BS: F****ing Austria

Subject: F****ing Austria
From: Tony Burns
Date: 04 May 00 - 06:41 AM

'spaw's gonna love this one!

At this site you can see the following.

Fucking Tourists Tourists are causing a lot of anxiety - and are costing money - to a tiny village where signs keep disappearing. What do the signs read? "Welcome to Fucking, Austria." Pronounced "fooking," the little hamlet of Fucking is named after the man who founded the village in the 6th century. His name? Focko. The town sign has been stolen seven times in the last few months. With signs costing several hundred dollars apiece, much of the tiny town's budget is being spent replacing the signs, says Siegfried Hoeppel, the Mayor of Fucking. He went on to express his hope that further thefts will be avoided through the use of increased concrete and ... bigger screws.

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Wotcha
Date: 04 May 00 - 07:12 AM

When I was stationed in Germany, we attended a pub meal where part of the entertainment was provided by the host. He was fairly entertaining until some off color jokes parted his lips -- he hadn't quite gauged his audience.

The lady next to me, a well meaning old German lady, apologized saying "Please, we are not like this at all in Germany ... he is from Austria..."

Cheers,
Gruss Gott
Brian

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: bill\sables
Date: 04 May 00 - 08:15 AM

While working in the Seychelles in the Indian Ocean in 1986 we found a pharmacy owned by a man with the name of Foo King so naturally every one had to buy something so as to get a paper bag printed with the title "FooKing Chemist" Cheers Bill

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 May 00 - 08:24 AM

You're right Tony....I love it!

And as most of you are probably aware, not to far from "Mudcat Central" in eastern Pennsylvania, you can drive through "Intercourse" and its only a few miles to "Paradise."

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Grab
Date: 04 May 00 - 08:39 AM

Last time I was skiing in Zell am See, Austria, there was an electrical shop across the road (fridges, etc) called "Electrodick". I believe it means something like "Big Electrical" in German, but...

Grab.

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: GUEST,James
Date: 04 May 00 - 09:09 AM

In Nfld you can go to dildo and come by chance.....both mixed blessings I should think.

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Bugsy
Date: 04 May 00 - 10:38 AM

Funnily enough, I have heard that you get bigger screws in Fucking Austria!

Cheers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Metchosin
Date: 04 May 00 - 10:51 AM

And there is an Upper Dildo as well, the mind boggles.

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 May 00 - 11:50 AM

Think you could help us out here with what the use of an "upper" might be? It does remind me of an old joke which I will refrain (for once) from telling.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Metchosin
Date: 04 May 00 - 12:21 PM

Don't know Spaw, and I'm not sure I want to speculate.

Like the tourists in Germany, I rented a car to drive out there, from St. John's, while I was working in Nfld. during the '70's, just so I could say I'd been to Dildo. My summer students thought I was daft and kept asking me "Why do you want to go to Dildo? there's nothing there!"

They were right of course.

But during my stint in Newfoundland, I managed to take in probably one of the best Blues Bands I have ever heard in my life from Cornerbrook. (and I have had a front row seat in a small coffe house with Sonny Terry and Brownie McGee) One never knows what gems you can find in unexpected places.

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Wavestar
Date: 04 May 00 - 06:00 PM

I was so delighted to find a town in Scotland called Twatt... I nearly expired laughing.

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: DougR
Date: 04 May 00 - 06:09 PM

Spaw: Isn't there a Blue Balls, PA also? Seems to me i've heard of it.

DougR

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: thosp
Date: 04 May 00 - 06:31 PM

Spaw ----- i didn't know about Drive Through Intercourse in Pa. ---- are they near McDonalds/BurgerKing ---- is it being test marketed? --- do you know if there are plans to expand? --- the New York market is so tight --i'd be surprised if they could enter! keep us abreast of the situation(or is that another thread?)

peace (Y) thosp

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Lady McMoo
Date: 04 May 00 - 06:43 PM

Those familiar with London might remember

"R. Soles Shoe Repairs"

in the King's Road, Chelsea

Peace,

mcmoo

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Bugsy
Date: 04 May 00 - 06:58 PM

We've got an "Intercourse Island" in the North West of Western Australia.

It'a a C*** of a place.

CHeers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: SDShad
Date: 04 May 00 - 07:20 PM

I must admit, I'm really tempted to just unequivocally say, "oh, c'mon, Spaw, tell the joke."

But I'm worried, just a little bit, of what might come our way if I did. A joke that Spaw won't tell.....

*shudder*

Musing,

Chris

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Bill D
Date: 04 May 00 - 07:25 PM

Colorado dilema

...as one can easily see, you can get to Climax without going by way of Fairplay..(Foreplay?), but it is hard to avoid Balltown...People used to steal the Climax road signs all the time)

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Sorcha
Date: 04 May 00 - 08:02 PM

Well, it's not as funny as yours, but we used to have Hell, Wyoming, but they closed it.

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Mbo
Date: 04 May 00 - 08:10 PM

We have Tickbite, North Carolina, drive by it every Sunday & Friday.

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Helen
Date: 04 May 00 - 08:15 PM

There's Phucket (pronounced Poo-ket')in Bali (I think, or is it Thailand?) And the German word for "father" is "farter" which caused untold merriment in our high school German class.

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Fadac
Date: 04 May 00 - 08:16 PM

Pffffffffffttt. (Whew!) When driving in Germany you have to fart a lot. To get on the autoban you einfart, to exit ausfart.

Nothing funner than watching new drivers driving along on icy cobble stones.

-fadac

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Mbo
Date: 04 May 00 - 08:20 PM

Not to mention the yard service company "Asplundt", the various pronunciations of "Norfolk" and I think the German word for "Exit" is funny but I can't remember what it is....Helen, I've usually seen "Vater" but never "Farter"! Weeeeeeeeeeird!

--Mbo

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Irish sergeant
Date: 04 May 00 - 08:30 PM

Hi All: Helen, having taken German myself and having a great-grandmother who was Swiss-German, Vater is the correct word for father. Some of my favorites were road names. Little Neck Rd, Dam Neck Rd, Bird Neck Rd, All in Virginia Beach. Pig Farm Hollow Rd, Near Bowie Maryland and the all time favorite Dinglehole Rd, Baldwinsville, NY (Dinglehole just sounds vaguely scatalogical to me. Reguards, Neil

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Petr
Date: 04 May 00 - 08:48 PM

In Vancouver we have B & E furniture right next to S & M auto.

There was a company based in Norfolk and one of their product mottos was Its Norfolk and good.

(its better if you say it fast) Cheers Petr

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: sophocleese
Date: 04 May 00 - 08:53 PM

My brother and a friend sat down on the road they were laughing so hard when they got to Licenits in Czechoslovakia. I remember being delighted as a child to discover that in Finland you could get Super Piss for your car.

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: GUEST,Lyle
Date: 04 May 00 - 09:15 PM

In north central Iowa, near where I used to live, there are two towns about 10 miles apart called Manly and Fertile. Newspapers had a field day when a "Manly Man Weds Fertile Girl."

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Bugsy
Date: 04 May 00 - 09:26 PM

There's also a town on the way to the Goldfields called Ghooli.

I've heard Ball games are quite popular there.

Cheers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: alison
Date: 04 May 00 - 10:26 PM

Phuket is in Thailand Helen, lovely place.. from there we went to Phi Phi (Pee-Pee) island....... just like something out of the old bounty ads.........

slainte

alison

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Escamillo
Date: 04 May 00 - 11:10 PM

There's an important city in South Brazil called PELOTAS, which means balls, the funny thing is that in Spanish, the phrase "estamos en pelotas" means "we are in balls", equivalent to ... " we are absolutely naked". So, polite tourist refuse to say what city they are in. Others like me, enjoy to repeat it.
Un abrazo - Andrés
(Short Spanish course: if I ask you "Cómo estamos", how would you reply?)

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: catspaw49
Date: 04 May 00 - 11:33 PM

So the woman walks into the "Sexual Novelty Store" and says to the clerk, "My husband has been out of town for a month and I'm going crazy without him. What have you got to help me?" The clerk reaches into the display cabinet and pulls out a 12" vibrator and hands it to the woman. She stares at it and says, "Oh my. What do you do with it?" The clerk says, "Just pretend its your husband. You'll love it!! Take it home and use it tonight and and call me tomorrow to let me know what you think."

The next day the woman calls back and tells the clerk she used it, but now has another question. The guy says he'll be happy to help and what is it she wants to know.

"Well, it worked fine," she said, "but do you know of a good dentist since now all of my teeth are broken out?"

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: thosp
Date: 04 May 00 - 11:34 PM

todos esta bien e con usted?

peace (Y) thosp

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Helen
Date: 05 May 00 - 02:35 AM

My apologies, Mbo & Irish Sergeant. You're right about the spelling, but it was funny because it is pronounced like "farter".

Oh, I just remembered one of the threads sometime in the last year where we were playing around with words and I started rabbiting on about "farticules", "farticular" etc and someone else - was it Andres, or MMario, made it up into a whole set of paragraphs. Anyone remember the thread it was in?

After I posted the (wrong) German word for father and had gone offline I remebered that the German word for Grandmother is Gross-mutter (correct me if I'm wrong) so does this mean that Grandfather is a really gross farter?

Helen

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Sourdough
Date: 05 May 00 - 02:46 AM

Then there is the scene in the Hauptbanhof when the ticket agent asks if you would like a Rundfahrt. When it happened to me, I first thought he was being solicitous about my intestinal health but, no, he just wanted to know if I wanted a round trip ticket.

Sourdough

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Metchosin
Date: 05 May 00 - 02:52 AM

Did that happen in the little town of Badgeschmelt?

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Sourdough
Date: 05 May 00 - 03:02 AM

No, but on my first trip to Germany I thought Munich was filled with a chain of hotels with the same name. I saw it stenciled on hotel front doors all over the city, "Hotel Eingang". After a bit, I did notice that these same hotels had another door. It was labelled "Hotel Ausgang". Only then did I catch on.

Well, I never said I was a linguist.

Sauer Dough

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: GUEST,Auxiris
Date: 05 May 00 - 05:53 AM

Dare I mention that there is a town in France called Condom?

cheers, Aux

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: kendall
Date: 05 May 00 - 07:04 AM

there are three towns in Scotland, Tongue, Lick and Bun. John Gould, a Maine author, wrote that a "fahtmesser" is a sort of jack knife. When I was boarding foreign ships off the east coast to check for compliance with the International fishing treaty, we had a basic phrase book for many languages. The one for German was a bit much..on our departure, we were supposed to say "Goot faht" I just waved. And, what do you suppose "foot" means in German slang?

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: kendall
Date: 05 May 00 - 07:10 AM

As they say in Newfoundland, Whale oil beef hooked.. (say it out loud)

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: GUEST,Lee
Date: 05 May 00 - 07:18 AM

Did somebody say a town in France called Condom?

Is it a naval town? If so is it full of semen?

Lee

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Dharmabum
Date: 05 May 00 - 07:56 AM

While playing in a bar a few years back, I mentioned that I was from New Jersey. A man with a southern accent spoke up and said," New Jersey,Hell If they was gonna give the world an enema, thats where they'd stick the tube". I felt compelled to set the record straight and pointed out to him that," That would acually be Newark, I live in West Testicle".

Ron.

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: GUEST,KingBrilliant
Date: 05 May 00 - 07:59 AM

In the South of England we have Pishill, and even more evocatively we have Alf's Piddle. Actually there are quite a lot of Puddles & Piddles.

Kris

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Albatross
Date: 05 May 00 - 08:23 AM

There was the receptionist in a small firm in Derbyshire who regularly had to answer the phone and say " Hello Mycock's Electrical ". And there was a Derbyshire building company called "Peak Erection Ltd". How about some scandinavian names: Odd Willy Bent Axle Odd Bugge

It's all in the name! Albatross

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Billy the Bus
Date: 05 May 00 - 09:04 AM

Oh my golly gosh, I'm out-gunned before I start.

B(r)est I can do from "Dunny-unner" is:

Tutaekuri town name that means "Dog Shit"

Sign-posts at Westport, that may link to this Fred...

Utopia Street>
Cemetery>
No Exit

Or, in the same town....

Waters Lane>
Public Toilets>

I resign, can't think of anything better than that from Kiwidom.

Yours in contrition...

Mas

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Patrish(inactive)
Date: 05 May 00 - 09:20 AM

In Cleckheaton - West Yorkshire we have a lovely chinese take-away called The Sha-tin. It doesn't inspire confidence in the cuisine.
Patrish

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: SDShad
Date: 05 May 00 - 09:21 AM

I'm so glad I asked, Spaw. Thanks.....

*g*

Hell may no longer exist in Wyoming, but you can still go to Hell in Norway. Trondheim, like so many modern cities, has an airport some distance away from the city proper. Hell sits between city and airport.

So you literally have to go through Hell to catch an airplane in Trondheim.

Chris

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: GUEST,Auxiris
Date: 05 May 00 - 09:32 AM

Yes, there is indeed a town in France called Condom, though I can't remember just now exactly where it's located. However, I have heard that the object that now bears the same name was invented there. . .

cheers, Aux

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: Albatross
Date: 05 May 00 - 10:29 AM

Then there was the famous line by that old english cricket commentator the late Brian Johnston: "....the bowler's Holden, the batsman's Willy...."

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: GUEST,Wolfgang
Date: 05 May 00 - 10:47 AM

back to folkmusic: The local folk group in Fucking, Austria, is called "Die Fuckinger Senkrechtstarter". A "Senkrechtstarter" is a VTOL aircraft and the word is used in German for anything (anybody) raising very quickly.
Wolfgang Hell (who uses his wifes last name in English speaking countries)

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: GUEST,Lee
Date: 05 May 00 - 10:59 AM

Up until I was about thirteen I thought Wang King was a city in Southern Asia.

Lee

Subject: RE: BS: F****ing Austria
From: GUEST,Mrr
Date: 05 May 00 - 11:02 AM

My parents lived on Condom Street in Bangkok, and on the corner was a little cart selling Cabbages and Condoms ... And I'm glad someone else asked Spaw to "just tell the joke" -
But my favorite street name is right here in Charlottesville (well, Stony Point area, if you want precision) - called Pinch 'Em Slyly. I kid you not.