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BS: Instrument Jokes
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Subject: Instrument Jokes From: Hagbardr Date: 06 Mar 00 - 11:46 PM Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'The other day, I learned a co-worker of mine played the banjo and I joked with him about it. What are your favorite jokes about your favorite/least favorite instruments? Q. What's the difference between a banjo and grapes? A. You take off your boots to stomp grapes. Q. A stupid bodhran player, an intelligent accordion player and Santa Claus are walking down the street when they see a $50 bill on the sidewalk. Who bends down to pick it up? A. The stupid bodhran player. The other two are fictional characters. Hagbarddonninghisasbestossuit |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Troll Date: 06 Mar 00 - 11:52 PM Two guitar players walk past a bar and... Naw. No one would ever believe THAT! troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Gypsy Date: 07 Mar 00 - 12:01 AM He had just purchase a wonderful new accordian. It was very expensive, so when he stopped for an errand, carefully parked in the shade, rolled up the windows, and locked the car up tight. Imagine the horror of coming back to the car, to see that the windows were smashed in! With heart in his throat, he approached the car, and peered in. In the backseat were TWO accordians. The difference between a 12/11 dulcimer, and a 16/15? You can slice more cheese per minute with the 16/15. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Mbo Date: 07 Mar 00 - 12:20 AM Q: What does a good piper and a tornado have in common? A: They both pick you up, spin you around, and BLOW YOU AWAY!!!!! --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Liz the Squeak Date: 07 Mar 00 - 04:08 AM The difference between accordians and melodeons? Accordians burn longer. LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Lady McMoo Date: 07 Mar 00 - 04:54 AM An orchestra played somewhere in the Middle East. On the first night they played so well that the potentate commanded that their instruments should be stuffed with gold coins. All the musicians were highly delighted.... except the piccolo player. On the second night, the orchestra played abysmally badly and the potentate was so furious that he commanded that all the instruments should be stuffed up their players a***s. Again the piccolo player was the unlucky one.... mcmoo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Hyperabid Date: 07 Mar 00 - 05:53 AM Q. What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine? A. You only have to punch the into a drum machine once! Hyp. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Callie Date: 07 Mar 00 - 09:17 AM How do you know when there's a singer at the door? She can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in. --Callie |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: GUEST,hollowfox Date: 07 Mar 00 - 09:30 AM The Irish gave the Scots the pipes, and the Scots haven't gotten the joke yet |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Mbo Date: 07 Mar 00 - 10:21 AM Why do the lassies like pipers? Because we are really good at giving out big squeezes! --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Biskit Date: 07 Mar 00 - 10:39 AM What'cha call a guitar player without a girlfriend???? homeless. -Biskit- |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Wincing Devil Date: 07 Mar 00 - 10:58 AM Q: What do yo call 100 Accordian players swimming out to sea with a banjo player under each arm? A: A Good Start! Wincing_Devil
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Gypsy Date: 07 Mar 00 - 11:22 AM The definition of perfect pitch. It is when you throw the accordian, and it caroms off of the guitar, and nails the hammer dulcimer |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Hyperabid Date: 07 Mar 00 - 11:34 AM Q. How do you tell the guitarists in the audience at a rock concert A. They're all staring at the guy on the stage saying 'I can do that!' Hyp |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Wincing Devil Date: 07 Mar 00 - 12:17 PM Sorry, Hyperabid, you can't tell gutar players ANYTHING! ;-) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Eric the Viking Date: 07 Mar 00 - 01:17 PM How do you shut a guitarist up? Give him the music notation and ask him to play it!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Troll Date: 07 Mar 00 - 01:22 PM How do you shut a fiddler up? Give him a bar of soap and tell him it's a new kind of rosin. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: pastorpest Date: 07 Mar 00 - 01:25 PM In an orchestra what is the difference between first chair and third chair violas? Answer: About a bar and a half. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: sophocleese Date: 07 Mar 00 - 01:33 PM What's the definition of a minor second? Two oboes in tune. What's the definition of a major second? Two baroque oboes in tune. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: zander (inactive) Date: 07 Mar 00 - 02:33 PM a man walking down the street sees two banjo players having a squabble, on asking what the problem is, one of them say's ' it all his fault, he's detuned one of my strings and won't tell me which one '. the definition of a bohdran player is someone who likes to hang out with folk musicians. the best thind to play a bohdran with is a penknife. love all instrument and musician really, Dave |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler Date: 07 Mar 00 - 02:38 PM Deja vue ain't what it uster be! Check out old instrument joke threads and let's have some new jokes! [from the archivist of the Old Jokes Home at the Neil Young Center: I need some new jokes, I can't afford to move house again!] RtS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: GUEST,Rich(stupidbodhranplayerwhodoesn'tknowanybet Date: 07 Mar 00 - 06:14 PM What's the range of a mandolin? Thirty yards if you have a good arm. If you throw a banjo an accordian aand a set of pipes off the Empire State Bldg at exactly the same time what happens? Thunderous applause. A man goes into a pawnshop in Chinatown and sees a golden rat on a shelf. He asks the price and is told "$25 or $100 with the story". He says "FOr $75 you can keep the story" and buys the statue. He walks out and soon becomes aware of a faint scurrying sound behind him. As it starts to get louder he looks over his shoulder to see five and then ten and soon every rat in the city following him. The faster he runs the faster they chase and soon, in desperation, he throws the statue off of Fisherman's Wharf. The rats all follow it into the water and drown. THe man returns to the pawnshop and the proprieter say's " I bet you're here to pay me for the story now". The man replies "No, I'd like to buy that golden accordian"! Well, that's my $.02 worth. Thanks to Hagbard for the $50 Slan agat, Rich |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Chocolate Pi Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:01 AM What did the little green men say to Schubert? Take us to your leider. (stolen from "Whatever Happened to Hubert," Tom Lehrer) Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car? Yeah, it took them three hours to get the drummer out. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Hagbardr Date: 08 Mar 00 - 12:59 AM What's the difference between a mediocre mandolin player and a good mandolin player? Six pints of Guinness. Hagbard |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Benjamin Date: 08 Mar 00 - 01:39 AM How do you get two guitarists to play in unison? Shoot one of them! How many dead heads does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just let it burn out and follow it for 30 years! (sorry, couldn't resist that one!) BMW |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: roopoo Date: 08 Mar 00 - 03:27 AM Why are squeezebox bellows shaped the way they are? Conveiently shaped for slicing. mouldy |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: GUEST,chance Date: 08 Mar 00 - 02:06 PM How can you tell when the stage is level? There's tobacco spit drooling out both sides of the banjo players mouth. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: TerriM Date: 08 Mar 00 - 02:29 PM " Mummy, mummy, when I grow up I want to be a musician" Mother; " Make up your mind, son". Did you hear about the musician who won the lottery? he kept playing until the money ran out. Terri |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: GUEST,kara Date: 08 Mar 00 - 06:08 PM How many soundmen does it take to change a light bulb? One, two, three, one, two, three. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? To get away from the noise. How does a soprano change a light bulb? She just holds it and the world revolves around her. What's the difference between a soprano and the P.L.O.? You can negotiate with the P.L.O. What do violinists use for birth control? Their personalities. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Caitrin Date: 08 Mar 00 - 08:18 PM What's the difference between a guitarist and a banjo player walking down the street? The guitarist might be on his way to a gig. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: GUEST,Ernie Date: 08 Mar 00 - 09:43 PM A sax is an ill wind that nobody blows good. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Troll Date: 08 Mar 00 - 11:31 PM How many sound men does it take to change a light bulb? Sorry dude. I only do sound. troll |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: BlueSage Date: 09 Mar 00 - 02:04 AM What's the difference between a banjo and a vacuum cleaner? 1) The vacuum cleaner has a more pleasing tone. 2) The vacuum cleaner doesn't suck until you turn it on. 3) The position of the dirt bag! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Mooh Date: 09 Mar 00 - 08:11 AM What's the difference between a guitarist and a mutual fund? The mutual fund eventually matures and earns an income. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Mbo Date: 09 Mar 00 - 08:26 AM I know I posted this before, but... What do you call a massed pipe band blowing into their bags, but not playing a melody? A collective drone! Weeeee!! --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Whistle Stop Date: 09 Mar 00 - 08:30 AM How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb? Six -- one to change the bulb, and five to talk about how much better the old one was. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Bill D Date: 09 Mar 00 - 11:18 AM why, when I was a lad, those jokes were already old.... "If 2 crumhorn players need to tune, and the cornamuse is making too much noise, what do they do?...why, they make the hirtenschalmei player squeeze the bladder pipe harder! Ha, ha, ha!...(you don't GET it? Ask MMario!)
(play the .wavs by clicking on the picture) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Bill D Date: 09 Mar 00 - 11:21 AM powered by STEAM! that's **steam**!!!!... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: jeffp Date: 09 Mar 00 - 11:23 AM I thought maybe they had a water wheel hooked up. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Bill D Date: 09 Mar 00 - 12:26 PM while surfing for the above, found this page of instruments that MAY be considered jokes to some, but are totally serious to others |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Bill D Date: 09 Mar 00 - 12:26 PM while surfing for the above, found this page of instruments that MAY be considered jokes to some, but are totally serious to others |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Wavestar Date: 09 Mar 00 - 01:45 PM I remember back when we only had woodburning cats... :P I'm going to a session of Mediaeval and Troubadour music and stuff this weekend... lots of wierd instruments making sounds you would never expect. -J |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Mbo Date: 09 Mar 00 - 04:26 PM Jess, don't think you can fool me! John's hilarious Grandma says that line in Garfield's Christmas! My sisters and I have all the dialogue memorized! --Mbo |
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Subject: RE: BS: Instrument Jokes From: Caitrin Date: 09 Mar 00 - 05:45 PM What's the difference between onions and bagpipes? Nobody cries when you chop up bagpipes! |