BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle

Subject: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: mousethief
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 04:01 PM

These should be REAL advertisements you've seen or heard, not just ones we make up (that's a whole nother thread!).

My first candidate, from a local glazier:

Call the Glass Doctor, he'll fix your panes.

I can hear this in my head with its sappy little tune. Augh!

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 04:09 PM

Oh, we got some winners here.

For Mattress Plus: "Mattress Plus, you're gonna know, you can see the difference with your eyes closed."

For Mallory's Furniture: "Mallory's...a short drive from everywhere" or "Mallory's of Jacksonville, Mallory's of Jacksonville, Mallory's of Jacksonville..."

Or Wendy's: "Let's all go where fresh tastes better, come on over, we'll go together."

Then there's Jackson & Sons. Heating & Air Conditioning...they have like a 3 minute epic ode sung by a nonagenarian for there theme. It's so long I can't even remember it.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: jeffp
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 04:16 PM

Beer? ...or Michelob?

Personally, I'll take beer, thank you very much.

jeffp

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Bert
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 04:17 PM

In Bahrain there was a body shop with the sign "Car Denting".

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 04:30 PM

Don't get me started on the weird stuff I saw in Japan! One sign says "Oishii Denki" which means in Japanese "Delicious Electric". It was for a store selling Aiwa stuff.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: DonMeixner
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 04:31 PM

Bush's Funeral Home, The last guy in town you'll expect to let you down.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,Liland (from a no-cookies-allowed library cm
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 04:38 PM

For a well-known non-profit dedicated to fighting kidney disorders:

Give ... to Kidney Disease!

Liland
Esperanto hymnodist
Christmas Carols in Esperanto

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 04:39 PM

Topp's, the supermarket with people so you don't have to talk to yourself.

Remember A&P's WEEEEOOOO campaign? Low prices - WEEEOOO. Great selection -WEEEEOOOO> I was in one shopping when a kid who worked in the fresh produce department pulled out a huge crawly, rotten potato and shouted WEEEEOOOO> Said it all.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,Liland again
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 04:40 PM

And inside a King County (i.e. Seattle) Metro bus, like most city buses devoid of seatbelts except for the driver...

BUCKLE UP, AMERICA
IT'S THE LAW!

Liland

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,Liland yet again
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 04:45 PM

I wrote:

And inside a King County (i.e. Seattle) Metro bus, like most city buses devoid of seatbelts except for the driver...

which is incorrect; seatbelts, or more properly chairbelts, are provided for riders in wheelchairs.

And speaking of Japanese weirdities, at least when I lived there as a kid (1967-68), the leading nondairy creamer, i.e. the Japanese answer to Coffeemate, was called "Creap"! Luckily I was too young to need it.

Liland (or, in Japanese, haruo)

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 04:46 PM

Well, in Jacksonville we have a place called "Askew's Lumber". The name pretty much says it all...

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 04:51 PM

Liland! I saw "Creap" while we were there! They still have it!

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Lepus Rex
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 04:51 PM

Mbo reminded me of another matress store jingle from my area, from Matress Giant. The commercial has this big skinhead cartoon grinning and sliding across the screen, while a woman sings something like: "If you want that oooooooh-aaaaaahhh feel, come to Matress Giant!" It ends with the woman groaning orgasmically.

I remember bits and pieces of bad cereal commercials from my childhood... Blank-eyed, goose-stepping, Smurfs, insistently chanting that "Smurfberry Crunch® is fun to eat!" ... The one for Pac Man Cereal® REALLY sucked, but I'm currently trying to block that one out... Blehhh...

And the 'Menards' song. One of those stores where you buy tools and wood and patio doors. This frightening little gnome with a permanent smile/grimace excitedly telling us what's on sale, while corny banjo music plays in the background. This is layered between men and/or women singing about how you're going to 'Save big money, when you shop Menards!!!!!!!!... SAVE BIG MONEY AT MENAAAAAAAAARDS!!!!" Scary.

---Lepus Rex

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Bert
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 04:58 PM

"Pornography Awareness Week" outside a church in Alabama.

I had to look twice, at first I thought it was an adult book store.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 04:58 PM

Lepus, you're just cracking me up! When we lived in Augusta, Georgia, they had this place called "Carpet Country"..."Where we grow our owwwwwwwwn!" they had commercials with this haybale Beverly Hillbillies-esque family who grew large rolls of carpets on their farm. Their big line was "Aaaaaah heard THAY-UT!!"

We also had Acme Pest Control, (really!) and in front of the office, had a station wagon painted with a military camaflauged paint scheme, and a big tank turred welded to the top, complete with 15-foot gun barrell.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Sorcha
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 05:07 PM

CREEP ALERT!! Lepus, how did you do the copyright symbol? I have looked and looked--I presume it is an ampersand code? Everytime I do the "view source" thing, it just shows as an R or c in a circle.......

Anyway----"Call Doug for a Clean Rug"--from my early childhood, 35 years ago. I cannot get rid of it!
From a knife catalog--"Our knives are a cut above!" AAARRRGGGHHH!!

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: SINSULL
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 05:12 PM

Bert,
You went in twice looking for porno flicks, didn't you?

The worst ever was "Crazy Eddie" " And that's the deal!" with arms up, sweaty armpits out, and a large beer belly beneath a SMALL T-SHIRT. oNE CHRISTMAS I SAT UP UNTIL 4am WRAPPING GIFTS WITH eDDIE AND ELVES SCREAMING AT ME EVERY 10 MINUTES. Damn Capslock!

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Metchosin
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 05:15 PM

Sign on a store on Vancouver Island: Eat Here Get Gas

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 05:15 PM

You guys are cracking me up! My sister is downstairs and must think I'm bonkers, singing loudy along with Oasis and laughing like mad in the middle!

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Wesley S
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 05:55 PM

NIXON - Now more than ever

Just try to beat that one !!

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 06:14 PM

On a hearse sitting outside of a beauty parlour: "We'll curl up and dye for you!"

Sorcha, there are codes. I don't have the sheet, so I learned by trial and error, but first you engage your numbers lock button; hold down the Alt key, and for © push in sequence the numbers 0169, while still holding down the alt key. I haven't figured out which one is the r in a circle, yet. If you just start pushing in code numbers, you'll figure out a bunch of them.

There is a place here in town which posts funnies on their sign every week. This week it says "What do you call children of couch potatoes?

Tater Tots!!

ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,emily b
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 06:20 PM

Mrs. Baird's Bread - Bread Stays Whiter Longer!

Not fresher, not better, no WHITER! Yikes! Don't want to think what it has in it. Now there's some bread for Doughboy Sam. See Song Challenge 40 if you don't understand and and need some great laughs.

Emily

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: mousethief
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 06:21 PM

There was a trash collection company in Seattle --I'm not making this up-- whose trucks read "Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Garbage Back!"

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 06:23 PM

A shop in Whitechapel High Street, London UK - Butts Wholesale....

And Snap on Tools have vans that go up and down the country. Didn't even know they snapped off!!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Sorcha
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 06:34 PM

Liz--You have Snap-On over there?!! WOW! We have Snap-On, and both my guys have about a $2,000 bill--apiece! Just gotta keep buyin' them tools.........might be something you need Someday.......crapola on horseback. Woops, another one for the "Curious Expressions" thread. Just give me a hammer and a screwdriver (with vodka), that's all I need. Well, maybe a Skil-saw, too.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: katlaughing
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 06:57 PM

I knew a guy in Colorado with a sewer cleaning business. His pens had this slogan on them, "Your shit is our bread and butter!" I don't think he passed them out to just anyone.

Sorcha, has their, ummm...performance improved with the upgrade in *tools*? i think that is what Liz was amazed at *snapping* on and off.**BG**

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: MarkS
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 07:12 PM

How about the General Motors blunder from a few years ago when they decided to market the Chevrolet Nova in Latin and South America.
Sales were awful until somebody noticed that in Spanish, Nova works out to No va - which means, "it does not go!"
Heckofa name for a car.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: bill\sables
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 07:38 PM

I once passed a church in Wolverhampton (England), it was about the time when there was a debate regarding supermarkets etc. opening on Sundays, anyway the sign outside the church read "Now Open On Sundays".

One Monday morning while passing a high street in Yorkshire I noticed that drunken pranksters had stolen a sign board from outside a local church and fixed it to the front of the Yorkshire Bank it read "Jesus Saves"

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Dharmabum
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 08:07 PM

On the back of a plumbers van,"WE'LL PIPE YOUR POOP"

I read an article on rejected slogans once. This is the only one I can remember.

Carnation milk is the best in the land,

Here I stand with a can in my hand,

No tits to pull no hay to pitch,

Just knock a hole in the sonofabitch.

Ron.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,Liland (from the church computer, hence gues
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 09:15 PM

RE: From: bert
"Pornography Awareness Week" outside a church in Alabama.

A Seattle church (Wallingford's "Gift of Grace ELCA") recently left the following on their readerboard for weeks on end. I don't know if it belongs in this thread, because I haven't a clue what it meant (perhaps because I'm Baptist, not Lutheran? ;-)...

PROTECTIONISM IS SELF-ABUSE

And that's all it said.

Liland

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: MK
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 09:21 PM

Buckley's Mixture. (cough drops)
"It tastes awful and it works."

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,The Invisibla Blazoona
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 09:25 PM

Thre used to be a store in Oakland CA called, "Linoleum Dicks" without an apostrophe between the k and the s.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Bill D
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 10:28 PM

from a furniture store in Kansas.."Honest Values at Crooks"

a jam/jelly maker in the USA.."With a name like Smucker's, it HAS to be good"

there used to be this stupid TV commercial about hamburgers in the US where a little old lady would screech "Where's the BEEF?"....and soon after, a full page ad appeared in some newspapers with a huge picture of a bald guy named Perdue, who looked like a cross between Mr. Clean and Ross Perot...and who happened to run one of the largest *chicken* hatcheries in the US...and all the ad said was.."Who cares WHERE the beef is!"

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Melani
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 10:33 PM

My favorite Oakland, CA business was "George's Chinese-American Smorgasbord". I guess after a while George Lee, the owner, realized that was a little odd, so he changed it to "George's Chinese-American Hofbrau". Much better.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Harold W
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 10:56 PM

I saw this on a church bulliten board in Tularosa, "OUR GOD IS THE GREATEST." Does this imply that there is more than one God?

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Ely
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 11:34 PM

There is a sign on an old highway in western Arkansas, with a picture of the head of Jesus, wearing a crown of thorns, and the slogan, "This blood's for you."

There also used to be a billboard in Denver, Colorado, of Jesus nailed to the cross, that said, "Denver, I love you this much."

The worst ad I can think of was one for Jim Adler, the Tough Smart Lawyer (now known as the Texas Hammer), who's catch phrase was, "I'll go after every penny you deserve."

My favorites were the Don't Mess With Texas ads, which were either really good or really bad depending on your sense of humor. The first was Willie Nelson sitting in the middle of the road singing, "Mamas, tell all your babies don't mess with Texas. Don't let 'em throw cans from those old pickup trucks, don't let 'em throw bottles and papers and stuff . . ." The other good one was a big, hairy biker gang grumbling about how "they're messing with our territory again." They all get on their Harleys and go charging down the highway . . . to a place where there's trash all over the road. The closing scene was a big, scary-looking guy holding a can on a pronged stick and saying, "Some people are such animals".

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 11:54 PM

"Crest has been shown to be an effective decay-preventive dentifrice when used in a conscientiously applied program of oral hygiene and regular professional care" 30 years after these commercials ran, I still have this phrase ingrained in my memory.

What about the Plymouth Reliant? Who wants a car that's reliant? Wouldn't you prefer one that was reliable?What the hell was it reliant on?Constant service and frequent oil replenishment?

Two of the worst marketing moves ever made: 1) In about 1979,Braniff Airlines ran an ad campaign making fun of plane crashes.Ads showed hysterical passengers being carried onto the plane wearing crash-helmets,pilots entering the plane with parachutes on their backs,etc.Concept apparently was "Hey! There are thousands of potential customers who don't fly because of their fear! Let's help them laugh at disaster!" 2)In 1970 Schlitz Beer was the third largest brand in America,when they decided to scrap the current recipe and introduce an entirely new-tasting Schlitz.A year later they tried to go back to the original formula in the face of mass consumer desertion.Two years later they were bankrupt.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 02:32 AM

A friend of mine owns a crane and does contract work, lifting stuff and doing other stuff one might expect a crane to do. His slogan: 'Get it up with Wayne's Crane"
Rich

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: WyoWoman
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 02:42 AM

Saw an ad for a pawn shop, showing a pair of wedding rings on a tabletop:

"Menlo Pawn ... turning bad memories into good money."

I love that.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Naemanson
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 05:10 AM

We have a local company called Blow Brothers. They clean septic systems and provide portable johns for outdoor events. Their slogan is: "We're Number 1 in the Number 2 industry!"

Speaking of jingles from TV here is one I've had stuck in my head for the last 35 years at least. Fortunately I like it. Here is the closing song for the Canadian TV show "Pig and Whistle"

It's time, Gentlemen, please,
It's time we were no longer here,
Time, Gentlemen, please,
It's time to drink up your beer,
We've had a few stories some laughter and fun,
We're all pals together til we say so long,
we'll be back here next week so please come along,
And it's time, Gentlemen, please.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: MarkS
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 08:50 AM

Hey Lonesome EJ
The Schlitz fiasco comes in second only to "New Coke."
Talk about violating the "If it aint broke, dont fix it." rule.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Peter T.
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 04:28 PM

Canadian company called Camel Hauling. Their slogan: "Humping our way across the nation". I was driving in a car with the Chairwoman of the Board of the company when one of her trucks passed by, and I broke out laughing. The elderly lady inquired as to why I was laughing, and within two weeks, they had taken the slogan off the vans across the country. I still wonder if I did the right thing!!!
yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,dharmabum
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 06:50 PM

Chevy Nova Award > > > > > ----------------- > > > > > These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award. This is > > > > > given out in honor of the GM's fiasco in trying to market > > > > > this car in Central and South America. "No va" means, of > > > > > course, in Spanish, "it doesn't go". > > > > > > > > > > 1. The Dairy Association's huge success with the campaign > > > > > "Got Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. > > > > > It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation > > > > > read "Are you lactating?" > > > > > > > > > > 2. Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where > > > > > it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea." > > > > > > > > > > 3. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the > > > > > following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an > > > > > Electrolux." > > > > > > > > > > 4. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into > > > > > Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not > > > > > too many people had use for the "Manure Stick." > > > > > > > > > > 5. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used > > > > > the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the > > > > > label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely > > > > > put pictures on the labels of what's inside, since many people > > > > > can't read. > > > > > > > > > > 6. Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the > > > > > name of a notorious porno magazine. > > > > > > > > > > 7. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the > > > > > Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I > > > > > saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" > > > > > (la papa). > > > > > > > > > > 8. Pepsi's "Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation" translated > > > > > into "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in > > > > > Chinese. > > > > > > > > > > 9. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Kekoukela", > > > > > meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with > > > > > wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 > > > > > characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokou kole", > > > > > translating into "happiness in the mouth." > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > 10. Frank Perdue's chicken slogan, "It takes a strong man to > > > > > make a tender chicken" was translated into Spanish as "it > > > > > takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate." > > > > > > > > > > 11. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its > > > > > ads were supposed to have read, "It won't leak in your pocket > > > > > and embarrass you." > > > > > The company thought that the word "embarazar" (to impregnate) > > > > > meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't leak in your > > > > > pocket and make you pregnant!" > > > > > > > > > > 12. When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new > > > > > leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated > > > > > its "Fly In Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly > > > > > Naked" (vuela en cuero) in Spanish! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Ron > > > > > >

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: sophocleese
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 07:01 PM

A local towing company tells us "We don't want an arm and a leg, just your tows!"

One that I remember Arthur Black saying on his show about a blasting company that said "We don't stand behind our work, we stand behind a tree!"

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 04:53 AM

Blossom and Bloom, a once large dry cleaning firm, have an outlet nearby which has a lovely art deco (1920's-1930's) clock on the top. Around the clock is the legend "Don't kill your wife, let us do it for you".....

If you really want, I can supply a picture......!

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 08:33 AM

MACS Restaurant, Dubai, UAE
"You'll never forget the finger-biting taste"

And as far as marketing disasters go, anyone remember "Guinness Light" from about 20 years ago?

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Peter K (Fionn)
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 09:10 AM

Sorcha, not only Snap-On, but King Dick too. I guess there are tools and tools.

For years Anadin had "Nothing works faster than Anadin," - yet they're still in business!

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Rana
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 09:12 AM

Not an ad/jingle but name of a funeral home in Toronto (on Spadina between Harbord/Bloor)

Wing On Funeral Home

The name changed a few years ago but the one entrance still has Wing On Chapel above the door.

Never knew whether it was a Chinese ownen funeral parlour and an unfortunate co-incidence, or whether the owner had a weird sense of humour.

Rana

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Troll
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 09:45 AM

A radiator repair shop with a sign that read,"The best place in town to take a leak!"

McDonalds, "You deserve a break today" campaign inspired this...
Take a dog and a cat,
mash 'em up in a vat,"
When they're mangled real nice,
Serve 'em hot over rice.
You deserve a steak today,
So throw up and crawl away
From McDonalds,
They made it hard to chew.

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,Liland
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 10:07 PM

Sorcha:

In addition to the hold-down-alt way (mentioned by kat/katlaughing) of making copyright and trademark symbols (and many others), depending on the encoding it's set for most browsers nowadays will show you a copyright symbol if you type either ampersand-"copy"-semicolon or ampersand-tictactoe-169-semicolon (omit any hyphens and/or quotation marks when you actually do it), or a registered trademark circle R symbol if you type either ampersand-"reg"-semicolon or ampersand-tictactoe-174-semicolon. These will work with a Western Windows or Western ISO (e.g. Latin-One) encoding, or I think with Unicode UTF-8 encoding, anyway. Can't guarantee these will work for all encodings or all browsers, and I don't know what they look like on Macs, but I'm pretty sure they will work at least for the commoner US and Latin-Alphabet-European browsers and encodings on PCs.

Lepus_Rex et al.:

Bad cereal commercials? When I was a kid in Japan there was a chocolate-flavored-corn-flakes cereal called Choco Flakes, and their main commercial consisted of Twiggy (anybody remember Twiggy?) saying, with what seemed, to my childlike mind, utterly absurd Cockney-tryin'-to-sound-like-'er-Majesty-ish vowels, "Oh... Choco Flakes"; her vowels made it sound like it was spelled "Ehhhhhw, Chehw-kehw Flex".

Kat/katlaughing:

Did you see my recent posts in your Acres of Clams thread? Including Stan's Geoduck Page (where you can see just how much like a certain part of a very large horse they look like)?

Liland
Esperanto hymnodist

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 10:30 PM

Hat's off to Dharmabum for that collection of language translation bloopers.
Rich

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: celticblues5
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 12:51 AM

Oh, so many baaaaaad ads!

But my all-time top *musically sacrilegious* nomination has to be when they turned "When a Man Loves a Woman" into "When a Man Loves a Pizza." (Pizza Hut, I think)

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 01:02 AM

The corruption of the songs of my youth into product-promotional material really pisses me off,especially the music of people like John Lennon and Jimi Hendrix who are not around to protect their creations,and who I feel sure would have objected to this kind of distortion.In their case,it is probably the work of their surviving family members looking for an easy buck.You have to admire people like Ray Manzarek of the Doors who has refused,despite the fact that he could use the money,to sell any Doors material for commercial promotions.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Robby
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 10:42 AM

I got three to share.

1. From a billboard advertising a Chiropractor:

"When T Rex his back,
He goes to [John Doe] Chiropractor"

2. From a local plumbing company:

"Don't go to bed with that drip tonight."

3. From a 50s TV commercial for a savings & loan association. It was an animated cartoon of a number One wearing a straw hat and singing this jingle to "Sailing, sailing over the bounding main":

"Saving, saving, the [...]Federal way.
The dollars mount in your account,
With the dividends we pay.
Saving, saving. Insured?
You bet! OK!
To gain the goal your aiming for*
Start an account today."

*shooting an arrow into the bullseye.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Robby
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 10:43 AM

I got three to share.

1. From a billboard advertising a Chiropractor:

"When T Rex his back,
He goes to [John Doe] Chiropractor"

2. From a local plumbing company:

"Don't go to bed with that drip tonight."

3. From a 50s TV commercial for a savings & loan association. It was an animated cartoon of a number One wearing a straw hat and singing this jingle to "Sailing, sailing over the bounding main":

"Saving, saving, the [...]Federal way.
The dollars mount in your account,
With the dividends we pay.
Saving, saving. Insured?
You bet! OK!
To gain the goal your aiming for*
Start an account today."

*shooting an arrow into the bullseye.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Robby
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 11:13 AM

I have no idea how my reponse got listed twice. I suspect it was when I got an error message that a connection with the server could not be establishe and I clicked submit message again.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,Tiger
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 11:16 AM

On the back of a local septic system cleaning tank truck...

Here goes another load of "You know what."

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: mousethief
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 11:33 AM

I swear I'm not making these up.

From the back of an electrician's van (I forget the name of the electrician):
Let us remove your shorts.

On the back of a Gai's bread truck:
We really move our buns for you.

Alex
O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,Liland
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 08:43 PM

Yeah, I can vouch for the Gai's slogan. — Liland

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST, Banjo Johnny
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 03:58 AM

There's a silver-haired TV preacher (-- I know, they're all silver-haired) selling for $24.95, a tee-shirt (probably made in China) that says "WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?"

"I'll tell you what Jee-sus would do," the Reverend fervently assures us. "He'd buy a tee shirt for each and every one of His friends!"

There ought to be a Commandment against this. == Johnny

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Cavia_P
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 06:07 AM

Noticed on the side of a lorry in Hull (UK) this morning:

FUCHS
Lubricants to move your world
Cavia_P

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Grab
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 08:54 AM

A shop in Austria called Electrodick caused us much amusement.

I nominate every Coldseal radio ad ever done - anyone in Britain who listens to local radio stations will support me on this.

The all-time cashing in award though has to go to Microsoft's anti-DOJ T-shirt. Having spent a couple of grand on MS products, you too can spend another $10 on a T-shirt to say you support Microsoft's pricing policy!

Grab.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,Hilary
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 09:35 AM

Two shops from Brighton, UK: Belcher's Cafe, which was very close to the Wimpy Burgers. Who could resist?

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: bob schwarer
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 12:53 PM

I like the Zim's Crack Cream ad. A lot of double takes when folks see it the first time.

Bob S.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Songster Bob
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 01:16 PM

Nothing sucks like a Hoover!

And this is supposed to have actually been used by a Washington, DC funeral home in their 1920-30s radio ads:

Chambers caskets are so fine,
Made of sandal-wood and pine.
When your loved ones pass away,
Have them pass the Chambers way.
If your loved ones have to go,
Just call COlumbus-6-5-0h.
Chambers customers all sing,
"Death, oh death, where is thy sting?

(To the tune of "Rock of Ages."


And on another topic mentioned here:
The instructions for the © and ® given above, the ones with "tic-tac-toe" in 'em, are two or three hard-to-remember keystrokes longer than the alt+ASCII numbers version. I also don't know what some of those keys are, to boot. Seems to me that learning alt-0169 or alt-0174 would be easier.

Bob Clayton

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: NightWing
Date: 03 Oct 00 - 03:30 PM

Wish I had a funny ad, but I don't.

But Songster Bob, even easier to remember than 169 and 174 is © (©) and ® (®). You can find the complete list of mnemonic ampersand codes at this site.

BB

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 12:17 AM

I can' believe I didn't think of this until now but

Old Time Music is better than it sounds.

Rich

Subject: FENDER STRAP
From: GUEST, Banjo Johnny
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 01:25 AM

Songster Bob -- did you decide on the Fender strap? The bidding is closed, but check the Mudcat Auction. == Johnny

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,Chris Mayberry
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 08:33 AM

Here are two more--In Japan at a restaurant that serves "okunomi yaki", a sort of pancake with veggies and meat that you grill at your table, the English translation menu reads "Please Roast Yourself".

In Scotland I repeatedly saw shops (one assumes for the insomniacs of the area) such as McLeod Tyres and Exhausts. (It works much better with the American spelling "tires", but I've not seen anything similar here yet...)

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Dita
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 06:44 PM

A butcher in Garthamlock, called William Morrow, had as his slogan, when I was a wean "Come To Morrow, for todays dinner".
Possibly the worst advertising campaign ever was the "Your never alone with a Strand" slogan for Strand cigsin the 60's . ie "Losers smoke Strands"
love, john.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 04 Oct 00 - 09:51 PM

Car dealer in San Francisco's 60's and 70's jingle: (sung to the tune of See The USA in a Chevrolet) "See Ellis Brooks today, for your Chevrolet, corner of Bush and Van Ness. He's got a deal for you, oh what a deal for you, the kind of deal that you'll like the best!" Then ol' Ellis himself comes on ,sitting at a desk with five cans of coffee, and say's in an extremely gravelly voice: "I'll give you five pounds of Hills Brothers coffee, just for coming in and taking a look." Were people supposed to say, "Honey, I feel guilty taking this coffee and not buying anything, why don't we just go ahead and buy the car."?

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,Al
Date: 05 Oct 00 - 10:58 AM

In New York City there's a chain of supermarkets called "Food Emporium" Their radio jingle repeats the name endlessly. It's enough to make you lose your appetite.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Haruo
Date: 06 Oct 00 - 12:10 AM

In the course of my (paid) work today I had to call several seafood companies. One was called "Regal Fish", which I thought was mildly amusing, but then a bit later I ran into one called "Courageous Seafoods" which I actually think is funny. (Not FUNNY as in topping the rest of the thread, but funny enough to repeat.)

Liland

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: guinnesschik
Date: 06 Oct 00 - 08:22 AM

In Fort Worth there's a shop called Discount Caskets. The (late night) TV ad shows a large, biker looking guy in a suit talking about how you don't need to spend extra money to bury your loved ones in comfort. Gives us giggling fits every times, especially when he slides his hand over the satin pillow in one of the caskets. YUK!

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,Bardford
Date: 06 Oct 00 - 10:31 AM

A local garden supply/greenhouse ran the following slogan in their newspaper ads for a number of years:

"Get It Up in Your Garden"

Green grow the rashes,oh ?

Horticulturally Yours,Bardford

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 12:59 AM

Anybody remember "Where's the beef?!"

Rich

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: McKnees
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 04:42 AM

There's as local company who rents out portable toilets which goes by the name of PUGH and what about Bill Shatner singing on the car adds just now in the States and Canada.

McKnees

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,reed
Date: 07 Oct 00 - 08:07 PM

In fishmarket window:

I thought I'd Lobster, but then I flounder.

and then the classic:

Our fish are so fresh, you'll slap 'em.

By the way I'm looking for a joke/poem/etc. using the name of the ancient Greek philosopher Erasmus (pronounced Er-ass'-mus). It's got potential!!

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Haruo
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 08:09 PM

Just saw a lorry (US: truck) belonging to a [Forgot the Name] Casket Company that read "Dedicated to the Dignity of Life" on the side. My first thought was it implied something like "Seeing to it that the dead don't embarrass the living", but it was just a guess.

Liland

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Little Hawk
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 08:22 PM

There are all these stupid billboards around Orillia lately advertising milk. They show gloriously conditioned, deliriously happy, and entirely nude young people (with the private body parts not revealed, of course) being inundated by a veritable RIVER of milk that is pouring down on then from above, presumably from the very throne of God...or is that another name for the dairy industry?

The ad simply says: MILK GIVES

They don't say what it gives, of course...tooth decay, health problems, and a f*cked up digestie system...IMO. I never drink the stuff at all. Bleagh! :-(

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,Karen
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 08:32 PM

While waiting in a theater for a movie to start there was an ad being displayed on the big screen for a local hospital. Their motto was "Where Brain Surgery and Boo-Boos Get the Same Attention." It made me feel distressed for anyone having brain surgery there...

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: DancingMom
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 11:41 PM

There's a hamburger chain in Richmond, VA called Bullets. I decided not to eat there after one of their ads said, "BANG! YOU'RE FED."

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Matt_R
Date: 25 Apr 01 - 11:44 PM

Milk Gives = Milk Puts Out

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Ebbie
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 12:21 AM

There's a local nursing home that has emblazoned on the side of its van: PRIDE IN CARING. What's it mean? I assume they're trying to get across the message that they leave your pride intact while they're caring for you. But I dunno.

Ebbie

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 12:54 AM

Driving through Kentucky a few weeks ago I passed two tractor-trailers that belonged to a casket manufacturer. On the back of each was the slogan: "Slow down! We can wait for your business."

In 58 years I thought I'd seen some BAD ad campaigns, but never have I encountered one as irritating as the current "Who let the dogs out?" pitch for some car company.

Running a pretty close second, though, was the series of ads a few years ago with some pimply-faced dork yelling Ca-CHING! over and over.

Thank goodness for VCRs so I can zap through commercials on the few shows I watch on channels that run commercials.....

crotchety ol' David

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Bert
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 12:58 AM

Not that it's THAT bad but has anyone seen the new Toyota ad with the incandescent pickle? Amos!! where are you??

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,ddw who forgot to reset cookie
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 01:03 AM

that last post was mine — just so Matt R would know who to direct his disagreement to.....

david

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Dan Calder
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 06:48 AM

A car radiator repair shop in Moncton, New Brunswick:

"The Best Place In Town To Take A Leak."

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,D-hand
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 07:20 AM

A local barber has this sign in his window: 'We need your head for our business'

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 07:34 AM

Sinsull, on September 29, you posted
"The worst ever was "Crazy Eddie" " And that's the deal!" with arms up, sweaty armpits out, and a large beer belly beneath a SMALL T-SHIRT.
I resemble that remark!
Well, I admit to the beer-belly, but I don't remember shouting at you on Christmas Eve, & I NEVER wear small T-shirts.

Remember the Carpenters song "(Just like me, they long to be) Close to You"?
I am now bombarded, by some shopping mall, with: "Just like you, they long to be, in Abu Dhabi"
They pronounce Abu Dhabi as "Aboo Dhab-eeeeeeeeeeee" to get the rhyme.
It is not funny, but it is starting to give me the screaming ab-dabs! (We have a pretty limited selection of English language radio stations)
Note to self: "Self, remember to put some tapes in the car"!

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Wavestar
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 08:09 AM

My current irritation is one for Egypt (as in, Go to Egypt! not, Buy Egypt.) that says over and over again, "I wish I was..." in blah de blah, finishing with the very profound, "I wish I was in Egypt." I spend the entire run of the commercial screaming at the television, 'WERE! I wish I WERE in Egypt! Subjective! Subjective!"

But okay, that's just me, anal in funny little ways. But you woulf think that if you're paying that much to put commercials on in an English speaking country, you'd get the grammar right?

-J

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,LynnT
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 09:00 AM

Great stuff, folks!

Post-Star Trek but pre-Hooker, Bill Shatner used to do commercials for a Canadian grocery store chain called Loblaw's (the owner was, of course, Robert Loblaw, known as "Bob Loblaw" to his friends -- try saying that name aloud). At any rate, the chain's slogan was "It's Mainly Because of the Meat!" Can't you just see ol' Kirk emoting that?

Lynn

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From:
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 09:14 AM

A regional (southern U.S.) hamburger chain is running a TV campaign that features a singing/dancing biscuit (for godsake!). In the first series, the biscuit is in the shower singing while I envision soggy, soapy breakfast bread.

"I'm a walkin', talkin' biscuit, but you can call me B-eeeeeee."

And to think I used to like their food.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Wavestar
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 10:07 AM

err, subjunctive. My fingers type without askign the brain what they are about.

-J

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 10:45 AM

I've posted this observation to another thread recently, but, what the hell!
I pass Tittenhurst each day on the way to work (it is a large estate, once owned by Thomas Holloway of Victorian quack remedy fame, without whom I would have nowhere to work,later by John Lennon then by Ringo Starr and currently by a middle eastern potentate).
Oh, do get on with it, Roger
There is always building going on there and I frequently follow a sludge gulper which sevices the builders' portaloos.
It bears the firm's name "Chamberpots" and the proud slogan Number One in the Number Twos Business
RtS (I suppose it could have said: "Where there's muck, there's brass,but, hey, this isAscot, you know!)

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From:
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 11:15 AM

In Hong Kong would you cash your travellers' cheques at
Monye Excahnge
? - I didn't that's fer sure.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Trapper
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:07 PM

In Park Rapids Minnesota, there's the "CEASE FUNERAL PARLOR"....

- Al

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Long Firm Freddie
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:13 PM

I saw a gang of labourers clearing the vegetation by the side of the M20 motorway. The name of their firm was on the side of their van: Gorse Busters!

LFF

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: SINSULL
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 02:27 PM

lYNN - dO YOU REMEMBER WHY THEY USED sHATNER IN THE FIRST PLACE? tHE AD STARTED WITH HIM BELLOWING ON ABOUT THE NIAGARA FRONTIER. dAMN cAPSLOCK just for old time's sake.

Another annoying oldie is "Cupid's Quiver". This was a line of flavored douches including champagne. I really miss the 60s.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Little Hawk
Date: 26 Apr 01 - 05:04 PM

Matt - Yeah. They're using sex to sell milk. Amazing, isn't it? Personally, I have never found milk to be even remotely sexy. In fact it makes me feel slightly nauseous when I taste it.

- LH

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 28 Apr 01 - 11:55 AM

Melani said:

My favorite Oakland, CA business was "George's Chinese-American Smorgasbord". I guess after a while George Lee, the owner, realized that was a little odd, so he changed it to "George's Chinese-American Hofbrau". Much better.

Here in Indianapolis, a new restaurant just opened, called "Chinese Bistro". Same syndrome.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: tiggerdooley
Date: 28 Apr 01 - 04:40 PM

Do any UK Mudcatters remember the Kwiksave Off Licence advert, complete with animated 'merry' reindeer and 'tipsy' Santa:

'Do yourself a favour,
Be a LiquorSaver'

'LiqourSave at Kwiksave!'

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Dani
Date: 28 Apr 01 - 04:55 PM

Oh, I sure remember Crazy Eddie. And the Krass Brothers? In Philadelphia: "If you don't buy your clothes from Krass Brothers ___________" fill in the blank. They'd yell at you, and I can remember my dad turning the tv off (pre-remote and mute!).

How about, "My baloney has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R..."?

Dani

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,meadow Muskrat
Date: 28 Apr 01 - 05:50 PM

The guy in the crazy Eddie commercials was a a ny area radio announcer named JERRY CAROL. He always referred to Crazy eddie in the 3rd person. The real crazy eddie never appeared in the commercials and had a heap of legal problems last I heard.Believe it or not a new Crazy Eddie is open in Wayne nj under a different ownership. For worst slogan,Bob's Stores probably payed some marketing genius a bundle to come up with "Come on down to Bob"s"

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 28 Apr 01 - 06:24 PM

When I was a teenager back in Kentucky, an insurance company ran this radio spot

(sound of churchbell) Bonggggg Bongggg (announcer's voice) The bell tolls to record yet another traffic death in our town, and to remind you that there's still time to make sure you are sufficiently insured before your time comes...Bongggg Bongggg

a real day-brightner that one.

And my current pet peeve slogan..."and that's when you realize - you're SO ready for IBM!"

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Peter Kasin
Date: 28 Apr 01 - 10:25 PM

There was a store in the East bay (San Francisco area) called "Linoleum Dick's."

Dharmabum, your list is priceless!

-chanteyranger

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Mr Happy
Date: 09 Jul 02 - 06:19 AM

on rte [radio telefis eirrean: republic of ireland radio station]

there's rte radio 1 & rte radio 2

they used to have a jingle,

'radio 2, ireland's number one!'

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Coyote Breath
Date: 09 Jul 02 - 09:30 AM

Whooee! The idgits that makeup promos (I was one of them, I confess) REALLY need to see a thread like this.

My current LEAST favorite is the Hardee's comercial promoting their Philly cheese steak, loaded with onions. They show a young dumb guy drinking (not gargling) a huge bottle of mouthwash to kill the onion smell and closes with another young dumb guy spraying a whole can of air freshener into his mouth, AIR FRESHENER, not breath freshener. I did see a version that used breath freshener, though, later. I emailed Hardees and chastised them for showing someone doing something so very harmful as though it were OK! What if some little kid thinks it's alright to drink a bottle of mouthwash or, worse to fill his mouth (and probably his LUNGS) with air freshener! Up on the rez the kids use Lysol air freshener to get high, they call it a Cheyenne cocktail.

CB

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: catspaw49
Date: 09 Jul 02 - 09:36 AM

If I hear that gawddam "Zoom-Zoom-Zoom" Mazda jingle one more time, I'm gonna' shoot my TV!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Mr Happy
Date: 09 Jul 02 - 10:06 AM

there's a kind of soft drink marketed in japan called 'sweat'.

its not to do with perspiration, i was told by japanese friends, its pronounced, 'sweet' [japanese english]

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: SharonA
Date: 09 Jul 02 - 10:09 AM

Dani mentioned the Krass Brothers, in Philadelphia PA. Ah, yes... "Krass Brothers Men's Store – Store of the Stars!" The scrawny little guy in the commercials was Ben Krass, who would point excitedly at the camera and shout in a shrill, heavily Philly-accented voice. Some examples of the low-comedy "bits" they did were: "If you didn't buy your suit from Krass Brothers, you're all wet!!!" whereupon Ben Krass would be doused with buckets of water... and "If you didn't buy your suit from Krass Brothers, you're chicken!!!" whereupon Ben Krass would have rubber chickens thrown at him... and "If you didn't buy your suit from Krass Brothers, you was robbed!!!" whereupon Ben Krass would be mugged by a Keystone Kops-style burglar. But the most tasteless of the ads was the one with Ben Krass lying in a coffin, then sitting up suddenly, pointing at the camera as usual and saying, "If you gotta go, go in a Krass Brothers suit!!!"

Still, he's a part of Philly TV history, and his weird commercials are memorialized on this "Broadcast Pioneers of Philadelphia" web page: http://broadcastpioneers.50g.com/krass.html The commercials themselves are a thing of the past, and Ben Krass is in his 80's; he announced this year that he's finally selling his business. It's the end of an era! *G*

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: mack/misophist
Date: 09 Jul 02 - 11:17 AM

I heard this on the radio ONCE, in Oklahoma in the mid 50's. I can't see it but it must be truly awful for me to have remembered it all these years. A Peggy Lee clone sang:

We're havin a heat wave
A tropical heat wave
For coolness and slumber
Just dial our number
Armor 04-04
It's Exoteric

It must be horrible but I don't understand why. PS. Phone numbers were shorter then.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,toribw who should be working
Date: 09 Jul 02 - 02:47 PM

Couldn't resist this one...

At Kerrville Folk Festival this year, I saw one of the honey trucks (as they're called around here) cleaning out the toilets. On the truck beside the name of the company was a slogan proudly proclaiming:

"We're number one in the number two business."

Loved that!

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: robomatic
Date: 09 Jul 02 - 07:30 PM

From beautiful downtown Spenard:

"At Chilkoot Charlie's we rip off the OTHER guy and pass the savings on to you!"

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,ozmacca
Date: 09 Jul 02 - 09:58 PM

A few years back, out here in Oz, a TV celebrity (celebrity? - Oh my God!) named Jeannie Little did a whole series of TV ads for a chain of furniture stores. Her claim to fame was the catch-phrase, "Where do you get it?" delivered in an excrutiatingly shrill drawl, which put the teeth and nails on edge and make your ears shut down in self defence. The ads were the foundation for a whole career for the lady(?) featuring bad acting and a terrible accent. And it was her natural voice! I still shudder......

And those terrible old "K-Tel" ads where everything they made could slice, dice, cut, chop, julienne, mash, grind, and scale fish... even the LP records.

Or those cringingly bad ads with "Wait - there's more!" followed by promises of six steak knives. No wonder they have been parodied. The worst of the parodies is better than the best of the actual ads.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,Ian Darby
Date: 09 Jul 02 - 10:21 PM

I've posted this before..

Sign on the side of a van in London, obviously belonging to a firm of Asian building contractors.

'You've tried the Cowboys, now try the Indians.'

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: BillR
Date: 10 Jul 02 - 12:26 AM

One of my current annoyances is a local (Oakland, CA) plumbing comany and their slogan:

Just Water Heaters Inc. "For All Your Plumbing Needs"

-Bill

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: BillR
Date: 10 Jul 02 - 12:47 AM

This is Kayta borrowing BillR's cookie,

My favorite was a sign in a sporting good shop, saying "Now is the discount of our winter tents".

Kayta

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,True_Liberal
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 08:50 PM

On a storefront in a beach town near Malaga, Spain: BAR AND DRIVING SCHOOL

Wendy's may have had some lack of market penetration in some neighborhoods - they needed a WHERE'S THE BEEF AT?? slogan.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,282RA
Date: 29 Aug 06 - 09:46 PM

Membership has its rewards.

Especially when it doesn't have any.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 07:33 AM

On a curtain store's vehicle: 'The driver of this van is a blind man!'

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Charley Noble
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 09:55 AM

Oh, I think the current pain-relieving cream called "Head-On" wins hands down.

"Head-On! Head-On! Head-On!"

Repeated in a shrill penetrating voice, guaranteed to induce a headache.

Charley Noble

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Donuel
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 10:42 AM

apply directly to the foreskin apply directly to the foreskin apply directly to the foreskin.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 30 Aug 06 - 08:04 PM

In the UK there was a well known cream cleanser called "Jif".

The obvious implication was that it cleaned in a jif or jiffy - that is to say in a short period of time.

It has been re-named "Cif" (pronounced "sif").

"Sif", more properly spelt "Siph" or "Syph", is the colloquial diminutive for syphilis.

What genius names a cleaning product after a sexually transmitted disease?

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Dave the Gnome
Date: 31 Aug 06 - 09:27 AM

Aparantly Richard the change was to prevent confusion.

Jif could be ither Jif or Yif depending where you came from. Cif of course can only be pronounced one way...

:D

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 31 Aug 06 - 12:07 PM

Yes, but it's the wrong way!

And it could be pronounsed Sif, Chif, or Kif (two bad meanings out of three aint bad)

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST,Bruce Baillie
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 09:55 AM

...Now then folks I've got a great one here! I actually work in advertising as a graphic designer and a few years ago I had to do some artwork for a butchers shop who insisted on having the meaningless slogan, 'QUALITY IS THE TRUE TEST OF CHEAPNESS!'

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: frogprince
Date: 01 Sep 06 - 09:16 PM

At least Subaru dropped the line they were using for some time:
"Subaru, driven by what's inside"
As opposed to most cars, which are driven by someone hanging on outside and reaching in through the window?

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Alice
Date: 02 Sep 06 - 04:29 PM

Terrible tune to a company in Montana's jingle they play on tv and radio with OFF KEY singing (fingernails on a chalkboard)
"KLEEN KING, KLEEN KING we'll give your carpets the royal treatment." Yes, they spell clean... kleen.

The worst, a slogan in a graphic design company's yellow page ad - "We can shine a turd". YUK!

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Severn
Date: 02 Sep 06 - 06:43 PM

The worst car name I can think of was the Ford Futura. I guess it's OK to buy one the first time, but who would ever want a used Futura.

There is/was a foreign soft drink called Pschitt that friend who was a diplomatic service brat had encountered somewhere in his travels. (One of the bottle caps from this product is displayed on one of the Holy Modal Rounders' records, which often featured rare and interesting cork backed caps caps from Peter Stampfel's collection.)

A hair product that was marketed briefly a long time ago, complete with a National TV campaign, was derived from the Yucca plant and called "Yucca-Doo". It didn't last long.

And, yes, we had the inevitable butcher with the "Our meat can't be beat!" slogan in our area.

When I used to go up to Rockport Maine, there were two local well drillers, one on either side of town. One was named Drinkwater and the other's name was Boggs. I don't know about you, but I know which one I'd probably patronize.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Bunnahabhain
Date: 03 Sep 06 - 08:50 AM

Most patronisinging and meaningless I've seen in a while:

          We
          are
   Londoners.

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: robomatic
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 03:39 AM

In Anchorage:

Alaska Cleaners: Pants Half Off

On the road to Fairbanks:

Skinny Dick's Halfway Inn

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 01:07 PM

THE Peggy of Peggy Sue fame ran a drain clearing servis in Texas (or somewhere with a long drawling accent).

Johnathon Woss (UK TV lisper) rang her one day when he realised. And he asked here what the company was called - something like the Galvouston Drain Clearing Inc - to which Woss asked had she ever thought of calling it Peggy Sewarage............

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Sep 06 - 01:13 PM

Cingular's wonderful..

MORE BARS IN MORE PLACES!!

Love,
Annamill

Subject: RE: BS: Candidates for WORST ad slogan/jingle
From: Big Mick
Date: 07 Sep 06 - 07:40 PM

Folks, I am going to shut this thread down for a few days. It has been targetted by spammers. I have deleted 11 lengthy posts today. I will open it again in a few days.