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BS: First Joke Thread of 2017

Mrrzy 25 Sep 17 - 10:08 AM
Jim Carroll 25 Sep 17 - 06:31 AM
Donuel 25 Sep 17 - 06:14 AM
Mr Red 25 Sep 17 - 04:42 AM
Mrrzy 24 Sep 17 - 11:46 AM
Donuel 24 Sep 17 - 11:42 AM
Donuel 24 Sep 17 - 11:15 AM
Donuel 23 Sep 17 - 11:54 AM
Joe_F 20 Sep 17 - 06:02 PM
Joe_F 19 Sep 17 - 09:48 PM
Steve Shaw 19 Sep 17 - 03:34 PM
Peter the Squeezer 19 Sep 17 - 03:13 PM
Donuel 19 Sep 17 - 12:58 PM
Steve Shaw 12 Sep 17 - 07:51 PM
Steve Shaw 12 Sep 17 - 03:56 AM
Mr Red 12 Sep 17 - 03:50 AM
Jim Carroll 12 Sep 17 - 03:37 AM
Doug Chadwick 07 Sep 17 - 04:40 PM
Mrrzy 06 Sep 17 - 10:12 AM
frogprince 21 Aug 17 - 09:22 PM
RobbieWilson 21 Aug 17 - 04:13 PM
Mr Red 21 Aug 17 - 02:57 AM
Georgiansilver 18 Aug 17 - 10:49 AM
Donuel 17 Aug 17 - 10:04 AM
Donuel 15 Aug 17 - 11:49 AM
Donuel 14 Aug 17 - 09:30 AM
Jim Carroll 14 Aug 17 - 08:14 AM
Donuel 14 Aug 17 - 07:14 AM
Mr Red 14 Aug 17 - 06:00 AM
Bee-dubya-ell 13 Aug 17 - 06:59 PM
Steve Shaw 13 Aug 17 - 06:34 AM
Donuel 07 Aug 17 - 10:34 PM
saulgoldie 07 Aug 17 - 12:14 PM
Doug Chadwick 06 Aug 17 - 05:37 PM
Donuel 06 Aug 17 - 02:26 PM
Steve Shaw 06 Aug 17 - 12:46 PM
Donuel 06 Aug 17 - 11:35 AM
Donuel 06 Aug 17 - 10:00 AM
Fossil 05 Aug 17 - 09:58 PM
Steve Shaw 05 Aug 17 - 06:15 PM
Donuel 05 Aug 17 - 05:38 PM
Jim Carroll 02 Aug 17 - 05:28 AM
Jim Carroll 02 Aug 17 - 05:28 AM
Mr Red 02 Aug 17 - 02:42 AM
saulgoldie 01 Aug 17 - 11:37 AM
Black belt caterpillar wrestler 28 Jul 17 - 05:02 PM
Mrrzy 28 Jul 17 - 01:32 PM
Donuel 28 Jul 17 - 10:35 AM
saulgoldie 28 Jul 17 - 10:27 AM
Mrrzy 25 Jul 17 - 07:32 AM
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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Sep 17 - 10:08 AM

"If I can't get a man, then I'll have to get a carrot...
And it's o, dear me, how will it be if I die an old maid in the garret?"


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 25 Sep 17 - 06:31 AM

True story
When I finished my apprenticeship as an electrician I got a job with Liverpool Housing Department doing maintenance
In the office a framed letter from a lady customer hung on the wall reading, "Please send man - have been using candles all week"
Jim Carroll


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Donuel
Date: 25 Sep 17 - 06:14 AM

image: Trump with obvious broken and bleeding nose
caption: Welcome to the NFL!

btw
(some of us remember trump funding the now defunct USFL)


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Mr Red
Date: 25 Sep 17 - 04:42 AM

As I was hurrying to a Irish session a lass was sweeping the carpark of a shop.
Says I (one minute later, unfortunately)

"Don't sweep it under the car, pet"


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Mrrzy
Date: 24 Sep 17 - 11:46 AM

Which reindeer scares dinosaurs?







... guess first ...






Comet!


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Sep 17 - 11:42 AM

Russia 45   - Trump 0


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Donuel
Date: 24 Sep 17 - 11:15 AM

Donald Trump 2   - NFL 7


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Donuel
Date: 23 Sep 17 - 11:54 AM

sign in Maryland yard:

THE SUN IS A HOAX
    at night


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Joe_F
Date: 20 Sep 17 - 06:02 PM

On a questionnaire: Sex (M/F)?
Reply: I prefer to F, but mostly have to M.

On another questionnaire: Use of alcoholic beverages: (1) never, (2) occasionally, (3) frequently, (4) to excess.
Reply: (2) and (4).


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Joe_F
Date: 19 Sep 17 - 09:48 PM

It may just be the placebo talking, but I don't feel any effect at all.


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 19 Sep 17 - 03:34 PM

Another witty bit of van graffiti, scrawled on an extremely dirty white van: "Also available in white."


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Peter the Squeezer
Date: 19 Sep 17 - 03:13 PM

Not so much van graffiti, but a sign spotted on a builders lorry some years ago -

Singh Brothers - Builders
Fed up with the cowboys - try the Indians


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Sep 17 - 12:58 PM

I have a half twin in Puerto Rico. He is addicted to placebos. If he could quit it really wouldn't matter.


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 12 Sep 17 - 07:51 PM

Two shamelessly nicked from Tim Vine's Radio 4 show this evening.

Priscilla, having fished Elvis out of the swimming pool for the tenth time, asks him, "Elvis, why do I have to keep rescuing you from the pool?"

He replies, "I can't help falling in, love..."




"I went to the fairground today and went on a ride. While I was on there, half the time I was laughing my head off and half the time I was in floods of tears.

It was an emotional roller-coaster..."


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 12 Sep 17 - 03:56 AM

My favourite bit of van graffiti was scrawled in tne dirt on the back of a van in Bristol "I wish my wife was this dirty." As we were stuck in a traffic jam I was able to get a photo!


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Mr Red
Date: 12 Sep 17 - 03:50 AM

On that theme -
What is the difference between light and hard?

Well you can go to sleep with the light on.


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 12 Sep 17 - 03:37 AM

Saw a piece of graffiti painted in large letters on the back of an English van in Galway yesterday
"A hard-on does not count as personal growth"
Left me smiling all day
Jim Caaarroll


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 07 Sep 17 - 04:40 PM

"I've come to talk to you about Dog"

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?

He lay awake all night wondering if there really was a Dog.


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 Sep 17 - 10:12 AM

My camping thing theme's was $mas, and I learned this joke:

So these three drunk guys are driving home after a late, late Christmas Eve, and they crash and wind up at the pearly gates with an impatient Peter who just wants to get back to the party, but is feeling expansive. Show me one Christmas thing and you're in, he says. So the first guy takes a lighter out, lights it, and exclaims Christmas lights! and is waved in. The second guy takes out his car keys, shakes them and cries, Christmas bells! and gets waved in. The third guy whips out a pair of panties and waves them. What are those? asks Peter.

Oh, these are Carol's!


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: frogprince
Date: 21 Aug 17 - 09:22 PM

Robbie Wilson, am I reading that wrong? A trumpet isn't a weed instrument.


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: RobbieWilson
Date: 21 Aug 17 - 04:13 PM

An old Scottish one; Did you hear about the trumpeter who found a weed in his garden?


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Mr Red
Date: 21 Aug 17 - 02:57 AM

A knock on the door and standing there are two pooches, one with a briefcase under his arm. The other speaks:




"I've come to talk to you about Dog"


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 18 Aug 17 - 10:49 AM

Bee-dubya-ell this ones for you! What did Delaware boys?


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Donuel
Date: 17 Aug 17 - 10:04 AM

Mr. Woody Allen thank you so much for seeing me, it is an honor.

Well I heard your unusual screenplay has potential.

Honestly that's a first, When Steven Spielberg heard it was about gassing people in large chambers he wouldn't see me and when Quenton Tarantino heard it was about gassing Nazis but they became nice he canceled and when Ridley Scott was told the emergent Nazis did not eat people he never called back.

What is it that the Nazis do exactly.

After they are gassed with Oxytocin they marry Asians, blacks and minorities...by the way it is a Jew who gasses the Nazis.

Your movie is greenlighted!


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Donuel
Date: 15 Aug 17 - 11:49 AM

In defeat Nixon made his famous speech
"You're not going to have Richard Nixon to kick around anymore"
In defeat Trump may indeed say
"You're going to have Donald Trump to stick around forevermore"
"The Gulf of Mexico is now the Gulf of Trump."


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Aug 17 - 09:30 AM

Reporter: What would Armageddon look like in Korea?

General McMasterace: Well it would not be the holocaust people imagine. 10 or 20 million in collateral damage tops. There would be no Armageddon.

Reporter: Then what would it be?

General McMasterace:
It would be more like a, like a kitty cataclysm.


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 14 Aug 17 - 08:14 AM

Here are two 'folk jokes' we included in our cassette album ".... and That's My Story", issued by the Vaughan Williams Memorial Library sometime in the 1980s
Jim Carroll

THREE OLD MINERS Dick Beamish Pontypridd (?), Glamorgan, Wales
Well, er, you see the miner's life is a mixture, like it is in every other phase of life, a mixture of tragedy and humour; and I don't think you'll find anywhere where humour is richer in character than it is in our industry.
Here's a story of the three old miners who had retired. One was well over seventy, the other one was eighty some odd and the oldest was ninety-six. And they were in the eventide of their life; summertime, sitting on the council seat enjoying the sunshine, watching the traffic going back and fore, and they suddenly discussed how they'd like to die.
The youngest, now, of the trio was well over seventy. He said, "Well boys bach," he said, "I've been watching these red sport cars," he said, "that these youngsters have got, travelling back and fore." he said. "I don't know nothing about cars," he said, "but I'd like to get into one of those." he said, "rev up," he said, "that's what I think they call it; sixty, seventy, eighty miles an hour, bang into a lamp post, everything at an end," he said. "That's the way I'd like to die." "What about you, John?" he said, now, the one who was over eighty, now, the second oldest of the trio.
"Well, boys," he said, "I'm a bit more modem than you are," he said. "I've been reading about these sputniks. I would like to volunteer to go into one of those sputniks," he said. "They tell me they go up into the sky. thousands of miles," he said. "I'd like to be up there," he said, "ten thousand miles up, something go wrong with the works, explosion, everything finished: that's the way I would like to go out," he said.
Now the oldest of the trio of these old miners, he w as ninety-six. So they said to him. "You're silent, Robert; haven't you eot some suggestion how you would like to die?"
"Ha, boys," he said, "I've been listening to you two here. Do you know the way I'd like to go out?" he said.
"No, Robert, which way would you like to die?"
"Well, boys, bach, to tell you the truth," he said, "I'd like to be shot by a jealous husband!"
Recorded by Ewan MacColl, Peggy Seeger and Charles Parker, 1961

THE LION TAMER Bob Cann South Tawton, Devon, England
There was this farmworker, you see, out on Dartmoor. He had seven kids, poor sod. Just down the road was another bloke; he had seven kids. The only difference between the two, the bloke down the road was on the dole, the social security, and he was picking up more money than this poor sod working on the farm.
So one day he thought to himself, "If I had the sack, I should be better off." So when he went to work Monday morning the farmer set him out in the field spreading heaps of dung and he went to sleep beside hayrick. This went on with three or four days, you see. So one afternoon the farmer thought he would go and see how he was getting on. When he gets out to the other one, a heap of dung had been spread and he found him asleep. So he kick him in the boots and woke him up and told him to come in and get his cards. So he went in and got his cards.
But the trouble was, you see, the next day he had to go to the labour exchange to sign on. And on the way in, he thought to himself, "Well, I must be clever here, because if I say I'm ... he'll sure to ask me what my occupation is, and if I say I'm a farmworker, there's plenty of farm work about and he'll put me on a farm again."
So off he goes into the office, the bloke behind the office, and he looks up and he says, "Good morning, what can I do for you?"
He says "I'm come in to sign on."
"Oh yes," the bloke said. "In case a job comes up for you, what's your occupation?"
"Oh," he said, "I'm a liontamer."
The bloke said, "What a coincidence," he said. "Yesterday the circus moved into town and the liontamer got mauled by a lion and he's in hospital. Here's your green card, and you go down and take the job."
Couldn't do nothing about it so away he goes down. When he gets there, there was the ringmaster outside the ... outside the cage, you see, and the old bloke was shaking like hell.
And he said, "Well," he said, "I don't think I shall be any good with this job because I can see they lions don't know me, they don't like me."
"Oh," he said, "you'll get used to it after a few mauls and scratches." "Well," he said, "you'll have to tell me what to do."
Well the old bloke said, the old ringmaster said, "That's easy," he said. "All you- do," he says, "you put your hand down, catch hold of a lump of meat," he said, "and throw in over the cage." He said, "You slide open the cage door," he said, "and make sure to slide the cage door shut behind thee," he said, "and make sure never to take your eyes off a lion else he'll have 'ee."
"Oh Christ," he said. "I've got to do..."
"Oh yes," he said.
"Well," he said, "what do I do then?"
Well he said, "You creep over," he said, "grab the meat and pull it away from the lion."
"Christ," he said. "What the hell do I do then?"
"Well," he said, "you'll find the lion coming towards thee, very gently. Then he's a-just about to pounce at 'ee."
"Well," he said, "what the hell do I do then?"
"Well," he said, "you go backwards," he said, "and you'll finish with your back up against the cage," he said, "and just before the lion's going to jump, pounce at thee," he said, "you keep your eye on the lion," he said, "but put your hand down," he said, "pick up a lump of dung and throw it right in his face."
"Oh," he said, "oh," he said, "no, oh," he said, "that's all right," he said, "but suppose there ain't no dung down there?"
He said, "There will be."
Recorded by John Howson, 1987


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Donuel
Date: 14 Aug 17 - 07:14 AM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9ODULb_dyo


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Mr Red
Date: 14 Aug 17 - 06:00 AM

why did the troll cross the road?












he didn't, you can't get shot of the buggers!


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Bee-dubya-ell
Date: 13 Aug 17 - 06:59 PM

You can safely tell this one to a ten-year-old:


What US state is named for a beverage?







Minne-soda.


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 13 Aug 17 - 06:34 AM

A Yorkshireman's wife sadly passes away. He decides to have the words 'She Were Thine' engraved on her headstone.

He calls the mason, explains what he wants, then goes to see the stone a few days later. He takes one look and to his horror, finds the mason has engraved 'She Were Thin.'
He yells at the mason,: "You've left bloody e out, yer daft bugger! Where's bloody e?"

The mason apologises profusely, and assures the widower it'll be right on the day.

The day of the funeral comes. The mourners leave the church and head out to the graveyard. There they see the pristine headstone, upon it inscribed:

"Eee, She Were Thin."


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Donuel
Date: 07 Aug 17 - 10:34 PM

Most assuredly we are all chums Saul. I've been watching a comedy retrospective. The only truth is change, and truth is funny.
The most unfunny topic is describing why something is funny.


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: saulgoldie
Date: 07 Aug 17 - 12:14 PM

Not all that calls itself "humor" or "funny" is. Or at least, not to everyone of every culture of every time period, of every land mass. I have sat through at least several "comedy shows" that absolutely were not. To me, anyway. But others laughed. And some of the pretenders on stage were actually traveling professionals who obviously had some fans.

And some times, I have heard jokes performed that I remember from a bygone era. Funny then, or maybe not. BUT the audience there (now), or at least a number of folks there had not heard these jokes, and laughed raucously.

So here's me, just hoping that we can have a peaceful joke thread where people enjoy what they can and ignore what they can't. Just like in real life where we take beauty and other wonderful things where and how we experience them, and pass by what does not please us.

Thenk yew.

Saul


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Doug Chadwick
Date: 06 Aug 17 - 05:37 PM

A visiting General was due to make an inspection at an army camp. The squaddies had been hard at it polishing, painting and cleaning. When the General came over the hill, he saw the whitewashed buildings and polished brass fittings gleaming in the sunlight. Far from being pleased, he took the Commanding Officer to task for making the camp such an obvious target for the enemy. He ordered the camp to be repainted in camouflage colours before his next visit.

When he returned the next month, he was amazed to find a pastoral scene where the camp should have been - fields of wheat, sheep on the hillside, cows in the pasture, a thatched cottage with a wisp of smoke coming from the chimney.
He had to check his map to make sure he was in the right place. As he made his way towards where thought the gate should be, a tree suddenly ran out in front of his car.
"STAND STILL!" he yelled. The tree came to an abrupt stop, standing to attention and giving a smart salute.
"Do you realise that you have given away an almost perfect deception? Explain yourself!"

"Sorry sir" said the tree. "When a bird made a nest in my hair and laid an egg down the back of my shirt, I stood there for Queen and country."
"When a dog cocked its leg and peed down my leg, I stood there for Queen and country"
" but I draw the line when a squirrel runs up my trousers and shouts: " oh goody, nuts. I'll have one now and save one for winter"


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Aug 17 - 02:26 PM

Why ?   Is it feeding time for trolls?
I only post original crap in which a few good pictures evolve.
As a political cartoonist its what I know.

In all honesty Steve you are a mixed bag of nuts and 'nutrolls'.
As I said humor is regional and writing new humor is hard.
It has to be performed to know if its funny or not.
On a stereotypic average, with the exception of favorites like Cashew Cleese and the gang of Monty Macadamia nuts, Americans find English humor silly and a dry bitter nut to chew. Personally I have never even heard of German humor.
Olde Tymey Irish stories are of course immortal.


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 06 Aug 17 - 12:46 PM

Prove I'm a troll. Post something genuinely rib-tickling, Donuel. Bet you can't.


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Aug 17 - 11:35 AM

Humor is political, local, regional or by gender but personally I like grabbing humor by the country.

memo from Mitch: Sorry about the tumor but we need tu mor votes.

Democrats suck so bad at branding compared to Republican trumped up phrases, that they think it's cruel and inhumane.

The People vs. Human Beings

Trump is a man of the people - Obama was a human being
The People vs. Human Beings - Trump's next lawsuit.
People are shitheads - Humans are eggheads
The People watch football - Humans love Baseball
People love hate - Humans hate those People

100 more...


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Donuel
Date: 06 Aug 17 - 10:00 AM

The cry from your heart is troll BS. The jokes that you steal are all like nutritious turds high in fiber. You think they are funny but you are still eating the same ol' shit. Try something delicious for a change, like Jeff Jefferies.


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Fossil
Date: 05 Aug 17 - 09:58 PM

The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit had the ship's insignia embossed on it. He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.

Cook: "When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven".
Admiral: "That's pretty unhygienic!"
Cook: "In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts!"


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Steve Shaw
Date: 05 Aug 17 - 06:15 PM

I wish to speak. Cri de couer if you like. When I read a post in a joke thread I want to laugh. Life is a vale of tears. Please only post genuinely funny things!

So here's a Tommy Cooper one or two.


My wife complained that her feet hurt. I said: "You've got your shoes on the wrong feet." She said: "But these are the only feet I've got."



I went to the doctor. He said "Say 'ahh.'"

I said "Why?"

He said " Because my dog's just died."


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Donuel
Date: 05 Aug 17 - 05:38 PM

in Chicago right off the Magnificent Mile, Trump Tower scrapes the clouds.
They say on a clear day from the top of Trump Tower you can see Russia.
On cloudy days you still see Russians.


(I wrote and used this in Chicago)


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 02 Aug 17 - 05:28 AM

A Chinese man ran a takeaway in Soho - next door was a strip club run by a Greek
Every night the strip club owner would come in after he had closed his club and ask for - "a chicken flied lice please"
This angered the Chinese man to the extent that he took a crash course in English and stood for hours in front of the mirror carefully pronouncing "Chicken fried rice - chicken fried rice
One night the Greek came in, and asked, as usual, for "a chicken flied lice please"
The Chinese man carefully responded, "don't you mean chicken fried rice, you Gleek plick?"
Jim Carroll


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Jim Carroll
Date: 02 Aug 17 - 05:28 AM

A Chinese man ran a takeaway in Soho - next door was a strip club run by a Greek
Every night the strip club owner would come in after he had closed his club and ask for - "a chicken flied lice please"
This angered the Chinese man to the extent that he took a crash course in English and stood for hours in front of the mirror carefully pronouncing "Chicken fried rice - chicken fried rice
One night the Greek came in, and asked, as usual, for "a chicken flied lice please"
The Chinese man carefully responded, "don't you mean chicken fried rice, you Gleek plick?"
Jim Carroll


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Mr Red
Date: 02 Aug 17 - 02:42 AM

put out a call for actually funny jokes in this thread.

well intellectual jokes you want?

A gladiator went into a bar in downtown Rome. "I'll have a Martinus, barman"
Barman - "Don't you mean a Martini?"
Maximus Glutimus - "If I wanted a double, I would ask for one!".

&

A guy working in a limestone quarry got fed up of being showered in dust so decided to improve himself at university and read Greek literature.
That went "from sub lime to read Aeschylus"


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: saulgoldie
Date: 01 Aug 17 - 11:37 AM

Not a joke!

Comedians are aghast that "Mooch" is gone so quickly. They were hoping to be able to milk that one for at least a couple months, during which time, certainly something else would rear its ugly head. Honestly, Trump has no sympathy for struggling comedians, whatsoever!

Saul


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Black belt caterpillar wrestler
Date: 28 Jul 17 - 05:02 PM

I was just driving home past the local tanning parlour and noticed two ladies standing outside smoking.

I thing they have the sunbeds on the wrong setting.

Robin


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Mrrzy
Date: 28 Jul 17 - 01:32 PM

Picard's ego is large.
How large is it?
It's so large, Temba's arms cannot open wide enough...

(ducking and running for cover)


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Donuel
Date: 28 Jul 17 - 10:35 AM

He is so crazy
How crazy is he?
He is so crazy that when Charles Manson hears the latest Trump fiasco Charlie covers his face in his hands and is heard to say "Oh dear Lord."


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: saulgoldie
Date: 28 Jul 17 - 10:27 AM

OK, OK, I got it! How bout...

He/she/it so ***.
How *** is he/she/it?
He/she/it so *** that...

Like: It's so cold.
How cold is it?
It's so cold that when you pour the whiskey, it freezes before it hits the glass.
And the logger put on his vest, etc.
(Not so funny; just an example.)


I'll start.
How deep in over his head is Trump?
He's in so deep over his head that if he used the last precious few breaths of air in his oxygen tank to go straight to the surface, he'd get a terminal case of the bends!

So, anyone?

Saul


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Subject: RE: BS: First Joke Thread of 2017
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Jul 17 - 07:32 AM

...it drips to her crot-
Chand her face... Lehrer would love that rhyme.

True story:   Saw a guy with a banjo at a winery. I said Oh, I didn't know there was going to be a bonfire!


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Mudcat time: 25 September 3:25 PM EDT

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