BS: Never do X with Y

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: gnu
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 02:52 PM

Cat carrier... minds me of the time I tried in vain to get one of ours out of a carrier at the vet's. Vet watched me for a while, smiled and said, "Let me try." She picked up the carrier and dumped the cat onto the examining table, upon which, I smiled too. Of course, my ex and the vet roared with laughter.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: JohnInKansas
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 02:39 PM

I haven't seen the oldest and most useful from any of our nautical friends:

Don't spit off the bow.

(Applies to all emisssions of bodily fluids and other circumstances with "upwind" connotations.)

John

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: GUEST,SharonA at the library
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 01:44 PM

Never put a cat into a pet-carrier head-first. The head is the only thing you'll get in there. (Learned this from my vet: back him into it, with a hand in front of his nose!)

Never rain in southern California.
Never play the wild rover, nay never no more.
Never fall in love again (at least, until tomorrow).

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: gnu
Date: 10 Aug 01 - 07:46 AM

mooman... ROTFLMAO... Absolutely priceless !!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: ponytrax
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 10:32 PM

Don't squat with your spurs on never (forcibly express bodily fluids) into the wind Cuss out ol' Cookie

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 06:51 PM

You forgot 'don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.....'

or put penknives in babbies heads.

Now we are just getting silly.

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Rt Revd Sir jOhn from Hull
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 01:54 AM

Don't go anywhere near Kate Adie or Michael Burke, You're sure to be shot or have a nasty accident.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 01:39 AM

Don’t be cruel.
Don’t cry for me, Argentina.
Don’t drop it in the soup.
Don’t ever take heed of what pretty girls say.
Don’t fence me in.
Don’t forget the union label.
Don’t forsake me, oh my darlin’.
Don’t go ‘round tonight.
Don’t go down in the mine, dad.
Don’t leave your records in the sun.
Don’t put me down or get upset.
Don’t swap your old cow for a car.
Don’t think twice, it’s all right.
Don’t you be like me.
Don’t you leave me here.
Don’t you listen to him, Dan.
Don’t you weep; don’t you mourn.
You can help yourself, but don’t take too much.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: RangerSteve
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 12:26 AM

Oh, yeah, I forgot - Never, in my presence, refer to Bob Dyland as a harmonica player. He is merely a harmonica owner.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: RangerSteve
Date: 08 Aug 01 - 12:14 AM

A song about a boat or ship can't be interesting if the vessel doesn't sink? How about "The Handsome Cabin Boy"? If that isn't interesting, what is? And you people call yourselves folksingers. (Just Kidding).

Don't be a woman in a Stephen Foster song, or any other 19th century song, for that matter.

Don't be a soldier in a sentimental song. Your life span will be about 3 minutes.

Don't be a little girl in a Hans Christian Anderson story.

Personal Experience: Don't get a haircut (especially a flat-top) from a Republican barber when there are a bunch of old men hanging around the barber shop trying to bait him by saying nice things about Democrats.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Gareth
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 06:15 PM

Never format your C drive without backing up.

Never ask for a pint of Watneys Red in a real ale pub.

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 04:53 PM

leave it too long to do something you've always wanted to.... after 20 years I now own a motorbike, and I'm scared of it!!!

I'm also head over heels in love with it, and can't wait until I pluck up courage to go out on it again!!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Kim C
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 09:56 AM

Don't squat with your spurs on.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: mooman
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 09:02 AM

When asked by Australian immigrations whether you have a criminal record never answer "I didn't think you needed one these days...."

mooman

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 07 Aug 01 - 08:39 AM

Never give a sucker an even break.
Never say never again.
Never push your granny off the bus.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 20 Sep 00 - 01:43 PM

Two of us what?

Slow as Spaw, or impressed along with me?

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 20 Sep 00 - 09:53 AM

That makes two of us!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 11:33 PM

Funny, Spaw, that you remember how to spell - and swear words, too. I'm impressed!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: catspaw49
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 11:13 PM

Well hesp, if you do then its amazing that you're still with us because I..........uh...........well, I.......er,uh...........what was I talking about because sometimes it just gets........something or another........maybe I ........hmmmmm............what was I saying at first? Who's hesp and why am I .........damn..............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 10:43 PM

LOL!!!!!

Middle Eastern sounds good.
HOT, SPICY food would probably result in getting us kicked out of the restaurant, as I would still be there at closing time, waving my hand in front of my mouth to cool it down enough to take another bite... I like to win.

BTW - I eat slower than Spaw thinks, and that's pretty slow!

(Ducking and running away very fast...)

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 10:22 PM

Or to quote Don Bray...

Don't.

Period.

(It's a song he wrote...)

The great Spaghetti duel: What a battle! I have never seen anyone eat that slowly before! It's a wonder that girl is still alive, considering how slowly she eats. She eats as slowly as Spaw thinks! I had to concede or we would have been in the damn restaurant till closing time, and missed song circle. She may be slow, but she ain't stupid...

Accordingly, I went down to an ignominious defeat, but it was fun trying, anyway. I'm looking for a rematch, maybe at an East Indian restaurant with REALLY HOT food, or a Middle Eastern one with hummus and all that good stuff.

Hesperis now has the right to say anything she wants to about Bob Dylan. It's a right unique to Hesperis, however, so the rest of you just better watch it.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 04:13 PM

Never count your money while you're sittin' at the table.
Don't ever play with guns.
Don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.
Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me.
Don't take your love to town.
Don't let your deal go down.
Don't mess with Mister In-between.
Don't take your guns to town, son.
Don't think twice, it's all right.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Mbo
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 12:17 PM

Don't mess around with Slim.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Bert
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 12:14 PM

The fifties, Lonnie Donnegan, Jack Jackson's Record Roundabout, Tommy Steele, aaaah you've got me started Skiff me ol china. Well I never felt more like singing the blues.......

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: bob schwarer
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 11:57 AM

Never eat the yellow snow.

Bob

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 11:38 AM

Don't try to out-pun Art
Don't try to answer queries on the mudcat from memory without looking at the record sleeve, checking in the reference book or listening to the song again!
Don't mention the '50s or Lonnie Donegan more than once a week
(Hey, they could be my new year resolutions)
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Midchuck
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 11:25 AM

And the ultimate - and I don't remember where I heard this, but it was probably on the Mudcat in the first place, so I apologize to whomever I'm stealing it from:

NEVER ask a drunken highland piper if he can play "Melancholy Baby," not even as a joke.

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Mbo
Date: 19 Sep 00 - 12:01 AM

Sounds familiar, hesp. I've been known to stretch a sandwhich out for 45 minutes, and I can make a 20oz. bottle of Coke last three hours.

BTW Spaw, that reminds me a bit of a columnist we have in the newspaper here. He tells funny stories about his childhood here in Eastern North Carolina. One of them was about a friend of his, who went going on a date, thought he was putting mousse in his hair when it was really Preparation H.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 11:56 PM

Okay, the results of the Infamous Spaghetti Match:

<<drumroll please!>>

I won.

No surprise there.
I am, like, the world's slowest eater.

We decided to go for Chinese food instead of Spaghetti.
I ate ONE plate of food from the buffet, IN THE TIME IT TOOK L.H. TO EAT TWO PLATES!!!!!

Of course Little Hawk tried to say that I cheated.

As if!
He mentioned seconds - I didn't say anything about seconds! And considering how long it took me to go through that ONE plate, I could have won twice over if he'd been stupid and insisted on the point. We were getting late for song circle though. (That's the only reason he stopped trying to argue with me. (Men!))

Anyway, I won.

So I now have the inalienable right to say ANYTHING at all about Bob Dylan to Little Hawk, without him taking it the wrong way.
SO THERE!

~*sirepseh*~

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: catspaw49
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 02:27 PM

I suppose that would also apply to keeping your Desenex and Preparation H on the same shelf as your Pepsodent or storinf the Listerine next to the Massengill.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: GUEST,rabbitrunning
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 02:19 PM

Never keep your brand new keen "Icy Hot" push-up dispenser thingie right next to your standard been buying it for years "Right Guard AntiPerspirant" push-up dispenser thingie.

YYYYYOOOOOOWWWWWCCCCCHHHHH!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jed at Work
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 01:42 PM

Never try to teach a pig to sing. You won't be successful and it only annoys the pig.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 12:24 PM

Never say to a girl you haven't seen in some time, "Hey, really packin' on the old pounds, eh?" Or..."Christ! What did you DO to your hair?!!"

Never try to break up a fight between 2 cats. Or 2 females, either, for that matter. God help us.

Never try to assist a cat into getting out of a tree, unless wearing heavy gloves. He won't thank you for it, he'll try to kill you.

Never try to milk a cow from behind. A friend of mine did (at age 10) and the cow shit on his head!

Never try to remove a large football-shaped hornet's nest off your front porch by going out at dusk, slipping a plastic garbage bag over it, and snapping it off the ceiling with the notion of carrying it away. Our neighbour did that. The results were quite spectacular, to say the least. Hornets can sting through a garbage bag quite easily. He was jumping around yelling for his wife or daughter to bring a twist tie. The wife and daughter fled instantly, and he had to find another solution. I leave it to your imagination.

Never try to destroy a yellowjacket nest in your roof soffets with a blowtorch. Another neighbour tried that, and he was on a ladder at the time. Go figure.

Never try to attach a "kick me" sign to a mule's rear end.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 02:19 AM

Never take a pee in the dark...the lid is sure to be down

Never be the new guy on the squad on Combat!

Never try to out-drink Hank Williams

" " " " " Jr

Never blowdry your hair in the shower to save time

Never walk into a Biker Bar and shout "The Brandy Alexanders are on me!!"

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 18 Sep 00 - 01:19 AM

Hmmm. Somebody's being very affable lately. Is one duel enough for you, Little Hawk? You don't want to provoke more of them, or something?

Or are you just too busy plotting something awful for the "spag match"...

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 01:04 AM

You're right about that. How's the cockatiel?

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: catspaw49
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 12:55 AM

"Clothes Line Saga" aside, I think even Bob has certain standards of taste and I think he has a low tolerance for stupidity.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 12:47 AM

By the way, Spaw, it hadn't occured to me that Dylan never recorded "Space Oddity" until you mentioned it. Nor has he performed it live in concert either, as far as I know...

Strange, isn't it? I wonder why?

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Little Hawk
Date: 17 Sep 00 - 12:45 AM

Yeah. I certainly don't want people to know about that inflatable doll of Margaret Thatcher that I....OH, SHITTT....!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 11:23 PM

Correction. Don't post anything on Mudcat that you don't want people to know about...

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: McGrath of Harlow
Date: 16 Sep 00 - 03:02 PM

Don't write anything on the Mudcat that you don't want carved in imperishable stone...

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: kendall
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 02:59 PM

Speaking of Dylan, has anyone else noticed how much his Dont think twice song resembles a much older song titled Who's gonna buy you ribbons?

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: mousethief
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 02:05 PM

Never go to the well, riverside, lakeside, etc. with someone who has a pen-knife and whose love you have denied, turned down, abrogated, etc.

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Melani
Date: 15 Sep 00 - 01:02 AM

Never lean your back against and oak and expect it to be a trusty tree.

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: hesperis
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 11:50 PM

Little Hawk - I'll take the option of "platefuls of Rhombos' spaghetti" at four paces. As long as you're paying, that is. Orange juice must be included. The last person to finish eating will win.
(As you can see, I'm confident that I'm a slower eater than you are...)
But not at DAWN! I have to work on saturday, sheesh!
Make it monday before song circle, and you're on. Fight to the last drop of tomato sauce!

(Besides, I'm not a member of the NYCFTTS quite yet, despite your efforts to remedy the situation...)

As for Bob Dylan, just because someone writes strange lyrics does not mean that they have the other inexplicable skills mentioned previously.

Leaping behind the hedge, and making a mad dash towards the far field, shapeshifting into Raven as she goes. Flying far away... no mere little hawk could possibly catch her...

Have fun in Newmarket tomorrow.
~*sirepseh*~

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Mbo
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 11:07 PM

Don't bend down in the garden, Granny, cause you knooooooooow thos 'taters got eyes!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: Jim the Bart
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 11:01 PM

Ladies - never sit without lookin'

Never whistle while you're pissin'(or you may iminentize the escutcheon)

Never get caught in a mine cave in if you're name is Timothy

Never throw seven against a man named Stagger Lee (or Stack O Lee)

Never come in through the bathroom window

Never go swimmin' with bowl-legged women (that one was left for me in the tip jar while I was yodeling in tongues on my 50th birthday)

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: The Lighthouse
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 05:52 PM

And never insult seven men when all you're packing is a six shooter!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: The Lighthouse
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 05:50 PM

Never wear a red shirt on the original Star Trek. Except for Scotty, they all die!

Subject: RE: BS: Never do X with Y
From: catspaw49
Date: 14 Sep 00 - 01:30 PM

Actually Ratso, I was thinking that the word "note" and "Bob" appearing together is a somwhat bizarre concept to begin with. But Hawk thinks differently, although I don't know why since Bob never recordrd "Space Oddity."

Spaw