Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)

Subject: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Sarah-HS
Date: 03 Dec 99 - 04:05 PM

Y' know the song, My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean? Well, I know some nutty verses, but wondered if I'm missing any? Does anyone know other nutty verses besides the ones below?

My Bonnie has tuberculosis
My Bonnie has only one lung
My Bonnie can cough up raw oysters
And roll 'em around on her tongue

CHORUS: Bring back, bring back,
Oh bring back my Bonnie to me, to me
Bring back, bring back,
Oh bring back my Bonnie to me.

My grandma sells cheap prophylactics
She punctures the head with a pin
And grandpa gets rich from abortions..
Oh, Gawd, how the money rolls in

My Bonnie leaned over the gas tank
The height of the contents to see
I lighted a match to assist her
Oh bring back my Bonnie to me.

My breakfast lies over the ocean
My dinner lies over the rail
My supper is in a commotion
Will someone please bring me a pail

ANY OTHERS?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Metchosin
Date: 03 Dec 99 - 04:35 PM

Oh come up
Come up
Come up my dinner
Come up Come up etc
.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Metchosin
Date: 03 Dec 99 - 04:52 PM

Variant of one of the above lines:
My stomach is in a commotion
I want to lean over the rail
But I don't want to dirty the ocean
So somebody bring me a pail.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Midchuck
Date: 03 Dec 99 - 05:27 PM

In a more bluegrassy setting, you can work any of those verses into "Roll in my Sweet Baby's Arms."

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Wullie
Date: 03 Dec 99 - 05:36 PM

my bonnie lies over the ocean
my bonnie lies over the sea
my father lay over my mother
and that's how my mother got me

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: doug
Date: 03 Dec 99 - 06:35 PM

my bonnie has tuberculosis,
my bonnie has only one lung,
she coughs up the bloody corruption,
then saves it and sells it for gum.

dentine, dentine

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 03 Dec 99 - 07:50 PM

I have heard so many version of my Bonnie lies over this guy and that guy. It left me exhausted just thinking about it.

BB

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Terry Allan Hall
Date: 03 Dec 99 - 08:07 PM

Who knows what we had for breakfast?
Who knows what we had for tea?
Who knows what we had for luncheon?
Just look in the dumper and see

Clams, clams, clams, clams
Clams and ice cream don't agree with me (2x)

(Old Boy Scout sing-along stuff!)

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Barbara
Date: 04 Dec 99 - 03:30 AM

Last night as I lay on my pillow
Last night as I lay on my bed
I slept with my feet out the window
In the morning the neighbors were dead

Blessings,
Barbara

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 04 Dec 99 - 04:04 AM

My body lice soda devotion,
May Booney Lifesaver D. C.,
McBoniface Rover commotion,
O, brickbat Mahoney for me.

As sung by Churchy LaFemme, the turtle in Walt Kelly's immortal Pogo comic strip.

--seed

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Musicman
Date: 04 Dec 99 - 12:38 PM

My bonnie went down to the cow shed,
A pail in her hand had she.
But the cow and the mule had switched places,
Oh bring back my bonnie to me!!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 04 Dec 99 - 01:10 PM

Ha! REAL folksong!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: raredance
Date: 11 Dec 99 - 11:16 AM

Here's an expansion on one above that already involves a very rapid expansion.

Oh Zekey looked into the gas tank,
The contents of which for to see
He lit a match to assist him
Oh bring back my Zekey to me

Now Zekey had long curly tresses
And sideburns that went to his chin
And eyebrows that met in the middle
But now they are nothing but skin.

His nose was a prominent Roman
His eyes and his teeth all in place
But the force of the gas tank's explosion
Pushed 'em all to the back of his face..

rich r

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: raredance
Date: 11 Dec 99 - 11:25 AM

For the pet monger among ye, this one was a hit with fourth graders.


A duck is an excellent swimmer
A monkey' both clever and shrewd
A dog loves to bring you your slippers
A cat only comes when there's food.

CHORUS: Yuck! Cats! Yuck! Cats!
Don't try to give one to me, to me
Yuck! Cats! Yuck! Cats!
Don't try to give one to me.

Birds chirp and twitter for hours
Rabbits make cuddly pets
Snakes can even be playful
But cats like to play hard to get.

Donkeys are known to be stubborn
But cats are much worse, you'll agree
Try leading a cat to the water
It's easier to part the Red Sea.

Cat lovers say. "Cats are so loving,
So diligent, loyal and true."
But cats just know how to be sneaky
Ignore folks, chase mice, and go "Mew".

So cat owners don't boast and brag so
That kitties are cute and high-class
To you cats are trusted companions
To me they're a pain in the ...


rich r

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: raredance
Date: 11 Dec 99 - 11:42 AM

Some people fly over the ocean
Some people fly over the sea
But I always have had the notion
I'd like to have land under me.

My Bonnie is one of the sweetest
She has a bright spot on her nose
She powders her face evey minute
But her nose gets the most, I suppose.

Last night as I lay on my pillow
Last night as I lay on my bed
Last night as I lay on my pillow
I dreamed that my Bonnie was dead.

My Bonnie's a peach-bloom complexion
Her face it was lovely to see
One day she got caught in a rainstorm
O bring back her beauty to me.

My Bonnie lies under the auto
My Bonnie lies under the car
O please send somebody to help her
For it's lonesome out here where I are.

And the church group version of the Money Rolls In.

My mother's an apple-pie maker
My father he fiddles for tin
My sister scrubs floors for a livin'
O boys, how the money rolls in.


Source: "Parodology, Songs for Fun and Fellowship" by E. O Harbin, Cokesbury Press, 1927.


rich r

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Terry Allan Hall
Date: 12 Dec 99 - 11:16 AM

Rich R-

Your cat-parody went over like gang-busters at last night's restaurant gig! (I always work a few "kiddie-songs" into each set>)

Just wanted to thank you.

Terry

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Roger the skiffler
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 11:49 AM

...and to the same tune:
My sister sells kisses to sailors
My granny makes bootlegger gin
My [forgotten the rest of the misbegotten family!]
My word how the money rolls in
RtS

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: AnTirKitten
Date: 13 Dec 99 - 12:00 PM

in the Black Book of Locksley (Ioseph of Locksley is a very very famous SCA bard) there are ooodles of verses for "My God how the money rolls in". The whole thing can be downloaded at here If this doesn't work, his main page address is here

Cat

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Charley Noble
Date: 19 Jan 08 - 10:59 PM

Refresh for Maxine

Told you it was here!

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Melissa
Date: 19 Jan 08 - 11:12 PM

My bonny has got a prosthesis
My bonny has only one leg
Mt bonny (forgotten words here
and here.....) peg

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: GUEST,Max
Date: 20 Jan 08 - 06:07 PM

This was my protest song when I found out that there was a statue of Jesus in the John Pennecamp Coral Reef State Park which is a clear violation of the separation of church and state.

O Jesus is under the ocean
O Jesus is under the sea
Please raise him and stop your imposing
Of your Christianity.

Raise him up, raise him up
Raise Jesus from under the sea, the sea
Raise him up, raise him up
Raise Jesus from under the sea.

He's down in the Coral Reef State Park
Right next to the Florida Keys
Let's give him a new resurrection
And raise him from under the sea.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 21 Jan 08 - 01:02 AM

My Granny climbed up on the springboard;
My Granny's a high-diving fool;
She aimed to splash down in the water,
But someone had emptied the pool.


Seamus

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Genie
Date: 21 Jan 08 - 04:52 AM

My bunnie lies under the cream sauce,
My bunnie lies there in the stew,
My hubby thought we needed protein.
O what's a poor vegan to do?

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: GUEST,strad
Date: 21 Jan 08 - 05:44 AM

With a chorus of:

My one skin hangs down to my two skin,
My two skin hangs down to my three,
My three skin hangs down to my foreskin,
My foreskin hangs down to my knee
Roll back, roll back,
Oh roll back my foreskin for me, for me,
Roll back, roll back,
Oh roll back my foreskin for me.

Excellent opportunities for harmonies in this chorus.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: GUEST,Suffolk Miracle
Date: 21 Jan 08 - 08:14 AM

Early Union song:

The bosses from over the ocean
The bosses from over the sea
The bosses from over the ocean
Have taken my money from me.
Bring back bring back oh bring back my money to me etc.

Last night as I lay on my pillow
Last night as I lay on my bed
Last night as I lay on my pillow
I dreamed that the bastards were dead.

Also a final verse for the TB song, which seems to have been split up around the thread:

My body has tuberculosis
And if it should happen to you
Don't waste it all over the pavement
Save some to flavour the stew

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: EBarnacle
Date: 21 Jan 08 - 08:23 AM

My Anna lies over the ocean,
My Anna lies over the sea;
My Anna lies under a sailor,
Oh, bring back my Anna to me!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Schantieman
Date: 21 Jan 08 - 11:50 AM

My granny has tuberculosis
My granny has only one lung
but Granny won't die of her illness
'Cos tomorrow she's going to be hung.

S

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: GUEST,Rat
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 10:44 AM

My sister has tuberculosis
my sister has only one lung
she coughs and spits blood in a bucket
and dries it and sells it for gum

dentine, dentine, dentine's the gum for you to chew
dentine, dentine, dentine's the gum for you!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Steve Gardham
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 05:22 PM

My father's a lavat'ry cleaner
He works hard from morning till night
And when he comes home in the evening
He's covered all over in....
             Sweet violets, sweeter than the roses,
             Covered all over from head to toe
             In sweet violets.

2 songs for the price of one.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: GUEST,TJ in San Diego
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 06:55 PM

King James version:

Thy sister lies over the ocean,
Thy brother lies over the sea,
Thy father lies over thy mother,
And that's how they created thee.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Genie
Date: 15 Jan 10 - 08:34 PM

My body expands far too quickly
My belly's a sight for to see!
The one that's to blame is my boyfriend.
I should not have opened my knees!

Bring back, bring back,
Oh bring back my virginity to me.
Bring back, oh heck,
Just bring back my waistline to me!

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 17 Jan 10 - 02:03 PM

I have found catalog information for the following copyrighted song. The British Library has the sheet music, but not online:


HOW THE MONEY ROLLS IN
Words, Jean C. Havez. Music, Ted S. Barron.
New York: Metropolis Music Co, 1913.

First line of text: You ought to see me in the morning
First line of chorus: My mother's a fancy dressmaker

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: GUEST,Bob G
Date: 21 Jan 11 - 05:53 PM

My sister has tuberculosis
She has it quite bad in one lung
She spits up a bloody commotion
And twirls it around on her thumb

Don't spit, stretch it
And twirl it around on your thumb

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 21 Jan 11 - 08:51 PM

Variant on Guest,Strad's version.

My one skin lies over my two skin
My two skin lies over my three
My three skin lies over my foreskin
Oh pull back my foreskin for me.

Subject: RE: Lyr Req: My Bonnie (funny stuff)
From: GUEST,Gerry
Date: 25 Aug 12 - 12:10 AM

My analyze over the ocean/
My analyze over the sea/
My analyze over the ocean/
Oh bring back my anatomy.