Lyr Req: You Should Read Your Gideon Bible

Subject: Lyr Req: You Should Read Your Gideon Bible
From: GUEST,Mike Turner
Date: 05 Jul 14 - 11:10 AM

I'm looking for lyric forsomeold Bob Schmertz songs. I used to sing with his son Jack and hae heard Bob sing several times. 'You AShould Read Your Gideon bible' and 'Sinner Ain't Got No Parking Place' are two that I'd love to learn.

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Subject: ADD: Gideon Bible (Robert W. Schmertz)
From: Joe Offer
Date: 05 Jul 14 - 12:52 PM

GIDEON BIBLE
(Robert W. Schmertz)

When the shades of night are falling
And you're in a small hotel,
If you hear temptation calling
Do not phone or ring the bell.
While the shades of night still darken
Do not think of girls and booze,
To your conscience you should harken
And this will help you choose:

CHORUS:
You should read your Gideon Bible,
You should read your Gideon Bible,
Read Genesis and Exodus and Chronicles and Kings.
Deuteronomy and Numbers
Will lead you to your slumbers
And Matthew, Mark and Luke and John
Will fold you in their wings.

You should read how Father Adam
And our Mother Eve were bored.
They bit the serpent's apple
Antagonized the Lord.
So he drove them from the Garden
Of Eden in disgrace
And that is how they started
Our crazy human race!

You should read how Captain Joshua
Blew the horn at Jericho.
Those walls of sin came tumbling in -
His soul was white as snow.
You should read how little David
Slew Goliath with a rock:
He didn't use a slingshot -
It was wrapped up in a sock!

You should read how Brothers Shadrach,
Meshach and Abednego
Came through the fiery furnace
With just a rosy glow.
You should read how Brother Daniel
Was thrown in the lion's den:
When he said he was Kiwanis
They threw him out again!

You should read how young Delilah
Barbered poor old Samson's hair;
He used to be a hippy
But now he's just a square.
You should read how young Salome
Fin'lly dropped her seventh veil:
She'd been wearing a Bikini
And parts of her were pale!

You should read how Father Noah
Parked the ark on Ararat.
He lowered away the gangway
And then he hollered "Scat!"
You should read how Brother Jonah
Did nauseate the whale
For Jonah came from Harvard
And the whale, he came from Yale!

You should read how Father Moses
On Sinai found the word,
He found the Ten Commandments
Dictated by the Lord.
And when you read those "Shalt Nots"
And think of what they said,
Just close your Gideon Bible
And stagger off to bed!

Source: A Picture Book of Songs, by Robert W. Schmertz (1976)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Should Read Your Gideon Bible
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 05 Jul 14 - 12:52 PM

WorldCat.org lists a songbook called A Picture Book of Songs & Ballads composed and illustrated by Robert Schmertz. One of the songs in it is:

YOU SHOULD READ YOUR GIDEON BIBLE

Clicking the link might help you find a copy in a library near you.

This article in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette from Feb 20, 1973, mentions a song by the same singer called SINNER YOU WON'T FIND PARKING SPACE.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Should Read Your Gideon Bible
From: Joe Offer
Date: 05 Jul 14 - 01:00 PM

One should be able to find "Sinner You Won't Find Parking Space" through the link to the song here (click), but the link is dead. Maybe somebody else can find the song by exploring deeper into the archive of the Website.

I did find this fragment:

You didn't do right the other night-

You drove right through a big red light-

You crumpled a fender, cursed and swore-

And old Saint Peter's up there keeping score.

Sinner, you won't find parking space,

parking space, parking space

Sinner, you won't find parking space

in the great white city of the Lord.

Source: http://yorktown.library.pitt.edu/libraries/is/enroom/story/story.htm

-Joe-

---

I don't know how long this image (click) will be available at eBay, but it's worth a click. The auction ends July 8, 2014 - why not buy the record and transcribe it for us?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Should Read Your Gideon Bible
From: GUEST,#
Date: 05 Jul 14 - 06:52 PM

Note that the song is entitled Parking Space on the cover of the 7" record that's on eBay.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Should Read Your Gideon Bible
From: Jack Blandiver
Date: 06 Jul 14 - 07:28 AM

When Rapunzel & Sedayne are 'on the road' we fulfil our duties to the seamier side of our pagan wyrdfolk lifestyle by throwing Gideon Bibles out of hotel windows. Assuming Travelodges pass for hotels...

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Should Read Your Gideon Bible
From: leeneia
Date: 07 Dec 16 - 10:08 AM

I once checked out a Gideon "bible." It contained the Psalms and the 4 gospels. None of the stories mentioned in Schmertz's song would be there.

In the front it had versions of John 3:16 set in typography from all over the world. It was a revelation to me to see how many beautiful and exotic systems of lettering there are in this world.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Should Read Your Gideon Bible
From: Joe Offer
Date: 08 Dec 16 - 03:18 AM

Gee, most Gideon Bibles I've seen were the whole shebang. They once distributed the King James Version exclusively. Recently, I had noticed a newer translation. I spent 76 days traveling the last three months, and I stayed in lots of hotels. I have to admit that I never once found a Bible in any of those hotel rooms. Most likely they were there, but I didn't notice.
Can't say I'd have any reason to dislike the Gideons for leaving their Bibles in the drawer. They don't seem to do any harm.
-Joe-

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Should Read Your Gideon Bible
From: GUEST,Mark Bluemel
Date: 08 Dec 16 - 08:30 AM

Is it the Marriot chain that also provides a copy of the "Book of Mormon"?

Update: Yes -
See here

I'm also reminded of Marvin O. Bagman - See here, for example

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Should Read Your Gideon Bible
From: OldNicKilby
Date: 08 Dec 16 - 08:42 AM

Only just before you use it as toilet paper

Subject: Lyr Add: GIDEON'S BIBLE (Brandon Jenkins)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 09 Dec 16 - 06:16 PM

GIDEON'S BIBLE
As recorded by Brandon Jenkins on "Live at the Blue Door" (2000)

1. Well I been on this road for such a long time,
And I do my best not to lose my head,
'Cause ev'rywhere I go looks like the last place I've been:
Four walls, a TV, and a bed.

CHORUS: So I just roll a joint on Gideon's Bible,
Have my own Holy Ghost revival,
Talkin' in tongues an' dancin' till the dawn.
This hotel room's just like a shrine.
You got your church an' I got mine.
Say a prayer for me; I got to be movin' on.

2. Now don't get me wrong; I love to travel.
Sometimes I start to feel alone.
But when I do, I've got a sure-fire remedy.
Well, I just reach into that drawer underneath the phone.

And I ... CHORUS

INSTRUMENTAL BREAK

LAST CHORUS: Well, let's all roll a joint on Gideon's Bible,
Have our own Holy Ghost revival,
Talkin' in tongues, dancin' till the dawn.
This hotel room's just like a shrine.
You got your church an' I got mine.
Say a prayer for me; I got to be movin' on.
Say a prayer for me; I got to be movin' on.
Say a prayer for me; I got to be movin' on.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Should Read Your Gideon Bible
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 09 Dec 16 - 07:24 PM

I have spent many an hour reading, and appreciation of the motel Bible. The book of Salt Lake is frequently by its side.

If the Quran or Bagvadgheda were available....I would have read them too. And I have.

WiFi appears to be universally available.
Personal copies of sacred structures are free for the download.

I always keep a re-freshed copy of sacred scripts when traveling through various cultures.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle

Schengen Agreement

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Should Read Your Gideon Bible
From: Joe Offer
Date: 09 Dec 16 - 08:05 PM

One would think that Bible paper would be very good for rolling joints. It's thin, and very high quality.

I've often seen the Bhagavad Gita in hotels, Garg. It is interesting reading.

-Joe-

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Should Read Your Gideon Bible
From: GUEST,pauperback
Date: 10 Dec 16 - 02:22 AM

It may have seemed clever at one time to deface Holy Scriptures for pleasure, but probably not anymore. Books printed with India Paper are scared: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/India_paper, and growing in value.

Motel Gideon's use thicker paper, thought the early Gideon vest-pocket versions used a higher quality paper, and some are quite nice.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: You Should Read Your Gideon Bible
From: GUEST,pauperback
Date: 10 Dec 16 - 03:13 AM

"Books printed with India Paper are scared" (and scarce).