 AM Keith dresses in women's clothes whilst robbing pensioners. zzzzzzz |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 15 May 14 - 12:03 PM Robs pensioners? I suppose. Many are slow so the getaway is easier. Slim pickins, though. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Musket Date: 15 May 14 - 02:18 PM Pickings even. He's already nicked your G. Ok Nu? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Tattie Bogle Date: 15 May 14 - 09:27 PM Well I'm a pensioner but don't you dare come robbing me! I can still run fast in that tartan winceyette nightdress long enough to cover my hairy legs. And let me abuse that effing bank that can't keep appointments. Oh yes, I'm totally angry, on the warpath, ready to hurl any insult you like at anyone who says they can't see us because they're on holiday/in a meeting/can't be ersed. No idea what the last few days' posts are about, but sounds a load of abusive excrement to me. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Musket Date: 16 May 14 - 03:17 AM I would change to Lloyds then Tattie. Not so much keep appointments as not be available for them at all if a yes vote. Their AGM, hosted by Edinburgh probably means they will be able to drag William Wallace to London behind their horse and cart as they up sticks. It is abusive excrement. That's the point. Men in skirts. It'll never catch on. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST Date: 16 May 14 - 04:28 PM I only put this here because it's an abuse thread. 10 million nutcases How many people protested in Washington today? Singwringer and who else? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: akenaton Date: 16 May 14 - 06:43 PM Hi Tattie, what are you doing among these weirdos? Yer legs didnae look aw that hairy the last time ah saw ye....it wis jist efftir the clippin right enuff! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: GUEST,Eliza Date: 17 May 14 - 03:30 AM Akenaton, hahahahha!!! Must say that to my sister when I see her, she'll shriek! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: keberoxu Date: 05 Aug 16 - 03:43 PM Madame Senoufou! You were in rare form here. What an amusing thread. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Senoufou Date: 05 Aug 16 - 06:51 PM Heavens keberoxu, over two years ago! Seems like only last week. I've been laughing my head off re-reading this thread. It's a real classic! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Donuel Date: 05 Aug 16 - 08:30 PM Ah the good ol days. Keboroxu, you are getting better at this. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Rapparee Date: 05 Aug 16 - 08:59 PM You harpies and open-arsed surly pedants! You weak threads, you puny whisperers, crack-hemps, three inch fools and tired jades! You are a lewd mix of simpering strumpets and sneaking servants, naught but a rabble of vile confederates, a herd of boils and plagues, some quantity of barren spectators and base contagious miasmas of infected buboes! You light of brains, you fat-guts, you Judases and each thrice worse than Judas, you knot of mouth-friends, of dogs easily won to fawn on any man, noisome weeds that need plucking and burning! You counterfeit heroes, jealous of villains worse than yourselves, you dwellers in sewers, envious of the multitudes of your betters because of your poverty of wit! A pox of wrinkles catch you and hang as pestilence around your necks! (Is that enough abuse?) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: gnu Date: 05 Aug 16 - 09:37 PM No. Now, piss off! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Rapparee Date: 06 Aug 16 - 01:19 AM All right. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Senoufou Date: 06 Aug 16 - 03:29 AM 'Noisome weeds that need plucking and burning..' sounds like my garden at the moment. The blasted things are going mad, what with the unusual warm weather and a bit of rain. I reckon you've earned the prize for your Shakespearian insults Rap. That was a magnificent display of erudite, eloquent and poetic abuse. I can only admire and envy. Keberoxu did well to resurrect this thread. I feel an irresistible urge to insult someone roundly. I'm not even going to Scotland this year, so can't jeer at the hairy-legged Scots. Who would like to be the butt of my evil tongue-lashing eh? Form an orderly queue please... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Senoufou Date: 06 Aug 16 - 04:25 AM My snobby sister reads the Times newspaper (God!) but just occasionally she sends me some funny stuff. They had a list of expressions of foreign origin with definitions. Here are a couple:- inuendo - an Italian suppository magnum opus - a large Irish cat |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Georgiansilver Date: 06 Aug 16 - 06:19 AM Innuendo is great. A really beautiful woman asked me for an example of innuendo yesterday, so I gave her one! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Senoufou Date: 06 Aug 16 - 07:14 AM Haha Georgian! If I read the Times like my sister,I might be able to spell innuendo correctly. |
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Subject: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: keberoxu Date: 06 Aug 16 - 05:11 PM My reason for reviving this thread is to post what was written by someone two hundred years ago, actually. See, Thomas Moore wrote a song that did not yet have its own Mudcat thread. So I started the thread, posted the song, and continued the thread with posts of parodies of the song. Which led to a lyric by the Rev. John Graham in defense of The Smiling Potatoes: Sweet roots of Erin! we can't do without them / Poor Corporal Cobbett knows nothing about them... (to be sung to the tune of Dear Creatures, We Can't Live Without Them) Cobbett? Who he? William Cobbett was unknown to me. A search of Mudcat threads will reveal that Cobbett and his "Rural Rides" are sacrosanct to more than one Mudcat member; good enough. But of course, not much help with the potato question. Therefore I had to find out where Cobbett stood with regard to potatoes, and so help me, I'm sorry I ever asked. It's bad enough how he feels about potatoes: that to feed them to pigs is an insult to the pig, never mind human consumption. But Cobbett's anti-potato rants, published and archived all these years, drag in his other pet peeves. That's the what of it: the how of it, his method of getting the feelings off his chest, reminds me of nothing so much as some of the Mudcat threads in the BS section. In my next thread, some Cobbett quotes. I think this thread is a fitting home for them. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Steve Shaw Date: 06 Aug 16 - 05:22 PM Rapparee neglected to call us blocks, stones and worse then senseless things (remembered from 'O' Level Eng Lit, JMB, 1967, Julius Caesar). |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Donuel Date: 06 Aug 16 - 07:10 PM Oh Mr. Block you were born by mistake you take the cake, you make me ache Tie a rock on your block and jump into the lake please do it for Hillary's sake Oh Mr. Block you're just a big fake you're far from great, you're way too late You are a twit for a tweet you're so easy to bait So go and have a sinister fate. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: keberoxu Date: 06 Aug 16 - 07:14 PM William Cobbett: "To the Editor of the Agricultural Magazine. On the Subject of Potatoes." 1815. Quotes. It has become, of late years, the fashion to extol the virtues of potatoes, as it has been to admire the writings of Milton and Shakespear....it is the sacrificing of reason to fashion....it is to fashion that the potatoe owes its general cultivation and use. If you ask me, whether fashion can possibly make a nation prefer one sort of diet to another, I ask you what it is that can make a nation admire Shakespear? What is it that can make them call him a "Divine Bard," nine-tenths of whose works are made up of such trash as no decent man, now-a-days, would not be ashamed, and even afraid, to put his name to? What can make an audience in London sit and hear, and even applaud, under the name of Shakespear, what they would hoot off the stage in a moment, if it came forth in any other name?....What can make them endure a ghost cap-à-pie, a prince who, for justice sake, pursues his uncle and his mother, and who stabs and old gentleman in sport, and cries out 'dead for a ducat! Dead' ? What can they find to 'delight' them in punning clowns, in ranting heroes, in sorcerers, ghosts, witches, fairies, monsters, soothsayers, dreamers; in incidents out of nature, in scenes most unnecessarily bloody? ...But, it is the same all through the work. I know of one other, and only one other, book so obscene as this; and if I were to judge from the high favour in which these two books seem to stand, I should conclude, that wild and improbable fiction, bad principles of morality and politics, obscurity in meaning, bombastical language, forced jokes, puns, and smut, were fitted to the minds of the people.... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: keberoxu Date: 06 Aug 16 - 07:29 PM William Cobbett: from Chapter VII: Potatoes, in Part II, A Year's Residence in the United States of America The previous post gives excerpts only from the potato letter from 1815. In this 1822 book, Cobbett reprints the potato letter in its entirety, and continues: Now, observe, I never received any answer to this. Much abuse. New torrents of abuse; and, in language still more venomous than the former; for now the Milton and Shakespear men, the critical Parsons, took up the pen; and when you have an angry Priest for adversary, it is not the common viper, but the rattlesnake, that you have to guard against. ....I beg to be understood as saying nothing against the cultivation of potatoes in any place, or near any place where there are people willing to consume them at half a dollar a bushel, when wheat is two dollars a bushel. If any one will buy dirt to eat, and if one can get dirt to him with more profit than one can get wheat to him, let us supply him with dirt by all means. It is his taste to eat dirt; and, if his taste have nothing immoral in it, let him, in the name of all that is ridiculous, follow his taste.... Nor do I say, that it is filthy to eat potatoes. I do not ridicule the using of them as sauce. What I laugh at is, the idea of the use of them being a saving.... As food for cattle, sheep, or hogs, this is the worst of all the green and root crops; but, of this, I have said enough before; and therefore, I now dismiss the Potatoe with the hope, that I shall never again have to write the word, or see the thing. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Greg F. Date: 06 Aug 16 - 08:17 PM I think Joel Hägglund would approve, Donuel. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Rapparee Date: 06 Aug 16 - 08:48 PM Good ol' Alex Pope: Let Sporus tremble—"What? that thing of silk, Sporus, that mere white curd of ass's milk? Satire or sense, alas! can Sporus feel? Who breaks a butterfly upon a wheel?" Yet let me flap this bug with gilded wings, This painted child of dirt that stinks and stings; Whose buzz the witty and the fair annoys, Yet wit ne'er tastes, and beauty ne'r enjoys, So well-bred spaniels civilly delight In mumbling of the game they dare not bite. Eternal smiles his emptiness betray, As shallow streams run dimpling all the way. Whether in florid impotence he speaks, And, as the prompter breathes, the puppet squeaks; Or at the ear of Eve, familiar toad, Half froth, half venom, spits himself abroad, In puns, or politics, or tales, or lies, Or spite, or smut, or rhymes, or blasphemies. His wit all see-saw, between that and this , Now high, now low, now Master up, now Miss, And he himself one vile antithesis. Amphibious thing! that acting either part, The trifling head, or the corrupted heart, Fop at the toilet, flatt'rer at the board, Now trips a lady, and now struts a lord. Eve's tempter thus the rabbins have express'd, A cherub's face, a reptile all the rest; Beauty that shocks you, parts that none will trust, Wit that can creep, and pride that licks the dust. Not fortune's worshipper, nor fashion's fool, Not lucre's madman, nor ambition's tool, Not proud, nor servile, be one poet's praise, That, if he pleas'd, he pleas'd by manly ways; That flatt'ry, even to kings, he held a shame, And thought a lie in verse or prose the same: That not in fancy's maze he wander'd long, But stoop'd to truth, and moraliz'd his song: That not for fame, but virtue's better end, He stood the furious foe, the timid friend, The damning critic, half-approving wit, The coxcomb hit, or fearing to be hit; Laugh'd at the loss of friends he never had, The dull, the proud, the wicked, and the mad; The distant threats of vengeance on his head, The blow unfelt, the tear he never shed; The tale reviv'd, the lie so oft o'erthrown; Th' imputed trash, and dulness not his own; The morals blacken'd when the writings 'scape; The libell'd person, and the pictur'd shape; Abuse, on all he lov'd, or lov'd him, spread, A friend in exile, or a father, dead; The whisper, that to greatness still too near, Perhaps, yet vibrates on his sovereign's ear:— Welcome for thee, fair Virtue! all the past: For thee, fair Virtue! welcome ev'n the last! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Ed T Date: 06 Aug 16 - 09:02 PM Seasonally appropriate, ice cream abuse |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Donuel Date: 07 Aug 16 - 10:02 AM Greg since you knew and understood that, I suspect you know a lot. I do not agree with some of your pov, but I admit I am impressed. Donuel |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: Greg F. Date: 07 Aug 16 - 10:14 AM I do not agree with some of your pov Small wonder... ;>) but I admit I am impressed. You shouldn't be, but thanks anyway! Best, Greg |
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Subject: RE: BS: Can we have a Permanent abuse thread From: keberoxu Date: 12 Aug 16 - 12:45 PM More from William Cobbett, about "Paradise Lost." "All this, and indeed, the whole of Milton's poem, is such barbarous trash, so outrageously offensive to reason and to common sense, that one is naturally led to wonder how it can have been tolerated by a people, amongst whom astronomy, navigation and chemistry are understood. But, it is the fashion to turn up the eyes, when 'Paradise Lost' is mentioned; and if you fail herein, you want taste; you want judgment even, if you do not admire this absurd and ridiculous stuff, when, if one of your relations were to write a letter in the same strain, you would send him to a mad-house and take his estate. It is the sacrificing of reason to fashion." from "On the Subject of Potatoes", Cobbett's Political Register, Vol 29 |
