BS: stay out of trouble thread

Subject: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Apr 25 - 04:58 PM

Fellow Mudcatters,
I used to have a thread called
stay afloat when others don't.
It lasted a number of years and got so big that it won't load any more.
So it is time to start a fresh thread.

I started the old thread for one reason, and continued for another.
The reason that I continued was because, honestly,
posting to that thread kept me out of trouble.
It kept me from messing up other threads and upsetting fellow members.
And this thread is intended for the same purpose.
So, I'm calling it what it is,
the stay out of trouble thread.

One of my fellow Mudcatters was right when they accused me of wanting attention,
of posting to other threads for that reason.
I've tried to behave better for some time since then,
and I don't know if I am making any progress.
I hope I have matured a little bit more since then.

In the meantime my struggles and foibles will end up here,
where they will help me stay out of trouble.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Helen
Date: 18 Apr 25 - 05:37 PM

keberoxu, I always kept up with your other thread and it helped me to feel hopeful and positive about life in general.

There have been a lot of supportive people in that thread so it has been genuinely a beautiful thread.

I look forward to how this thread will evolve.

And don't listen to the nay-sayers. Stay true to your own path.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Apr 25 - 06:39 PM

Helen, thank you so much.
I too have benefited greatly from others' contributions to the earlier thread.
Some of them, I miss -- where are you, Senoufou/Eliza??
Others are still very much with us.
All are welcome.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Mrrzy
Date: 19 Apr 25 - 11:28 AM

I was just about to (try to) post to the Keeping Afloat gem of a thread, because of not keeping afloat all that well lately, back on anxiolytics, great word, that...

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Donuel
Date: 19 Apr 25 - 04:39 PM

Worrying or basing your realities on what other people claim to think is a fool's errand. Be yourself and be satisfied when you do.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 20 Apr 25 - 11:16 AM

I'm a little bad-mooded today because last week,
I was unable to view my tax returns before
electronically signing and filing them
(a firm prepares the returns for me).
I trust the accounting firm.
They tried to give me access to the returns on file,
which were secure.
But when the authentication page came up, in order to
send a text code for authentication/verification,
they used my landline phone instead of my mobile phone,
so I couldn't get the code.

Ah, well. Things could always be worse. And it's a lovely Easter Sunday.
(If a bit chilly from the strong winds.)

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Mrrzy
Date: 21 Apr 25 - 03:25 PM

The weather was gorgeous here too for zombie jesus day. Last year this got rained out...

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 22 Apr 25 - 04:56 PM

Progress report:
the accounting firm came through for me.
I was able to use my flip phone
to receive a text code for authentication
so that I could view, and print out a hard copy of,
my two tax returns, federal and state.

Mrrzy, sorry to hear that you are back on meds,
obviously, "needs must."

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 22 Apr 25 - 05:36 PM

I'm currently involved in the late US Congressman John Lewis' variety of "Good Trouble" - political action in response to the fool and his friends who run our government. The courts are going to have to insist that our right to free speech is etched in stone and isn't at the prerogative of the narcissist in the White House. We march, sometimes with very rude signs.

It's time consuming; four friends and I attended a march last Saturday, and remarked that we all had other things we'd prefer to do for several hours on a Saturday, but this needs to be done. And for an ultra-conservative county, the 3000+ in attendance astonished everyone, even the marchers!

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 23 Apr 25 - 04:07 PM

I just took a look at the "Give us a song there will ya" thread, upstairs in the music section.
I won't post to that thread, because what I have to say would be too much of a downer.
What I remember is that I was the only one in the family who had to make music at family gatherings, nobody else would do it. I felt like I was being put on display, and I didn't like it.
It would have been a far different experience to have felt included in a gathering where everyone had something to contribute, however modest.
I envy the people who have posted to that upstairs thread who recall gatherings where everyone sang, played, or danced.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 25 Apr 25 - 03:39 PM

Where I am staying, we are at the bottom of a large hill.
At the top of the hill is a Catholic shrine to
Our Lady of the Divine Mercy (Saint Faustina).
This Sunday is Divine Mercy Sunday
and there will be literally thousands of "pilgrims"
descending upon the town and ascending the hill,
many going up and down the hill in, literally, busloads.
There will be loudspeakers amplifying the songs and the homilies.
It's a crowd scene and
the trick is to avoid getting underfoot.
Big sigh of relief by Monday when they have all moved on.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Donuel
Date: 27 Apr 25 - 10:56 AM

The mutual contribution of folk music is one of the great differences between folk and show business.

Sometimes, you can do everything to stay out of trouble, to no avail.
Just because you hit it in the fairway doesn't mean you have stayed out of trouble.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 30 Apr 25 - 06:08 PM

Just today I phoned in to a conference call about family finances.
Since my mother's death, I have had access to resources that I could not ask about before.
The finance specialist brought up some things that were done before he was hired,
and I was able to say, Yes, that was my uncle who made those decisions
and it caused us a lot of grief, in my generation.
Now my generation is the oldest, and we get to look back
and decide how to do things differently.
There is a freedom to this that I never anticipated,
I just expected to be limited for the rest of my life.
So the conference call was a good thing.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 May 25 - 01:27 PM

For a change, something going into the apartment:
from a storage vault, I'm going to move in
three large cartons of books.
I must sort them before the move,
I know I will end up donating/getting-rid-of some of them.
The cartons will be delivered a week from today.

I will be close to where I have been staying,
and I will still be in treatment only on a "day treatment basis.
So I will be keeping appointments several days a week as before.
I'll just be commuting from one town over in order to do so.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Rapparee
Date: 05 May 25 - 01:07 PM

Good advice these days.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 10 May 25 - 01:18 PM

Today I bought a twin-size bed frame;
I already have the mattress and box-spring set, just need the frame.
The bed frame will be delivered next month
to my new home in the retirement community.
It's made in America and of solid wood, so built to last.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 10 May 25 - 02:46 PM

Once you have a bed, a chair, a table, a tea kettle and a cup for coffee or tea you have the basics to build from. It's moving along nicely!

This month I took some time off from my writing blogs and calling political representatives; the heightened attention to all of the 47 administration crimes was causing such a high level of stress that I feared I could bring on a recurrence of the polymyalgia rheumatica (PMR) I suffered in 2015-2018. It is idiopathic, but was most likely caused by the incredible and non-stop stress at work (long story told short - horrible boss forcing out much of the older staff). I was on steroids for 18 months and made the choice to retire and step away, helping to keep it from recurring. Trump inspires the same kind of anger and worry and as important as fighting him is, my continued good health is more important. I'll pace myself, and hope my achy arms and legs are from all of the yard work this month.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 12 May 25 - 09:57 PM

Things are moving rapidly on the retirement community front.
It's a short time ago that I put down the deposit;
I've been told that we can do the closing next week.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 12 May 25 - 11:30 PM

Closing? Is this something you're purchasing, or just leasing?

Good luck with all of the moving.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 May 25 - 07:09 PM

Today I got a look at the apartment with the new paint job.
I choose the paint color from the paint-chip samples that the marketing representative had to show me.
It's a good thing I picked the palest pale pink in the lot.
It looks so much more, er, PINK when it's all over the walls.
Now I'll live with it whether it pleases me or not ... seriously, I like it. It just is really really pink.
Every room in the apartment has the paint: that includes the kitchen and the bathroom, and the hallway to the door. No getting away from it.
Well, it is a small apartment.
And it gets a lot of afternoon sun from the windows facing west,
so the pink paint will really light up in the sunlight.

I also got the paperwork to review over the weekend.
IT's supposed to storm and rain this weekend,
so this is a fitting activity.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 16 May 25 - 07:15 PM

keb, I bet you can find a few art pieces to put up that will pull the eye away from the pink walls. Or will complement it. I put a pink paint in my front hall and like it a lot, it goes well with a greenish Italian tile floor.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Helen
Date: 16 May 25 - 07:35 PM

Yes you can complement or contrast the pink colour. We chose a very hard to describe muted beige with an apricot feel to it. It is like a cream colour but just a little bit darker. We saw it in another house and liked it. It goes with everything, but I especially like the mid tone grey-blue curtains with it.

I'm happy that your life appears to be heading in the right direction.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Charmion
Date: 19 May 25 - 11:36 AM

Keb, the great thing about Mudcat is that people can choose to read what you post -- or not.

I post here to report trivia about burdensome household realities to people who wrestle with the same or similar burdens in the hope of honest and, if possible, positive feedback. I imagine your motives are much the same.

No one has chastised me for whinging about First World problems and clouds of cat hair, but I assume that's because those who are so inclined know better than to peek into a Declutter thread.

Of course, l have my own struggles with keeping out of trouble, so I recognize your strategy.
I admire your determination to keep afloat despite forces that might sink you if you let them. If writing here about your efforts, then I say post on.

ch

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 19 May 25 - 12:47 PM

:-)

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 May 25 - 02:57 PM

Thanks, everyone, I needed to hear that. It really helps.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 21 May 25 - 12:09 PM

Well, the closing just happened this morning.
I paid the entrance fee in its entirety,
and got the keys to the apartment.

It will be a while before my things, including a bed to sleep in,
are moved in, so I won't be spending nights there.
But I'll be in and out, loading things out of the car trunk
and occasionally having meals there.

Before the big moves happen,
my chorus has to have its annual concert with
a whole week of rehearsals leading up to it,
so I plan on getting through that event first.
We even rehearse the evening of Memorial Day.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 24 May 25 - 02:50 PM

The dashboard of my car has the Low Tire Pressure light on today.
Nothing looks totally flat, although one tire looks slightly lower.
Just the thing for a holiday weekend when nothing is open (to get it looked at).

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 24 May 25 - 05:07 PM

keberoxu, you must get yourself one of those little battery-operated compressors to keep in the trunk. I have given them to the kids for their cars and keep one in mine. Meanwhile, see if there are any places like 7-Eleven, they often have a tire pressure station (a quarter is usually enough to inflate the problem tire). Good luck with that!

How are your concert rehearsals going?

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Helen
Date: 24 May 25 - 05:52 PM

SRS & keberoxu, I have a neat manual foot pump tyre inflator, no battery required, always ready to go, with a very readable pressure gauge dial, and not very expensive. I keep it in the car boot, i.e. trunk.

keb, I am happy to see that you are ready to move into your own place and that you are also in music rehearsals. As I keep saying, per ardua ad astra, through adversity or struggles to the stars.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 27 May 25 - 04:29 PM

My auto tire has been de-cluttered of one short, fat nail.
Good thing I got it looked into.
The service people patched up the tire and didn't charge me anything.
I feel very relieved.

After a cold rainy previous week,
we have early summer=like weather here, all sunny and warm.
If I weren't stressed and tired from the impending move and concert,
I would enjoy it more; so I enjoy it the little that I may.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: robomatic
Date: 28 May 25 - 03:23 PM

As for staying out of trouble, I'm sure I've already writ this, but we are all aware of the 'ancient Chinese curse':
May you live in interesting times
to which a co-worker of mine was fond of adding:
"and may you come to the attention of those in authority"

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 28 May 25 - 05:45 PM

I've always thought that "interesting times" was a particularly prescient curse. Those who think it would be a good thing have never lived through interesting times.

Let's hope we all survive them.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: MaJoC the Filk
Date: 29 May 25 - 10:16 AM

> "and may you come to the attention of those in authority"

That's when the times in quetion become *really* interesting. Well cursed, o wise Robomatic.

Full disclosure: From (fading) memory, I first came across an alleged Chinese blessing: "May you live in uninteresting times." Not that the search engines admit it .... which is itself, erm, interesting.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 02 Jun 25 - 06:40 PM

Tuesday June 17 is the day that the new bed is delivered
to my new home; I can't sleep there before then.
It isn't the bed that is holding things up, it is the
delivery schedule where I bought the bed.
Well, I'll survive well enough. I can still stay where I am until then.

In a day or two we will have June, or even July, temperatures.
But today felt more like early May, cool as it was even with the sun shining.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 02 Jun 25 - 10:34 PM

How close is the establishment where you're staying now to the apartment you'll move into? Will you still be close enough to participate in the concerts you've done over the last couple of years?

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 04 Jun 25 - 08:21 AM

It's one town over, Stilly, an easy commute, and
yes, I'll still be a member of the chorus.

I went to the old apartment yesterday, where they were installing the new kitchen cabinets.
It occurred to me that chances are good that
the new appliances will still be sitting on the living room carpet
when the movers come,
and we will have to maneuver around
the refrigerator, the stove, and the bathroom cabinet as
we pack up and move all the boxes and the furniture.
O expletive deleted.

But I packed one chair out to my car, so that
I will have someplace to sit in the apartment
while everything is being moved in.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Jun 25 - 06:10 PM

Monday June 9 is the day of the "everything but the bed" move.
In other words, that is the day that
I vacate my old apartment and hand over the keys.
I hired movers, of course;
they have moved me before and done good work.
It's going to be an expensive day.
They charge by the hour,
and we have to drive across the state of Massachusetts
in order to move me into my new home,
so the job may indeed take up almost all day.

I will stay near my old apartment in a hotel this weekend,
doing the last-minute stuff that has to be done.
And with my luck, it will be raining.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 05 Jun 25 - 06:20 PM

On another topic, that of the retirement community I moved to.
Sad news came out this week.
Everybody who knows the retirement community has been telling me
about a resident there, 'You must meet him.'
He is a retired music critic, specializing in classical music,
and well liked and respected. Also very elderly.
Sadly, he died seven days ago. He was 94.
So he and I just missed each other.

At the end of his life, he was active in editing and writing for
the retirement community resident newsletter
which is published from September to June and takes the summer off.

When the June issue of the newsletter had been printed,
the news of his death was too late --
so the editors printed out one loose page of appreciation, made copies,
and stuck the loose page in among the stapled pages of the newsletter.
It is plain that he will be very much missed.
And there is one last article by him in the issue,
about the upcoming season of the Tanglewood Festival in Berkshire County.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 07 Jun 25 - 01:35 PM

As I suspected, it is a rainy weekend,
in fact today is all about thunderstorms and heavy rain.
Luckily I started early in the morning
and got the driving-around part done before the rain kicked in.

The good news is that on the day of the move, Monday,
it will be very cool, rain or no rain.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 09 Jun 25 - 03:05 PM

The movers got me out of my old apartment once and for all,
and they just left the new apartment
(but I am using a public computer elsewhere, got in my car and drove there).

It feels unreal, it happened so fast. No problems,
the things I worried about were easily seen to and taken care of.
I'm actually very fortunate.
Even the weather cooperated, it stayed cool.

Still can't sleep there. The bed frame is delivered next week.
But I can (aaargh) unpack there.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 11 Jun 25 - 05:23 PM

I just went through something that is typical of the adventures that happen in long-term residential treatment.

Next week, I move out, for good, of the on-campus residence at the treatment center where I have lived for almost four years.
We have program meetings at the residence two days a week.
On my last program meeting, we will commemorate my stay there with some modest treats.

One of our fellow patients residing there has become the house's problem child;
an ironic designation considering that he is a senior citizen and probably the oldest of all of us.
He is given a lot of slack by us, and by the therapeutic community in general, because he was horribly abused and traumatized in childhood
and his prospects once he gets out of treatment are very limited.
I won't give a laundry list of his problem behaviors.
But he is a party person, has to be the life and soul of the party,
and if there isn't a party he will start one himself.

I was startled when my therapist told me that she had received a somewhat incoherent voicemail from this patient talking all about a party for me. Unhappy, too, as this is a boundary breach.
It turns out that the patient intended that voicemail as an invitation, and he "invited" two other staffpersons as well.

So I had to tell the patient that I am uncomfortable with his party idea
and I wanted it to be just us residents at my final meeting.
Thankfully he was in a good mood and he took it calmly,
and said he would disinvite the three people he had invited.
Which means my therapist is going to get another voicemail telling her not to show up after all, I suppose.

I will look back on this one day and it will all be very funny.
At the time, however, it has been upsetting.
We had a program meeting today, which this patient did not bother to attend, and of course we ended up talking all about the one person who was not present and how we are all at a loss to confront him when it is so difficult to get him to appreciate any viewpoint other than his own. At least it felt good for me to hear that others in the household understand my unhappiness with the situation and support me making my needs and wishes known. So that helped me confront the man and ask for what I needed.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Helen
Date: 11 Jun 25 - 05:41 PM

I was talking to a friend yesterday who has been in a relationship with a man for over 20 years and what she said yesterday is almost the same as what you said. "...at a loss to confront him when it is so difficult to get him to appreciate any viewpoint other than his own".

I feel helpless to know how to support her especially when she is trying to negotiate acceptable outcomes in one-to-one conversations with him.

It is good that the people around you are supportive.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Stilly River Sage
Date: 11 Jun 25 - 06:15 PM

Helen, as long as you don't invite her to keberoxu's party, you'll be ok! ;-) (Moving on is one way to deal with it, if she feels unheard and unappreciated. But that is a huge step in itself.)

Reading up on the things one should consider taking to protest marches (a whole bunch coming on on Saturday, June 14). Staying out of trouble involves carrying along first aid for pepper spray or tear gas, face masks, safety goggles, and bail money.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: Helen
Date: 11 Jun 25 - 08:00 PM

Yes, SRS, we were discussing her options and I asked her why she doesn't give him the heave-ho. It wouldn't be an easy conversation but if she can stick to her decision she might just regain some of her real self, which he has whittled away over the two decades. Fingers crossed.

Protest march supplies list: don't forget to take a water bottle and probably some food in case it is a long day. Stay safe, have a peaceful protest. I hope it goes well.

The protests are getting stronger and are happening in more places so maybe the message will finally get through.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 15 Jun 25 - 06:48 PM

I knew it would happen eventually.

People in the retirement community have been greeting me in the halls.
They know me as "new resident" since, with my permission,
my photograph was posted in a prominent place.
So they recognize my face, and they saw my apartment number on the photograph.

And for the first time today I encountered someone
whose welcome made me feel like, Oh, no, this one is clingy.
I dread clingy people. This one had a hovering quality,
and I just wanted to get away from her.

Today, however, my photograph has been removed, and replaced by
two photographs of even newer residents, as more people move in.
One of them is moving right next door to me.
I haven't met her, but I met her daughter who is helping her move in.

It was Father's Day here, and
the menu was roast beef, mashed potatoes, and apple pie
( although alternates were available). Filled me up.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 16 Jun 25 - 07:11 PM

Some weeks back, probably on the earlier stay afloat thread,
I posted about a friend, in a priory of Dominican friars,
whose community might have to leave their on-campus residence.

The good news is that the friars can stay in their residence.
The bad news is that their Catholic college may go under:
"It depends on who you talk to," says my friend.
School is out for the summer now, and big decisions have to be made, I gather.
These are difficult times, you don't have to be an Ivy League institution to be feeling the heat, I think.

My friend the friar accepted the assignment to join a group of fellow friars
in recording three-minute reflections on the scripture reading of the day.
They can be seen on YouTube, and he admits that he never looks at his own recordings,
because he feels so uneasy when he films them.
But it's nice for me to get a glimpse of someone I have not seen in years.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 18 Jun 25 - 04:05 PM

Waking up in a strange place was uncomfortable: strange bed, stuffy room.
My old room was above the basement of the house with a floor vent,
and there was always cool air circulating in the room.
And today is a stifling hot humid day, the kind where the odd thunderstorm breaks out.

There is something to look forward to next month.
I am not that far away from the Williamstown Theater Festival,
with summer stock theater going on.
Their big production this summer is
Tennessee Williams' "Camino Real."
It is different from the usual Tennessee Wiiliams play.
It is high fantasy, with characters from Casanova to Don Quixote.
It takes place in the afterlife, and ends up being philosophical:
many souls are bound in a region ruled by fear,
and yet a few, like Don Quixote, transcned that region for something more heavenly.
I have never seen the play, it is rarely staged anywhere;
but I studied it carefully some years ago.
And I hear that, in the right hands, it is a powerful experience.

The retirement community has a bunch of us going together, which will be nice.

Subject: RE: BS: stay out of trouble thread
From: keberoxu
Date: 19 Jun 25 - 04:44 PM

There was an awkward moment at supper the other night.
Supper at the retirement community is a highly social affair, unlike lunch.
The residents who come to supper come to see and be seen, and to make conversation.
As the newest resident, I was invited to sit at a table for eight -- there were only seven of us actually.
The other residents all knew each other and were comfortable conversing together.

The talk turned to the No Kings protests, with the table wholly in favor of them.
But the resident next to me misinterpreted my silence.
I'm not the talkative kind, in spite of how much I write or post,
and I had not said anything while they were talking about the protests.
And this one resident judges people by how cleverly they talk.
So she turned to me to offer her commiserations over the fact that I had obviously voted for Trump, and I stopped her with,
"I did NOT vote for Trump."
In fact that exchange shut down the whole table for a minute or so.

This woman is a talker, plainly, and earlier in the evening she had observed that a man she knew was actually very smart,
but when she first met him she didn't think much of his intelligence.
I"m reading things into this, but I take it to mean that
the man also kept silence when she expected him to dance verbally with her,
and she misinterpreted his silence as she did mine.
I really mistrust people who live to talk.

Anyway, the others at the table gave no offense in any way,
and they were very kind to me, in spite of my silence.
So overall it was not a bad experience, just awkward for a minute.