BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?

Subject: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Amos
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 10:46 PM

From the far reaches of our very expensive and strong-minded Navy, the following dissertation sheds light on this topic. 'NOI' and I hope 'NOT' (no offense intended and no offense taken):

 
The Pottification Of The Navy

Hoo, the Navy has gone funnier than when Junior put his tadpoles in Aunt Lu's milk. It's wonderful. Headline, the Washington Times: "Navy admiral
wants to get rid of urinals."

On aircraft carriers. Yep. See, urinals aren't good for gender-equity, which is what the Navy is for.

Best I can tell, the admiral figures urinals make the girls aboard feel plumbing-challenged. It gums up their self-concept. And life, remember, is already tough for gals on warships. It's bad enough having those boomy
old gun thingies everywhere, and those smelly airplanes. They make a hostile environment and all. But the worst is those disgusting white patriarchy symbols, stuck threateningly to bathroom walls.

Think about it. Every time a woman goes to the men's room, there they hang, row on row, in silent reproach, telling her she isn't Fully A Person.
The horror. But now help gallops over the horizon, thumpety-thump. The help's name is Admiral John Nathman, and (incredibly) he's a naval aviator. Yes indeed. Potty John, the Carrie Nation of urinals, is going to make it all better. He wants "gender-neutral water closets."

When I was a Marine, I always wanted a commander who had an interest in urinals. None of them did, and they probably still don't. But the Navy, as Marines have always suspected, is a little different. And apparently getting differenter.

Personally I don't think Potty John has gone far enough in making the military resemble a sorority house. For example, a gal on ship stands out
by virtue of having breasts, which must create a hostile work environment.
(In fact I've never met a sailor who was hostile to breasts, but I'm being
socially progressive here.) I think that as a simple matter of consideration for our warrioresses, men in the services should be required
to have breast implants. Gender equity. This is, after all, the New Navy.

If compulsory surgery seems extreme this year, at the very least silicone strap-on mammaries should be mandated. Think of them as pre-loaded bras. Since servicemen have to wear uniforms anyway, minor additions could do no
harm. Infantrymen carry packs, don't they?

I figure breasts might become insignia of rank. Enlisted men would get small ones. Officers would have big mommas. Potty John, being an admiral, would have three. The Chief of Naval Operations would wear an udder.
Look, I'm just trying to be helpful.

Let's be honest. Many unnecessary hardships are inflicted on women by the
Navy. It's so military. I figure the Navy might consider renaming a carrier or two in a more woman-friendly manner -- the USS Daycare comes to
mind, or the good ship Terrycloth.

Then there are family separations. I'm agin'em. So I figure a carrier's hangar deck could be divided into a labor ward and a nursery. Granted, weapons would have to be sacrificed, but all they do is encourage violence. (Onboard counseling might help to reduce this lamentable side-effect of testosterone.
We could have caring,sensitive fighter pilots.)

Fact is, I admire Potty John for his willingness to be different from all those stodgy old male admirals we used to have. Can you imagine Bull Halsey (I guess today he'd be Heifer Halsey, or maybe Steer Halsey) focusing on urinal equity as he led the fleet against the Japanese? How about David Farragut: "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. Wait! Let's stop and talk about gender equity!"

No. No urinals for them. They were fixated on violence.

My father spent four years at sea during World War II, first aboard the USS Greer in the North Atlantic, and then in the Pacific on DD-554, the Franks. He didn't talk a lot about it. He was there for some of the big assaults, doing close fire support with 5-inch-38s. Those were ugly days when blood ran on the decks and the kamikazes screamed in and you red-barreled everything you had at the nacelles and hoped you hit a fuel tank before the pilot hit you. I bet those sailors, mostly dead now, all of them forgotten, would be proud to know about Potty Consciousness.

Truth is, the military needs to be stripped of all manner of gender-unfriendly trappings. What could be more phallic than a tank gun? The very thought must be offensive to women, and make them Uncomfortable. Submarines are nothing but nuclear-powered phallic symbols. (With a propeller, which is a disturbing thought.) I reckon we ought to have gender-neutral, cubic submarines. Flowered wallpaper would add a homey feel and, if you got rid of those awful male torpedo-things, there might be room for a shopping deck.

The potty problem has reared its genderishly inequitable head for years in
the mascara military. You just get in trouble for talking about it. Consider urinals and the Army. They were never a problem, because men regard the entire earth as a urinal in waiting. The side of the road, the
middle of the road, a tree, the ocean -- they don't discriminate. The way
feminists see oppression everywhere, men see urinals. It's a design feature.

Which means that if a battalion of trucks is maneuvering in the desert, guys don't care. Anywhere is as good as anywhere else. Women see things differently. They're embarrassed. They want a bush to go behind. In deserts there aren't any bushes. That's how you know it's a desert.

So they want all the guys to stand on one side of the truck while the ladies retire to the other. Of course, if the truck is in the middle of a
group of trucks, this doesn't work. And if some dimwitted guy forgets he's not really in the military, and thoughtlessly goes to the wrong side of the truck to check the oil -- that's sexual harassment, buddy. Firing squad to the fore.

I'm dead serious: Research has been done on ways to let female soldiers pee standing up. If that's not gender equity, it's at least comic relief.

I have to agree with Potty John: For many reasons, none of which I can think of, men should not be allowed to stand comfortably while making a sacrifice to the Porcelain God. However, the Navy shouldn't simply write off its investment in urinals. Surely unmasculine uses can be found for them.

They would make splendid planters for flowers, for example: They have a robust watering system and good drainage. The lighting would have to be replaced with grow lamps, but this requires a mere changing of bulbs. Easy. We would have a win-win situation: Feminists would get even with men for being able to use urinals, and men would have flowers to look at. A window-box arrangement around them with drapes would be lovely.

See why I tell guys, Don't enlist in this silly circus?

I've gotta run. To my stockbroker's, to invest in implant companies.
 
 
 

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 10:53 PM

A riot, Amos! What'll they think of next? My Dad (Marine, 24 years) always said "squiddly-diddleys" were a silly lot.

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: catspaw49
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 10:59 PM

Well this ought to be entertaining.............

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Mbo
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 11:03 PM

Have they invented the "innie" howitzer yet?

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: bbelle
Date: 29 Sep 00 - 11:04 PM

Matthew ... that was good, very good!

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: wildlone
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 03:44 PM

Great one Amos the lunatics have indeed taken over the assylum.
But wait the future of the Millatary is saved, if you want to stand up use this .

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: wildlone
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 03:46 PM

one day i will lern tu spel military

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Thomas the Rhymer
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 05:12 PM

Do Militant Feminists like to be angry?
Are gay pride enthusiasts having some sex?
Do corporate values make us more hungry?
Is magic reality, or at best a vex...

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: MarkS
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 10:10 PM

When a cynical person recently pointed out that the vast majority of female recruits in the Army were incapable of throwing a grenade beyond the bursting radius of the grenade, some of the more PC members of our government suggested that grenades be made smaller and lighter in deference to gender equity - with no regard to the notion that the enemy would then need to be closer to you before the grenade could be useful and thus less effective.
Sorry gang, but the issue of females in (certain) roles in the military really pushes a hot button for me.
MarkS

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 10:18 PM

On the other hand, if the women of the world had a little more input into prevailing philosophies and decision-making at higher levels, I suspect that we would have far fewer wars, and far less reason to squander so much money on military infrastructure in the first place...

Women are the finest warriors...when the cause is worth fighting for.

(Sorry to depart from the humourous aspect of this thread, I just couldn't resist such an opportunity...)

"There's a woman on my block, she just sits there, facing the hill...she says "Who's gonna take away his license to kill?"" - Bob Dylan

Little Hawk

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: catspaw49
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 11:36 PM

Yeah Hawk, we need a lot more Indira Ghandhi's..........

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Troll
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 11:42 PM

Ya teach 'em to read, ya buy 'em shoes, ya let 'em vote,and the next thing ya know they want us to pee sittin' down.
I tell ya guys, the next dam' thing ya know, they'll be wantin' to go fishin' with us! troll

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Troll
Date: 30 Sep 00 - 11:49 PM

By the way Little Hawk, if you will check out such female rulers as Hatshepsut, Elizabeth I, Catherine the Great, Eleanor of Aquitane etc. you will find that the female of the species is just as violent as the male be the cause just or not. Hitlers cause cannot be called just but some of the most vicious workers in his death camps were women like Ilse Koch. It is not gender, but power that begets wars.

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 01:13 AM

Heard as a rebuttal to an awful lot of dumb man jokes:

How many dumb men does it tale to clean a toilet?


None, That's women's work. ;->


Sorry, I couldn't resist

Rich

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Troll
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 09:25 AM

How many men does it take to replace a roll of toilet paper?

No one knows. It's never been done.

troll...an equal gender insulter

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Jeri
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 10:07 AM

Having had to listen to comments like "Will we have lacey curtains on the shop walls?" and "Are you sure you want women to carry weapons. You know, it might be that time of the month," I'm reading this with mixed emotions. Is the first post an attack on a dumb suggestion by an admiral, or an excuse to dig up all those old snotty comments?

For every X number of women in the military who do their jobs, there's one that bitches about breaking nails and having cramps, and calls it sexual harrassment when people bitch about her bitching. I worked in one shop where someone glued a set of foam rubber boobs to the side of a prima donna's toolbox. She accused a male co-worker of it. Another woman confessed to the shop chief. (It was meant to be a practical joke, but ended up coming off as mean. Falls under the heading of "taking advantage of the humor-challenged.")

MarkS, there are some women who can throw grenades better than some men. If physical capabilities are an issue, a person's right to do a job should be based on their personal abilities and not a stereotype. I'd also question where this "cynical person" got their figures from, what the bursting distance of a grenade is, and whether the women were going into a job that required them to lob grenades or whether the statistics (?) were from general training in boot camp, or actual infantry training. (I'm not that familiar with Army training.) I've had the experience of lobbing a grenade simulator and had no problems, and I haven't got the greatest arm in the world.

Beware of broad generalizations and ridicule. They're tactics used by those who wish to promote a stereotype but lack supporting evidence.

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Little Hawk
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 11:53 AM

Hey, Spaw & Troll...Yeah, of course there are always examples of individual women who are thoroughly violent and bloodthirsty when given the opportunity...I was just speaking of general tendencies, that's all. But you probably know that...

Maggie Thatcher was another really aggressive one. I believe she was more macho and masculine, in a sense, than any other British Prime Minister since Churchill. She certainly loved taking a hard line. A devil in skirts, she was. Sure gave the Argentinians one hell of a shock. Women make good war leaders because they defend their country with the utter tenacity of a mother bear defending her cubs.

Elizabeth the 1st of England is a spectacular example. Likewise Catherine the Great of Russia.

One thing about women...when they reach the position of high office they tend to try harder than most of their male counterparts, because they feel they have to prove themselves.

Elizabeth was a brilliant leader, and she changed the destiny of Europe forever.

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Ely
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 09:58 PM

Cramps hurt. They really do. Guys, have you ever eaten something that gave you really BAD gas pains? For a week at a time? You get the point.

If we weren't raised to complain about breaking our nails and messing up our hair, we wouldn't do it. I don't (I was raised to play in the dirt--I once beat up my younger brother because he stole my toy dump-truck).

You may be able to pee standing up, but I have to clean the toilet, and, if you're anything like the guys on my dorm floor, your aim is lousy.

MarkS, the only thing wrong with my physical capabilities is that my gym classes were so sexist and embarrassing I never wanted to throw anything again. Nevertheless, I'm sure I could learn to throw a grenade effectively.

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Mbo
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 10:02 PM

Don't worry Ely. I have UC. I know what cramps are like EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE. Gas? Mere child's play...

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall)
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 10:07 PM

I forget where I heard that Margeret Thatcher was really Hitler in drag.
Rich

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Ely
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 10:39 PM

Mbo--my sympathies. I'm not even that bad off and they still drive me crazy. But it's the best way I've found to convey the general feeling to those who . . . lack the plumbing.

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Troll
Date: 01 Oct 00 - 11:57 PM

Most of us who were in the military pulled a stint of latrine duty and know all about bad aim. You want a mess? Try latrine duty the morning after the first liberty after a 30-day cruise.WHEW!!
I have worked with women on an equal basis in a job that required continued physical exertion for 30 years. Some women were very good workers and some were not; just like the men.
But combat is a different thing. You can't be protective of the guy next to you. And it is the nature of the male to protect the female. If you hesitate in a combat situation, you can die right there and possibly your whole squad with you
That said, of course there are exceptions to every rule but a combat unit simply can't take the time to find and utilize those exceptions. Not where lives are at stake.

troll

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Amos
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 12:08 AM

It is the nature of the male to protect those on his close team regardless of geneder, i would say; the bias of men protecting women is a cultural overlay, not one inherent in the genes, except where the potential for reproduction is concerned.

I daresay the distribution of women who were as fast or faster than their male counterparts at assessing a combat situation and responding to it is comparable to any other comparison of skills between the two genders except for those depending on muscle size.

Jerry, in posting the first post in this thread I was not intending to dredge up snotty remarks but to simply portray what I see as a veritable cascade of stupidities. Personally I think anyone of the female gender who wants to join combat units is mad, but so is anyone of the male gender. If there were serious thrreats to survival at foot I would expect (as occurred in WWIII) plenty of volunteers from both sides to turn out. The wisecracks about times of month and germaniums in the urinals are simply ridiculous hangovers from the Victorian age that spawned the Big Divide. I am sure it makes no sense to rip out the urinals in a head because some women use it, but it sure makes sense to ensure there are enough seats to go around also. I think the whole dialogue is a compounding of idiocies from many sides.

A.

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 12:37 PM

Amos said:
If there were serious threats to survival atfoot I would expect (as occurred in WWIII) plenty of volunteers from both sides to turn out."

Was I asleep? I had heard that World War III would be short, but I guess it just got by me. Maybe I didn't read the newspaper that day.

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 01:44 PM

Just for the record, I grieve seeing any group tagged pejoratively, men included, especially at Mudcat, and especially as a thread title.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: GUEST,Judge Iron Hand
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 02:57 PM

There is no perjorative application to any particular group in this thread title, which is "Do Chuvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?"

It applies equally to Chauvinist Pigs of all genders and species. Therefore this post is predicated on grieving for no cause. This is improper emotional posture for right thinking Mudcatters. ;>)

Judge IH

Subject: RE: BS: Do Chauvinist Pigs Have Sense of Humor?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 02 Oct 00 - 03:04 PM

Humans included. Come on. You know what I mean.

~S~