Song Challenge! Part 9

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: rich-joy
Date: 30 Oct 05 - 12:02 AM

Thanks for the reference to this thread, Amos - lotsa larfs! - not come across these before!!!


Cheers! R-J

printmaking jokes/songs, eh Nerd - bit of a challenge, I'd say?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: GUEST,nerd
Date: 14 Apr 05 - 03:10 PM

i want to hear printmaking jokes!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Aug 01 - 12:51 PM

Chips and Malt Vinegar

Since I've arrived here in the South
I've put lots of strange things in my mouth
Chitlins, grits and collards too
But there's one thing missing I'm telling you.

{soc}
Chips and malt vinegar is the only way to go
I ate 'em the other day when I was in Chicago
Can't get 'em in Georgia, but I gotta say
Chips and malt vinegar is the only way
{soc}

Chips here are those crunchy things
that come in plastic bags
But when they're served in Restaurants
It makes my finger wag

The best ones they are twice fried
and servered in paper cups
Smothered in malt vinegar
yeah eat those frenchies up

{chorus}

This town really needs a chip stand
If you know what I mean
barbecue and Waffle House
Are the only scene

Twice fried potatoes
Covered up with malt
Put a stand on main street
Make that traffic halt

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 18 Aug 01 - 06:09 PM

(Note to Self: Never read song entries for Song Challenge! Part 9 on an empty stomach . . .)

Here you go, guys. You all just keep amazin' me!!

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster (The Shamrock Cluster is awarded for a very high level of imagination, imagery, and/or creative use of language in a song):

Drooling by Mmario
Nettle Champ by derrymacash


-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: MMario
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 12:19 PM

DROOLING
(tune: Green Acres Theme Song)

Car-bo-hydrates are the thing I crave
High Protien diet's just depraved
Lobster and bacon may just suit you fine
But I would kill for Pasta with some wine!

Wheat bread is what I want to chew
I want some rice, and 'taters too!
What good is it when I lose weight
If my cravings I can never slake?

Hot Toast!
Beef Roast!
Pancakes!
fresh Hake!

This is my diet! Stomach, be QUIET!
Fat cells, you're out of here!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: MMario
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:56 AM

boiled their not bad...I mean - he could be eating skunk cabbage.

Milkweed buds aren't bad, much better then the young pods.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: SharonA
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:45 AM

Lemme get this straight... you EAT nettles. And you LIKE them. (And Mmario says I'M the one with a twisted mind...)

Then again, I shouldn't knock 'em till I've tried 'em. After all, I DO eat artichokes, and I like THEM... (steamed, with lemon butter! Yum!)

Is "champ" pronounced like it appears to be (short for "champion"), or like "camp"? Or "chomp"? Or "comp"?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Aidan Crossey
Date: 17 Aug 01 - 11:31 AM

Nettle champ is a simple dish. First pluck the young leaves of stinging nettles - enough to fill a bucket. Boil them in milk for 15-20 minutes. Make sure they remain covered in milk at all times. At the same time boil a big saucepan full of spuds. When the spuds are cooked to perfection add the nettles and the milk in which the nettles have boiled and mash to a very fine consistency. Serve as a large dollop - make a "crater" in top of the dollop and lob in a huge knob of butter. (TIP : If you've not made nettle champ before, add the nettles to the spuds before adding the milk. Then add the milk a little at a time. The intention is to aim for a soft, NOT sloppy consistency! And make sure you BOIL the nettles. This denatures the sting.)

NETTLE CHAMP (to the tune of "The Man From Mullingar"
You may sing and shout and boast about your souffles and your flans
Your kormas and your ragouts and your fancy coq-au-vins
I've tried them all as 'round this world my weary way I've tramped
But there's not a dish could hold a light to a bowl of nettle champ

CHORUS
Forget about your lobster and your salmon
Your sirloin, t-bone, rack of ribs and gammon
No masterchef's invention could ever hold a lamp
To a knob of butter melting in a bowl of nettle champ

I nibbled on a truffle once, I wasn't much impressed
Likewise some Russian caviar, a little bit to test
Some venison on which I'm told the chef had placed his stamp
But they only made me hanker for a bowl of nettle champ

CHORUS

Well it's true that I'm no gastronome, I like my cooking plain
Sauces, gravies, coulis are served to me in vain
I don't need sprigs of parsley placed so as to vamp
Up the simple presentation of me bowl of nettle champ

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Hyperabid
Date: 28 Feb 00 - 07:00 AM

In which case I am truly honoured

Hyp

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 28 Feb 00 - 06:34 AM

If it's found in a field with cows and is round, brown, stinky and sends up steam in the morning air, we're talking about the same thing there, Hyperabid! Although, in the 'Chip' form, it is a rare thing indeed; capable of being burned for fuel OR being tossed like a frisbie at sports events.

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Hyperabid
Date: 28 Feb 00 - 04:33 AM

Hmm a cow chip?

Is that what we in the UK would call a pattie on the backie?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Troll
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 09:50 AM

Not from MY body! Thats fer DANGED sure.

troll

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 09:12 AM

Troll --

You write with your clothes ON?

So where do you get your inspiration?

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Micca
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 06:12 AM

I have got me an award that will have pride of place on my Mantle, with Harp ribbons yet, will look good on my resume as well, Chemistry , Biochemistry and writing rude songs... what more sould you ask.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: The Shambles
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 05:51 AM

Write the UNI-VERSE Again.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: The Shambles
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 05:47 AM

OOPS!

Write the UNI-VERSE

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: The Shambles
Date: 23 Feb 00 - 05:44 AM

Well done to all the winners but there is no time to rest.

I have the ULTIMATE callenge write here Write the UNI-VERSE

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Troll
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 11:40 PM

WOWSERS! With a shamrock cluster yet!

I'd like to thank all those( Amos,MMario, Bert and others too numerous to mention)whose work inspired me to try writing again after a long dry spell. Thanks to you all.Writing is the most fun you can have sittin' down with all your clothes on.

troll

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 11:36 PM

Ahh...I don't know..I'm not into the bawdy stuff. I like cleverly funny stuff better, but sometimes that tends to confuse people--like chemistry jokes--"Introducing Ethyl and The Ketones! They're your basic group...here to sing their song 'The Double Bond!' Yahoo!" Oh well...at least it isn't jokes about quantum physics!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Barky
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 11:28 PM

YAY! I actually got somethig... no... two things!, on my first try! I'm so proud of myself. And, Mbo? I'm sure you have a dirty enough mind, just haven't gotten to those depths yet. =0)

~Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 08:54 PM

One day I'm a-gonna get me another one of those Harp Ribbons--but I don't think I have a dirty enough mind.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 08:51 PM

Wow!! I Finally got me a Blue Smoked Cow Chip! Yeeehaa!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 08:51 PM

Wow!! I Finally got me a Blue Smoked Cow Chip! Yeeehaa!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 07:55 PM

Wow!! I Finally got me a Blue Smoked Cow Chip! Yeeehaa!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 07:55 PM

Wow!! I Finally got me a Blue Smoked Cow Chip! Yeeehaa!!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 06:48 PM

**************SONG CHALLENGE! WINNERS*****************

Read 'em and weep, y'all! Thanks to all the returning Challenge!rs and all you rookies -- You've managed to set a brandnew world record for the Mudcat SONG CHALLENGE! - 20 SONGS -- the most ever composed for a single challenge!! With no more adue, here are the awards:

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award:
Spam by Barky
This Is My Cheese by Hyperabid
You're Making Me Hungry!! by Callie

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Shamrock Cluster:
Built For Flavor by Praise
Food Of You by Amos
How The Salty Dog Got That Way by Hardiman the Fiddler's "Best Wife" (a/k/a Praise)
I Draw The Line by Troll
Montee, The Pasta Dog by katlaughing
My Hotdog Had Puppies by Mbo
Oh Bulgur! by Mbo
The Day My Ice Cream Fell by Jeri
Today The Chocolate Left Me Brown by Callie

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Harp Ribbon:
Ghost Custard by Micca
Leftoverture by Lonesome EJ

Winners of the Golden Cow Chip Award with Cleigh's Blue Fume Shield:
Mother Hubbard's Blues by McGrath of Harlow
Po' Food Blues by Praise
Sub-Chef Food Poisoning Blues by Amos
The SPAM Blues by Barky

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Mbo
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 06:26 PM

I don't need a bed of lettuce
Cause lettuce withers away
What I need is some onion seed
And someone with strong pots
And gentle pans
To bake me like a ham.


--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 05:54 PM

Hath I indeed. Then, since you choose to be shirty about it, I shall hathaway. ("Well, you won't Hathaway with me!", she replied shirtily, and cuffed him for his trouble right on the button. Just goes to show that a girl isn't always what she seams, no matter what the boy-os collar.)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 05:50 PM

Thanks indeed. However, you hath your nerve correcting me.:)

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 05:30 PM

LEJ, you're too good for words.

But let me say quickly and without offense that "hath" is 3rd person singular. First person is "have" even in Elizabethan. Or "ha'".

I love your rhymin' rhythms man. You scan bigtime.

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: GUEST,LEJ
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 05:11 PM

Alas, I hath blown the Second Stanza! Should have been

".... the Cheddar stale and stoney
Something hard and brown was found in a Tupperware container
This I discarded in the Sinke, where it hung up in the Drainer."

and hence on to "I was beside myself by now..."

LEJ

Subject: Lyr Add: VIRTUE (Brian Leo)
From: MMario
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 05:11 PM

okay - this is third person, becuase that's how I sing it - though Diane and Brian do it with Diane singing first person. and I know that Brian would prefer that you mention where you got it if at all possible when you sing it, as this is one that people are beginnning to consider "traditional" and it is his copyright.

VIRTUE (Brian Leo)

She's looked along the highways and she's looked among the trees
She's looked through every hither and yon, and blistered both her knees
She even went to chapel, and looked under every pew
But it's surely gone, bejesus, and she don't know what to do!

Won't somebody help her look for it?
She'll search until the dawn
for it seems she's lost her virtue
and she don't know where it's gone.

Her mother says a good girl keeps it tight between her thighs
But never-the-less it has no colour, shape, or even size.
She looked and looked for hours there, but it's nowhere to be found.
So it seems she must have dropped it, and it's somewhere here around


Won't somebody help her look for it?
She'll search until the dawn
for it seems she's lost her virtue
and she don't know where it's gone.

Her father says it's precious and to guard it with her life
to save it up and give it away to the man who'll call her wife
He says she mustn't sell it, thats a mortal sin they say
so that now that she has lost it, surely there'll be hell to pay!

Won't somebody help her look for it?
She'll search until the dawn
for it seems she's lost her virtue
and she don't know where it's gone.

Now darlin' tom the miller's son, her special friend is he,
he listened to her woeful tale, with heartfelt sympathy
he says he'll help her find it, if she'll meet him by the brook
for he has a special took, says he,
that knows just where to look!
Won't somebody help her look for it?
She'll search until the dawn
for it seems she's lost her virtue
and she don't know where it's gone.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 05:08 PM

LEJ Done it Again!!! Oyez, Oyez!! LOL!!

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: GUEST,LEJ
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 05:06 PM

Leftoverture

With Hunger was I overcome, until I had the Jitters
'Twas then I ventured to the Fridge, in search of Apple Fritters
Alas, a scamp had bested me (may some vile blackguard slap her)
The fritters all had been purloined, leaving naught but an empty wrapper!

A Sandwiche, thought I, might suffice- with Cheese, Bread and Baloney..
But woe, the Lunchmeat greenish was, the Cheddar stale and stoney!
I was beside myself by now, like Milli and Vanilli
When I found, beneath the Butter dish, a Half a Bowl of Chili!
My eyes were filled with grateful tears, a Prayer of Thanks I gave,
And, putting on a lid, I slid it in the microwave.

Oh Bowl of Chili! Chili Mine! Thou makest me warm and dreamy.
Nestled in thy stoneware bowl, so Spicy and so Steamy!
Let She who made Thee hear my Hymn, ringing out so tuneful,
For I shall sing thy praise sublime, until the Final Spoonful !

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 04:53 PM

I expect "Virtue" is pretty well unknown in this hyar jungle, MM...why not introduce the concept?

Oh, Praise,

Thank you kindly for yourprayers...I am sure they are doing me a world of good. Just not sure which, but all in due course. I return you your dignity, madam, unharmed for its brief sojourn.

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: MMario
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 04:30 PM

hmmmm......that reminds me of a little ditty by Brian Leo of "Molly and the Tinker" --- Does nayone besides me know "Virtue"?

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 04:25 PM

Amos. You know quite well I will not take responsibility for your interpretation. If you're going to call it ashcan art I can only pray for you, and I was doing that anyway. I am a pastor's wife after all and I have my dignity, I hope.

Nope... it seems to be missing....

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: GUEST,Mbo
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 04:19 PM

WHOA! Picasso does ASCII! Yes!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 04:17 PM

MBO, that looks like an integrated circuit board without the integrated!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: GUEST,Mbo
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 04:14 PM

More like this: ^ ^
O | O
|
<__
"""""" O


--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 04:09 PM

Priase,

Um...about the ASCII art...are those eyebrows at the top, or C- cups>? Just so I know how to intepret the rest of it.

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 04:04 PM


^ ^
. .
|
\_/
^

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: GUEST,Mbo
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 03:58 PM

Folks, I'm sitting here in the Art Media Center (Art Library) at ECU, and I SMELL HOTDOGS! Really! I don't know where it's coming from, but I am a HotDog Bloodhound, and can smell 'em from miles away--now who would be cooking HD's up here? Hmm...the metal shop's next door--maybe they're blow torching some? Then again maybe it's these computers--this room is like 30 degrees hotter than it is outside. Yikes--Macs put out more heat than anonymous posters! Mmmm...haven't had a hotdog in a while...

--Mbo

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Áine
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 03:58 PM

Wunnerful, Wunnerful, Wunnerful, dear Praise!! I think you'll be happy with the 'results'!

OK, guys, with the last installment from Praise there, we are at 19 songs for the Challenge! -- I'll leave this one open until Lonesome EJ either retypes his song in or rescues it from the hard drive . . . then, I'll post the awards and we'll move on to the next Challenge!

Thanks to everyone for your songs and the fun! You guys are the BEST - no doubt about it!!

-- Áine

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 03:49 PM

Dang, Praise, that is loverly! What a multi-talented package the Ol' Fiddler bought into!

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 03:04 PM

Oh God. Help me stop.



No pertickler tune. Somebody pick one that fits so I can do chords.

HOW THE SALTY DOG GOT THAT WAY
by Hardiman the Fiddler's "Best Wife"

Ever since he was a puppy
He has made the evening meal.
First his parents then his children,
Even parishioners. (They squeal.)
Just because he is a good man,
And always tries to do what's right,
You used to find him in the kitchen
Nearly every single night.

But when we two got married,
Even though he's the better cook,
I sat him down by my side one night,
And I said, "Now honey, look.
We have got to split our gender roles
Back to where they oughta be!
We are no longer single parents.
How 'bout if I cook and clean?

"And I'll be your daughter's mama,
You be your new step-son's pa.
While you visit the dead at the hospital,
I'll chauffeur to the mall."
(We'd both been real good parents,
Despite what our kids may say.
We just got tired of doing it all
In that single-parent way.)

He gradually learned to trust me
Not to dent his pots and pans.
I found I liked doing the laundry
And taking off the pants.
He started wearing mink to bed,
(Don't knock it, it's a thrill.)
I found that many things "I won't!"
Somehow became, "I will!"

But still the kids were cryin'
For some good old daddy food.
So every once in a great long while,
Why not? Gourmet is good.
Till came the night they told me
What (as campers) they had done:
They'd bring home leftover unopened Spam
And they didn't put it on a bun.

No, cooking lessons die too hard
Even when the cupboard is bare.
And when you're too damn tired to go to the store,
Spam, stir-fried, is pretty fair.
If you apply the lessons life has brought,
You know just what to do.
You make Thai stir fry (add peanut sauce),
Without a second thought.

After all, everything is eaten
In those places I can't spell.
And if Filipinos cruise for stray dogs
As our good friend Dio tells,
Why not use your best cooking skills
To make a Treet beyond compare?
A multitude of sins are covered
Which would otherwise lay bare.

Well now you know how our house is,
And I hope you understand.
We only stir-fry Spam occasionally,
But when we do, it's grand.
Now his latest enthusiasm
(Culinarially I mean),
Is Rogan Josh and Vindaloo
With beef. And always lean.

So if you get an invite
To drop in at Lake Champlain,
Around the spring of 20-ought-one,
You better not complain.
For if you leave the cooking
To Hardiman and Praise,
We promise there'll be more than Spam
Sitting at your place.

Cuz when we're really camping,
It's a normal sort of thing
To fire a dutch oven (or two) of duck,
Or any meat you bring.
Don't worry, dears, Spam's back home
Awaiting our return.
We'd never give such great stuff to YOU!
Besides, you'd get heartburn.

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 03:00 PM

You gals are really cooking! And on-call, at that! Does that make you call-cooks?

A

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: katlaughing
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 02:31 PM

Yes, LeeJ, save early and often, now, for your retirement, then you can rest on your laurels, have your cake and eat it, too, just recycling all those old postings!

Micca! What imagery!! And, what a "cool" mother! I am LMAOWROTF!!! I love it!!!

Montee, the Pasta Dog (tune of On Top of Spaghetti)

On top of my pasta
My dog has drooled
He cannot help it
It's his favourite food.

He'll wear a nice bib
And, sit like a prince
But if I don't hurry
He'll talk and I'll wince.

He swears like a trooper
Much worse than the kids
He'll cuss me out loudly
For he's got first dibs.

He won't eat it plain now
It has to have sauce
And, "shake cheese" parmesan
All over the top.

Then all clear is sounded
He moves in to "kill"
Gawd save man and critter
Who doesn't know the drill.

Oh, when he is finished
The bowl is licked clean
No incriminating evidence
Will ever be seen.

Now, if you see Montee
My Pasta Dog of yore
You'll know he's in heaven
Eating pasta galore!

RIP, Montee, who passed on just about a year ago and really was VERY vocal!

katlaughing

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: wysiwyg
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 02:27 PM

Well it had to become two songs. One is nearly done. This one's just half-baked. Remember you asked for it. personally I think a singing cookbook is a mistake not to be perpetrated, because if I take your stuff into my kitchen I will laugh so hard I'll puke.

Here's the first one. And I want to see results!

Tune: Built for Comfort

BUILT FOR FLAVOR
by Praise, in loving tribute to her man, Hardiman the Fiddler

Some folks do like this,
Some folks do like that.
But the way my man makes hot dogs
Is right where it's at--
Cause they're built for flavor, they ain't built for looks.
If you taste one you'll say, MAN! He really cooks!

First he cooks the dog,
In the regular way.
Then he slices up an onion--
Hey--"Normal!" you say?
But the job it ain't finished, and there's only one way.
If you add peanut butter, YOU can eat these all day.

Ya gotta kill the dog's salt,
And that's a hard thing to do.
In fact it's counter-intuitive baby,
I wouldn't think it would you?
They say it's better than mustard, but now that I don't know.
There's only so far darlin', THIS old girl can go.

See when he brung me that plate
It was dark in the room.
I had smelled it cookin' up and I hoped it'd be soon--
I was dyin' of hunger! And that ain't no lie.
I would eat what he brought, or, curl up an' die.

Now I know it sounds strange--
And I guess it is too!
But the first time that I tasted one, well I didn't reck-anize the goo,
So to me it was normal, just a natural thing.
And you never know, honey, JUST what a man will bring.

So when this girl tells the Mudcat
To make your hot dogs this way,
You should run right out and make you one,
The very same day.
I know you have the ingredients-- every good home do.
Nex' time I gives y'all a recipe, darlin's, DON'T wanna hear you say, "Eeeew!"

Subject: RE: SONG CHALLENGE! Part 9
From: Amos
Date: 22 Feb 00 - 01:48 PM

LEJ, this is unacceptable!!! That's why people buy Macs! And also what CTRL+S is for! This is awful!! I refuse to be denied an LEJ original because of some damn WinDoze glitch! You recover that file!

A

And save early and often from now on.