Great Put-Downs

Subject: RE: Great Put-Downs
From: fat B****rd
Date: 30 May 17 - 03:23 PM

"If I had a dog looked like you I'd shave it's ass and make it walk backwards"

Subject: RE: Great Put-Downs
From: Newport Boy
Date: 30 May 17 - 12:49 PM

Winston Churchill made a habit of it. In the 1945 election, about his opponent:
"Mr Attlee is a modest man, with much to be modest about."

Subject: RE: Great Put-Downs
From: Mark Ross
Date: 30 May 17 - 12:09 PM

"And now, here's the man who did for Folk Music what pantyhose die for finger fucking!"

Subject: RE: Great Put-Downs
From: Thompson
Date: 30 May 17 - 11:00 AM

Some long-forgotten starlet:
"Oh, I talk exactly like I think."
Putter-downer:
"But more often!"

Subject: RE: Great Put-Downs
From: Dave Hanson
Date: 30 May 17 - 10:52 AM

and again, Bessie Braddock to Winston Churchil, ' Winston you are drunk ' to which Churchill replied ' yes madam and you are ugly, but I'll be sober in the morning '

Dave H

Subject: RE: Great Put-Downs
From: gillymor
Date: 30 May 17 - 10:51 AM

A couple I've heard (though I'm not sure these would qualify as put-downs) credited to Jascha Heifetz:

After a concert a woman said to him "Your Guarneri never sounded so beautiful" and Heifetz then held the violin to his ear and said "Funny, I don't hear anything?"

An admirerer said to him "I'd give anything to play like you" to which he responded "Would you give 16 hours a day for your entire life?"

Subject: RE: Great Put-Downs
From: Vic Smith
Date: 30 May 17 - 10:35 AM

The great American song collector, Frank Warner took the wonderful Frank Proffitt to the Newport Folk festival in its early days. There he heard the amazingly technical playing of Earl Scruggs for the first time.
Frank listened carefully then, "I sure wish I could play the banjo as fast as that," said Frank, " ... and then not do so!"

Subject: RE: Great Put-Downs
From: gillymor
Date: 30 May 17 - 10:12 AM

Once my former wife asked me the infamous question "Do these jeans make me look fat?" Well, she had put on a few pounds and I guess I couldn't pass up this line, "No, it's the fat that makes you look fat."
I did say former wife.

Subject: RE: Great Put-Downs
From: meself
Date: 30 May 17 - 09:58 AM

"Your mind is on vacation, but your mouth is working overtime." - Mose Allison.

(Or as I first heard it sung by an American blues-guitar guy: "Your mind is on vacation, but your mouth has so many jobs to do, it's working overtime.")

"Your eyeballs look like a roadmap; they're looking two different ways;/You've got your false teeth in one hand, your wig in the other,/And you haven't looked this good in days." - from "You Done Tore Your Play-House Down" by ... ?

Subject: RE: Great Put-Downs
From: gillymor
Date: 30 May 17 - 09:52 AM

Long ago 2 of my buddies were in a bar and were pretty blitzed and one of them, Pete, was trying hard to pick up their beautiful barmaid. Pete finally gave up and hauled out his member and said to her "see what you'll be missing out on?" and she responded "That looks like a dick, only smaller."

Subject: RE: Great Put-Downs
From: fat B****rd
Date: 30 May 17 - 09:44 AM

"Excuse me, but you've mistaken me for someone who gives a shit"

Subject: RE: Great Put-Downs
From: Will Fly
Date: 30 May 17 - 08:06 AM

From an early, live Robin Williams performance:

"A mind is a beautiful thing - why waste it?"

Subject: RE: Great Put-Downs
From: saulgoldie
Date: 30 May 17 - 07:41 AM

From Robert Zimmerman:

"I ain't saying ya treated me unkind,
Ya couldha done better, but I don't mind,

*You just sorta wasted my precious time!!*


Saul

Subject: RE: Great Put-Downs
From: GUEST,Ray
Date: 30 May 17 - 07:22 AM

I once heard the late, great, Jake Thackray say to an annoying folk club organiser - "I'm being paid for being a pillock; what's your excuse?"

Subject: RE: Great Put-Downs
From: Georgiansilver
Date: 30 May 17 - 04:45 AM

Lady Astor said to Winston Churchill ''Mr Churchill, if I were your wife, I would put poison in your drink''.... to which Winston replied '' Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it''!!!!

Subject: Great Put-Downs
From: Andy7
Date: 30 May 17 - 04:37 AM

My favourite is from a few years ago, when I was looking for a new guitar. The salesman was giving me various instruments to try.

"This one's got no fret markers," I said, as he handed me one.

Taking it back again, he replied, "If you need fret markers, you don't need a guitar this good!"