BS: Please ring for Service

Subject: Please ring for Service
From: Dave Swan
Date: 01 Dec 00 - 04:37 PM

Here's your chance to exercise your creativity whilst playing the part of petty bureaucrat.

There's been a new service bell installed at the service window of my fire department. No longer will we be summoned to the front desk by the civilized ding of an old hotel bell, but by the electronic blat of a buzzer wired to sound throughout the building. Don't be confused, this isn't to report emergencies, this is the bell which summons us to lead firehouse tours for the local Boy Scouts and to tell Mrs. Fensterlake that we don't get cats out of trees.

So, before I go to the signmaker's shop, the question is what to say on two signs. One, with an arrow to direct the public to the buzzer, and another beneath the buzzer itself.

This way to the buzzer and it had better be good ?

and

Push only ONCE ?

All entries gladly accepted. The winnner gets a ride in a fire engine and a free trip down the pole.

D

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: MMario
Date: 01 Dec 00 - 04:47 PM

"Caution - pushing this button could summon an irate fireman" [underneath the buzzer]

and for the directional sign; "24,800 miles to button" (with an arrow pointing away from it)

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: Allan C.
Date: 01 Dec 00 - 05:18 PM

PLES RING IF AN RNSER IS REQIRD

PLEZ CNOKE IF AN RNSR IS NOT REQID

- A.A. Miline

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: Ebbie
Date: 01 Dec 00 - 05:19 PM

<-Personal Attention

New! New! New! For Service, PUSH.

Ebbie

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: Allan C.
Date: 01 Dec 00 - 05:21 PM

Oops. A.A. Milne

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: Jim Krause
Date: 01 Dec 00 - 05:24 PM

Ignore this button.

Fresh paint
Jim Krause

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: harpgirl
Date: 01 Dec 00 - 05:26 PM

...the winner gets a ride down the pole and a ride on the fire engine????? hey Bon, Bon did you hear that!!!! ohhhhbbbooooy! ooo la la!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Dec 00 - 06:05 PM

Please push button for service.

Out of Order. Electrical short.

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 01 Dec 00 - 06:15 PM

"If you can hear this, so can we."

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: Mrs.Duck
Date: 01 Dec 00 - 07:17 PM

How about push off we're busy

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Dec 00 - 09:09 PM

Sign One:

Need to speak to a friendly firefighter?
Our policy is to carry hoses not guns!
PUSH BUZZER >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Sign Two:

Press Buzzer ONCE
Pressing buzzer repeatedly will result in change of policy.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: Catrin
Date: 01 Dec 00 - 09:54 PM

How about -

When in doubt, follow the instructions (but leave none!)

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 01 Dec 00 - 10:01 PM

Hargal, how did read my mind! I guess its that bad eh?
Well I figure even if I don't win, Dave will let me ride down the pole if I come visiting the station, won't you now Dave?

Banjo Bon Bon

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Dec 00 - 12:18 AM

To Summon A Buzzee >>>>>>

To Be A Buzzer: Press Here

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: Banjer
Date: 02 Dec 00 - 01:01 AM

First sign: If this is an emergency, please go to the nearest pay phone and dial 911. If this is not an emergency feel free to use the new electronic marvel mounted below. However before pushing said technological marvel there are several thing one should be aware of. To learn these several things please read the instructions for use attached to the counter below the button.

Second sign:PLEASE READ ALL THE INSTRUCTIONS BEFORE USING THE BUZZER Welcome to the latest in technological advances in this, your public service facility. Keep in mind all services and equipment provided by our highly skilled staff is provided by municipal tax monies. The first thing you need to know is the shape of the button. Its round design was chosen so that it could be accessed from any direction with minimum effort. The distance from the floor was chosen so that it would also be accessible to citizens of all statures. Also it is Handicapped accessible as required by state statutes.
To operate the button one need only apply a firm pressure on the button, keeping in mind that it may be reached from any position around the circumferance. Holding the button down for a period of at least 5 seconds but not to exceed 20 seconds will set of a buzzing sound where it may be heard by on duty fire personnell. Please allow a reasonable period between the ringing of the buzzer and the appearance of an actual person. Remember these men may have just returned from a particularly nasty fire and are trying to get some much needed rest. Please be patient. If after reading all this, you feel you still need to talk to someone, or better yet if you even still remember why you are here, press buzzer at own risk!

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: katlaughing
Date: 02 Dec 00 - 01:40 AM

LMAO, Banj! You've hit the jackpot with that one!!

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: Little Neophyte
Date: 02 Dec 00 - 08:05 AM

Oh well, I guess Banjer gets to ride down the pole.


Little Neo

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: bflat
Date: 02 Dec 00 - 08:31 AM

The charge for use of this buzzer will automatically be debitted to your account. No refunds.

bflat

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: Bert
Date: 02 Dec 00 - 11:36 AM

The sign should say "BELL".

And rig the damned thing up to a timer through a relay so that it only rings one time and then there's a couple of minutes delay before it will work again.

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: Dave Swan
Date: 02 Dec 00 - 11:38 AM

This is great. I'm ready to hire all of you. You certainly exhibit the proper attitude. I'll print this for the proper distribution.

Banjer, I'll have to have a bigger wall built to accomodate your instructions.

O.K. Pole slides for everybody. Banj gets to drink from the fire hose.

Thanks, D

Subject: RE: BS: Please ring for Service
From: Hollowfox
Date: 02 Dec 00 - 02:03 PM

Banjer, you're a sick puppy; I like that in a man.