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BS: Shared Jokes
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BS: Shared Jokes |
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Subject: Shared Jokes From: Mrrzy Date: 30 May 00 - 11:38 PM Click for the 'PermaThread™: List of all joke threads'This posting has 2 heads, as my older twin says whenever anything has two major parts: 1) The "A Joke To Share" thread was getting too long for my computer [imagine blicky here; am sure some bottomfeeder, as I've read us being called, will do a real one soon], and 2) I am collecting jokes that have to be told in conjunction with other jokes. I don't know any musical ones, so consider this second head a gauntlet! If you don't know the kind of joke I mean, I'll give you 2 examples.Bold indicates the joke that cannot be told alone. Knock Knock? Q: What do elephants use for tampons? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Shared Jokes From: Peter Kasin Date: 31 May 00 - 12:29 AM What did Tarzan say when he saw 50 elephants running over the hill? "Look! 50 elephants running over the hill!" What did Tarzan say when he saw 50 elephants wearing sunglasses running over the hill? Nothing. He didn't recognize them. Very, very, old, I know, but you asked... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Shared Jokes From: Spider Tom Date: 31 May 00 - 07:00 AM Why do ducks have large flat feet? For stamping out grass fires. Why do elephants have large flat feet? For stamping out burning ducks. Why did the natives run out of the jungle shouting "The elephants are coming, The elephants are coming."? Have you ever seen an elephant come? Spider Tom ( with a very old chuckle) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Shared Jokes From: kendall Date: 31 May 00 - 08:13 AM Why did the chicken cross the road? to show the Possum it really could be done. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Shared Jokes From: Gary T Date: 31 May 00 - 09:25 AM Okay (sigh), you asked for it. A team of architects and construction contractors planned and built a splendid building, carefully figuring out exactly how many boards, bricks, nails, etc. to use. When they were done, the building looked great and worked perfectly, but there was one brick left over. After checking and accepting there was no place that the extra brick was needed, the head architect just tossed it away. (At this point the listeners have blank stares, as the joke falls rather flat. So we say, "Well, that one's a little odd, but here's a better story.") Riding a train, a man puffing away on a big cigar is seated directly across from a woman holding a yappy little dog. They are getting on each other's nerves. The woman says, "Sir, that cigar smoke is very offensive. Please put it out." The man says, "Madam, it's no more offensive than that noisy animal, so stuff it!" Incensed, the woman grabs the cigar out of his mouth and throws it out the window. The man then grabs her pet and throws the dog out the window. Naturally, they're both quite upset the rest of the trip, but when they get off at the next station, here comes the dog running up behind the train. And guess what the dog has in his mouth? (Those who guess say, "The cigar?") No, the brick! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Shared Jokes From: Jacob B Date: 31 May 00 - 11:21 AM Q. Why do elephants have flat feet? A. From jumping out of trees. Q. Why should you stay out of the jungle between 2 and 4 in the afternoon? A. That's when the elephants jump out of trees. Q. Why are pygmies so short? A. They go in the jungle between 2 and 4 in the afternoon. Q. What's the stuff between elephant's toes? A. Pygmies who didn't stay out of the jungle between 2 and 4 in the afternoon. Q. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming? A. The elephants are coming. Q. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming? A. The blueberries are coming. He was color-blind. Q. What's the difference between an elephant and a blueberry? A. If you don't know, I'm not going to send you to the store to get blueberries! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Shared Jokes From: Steve Latimer Date: 31 May 00 - 11:35 AM The first joke is one of my long time favourites. It must have been fifteen years between hearing it and the follow up. A tourist gets cut away from the group while in the Notre Dame Cathedral. He wanders around by himself and ends up in the bell tower, only to find Quasimodo. He introduces himself and a wonderful conversation develops. Quite suddenly Quasi excuses himself, runs as hard as he can and drives his forehead into the bell, a loud 'Bong' emits and he returns to the tourist as if nothing had happened. Puzzled, the tourist asks why he did that. Quasi expalains that as it is one o'clock, it's faster to do that than to walk down the stairs and grab the rope for the sake of a single bong. The tourist accepts this explanation and the conversation continues. A while later Quasi says 'hey, it's coming on one-thirty, why don't you give it a go?' The tourist says 'oh no, I could never do that' Quasi persists and finally talks him into it. The tourist runs as hard as he can, head butts the bell, it gives the required bong, but on it's recoil it hits the tourist, knocking him out of the tower. 'Ah shite' says Quasi and winds his way down the stairs into the courtyard and through a large crowd that has gathered. The gendarmes are examining the situation and say to Quasi 'he fell from your tower, who is he?' To which Quasi says "I don't know the name, but the face rings a bell" Th Bishop dismisses Quasimodo because of this incident and recruiting of his replacement begins. Several candidates are interviewed, many with wonderful qualifications. A foreigner shows up and explains that he has no qualifications, but that it was his brother who fell from the tower and he wanted to honour his death by becoming the new bell ringer. The Bishop is moved by his story, and once he gets assurance that he would not employ the method that killed his brother, he allows him to give it a try. At one o'clock he heaves on the rope, gets the satisfactory "Bong" but forgets to let go of the rope. The recoil whips him out of the tower, the Bishop says 'Oh Shite', makes his way down to the courtyard and through the gathered crowd, only to get the same question from the gendarmes, "He fell out of your tower, who is he?" The Bishop replies "I don't know, but he's a dead ringer for his brother." |
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Subject: RE: BS: Shared Jokes From: Mrrzy Date: 31 May 00 - 12:45 PM I love these - but where is the MUSIC? i don't want to be accused of starting -and maintaining- nonmusical threads by the Mudcat Police! And I have to admit I don't "get" the brick. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Shared Jokes From: Melani Date: 31 May 00 - 12:54 PM Okay, music: Q: What's the difference between an accordian and a banjo? A: A banjo's easier to light, but an accordian gives off more heat. Q: What's red and white on the outside, and gray on the inside? A: A can of Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Shared Jokes From: Gary T Date: 31 May 00 - 02:06 PM Well, Mrrzy, the "brick" joke is a stupid one and it's debatable as to whether it's worth getting, but here goes: You offer to tell a joke, and tell the first part (ending with the brick being tossed away). It's not really a joke, it has no point, nobody laughs, so you then offer to tell one that is surely better. Now you tell the second part (which perhaps can be embellished a bit to make it more engaging), and when you ask "And guess what the dog has in his mouth?", everyone figures it must be the cigar (presumably they have dismissed all thought of the first part, since it was stupid and unfunny)--it's such a cute and logical thing to assume. Then you pull the rug out from under them, surprising them with it being the brick and with the fact that you have now justified telling the first part. It's not a knee-slapper, but the amusement is in the absurdity and unexpected twist at the end. It probably works quite a bit better when told rather than written. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Shared Jokes From: sophocleese Date: 31 May 00 - 04:34 PM A great joke to slip into a conversation which has turned dirty.. What do you do with elephant with three balls? Walk him and pitch to the rhino. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Shared Jokes From: Peter T. Date: 31 May 00 - 04:35 PM Great explanation Gary -- much funnier than the original joke. Reminds me of my (American) Junior High school graduation (Belton, Missouri) when the Prom Queen gave me her book to autograph, and I put in it: Yours Till Niagara Falls. And she looked at it very carefully, and then said: "That's a Canadian joke, right?" It was a pity, she was so extremely beautiful. yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Shared Jokes From: GUEST,Mrr Date: 01 Jun 00 - 10:03 AM Ah, no soap, radio! I must have grown up since then, admitting I don't get things... Q: How do you fit 4 elephants in a VW bug? A: 2 in the front, 2 in the back. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Shared Jokes From: GUEST,Hilary NZ Date: 02 Jun 00 - 03:17 AM Mrrzy.... just humm while you read the jokes! |