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BS: Effective Immediatley
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Subject: Effective Immediatley From: JedMarum Date: 13 Nov 00 - 02:14 PM For immediate release from London, England: London, 8th November 2000 To the citizens of the United States of America, Following your failure to elect a President of the USA to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume a monarch's duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, please comply with the following acts: 1. Look up "revoke" in a dictionary 2. Learn at least the first 4 lines of "God save the Queen" 3. Start referring to "soccer" as football 4. Declare war on Quebec. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your cooperation and... have a nice day! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: mousethief Date: 13 Nov 00 - 02:47 PM Ah, if it's only QE2 and her monarch's duties, then it's a cinch, since all she has to do is open the House of Lords, who can't do anything anyhow. No problem. On the other hand if you want us to kowtow to Tony Blair, you can just forget about it.
Alex |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Bert Date: 13 Nov 00 - 02:57 PM Thanks for reminding me that there is something worse than having duhbya for president. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Midchuck Date: 13 Nov 00 - 03:14 PM Following your failure to elect a President of the USA to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume a monarch's duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. I don't think it would make things much worse. Unless you tried to inflict your god damn idiotic gun laws on us. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your cooperation and... have a nice day! OK, but...we get a credit against the amount due for the money we...well, our parents and grandparents...spent to get Hitler off your backs. Peter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: SINSULL Date: 13 Nov 00 - 03:19 PM Declare war on Quebec? What will Peter T say? Does this mean that we get Fergie and Diane's ex- husbands as well? I'd rather have Gore and Bush. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: kendall Date: 13 Nov 00 - 03:20 PM Idiotic gun laws? explain please |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Robby Date: 13 Nov 00 - 03:48 PM Applications now being accepted for local chapters of the IRA. No Surrender!!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: kendall Date: 13 Nov 00 - 03:56 PM any NRA s.o.b.who approaches me could get shot..I hate violence |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Gary T Date: 13 Nov 00 - 04:19 PM Hey, don't even try to make us all drink your national beverage. We still know what to do with tea shipments. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Ely Date: 13 Nov 00 - 04:24 PM What gun laws? (Texas, our Texas, all hail the mighty state! Texas, our Texas, so wonderful, so great . . . ) Just kidding. Man, it's too bad that having good lyrics in your state song isn't a qualification for office--George W would have been out of the running a long time ago. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Kim C Date: 13 Nov 00 - 04:59 PM (drift alert) Kendall, did you know that in the town of Kennesaw, Georgia, it is a local law people must own guns? I don't know the specifics, but it is true. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: DougR Date: 13 Nov 00 - 05:08 PM Hmmm. Kim C, it would be interesting to know what the crime rate is in Kennesaw, Georgia, wouldn't it? dougR |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Lanfranc Date: 13 Nov 00 - 06:09 PM Welcome to Kennesaw - Population 1 ! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: dick greenhaus Date: 13 Nov 00 - 06:21 PM It was the law in relatively crime-free Connecticut until a dozen or so years ago. And still is in relatively crime-free Switzerland. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Liz the Squeak Date: 13 Nov 00 - 06:24 PM Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your cooperation and... have a nice day! As one of the afforementioned Revenue Officers, I will be over on the next flight, just as soon as I find my bowler hat and rolled umbrella..... OK, but...we get a credit against the amount due for the money we...well, our parents and grandparents...spent to get Hitler off your backs. Sorry, late filing penalty..... 3 years late! Interest should just about take that over the $1m ..... *BG* LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Bill D Date: 13 Nov 00 - 07:06 PM Dear Your Gracious Majesty: Do you REALLY want to resume control over this bunch of silly expatriates? It would involve settling petty election squabbles, monitoring Texans, Southern California, and bible-belt farmers.....AND figuring out what to do with the rabid American football fans! Not to mention the BBC trying to assume control over the wasteland of US television. I suggest you consider yourself lucky to have gotten rid of us when you did. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Jed at Work Date: 13 Nov 00 - 07:16 PM My English friends used to tell me they celebrated Thanksgiving too, only they celebrated it on the fourth of July because that was when they got rid of us! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Morticia Date: 13 Nov 00 - 07:17 PM Dear Maj, when you read this ( and I am in no doubt that you are a secret 'catter) please take careful consideration of what having jurisdiction over this bunch of nutters could do your fine, if somewhat soggy country. For example, it is likely that Wyo will infiltrate The Times and we will be forced to read articles on guitars on a regular basis, Kat and Jen will assume control of the RSPCA and there will be no more Rolf Harris nonsense and if Spaw gets into the Marmite we could experience climatic change even more considerable than we do now. Dick Greenhaus will take over Virgin Megastore, Mmario our world famed Brit cuisine, Rick Fielding could move in on the BBC and Big Mick on the trades union.....the NYCFTTS would set up a much needed branch in Milton Keynes and .......actually, I don't see anything wrong with any of this.......go ahead your Queenship, make my day. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: CarolC Date: 13 Nov 00 - 07:21 PM What this actually means for the U.S. is MORE ACCORDIONS! That's right, you must turn in all of your guns to representitives of Her Majesty, and you will be issued one accordion for each member of every household. You will be expected to learn to play it. Failure to comply will result in penalties being imposed.
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Midchuck Date: 13 Nov 00 - 07:26 PM I will give up my gun when you pry my cold dead fingers off of it! I will play an accordion when you pry my cold dead fingers onto it. Peter. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: kendall Date: 13 Nov 00 - 07:27 PM Kim C we also have a Town in Maine that voted to make gun ownership mandatory. It is called Bowerbank. I dont know the population, but, Dover-Foxcroft is huge in comparison. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Ebbie Date: 13 Nov 00 - 08:35 PM Sigh...OK, but could I just hum for 'God Save the Queen'? I seem to already know the tune. Ebbie |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Amos Date: 13 Nov 00 - 09:04 PM Excuse me folks, but I don't rercall independence being "granted" exactly. As I recall, it was hotly contested, and there was the little peninsula around Yorktown where the final quarter elapsed and we were ahead by a couple of points, and we won. That is not subject to revocation, old chap. Teddibly soddy. Regards, A |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: sophocleese Date: 13 Nov 00 - 09:14 PM Morticia love, you're confusing your ex-colonies. Rickj Fielding actually lives in Canada not the US. We will have to wait two more weeks before we vote for our next government. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Parson Date: 13 Nov 00 - 09:44 PM Guns? There is still a law on the books in South Carolina REQUIRING all men to carry a gun with them to Church every Sunday. It is AGAINST the law not to take a gun with you when you go to Church! Reason? So you can protect your wife and children in the event of an Indian attack. No joke. Randall |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Bugsy Date: 13 Nov 00 - 10:17 PM Thank you Jed for initiating this "lighthearted banter". Cheers
Bugsy |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: MarkS Date: 13 Nov 00 - 10:40 PM Well, as long as you promise we don't have to learn Morris Dancing I would go along. But you have to agree to let us teach you to drive on the right side of the road, and forget about using that silly metric system and get back to using proper inches and feet. MarkS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: WyoWoman Date: 14 Nov 00 - 12:16 AM Oh, fine. I'll be happy to do this as soon as every U.K'er on the 'Cat can tell ME the first four lines of "God Save the Queen..." ExACTly... Our Independence remains assured... ww |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: manitas_at_work Date: 14 Nov 00 - 07:57 AM Hey, we've been driving on the left ever since the Romans introduced traffic control in Londinium some 1900 years ago. I don't think we're about to change. Old dogs and all that... |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Liz the Squeak Date: 14 Nov 00 - 06:55 PM God save our gracious queen, long live our noble queen, God save our queen. Send her victorious, happy and glorious, long to reign over us, God save our queen. Or king. and I'm a republican!!! LTS |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Peter K (Fionn) Date: 14 Nov 00 - 07:07 PM Not forgetting the yank cash that put Hitler on our backs, Midchuck! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: KingBrilliant Date: 15 Nov 00 - 07:08 AM God save our gracious queen God save er dum-de-dum God save the queen dyadyadyadya Send her victorious hm hm hm hmmmmmm da-dum Send her victorious Errrm save the queen. (rustle rustle cough cough rustle as we all sit down again). Totally coincidentally, I have just recieved a fuller version of this through email: NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE To the citizens of the United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, HM Government hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. :) I like the one about 'indecisive day' best. Cheers Kris
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Grab Date: 15 Nov 00 - 09:06 AM Just beat me to it, Kris!
God shave our gracious Queen, Grab.
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: JedMarum Date: 15 Nov 00 - 09:11 AM King Brilliant that is absolutely wonderful! I laughed my ass off! "course you're mistaken if you think American's would give up football without a serious fight. All the rest might go un-noticed. I suggest HM leaves that one alone!! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Llanfair Date: 15 Nov 00 - 09:45 AM We do drive on the right side of the road, it just happens to be on the Left. Cheers, Bron. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: KingBrilliant Date: 15 Nov 00 - 10:02 AM Grab - you've just reminded me of an hilarious moment... We went to the last ever Royal Tournament a while back. At the end everyone stood solemly in honour of the Queen leaving. It took ages, and then Amoret (then aged about 7) whispered to me 'Do you reckon the Queen has pubes?'. With as straight a face as I could muster I replied 'Yes, but I expect they're a bit grey now'. Treason, probably! God Shave our Queen indeed! Kris |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Peter T. Date: 15 Nov 00 - 10:11 AM Most of Quebec is in Florida most of the year anyway. HEY!!! Wait a minute!! Maybe that's the problem! Quebec politics is rubbing off on Florida (actually, we are talking a two way street here....) yours, Peter T. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Steve Parkes Date: 15 Nov 00 - 10:22 AM Actually, as an Englishman, it's only fair to pint out that there is such a thing as American or US English: it started about four hundred years ago whenthe English-speaking Tudor Brits began to spread themselves to both sides of the Atlantic. However, aluminum is still wrong!! See here for the reason. Steve |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Kim C Date: 15 Nov 00 - 10:35 AM Kennesaw being relatively small, I doubt their crime is too high. That's a good question, though, and I'm actually going to look into that. But really, y'all, I'm game for anything that means we'll get Better BEER. Nobody has to convince me of the superiority of German cars, but Mercedes is going to have to make that SUV a little bigger to suit me. I'm not going to give up my Jeep Cherokee without a fight. And by golly I'll fight those Brits like we fought 'em the last coupla times - with a Pennsylvania Longrifle! ;) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Steve Parkes Date: 15 Nov 00 - 11:22 AM Kim, if you want better beer, just come over here and we'll treat you! Better leave that rifle behind, though - we're funny about that kind of thing. Actually, it's not us that's funny about it -- it's you! Anyway, even a Winchester is no match for a Lee-Enfield!! Steve |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Jed at Work Date: 15 Nov 00 - 11:32 AM ... and speaking of leaving the firearms behind, I had an acquaintence who was moved to England for a temporary position while his company established themselves there. He and his family lived near London for a year or more, so when he moved house, like many Americans might, brought along many of the household items. When he was about to return to the US after the work was done, the British authorities were quite concerned about the two hand guns he had among his belongings! He had carried them over from the US when he moved, ignorant of the UK laws, and kept them in his possession during his whole UK stay! I believe he sorted it out amicably (though he may have lost them) but I know he was quite surprised to find out he had broken the law! |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Kim C Date: 15 Nov 00 - 12:01 PM Shoot fire, reenactors take firearms overseas all the time. Everyone I know that's done it says, no problem, follow the rules and everything's peachy. After all, it ain't like you can really preload a muzzleloading rifle or musket and take it for a shooting spree. A few friends of mine took a trip to Ireland several years ago to see the birthplace of General Patrick Cleburne, who was killed in the Civil War in the Battle of Franklin in 1864. They were somewhere and wanted to fire a volley in the good General's honor, and had to get permission from the constable or something... at first the authorities were not amused but once my friends explained to them why they were there, it was "well, we're really not supposed to let you do this, but go ahead anyhow." So they got to fire their volley, and nobody got killed, nobody got robbed, there was no drive-by shooting, and everyone returned with two eyeballs. :) They did have some monstrous hangovers, though, to hear them tell it...
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: catspaw49 Date: 15 Nov 00 - 12:42 PM I responded to Steve Parkes who posted King Brilliant's 10 points on another thread, so I thought I might as well respond here too. Okay Kris, here ya' go..... 1) Being a 'Merican, I never got to "interspersed" and stopped instead on "intercourse" which was a lot more entertaining. Give it a try sometime. Ya' know, like, uh, you could go try it alone if you want to......We have a nifty expression for that, ya' know? And something else, like how is it that y'all get Left-tenant out of some French kinda' thing that should obviously be Loo-tenant? 2) You got a good point there except y'all can't get together on one form of English over there either. 3) Lookit here KB, we ain't much good at tellin' whether some feller is from Georgia or North Carolina and its the devil's own plague tryin' to figure if someone is from Michigan or Ohio, although Pennsylvanians, at least in the western part of that state say "Jagov" for "Jackoff." As far as y'all and the Oz folks go, well, like, uh, yer all jez "furriners" and that's about as much as we need to know. 4) Aw fer chrissakes.........Like, everytime I turn around, Michael Caine is playin' some likable sap.......What else do you want? 5) Most of us pretty much hate the tune after having to learn it in grade school and learning one set of words to it is enough for anybody! 6) KB, like, I gotta' tell you that the Soccer thing is catchin' on real big here because we have a lot of folks who are below average in the smarts department and Soccer is their kind of game......These would be the folks who are too stupid to use their hands. And that Rugby crap ain't never gonna' fly here either since no healthy, red-blooded 'Merican male is gonna' use the word scrum....sounds too much like scrotum.......and when you are all huddled up like that, well................ 7) Regarding the Canadjun problem, well, like, they really ain't one....or at least not much of one. Most of the folks in Montreal are too busy talking in tongues to accomplish anything and the crowd in Toronto have all seen "Phantom" way too many times to be a threat. I'm thinking though that like uh, well......What we oughta' do is take away their baseball teams cause they are fouling up the game. It delays the hell out of things to play TWO anthems and when they play up there, everybody is confused because they play the SSB first and that Canadjun thing last. I mean, its a known fact that the last two words of the Star Spangled Banner are "Play Ball." 8) Why just November 8th. Y'all ain't been able to make a decision without outside help for over two hundred years when your whole Empire started going down the tubes. 9) We like that "Dee-troyt Iron." Its only all of you world crybabies making a fuss or we'd still be building the 425 horsepower version of the 427 C.I.D. (Big Rat) Chevy and pluggin' it into everything from Corvettes to Pick-Up trucks. Man, you get yourself a pickemup with a gun rack, a 427, and a six-pack of Bud........now that's a ride for ya'!!! And you can get twin saddle tanks on the pickup that'll hold 52 gallons altogether which means you only have to stop for gas every 400 miles or so. Y'all can keep that German stuff, its way over-engineered. There's a Mercedes that has EIGHT parts to the thermostat housing fer gawdsakes! 10) We ain't got a clue. Ya' see they put people like Arlen Spector and Jerry Ford on a committee to find out and neither of them guys could find their ass with even ONE hand. Ya' know? Spaw |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Kim C Date: 15 Nov 00 - 12:56 PM Spaw, I think in some incarnation it was "levetenant." I looked it up one day but of course now I don't remember. Personally I would like to drive a Dodge Power Wagon. Now THAT's a TRUCK. Tea & crumpets, anyone? :) |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: kendall Date: 15 Nov 00 - 01:02 PM Sorry Fionn, it was the Treaty of Versailles that gave birth to the monster called Hitler. The US refused to sign it. |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Steve Parkes Date: 17 Nov 00 - 06:12 AM And news just in ... The US election could be decided in true Wild West fashion with the candidates playing a hand of poker - winner takes all. Under state law in New Mexico, where just 377 votes separate the two candidates and ballots are still being counted, five-card stud poker can be played by candidates in the event of a tie in any local election. The set of circumstances required before the card game with the highest ever stake can take place are complex but not impossible. George W. Bush must win Florida and Al Gore must successfully challenge Mr Bush's slim win in New Hampshire - that is when the New Mexico count would decide the presidency. Dino Montoya, press secretary to New Mexico's secretary of state, told Ananova that only last year the poker hand rule was used to decide the election of a magistrate after two candidates, Republican Jim Blanq and Democrat Lena Milligan, tied at 798 votes. A hand of poker in the local courthouse settled the election in Mr Blanq's favour. In 1988, an ace-high flush was enough for James Farrington to become Mayor of Estancia. Mr Montoya said: "It could be a hand of poker or the flip of a coin - its up to the two candidates involved and in this case that would be Mr Bush and Mr Gore or their representatives in the state. "It has been that way ever since we became a state - we achieved statehood in 1912. People are quite proud of the way things are done here and we get a lot of interested calls about the method." For more, visit http://ananova.com/go/75025 Steve |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: Kim C Date: 17 Nov 00 - 12:36 PM Is that really true? |
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Subject: RE: BS: Effective Immediatley From: mousethief Date: 17 Nov 00 - 12:56 PM I heard it on NPR. It must be true.
Alex |