Lyr Add: Songs recorded by Bert Williams

Subject: Lyr Add: IN MY OLD HOME (IN DIXIE LAND)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 13 Feb 16 - 10:25 AM

From the sheet music at Baylor University:


IN MY OLD HOME (IN DIXIE LAND)
"From Williams & Walker's musical comedy success, 'Bandana Land.'"
Words by "Mord" Allen; music by Tom Lemonier, ©1908.

1. You ask a real darkey what's the dearest place on earth,
What's nearest to perfection in his mind,
Where is the sum of happiness, contentment and of mirth,
That with the world to chose from he can find—
He'll never choose the Rockies with their canyons and their snows,
Nor It'ly with its sunny skies so blue,
Nor bonnie braes of Scotland where the mountain daisy grows,
But this is what he'll always answer you:

CHORUS: In my old home in Dixie land,
In my own home, to me it's grand.
I can't help what you think of it.
There's no place else on earth so fit
As my old home in Dixie land.

2. You ask him what of comfort can the South hold out to him,
With all the things that go to vex him there;
You tell him of the Philippines where life's not half so grim,
And Cuba with its balmy southern air;
But nothing can impress him, though you pick the wide world o'er,
Can bring the look of gladness to his eyes,
And you'll know his heart is loyal unto Dixie ever more,
When you speak of comfort and he thus replies: CHORUS

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs recorded by Bert Williams
From: cnd
Date: 10 Feb 16 - 10:27 PM

Minor corrections to the last one:

It may be "And any one of the quintet could just eat --eat just for their little lives."

Not entirely sure on that one, but I'm pretty sure the other two go:

"Then I certainly would have bought some wood softer than what we have—perfumed oaks."

Then, "Now the Austrians and the French can duck in a trench, and get off the firin' line,

Subject: Lyr Add: NO PLACE LIKE HOME (Ring Lardner)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Feb 16 - 03:23 PM

You can hear this at The Internet Archive:


NO PLACE LIKE HOME
Words and music by Ring Lardner
As recorded by Bert Williams, 1917.

My wife claims that all her folks comes from fighting stock,
And now they're payin' us a endless visit at our 'partment in the mega-block:
Three brothers-in-law, one sister-in-law, one mother-in-law—that's five,
And any one of the quintet could just eat … alive.
They start callin' names when they first get up; that's 'long about two p. m.,
And though I'm strictly neutral, it makes no difference to them.

Now home, home sweet home, that's where the real war is.
'Bout the only peace that I ever see
Is a piece of the furniture flyin' towards me.
They say there's lots of bloodshed in the land across the foam,
But Europe never was so slaughterous as right at my home.

If I'd 'a' knowed that my furniture was gon' be munitions for my wife's folks,
Then I certainly would have bought some wood softer than what we have—a few oaks(?).
Now the ostrich(?) and the French can duck in a trench, and get off the firin' line,
But even our four-dollar davenport is too small for me to hide behind.
My wife is a pacific; she says: "Cut it out, or somebody's gon' get hurt."
And I say: "Yes, madam, I am with thee, and that somebody's first name is Bert."

Now, home sweet home; that's where the real war is.
I know a submarine can't come up on land,
But I gets torpedoed any place I stand.
A man's bound to get missed sometime, in Belgium, France, or Rome,
But for real sharpshooters with your own bric-a-brac, aw, come on around to my home.

Subject: Lyr Add: PRETTY DESDAMONE (F. Collis Wildman)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 29 Jan 16 - 07:58 PM

Lyrics below are from the sheet music at Duke University. You can hear a recording of Bert Williams & George Walker singing this at The Internet Archive.


PRETTY DESDAMONE
"As successfully sung by Williams & Walker...."
Words and music by F. Collis Wildman. ©1905.

1. I wonder all the day
If I'm right when I say,
A little girl whom I love is my own.
I've had a lot of pals.
I've liked a lot of gals,
But she's the one alone,
For whom my love I've shown.
She just sets my heart a-twitching,
When with her eyes bewitching,
She looks at me as if to say she's mine.
Perhaps I stand no chance.
Maybe I'm in a trance,
But I can't help from telling her each time:

CHORUS: Pretty Desdamone,
I want you for my own.
Never more I'll roam away from you.
Your eyes so captivating,
Keep me standing here awaiting,
'Cause I want you for my own, Sweet Desdamone.

2. It seems almost too good,
To think she ever would
Be mine alone for now and evermore,
But ain't there plenty gals,
For all my other pals?
Now why can't ev'ry boy,
Leave me with my own joy?
My poor brain 'bout her is raving.
For her my heart is craving.
You all know what it is to be that way.
I can't tell how I feel.
My love for her's so real.
That's why I always say to her each day: CHORUS

Subject: Lyr Add: SAVE A LITTLE DRAM FOR ME
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 28 Jan 16 - 09:33 PM

The lyrics below are from the sheet music at Johns Hopkins University (Levy Collection). You can hear Bert Williams' recording of this song at The Internet Archive.


SAVE A LITTLE DRAM FOR ME
Words & Music by Will. E. Skidmore and Marshall Walker. ©1920.

1. In the middle of his sermon, Parson Johnson rose and started sniffin' the air.
A familiar smell was ticklin' up the parson's nose; it told him gin was 'round somewhere.
He closed his Bible gently in the middle of the psalm,
And started figur'n' ment'ly where that smell was comin' from.
His eye scanned ev'ry pew
And then he did declare:
"I 'nounce this meetin' through
Until you kick in with my share.

CHORUS: "Oh, brethren, if you wants more preachin',
Save a little dram for me. (Glory hallelujah!)
Drinkin' gin ain't against my teachin'.
Treat me with equality.
{Now from that smell it's plain to see,
Somebody here is holdin' out on me,}*
So brethren, if you wants more preachin',
Save a little dram for me.

2. "When they passed that bone-dry law, I was the very first to say it never would stay.
Neither did I think the law could regulate our thirst; that's why I got none stored away.
Now since prohibition's got us, drinks are few and far between.
Of all the stingy brothers, you're the worst I ever seen.
I insists on my share.
Don't say it's all run out,
Or else you'll go to where
That bad place I been preachin' 'bout. CHORUS TWICE

* [On second and third chorus substitute:]
2. I've shared your joy and shared your sin.
You bet your life I's gwine to share your gin.
3. Just slip me mine; one shot's enough.
I'll show you how a preacher struts his stuff.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE MISSISSIPPI STOKER (Earle C. Jones)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 24 Jan 16 - 10:08 PM

Lyrics below are from the sheet music at Duke University. You can hear a recording of Bert Williams singing it at The Internet Archive


THE MISSISSIPPI STOKER
Words and music by Earle C. Jones. ©1907.

1. I'm a stoker on the river packet called the "Nancy Lee,"
And I'm just about the hardest coon you'll find in Tennessee.
In my younger days I used to want to sail upon a ship,
But I never got no further than the muddy Mississipp'.
All my people liked the water, but they took it "on the side,"
And my Uncle Hezekiah used to go upon a "tide."
Once he went into a tavern just to get a strong cigar,
And unloaded forty "schooners" that were standing at the "bar."

CHORUS 1: Oh, oh, when the paddles turn,
Oh, oh, then I always yearn
For the dear old days when I went clear off my dip,
And became a steamer stoker on the muddy Mississipp'.

2. Once my brother threw a poker deck into the kitchen fire,
'Cause I said that he was cheating, and he was an awful liar,
But I grabbed them out and stamped 'em till I had the blaze in check.
That is why I'm called the "Boy who stood upon the burning deck."
Oh, I used to fish for flounders and I sold them, you can bet.
All the people liked to buy of me, because I sold 'em "net."
I could always catch the suckers that were swimming 'round the stern,
'Cause I'd wiggle like Fatima and they thought I was a worm.

CHORUS 2: Oh, oh, when the whistles blow,
Oh, oh, then I always know,
That I'd rather be on a speedy ocean ship,
Than a simple steamer stoker on the muddy Mississipp'.

3. I was on the "Lady Lizzie" when she beat the "Kankakee,"
But they never would have done it if it hadn't been for me.
When her boilers up and busted, and the "Lady Lizzie" sunk,
Captain Johnson he was on the deck, and I was on a drunk.
When the "Louisville" was burning with her nose against the bank,
I held her till the passengers had walked across the plank.
Then they pinned a medal on my chest and, golly, how it hurt!
For they never seemed to notice that I hadn't on a shirt.

CHORUS 3: Oh, oh, floating down the stream,
Oh, oh, then I always dream
Of the good old times when I wasn't near so bug
As to be a dippy stoker on a Mississippi tug.

4. Oh, my daddy was a "whaler" with a club or buggy whip,
And my sister wore a "sailor" hat upon her wedding trip.
My old mammy knew that I would be a sailor first of all,
Just because my hair was "wavy" and I never feared a "squall."
Oh, my Uncle Dudley had a yacht he called the "Spotted Pup,"
And the dog fish used to bark at it when sailing for the cup,
But the cup he never lifted, and the reason's mighty clear:
It was just because they all forgot to fill it up with beer.

CHORUS 4: Oh, oh, river life is great,
Oh, oh, and I wish to state
That I'd rather be on most anything afloat
Than to be a smoky stoker on a Mississippi boat.

Subject: Lyr Add: MY LITTLE ZULU BABE (Estren/Brymn)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 23 Jan 16 - 12:57 AM

Lyrics below are from the sheet music at Baylor University. You can hear a recording made by Silas Leachman at The Internet Archive.


MY LITTLE ZULU BABE
Words by W. S. Estren; music by Jas. T. Brymn; ©1900.
"Originally introduced and featured by Williams & Walker."

1. Down in sunny Africa,
'Mong the jungle and the burr
There lives a Zulu gal close by the Nile.
And I've named her Sadie Lee,
'Cause she's goin' to marry me,
And the wedding will be in the Zulu syle.
Now the kings and queens will celebrate this ostentatious fete,
'Twill be the grandest meet
Of Africa's elite;
There'll be no gorgeous costumes, but the leaves worn will be fine
The day I make this little Zulu mine.

CHORUS: She is my little Zulu baby,
A perfect lady.
Although she's shady,
Fresh from the jungle is my Sadie.
A full-fledged foreign gal is she,
My little Zulu babe.

2. She's the Princess Talmajoes,
Sports the royal blood, you knows,
And when I marry her, I'll be the king,
Then you'll hear the people say:
"Been a ruler made today,"
And in Africa I'll be the only thing.
Then when I sit upon the throne up in a coconut tree,
'Twill be a sight to see
My babe make love to me.
I know there'll be an awful time down in that Zulu land
The day my babe and I will take command.

Subject: Lyr Add: MY LANDLADY (Mierisch/Brymn/Williams)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 23 Jan 16 - 12:06 AM

The following lyrics are from the sheet music at Detroit Public Library. You can hear a recording of Bert Williams singing this song at The Internet Archive.


MY LANDLADY
Words by Ferd E. Mierisch and Jas. T. Brymn; music by Bert A. Williams; ©1912.

1. My pa and ma always told me
I should not ignore nobody,
But there's one soul I hates to see
And that is my landlady.
She's there the minute that you owe.
She needs no almanac to show,
And don't care if your funds are low.
That sure is my landlady.

CHORUS: Just like a ghost, through the hall she starts a-sneakin'.
If you owe your rent, 'round your door she starts a-sweepin'.
While you lay in bed a-wond'rin' what excuse to hand your landlady,
She can look directly in your eyes.
Seems she knows exactly when you're telling lies.
If there's one female I do despise,
It is my, yes, it's my landlady.

2. While flirting on the old Q T
With someone just a block from me,
When I got close it proved to be
No one but my landlady.
I wish the law would come and say
The third degrees you have full sway.
The one I'd put through right away
Would be that old landlady.

Subject: Lyr Add: LET IT ALONE (Rogers/Williams)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Jan 16 - 08:22 PM

The lyrics below are from the sheet music at Johns Hopkins University (Levy Collection). You can hear a recording by Bert Williams at The Internet Archive; he sings verses and choruses 1 and 3.


LET IT ALONE
Words by Alex Rogers. Music by Bert A. Williams.
New York: The Gotham-Attucks Music Company, Inc., ©1906.

1. In goin' through this pig-iron world, it's sometimes asked of you
To give advice at certain times and tell folks what to do.
Now at these times, I'm goin' to tell you what's the wisest plan:
When it comes to mixin' in wid things you don't jes' understan'—

CHORUS 1: Let it alone; let it alone.
If it don't concern you, let it alone.
Don't go four-flushin', an' puttin' on airs,
And dippin' into other folks' affairs.
If you don't know, say so!
Mind your own bus'ness and let it alone.

2. Suppose that luck's against you, and while on your weary way,
Along some side street you should see a drunken man, we'll say.
He's layin' in the gutter; you can see that he's all in,
An' on his bosom calmly gleams a great big diamond pin.

CHORUS 2: Let it alone; let it alone.
It ain't your'n, pally, so let it alone.
The man is drunk, that may be true,
But the diamond don't belong to you,
So shut your eyes and heave some sighs,
Turn 'round an' beat it, and let it alone.

EXTRA VERSES:

3. If you see two people fussin', well, a man an' woman, say,
You think it is a shame for them to carry on that way.
You think, well, I should stop that row, and just as you draw nigh,
The lady swats the gem'man wid a poker 'cross his eye.

CHORUS 3: Let it alone; let it alone.
You don't know the people, so let it alone.
They know their bus'ness right, alright.
They practice dat way ev'ry night.
You go butt in, they'll break yo' chin.
Go blind for a minute an' let it alone.

4. Have you ever met a man who from his proud important air,
Might be a politician or a multi-millionaire
If he shoud up to you and say, "Kind sir, if you will,
Would you oblige me, please, and change a twenty-dollar bill?"

CHORUS 4: Let it alone; let it alone.
Get awful busy and let it alone.
The man's got money, furs; dat goes.
He's got them bills all through his clothes,
But if you value coin, you'll keep on goin'.
Keep yo' hand on your pocket-book an' let it alone.

5. Now if some afternoon you go to see a grand ball game,
You don't know much about baseball, both team look jes' the same.
There's twenty thousand people all for one side, so it seems.
You know 'tain't fair; you think you'll yell and help the other team.

CHORUS 5: Let it alone; let it alone.
The other side's plain the team what's home.
This is the game that tells the tale:
The pennant's lost if the home team fails.
You go an' yell an' there'll be—well,
You better keep quiet an' let it alone.

6. In stoppin' 'round 'mongst strangers, you should very keerful be,
An' don't let ev'rything arouse yo' curiosity,
'Cause all dat shines ain't golden, and so if you should spy
A bottle wid a label, readin': "Bes' Kentucky Rye,"

CHORUS 6: let it alone; let it alone.
Hame some sense an' let it alone.
The label says: "Kentucky Rye,"
But labels they can falsify.
If it's pizen you swaller, it's too late to holler.
What's in you is in you, so let it alone.

7. Suppose you knows some frien's who owns a fine big dog, we'll say,
An' you should go to visit them some lovely summer's day,
The dog is layin' peacefully upon the front door mat,
You say: "My! What a specimen!" an' start his head to pat.

CHORUS 7: Let it alone; let it alone.
The dog looks fine; that may be true,
But he ain't been introduced to you,
So don't be mean and spoil his dream.
Admire the flowers an' let it alone.

8. If you happen to get lucky and around the world should go,
And you stop in "Abyssinia" for about a month or so,
You see while in the market a girl with a pretty face,
Who wants to sell to you a great big ham-shaped phoney vase.

CHORUS 8: Let it alone; let it alone.
I know all 'bout it, so let it alone.
It's fine showin' off in a foreign lan'
But 'tain't so fine to have to lose yo' han',
The very next place I see a bum vase,
You can bet I'll—let it alone.

Subject: Lyr Add: IF YOU LOVE YOUR BABY, MAKE GOO-GOO EYES
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 20 Jan 16 - 11:03 PM

The following lyrics are from the sheet music at Johns Hopkins University (Levy Collection). You can hear a recording by Arthur Collins at The Internet Archive.


IF YOU LOVE YOUR BABY, MAKE GOO-GOO EYES
or, THE GAME OF GOO-GOO EYES
Words and music by Williams and Walker, ©1900.

1. Last night I was invited to attend a swell festivity.
For a while, each one enjoyed himself as best was his ability.
At last they chose by motion, a new game that none had seen,
And when we found out what it was, all things went quite serene.
Each one should place a forfeit in the hands of a chosen one,
And that heavy hanging over your head was the next thing to be done,
And if by chance you miss yours, the way you'd have to pay,
The judge would choose some person who would turn to you and say:

CHORUS: If you loves your baby, make de goo-goo eyes.
Roll em high up, honey, till you see the skies.
Let your mind flutter like a turtle dove.
Den I know dat you's my sweetest love.
If you loves your baby, make de goo-goo eyes.

2. The game it seemed to progress right along with great agility.
Over half the people in the room were through, and it was up to me.
A man stepped up behind me, and in a deep voice said:
"Is it heavy or light, my friend, which now hangs o'er your head?"
The first idea that struck me was this forfeit is heavy, sho'.
I said: "It's heavy," but the man said: "It's light;" what did I do dat fo'?
He said: "Now, Mistess Johnson, she weighed three hundred pounds,
He picked de ugliest cullud gal dat he reckoned could be found.

Subject: Lyr Add: I'M GONE BEFORE I GO (Macdonald/Carroll)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 20 Jan 16 - 02:43 PM

Lyrics below are from the sheet music at UCLA. You can hear a recording by Bert Williams at The Internet Archive:

I'M "GONE" BEFORE I GO
Words by Ballard Macdonald, music by Harry Carroll. ©1916.
"As introduced in Ziegfeld Follies 1916"

1. Patri'tism always has been uppermost with me.
I used to row out ev'ry day and kiss Miss Liberty.
A friend of mine named Sam'l Brown
Who lived next door to me uptown
Had heard of war in Mexico and said: "I'm going down."
A hero he was gonna be, and march to Carrizal.
He left behind the bills he owed and also left his gal.

CHORUS 1: He said: "Goodbye;
I'm on my way to Mexico," brave as he could be.
He said his name
Would always live in history like Washington's—he meant Booker T.
I envied him,
So I enlisted when I heard those wartime bugles blow.
(Since then I heerd) That Sam Brown's body lies a-moulding in the ground; I guess I'm "gone" before I go.

2. Just the other side of me there lived another man
Who claimed from reading war news, he'd devised a better plan.
He said the foolish* heroes paid
For all the vic'tries others made,
That gumshoe work was what upset the plans the en'my laid.
The clever soldiers were the men who had the eagle eye
And never wore a uniform; said he: "I'll be a spy."

CHORUS 2: He said: "Goodbye;
I'm on my way to Mexico; see you when I'm back."
He said his name
Would always live in history like Johnson's—but he must have meant Jack.
I envied him,
And joined the service when I heard they all made heavy dough.
(Since then I heerd)
They hung my friend upon a sour apple tree; I guess I'm "gone" before I go.

3. Fifteen-sixty monthly is a common hero's pay.
The special ones get fresh-cut flow'rs on Decoration Day.
I told my boss I had to go
And quit the firm of Brown and Co.
Said he: "We'll pay you just the same while you're in Mexico."
With thirty dollars as a watchman absent from the loft,
And fifteen-sixty as a hero, army life looked soft.

CHORUS 3: I said: "Goodbye;
I'm on my way to Mexico; duty's calling me."
I said my name
Would always live in history like Sherman when he walked on the sea.
They envied me
That easy money, for I heard the other boys say so.
(Since then I heerd)
That Brown and Company went into bankruptcy; I guess I'm "gone" before I go.

[* Bert Williams sings "fallen."]

Subject: Lyr Add: HERE IT COMES AGAIN(Rogers/Jones/Williams
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 20 Jan 16 - 12:40 PM

Lyrics below are from the sheet music at Baylor University. You can hear a recording at The Internet Archive in which Bert Williams sings verses and choruses 1 and 6.


HERE IT COMES AGAIN
Words by Alex Rogers and Earle C. Jones; music by Bert A. Williams. ©1906.
Sung by Bert Williams in "Abyssinia."

1. I b'lieve I'm 'bout to find myself back where I started from.
They say that money does all things; well, I've been handlin' some.
And yet I knew bad luck would come; it's plain as A, B, C.,
'Cause something's buzzing in my ear and whispering to me.

CHORUS 1: Here it comes again! (Plague take it!) Here it comes again!
But when that feeling comes a-stealing, it's no use to complain.
I thought that Jonah spell had passed, but I was figuring too fast.
My dream it was too good to last. (Dod bust it!) Here it comes again!

2. I had brain fever one time, and had fierce pains in my head,
And now I know exactly what Doc Smith meant when he said:
"If any time insanity should stare you in the face,
You'll feel an awful funny strange sensation taking place."

CHORUS 2: Here it comes again! (Oh, mercy!) Here it comes again!
But when that feeling comes a-stealing, it's no use to complain.
The doctor says it is a fact that I'm some kind of maniac.
My upper story it is cracked. (I feel it!) Here it comes again!

3. Last Tuesday night I gave up drink because I had to quit.
The purple snakes and crocodiles 'most had me in a fit.
I didn't mind the yellow rats for they were kind of tame.
The thing that threw the scare in me was just too bad to name.

CHORUS 3: Here it comes again! (Oh, hevvings!) Here it comes again!
I know it wants me 'cause it haunts me and drives me 'most insane.
It's got a pair of bloodshot eyes, a tail, and horns of awful size.
I guess it's Satan in disguise! (Oh, Mother!) Here it comes again!

4. One night I had a poker fit and had it mighty bad,
So I went to a game and took all of the coin I had.
I got four kings, which looked quite sweet, and then I bet my all.
A man shoved in his money, showed four aces, said: "I call."

CHORUS 4: There it was again! (Dog bite it!) There it was again!
I had a feeling of crooked dealing but how could I complain?
He was a crook, I do believe, but how could I renege or grieve?
He had a razor up his sleeve! (Gosh hang it!) There it was again!

5. I used to be a conductor on the Broadway trolley line.
I thought the "change" would do me good, and that's why I got mine.
A fat man used to ride with me who never had to pay.
He had a hundred-dollar bill, but I laid for him one day.

CHORUS 5: And there it was again! (That greenback!) It looked so nice and new.
I changed the money; it was funny; 'twas all in pennies, too.
I put those coppers in his mitt and laughed so hard I nearly split,
Then found the bill was counterfeit. (Dod rot it!) There it was again!

6. Ben Brown and I once met two girls who called him 'cross the street.
One had a face that looked just like a yard of sausage meat.
I said to him: "She surely has the limit face on her."
Just then he kicked me hard and said: "Why, that's my sister, sir!"

CHORUS 6: There it was again! (Gosh blame it!) There it was again!
He kicked me cruel like a mule and caused me lots of pain.
Says I: "You are mistaken, Ben; I meant that other homely hen."
"Why, that's my wife!" said he and then (imitates being kicked) there it was again!

7. Sometimes it seems that I was born to be a fatal card.
I allus been a "two spot" an' ma luck was mighty hard.
I've played a losin' game an' lost; de bet is up to me.
Ma hand goes in de discards with dese five good trumps you see. (holds up five fingers)

CHORUS 7: Here it comes again! (It's awful!) Here it comes again!
I'd like to stop it 'fore they chop it, but I doesn't mind the pain.
Someday a friend will try to take this good right hand for old time's sake,
And I won't have no hand to shake. (Oh, mercy!) Here it comes again!

Subject: Lyr Add: HE'S A COUSIN OF MINE (Mack/Smith/Hein)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 19 Jan 16 - 12:02 AM

Lyrics below are from the sheet music at Johns Hopkins University (Levy Collection). A recording sung by Bert Williams can be heard at The Internet Archive.

Marie Cahill's Song Success
HE'S A COUSIN OF MINE.
Featured in Daniel V. Arthur's Production of "Marrying Mary"
Words, Cecil Mack; music Chris. Smith and Silvio Hein.
New York: The Gotham-Attucks Music Company, ©1906.

1. There's a scandal in the neighborhood and it's all 'bout Julie Brown.
It seems her long lost cousin, Jeremiah, had lately arrived in town.
When Julie's "feller" came to call that Sunday at her home,
He found the pair a-sitting there jes' a-spooning in the gloam.
The sight made him so riled, he started home at once,
But Julie said: "I'm s'prised at you; don't go act like a dunce.

CHORUS: "Why, he's a cousin of mine, just a cousin of mine.
You're li'ble for to see him here any old time.
Jes' like a bee, you're all the time a-buzzin'.
'Tain't no harm for to hug and kiss your cousin.
I haven't seen Jerry in the last ten years; you know that's a mighty long time.
He's mother's sister's angel child. (G'wan, man!) He's a cousin of mine."

2. When she had explained her relationship, he replied: "It may be so,
But he don't look like a thirty-second cousin that I met a week ago."
She smiled at him quite innocently and blushed up to her hair,
Then said: "If you don't want him 'round, I will tell him so, my dear."
She joined her cousin's side and as they strolled away,
He heard him ask, "Who is that freak?" and heard his Julie say: CHORUS

Subject: Lyr Add: EVAH DAHKEY IS A KING (Moran/Dunbar/Cook)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 13 Jan 16 - 12:09 AM

From the sheet music at Indiana University:


EVAH DAHKEY IS A KING
"As sung by Williams & Walker in Dunbar & Cook's Operetta 'In Dahomey' "
Words by E. P. Moran & Paul Laurence Dunbar, music by John H. Cook, ©1902.

1. Dar's a mighty cur'ous circumstance dat's a-botherin' all de nation.
All de Yankees is dissatisfied wid a deir untitled station.
Dey is huntin' after titles, wid a golden net to snare 'em,
An' de democratic people, dey's mos' mighty glad to wear 'em. Ho!
But dey ain't got all de title, fu it is a 'culiar t'ing:
When a dahkey starts to huntin', he is sho' to prove a king.

CHORUS: Evah dahkey is a king!
Royalty is jes' de t'ing.
Ef yo' social life's a bungle,
Jes' yo' go back to yo' jungle
An' remember dat a yo' daddy was a king.

2. Evah dahkey has a lineage dat de white folks can't compete wid,
An' a title, such as duke or earl, why we woudn't wipe our feet wid,
Fu a kingdom is our station an' we's each a rightful ruler.
When we's crowned we don't wear satins, kase de way we dress is cooler. Ho!
But our power's jest as mighty; nevah judge kings by deir clo'es.
You could nevah tell a porter wid a ring stuck thro' his nose.

3. Scriptures say dat Ham was de first black man; Ham's de father of our nation.
All de black folks, to dis very day, b'longs right in de Ham creation.
Ham he was a king in ancient days an' he reigned in all his glory;
Den ef we is all de sons of Ham, nachelly dat tells de story. Ho!
White folks what's got dahkey servants, try an' give dem ev'ryt'ing;
An' doan' nevah speak insulting fu dat coon may be a king.

Subject: Lyr Add: DAT'S HARMONY (Clarke/Williams)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 05 Jan 16 - 10:19 PM

From the sheet music at Johns Hopkins University (Levy Collection):


DAT'S HARMONY
Ziegfeld Follies of 1911
Words by Grant Clarke, music by Bert Williams, ©1911.

1. Mister Schubert's Serenade is grand.
I cert'ly love to hear a big brass band
Play Sousa's marches by the score,
An' I likes good op'ra; what is more,
Dat pleasing Melody in F
Is sho' some music—well, I guess,
But folks make a mistake, you see,
When dey say dat's all to harmony.

CHORUS: 'Cause when your best gal says you're her Marathon kid,
Dat's harmony.
When de wedding bells are ringing like dey never did,
Dat's harmony.
When you stand befo' de altar, han' in han',
De preacher says to her: "Are you taking dis man?"
She steps right up, says: " 'Deed I am"—
Man, dat's harmony!

2. Of modern music I adore
Dat barber's chord of Mister Jefferson Lord,
And dar's dat thing the Minor Strain;
It sho' has got one sweet refrain.
Dat Ev'ry Little Movement thing
Has got dose Streets of Cairo swing.
Don't think I can't appreciate
Dat music, 'cause it's great—

CHORUS: But when your wife says: "Come to your dinner, John,"
Dat's harmony.
When you jus' gets a whiff of what she's bringin' on,
Dat's harmony.
Wid all due credit to a big brass band,
De sweetest music in de land
Is when you hear de sizzle from de fryin' pan.
Man, dat's harmony!


Referenced music:
"(Mr. Jefferson, Lord,) Play That Barber Shop Chord" w. William Tracey; m. Lewis F. Muir (1910).
"That Minor Strain" w. Cecil Mack m. Ford Dabney (1910).
"Every Little Movement (Has a Meaning All Its Own)" w. Otto Hauerbach; m. Karl L. Hoschna (1910).
"The Streets of Cairo, or, The Poor Little Country Maid" w. & m. James Thornton (1895).
"Melody in F [Op. 3 No. 1]" by Anton Rubenstein (1881)

Subject: Lyr Add: CONSTANTLY (Smith/Burris/Williams)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 05 Jan 16 - 11:38 AM

The first version here is from the sheet music at Johns Hopkins University (Levy Collection):


CONSTANTLY
F. Ziegfeld Jr's revue Follies of 1910.
Words by [Harry Bache] Smith and [Jim] Burris, music by Bert Williams, ©1910.

1. I used to be a lucky moke.
A-spending money was a joke,
But now it seems dat I stay broke
Constantly.
I never was troubled with my landlord befo'.
My rent he always said was sho',
But now he's knocking at my do'
Constantly.

CHORUS: Good luck wans [sic] me, dorns [sic] me, scorns me,
Constantly.
Bad luck meets me, seeks me, greets me
Constantly.
Sometimes I feel like a bird in a tree,
Flyin' round so gaily and free,
But it seems hard luck clips my wings for me
Constantly.

2. As a prize fighter once I thought I'd try.
I fought a man they called Kid Nye.
Dat man he sho' did find my eye
Constantly.
I thought I'd win myself some dough.
Ten rounds I thought I could stay sho',
But the referee was pickin' me offen de flo'
Constantly.


[Here's how Bert Williams actually sings it. You can hear his recording at The Internet Archive:]

1. There is a word called mis'ry,
And mis'ry loves company.
That's the reason why it chases me
Constantly.
My landlord never bothered me befo',
Always said that my rent was sho',
But now he just knocks on my do'
Constantly.

CHORUS: Good luck eyes me, spies me, guys me
Constantly.
Bad luck seeks me, meets me, greets me
Constantly.
Sometimes I feel like a bird in the tree,
Flyin' round so gaily and free,
But it seems hard luck clips my wings for me
Constantly.

2. At prize fights once I thought I'd try.
I would fight a man that they called Kid Nye.
The man just kep' his fist in my eye
Constantly.
The fight only had about six rounds to go,
And there I was, and I needed the dough,
But the referee jus' kep' pickin' me off o' de flo'
Ooh, constantly.

CHORUS: Good luck eyes me, spies me, guys me
Constantly.
Bad luck meets me, seeks me, greets me
Constantly.
That man he sho' did have the knack
Of jus' shootin' 'em in like the kick of a jack.
When it hit me in the stomach, I'd bulge out in the back
Constantly.

Subject: Lyr Add: BORROW FROM ME (Havez/Williams)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 05 Jan 16 - 01:17 AM

From the sheet music at New York Public Library:


BORROW FROM ME
Words by Jean Havez, music by Bert Williams, ©1912.

1. Ev'ry time they gets a plan
Where they want to find a man
Who will lend them five or ten,
They first test my generosity.
I've loaned my coin out day by day
To diff'rent folks who swore they'd pay,
But these few words I'm goin' to say
When someone wants to touch me:

CHORUS: Bring me the stone that David slew Goliath with,
    and from the apple Adam ate, bring me the core.
Bring me the leaf of the very same tree
    that the dove took the branch back to brother Noah.
Bring me the lion that let Daniel live,
    and the whale that swallowed Jonah in the sea.
If you bring me ev'rything that I ask you to bring,
    old boy, you can borrow from me.

Subject: Lyr Add: I'M GONNA QUIT SATURDAY (Cook/Archer)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 28 Dec 15 - 08:12 PM

I'M GONNA QUIT SATURDAY
Words by P. D. Cook; music by Harry Archer, ©1921.
As recorded by Bert Williams, 1920.

1. When I was broke, and in the South,
I heard it told by word of mouth
That I should come up to New York town
'Cause there was plenty of soft jobs to be found.
But since that, every job I've had
Just seems to sort o' turn out bad.
This railroad job, the boss says to me: "Man,
Why, you can make good money here, understand?"
And he said "good money"—boy, I love it!
Well, the money is good, but it don't seem to be enough of it.

CHORUS 1: So I'm gon' quit—yes-sir!—Saturday! Take that straight from me.
I'm gonna quit on Saturday, and that's sho' as sho' can be.
I don't seem to be able to get the knack
Of just keep on walkin' up and down all these railroad tracks
With sometimes fifteen trunks hung on my back,
So I'm gon' quit—yes-sir!—Saturday.

2. He's got a habit round here of late
Of orderin' me out to help with the freight.
Now Sunday the circus is due in town—
Yes-sir!—and there's gon' be a lot o' freight hangin' round.
Now, they told me way here last Monday
That I've got to help with the freight on next Sunday.
'Course, when they make you work on the sabbath day,
They always give you some sort o' little extra pay.
Now there's gonna be lions with that freight,
And I sees no sense in me temptin' fate.

CHORUS 2: So I'm gon' quit—yes-sir!—Saturday, sho' as sho' can be.
I am going to quit on Saturday; take that straight from me.
'Course this Sunday pay, that's nice and sweet,
But my better judgment tells me: be discreet,
'Cause I know that lions really love dark meat,
So I'm gon' quit—yes-sir!—Saturday.

Subject: Lyr Add: I'LL LEND YOU EVERYTHING I'VE GOT EXCEPT
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 28 Dec 15 - 03:20 PM

Bert Williams recorded this under the title I'LL LEND YOU ANYTHING. The following is from the sheet music at Johns Hopkins University (Levy Collection):


I'LL LEND YOU EVERYTHING I'VE GOT EXCEPT MY WIFE
Words by Jean C. Havez, music by Harry Von Tilzer, ©1910.

1. When the wine goes in, the truth comes out, and Simpson was that way.
If you'd only stand and listen while he told you all his troubles, he would never let you buy all day.
He'd stand and spend,
And buy and lend,
Till he got good and gay.
You never could imagine
What his trouble was about
Until he grabbed you by the buttonhole to say:

CHORUS: "I'll lend you my horse; I'll lend you my hay.
I'll lend you anything I've got; take it away.
I'll lend you five; I'll lend you ten,
And if you want some more, be sure and come around again.
I'll lend you my hat;
I'll lend you my flat,
My brand new overcoat of fur.
I'll lend you ev'rything I've got except my wife, and I'll make you a present of her."

2. It never rains but what it pours, as Simpson seems to know.
He went home one afternoon and found his wife had asked her relatives to come and spend a year or so.
And he, of course,
Slept with the horse,
And yelled out: "Hip hooray!"
So long as he was able,
He preferred to use the stable.
When the neighbors came around, you'd hear him say: CHORUS

Subject: Lyr Add: GET UP (Robert Hood Bowers)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 28 Dec 15 - 01:37 PM

GET UP
Words and music by Robert Hood Bowers
As recorded by Bert Williams, 1920.

Trouble comes to everyone in life
At some time or another.
Most o' my troubles is with my wife;
The rest of 'em, her mother.
Don't ask me what the matter is, no sir!
Nor what it's all about, either.
But whenever I desire to sleep,
Then one of 'em is bound to shout:

"Get up.
Get up.
Don't you hear I'm callin' you?
Come on, brother; get up.
Get up now.
What are you layin' there fo', hm?
Ah, mercy, just lay around here like a lazy Turk.
Whatever you see, you got a chance to shirk.
You better get up and hustle now and go and find yourself some work.
Come on, brother; get out; get up; get up!"

Last night in a prize fight I took part; 'twas with a dark-skinned brother.
First he hit me with one fist and behold! He landed the other.
All the stars in the firmament were clustered round about,
And as I slowly opened my eyes, I heard somebody shout:

"Come on, get up, brother, get up, get up
Don't you hear me callin' ya, hm?
Come on, come on, get up.
Oh, get up.
What you layin' there for? Huh?
No, no, it's over.
… layin' round there like a settin' hen,
Still waitin' for that count o' ten.
Come on, better move on, I ain't see your end now
Get up brother; get up; it's over; it's over; get up!"

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs recorded by Bert Williams
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Dec 15 - 01:16 AM

The lyrics to EVERYBODY WANTS A KEY TO MY CELLAR, were posted in this thread.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs recorded by Bert Williams
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Dec 15 - 01:02 AM

The lyrics to BRING BACK THOSE WONDERFUL DAYS, and some variants, were posted in this thread.

Subject: Lyr Add: YOU'LL NEVER NEED A DOCTOR NO MORE (Smith
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 24 Dec 15 - 01:30 AM

YOU'LL NEVER NEED A DOCTOR NO MORE
Words and music by Chris Smith
"Introduced by Bert Williams in his 1921 riot, Broadway Brevities."
As recorded by Bert Williams, 1920.

1. I s'pose you all heared of Doctor Fojo Bones,
A very bitter enemy to Deacon Jones.
Tuesday evenin' Deacon Jones took sick,
And it seems he had to send for Doctor Fojo quick.
On the deacon's face was a distrustful frown.
Indigestion had wore him down.
The doctor says: "Oh, it's you I have to cure!
Well, here's what I'll prescribe to fix you sho':

CHORUS 1: "Some green cucumbers, some stewed tripe rare,
Roast pork, cantaloupe, and Bevo beer.
Half a dozen crabs, two lobsters broiled,
Bananas and fish, but let the fish be spoiled;
Cold-storage chicken and hot cornbread.
Now I think that will be a scientific cure,
And if you eat everything, brother, that I'm tellin' you to eat,
You'll never need a doctor no more."

2. Matilda jenkins worked for Mister Deacon Jones.
Said she: "You's a fool to send for Doctor Bones.
Don't you know the doctor is really sore on you?
He loved that widow Brown and you's kind o' likin' her too.
You remember it was peculiar how her husband died—
Why, he suffered; all the neighbors just cried,
'Cause his chances for life was mighty slim,
And here's what Doctor Bones went and prescribed for him:

CHORUS 2: A watermelon and peach ice cream,
Sour milk, applesauce, and spinach greens,
Puddin', prunes, and rice, a half-cooked shad,
A dozen eggs, and had all o' them bad.
Some corned beef an' cabbage, some Lima beans.
Now wasn't that an awful cure? Mercy!
Brother Jones went and ate ever'thing that was told him to eat.
Now he'll never need a doctor no more!

Subject: Lyr Add: IT'S GETTING SO YOU CAN'T TRUST NOBODY
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 24 Dec 15 - 12:47 AM

Creamer and Layton had recorded this song as a duet in 1906, but I was unable to find their recording online. Bert Williams recorded this under the title YOU CAN'T TRUST NOBODY, but the following is the title as given in the sheet music and on Creamer & Layton's recording.


IT'S GETTING SO YOU CAN'T TRUST NOBODY
Words and music by Henry Creamer and Turner Layton.
As recorded by Bert Williams, 1920.

1. A dark brown lady sang a tale of woe,
I said, a tale of woe, and it went just so:
"I love a man … in his stones(?)
'Twas a man named Abraham Lincoln Jones.
I caught him lyin' and it blew his style(?).
And I can't put faith in nobody now.

CHORUS 1: "Oh, it's gettin' so you can't trust nobody, none of the time, no!
The more you trust 'em, the more you'll find
Oh, they'll just grieve you and deceive you till you lose your mind.
He took his … but when I'm blue,
He took my rent right 'long with him, too.
It's just gettin' so you can't trust nobody, none of the time."

2. That dark brown lady sang a wicked blues.
I said. a wicked blues, full of mournful news.
It ain't no use to argufy it,
But blues is blues and you can't deny it.
It's hard to listen to such sad tales,
But to everyone that lady would wail:

CHORUS 2: "No, it's gettin' so you can't trust nobody, none of the time.
The more you trust 'em, the more you'll find
They'll just grieve you and deceive you till you lose your mind.
Ah, you turn your back a minute and see what you lose.
They'll steal the feet right out of your shoes.
You can't, no you can't trust nobody, none of the time, oh my!

CHORUS 3: "It's gettin' so you can't trust nobody, none of the time.
The more you trust 'em, the more you'll find
They'll just grieve you and deceive you till you lose your mind.
Ah, you keep on trustin', your happiness ends,
So just keep your eyes, child, on your very best friends.
It's gettin' so you can't trust nobody, no more, none of the time! Look at me!"

Subject: Lyr Add: YOU CAN'T GET AWAY FROM IT
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Dec 15 - 11:11 PM

From the sheet music at Mississippi State University:


YOU CAN'T GET AWAY FROM IT
Words by William Jerome & Grant Clarke; music by Jean Schwartz, ©1913.

1. When the silv'ry moon is rising,
Mister Rag comes burglarizing,
Comes a-creeping, slyly peeping,
In the room where you are sleeping.
In the daytime, when you're busy,
He's around; your brain gets dizzy.
Once he finds you, he reminds you:
No use hiding away.

CHORUS: Syncopation rules the nation!
You can't get away from it, get away from it!
It causes agitation!
You can't get away from it, get away from it!
Lawyers and physicians,
Even men of high positions,
Great big politicians
Pal around with rag musicians.
They buy it; don't deny it!
You can't get away from it, get away from it.
On Sunday, same as Monday,
You can't get away from it, get away from it.
Even good old country preachers
Are engaging tango teachers.
You can't get away from it, get away from it.
You can't get away from it at all.

2. All the fishes in the ocean
Swim around with raggy motion.
Biscuit bakers, even Quakers,
Are among the shoulder shakers.
Soldier boys and men of letters,
Chorus girls and suffragetters,
Aviators, even waiters—
No one ever escapes.

Subject: Lyr Add: WHEN I RETURN (Rogers/Vodery)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Dec 15 - 11:09 PM

WHEN I RETURN (a recitation)
Words by Alex Rogers, music by Will H. Vodery, ©1918.
As recorded by Bert Williams, 1918.

They used to say you can't come back,
But now they claim it is a fact
That when you leave this earthly state,
You do a thing called transmigrate;
And then you keep on comin' back
In animal or insect shape—
Anything from an ant to an ape.
Now what do you know about that?

They say you keep on comin' back like the honeybees in hives:
One life after another till you've lived a thousand lives;
And the beauty part about it is, you just come back as you chose:
Any kind of varmint till a thousand lives are through(?).
Well, I can use a thousand; mighty handy, each in turn.
I've got so much to 'tend to, I'll be glad when I return.

The first time I come back I'll be a tiny moth; that's all;
And get even with that judge that gave me six months here last fall.
In his Persian tapestries, his silkscreens from Japan,
His heavy satin draperies he brought from Hindustan,
Visit carpets, rugs and overcoats, suits and furs in turn.
Oh, I'll be busy layin' eggs for old Judge Hall when I return.

To come back as a horse, from that I've got to shirk,
'Cause ever' kind o' horse I see, he has to do some kind o' work;
And it's hard enough to come right on back here at best,
And if I do, why, naturally, I'd like to take a little rest;
And if I've looked the situation over, there's one thing that I yearn:
To come back as one o' them pet Seekaneezes*—oh, boy! Several times I will return.


* I have spelled this phonetically. I think he means Pekingeses.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs recorded by Bert Williams
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 20 Dec 15 - 11:47 PM

The lyrics to UNLUCKY BLUES were posted in this thread.

Subject: Lyr Add: UNEXPECTEDLY (Burris/Bradford)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 14 Dec 15 - 10:19 PM

Bert Williams recorded this as a recitation with musical accompaniment. Accordingly, he embellished it with a few spoken phrases, not shown here, to make it more conversational in tone. From the sheet music at UCLA:


UNEXPECTEDLY
Words by Jim Burris, music by Perry Bradford, ©1922.

1. There's one thing that happens to me and you
When we have something special to do.
It seems like something happens 'fore we get through
Unexpectedly.
On a married lady once I called.
Her husband came; he was six foot tall.
I had to take window sash and all
Unexpectedly.

CHORUS: There is lots of meaning in that one little word:
Unexpectedly.
Now, hootch is another one that's not often heard
Unexpectedly.
I used to drink gin sup by sup,
Then I learned to drink it cup by cup.
Here prohibition came along, messed ev'rything up
Unexpectedly.

2. I got some work in a swell cafe,
And took some fresh meat every day (just a small piece).
The boss got wise to me in some kind o' way
Unexpectedly.
Next morn' judge says: "What have you to say about that?
The boss caught you with chops in your hat."
I said: "Not guilty"; he said: "Six months for that"
Unexpectedly.

CHORUS: I found out the meaning of that one little word,
Unexpectedly.
It seems like I always do the bad for good,
Unexpectedly.
He said if I'd taken a ham or a goose,
He might have found some way to let me loose,
"But for two pork chops let you free?
No; take him; throw away the key"
Unexpectedly.

Subject: Lyr Add: TWENTY YEARS (Creamer/Layton)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 13 Dec 15 - 05:48 PM

TWENTY YEARS
Words and music by Henry S. Creamer & J. Turner Layton, ©1917.
As recorded [recited] by Bert Williams, 1917.

Cruel Judge Grimes got his name because
For the simplest crimes, he could find ten laws.
Take the case of Samuel Jackson Boles,
Who slipped on a banana peel, fell into a hole.
He was hauled up before old Judge Grimes
Who charged Samuel with the following crimes:

Slidin' on the sidewalk without a permit,
Fallin' on and ruinin' whatever he hit,
Unlawful speedin'—and that ain't all—
Improper wigglin' just prior to the fall,
Breakin' the sabbath, and groanin' aloud,
Stoppin' the traffic and causin' a crowd,
Libel and slanderous talk when you fell.
You might 'a' said "heck" but it sounded like—.
Well, for that sake, twenty years.

"Counselor Jones," said old Judge Grimes,
"Take this man to jail for his awful crimes.
He's broken most ev'ry criminal rule,
'Cept habeas mallus, and that's stealin' a mule.

No, wait a minute; come here; let's have one more look.
Might be somethin' that I've left out, some other fine in the book—
Plus unlawful entry when in the coal-hole you went;
Next, removin' the lid without the owner's consent,
Breakin' your legs just to cheat and defraud,
And goin' to the hospital to keep from payin' board.
I'm gon' fine you ten dollars, and if you come up short,
I'll give you life for contempt o' court.
You ain't married, and that's defraudin' some bride,
And cruelty to old maids, and race suicide.
Forfeit life and twenty years.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs recorded by Bert Williams
From: Thomas Stern
Date: 13 Dec 15 - 04:40 PM

Hi Jim Dixon,
Thanks for researching and posting the sheet music publications
and posting the word!

Bert Williams, Williams & Walker recordings available on CD from
ARCHEOPHONE Records.
http://www.archeophone.com/artists/w/bert-williams/

Best wishes, Thomas.

Subject: Lyr Add: THAT'S A PLENTY (Creamer/Williams)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 13 Dec 15 - 02:24 PM

As far as I can tell, there is no connection between this song and the famous instrumental jazz standard written as a piano rag in 1914 by Lew Pollack, and used as a theme by Jackie Gleason. I don't even know what the following song sounds like, being unable to read music myself, and having failed to find a recording. (Any search is likely to lead to the aforementioned Pollack tune.)

From the sheet music at Baylor University:


THAT'S A PLENTY
Words by Henry S. Creamer, music by Bert A. Williams, ©1909.

1. 'Twas in a hen-coop one dark night, I stopped to rest myself,
And to my great surprise, I spied some pullets on a shelf.
I tried to shake hands with a hen when some buckshot passed my head.
I dropped my bag and turned around, then to the gen'man said:

CHORUS 1: "Mister, mister, oh, listen like a friend.
No use to argue; just let the matter end.
Excuse me, boys, if wrong I've done.
There ain't no use to shoot that gun.
Just move that much so I can run.
Thank you! That's a plenty."

2. I felt a cramp one morning; to the doctor I ran quick.
He said I had the epizootic; man, I sure was sick!
He said that I should bathe in cold water each morning twice,
But I told him when he told me to fill the tub with ice:

CHORUS 2: "Mister, mister, oh, listen like a friend.
No use to argue; we'll let that treatment end.
Remember I'm no Eskimo.
I do not care for ice or snow.
I'll take one bath in July though.
Just one; that's a plenty."

3. A man gave me a two-bit note to guide him through the woods,
And as we strolled along, a bear jumped out; it was the goods!
The man skiddooed; I grabbed that bear; it made an awful wail.
The man yelled: "Stop" but I said: "No; I'm goin' to hold this tail.

CHORUS 3: "Mister, mister, oh, listen like a friend.
No use to tell me to hold the other end.
I see I've got to hold this bear.
I just leave hold him here as there.
As long as his tail's got one hair
That long; that's a plenty."

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs recorded by Bert Williams
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 12 Dec 15 - 07:58 PM

Bert Williams' recording of TEN LITTLE BOTTLES has been posted here, in another thread.

The same thread also contains other songs with the same or similar title.

Subject: Lyr Add: I WANT TO KNOW WHERE TOSTI WENT (WHEN HE…
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 Dec 15 - 05:32 PM

This comes from the Digital Collection of the New York Public Library.

Recording Artist: Bert Williams (photograph on sheet music cover)
Written by: Chris. Smith
Publishing: New York: Shapiro, Bernstein, & Co., 1920


I    W A N T   T O   K N O W   W H E R E   T O S T I   W E N T
(W H E N   H E   S A I D    'G O O D B Y E')

I has no education, but I'm blessed with Mother-Wit
On any kind of subject can converse a little bit
You know about them elephants' memory
Well mine is just that way
For when a thing is taught to me
Right in my brain 'twill stay
CHORUS


I ain't no music master, I can't even read a note
But I can 'member ev'ry thing that Mister Wagner wrote
I know of Mister Rubenstein's melody
I know some poems by Poe
I know who killed the poor Dead Sea
There's few things I don't know



CHORUS
I know just where Columbus went
When he sailed from sunny Spain
I know what causes thunder
And I know what makes it rain
My great grand-daddy left for me
A book on ancient history
I know about Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden
'Cos I've been readin'
I know about Peter and Paul
'Course I don't know it all
I know a little sum'thin' about what's up there in the sky
I can solve most any kind of mystery
But here's one thing that puzzles me

I want to know where Tosti went when he said
"GOODBYE FOREVER, GOODBYE FOREVER"
I want to know where Tosti went when he said "Good-Bye."

Subject: Lyr Add: PURPOSTUS (King/Williams)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Dec 15 - 10:52 PM

I found these lyrics in a book called The Phono-bretto, 1919, page 152.


PURPOSTUS
Words by Henry D. King, music by Bert Williams, ©1915.

Has you ever met de lady or de interlexual man
Dat talks 'bout raisin' chillun on some new outlandish plan?
Dey tells you all your chile should have, an' all yo' chile should leave alone,
But dese chile-wise folks, we notice, mos'ly has no chillun uv dare own.
An' mind yon, de folks dey's talkin' to right den,
Has 'cumerlated chillun all de way from two to ten—
Ain't it absurb? Why, it's putty nigh purpostus!

Dere's lots of folks in dis fair lan' says things is "on da hogs"—
Says war is whut we needs or else we's goin' to de dogs.
'Cose as fuh me, I wants no war; 'tain't zackly 'cause I is skared—
But, I'se ver' much like mah country is, mos'ly—somewhut—kinder, unprepared.
An' mind you, dey all kin shout, but believe me, mate,
Tain't a bit a use in fishin', 'thout you got the proper kind a bait.
Safety first! It are absurb! It are well-nigh purpostus!

Subject: Lyr Add: PLAY THAT BARBER SHOP CHORD (Tracey/Muir)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 10 Dec 15 - 10:23 PM

From the sheet music at Baylor University:


PLAY THAT BARBER SHOP CHORD
Words by Wm. Tracey, music by Lewis F. Muir, ©1910.
"Prominently Featured by Bert Williams"

1. Down in a great big rathskellar,
Where a swell colored fellow
By the name of Bill Jefferson Lord
Played piano while he'd sing a song,
He just sung and played the whole night long,
Till one night, a kinky haired lady
They called Chocolate Sadie
Heard him playing that barber shop chord.
When he finished, Sadie drew a sigh.
Ev'ry time that she would catch his eye, she'd cry:

CHORUS: "Mister Jefferson Lord,
Play that barber shop chord.
That soothing harmony,
It makes an awful, awful, awful hit with me.
Play that strain
Just to please me again,
'Cause, mister, when you start that minor part,
I feel your fingers slipping and a-gripping at my heart.
Oh, Lord, play that barber shop chord."

2. From that night, she never rested.
That same tune she requested
Ev'ry time she went into the place.
Just as soon as she sat down, she roared:
"Play that ever lovin' barber's chord!
Oh! I'm goin' to stick like a plaster
To my new music master,
For I surely go off of my base.
When I listen to that melody,
There's no other music I can see; that's me."

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs recorded by Bert Williams
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 Dec 15 - 06:50 PM

You have to know about the following poem/song-lyric before you may appreciate another lyric recorded by Bert Williams. I got this wrong in my post two days ago, for which I apologize: the English came first, then was translated into Italian for the song, and it was sung in both languages -- ad infinitum, ad nauseum even -- in Bert Williams' time.

author: George John Whyte-Melville

Fallinig leaf and fading tree,
Lines of white in a sullen sea,
Shadows rising on you and me.
The swallows are making them ready to fly,
Wheeliing out on a windy sky.
Goodbye Summer! Goodbye! Goodbye!

Hush! a voice from the far away!
"Listen and learn," it seems to say,
"All the tomorrows shall be as today."
The cord is frayed, the cruse is dry,
The link must break, and the lamp must die --
Goodbye Hope! Goodbye! Goodbye!

What are we waiting for? Oh my heart!
Kiss me straight on the brows, and part.
Again! again! -- my heart! my heart!
What are we waiting for, you and I?
A pleading look, a stifled cry.
Goodbye forever! Goodbye forever!
Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

--infamously set to music by Francesco Paolo Tosti

Subject: Lyr Add: WHEN IT'S ALL GOIN' OUT AND NOTHIN' COMIN
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Dec 15 - 07:01 PM

WHEN IT'S ALL GOIN' OUT AND NOTHIN' COMIN' IN

Money is de root of evil,
No matter where you happen to go,
But nobody has any objections
To de root; now ain't dat so?

You know how it is wid money,
How it makes you feel at ease,
Things look bright all around
An' yo' friends am thick as bees.

But when yo' money is runnin' low,
An' you're clingin' to a solitary dime,
Yo' creditors are num'rous and yo' friends are few,
Oh, dat am de awful time.

CHORUS
Dat am de time, oh, dat am de time.
When it's all goin' out, and nothin' comin' in
Dat am de time when de troubles begin;
Money's gittin' low, People say "I told you so;"
And you can't borrow a penny from any of yo' kin,
An' it's all goin' out an' nothin' comin' in.


Had my share of dis world's trials,
Nobody knows how hard I have tried;
To keep my little boat from sinkin'
An' to battle wid de tide.

You know when you got yo' money,
You can easy keep afloat;
De stream is smooth, and all yo' friends
Try to help you to row yo' boat.

But when yo' money is runnin' low,
And de stream gits rough an' things look mighty blue,
Yo' look around for help an' find each of yo' friends
Is paddlin' his own canoe.   
(CHORUS)

Words and Music by Williams & Walker, ©1902.
Words Revised by James Weldon Johnson

Reprinted with 1996 copyright by American Musicological Society
ISBN 0-89579-342-3
Editor: Thomas L. Riis
Editor In Chief, MUSA: Richard Crawford

included in MUSA's Volume 5:
"The Music and Scripts Of 'In Dahomey' "

found by keberoxu at books.google.com

Subject: Lyr Add: THE PHRENOLOGIST COON (Hogan/Accooe)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 09 Dec 15 - 01:16 AM

This song might be irredeemable, but it certainly is a curiosity.

From the sheet music at Baylor University.

THE PHRENOLOGIST COON
Words by Ernest Hogan, music by Will Accooe, ©1901.

1. Of all the men of history,
'Tis said I's the mystery.
As conjureman I's the king,
For I's well versed in psychology,
Knows all about phrenology.
In ethnology I's the thing.
I can tell you what you are by the feeling of your bump,
And in the myst'ries of the future I can certainly make you jump.
When I has an inspiration, all the future I can see.
I can tell you what you are and was, and what you're gwine to be.

CHORUS: Dat's the reason why they call me the phrenologist coon.
I was born on Friday mornin' with the 'clipse of the moon.
After feelin' of your bump, and your face I've read,
By just feelin' in your pocket, I can tell what's in your head.
Dat's de reason why they call me the phrenologist coon.

2. Now by us scientists 'tis often said,
If a coon has an egg-shaped head,
Means chickens he will steal;
And if his face looks like a frog,
And head shaped like a hog,
He can't keep a secret; he will squeal.
If his head's shaped like a melon, it's no sign that he's insane,
But if his head looks like a bucket, he's got water in the brain.
If his head's shaped like a razor, you can bet that coon will cut.
If his head looks like a billy goat, beware! Dat coon will butt.

Subject: Lyr Add: OH LAWDY (SOMETHING'S DONE GOT BETWEEN...
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 08:22 PM

OH LAWDY (SOMETHING'S DONE GOT BETWEEN EBECANEEZER AND ME)
Words and music by Henry Creamer & Turner Layton, ©1919.
As recorded by Bert Williams, 1919.

1. Ebecaneezer Darktown Jones had fought the whole war through,
But it was on his weddin' day he met his Waterloo.
His bride was waitin' at the church; Jones was on his way
When he butted into a razor fight and there they left him lay.
When the bride received the news,
She loudly sang these blues:

CHORUS 1: Oh, Lawdy! He's done left me in the lurch.
Oh, Lawdy! He'll never reach the church.
Now I know the weddin' bells will ring for him no more.
There goes the undertaker—oh, my!—marchin' to his door.
Oh, Lawdy! Now I can plainly see
That somethin's done got between Ebecaneezer and me.

2. Now if he had to have a fight, why didn't he wait for that?
So many … I know that I could 'a' knocked him flat.
He died right on his weddin' day; now ain't that a measly shame?
Oh, he might 'a' waited until I got the insurance papers in my name.
They say he fought so nice.
I 'spect that's why now he's laid on ice.

CHORUS 2: Oh, Lawdy!, He left me in the lurch.
Oh, Lawdy! He'll never reach the church.
And now since he's dead and gone, and prohibition's here,
We'll take all of these weddin' flowers and place them on his bier.
Oh, Lawdy! Maybe another man I'll seek,
'Cause somethin's done got between Ebecaneezer and me.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs recorded by Bert Williams
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 08:00 PM

And then there's,

"I Want To Know Where Tosti Went When He Said Goodbye?"

Tosti composed "Addio!", not an aria but a song; translated into English it became a sentimental encore often recorded at the very beginning of the history of recorded singers. John MacCormack's recording of "Goodbye [Forever]" is a sterling example. In Bert Williams' day, everyone who heard his act would know of the Tosti song from somewhere.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs recorded by Bert Williams
From: keberoxu
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 07:36 PM

Did not Bert Williams set to music a lyric authored by James Weldon Johnson, no less, titled:

When It's All Goin' Out and Nothing's Comin' In

?

I have heard it sung live. Do you know of it? "Money is de root of evil...."

Subject: Lyr Add: O DEATH WHERE IS THY STING (C A Stout)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 06:16 PM

The following lyrics are from the sheet music at UCLA. When Bert Williams recorded it in 1918, he partly sang and partly recited it; using only the first verse once and the chorus twice. Another recording was made by Arthur Collins in 1919.


O DEATH WHERE IS THY STING
Words and music by Clarence A. Stout, ©1918.

1. Now Parson Brown one Sunday morn was giving good advice.
He warned his congregation to refrain from sin and vice.
He drew a fiery picture 'bout the devil down below,
And said: "Folks, quit your sinnin' or to him you're bound to go.
Why, Hell is full of vampire women, whiskey, gin and dice.
Make Satan get behind you now; prepare for Paradise,
Mose Johnson jumped up from his chair, said: "Parson, is that true?
That Hell is full of what you said? Then let me say to you:

CHORUS: "If what you say is the positive truth, O Death, where is thy sting?
I don't care now 'bout the pearly gates, or [to] hear those angels sing.
With booze and women down below,
Mister devil and I will put on a show.
If what you say is the positive truth, O Death, where is thy sting?"

2. The parson said: "Now, listen, man: How come you talk that way
About 'O Death, where is thy sting?' Now listen what I say:
I've tried to keep you in the path that has no crooks or turns,
And told you never play with fire, because fire always burns.
You care not now for pearly gates, or hear those angels sing.
Remember you can't fly with us, 'cause you won't have no wings."
Mose Johnson then said: "Parson, what you have said might be so,
But where there's booze and chickens, I prefer to go below. CHORUS

Subject: Lyr Add: NOT LATELY (Deacey/Prince)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 05:35 PM

From the sheet music at Baylor University:


NOT LATELY
Words by E. Deacey, music by Charles A. Prince, ©1922.
As recorded (as a recitation with music accompaniment) by Bert Williams, 1922.

1. I was so cute when I was young.
My name was on most ev'ry tongue.
The gals 'round home would fight to see
Which one would hold me on her knee,
And if perchance I should weep,
They'd put me in their beds to sleep.
That was the way it used to be,
But not lately.

CHORUS 1: Not lately, no sirree!
Not lately, not for me.
Things don't seem to be comin' my way,
Not lately.
The huggin' and kissin' they gave me then,
They're givin' now to other men.
I thought my chance would come again,
But not lately.

2. I got a job in a coal mine,
'Cause work like that's right in my line.
At meal time in my boardin' place,
Landlady asked: "Did yer wash yer face?"
I thought she was tryin' to kid.
I said madam, of course I did.
I used to bathe 'most reg'larly,
But not lately.

CHORUS 2: Not lately, no, Mammee.
Not lately, not for me.
Water does not agree with me now,
Not lately.
'Cause you know prohibition's a new cause of crime.
When you could get a drink for a dime,
Then I'd use water ev'ry time,
But not lately.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs recorded by Bert Williams
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 05:08 PM

NOBODY has been posted in another thread, here, and there is another version earlier in that thread.

Subject: Lyr Add: NEVER MO' (Rogers/Williams)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 03:22 PM

NEVER MO'
Words by Alex Rogers, music by Bert Williams.
(Recitation with music accompaniment.)
As recorded by Bert Williams, 1915.

Mister Edgar Allan Poe
Had a raven-bird, just a plain old crow.
The crow was a pet and used to set above the do'
Of Mister Poe
And just keep on quotin' "Nevermo'! Nevermo'!"
'Course that was a long time ago,
And 'course I, I's not Mister Poe.
I has no dough and I has no crow,
But here is one thing I do know:
If that old crow with his "Nevermo'"
Had been through what I have, I'm sho'
He would quote much mo' than "Nevermo'."
If crowie know'd some things I know,
He'd say "Nevermo'," and then some mo'!

Seems like Mister Poe loved this Miss Leno',
But she done died long time ago.
'Course I don't know if Mister Poe
Knowed Miss Leno' was dead for sho',
But if he did know and still cried to go,
Well, 'course, as I foresaid, I'm not Mister Poe,
And I ain't cryin to get to no Leno',
'Specially with her done dead long, long ago.
Oh, no! Now my wife's name ain't Leno'.
No sir! Her name is Flora; they just calls her plain Flo,
And she ain't dead, and what's mo',
To where she lives is just a block or so.
But does you hear me cryin' to get to Flo?
Nevermo', no sir, and then some mo'!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs recorded by Bert Williams
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 01:36 AM

MY LAST DOLLAR was posted in another thread, here.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE MOON SHINES ON THE MOONSHINE (DeWitt/
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 01:18 AM

From the sheet music at York University:


THE MOON SHINES ON THE MOONSHINE
Words by Francis De Witt, music by Robert Hood Bowers, 1920.
"Sung with sensational success by Bert Williams"

1. The mahogany is dusty.
All the pipes are very rusty,
And the good old-fashioned "musty"
Doesn't musty anymore.
All the stuff got bum and bummer
From the middle of the summer.
Now the bar is on the hummer,
And "For Rent" is on the door.

CHORUS: How sad and still tonight,
By the old distillery!
And how the cobwebs cob
In the old machinery!
But in the mountaintops,
Far from the eyes of cops,
Oh, how the moon shines on the moonshine so merrily!

2. Goodness me, how mis'ry doubles!
Ain't one thing to use for bubbles
For to drown away your troubles.
Now the tide has gone and went.
Days and night are getting bleaker,
Shiv'ring for an old time sneaker.
Even water's getting weaker,
'Bout one tenth of one percent.

CHORUS: How sad and still tonight,
By the old distillery!
And how the mourners mourn
By the lager brewery!
So, mister, if you please,
Don't let nobody sneeze
Up where the moon shines on the moonshine so stillily.

Subject: Lyr Add: LONESOME ALIMONY BLUES (Tracey/Hanley)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 08 Dec 15 - 12:37 AM

LONESOME ALIMONY BLUES
Words by William G. Tracey, music by James F Hanley, 1920, from Ziegfeld Midnight Frolic.
As recorded by Bert Williams, 1920.

Listen, brother if you are married,
And have a wife who's sweet and kind,
You just keep away from temptation.
Let no other gal worry your mind,
'Cause if you do,
Oh, the judge is gonna get to you.

Never carry letters round you,
'Cause all your secrets they do tell.
And when your wifey sees, your freedom you'll lose,
Settin' in a jailhouse cell.
Though the sun comes down on everyone,
It never comes on you.
Outside you hear the people walkin';
You hear the people talkin'.
There's no one for you to talk to.
No use askin' what the time is.
You ain't got no place to go.
You needn't even bother 'bout gettin' shade,
'Cause no one's gonna see your face.
You ain't heard nothin' yet, brother.
You ain't even got a cigarette.
You're readin' papers six months old, can't get no news,
So I repeat:
Do you hear me?
So I'm gonna repeat:
Don't cheat your wife.
Try and live a happy married life,
Or else you'll find yourself with those lonesome alimony blues.

So I repeat: don't cheat your wife.
Live a happy married life,
Or else you'll find yourself with those lonesome alimony blues.

Subject: Lyr Add: THE LEE FAMILY (Rogers/Vodery)
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 07 Dec 15 - 11:33 PM

I found a set of lyrics here, which were very helpful, but they are different from what Bert Williams actually "sang" (recited, actually), so I made a lot of corrections:


THE LEE FAMILY
Alex Rogers & Will H. Vodery, 1916.
As recorded by Bert Williams, 1916.

Jasper Lee's done sold his farm, and bought himself a house in town,
Since he's been left that money by his aunt Maria Brown.
Well, sir, you talk 'bout money changin' people—why, Jasper Lee's gone and changed his name,
And the names of his twelve children, and claims that it is his aim
That all of his folks shall have names just like them that he sees around
In the streetcars, and on the fences, and 'specially on them electric signs all 'round town.

So now 'Lijah—that's the tall boy—they call him Bull Durham Lee.
Susie, she's September Morn, and Tildy's Miss Tiffany Lee.
Celia now is Coca-Cola, and she just puts on airs for sho',
And they calls Dan Danderine, and Oscar now is Ostermoor.
Then there's S'polio and Herpicide, Gold Dust and White Rose Tea,
And Jasper, he calls hisself Anheuser-Busch Green River Wilson Lee.

Now the eldest gal, Sophrony, of course, she was kind o' keen,
So while they's round that after pickin' and choosin', they just called her Orangene Vaseline.
Yes, sir, and Mrs. Jasper was really so hard to suit, that they all decided that she
Should go right on ahead and just choose her own name, and she picked out Pianola Lee.
And they named the baby boy Hallud—that's the littlest one—that name of Bible fame.
You know where it says Hallud in scripture? Yeah! "Hallud be thy name."

Now Cephas—that's the oldest boy—they call him Cuticura Lee.
And Nancy she's Miss Uneeda, and Bill, he's B. C. D.(?)
Joshuay, now he's Jap-a-lac, yessir; Mandy is Maltine.
Rastus now they call White Rock Lee, and Phoebe is Miss Pearline.
And don't you know that Jasper's gone and changed his name again? He has that; calls himself Nero Lee.
That's another one o' them scripture names, where it says: "Nero my God to thee."

* * *
I looked up as many names as I could, mainly to verify spelling. Here's what I found:
1. Bull Durham
2. September Morn
3. Tiffany
4. Coca-Cola
5. Danderine
6. Ostermoor
7. Sapolio
8. Herpicide
9. Gold Dust
10. White Rose Tea
11. Anheuser-Busch
12. Green River
13. Pianola
14. Cuticura
15. Uneeda
16. Jap-a-lac
17. Maltine
18. White Rock
19. Pearline

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Songs recorded by Bert Williams
From: keberoxu
Date: 06 Dec 15 - 11:13 PM

Isn't Bert Williams the man of whom W.C. Fields said,
the funniest man I ever saw,
the saddest man I ever knew?