BS: The keyboard and the sheep

Subject: The keyboard and the sheep
From: Grab
Date: 27 Oct 00 - 12:12 PM

This is completely non-music, but so funny I was having problems staying on my chair. It's just been posted to the TechTales website, and I've never seen anything like it!

Grab.

The keyboard and the sheep
Thanks to: Jay

The following is a transcript of a call I took recently. Before you read it, let me point out that we provide support for internal customers, meaning people who work for our company.

That being the case, we rarely run into callers like the guy below.

Read on....

ME: Tech support, This is xxxxxxx speaking, how can I help you?
Idiot User: (This is an Asian caller with a thick accent, and keeps mangling words.) Um..yes?
Me: How can I help you sir?
I.U.: Um..I don't know.
Me: Well...I really need something to go on here. What kind of problems are you having?
I.U: Um..I don't know what I did.
Me: Okay..and....?
I.U: Well..I don't know.
Me: Again, I really need more to go on than that.
I.U: Well..I um..I put a sheep on the keyboard, and now it don't work.
Me: What?
I.U: I said I put the sheep on the keyboard, and it don't work now.
Me: Okay..what exactly do you mean by "sheep"?
I.U: A SHEEP. I put it on the keyboard and now it don't work!
Me: Well there's no need to shout. Can I put you on hold for a moment?
I.U: Yes.

**So I put him on hold, and by now I'm just trying to figure out what a "sheep" is, and trying not to laugh. I asked one of the senior members on the team if he has any clue what is going on.

This person, having no sense of humor whatsoever, and not seeing where this call is obviously going to end up, says "Maybe it's that sheep screen saver. I've heard it can lock up computers"

'Thanks, I'll ask him"***

Me: okaaay....thanks for holding. Are you telling me this is a screen saver?
I.U: NO! It is a SHEEP on my keyboard!
Me: Are you saying "sheep"? (I then spell it out, using "p" for Paul at the end)
I.U: Yes! You don't understand ENGLISH?
Me:(Getting harder to avoid laughing) Alrighty then. So you say the keyboard is not working, correct?
I.U: Yes.
Me: Can you use your mouse?
I.U: Yes.
Me: Okay. Let's try a few things. First, click on Start, then click shutdown ,and follow the normal method you use to turn of the computer.
I.U: I can't do that.
Me: Why?
I.U: Because I normally use my keyboard and I can't do that now because it doesn't work because of the sheep.
Me: (Everyone else is off their calls and listening in. The snickering in the background was not helping me at all)Okay. well let's pretend you don't have a keyboard ,and use the mouse to shut your system off.
I.U: Why?
Me: Why what?
I.U: Why do I have to use the mouse?
Me: Because you said you have a sheep on your keyboard, and it doesn't work.
IU: Are you making fun of me?
Me: What? No. I'm just repeating what you've told me.
IU: Okay. The computer is off.
Me: Good. can you see the back of your computer?
IU: No. It is facing the other way.

***Again, he goes on hold, because I can't NOT laugh any more. Tears were welling up in my eyes because I was fighting so hard not to laugh. About a minute later, I've regained most of my composure and go back on the phone.***

Me: Thanks for waiting. I had to check a couple things before going on. Okay, so the computer is off. Can you turn the system around so you can see the back?
I.U: Yes. just a second. (Pause) I can only turn it a little bit.
Me:(Yes, I know I was asking for it, but it had to be asked) Why?
I.U: Because the keyboard is in the way.
Me: Well move the keyboard then.
I.U: Where to?
Me: Can you just move it down to the seat of your chair, or to the side?
I.U: No.
Me: Why? Is the cord to short?
I.U: NO! The sheep will fall off if I do that.
Me: (I am now thoroughly confused) Well then..can you see if the keyboard is plugged in tightly?
I.U: Yes. It is tight.
Me: You're sure the fit is snug?
I.U: Yes.
Me: Good turn the computer back to it's original position and then turn it back on.
I.U: But what about the sheep? It is still on my keyboard.
Me: Is it pressing down on any keys?
I.U: I can't tell.
Me: And why can't you tell? (Even as I asked this question, I knew it was going to lead to the exact answer I got)
I.U: Because the sheep is covering them.
Me: Oh. Well try to move the sheep so you can see the keys.
I.U: Okay. I can see my keys now. It is asking me to enter my user name now.
Me: The sheep is asking you? (It SEEMED like a valid question, given the situation.)
I.U: No! Windows 2000 is asking me. The sheep doesn't talk.
Me: Okay then. Enter your user name.
I.U: But what if the keyboard still don't work?
Me: We'll worry about that if it happens. Please just try to enter your user name.
I.U: Okay. It is working, but don't hang up yet. I want to make sure I can load my lotus notes and get into my mail.
(Pause) Okay. I'm in. Do you know what happened?
Me: Sorry. I haven't got a clue. But if I were you, I'd get rid of that sheep
I.U: Okay. Thank you.
Me: No problem. That's why were here. bye.

**Okay, I'll admit that I probably could have averted most of this if I had asked him if he could move the sheep off of the keyboard, but I was caught off guard, and it really didn't occur to me.***

Subject: RE: BS: The keyboard and the sheep
From: MMario
Date: 27 Oct 00 - 12:48 PM

a more or less normal day at the help desk. ID 10-T errors abound. also BK&C errors are quite common.

Subject: RE: BS: The keyboard and the sheep
From: Grab
Date: 27 Oct 00 - 02:27 PM

Oops, just found that "pre" sends it all off the screen on long paragraphs. Oh buggery.

Grab.

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I have changed it from <pre> to <blockquote> and done some formatting to make it easier to read. Joe Clone

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Subject: RE: BS: The keyboard and the sheep
From: sophocleese
Date: 27 Oct 00 - 06:44 PM

Okay Grab we now have my son, my husband and myself in tears here.

Subject: RE: BS: The keyboard and the sheep
From: Quincy
Date: 27 Oct 00 - 06:59 PM

Well you've really cheered me up and made me laugh.....I need that at the moment....I keep on reading it and imagine the scene!!!

Thank you Grab!! Best wishes, Yvonne

Subject: RE: BS: The keyboard and the sheep
From: rangeroger
Date: 27 Oct 00 - 09:53 PM

So if nobody else is going to use the sheep, can I have it?

rrnottoofarfromtheMontanaborderinIdaho

Subject: RE: BS: The keyboard and the sheep
From: Troll
Date: 27 Oct 00 - 10:12 PM

Lets watch it with the sheep jokes. If Spaw gets wind of this thread, we're all in trouble. ***BG***

troll

Subject: RE: BS: The keyboard and the sheep
From: Lena
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 01:44 AM

Can I come over at your workplace one of these days?!
Luv'd ya really for this story

Subject: RE: BS: The keyboard and the sheep
From: Thyme2dream
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 02:04 AM

Wonderful story, I'm still giggling!...don't worry about it being non-musical... Im sure someone here on the 'Cat could turn it into a song...( maybe to the tune of Wreck of the Old 97--no that's another thread..)

Subject: RE: BS: The keyboard and the sheep
From: Lena
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 09:55 PM

Hope so.I'll spend the all week end thinking about it...

Subject: RE: BS: The keyboard and the sheep
From: Matt_R
Date: 28 Oct 00 - 10:08 PM

I think it could work as a new euphenism! "Get the sheep outta here!" "I'm really getting tired of this sheep!" "Sheep off, loser!"