BS: The Other Breast

Subject: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 May 00 - 07:30 PM

This is part two of a thread that began as a genuine music thread and may yet return to music before we are done.

Click here for Part One

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Metchosin
Date: 03 May 00 - 07:41 PM

OK ladies, time to 'fess up, would you be less conspicuous if you played left handed and not right?

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 May 00 - 07:44 PM

Gasp!!!! Ya mean I ain't the only one that has an unmatched set???

LOL!!!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Metchosin
Date: 03 May 00 - 07:55 PM

wouldn't think so.

And speaking of having your boobs nuked awhile back, they sure do their darndest to squash the suckers flat, between those glass plates. Whooee! that hurts.

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 May 00 - 08:02 PM

Yeah, and it's really unfair, the difference between men's and women's medical treatment.

It just isn't fair. Men would LIKE a test like that, but they never get to try it!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Áine
Date: 03 May 00 - 08:05 PM

This is an excellent question -- Unfortunately, if I played left-handed, the problem would be worse -- the left one is larger than the right, due to the preference of four hungry babies . . .

-- Áine

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 May 00 - 08:06 PM

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 03 May 00 - 09:01 PM

I wonder, if I had started a thread.....Keeping A Penis
Would it have grown as fast as this breast thread did within one day.

Little Neo

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Margo
Date: 03 May 00 - 09:02 PM

Praise, I never thought about men undergoing that proceedure!! (But I think it would be too hard to do) Haha, a peen-o-gram. Sounds like something someone would come to your door to sing... back to music! Hahahaha Margo

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Sorcha
Date: 03 May 00 - 09:15 PM

Actually, men DO get breast cancer, just not as often. Any man with (large?) breast really should get a mammogram, and it can be done, really! And fair is fair, no? Penisograms, the next big thing in medicine!! Yee haa1

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: GUEST,ABC
Date: 03 May 00 - 09:16 PM

Praise, I always thought the bra sizes were small, medium, large, extra large, and HOLY S**T.

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: alison
Date: 03 May 00 - 09:16 PM

maybe they'll develop the same sort of thing for checking for testicular cancer... "Sir, if you wouldn't mind just sliding your balls between theses two plates, and I'll start up the vice....."

I don't think they'd go for it......

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: GUEST, Threadie
Date: 03 May 00 - 09:24 PM

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 03-May-00 - 09:01 PM

I wonder, if I had started a thread.....Keeping A Penis Would it have grown as fast?

Excellent suggestion Bonnie. You start it and I will contribute....all night long.
We may even invite Kelida (whom we hear has first hand knowledge of the subject, though nowadays has vowed chastity) to give us the benefit of her wide experience.

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Art Thieme
Date: 03 May 00 - 09:43 PM

You people ! If I've been acting teste lately, I'm really sorry. Just know this!!! There is a vas deferens between this thread and the other one. I am left handed but play right handed. "What does that prove" you ask? "EVERYTHING", I answer. Different stroks for different folk(singers). Personally, I've had a TURP and I know. I may look like I'm laying around here prostate lately, but I'm rising to the occasion when something here turns me on. Now I just go with the proverbial flow. I just take what comes !!! If this isn't basic, radical, seminal---well, I don't know what is !!! As the I.W.W. was fond of saying, "Keep your hand on the plow---hold on !"

Art

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 03 May 00 - 09:51 PM

+0+

two men walking a breast, if the typeface worked

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Sorcha
Date: 03 May 00 - 10:03 PM

LOL you guys!! and what would we do without them?????

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: DougR
Date: 03 May 00 - 11:11 PM

Praise and Alison: Tsk tsk. Have you no idea what unsavory procedures men are subjected to when the doctor checks for testicle and prostate cancer? Noting mashed but a lot of probing! :>)

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: alison
Date: 03 May 00 - 11:52 PM

doug.. that is nothing.. do we REALLY have to tell you in detail what a pap smear involves??????... let's just say that one little lubricated finger is nothing in comparison....... hahahaha

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 04 May 00 - 12:31 AM

Excuse me please - I wish to tender my resignation!

I have sanctimoniously refrained from joining this thread about a subject I haven't touched in a decade. Alas, perversions from the past finally reared their ugly head. I could resist no longer. Too late, all my favourite puns and terms have been flogged. All I can say to Praise?

"Priunebube? Maori?" alasslass, wrong! There is no "b" in Maori - the correct term for the mammary gland is "U" - we would have to go to HearMe for me to even try to explain the nuances of expression.

About the only positive terminological contribution I can make, which I don't recall seeing here, was our local definition of Jayne ????? (a very well-endowed English actress of the 60s)

"She's a dead heat in a Zeppelin race"

Sorry, best I can do

Sam

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Sorcha
Date: 04 May 00 - 12:39 AM

Oh, Sammo, LOL! yes, the Jaynes!! and guys, we get that one checked in our annual too, we just happen to have one more orifice than you do..........and we get our breasts well felt up, by who ever wants to do it. Dr. just says "Pressure here, relax" HA pressure, my (never mind)

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Metchosin
Date: 04 May 00 - 02:11 AM

Aha! Bazongas!

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Helen
Date: 04 May 00 - 02:11 AM

I guess it would be relevant to refer in this thread, given the turn it has taken in subjects under discussion, to direct your collective attention to a song in the DT, called The IPD, which was written by our own Oz singer-songwriter extraordinaire, Judy Small. She also wrote Mothers, Daughters, Wives, and the one called Bridget Evans, and heaps more great songs.

Just put IPD, or [Judy Small] in the blue search box above and you should find it.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Helen
Date: 04 May 00 - 02:14 AM

Ooops. Judy small sang it but it was written by two other people: Tanner and Edmonds. Oh well, guys of the male persuasion, I still think you should check it out, if you are feeling brave.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 May 00 - 03:01 AM

Now, now, boys and girls, no need for orifice wars.

Unless you WANT to hear the gynecological counterpart to the classic French imprecation:

"May the great bird with the very long beak peck you up your...."

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 04 May 00 - 03:08 AM

Sorch, you are leading me astray into realms I thought I had purged from my mind. Orificially speaking, the last "touch up" I observed was when Lisa Gibbons and her TV crew burst into our Pub and started filming. She was literally grabbed in the crutch. I'm a pacifist, and a bit slow. The guy was floored before I could get near. Thank God he wasn't a local.

Whewww.... I'm still shaking. It wasn't a pretty sight. Lisa (Liza?) handled it well. Lovely lass, married a Kiwi, what was the show? "Entertainment Tonight"?

Anyway, do you have ESP? Next day, I was supposed to go to Ulva with Liza to film in the bush.

Aaaaaarrrgggghhhhh....

I'm batting on a sticky wicket here. Should keep my big trap shut. I didn't miss the V of the feminine Hori-farce.

Ulva is an island in Paterson Inlet, named after the Island of the same name, off Oban (Scotland), where the fine single malt comes from. I assume Ulva lactuta - a seaweed, commonly known as "Sea lettuce", so "let us alone"........

O'mi'god - Spaw get that bloody chopper here fast - I'm getting out of me depth. These tarts are going to get onto "lactation", before I've milked my yarn, and got to the cream of the joke.

Anyway, Sorch, having got over the (c)rude interruption.

I'm trying to be serious - but memories keep flooding back, with every post I see.

Liza was here and it happened. I was disgusted. Like I say, she handled it well. Wheww.. it's a TAS (that's another story).

Anyway, to get back on thread (breasts) and get a bit of levity back into this post before Spaw levitates me to "lavvy-land" where I spend the rest of my life cleaning bed-pans.....

Anyway.......

Liza and I didn't get to Ulva for a push in the bush (O'm'God - here we go again), so they shot us, playing pool in the Pub. Dammit, I'm getting out of my depth again in the pool.

I have never, ever, ever played pool in the Pub since then. And, furthermore that was over a decade back. I refuse to play until I have an oponent like Liza Gibbons. It's probably the last time I was tit-elated. She had a low-slung top on, and every time she leaned over to paly a shot. Guess what...I saw beyond her cleavage...

I saw what Liza had for break-fast

Guess what it was.....

Ma might give me a hiding if I divulge.

It was........

It was........

It was........

It was........

It was........

It was........

It was........

It was........

It was........

It was........

A Marmite sandwich...

So, only tell those Sandy Witches you can trust.

UM could someone excommunicate me...

Bloody Hell - I waffle

T'ra - Sam

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 May 00 - 12:18 PM

Billy the Bus: Celibate or just ugly? SS

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: SINSULL
Date: 04 May 00 - 12:19 PM

Sorry BTB. The Love Bug struck this morning and I am just plain bitchy. SS

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Amos
Date: 04 May 00 - 12:22 PM

You saw what who had for breakfast?

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Mbo
Date: 04 May 00 - 12:29 PM

Good gravy people! Yer all goofballs! I love ya!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 04 May 00 - 10:03 PM

Sinsull,

I've seen Sammie's picture, and ugly he ain't!

Too cute for his own good, more like!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 04 May 00 - 11:57 PM

Sinsull, alas, I am BOTH (Love bug - lay off me). I ceribrated a celibate decade last year. And it is all on account of my ugly-mug the most truthful expression I've been given of it is "Geez, you're a guy with a lived-in face". However, I don't let it get me down, in the words of my dear departed "Nana" Carter.

"My face I don't mind it,
For I am behind it,
It's the bloke in the front gets the jar.

And, talking of jars. How many had you downed when you looked at my piccie Praise, praisin' me like that has made me blush, and I'm no coy-boy or choir boy!

Amos, the lass I was referring to was (Lisa, Liza, Lesa, Leeza?) Gibbons - a blonde presenter on "Entertainment Tonight" (I think) a US TV program of decade or so back. And before I get into more hot water, pr'aps I should explain myself clearer. I was not peering into any of Liza's orifi. "I saw what she had for breakfast" simply means I had an extremely good "down-blouse" view (Think that's the correct technical term).

On a more serious note - trust the "Love Bug" isn't hitting too many Catters - it was tope of the news in NZ when I woke this morning. It's hell when we have to battle LUV.

OL - Sam

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 May 00 - 12:04 AM

So lemmee get this right.........."See what she had for breakfast" is a "Downblouse" (as they are known on the porn sites) view. So going to the porn sites classic "Upskirts" angles would be what? "Checking the dinner menu?"

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Spider Tom
Date: 05 May 00 - 12:53 AM

A WORD, to the various ladys who are shrareing their SECRET WOMENS BUSSINESS! With us male readers.
THANKS!

The human mind is realy a marvel.
I find myself, just a man, sitting infront of a keyboard and screen, being led on a guided tour through NOT JUST the female form butt, also the male members, mentioned as well, you lot are SO unselfish.

You girls (whoops) ladys realy know how to throw, a thread.
First you lead, with the soft and tender, then you, slap a man down till he's shouting surrender.

Billy The Bus, you are not alone.
I read your first (Entry?)
I thought, be careful big feller they will get you in with this talk, of ladys parts.

I could not warn you good friend, I saw you COME back AGAIN and again for another bite of the cherry.
To be hooked and helpless as some of us men are, by the mere hint, of the fantasy, of female flesh.
OH! YEEEEEEEES! OH! BAAAAABBBBBBBbbbbbyyyy y y y ...!

You will not be alone in your ramblings I'm hooked too.
I write on....

When I read, my mind always paints pictures.
It's the way I am.
I can't help it, so I sit here visualizing breasts.
Big ones, small ones, pin em on the wall ones.
I find myself dreaming of the very favourite part ,well some of, is it not, so hard, to chews? (misspelling, who knows?).
I don't mind how they're flicked or fondled it still looks good in my mind.
I read on lustfully, letting the mood TAKE me if it will, when SUDDENLY!

I'm seeing a VIOLENT! picture of my testicles turned to picelets, within a glass vice (thanks Alison, I realy needed that)

The little tortoise really crawled back into his shell.
My eyes are STILL WATERING.
Damn thing the imagination!

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Helen
Date: 05 May 00 - 02:25 AM

Well, in that case Spider Tom, I hope you didn't check out the IPD song I mentioned above. One bout of watering eyes a day is probably enough.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 00 - 03:04 AM

Wow, Spider ... you been whipsawed, Big Time. I feel for you --- well -- up to a point that is --- after that you gotta do yer own darn feelin! It is an amzing thing this electricity between the persuasions, and so inbuilt that just discussing it gets some of us a buzzing like blueflies. Just aaa--mazing. I join you in sending the fondest thanks to the ladies alla round, and my love to Barbry Ellen...well, maybe I'm gettin' punchy here. G'night, Gracie!

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: alison
Date: 05 May 00 - 03:07 AM

Hahaha... sorry spider....

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 May 00 - 03:48 AM

S!!!!P!!!!!!A!!!!!!!W!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well said, man, well said indeed.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: GUEST,Mrr
Date: 05 May 00 - 02:23 PM

OK, ignoramus time - LOL?? Meaning? I assume *BG* is (with a big grin) - but none of the sayings up with which I can come for LOL fit the context...

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: jeffp
Date: 05 May 00 - 02:26 PM

LOL is "laughing out loud." A lot of that has been going on.

jeffp

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: GUEST,Jeff P
Date: 05 May 00 - 02:32 PM

Absolutely

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 00 - 02:50 PM

Sometimes you feel like a boob
Sometimes you don't

A

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Mbo
Date: 05 May 00 - 02:58 PM

Almond Joy has "nuts"
"Mounds" don't!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 May 00 - 03:04 PM

And what about you Meebo?

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Mbo
Date: 05 May 00 - 03:23 PM

Why don't you just shut it, Spaw?

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Metchosin
Date: 05 May 00 - 03:28 PM

Spider, sorry to hear your ardor has been squelched and as a female, I speak for myself only, I have always thought that whatever others "think" of me is none of my business.

Seeing the topic is singles and not pairs, I thought of finding a visual of Woody Allen's ponderous "breast" from "All You Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask", just for you, to rekindle your coals, but I was afraid to ask.

However I did find this, but with the Warning, if you are offended by things not PC DO NOT CLICK HERE

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Amos
Date: 05 May 00 - 03:35 PM

Now MBo -- some things aren't meant to be shut. But I'm proud to see you standing up to Ol' Spaw like that. Toughening up a tad is always a good thing.

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Mbo
Date: 05 May 00 - 03:50 PM

That's right, we all know our good friend Catspaw. But wouldn't we all like to be a litle more like him? Well now you can! Introducing the only male corset endorsed but the Possum-Puffer himself! The exclusive new "Braw" is perfect for all you saggy-butted tortoises! But you may ask "what if I ain't got the stuff to fill a Braw nicely?" Well ask no more, my friend! The Braw easily converts into a Handy-Danderoonie Possum Papoose! Take your little marsupial pals anywhere! (Note: limit two possums per Braw. And additonal possums may result in a nasty situation.) As you can see from our special spokes-model CLETUS, the Braw is perfect to satisfy to male need to transport small hairy bum-blown mammals! Get yours today! Call 1-800-CatsBraw today to place your order!!! Operators are standing by!

Man, I'm wading around in prefinals week quagmire..a woodcut to finish & print, a printmaking final to study for, a computer art application take-home test to complete, and a design project to finish, all by Monday. Thanks for the kind words, Amos! I could use some encouragement now...

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 May 00 - 03:58 PM

Ya know me lad, I'm really proud of you!!!! Very WELL DONE!!!! Now, like the AAPMT, you need to come up with the actual product and we can auction that sucker off!!! We need a name.....Then we'll get started on the product. This is great!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 05 May 00 - 06:51 PM

Hey, Skarpi - is it true that there are whale willies in the whaling museum in Rekyavik? And that there is a whole museum dedicated to dicks?

Maybe we should start up a mammory museum......

Maybe not then..!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Metchosin
Date: 05 May 00 - 08:03 PM

oh yeah Spaw just thought of three more, paps, jugs, and cans.

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: GUEST,ABC
Date: 05 May 00 - 09:04 PM

Amos:

You said, "Sometimes you feel like a boob Sometimes you don't."

In light of the conversations that have taken place on this thread (all fantastic!) I can think of several interpretations of what you said. But before I guess about any of them, would you care to ecpound further??

ABC

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: SINSULL
Date: 05 May 00 - 09:33 PM

I thought Seinfeld covered naming the equipment" The"Bro" or the "Manziere".

And for those with nothing better to spend their money on: eBay is auctioning off a whalebone bone carved into a seal at one end. Scary looking thing. Makes an 8interesting coat hook.

Spaw, please be nice to Mbo. He's the only one we have.

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 05 May 00 - 11:19 PM

Sinsull, please be nice to Spaw. He's the only one we have, but when we aren't very very nice he doesn't have enough material to be properly sarcastic with, and then we don't know what to do with him!!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: GUEST,Jimmy
Date: 05 May 00 - 11:28 PM

I have read this thread and now I wish I han't. There has been entirely too much tit-for-tat and despite the subject, the greater % of the posts have been asinine.

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Sorcha
Date: 05 May 00 - 11:51 PM

Mbo, LMAO!! Well done in a tit for tat!! Anybody say
teats, bazookas, or ba-zoooms, yet?
And Spider Tom, those are "testicu-lets", after a test-o-gram......
Praise, just WHERE IS this picture of Sammo??????

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Mrrzy
Date: 06 May 00 - 12:08 AM

Anyone familiar with the brain parts called the mammilary bodies, so called because the first people dissecting a human brain saw two paired round things, and couldn't think of anything else to name them? No points for guessing their gender... Love the androcentrism. Not to mention what the other word for birth canal means, which isn't birth canal.

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Amos
Date: 06 May 00 - 12:43 AM

ABC,

It would be unnatural to expand further on a subject that approaches the divine. I am planning to start a temple -- the Order of the Golden Globes. I sent the idea out, just as a feeler, to one of the top property owners on the 'Cat, and said:

"Or, perhaps it should be The Order of Mammon Worship? Church of the Infinite Curve?

We'll draw our holy images -- you could model if you wanted -- with their beatific faces highlighted by the mystic shine of a glimmering auroeola. Our daily service will be to give thanks for those whose cup runneth over. Oh, and don't forget the support groups! They'd be out in front, spreading the good word. I think we would generate a lot of burning interest, get a lot of good support and be able to practice our own ability to provide support and encourage sensitive feelings. We could mix in some Freudian theory and so forth, so the belief structure would be firm in the eyes of worshipers."

Maybe RJ Reynolds would let us revive the old Luckies ad about round and firm...Anyway I think it is high time the divinity of the human bosom was made clear, so it would no longer be a point of confusion during moments of intense prayer.

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 May 00 - 03:04 AM

Testify, brother Amos, testify!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Sorcha
Date: 06 May 00 - 03:58 AM

AMOS! PRAISE!! mah goodness, them mammolocummulus clouds jes' done gone to their heads,mammy! Doan pay them pillows never minds, now. They is jes fo restin yo heads.

(anybody checked Malvina Reynolds yet, we know them Southroners like to stick together)

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 06 May 00 - 05:22 AM

Oh my golly gosh,

The pranks you lot get up to while I'm working. I'm laughing my tits off. Hmmm.... scrolls up.

Hmmm.....

Spaw, yeah mate, "saw what she had for bk'fst" is a DB - well, no it isn't - DB is revolting gutrot beer brewed in NZ by "Dominion Breweries" - I drink real Southern Man's Beer - "Speights" from Dunedin. Someone remind me to copy down the definition of "Southern Man" from the Speights poster at the Pub - it is CLASSIC.

Now, an "upskirt". Um, is that where you lie on the ground, and peer up a damsel's dress? How utterly disgusting - and it was!

Um... This should be in the dunny thread, along with my Cpt Jim Esson posts. For, forsooth, it was at said fellow's wedding in 1965, that I was ever depraved enough to perform the most unmannerly act of doing an "upskirt" - totally out of my control. It was the female person of the opposite sex, who instigated it, and it was not a pretty sight. D'ya really wanna hear this yarn? If not, scroll down.....

Jim's old man was manager of the "Bank of New Zealand", quite a high position. Angela (Jim's bride to be) came from "aristocracy", bred race-horses and such-like. Well, the wedding was quite a tonky affair, at Marton, just outside Palmerston North. Y'know, real toffee-nose stuff, marquee on the lawn, band, the whole "schemozzle" (Help Mark). Well, anyway, Jim was rash enough to invite some of his Varsity mates to this poncy do. His old man was a real hard case, and buttonned me up in a corner of the marquee, and kept pouring me 'skies - damned big ones too. He'd toast me with "Skäl" - so I did - and crashed the drink - and crashed soon after.

Anyway, there I was completely blotto in the grotto (well to be truthfull it was among the rose bushes), flat on me back, "playing Mt Vesuvius", when this old fart aunt tart damned near straddled my head, peered down, and in a Dowager Duchess voice, proclaimed to the assembled multitude. "If that was my son, I would KILL it".

So, Spaw, ol' buddy, "upskirts" don't appeal, particularly with what I saw. Her bloomers came down to her knees.

ST- help me out cobber, WHY didn't you keep me out of this thread? The bloomin' sheilas are going to get into my knickers to find out what bloomers are. Aaaaarrrgggghhhhh......

In the words of that old folk poet A Non "Oh ain't it grand to be bloomin' well dead"

Suppository Sam (Wot brings the s**t out)

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: GUEST,Bob S.
Date: 06 May 00 - 05:04 PM

Three women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead competed in the breast stroke division of an English Cahannel swim competition.

The brunette came in first. The redhead was a close second. Much later the blonde finally reached the shore. She was exhausted and near the point of drowning.

After being revived with blankets and coffee she muttered,"I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think those other girls used their arms."

Bob S(who needs to reset his cookie again this week)

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 May 00 - 09:10 PM

Oh, and I forgot. The operation the Amazons would have? Our name for that, in high school-- boobotomy.

Amazon.combat??

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Mbo
Date: 06 May 00 - 09:32 PM

Well of all things
Can it be really?
Oh yes, ho hi, oh my eye!
My mind may be wandering
But I confess
I believe it is Old Boobotomy!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Sailor Dan
Date: 06 May 00 - 10:19 PM

Here's to the thread The other Breast In joy and intolerence It has brought out the best

My imagination runs rampant My imagination runs wild I stare dreamily into space and giggle like a child

It is here, It is here The glorious month of May The weather is warm and gentle It is time to play

In the field of my dreams with Imagination and wit To crawl around bare ass In an acre of tit.

(sigh sigh sigh)

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 06 May 00 - 11:20 PM

Acres of Tit, isn't there a song about that??

Song Challenge?!?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Amos
Date: 07 May 00 - 12:56 AM

Surrounded by acres of ti-ii-ii-iit!

Surrounded by acres of ti-i-i-it!

Maybe that will be our processional hymn, eh? I think this religion could really create a bow wave down under. So to speak. We could have Inspired Ogling, and Other than Speaking With Tongues, --- a soloist singing "Oh, oh, oh! Somebody touched me!" and "My Lord, What a Feelin!". Sunday's sermon will be "The Left and the Right Side of Temptation". Then we'll sing "All Things Big and Beautiful"... Oh, we are onto something here. I have some ideas for designing the collection plates if I can get clearance from the legal departmewnt -- there is some question about Playtex claiming infringement or something...

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 May 00 - 01:47 AM

Amos,

If you are going to invent a religion, this looks like a good one.

I am having one small problem though, and that is how to ecumenically approach this at the same time I am trying to write a song for the bumper sticker we saw today which read, "Jesus is coming-- LOOK BUSY!"

See I thought it would be a song about Jesus coming into the office to get our final project reports. Now, tho, I seem to keep seeing not cubicles full of harried white collar workers hustling up the appearance of productive salvation at work, but instead the image of people being busy at the sort of worship you've described.

I am sure I can resolve these into one reality, but... it may take some doing!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Stewie
Date: 07 May 00 - 05:36 AM

This little ditty would seem to fit in with the thread title. I've forgotten how I came by it. I have no idea who is responsible for it. It should be recited with your best British accent.

MURIEL BLEAT

Have you heard the strange tale of poor Muriel Bleat?
Who, strange to relate, had a musical teat
And if she took a deep breath and she let herself go
The one on the right, swing high, swing low
Made a quaint little noise like bagpipes

One day she was in her flat doing Chopin on the mat
And Harold Fielding happened by, and he heard her playing
And he said, 'My, my, Miss Bleat, this won't do at all
What you need is London's Albert Hall'
So then she said, 'I will if I must
I'll go where you say and I'll do my bust'
So while he went to fetch the car
She put it back in its beige green bra

Weeks of painful practice passed
Until the great day came at last
When Bleat in letters eight feet tall
Covered the front of the Albert Hall
With underneath, as second choice,
Sir Malcolm Sergeant, Irving Joyce, Marilyn Monroe
The Coldstream Guards and the London Phil
All put in to fill up the bill

Proudly forward Muriel paced
In evening gown below the waist
And she cocked her hand around the innocent cause
And she bowed to the thunderous roars of applause
She gave them some Bach and some bits of Lizst
With a masterly squeeze and a twist of the wrist
And she played and she played until she thought she would drop
And a critic stood up and cried feverishly, 'Stop!
This, miss, is all very well in its way
But why on earth won't the left one play?'

Well, poor Muriel, she blushed as she stood on the stage
Fielding and Royston rushed on in a rage
And they pushed and they pummelled
And they squeezed and they blew
Poor Muriel didn't try – she knew
So, sadly, Muriel went back to her flat
And all for the sake of a silent teat
She took a deep breath, and she let herself go
And the one on the right swing high, swing low
Made a quaint little noise like bagpipes

Cheers, Stewie.

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Amos
Date: 07 May 00 - 10:25 AM

That is so like a critic! Gal comes up with a miracle and he wants it to be symmetrical! LOL Stewie!

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Mbo
Date: 07 May 00 - 10:39 AM

Stewie, could you change Harold Fielding to Rick Fielding?

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Bert
Date: 09 May 00 - 03:56 PM

Actually Amos it's a Limerick.

There was a young fellow named Fritz
Who planted an acre of tits
They grew in the fall
Red nipples and all
and he leisurely chewed them to bits.

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 09 May 00 - 06:32 PM

Ooo!

Bert! Do visit the Tavern dear!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 09 May 00 - 06:54 PM

Of poetry, prose and the rest,

Limericks, it seems stand the test.

Whether organs or glands

'tis the rhyme that demands

that the last word I type here...is..breast.

McGonnagle

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: katlaughing
Date: 09 May 00 - 07:08 PM

Bravo! Well-done!LOL

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Spider Tom
Date: 10 May 00 - 08:23 AM

WELL!
I jurt hope you're satisfied, METCHOSIN!
I clicked (gently) upon your little thingy,To be confronted wit a banner of alternatly flashing Billy Graham
And BOOBS.
OH YES It seems inoffensive enough,but did you ever stop to think I may not have been alone
NOW, I know you warned me but you know what we men are like.
I HAD TO LOOK I WAS COMPELLED BY THE NATURE OF MAN.

Billy!
Booby!
Billy!
Booby!
Billy!

SSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!

I was nursing an infant at the time and it took us a while, to remove his gummy little mouth from the screen.

Surprised me too, I never knew the little fellow was into religion.

I, on the other hand (Whoops! gave the game away!)
Found the delightful image of a BREAST (OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH! YYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSS! BBBBBBBAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYY!)Quite splendid,thanks for that.
One question though how do I get to look at the rest?

I am not a perve, just wondered if she is someone I know, 'cause IF I do I don't know her well enough.

Think I'll go and have some coco now, helps me sleep.
..........Well a man can dream can't he?

Spider Tom

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Jul 00 - 07:30 PM

I couldn't decide whether to post my tale in the funny story thread or here. It's been a while since we revisited the breast thread so here we are.
First, I want Tom to explain his claim that he was "nursing a infant". I always pictured him as a hairy chested man's man but it appears he is a cross dresser. Or is there a darker secret?

Now to my tale:
Several years a go a man lived in our neighborhood who had been decorated for an assortment of accomplishments after WWI and tottered around on two elaborately hand carved canes in the company of his nurse. He was British and as such revered by all. We are suckers for an accent. One day I crossed paths with him on my way to the library. I had never been introduced to him but as I approached, he smiled broadly (if somewhat vacantly) and dropped one cane, reaching out to shake my hand. I instantly smiled and drew near offering my hand to him.
As I mentioned once before I am somewhat well endowed. And the British gentleman bypassed my hand and attempted to permanently attach himself to my left breast. By now he was drooling and grinning and threw down his other cane and grabbed my right breast. I was mortified and in a lot of pain. If I pushed him off I would probably be accused of killing an antique war hero. But if I didn't...By now his nurse was screaming "No, No" at him like a child and attracting a crowd of onlookers. It took the two of us to detach him, reinstall his canes, and set him upright. The whole time he smiled so sweetly and chatted incoherently at me. I gathered up the shreads of my dignity and continued on to the library amid more than a few snickers. To this day I believe he knew exactly what he was doing. Filthy Old Man!

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: katlaughing
Date: 26 Jul 00 - 11:58 PM

Ah, Mary, they revert in their tottering age! I had several like that whom I took care when I worked in hospital. There was one in particular, a Greek patriarch, quite randy despite recovering from a heart attack. He ruled the roost. Every night when I would bend across to tuck him in, he would try, quite blatantly, to slide his hand up my uniform skirt. He knew perfecty well what he was trying to do, too!

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jul 00 - 12:05 AM

The Breast came back, it just couldn't stay away!

I bet the other one isn't far off!

Yeah, that kinda crap is a pain. They did a survey once and found out the chances of never having that kind of thing happen in a female's lifetime are practially nil.

You would think sheer practicality would end this practice. I mean, when one's equipment has been mishandled such, it only makes it less likely that any close and cooperative encounters after that will be as rewarding as they might otherwise have been.

So if men want to have those long, close, relaxed encounters with a significantly appreciated woman, they should (logically) WAIT until they have THAT opportunity and not GRAB an opportunity that just spoils it for the next guy!

Makes you wonder though. At what age do you warn your daughter that this is likely to occur?

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Sailor Dan
Date: 27 Jul 00 - 04:50 AM

Sinsull, Kat & Praise;

I am surprised at you girls!!!!!

I thought you knew that ALL men were born "Dirty Old men" and regression to that state occurred on their first birthdays. "BG"

Sailor DAn

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Kim C
Date: 27 Jul 00 - 11:10 AM

Y'all are too funny!

I am a little gal so I don't have that much of a problem with the guitar. Mine fits me pretty well. Although, I would like to learn to play the fiddle holding it lower so I can sing at the same time. Now THAT, I have a problem with. Might be able to negotiate it if I practice enough.

So what does the man with three buttocks do?

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 27 Jul 00 - 11:19 AM

Stop this TITillation at once! You're all grounded!
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Jul 00 - 01:09 PM

yEAH, rOGER, THAT PRETTY WELL DESCRIBES THEM SINCE GRAVITY TOOK OVER. i NEED INSTRUCTIONS ON HOW TO APPLAUD WITHOUT HURTING MYSELF.

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Jul 00 - 07:33 PM

I was cleaning the basement the other day, when I found abook I just HAD to buy..15-20 years ago..($7 I think)...sometime you look at books and think.."they have to be kidding!"...but they weren't..so, for your amusement, here is a scan of the back of the dust jacket..

BISBA...thanks for the Mammaries

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: katlaughing
Date: 27 Jul 00 - 07:48 PM

Oh mygawd! A gynomammologist???!!! A misogynist for sure!! Man, oh, man, Bill, where do you find these!!???Wanna sell it? I've a daughter who would get a right kick out of it!!! Uh-oh, I cannot hide my thoughts, oh-no, oh dear I must change my character, let's see....I am a 36b, I am a 36b.....

LMAO!!!

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: SINSULL
Date: 27 Jul 00 - 07:53 PM

I am confused. Which comes first? Do I change my character and my breasts will follow or do I go the surgery route and see my personality change? Don't hold out on us Bill. What do I have to do to be a 32AA?

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Homeless
Date: 27 Jul 00 - 07:59 PM

And I've had people tell me that my 35 point evaluation chart was excessive.

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Jul 00 - 08:20 PM

oh, ladies...the DRAWINGS are priceless. And I will try to scan some pages in OCR and post some of the explanation. But the SHORT answer is that he says

"...when a female changes in personality and character (for better or worse) Nature changes her breasts to fit and depict that new personality and character." (italics HIS)

the levels of Balderdash
are beyond belief..*grin*

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 27 Jul 00 - 08:42 PM

My inner child matches my outer limits??

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Homeless
Date: 27 Jul 00 - 09:01 PM

I don't know, Bill... Do the words phrenology or iridology mean anything to you?

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Jul 00 - 10:32 PM

yep Homeless! *BG*..also palmistry, tea leaves, and crystal balls....

so, SINSULL and Praise..you see, it IS all up to you...

(can't figure out quickly whether 32aa comes from being sweet, or bitchy)...there is 'Style', 'Mode', 'Type','Size', 'Fashion'...etc..and various combos indicate character...this thing is Myers-Briggs crossed with Lamarck and a bit of misogny thrown in. There are a couple of "New" bible-like things it reminds me of..The Urantia Book, and Ohaspe...complex, off-the-wall theological treatises.

never a dull moment

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Homeless
Date: 27 Jul 00 - 10:37 PM

I don't supposed you'd be wanting to lend that book out to an interested reader, now would you Bill? Or maybe rent it? Academic interest only, mind you. (You say there's pictures, right?) *G*

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: Bill D
Date: 27 Jul 00 - 10:51 PM

BAD line drawings only!...(you want pictures? I'll show you pictures...just type..www.bigbazongas.com....no, never mind)

(I may have to issue library cards!)

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: SINSULL
Date: 28 Jul 00 - 09:04 AM

Homeless,
Your 35 Point Chart was downright frightening! So I have to either be a total bitch or a total sweetie to get them to shrink but you don't know which? And if I do the wrong thing, will I explode? This is serious guys! Now that I think about it, there is a potential here for a male version of this book. Any Mudcat ladies want to contribute a chapter? The happy personality? The morose guitar player? The grumpy bagpiper?

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: katlaughing
Date: 28 Jul 00 - 09:37 AM

I suppose the first thing for the guys, Mary, would be their ability to pump must be measured.....iron, that is...then, were they grumpy while doing so, happy, oblivious with a glazed look in their eyes? And, of course music would have to be factored in...we could do controlled experiments like with the houseplants and music....look he has ahem grown and is leaning more towards the sunshine as a result of our playing "Afternoon Delight" nonstop for a week! BUT, has it made him any nicer???

I don't think the personality thing would work as well for change with guys...they can't help it...sometimes the little guy just has a mind of his own.

Subject: RE: BS: The Other Breast
From: wysiwyg
Date: 28 Jul 00 - 09:46 AM

I think these already DO reflect an effort to shape or portray personality.

~S~