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More Personal Questions
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Subject: More Personal Questions From: Kim C Date: 15 Sep 00 - 05:01 PM Following BigDaddy's lead on the "what do you do" thread, let's explore some other annoying personal questions. Granted, some people really want to know the answers and are just trying to make chitchat. However, others are trying to be a pain in the youknowwhat. Here's the one I really hate: Are those contact lenses or are your eyes really that green? Okay. I have green eyes. And I wear green contact lenses. Depending on the light it can be rather striking. But why on EARTH would a Complete Stranger feel the need to ask me if my body parts are real or not? Would any of you (besides Spaw) go up to someone and say, are those real, or is it Wonderbra? Someone actually asked me once, Are those your real eyeballs? And of course I said, Yes. :) I mean, Really... |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: guinnesschik Date: 15 Sep 00 - 05:07 PM Is that your natural hair color? (When it's purple.) |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: MMario Date: 15 Sep 00 - 05:07 PM Kim - I know many women who are frequently approached by total strangers and asked "Are they real?" and they aren't talking about their eyelashes! Seems like some people don't consider it to be rude. I can't imagine asking the question myself; though I have been know to wonder... I had a *brat* (and I like almost all children) grab my hair last winter during a street performance and start yanking it. When I finally got him to stop, several handfuls of hair later; his mother says "Oh, at least it's only a wig..." to which I replied (truthfully) "No, it's all mine, and that hurt"
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Kim C Date: 15 Sep 00 - 05:10 PM Well, MMario, wondering is One Thing... :) |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Branwen23 Date: 15 Sep 00 - 05:10 PM Kim, I can truly relate. I also have green eyes, and my contact lenses are also slightly tinted green... otherwise, I can't see the lenses to put them in or take them out. People ask me the same thing all the time. Drives me nuts.... On a related subject, one thing about which I've often wondered: Why do people feel that it's acceptable to walk up to pregnant women and start groping their abdomens? I've never been pregnant, mind you, so I don't speak from personal experience, just from observation. I've always found it appalling to see people walk up to pregnant women and do that. And they always ask, "when are you due?", or, "Is it a boy or a girl?" How about, "none of your f***ing business!" Would you appreciate it if I started asking you personal questions about your medical history? Any women out there who have experienced this, I'd love to hear your thoughts.... -Branwen- |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: SINSULL Date: 15 Sep 00 - 05:11 PM You reminded me of a particularly hilarious moment in Grad School. We were attending a mandatory cocktail party and held captive by the wife of the head of the department. Her power by proxy was a pain in the ass. Enter another PIA who was perky and coy and always winking. She, in front of all, winks at the lady and asks "When is the baby due?" thinking she had cleverly detected a bulge before anyone else. Said lady was not pregnant nor was she amused. We all excused ourselves and tried to hide in the bathroom to get over the hilarity. But I learned a very important lesson: Never ask if someone is pregnant. Wait to be told. |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: SINSULL Date: 15 Sep 00 - 05:12 PM And when told, DON'T WINK! |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: winniemih Date: 15 Sep 00 - 05:25 PM I work in a hospital and sometimes deal with family members whose ages are roughly a generation apart. I have learned not to assume that they are some variant of the parent/child relationship. I think it was when i referred to an older man's much younger female companion as "your daughter" and was told bluntly that the woman in question was "my wife". This was not a comment that put me in good favor with either of them. I have learned to be much more cautious in my assumptions. |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Wesley S Date: 15 Sep 00 - 05:48 PM I'm thinking of charging ten bucks a pop to touch my wifes stomach. We'll put it toward the babies college fund. I'm amazed that people have actually told me they were sorry for me when they heard we are having twins. I'm not - I'm happy and damned proud. What ARE people thinking when they make comments like that?? |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Sula Date: 15 Sep 00 - 05:55 PM The question all Pregnant women are asked as they near the end of their pregnancies (in britain anyway) is "Are you still here?" usually asked in an accusatory kind of way. Of all the stupid things to say to someone who is feeling especially large, obvious and vunerable this must rank very highly. In every place of work there is also a couple from hell, whose jobs respectively are...female..trap every pregnant woman, person about to have surgery, or other vaguely worrying event against the filing cabinet and give her loud graphic details of every disater to do with childbirth, surgery etc. she can dream up. The bloke has to laugh at every expectant father, recounting gorey stories, telling him his love life will never be the same again.... you've all met one I bet! |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: mousethief Date: 15 Sep 00 - 05:56 PM When my wife was pregnant and people asked, "Do you want a boy or a girl?" she would reply, "You mean I get a choice?"
Alex |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Kim C Date: 15 Sep 00 - 05:58 PM Okay, here's a couple more. I've been married 10 years and have no immediate intentions of having any children. But people want to know. (Except my dad, he would always say that was nobody's business.) My brother is 46 and never married. And people ask him, aren't you ever gettin married? Like he owes it to the world or something. I said, don't you get tired of people asking you that? He said yeah, but it doesn't matter how tired you get, they're still going to ask. |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: GUEST Date: 15 Sep 00 - 06:05 PM I used to wear my hair in an ultra short do. One day, while shopping in a bazaar, I was crouched down looking at handknit gloves, when I felt someone's hand on top of my head. It startled me and I looked up to find a woman, whom I had never in my life met. She giggled and said "I just couldn't resist rubbing the top of your head. You don't mind, do you?" I replied "Yes, I do. You don't know me well enough to be rubbing my head for any reason." Then I said "And I suppose you rub the bellies of pregnant women?" To which she replied "Oh, yes. It feels so neat!" I glared at her and she finally walked away but she thought I was making nice with her. The moral of all this is that there is no accounting for the rudeness of some people. |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: guinnesschik Date: 15 Sep 00 - 06:13 PM Branwen: I'm just one of these weirdos who had no trouble at all sharing my pregnant belly with anyone who wanted a rub. I don't however, expect other women to appreciate the same thing; it's just my nature. I WILL NOT touch anybody in a "friendly" way (head rubbing, belly rubbing, etc) unless I know them. However, I do hate it when people who don't know me pull my tail, and ask "Is it real?" |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: mousethief Date: 15 Sep 00 - 06:19 PM Guiness chick, are you human? Or do you mean your hair?
Alex |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Mbo Date: 15 Sep 00 - 06:22 PM I have auburn hair, and I've had barbers (mostly female ones) ask if it's dyed auburn. I don't hold much with groping a pregnant stranger's stomach, but asking about the baby is perfectly fine to me. Bran...that sounds a little violent and nasty. If they asked "How are you?" you knee them in the groin, too? |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: guinnesschik Date: 15 Sep 00 - 06:25 PM Alex, quite human. *G* I have very short hair, but a long pigtail. (right now, dyed cherry red!) |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Branwen23 Date: 15 Sep 00 - 06:27 PM i never said i kneed anybody in the groin.... i just think that personal questions, especially if a medical nature, are a bit presumptuous when coming from a total stranger.... -Branwen- |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: mousethief Date: 15 Sep 00 - 06:34 PM I guess there are a couple of ways of dealing with impertinent questions. First, you could just ignore the person and walk away, like you never even saw them. This used to be called "the cut" and was successful at putting someone in their place -- when people still recognized it. I'm not sure if it would work today. There's the direct route, saying something like, "That's a very personal question and I'd rather not answer it." Of course this will make the person think you are a total weirdo, because they are so out of touch with good manners they will think something must be wrong with YOU. You can shock them. Ask something outrageously personal, then when they react with sputtering, say, "that's how I feel about the question you asked." This assumes, of course, that they'll react sputtering. A dangerous method, for they may really have no personal boundaries at all and not find anything shocking. You can say something like, "That's none of your business" (with or without a cussword, e.g. "That's none of your f***ing business"). But again this will bring up the possibility of them thinking you entirely weird because you're not like them (obviously they think it is their business or they wouldn't have asked!). What else is there? It's a situation one hopes not to be in very often, but in our rapidly unravelling society, as people become less and less civil, it's one we shall all have to learn to deal with. I wonder what Miss Manners would say?
Alex |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Mbo Date: 15 Sep 00 - 06:42 PM Well, I think pregnancy is a LITTLE more than "something of a medical nature." We're talking about our hope and joy for the future here! They're not just some tumor or bacteria or disease, but a little tiny person that has a whole life ahead of them. The way I see it, you SHOULD tell every about them. Go ahead and tell strangers, spread the news. Show the world that the baby is more than some private little secret that only you can know about. If I had a wife who was having a baby, I'd be proud and telling anyone who will listen...but then again I explain boring photographic procedures to people who probably don't care. Sorry, I'm still getting over the mother in out town who beat her baby son to death this weekend. He was buried today. He was originally taken away from her with a broken arm and fractured skull, and placed in a caring foster home. Child services & the mother demanded the baby back after not too long. A few days after being returned to the mother, little Ivan was dead. Maybe if she wouldn't have been so jealous and selfish, and let the "caring strangers" take care of him, he would be alive now. Goodbye Ivan... |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: DougR Date: 15 Sep 00 - 07:07 PM I wonder if folks who wear hair pieces are ever asked if the hair is real? On a man, particularly, I think there is nothing that looks worse than a bad hair piece. What about it ladies? How do you feel about men who are bald, or partially bald? (Getting close to thread creep though I guess) DougR |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: kendall Date: 15 Sep 00 - 07:17 PM ...wouldn't have? Mbo.. that belongs in the mangles Englidh thread!! |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: GUEST,Yum Yum Date: 15 Sep 00 - 07:31 PM I think folk who come off with questions like that dont think first, they just seem to let their mouth run away on its own. I used to have Irish Wolfhounds, one of which was 38.5 inchs from ground to shoulder height and his weight was around 12 to 13 stone. Folk always stopped me and asked, Will it grow any bigger? What is it? Does it eat much? I mean, what the hell did they think it was? a potbellied pig. Put it down to ignorance, cos that's all it is. By the way Guinnesschick COOOOOOL pontail! is it your own? |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: guinnesschik Date: 15 Sep 00 - 07:35 PM *G* Caught me off guard. I've been known to answer, "Yes,it's mine. Person I got it from won't be missing it." *G* |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: The Lighthouse Date: 15 Sep 00 - 07:37 PM My wife and I had the same prob with all the "touching" strangers during pregnancies. The REAL annoying thing is going to a restaurant and the "host" referring to the child as a half! They look at us and say "How many - three and a half???" "Noooooooooooo - 4 you idiot! Argh!" |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: SINSULL Date: 15 Sep 00 - 07:51 PM Mbo, the mother is sick. What is the social worker's excuse? And the city who put that baby back in harm's way. Sorry for the drift. I have witnessed this first hand and it hurts to see it happening again and again. To the rude questioner: "When is it due?" Answer "What?" If they continue and say "the baby", respond "What baby?" in total confusion. I had a friend who responded "I'm not pregnant. It's stomach cancer."To me this was bad karma but it did the trick. Wesley, you are doubly blessed. For every moron who pities you, I can guarantee there are three who envy you. Enjoy your pregnancy and your boys. I became a great aunt today for the second time - a little girl Hailey Jo. I cried with happiness. What could be more wonderful than a new life? I am not a stomach groper but I understand the wonder that inspires people to do it. |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: CarolC Date: 15 Sep 00 - 08:07 PM I'd take bald over a hairpiece any day of the week. I mean, look at Patrick Stewart (*swoon*). I had to deal with the falsies question when I was younger. I learned how to dress in such a way as to conceal that part of myself as much as possible. Guys, just don't do it. It seems that, when a woman is pregnant, her belly becomes public domain. There are benefits as well, though. One time when I was pregnant, I was talking with a group of several men. I said that I thought I would go get myself something out of one of the snack vending machines nearby. Every one of those men reached into their pockets and pulled out all of their change to give me. I was touched, but in a nice way. Carol |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: guinnesschik Date: 15 Sep 00 - 08:14 PM And as for the bald thing, I have two words: Sean Connery, who often wears a hairpiece, but doesn't need one at all. (Can't figure why that handsome ol' codger would bother with one.) I do realize that all men can't bald so "gracefully," but geeze, guys! Hairpieces and comb-overs look ridiculous! |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: MarkS Date: 15 Sep 00 - 08:35 PM How about if you are unmarried and upon coming solo to a social event being asked, "Are you gay?" |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: MarkS Date: 15 Sep 00 - 08:36 PM How about if you are unmarried and upon coming solo to a social event being asked, "Are you gay?" |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: SINSULL Date: 15 Sep 00 - 08:47 PM My father married a sweetheart of a woman who decided that since I was single I must be gay. You can ask me about almost anything and I will give you a straightforward honest answer. But try to cajole information and I can extremely dense. Poor lady died not knowing I'm straight and all she had to do was ask. The gay question is bad enough but being expected to "catch the bouquet" really pisses me off. I'll be 96 with a walker and they will still be coyly announcing "Where's Mary?" |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: catspaw49 Date: 15 Sep 00 - 08:50 PM Meebo, I too understand how you feel and like Sinsull I've been watching it happen for too many years. Sadly, its going to keep happening too. I will restrain myself from going off on a rant here. The faults in the system are simply beyond belief and though we have made progress toward "the best interest of the child" laws, the resolution of the problem is still far off. We have fostered almost 30 kids and we wonder all the time if we really made any difference at all. But that brings up some interesting questions that adoptive parents get. Now I know that not all folks mean things the way they sound, and Karen and I are past being upset by any means, but you develop a sensitivity to the language people use because, to be truthful, adoption is still viewed as a bit unnatural in this country. Our two boys have grown up with a lot of other kids in the house and an ever changing family. You do get some interesting comments though.
"Do you have any children of your own?" There's a ton of that kind of thing comes up all the time. I always push them a bit, then explain why adoptive families ARE natural families. I figure it never hurts to make folks squirm a bit first....makes them more receptive to truth. Did you know their are cultures where the royalty are all adopted? Birth children cannot hold the positions. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: SINSULL Date: 15 Sep 00 - 09:07 PM Yeah, Spaw, I loved being asked if I was Lawrence's natural mother. I always responded "No, I am the unnatural one". Another classic rude question which always astonished me "Was he abused?" Followed by a confidential "You know, abused children aren't normal". Fortunately, I live in a community where adoption is common. Some older friends and their children offered support when my son was young. He and I offer support to the younger ones today. Most often, just knowing that people they admire are adopted or adoptive parents does wonders for a kid who thinks he's second best. I also despise the "Mary Martyr, Special Place in Heaven" crap. Our adoption was not altruistic. I wanted a son and did what I had to to get one. He made me the happiest lady on the planet. I gave him the status of adored son. Together we have made a family. If there is a "special place" for parents who adopt special children, it is on a therapist's couch, not in heaven. The job is hard. But the victories are very sweet. One of our happiest moments occurred in a movie theater. He "failed to thrive" and was, at age nine, the size of a small five-year-old. Kids teased him that he was lying about his age. He (and some doctors) thought he would never grow. We bought the mandatory pop corn, Pepsi and twizzlers and found two seats. He sat and spilled his Pepsi in shock shouting "Mom, my feet touch the ground!" Little victories. |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: catspaw49 Date: 15 Sep 00 - 09:13 PM Yeah Mary....I drink to "Little Victories" anytime. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Bill D Date: 15 Sep 00 - 09:56 PM this has reminded me of a wonderful story... ..A young girl was going out on her first date to a banquet with a local boy, and since it was to be sort of 'formal', she was VERY concerned about her appearance...which included the issue of feeling she just was not as well developed in the bust as she would have liked. Her mother sighed and took pity on her and showed her how to 'stuff' her bra with puffs of cotton until it seemed better...then mother loaned her grandmother's cultured pearls to set off her new gown and sent her off.... So, when the girl came home, mom was expecting a happy smile...but instead was greeted with a sullen, almost tearful face..."Why, dear", asks Mom,"What's wrong?" "Oh, it was terrible!" says junior miss, "We were sitting at the table, and Larry looks at me and says, 'You look nice tonight, Sally...are those real?" "Well, I hope you told him 'yes'", Mom replies huffily, "They've been in the family for several generations" "OH!!" gasps Sally, clasping her hand to her 'chest'.."the pearls!...I forgot all about them!" |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: GUEST,Jeffrey Emmett Date: 15 Sep 00 - 10:07 PM A favorite come-back of mine when being asked a personal (nosey) question is to turn the tables by asking them in a matter-of-fact, non-defensive manner, "Why would you think you are entitled to that information?" Give it a try! It works every time. Jeff |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: catspaw49 Date: 15 Sep 00 - 10:09 PM Cute story Bill. I try never to use the line, "You look really nice today," which somehow seems to imply the party you're speaking to looks like hell the rest of the time. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Rosebrook Date: 15 Sep 00 - 10:19 PM You can get away from that underlying implication by stressing to the person that they look *especially* nice today. Rose |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Margaret V Date: 15 Sep 00 - 10:26 PM Thinness seems to be public domain too. Most people have a sense that it is rude to comment on a person's body size if the size is large, but they seem to have no qualms about remarking on how skinny someone is. I know our culture values thin over fat, and probably a person commenting on somebody's thinness doesn't intend to be rude, but I think it's just as personally invasive. Margaret |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: catspaw49 Date: 15 Sep 00 - 10:53 PM So I guess I couldn't use Rosebrool's advice then and say, "My Margaret, you're looking exceptionally skinny today."(:<)) Spaw |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: GUEST Date: 15 Sep 00 - 11:34 PM To Sinsull and Spaw---In my estimation it takes special people to adopt and foster other peoples children. To provide a home, complete with love and understanding takes special special people. I for one try to provide as much love and understanding to my "great grandaughter". She is the product of a broken,young, single, biracial relationship. She happens to be the apple of my eye and brings me great joy, laughter and warmth. If your adoptees and fostered children bring you half as much joy as I have with her, your hearts must be full to the bursting point with love and pride. I raise my glass to you both and to all the others in this world who take on the chore of raising someone elses children. There aren't enough of you. Sailor DAn |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Parson Date: 16 Sep 00 - 12:03 AM I have a Preacher-friend who wears a hair piece. It's pretty obvious that that's what it is. One day he told me that a lady had just come up to him & ask him, "Is that hair yours?" His reply was, "Yes." By that, I think he meant that he had paid for it & it WAS his! In a Church that I once served, there was a couple that had adopted a child, because they thought they couldn't have any, & then, shortly thereafter, she DID! She would become very indignant if you asked her which one was her child & tell you right off, that they were BOTH her children, she had given birth to one & had chosen to adopt the other, but without answering the question of which was which. But, if you tried to guess, you'd be dead wrong. The one that was adopted was a spitting image of both mom & dad, but the one she had given birth to didn't look that much like either parent. Some people have a mouth that runs away before they ever put their brain in gear. Randall |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: CamiSu Date: 16 Sep 00 - 12:38 AM No one ever pawed my belly that I can remember, but I do recall the nurse where I went for prenatal care commenting that she knew someone else as far along as I was that wasn't nearly as big. I asked how far she thought I was and she replied '6 months'. Well I was due that week and was in for my last visit and told her so. Shut her up in a hurry. On the subject of adoption. I have been blessed by being amazingly fertile, but my husband and I decided immediately if we had trouble with pregnancy that of course we would adopt. My feeling is that adopted kids are so fortunate. Their parents worked hard to get them, and wanted them so much. I don't care what their race or background is, of course they're yours! I have 'almost' kids, that call my home theirs for whatever reason. The more the merrier. '[God] setteth the solitary in families' Hooray for that! |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: The Beanster Date: 16 Sep 00 - 04:02 AM I always keep in mind that these nutty people who ask way-too-personal questions (or touch a pregnant woman's tummy!) probably have some sizeable degree of personality uh...deficits, for lack of a better word. No boundaries, low social intelligence--that kind of thing. I see a lot of undiagnosed mental illness and various psychopathology in my job (part of which is custody/visitation cases, speaking of kids in difficult situations...) and some of these people have asked things that just automatically make me chuckle: What religion are you? Has a man ever hit you? Are those your real nails? Have you ever had an abortion? It's interesting because I usually don't even get that from active psychotics or mentally retarded people--it's these messed up parents who come through the door who think they're "normal" who are the ones, 9 times out of 10, who always floor me with these inappropriate questions. Never ceases to amaze me. Speaking of kids |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Catrin Date: 16 Sep 00 - 07:43 AM I never understood why it mattered which sex the child was. One thing that always really really p****d me off when I was pregnant was the question "do you want a boy or a girl?". I always felt that this implied that I would love it less if it was the 'wrong' sex. I would answer 'actually, I'm really hoping it will be a baby' and then explain why i objected to the question. Most people seemed to understand though and it would often open up quite an interesting discussion. |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: kendall Date: 16 Sep 00 - 07:59 AM Its nice to see all those positive comments about bald men. I lost much of my hair in my 20's and it has NOT been a drawback! Sean Connery is my kind of guy now that he has dropped that 007 crap. His best movie? ROBIN & MARIAN with Audrey Hepburn. |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Midchuck Date: 16 Sep 00 - 08:11 AM It's not quite on point, but years ago, when there were a lot fewer restrictions on smoking indoors (in the US) people would ask me "Do you mind if I smoke?" and I'd succumb to the temptation to reply, "Well, do you mind if I pick my nose and flick the stuff at you?" Seemed like equivalent questions to me, but people seemed to get upset. Peter. |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: harpgirl Date: 16 Sep 00 - 08:13 AM ...I just say, "they're factory originals!" |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: catspaw49 Date: 16 Sep 00 - 09:29 AM Which factory? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Thomas the Rhymer Date: 16 Sep 00 - 01:54 PM It has been said, that "we bring as much pain and suffering when we give offence, as when we take offence." Why are so many of these posts trying to justify indignation towards clumsy strangers? Like its sooooooo satisfying to have an excuse to be rude... or to take offence, or to be superior or something. The astounding psychology behind dying one's hair pink and then saying indignant things to startled strangers... I'm mean, sure...we all feel like middle America needs a kick in the butt, but why do we get so caught up in the vanity department? I am especially talking to you ladies, but guys do it too... Don't you hate it when people get together on beautiful days, and talk about all "the things they hate"! ME TOO! My pet peeve, is the assumption that that I 'must be gay'... I just ask why?... It ususally stems from someone in their own life that they reaaly like, that seems 'unaccountably' gay, and so the wonder is afoot about other people. What a tiresome distraction it is. What is the psychology behind assumptions like this? I am sometimes amazed by the odd intuition that people are trying to tag others with the lowest possible (in their mind) assumption... I think that is why creeps try to look so normal and straight. Being goofy is really fun when you don't have anything to hide! But it is sad when people are overreactive to their own provocations... " what are you looking at?". ttr |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: SINSULL Date: 16 Sep 00 - 02:06 PM Thomas, I am confused. You are gay, wear a pink toupee and resent it when strangers pat your tummy and ask how far along you are? I am teasing but honest I don't quite get your point. Mary |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Ely Date: 16 Sep 00 - 02:22 PM Why anyone would be sorry that you're having twins is beyond me. If YOU aren't sorry about something, why on Earth should they be sorry (and why should they assume you're sorry)? I hate being touched, especially by people whom I don't know well. I had class with a guy who used to greet people with shoulder rubs and it was all I could do not to strangle him. I have very, very, straight, limp, hair and people used to ask me often if I ironed it. It also sunbleaches badly and they wanted to know if I had tried to dye it blonde or if I'd used lemon juice or peroxide on it (I've never wanted blonde hair--I always wanted my mother's black hair and hated that mine goes brassy every summer). The implication was always that, whatever I had tried to do to it, I clearly didn't know what I was doing and had come close to ruining myself. When I was in high school, this hair was very long (several inches below my waist) and everyone seemed to think they had the right to braid it or twist it up or, if I had it braided already, to pull the braids or twirl them around. One of the reasons I cut it was that it would get so badly tangled when people played with it. |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Ely Date: 16 Sep 00 - 02:53 PM Good grief, Thomas, it's not as though I dyed my hair pink and then sought out people to insult. If I happen to have pink hair and am just cruising down the pickle aisle, minding my own business, what gives them the right to stare and ask impertinent questions? I know my hair is pink, and I probably like it or I wouldn't have dyed it, and, for crying out loud, it isn't contagious. I know people like novelties but even Middle America can learn to keep its hands to itself and mind its manners (consider it "not stooping to our level" if it makes them feel better). I don't really have pink hair, I was just using it as an example. |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: SDShad Date: 16 Sep 00 - 03:08 PM Sinsull-- I have a similar response to your "unnnatural" that works for me. I was raised, not with it really being said much, but rather by example, to see family as including much more than those with whom one has formal familial ties, be they biological, adopted, or formal foster. In that context, Hyp and I have a foster daughter who's now in her mid-20s--not in any formal foster program, but in that extended family sense that would involve telling the whole story in a way that would make this post even longer. I'm not at all averse to telling the story, though, and will if asked. Anyway, when Sarah's friends meet us, they'll turn to us and say things like "oh, you're her folks?" And Sarah will sometimes reply, "well, yeah, but they're not my real parents" (I'm not offended by that), to which I'll reply, "yeah, we're her cybernetic parents." Puzzled double-takes from her friends, and much daughterly giggling from Sarah. And Kendall, I have to respecfully disagree with you. For my money, it's "The Man Who Would Be King," or maybe "The Name of the Rose." Connery and Hepburn were wonderful in "Robin and Marian" (how could they not be?), but the script and story are just a little too muddled for me. Chris |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Thomas the Rhymer Date: 16 Sep 00 - 04:09 PM My point. People are going out of their way to take offence. Does it improve their sex lives? |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: SINSULL Date: 16 Sep 00 - 04:28 PM Thank you Thomas. And you bring up a good point. I make it a policy not to take offense and have a lousy sex life. So I am now going into "SUPER SENSITVE" mode. I'll let you know if there are any changes. "The Man Who Would Be King" is Sean Connery's best. Maybe Michael Caine's too although he was a wonderful "Alfie". |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: The Beanster Date: 16 Sep 00 - 06:18 PM Thomas the Rhymer, I agree with you (I think). The point I was trying to make above (and not very well, most likely) was that you can't really take offense at someone who means no harm. They're just socially STUPID. No matter what whacky question I've ever been asked, I've never been rude to the person, for Pete's sake! There's no need. Even, "Have you ever had an abortion?" (which made my eyes bug out of my head) lol I just said nicely, with an amused expression, "I'm not going to answer that." If you let them know gently, that it's an inappropriate question, they back off and usually apologize. To me, that's a much better outcome than if I got all defensive and snapped at them with some nasty comment or sarcastic, rhetorical question. It would make them feel bad and that would make me feel bad. It's not necessary to "get back" at them. Some people can't spell, some people can't do math (me) and some people have no intuitive "feel" for interpersonal relations. (shrug)
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: GUEST,Wavestar Date: 16 Sep 00 - 09:22 PM I have an 'adopted' Japanese brother - he's a member of the family, but not by any official legal or biological definitions. So when I refer to him as my brother, people always ask questions. But then again, I have a friend who is clearly adopted - and I never once have asked his parents about their decision, or his "real parents'. I had green hair, once, and people asked me questions about that, but I never really minded. I did turn it GREEN, after all, and I live in a conservative area. I only objected when the questions were phrased in such a way as to insinuate that I was tasteless, stupid and shouldn't have done what I did, that is, "Why did you do THAT?" I also object to people whispering or muttering about the way I dress, asking pointed questions about my mediaeval garb ("Do you think it's Halloween?" "Are you a freak?" "What are you DOING?") In most of these cases, I answer calmly, which unnerves them more, or ignore the question. What I do object to, however, is people who walk up and tug on my curls just to watch them bounce, when they don't know me, or say, "Heavens, you should eat more, you're so small!" I have several friends with shaved or fuzzt heads - I know them well, and still ask permission to rub their heads. Personal space should be respected. I think pregnant women's bellies are wonderful, and have been considered sacred in many cultures for centuries - but if you want to touch it, go up and ask politely. If you see a dog you want to know about, stop and say to the owner, "What a beautiful (or unusual) dog! Will you tell me about him?" I think it's not necessarily bad for people to ask these things - but there are polite ways to do it. We just need to keep this in mind. -J
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Naemanson Date: 16 Sep 00 - 10:15 PM I am amused at the number of people who have stated that "pregnant bellies" are something special. I'm not disagreeing. I enjoyed touching my wife's pregnant belly and especially trying to feel movement from inside. You might say I got a "kick" out of it. But back on track. Some time ago (and probably for some women today) the pregnant belly was something to hide. Last month I saw a great example of someone who carried the pregnant belly to the other extreme. I was at an arts festival and I was amused and impressed by a woman dressed in fully bloused gauzy pants, a halter top, and flowing robes arranged to fully expose her pregnant belly. I'm guessing she was near term. She was huge. The piece de resistance was an intricate henna design all around her navel (she was obviously not ticklish). She was beautiful. |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Lena Date: 17 Sep 00 - 08:30 AM "Did you pick up your breasts from your daddy?!"(size 1) |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: CamiSu Date: 17 Sep 00 - 09:17 AM So on a personal note, Jessica, how did thee end up as a GUEST? |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Willie-O Date: 17 Sep 00 - 09:29 AM Thomas has a point..it's not the first dumb personal question I mind, it's the followup, such as: "Would you mind telling me why you don't care to discuss your spiritual beliefs with a complete stranger who knocked on your door?" "Yes, I would, thank you. Have a nice day."
Another one, when busking, is: "how much money do you make doing that?" "Well, about 40K a year plus stock options and a string allowance...how much do you make?" Enough already. W-O |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: guinnesschik Date: 17 Sep 00 - 10:50 AM I finally got asked yesterday "So, what's your day job?" at a paid gig. It was rather strange and awkward. I very politely told the lady who asked. "This is it. I'm a musician. My other two jobs are part time." She seemed rather perplexed that anyone would want to do this. I've only been indignant to strangers who've been rude about my hair color. We live in the year 2000. The punk movement is old. Tatts and piercings no longer get stared at or much commented upon. Why should strange hair color? It's temporary. Himself, however, has asked me not to go purple again, as it really seems to be a jerk magnet. I once heard a mother tell her child, "Well, obviously, some people just don't have a real life and don't care how they look." "Obvioulsy, some people need an anal stickectomy," I whispered to Himself, who had stopped to stare at the angry, uptight woman, dragging her poor little girl away from us, who only wanted to look at my "pretty purple hair." Besides, I am extremely goofy; I have nothing to hide. Hear, hear Ely and Wavestar. |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: catspaw49 Date: 17 Sep 00 - 11:30 AM At times, its not so much that a question is personal, sometimes its just stupid. I used to enjoy the Mad Magazine "Snappy Comebacks" section. But really now, don't people ask some stupid shit sometimes? For instance, I'm on the phone and someone asks, "Are you on the phone?"........No, I'm cleaning out my ear with this plastic scoop. Sometimes they ask the wrong thing......what instead of how. A customer's Vette had a stuck float and gas was pouring out of the carb and it ignited. After putting the fire out, I'm assessing the damage and some guy asks, "What happened?".....Well, I damn near burnt this fucker to the ground, what's it look like? "Was it an accident?".....No, I wanted to roast a few dogs and I was out of charcoal. Hell, I set fire to a lot of customer's cars...Where's yours? If you want really personal questions, go to the hospital. Have you had a bowel movement? I always like that one from the folks who insist on using the plural pronoun, as in, "Have WE had a bowel movement today?".....Yeah, I did, but I didn't see you nowhere. And for stupidity, at times there is no one who can hold a candle to the stuff you get there! The day after a py-pass the nurse asks, "Are you in much pain?"....Oh I dunno. Let me split your chest open with a broad ax and tell me what you think. Yeah, I know....I ask the same stupid personal stuff myself. Its a kind of conditioned reflex. You really DO care, but you don't think how it comes out. Spaw |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: DougR Date: 17 Sep 00 - 09:07 PM Shucks Shoot, Ely, you completely destroyed my fantasy! I was just certain the next time I walked down the pickle aisle at my local grocery store I would see a raving beauty with shiny pink hair, and I was going to walk right up to her and say, "I'll bet you're Ely!" Now I wouldn't dare do that. Sob! DougR |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Susanne (skw) Date: 17 Sep 00 - 09:41 PM I was rather taken aback a few years back when I went to the Mitchell Library in Glasgow during very hot weather, wearing shorts and a suntop. When I collected my things to leave, the guard looked at me and asked: "You no British, are you?" I said, "No", looking a bit puzzled, I suppose. Then he explained, not unkindly: "A British woman would have shaved armpits!" In fact, it took me several hours to start thinking straight again: "And just whose business is this???" |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Seamus Kennedy Date: 18 Sep 00 - 02:47 AM I hate going to my doctor's office and having the receptionist/nurse ask me why I'm there/what's wrong in front of other patients. When I respond quietly, "It's of a personal nature," she replies, "Well, I really need to know, so that the doctor has an idea of what to expect." I can feel the eyes of the other patients burning into me, when I say, "I'd prefer to discusss my medical condition privately." But she insists, "I must tell the doctor what kind of case this is." That's when I say at the top of my voice, "My penis has turned black, and there are large runny green pustules all over it!!" Gasps all around. Of I see the doctor, I ask him to treat my painful ingrown toenail. All the best Seamus |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Jed at Work Date: 18 Sep 00 - 05:58 PM Well, I really need to stop reading this stuff at work. I am sitting here laughing my as* off at BillD (great story,, Bill) Spaw, Seamus et al. And Karen you're purple hair is awesome!! You gotta tell himself that the rest of the world loves it!! In fact; here's a link to guiness chick's purple hair as seen at last year's North Texas Irish Festival. We need a Mudcat vote! Does guinesschic's hair look cool, or what?? |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Jed at Work Date: 18 Sep 00 - 06:13 PM Oh, and I forgot to tell the reason why I wanted to post to this thread in the first place. People wanting to touch pregnant bellies sure seems to be a universal thing ... i've never done it, uninvited, but always have the desire to! I have to say that my wife surprised me, when pregnant with our first, by offering her belly to friends and occasional strangers for a feel ... lol ... she is a fairly reserved, maybe even shy sort of person, so this behavior was not what you'd expect of her ... but it just seemed to be a natural thing! And as for 'are those real?' sorta questions ... for years I am facing people's disbelief at the age of my kids. "are they yours?" I am commonly asked, implying perhaps step children from marriage to an older woman ... I simply answer truthfully; "We started young!" |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Mbo Date: 18 Sep 00 - 06:17 PM My sister & I are often asked if we are a married couple (because of the same last name)! Or if we are twins. We aren't either of those two! |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: guinnesschik Date: 18 Sep 00 - 06:25 PM Aw, Jed....now my face is cherry red, too. Your "no longer purple haired wonder what color it's gonna be next," g'chik |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Jed at Work Date: 18 Sep 00 - 06:29 PM LOL g'chik! By the way, when I showed the website pic above to my sons they asked me, "is that really the color of her hair?" chuckle ... but of course, they wondered if I'd changed it with PhotoShop when I played with the image a bit ... |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: The Beanster Date: 18 Sep 00 - 06:43 PM Again, a minority voice here but I absolutely never have had the desire to touch someone's pregnant belly! But if I ever were pregnant (no desire for that either) I do think it would be very funny to wear a small tape recorder on my person somewhere and if anyone were to touch me, uninvited, they would here an ominous growl... |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: catspaw49 Date: 18 Sep 00 - 07:16 PM Hmmmm..........I LIKE that Beanster! Maybe you ought to try to rig up one of the talking car alarms instead. Just a little voice reprogramming and when someone gets too close.......... PLEASE MOVE AWAY....YOU ARE STANDING TOO CLOSE TO THE FETUS I liked the collision sensor that Nissan used on the ZX for awhile. At 85 mph, when you were within 25 feet of a bridge abuttment, it screamed, "BONZAI." Spaw |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: The Beanster Date: 18 Sep 00 - 08:08 PM Hahahaa spaw! Oh, the mind reels at the possibilities... When someone touches the tummy: The muffled sound of a baby crying accompanied by mother's disapproving glare at the stranger and, "Tsk! You made my baby cry!" Very deep baby voice saying, "Get your hands off me!" Angelic voices singing in a heavenly chorus, "Aaaaaah aahhhhh!" Eric Burdon singing "We Gotta Get Out of This Place"
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Bill D Date: 18 Sep 00 - 10:31 PM "Why, oh why, oh why, oh why, oh why? Why, oh why, oh why? "Because, because, because, because Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye" ....Woody Guthrie |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: annamill Date: 19 Sep 00 - 01:41 PM You all bring to mind an incident that happened to me when I was pregnant with my daughter. I was sitting in a local restaurant in Woodstock called Deanie's. Now Deanie's was a formal restaurant and had a very formal atmosphere. One day my first husband and I went there for lunch and I was showing pretty good. A man came in whom my husband and I knew but didn't like very much. He came over, leaned over the table, put his hand on my belly and asked me how was the baby!! The following took place in about a five second time frame. I looked at my husband with a shocked look, hit his hand off my belly, and very loudly told him to keep his f**king hand off my stomach!! His retort was, after a second of shocked silence, 'nice mouth on your wife Ally'. Now, do YOU think I was being rude?? Love, annamill (Tee Hee) |
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Subject: RE: More Personal Questions From: Jed at Work Date: 19 Sep 00 - 03:30 PM Sounds like he was being rude, annamill! |
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