BS: Funny Performance stories?????

Subject: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Pseudolus
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 07:30 PM

If this is a repeat thread please point me to the original. After listening to you all for the last month or so, there must be some funny things that have happened to you during a gig.....and I'd love to read about 'em. Since I'm asking, I'll start......

I mentioned in another thread that I play often at the Nursing Home that my Dad stays at. He really likes it when I come out to play. Anyway, one time I was playing and this woman was singing EVERYTHING with me. She didn't need to know words or tune, she just kept singing. My Dad was giving her dirty looks but she kept singing. In between songs I said to my dad, "what do you want me to play, Dad?"....and he says very loudly, "Play something she doesn't know!!!!!!" What a moment!!!

Frank

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: catspaw49
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 07:39 PM

Yeah Frank we have, but there's a lot of new folks around who I'm sure have a story to tell. I'm just glad its not about sexual performance since Kendall has a lot of problems in that area. But as this is an International forum, you should know that some of our English compatriots have a different meaning for the word "gig." In that case you may also find them telling a few sexual performance stories!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Sorcha
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 07:39 PM

I think I have told this before here, but I can't remember where, so I will tell it again. Like yours, at a Nursing Home. My group was playing, and Julia was wandering. In one door, out another. In one, out one. STARING HARD at us, and passing as close to us as she dared between the band and the residents. After about 30 minutes, she walked right up to Dana, our other fidder and did the hard eye contact thing. Dana smiled at her and........

Whang!! Julia knocked the fiddle right out of Dana's hands. I caught the bow, the guitar player caught the fiddle. No one else even missed a beat, just kept playing. Dana smiled at Julia, collected her fiddle and bow and got back in. 3 of us missed 2 bars. Needless to say, we called an aide to come collect Julia, and stay the rest of the evening, and in times to come.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: GUEST,Sandra-NZ
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 07:59 PM

You might also want to check here too.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: kendall
Date: 21 Jul 00 - 08:58 PM

pay no attention to that man behind the curtain..

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 22 Jul 00 - 01:16 AM

Sorcha - Would that be Dana Lyn? I remember her from the SF bay area. Great fiddler! Well, here's my most screwball gig story. Back in 1988, me on fiddle and a mandola player/singer were hired to play Scottish music several weekends at an open house in a retirement community in the East bay. They were showing a new unit in a community named for golf links in Scotland. They wanted us to be dressed in kilts. The only problem is neither of us had any. We didn't have much time to get some, and I managed to borrow one. The other guy borrowed a kilt from a renn faire person - a Great Kilt, meaning nine yards of fabric that had to be folded and wrapped according to specific instructions. The mandola player wasn't given very good instructions in how to make the kilt out of the fabric, so there we were in an empty room we used for dressing, trying to figure out what to do in fifteen minutes. I also brought, as a desperation move, a plaid ladies skirt my mother loaned me, just in case it was needed. He was making no headway in getting his Great Kilt on, and with five minutes to go, he just wrapped it around himself tightly, resembling a cocktail waitress. It looked so ridiculous, we were in tears laughing our guts out. I fell on the floor laughing, and held up the skirt, and said "Please, please, put on my mother's skirt!!!" That did it. We were both useless, laughing like maniacs. We decided to go on with the Great Kilt re-wrapped just around his waist, and somehow managed to get through the gig. After we told a few friends about it, every time some of the Irish musicians saw me, they would greet me with "Please, please, put on my mother's skirt!!!" It took about a year until that greeting died out.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Nynia
Date: 22 Jul 00 - 08:01 PM

Many, many moons ago me and my departed friend Jimmy played a night at a folk club held in the YWCA in Edinburgh. During the first half Jimmy got his eye on three girls in the front row, two were very pretty one, somewhat large. During the half time break he tried to chat them up asking how they'd liked the first half. The concensus was that it was OK but they'd like more Scottish songs in thec second half, which Jim duly promised. As the singer I had to comply, we finnished off the night with "The Balad Of Blair Peach" which was still topical at the time. At the end of the night Jimmy tried his luck again. The big lass said it was far better but for the encore which was all about a bloke getting beaten up and killed by screws. We agreed that comment was more or less correct. To the amusement of all the lass proceeded to announce, for all to hear, that they were screws, and bloody good screws!!! As you can imagine the room was in uproar before the lass could try to correct herself. Ah well, methinks it pays to advertise.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Noreen
Date: 22 Jul 00 - 08:17 PM

That earlier thread mentioned by Sandra was brilliant- did it ever get made into a book?

Noreen

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Sorcha
Date: 23 Jul 00 - 12:11 AM

chanteyranger, nope sorry. Last name is Haas, and we have never played the Bay area. If you would like simple instructions to don a Great Kilt, PM me. I would be happy to provide. My Mr. has one that I made.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: catspaw49
Date: 23 Jul 00 - 01:24 AM

Noreen, something you got to understand around here.......We have had at least 20 threads worthy of becoming the basis for books. We discuss the possibility, say its a great idea, and then never do anything about it.......Tis the nature of the 'Cat. Basically we'd all prefer to sit around and entertain each other. The waste of mindpower around here is tremendous.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 23 Jul 00 - 03:06 AM

Playing an old-folks home here in Annapolis last year. Lots of lovely seniors in front of me singing along, a few drooling and staring vacantly into space, some talking to themselves or absent friends, all of which I can handle. One lady sat off to my right front row, and had a beauty of a booger hanging from her nose like an apple on a tree, which she licked every 30 seconds or so. No matter how I tried to focus my attention elsewhere, my eyes were drawn back to her. I was fascinated and repulsed at the same time, like a rabbit hypnotized by a snake. She would work it like a boxer working the speed-bag, she would caress it, as a child with a lollipop, and no matter what I sang, there she was, right in my line of vision for an hour. All the best. Seamus

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Lanfranc
Date: 23 Jul 00 - 05:56 PM

There was once a famous English bass/baritone who was singing with the Halifax (Yorkshire) Choral Society in their annual performance of Handel's Messiah.

At the height of one of his cadenzas, his false teeth flew from his open mouth. Without missing a note, he caught the flying dentures, finished the aria, turned around, popped them back in and continued. Collapse of audience.

Possibly apocryphal, but my father-in-law told the story often.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Diva
Date: 23 Jul 00 - 07:19 PM

Last year I was asked to sing Border Ballads at a Border Gathering. Having checked that I did actually sing some Border Ballads,off I set. I got there to find out that no one really knew what was going on,still we organised ourselves,two ballad singers and an English duo into something resembling a performence. Now the duo had been travelling from the deep south and had been on the road since 6 am and it was now afternoon,and freezing.......Scotland in August!!!! The clambered up on to the side of a huge lorry,that was an entertainmemt in itself and started the set,two verses in,the organiser hirpled up as fast as she could and stopped them - mid song- the horses were next so could they please stop. I am not making this up. Then we unaccompanied balladeers took the mike,now I don't know if you've ever tried to sing into a mike with a howling gale whipping the words out of your mouth.....but its an experience. Still we soldiered on, ably assisted by Willie Beattie dressed in a kilt,into his 80's,clambering onto the side of the lorry. Made of Stern stuff these Borderers. So the day continued and we enlisted a few of our friends to come up and sing with us,fortified with a few brandies to keep out the cold. We gave up the Border Ballads and decided to do a few things we could all sing together. By late afternoon we decided we'd had enough and went to get our expenses......they could'nt find the treasurer and it looked for a momemt that no cash would be forthcoming. However they did eventually find the man with the cash and we went on our merry way. Its about time for the gathering this year and I can't think why my friend hasn't been on the phone about it!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 24 Jul 00 - 04:14 AM

"They couldn't find the treasurer." There have been so many excuses made for not paying the performers, that could make a whole other thread in itself. The most annoying one I've encountered is: "The check? Oh...you're supposed to sign an invoice and we'll mail it to you."

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Gervase
Date: 24 Jul 00 - 07:40 AM

The worst - and subsequently one of the funniest - was being booked as a band to play for the South Norfolk Conservative Association summer hop.
We were, as we thought, fairly funky - banjo, box, bass, drums and a few other odds and sods; dressed like a bunch of crusties and looking very un-Conservative. It was only after much political soul-searching and the realisation that we were skint that we even agreed to do the gig.
The audience was dressed in Woolworth cowboy hats, check shirts and jeans and wearing kids' six-shooter holsters. To a man - and woman - they looked as if a cloning experiment involving a mix of merchant bankers and young farmers on acid had gone horribly wrong.
"Eeargh," says the formidable South Norfolk battleaxe in charge, "We though you were going to do country and western sort of music. We dressed up specially, you see." We did see, and explained that we weren't C&W, and then played - and the buggers loved it; sweating, reeling and generally having a good time. Amazing how cheap potent music can be, we told 'em.
Then half time arrives, and we are told that we can go off and get some grub and some booze, while the honourable member makes a quick speech and draws the raffle.
At this, the diminutive but wonderfully pompous figure of the Rt Hon John Selwyn Gummer MP, PC steps up to a spare mike to rally the troops (for non-UK 'catters, all that needs to be known is that he was one of the Iron Lady's eminently forgetable vegetables).
It was at that moment, as Gumdrop cleared his throat and waited for a bit of hush - with all mikes still live and the PA still on the Spinal Tap Number 11 - that Dave on banjo took one look at Gumdrop and groaned, in a sepulchral voice that the PA carried halfway to Suffolk: "F***in' hell - it's that stupid Tory c**t off the telly. I'm off for a spliff - anyone else coming?"
You could have heard a pin drop for aboud a second, and then the battleaxe stormed up onto the stage and, amid plenty of "How dare yous..." insisted on only the honourable member being miked up.
Gumdrop himself didn't say a word, but his Special Branch minders reminded me of the scene in Life of Brian where the guards were desperately trying not to laugh.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Bagpuss
Date: 24 Jul 00 - 07:47 AM

When I was in a ceilidh band at school, my French teacher played the concertina. He was sitting on top of an amp, playing merrily along. Behind the stage was a curtain, and he presumed there was a wall behind that.... he leant back against the "wall" and fell off the back of the stage and dropped his concertina underneath it. It was all we could do to finish the tune, cos we were in such hysterics.

You can bet that we never let him forget about it either!

Bagpuss

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Whistle Stop
Date: 24 Jul 00 - 09:20 AM

A few years ago I was perfoming a series of dates in Norway with my band (we're from the U.S.A.). The dates had been booked by a local agent, and in order to make the most of our trip (twelve shows in thirteen nights)there was a real range of venues. On this particular day we were playing at an enormous community center -- a 747 could have landed in the place. Unfortunately, the promotion for the event had been minimal, it was a Sunday, the weather was kind of lousy, and all told there were maybe a dozen people in the place. We played the first set, hoping to see some more people stroll in, but at the first break there were still only a handful of people there.

We used our break to encourage each other, and to reinforce our conviction to play as if there were thousands of people hanging on every note. Just as we were about to go back on, the manager of the center happened to stroll by. He heard us pumping each other up ("no matter how small the audience, they came here to listen to us, and by God we owe them the best show we can put on!"), then cleared his throat, gave us an embarrassed look, and informed us that we were playing to the cleaning crew, who were really looking forward to going home! Needless to say, we cut the rest of the performance short, thanked them profusely, and got the hell out of there.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Melani
Date: 24 Jul 00 - 03:23 PM

A folk music performance by my church's youth group--at the Illinois State Mental Hospital. You can probably imagine...My personal favorite was a lady in army boots, with one pink and one blue knee sock, who sat in the front row unrolling toilet paper during the entire performance. She had quite a lot of it with her. Fortunately we had ID with us, so they let us out again after the show.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Kim C
Date: 24 Jul 00 - 03:33 PM

When I was in high school, back in another lifetime, I sang in the Madrigals. We too went to the local mental hospital for a Christmas presentation. We stood in formation in a half-moon, with our pinkies linked so we would all keep our arms down. In the middle of one of the songs, one of the residents ran right through the center of our perfect half-moon formation. We didn't miss a beat.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: GUEST,Petr
Date: 24 Jul 00 - 09:01 PM

A good friend of mine Peter Huron Irish Fiddle player and guitarist was booked in to a Country and Western bar in a small town in Ontario with his band, mainly because his agent assumed that fiddle = country. It was the only bar in town and they completely cleared it on a Saturday night playing Irish music. The owner wanted to kill them, but just gave them $50 or so out of the till. Petr

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: GUEST,Rich(stupidbodhranplayerwhodoesn'tknowbetter
Date: 25 Jul 00 - 05:56 PM

I was playing NYE last year at a first night event. We were supposed to play early in the afternoon and be free to be on our way but the organizers lost several of there venue, juggled the schedule and moved us to a different room at 11 pm(from 2pm!)! We could have backed out and demanded pay but decided to make the best of it. It was the beginning of a whole slew of problems. My fiddler was pissed as he had planned to visit friends that night. They had printed beautiful multi-colored posters for all the performers that were supposed to play in the evening. Ours was drawn in marker on a cardboard box. By this time we were all feeling pretty low and not really in the mood to play but we thought we could go watch the ceili club's perfomance and maybe draw a few people over afterwards. A few really tiny step-dancers got up to the stage to dance at the end of the set and it was the first good thing to happen all day. Little darlings they were and fine dancers at such a young age! Like Michael Flatley only with integrity! Some one informed me that these little girls were taking lessons from a local teacher and dance caller I've met at ceilis and learned sets and ceilis from so when I was congratulating them on their dancing I added "I hear you're taking lessons from Liz." THey were about to agree when the littlest cute-as-a-buttonest, knee-high-to-a-grasshopperest one realized she had just been issued a rare and wondrous oppurtunity. To correct a grown-up! (I know what you're thinking but the story works better if you let me classify myself as a grown-up) Well, 2 little hands balled up into 2 little fists and 2 little fists landed on 2 little hips and she looked up and stated "YOU MEAN MRS. GRINGKO!" It was just what I needed a good laugh and a look at life through a little ones eyes. The rest of the night went wonderful after that!
Rich

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Mrrzy
Date: 25 Jul 00 - 11:47 PM

One of my favorite old actual slides from our childhood was snapped moments before my clarinet-playing sister's chair fell backwards off the podium... well, we thought it was pretty funny at the time, and every time that picture comes up (you can see one leg of her chair just beginning to go off the edge if you look), it's funny again.

Subject: RE: BS: Funny Performance stories?????
From: Sorcha
Date: 26 Jul 00 - 01:47 AM

All better than mine, and all so hilariuously funny and true!!! More the better for being true!