Lyr Add: Cowboy King's Night Before Christmas

Subject: Lyr Add: Cowboy King's NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS^^
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 24 Dec 00 - 12:43 PM

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AT M' HOME ON THE RANGE
(By The Cowboy King, of Arden Hills, Minnesota)

'Twere nigh onto Christmas, an' all 'round m' cabin
Ya c'd hear cactus grow -- warn't a coyote gabbin'.
M' long-johns was propped on a stick by the fire
In hopes that, come mornin', they'd be warmer an' drier.
The heifers were dreamin', outside on m' lands,
Nightmares 'bout me milkin' with cold mornin' hands.
M' horse slept indoors, an' the cabin smelled rank. It
Were so cold outside, me an' him shared the blanket!
When above, on the shakes, I heard hoof-beats skedaddle.
I unholstered m' guns -- somethin's scarin' the cattle! --
Threw open the door, stood out on the porch
Barefoot, buck-naked -- jes' m' gun an' a torch.
The moonbeams that marched 'crost m' spread single-file
Showed the snow was unbroken fer mile after mile.
"Some ruckus," I shrugged. "Jes' the wind in the sage" --
When 'crost the night sky comes the overland stage!
(Well, m' seein's no good -- ain't no cause to lodge pity --
Lost m' specs playin' blackjack in Dodge City.)
Overhead the stage twirled like a big wagon wheel,
An' I reckon I felt like a buzzard's next meal.
My eyeballs improvin' as each swoop it nears,
I c'd see the stage pulled by some strange-lookin' steers!
They ambushed m' ranch like a hound'll rout grouse --
Tore a wall off the barn, an' knocked down the outhouse!
Like a tumbleweed skitters which way the wind blows,
Them varmints was loco (an' believe me, I knows!).
An' then, from above me, I heard m' roof groan,
An' I figgered m' ceilin' would drop like a stone.
I yelled m'self raw, over jangles and jingles:
"Git that stage off m' roof! Git them steers off m' shingles!"
When, from somewheres behind me, I hears some galoot
Crack out "Pipe down, son!" as the room filled with soot!
He'd clumb down m' chimney, this greenhorn so rude,
An' one look at his rig said it all: "He's a dude!"
His face was all whiskers -- in a bag was his gear --
His red suit must mean he was huntin' fer deer.
He looked so danged silly, I guffawed through an' through,
But I stopped when he said, "Son, yer skin's turnin' blue."
I'll admit it looked strange -- didn't take much more proof
Than me standin' buck-naked, eight steers on m' roof.
"M' brain must've friz up clean through to the marrow.
'Scuse m' bad manners, sir," an' I doffed m' sombrero.
I asks, "Where ya from, Gramps?" an' the dude says, "Up north."
(Guess them Montana folks don't care how they go forth!)
"I'll be drivin' all night," he said, "last light t' first.
It's hard on ol' codgers -- but on reindeers it's worst.
So I'm askin' a favor, an' I hopes you agrees:
Lemme borry eight longhorns t'night, if ya please."
"Ya got grit, dude," says I, as my six-guns I cock,
"Bustin' up m' home spread, an' now rustlin' m' stock."
"That's all been repaired," said he, scratchin' his nose.
With a last "Much obliged!" up m' chimney he goes.
I were seein' dang good then as I recollects;
That greenhorn done gimme a new pair o' specs!
I looks out, an' sees a new barn in the fog;
In m' new privy sits a fresh Sears catalog!
But I still was uneasy -- them longhorns was prime,
An' fer reindeers I couldn't git nary a dime.
"I'll be back afore dawn," says he, slappin' the traces,
An' next thing I knowed, they whooshed over the mesas!
But I heard him shout out, as his stage cleared the moon:
"Happy trails t' ya, cowboy, 'til we meet again soon!"

[This poem has been printed annually since 1992 in "Bulletin Board," a daily feature of the St. Paul Pioneer Press, St. Paul, Minnesota. The author is known only by his Bulletin Board "handle."]

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Cowboy King's NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
From: katlaughing
Date: 24 Dec 00 - 03:25 PM

LOL!! Thanks for posting this, Jim! My dad is going to love it!

kat

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Cowboy King's NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
From: Áine
Date: 12 Dec 01 - 11:29 AM

Thanks for posting this, Jim. I'm putting this in my family's 'Christmas Story Book', right next to the Cajun version, which I love.

Happy Christmas, Áine

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Cowboy King's NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
From: GUEST
Date: 20 Dec 02 - 06:37 PM

Refresh. And Áine, could you post the Cajun version, or a link to it?

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Cowboy King's NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
From: Genie
Date: 20 Dec 02 - 08:41 PM

Thet's plum stupendifous!

Genie

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Cowboy King's NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
From: open mike
Date: 21 Dec 02 - 02:00 AM

only one problem- you don't milk heifers--but other than that it is good

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Cowboy King's NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 21 Dec 02 - 08:25 AM

Maybe the heifers are having nightmares about being milked in the future!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Cowboy King's NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 07:24 PM

Time to refresh this. I want more people to enjoy it.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Cowboy King's NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
From: Q (Frank Staplin)
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 09:41 PM

Jim Dixon also posted "The Night Before Christmas (in Texas, that is)" in thread 76813: Night Before

The links to "Cajun Night Before Christmas" seem to have died, but here is a fresh one: Cajun Night

A whole passel of 'Nights' here: Canonical Twas Night
If you like any of these, copy now. These personal university links are ephemeral.

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Cowboy King's NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
From: open mike
Date: 22 Dec 05 - 10:41 PM

i love both the cow boy and cajun one!
here is a link to the amazon site where you can buy the cajun one..
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0882899406/ref=pd_sim_b_1/002-1363440-1286435?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=283155

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Cowboy King's Night Before Christmas
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 06:32 PM

This year, The Cowboy King added this preface:

Some writer on the internet claims he's bin gittin' bilked:
He sez m' pome's not ack-er-it 'cause heifers can't be milked.
I must admit, the milk's bin poor—the bucket's bin mos' dry—
Them cows bin mooin' up a storm: so THAT'S the reason why!
Doggone, I reckon he is right; so now he'll get his turnsies:
I'll put them heifers out t' graze an' buy a herd o' Guernseys!

And then the poem was printed again, with "Guernseys" replacing "heifers"!

Subject: RE: Lyr Add: Cowboy King's Night Before Christmas
From: katlaughing
Date: 27 Dec 11 - 07:41 PM

That's funny...Cowboy King is purdy handy with his pen, ain't he?