Naughty kids' greatest hits II

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Didi
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 12:09 AM

Popeye the sailor man
He lives in a garbage can
He turned on the heater
And blew off his wiener
He's Popeye the Sailor man

Row row row your boat gently down the stream
Throw the teacher overboard and listen to her scream

Deck the halls with gasoline
Strike a match and watch it gleam
Watch the school burn down to ashes
Aren't you glad we played with matches?

Jingle bells, jingle bells
Rudolph picked his nose,
Oh what fun it is to ride
in Granny's pantyhose!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Melani
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 12:34 AM

On top of Old Smoky
Where nobody goes,
I saw Annie Oakley
Without any clothes.
Along came Gene Autry
And took off his vest,
And when he saw Annie,
He took off the rest.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Metchosin
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 03:18 AM

We used Betty Grable instead of Annie Oakley and from what I recall, sang:

Along came Gene Autry
A clippity clop
He sat down beside her
And pulled out his cock

subtlety was lost on us.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Oct 04 - 10:32 PM

I rode a school bus when I was younger and we all scattered to sit at the back because you could say those "naughty things" and the driver couldn't or more likely didn't do anything. One song I remember was about a rooster and it went something like this.

I had a chicken no eggs she's lay
I had a chicken no eggs she'd lay
One day that rooster came in our yard and caught
that chicken right off her guard.
she's laying eggs now she never used to until
that rooster came in our yard.
she's laying eggs now she never used to until
that rooster came in our yard.

I had a milk cow no milk she'd give,
I had a milk cow no milk she'd give,
One day that rooster came in our yard and caught
that milk cow right off her guard.
she's giving milk now in wax containers
she never used to until that rooster came in our yard.

I had a girlfriend no (hums) she'd have
I had a girlfriend no (hums) she'd have
until that rooster came in our yard and caught my girlfriend
right off her guard
She's having (hums) now she never used to
until that rooster came in our yard.
She's having (hums) now she never used to
until that rooster came in our yard.

Click for "The Rooster".

---

the other song I loved to sing was

There's a skeeter on my peter knock it off
Theres a skeeter on my peter knock it off
Theres a sketter on my peter,
theres a sketter on my peter,
theres a sketter on me peter knock it off.

For a little girl i sang this very well and didn't understand for quiet a
why my mom said it was not "lady like" after all "Peter" was one of the boys at school.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 12:35 AM

Classic thread!!!

A contemporary (1962) satire on Sink the Bismarck by Johnny Horton....

"Twas nineteen forty two or maybe it was forty three
I sailed with Captain Tuna on the Chicken of the Sea
We didn't sink the Bismarck no matter what they say
When we saw the German battleship we sailed the other way"

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Cool Beans
Date: 05 Oct 04 - 06:14 PM

"Walking Down Canal Street," which I learned in the mid-1950s, was a poem, sort of an early rap, and it went...

Walking down Canal Street,
Looking in a store.
Goddamn sonofabitch!
Couldn't find a whore.

Finally I found one.
She was tall and thin.
Goddamn sonofabitch!
Couldn't get it in.

Finally I got it in,
Wiggled it all about.
Goddamn sonofabitch!
Couldn't get it out.

Finally I got it out.
It was red and sore.
The moral of this story is:
Never f**k a whore.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Chris Green
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 08:28 AM

To the tune of the Coco Pops ad from the mid eighties (UK)

My name's Coco and I live in a tree
I sell condoms for twenty-five p
Some are are fifty some are a bob
It all depends on the size of your knob.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Flash Company
Date: 06 Oct 04 - 12:16 PM

As I was going by St Pauls,
A woman grabbed me by the arm,
She said 'You look a man of pluck,
Come in my house and have a cup of tea!

Some for a tanner, some for a bob,
It largely depends on the size of your gob!

Also

Oh I slapped her face and I walked away
With a hi-for-titty-fal-lol-de-ay,
I pulled her hair and punched her well
And old Joe Frith he p----d hissel!

That one deserves some explanation! Two women in Great Budworth many years ago (I learned it from my Gran!) had a cat fight, so a local Parish Councillor called Joe Frith was called in to break it up. Instead he laughed until he was helpless!
The local kids plagued all three participants fo years!

FC

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Once Naughty Now Nice
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 09:42 PM

Similar to what kendall posted above, the same tune (Sweet Violets 2)

There was an old preacher who lived by a crick
And ever' Sunday evenin' he played with his
Marbles and play things in old days of yore
He had a young daughter he thought was a
Nice young lady she seldom said squat
An old elder Deacon said he'd been in her
Sunday------School------class.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From:
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 01:16 PM

Don't be shy,
Don't be silly,
Show me ya tits,
and I'll show ya me willy.

Sometimes I'd get a slap, but sometimes some actually did, to see if I would. AAhh the good old days, without none of this silly 'politically correct' rubbish, to ruin our innocence.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,chunkey
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 02:33 PM

having a great time reading this thread!!
I am 11 and this is one of my favourite that my dad taught me!!

Say what you will
our school dinners make you ill
and Davy Crockett died from shepherds pie
our school din dins come from pig bins
out of town...

Dad says this is sung to the tune of an old televion programme called Out Of Town(must be very ancient).

Alex

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,chunkey
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 02:38 PM

oh-just thought o' two more

rinky tinky tinky
my doggys done a stinky
right behind the kitchen door
and he said to the cat
what do you think of that?
and if you like it
i'll do a little bit more!

...

incy wincy spider climbed up the water spout
i turned on the tap and washed that spider out
but that dumb spider climbed up the spout again
so i squished the dumb spider blimey what a pain.

thanks alex

Subject: THE REAL STEAMBOAT SONG!!!
From: GUEST,Concerned citizan
Date: 31 Jan 05 - 06:25 PM

Miss Lucy had a steamboat the steamboat had a bell (ding ding) the steamboat went to heaven but miss Lucy went to hello operator please give me #9 and if you disconnect me i will chop off your Behind the refrigidrato there was a piece of glass miss Lucy sat upon it and broke her little Ask me no more questions tell me no more lies teh boy are in teh bathromm pulling down their flies are in the meadow teh bees are in teh park miss lucy and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K D-A-R-K DARK DARK DARK the dark is like the movies, the movies like the show the show is like the tv set and that is all i know i know i know my mother i know i know my father i know i know my sister with the 18 hour 18 hour BRA-BRA-BRA

THERE ARE MANY OTHER VARIATIONS TO THE ENDING

THIS IS THE ONE I KNOW my mother is godzilla my father is king kong my brother is the stupid one who made up this song my mother gave me a nickel my father gave me a dime my sister gave me a boyfriend his name was frankenstein he made me do the dishes he made me wash the floors he made me clean his underweard then i kicked him out the door i kicked him over london i kicked him over france i kicked him over hollywood and he lost his underpants

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 01 Feb 05 - 10:08 AM

The original of "In days of old...", IIRC, was a romantic song that began

In days of old, when men were bold

And barons held their sway,

A warrior bold, of fame untold,

Sang merrily his lay,

Sang merrily his lay:

My love is young and fair.

My love has golden hair.

and ended

So what care I, though death be nigh?

I'll fight for love and die.

You can see why parodying it must have been irresistable. Here are a couple more stanzas from my parents' childhood:

In days of old, when men were bold

And women not particular,

They lined them up against the wall

And screwed them perpendicular.

and, mirabile dictu, an innocent one:

In days of old, when men were bold

And cast-iron trousers wore,

They lived in peace, for then a crease

Would last ten years or more.

--- Joe Fineman    [e-mail]

||: What is the population of the largest city you have never :||

||: heard of?                                                 :||

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Kids say the darndest things
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 06:23 PM

Similar to above to the tune of Whoopie-tie-yi-yippie-yippie-yee

First time I saw her sitting on a hill shakin' her titties at Buffalo Bill

Gonna wrap my root around a tree, round a tree
Gonna fling my balls in the briar

Second time I saw her.......

I forgot the rest.

Also,

I was never brave enough to ask a girl to look down her shirt and spell A T T I C.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Caro
Date: 24 Mar 05 - 09:55 AM

Dear 11 yr old Chunky - You think your dad is ancient! We used to sing an almost identical version of the 'school dinners' song in the mid 50s

OUT OF TOWN - Max Bygraves - 1956
From the film "Charley Moon" (1956 (Leslie Bricusse / Robin Beaumont)

Say what you will
The countryside is still
The only place that I could settle down
Troubles there are so much rarer
Out of town

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,loreshdw
Date: 12 Apr 05 - 03:43 PM

I don't remember all of the "Comet" song, but here's a little bit:

comet
it tastes like gas-o-line
comet
it makes your mouth turn green
comet
it makes you vomit
so have some comet
and vomit
today!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,cat dog
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 05:45 PM

bend over and spell run

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 16 Jan 06 - 09:44 PM

This one was popular in Kentucky back in the early 1960s. It was recited, not sung, in a kind of pompous style as if it were high art.

When I was young and didn't know how
I milked the bull instead of the cow
I pulled the tail instead of the tit
But all I ever got was a bucket of sh!t

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: The Fooles Troupe
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 02:00 AM

I remember that one from the 1950's (primary school) in Bundaberg Oz.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 08:59 PM

Goes to show ya, Foolestroupe. Great poetry has legs.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Joe_F
Date: 17 Jan 06 - 11:16 PM

When the weather's hot and sticky,

Then it's time for dunkin' dicky.

When the frost is on the punkin,

That's the time for dicky-dunkin'.

--- Joe Fineman    [e-mail]

||: Felicificity: Happiness per unit luck. :||

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Flash Company
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 06:52 AM

I think it was about my first day at Junior School I heard:-

When I was a lad, as big as me dad, I used to ride a pony,
I took a stick and tickled it's p---k and made it like poloney.

Couldn't understand a horse liking poloney, they eat hay don't they?

On Joe's 'Days of old' theme, we had:-

In days of old, when knights were bold,
And women weren't invented,
They bored big holes in telegraph poles
And screwed them quite contented.

As the man said, 'You are never alone with a dirty mind!'

FC

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Fred
Date: 30 Apr 06 - 05:10 PM

I was searching for two songs that my father and gran(dmother) sang.

The first was and adaptation of "Men Of Harlech", which mentioned "shooting peas up the nanny goat's doorway..." which Bert very kindly mentions (I'm 54 and my dad died in 1988, gran in 1986).

The second song was another adaptation, this time of "The Girl I left Behind Me", which my gran used to sing:

"Oh the black cat pee'd in the white cat's eye,
And the white cat said cor blimey.
And the black cat said it's your own bloody fault,
You shouldn't have stood behind me."

I would be grateful or any information that anyone can provide relating to these two songs.

Many thanks,
Fred
(Oxfordshire - UK)

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 02 Sep 06 - 12:32 PM

An alternate version of Everybody's Doing It from 1967 in Wichita, Kansas, OK Elementary School.

Everybody's doin' it, doin' it, doin' it
Pickin' their nose and chewin' it, chewin' it
Some call it candy, some call it gum
But it's not
It's not (running the last two words together to sound like, It's snot)

Also, the Roy Rogers/Dale Evans aka Tarzan/Marilyn Monroe story reminded me of a couple of jokes we thought were really dirty in 5th or 6th grade at McClure Elementary in Tulsa, OK

Eve pointed and asked, "What's that?" Adam said, "That's my snake."
Adam pointed and asked, "What's that?" Eve said, "That's my jungle." Adam asked, "Can my snake crawl in your jungle?"

Also, Gomer Pyle and Betty Lou were sitting on the couch and Gomer Pyle asked, "Betty Lou, can I turn out the lights?" She said, "I guess so." Then he asked "Betty Lou, can I kiss you?" She said, "I guess so." Then he asked, "Betty Lou, can I put my finger in your belly button?" She said, "I guess so."
Then she said, "Gomer! That's not my belly button!" And Gomer said, "Surprise! Surprise! Surprise Betty Lou! That's not my finger either."

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Urbane Guerrilla
Date: 15 Oct 06 - 11:57 PM

This probably isn't quite a true *kids'* ditty -- it was a novelty song about kids' ditties that got some radio play circa 1963. Sort of a laundry list of couplets -- the only ones I still remember were chanted, rapidly:

"Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice!
Pull down your pants and slide on the ice!"

"Oh what a face! Oh what a figure!
Two more legs and you'll look like Trigger!" -- with a bar of clippety-clop sound after that one.

There would be a few couplets and then a chorus. The final chorus ended with

"...when youuuuu were a kid!"

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Urbane Guerrilla
Date: 16 Oct 06 - 12:33 AM

And a couple naughty *adults'* favorites -- at least I suppose they're favorites -- and I'm not quite sure if as a GUEST I can start a Lyr Req thread:

Something that has as its chorus:

"Aar de aardy aardvark (x2)/Picking up a bunch of faggots in the park!"

No really; they are gathering up bundles of firewood there. C'mon, aren't you a Turtle?

One I remember better, to "Alouette:"

"I'm so wet from standing in the show-er;
I'm so wet from standing here all day;
I'm so wet from standing in the show-er
Down at the local YMCA.

'Say there, did you drop your soap?'
'Yes I did, you silly dope!'
'Drop your soap?'/'Silly dope! -- Ohhh...' (Chor.)

'Say there, may I soap your back?'
'If it's not a sneak attack!'
'Soap your back?'/'Sneak attack! -- Ohhh...' (Chor.)"

You could probably start Stonewall Riot Number Two by singing this like a total flamer in certain parts of NYC.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,pammymcb
Date: 21 Oct 06 - 11:45 PM

Down by the river where nobody goes
There lives an old lady without any clothes
Along came a man swinging on a chain
Down went his zipper and out it came

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Rowan
Date: 22 Oct 06 - 11:06 PM

Alan (of Australia) had a posting in the earlier thread addressing milking in the army. In the late 40s in Melbourne I learned it as
'Twas in the army now
I hade to milk a cow
I pulled its tail instead of its tit
I'm in the air force now.

However, the rhyme that I can't find in the DT (and I know I've mentioned it somewhere a couple of years ago) concerns a type of glue used before araldite took over; the most popular brand was "Tarzan's Grip". The rhyme, from the 50s, was declaimed rather than sung and went

Tarzan swings!
Tarzan falls!
Tarzan hangs by the hairs of his ...

Now don't be mistaken
and don't be misled;
Tarzan hangs by the hairs of his head!

At around the same time the radio advertisement for Tarzan's Grip, which sold in tubes much like toothpast tubes, advised

"Get a tube of Tarzan's Grip, the stuff that sticks!"

Around the school yard this became

"Get a grip of Tarzan's tube, the stick that stuffs!"

And, while the parodies of "On top of old Smokey" around our way all mentioned Marilyn Monroe, the man was always Errol Flynn. For years, every type of smutty joke that fertile minds could conceive featured antics of these two. The whole genre of Errol Flynn and Marilyn Monroe jokes died though, within about 24 hours of Errol Flynn's death; it seemed that they weren't transferable to anyone else. At least, in Australia; can't say about other places.

Cheers, Rowan

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Cluin
Date: 28 Jan 07 - 04:50 PM

One from my little nephew today:

Batman's in the kitchen
Robin's in the hall
Joker's in the bathroom,
Peeing on the wall.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Vikkidness
Date: 20 Feb 07 - 05:43 PM

Here's a pop parody from the 70s

We had joy
We had fun
we stuck fingers up our bum
but the smell was too strong
cause our fingers were too long

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Jake Blues
Date: 21 Feb 07 - 02:15 AM

Here's a couple I remember:
Beans, beans, the magical fruit.
The more you eat, the more you toot.
The more you toot, the better you feel.
Beans, beans at every meal.
Open your legs and let it SQUEEEEEEEEEAAAAL!!!

When my sister was in pre-school, she came home one day and loudly chanted the following:
Down by the ocean, down by the sea.
You broke a bottle and blamed it on me.
I told Ma, Ma told Pa,
You got a whippin' so HA HA HA!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Dave Hunt
Date: 21 Feb 07 - 04:15 PM

My brother Billy's got a ten foot willie
and he showed it to the girl next door
She thought it was a snake so she hit it with a rake
And now it's only five foot four
-------------------------

There once was a woman who sat on the rocks
Teaching the young boys to play with their
kites and their marbles in the old days of woe
When along came a woman who looked like a
decent young woman who walked like a duck
Said she'd invented a new way to
educate children to sew and to knit
When along came the farmer who let out
Cart from the stable to follow the hunt
while his wife in the farmhouse was powdering her
Nose with the contents of a vanity box
And remembering the last time that she caught
A cold
---------------------

The first time I met her I met her in white
All in white, all in white
She said she'd stay all night
Down the dark alley where nobody goes

The next time I met her I met her in red
All in red, all in red,
She jumped right into bed
Down the dark alley where nobody goes

The next time I met her I met her in black
I found her lovely crack

The next time I met her I met her in blue
We had a lovely screw

The next time I met her I met her in green
She said the doctors been

The next time I met her I met her in blue
She said the baby's due

And more that I have forgotten!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: LukeKellylives (Chris)
Date: 21 Feb 07 - 04:39 PM

You mean to tell me that no one remembers:

There's a place in France where the naked women dance.
There's a hole in the wall where the men can see it all.

Oh, the times of fifth grade...

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Meic
Date: 30 Mar 07 - 07:50 AM

From late 1940s - early 1960s; Manchester UK

Girls were active participants in skipping, boys merely sometime interested observers - the following skipping rhyme gives a clue. Each line was accompanied by appropriate actions:

I ca do the turn around
I can do the splits
I can do the crouch down
Picking up sticks
I can do the hootchy-cootch
Sister showed me how
The girls show their knickers
And the boys say, "Wow!"

A flash of female knickers [underpants] was a BIG DEAL in those [slightly] more innocent times!

.................................

A retort after name-calling:

Same to you wi' knobs on
Y' walk around wi' clogs on
Dad's still got his whiskers on
An' you wi' dirty knickers on

So witty we were ...

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Meic
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 03:00 PM

The clogs referred to above were commonly worn by the [cotton] mill girls [and men]. Kids' sizes were also made. They had leather uppers and shaped wooden soles reinforced with metal studs and strips. They were at the third tier of 'shoe poverty indicators' - stage 1 being bare feet, stage 2 being pumps [canvas and rubber gym shoes] and/or wellies [rubberised wellington boots], stage three clogs. Posh kids had proper shoes.

My mother reluctantly let me wear clogs just once - I dearly wanted to join in the 'sparking' [kicking up sparks with the metal on the cobbles] like the other kids. She wouldn't buy a second pair because it 'showed her up'

Another silly verse [song] popped into my head:

A fart went rolling down the street, parlez-vous
A fart went rolling down the street, parlez-vous
A fart went rolling down the street
Knocked a copper off his feet
Inky-pinky parlez-vous

Meic

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Dave'sWife
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 03:22 PM

Meic - clogs similar to the type you describe were quite the fashion in the USA in the late 1970s amongst teenage girls. I had several pair but never thought to make sparks with the metal studs! What an unimaginative child I was. I was too busy chasing around elderly family members with a notebook and pen and asking them for their versions of Johnny Verbeck.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Meic
Date: 31 Mar 07 - 03:43 PM

They [memories] all come tumbling down ....

Late 1940s - early 1960s Manchester UK

Two more:

John and Mary went to the dairy
John pulled out his big canary
Mary said, "Oh what a whopper
Let's lie down and do it proper"


I met wi' a farm-lass
Wi' a walk like a duck
Who said she'd invented
A new way to
Educate her children
To sew and to knit
But the smell from her wellibobs
was just like
"Sweet violets, sweeter than the roses"

This last line was sung in sweet and tuneful[?] falsetto. It could be - and was - sung in chorus with impunity in front of innocent[?] girls and ignorant[?] adults ... we would then fall apart laughing, knowing the 'naughty lines' which came before it.

wellibobs = local slang for wellington boots

Red-haired kids came in for some name-calling:

Ginger - you're barmy
Went to join the army
Got knocked out
With a bottle of stout
Ginger - you're barmy

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST
Date: 16 May 07 - 07:33 PM

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Rusty Dobro
Date: 17 May 07 - 03:28 AM

I just discovered this thread. Bert's contribution of 6 October 1997 (!) 'Little Fly Upon The Wall', took me straight back over 50 years to hearing my grandad recite this - I've never given it a thought since. Far too much nostalgia this early in the morning.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,inkblob
Date: 03 Sep 07 - 03:08 AM

this will take awhile to read through all these ditties for sure. here's the version of great green gobs I remember:

great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
simulated monkey meat
chopped up baby parakeet
french fried eyeballs floating in a pool of blood
and I forgot my spoon
slurp slurp!

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: catspaw49
Date: 05 Oct 07 - 09:45 AM

Finally! Way back up the thread about 5 years I asked if anyone had the parody version of "The Sweetest Gift." I have now answered my own question!
To get the whole thing in one post, first, here are the lyrics to the original as posted by Barb Shaw:

The Sweetest Gift, A Mother's Smile
James B. Coates

              E
  
One day a mother came to the prison
  
             B7                        E
  
To see an erring but precious son
  
She told the warden how much she loved him
  
            B7                        E
  
It did not matter what he had done.
  
  
 (Chorus)
                  E
  
She did not bring (to) him
  
Parole or pardon (free)
  
                   B7
  
She brought no silver (or gold)
  
                E
  
No pomp or style (to see)
  
It was a halo (bright)
  
                     A
  
Sent down from heaven('s light)
  
                E       B7            E
  
The sweetest gift, a mother's smile.

Her boy had drifted far from the fireside
Tho' she had pleaded with him each night
Yet not a word did she ever utter
And tho' her heart ached, her smile was bright.


She left a smile son, you can remember
She's gone to heaven, from heartache free
The bars around you could never change her
You were her baby, and e'er will be.

Next, here is my favorite rendition of the original by Emmylou and Linda Ronstadt

on YouTube

NOW.....Here are the parody lyrics done by Garrison Keillor which you can also hear.....

Listen on Real Player

THe Ballad of Peanut Butter
All rights reserved. Copyright © 1984 Garrison Keillor.

One day a child
Came home from football
Where he had fumbled,
Was jeered and booed.
His mother saw that
His heart was breaking
And so she made him
His favorite food.


CHORUS:
She did not make (a bowl of) Garden salad (greens), She made no whole (wheat rolls) Or a pile (of beans). It was a sandwich, on toasted white bread, Of peanut butter creamy style.
The years went by and
He was a loser,
He led a useless
And wretched life,
And yet she never
Criticized him,
She smiled as she
Got out the knife.

CHORUS

Then he decided
On the basis
Of a book that
He read one fall
That his problems
Had resulted
From excessive
Cholesterol.

He had some (great big bowls)
Of garden salad (greens),
He ate those whole (wheat rolls)
And a pile (of beans).
He gave up sandwiches on toasted white bread
With peanut butter creamy style.

That night his dog died,
He smashed his pick-up,
His sweetheart left him,
He lost his hair.
His house caught fire,
He went to prison,
His dear old mother
Came to him there.

She did not bring (him bowls of)
Garden salad (greens),
She brought no whole (wheat rolls)
Or a pile (of beans).
She brought a sandwich on toasted white bread
Of peanut butter creamy style.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,cass
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 11:15 AM

We used to sing this one as kids in the 90's

Old Mcdonald sitting on a fence picking his balls with a monkey wrench and pissin all over his overalls. Went to the DR. and the DR. said no more picking your balls with a monkey wrench.
When I die bury me hang my balls on a cherry tree, when they get ripe take a bit but dont blame me if they dont taste right!

Miss mary had a steam boat the steam boat had a bell ding ding. Miss mary went to heaven the steam boat went to hell-o operator please give me number 9 and if you disconect me Ill kick you in the behind the yellow curtain there was a piece of glass miss mary sat apon it and hurt her ask me no more questions tell me no more lies the boys are in the bathroom doing up there flies are in the medow bees are in the park miss mary and her boyfriend were kissing in the d-a-r-k dark .

When god made lil ni**ers he made them in the night, he was in such a hurry he forgot to paint them white (this was actually in my great grandmothers bible from her childhood growing up in the early 1900)

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Azizi
Date: 22 Apr 08 - 02:51 PM

GUEST,cass, I'm wondering why you felt the need to post that last rhyme. I note that you did not include a comment that you deplore its racist sentiment and that you recognize how offensive it is, though probably your great-grandmother and her parents did not recognize this. How sad it is that your great grandmother or her parents felt that that piece of sh*t was somehow of such great importance that it should be written in a Bible of all places.

But perhaps, you don't think that that little ditty was offensive, or you thought that by putting the asterisks in that word, it removed the putrid stink from that piece of garbage.

I realize that Mudcat is a public forum, and I realize that members and guests are permitted to post things that may even cross the line of offensiveness. And I also recognize that there may be other folk here besides you would don't consider that rhyme to be offensive. There also may be other people people who are members of Mudcat or who visit Mudccat who may collect racist rhymes, for their "historical value" or just because they want to. However, I just want you and them to be aware that I consider that last rhyme in its entirety to be highly offensive.

I also want my comment about that rhyme to be on the record in this thread about "naughty kids", in case someone else who is Black or non-White or White reads that putrid rhyme and feels as though they were sucker punched like I felt when I read it.

And, by the way, GUEST,cass, you might want to check out this Mudcat thread:
thread.cfm?threadid=110622&messages=5
"Rock Against Racism 1978 anniversary"

One of the comments that I read in that thread is that constant vigilance is needed against racism.

Your posting that racist crap on this thread proves how true that statement is.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: GUEST,Guest - RRM
Date: 23 Apr 08 - 10:36 PM

re: Aardy Aard Aardvark"

"As I was crossing over the moor, towards Amsterdam on my hike,
I dropped my sticks at the sight that I saw:
'Twas a fairy perched on a dike!
Singing aardy aard aardvark, aardy aard aardvark, picking up a bunch of faggots in the park."

It goes on from there, but I can't remember any more.

Old LP (pre-Political Correctness, obviously), buried away somewhere - I bought mine from the bargain bin in a dept. store in New Haven, CT, in the mid-'60s. (Also got one of Cass Elliot with her first group - I believe - The Big Three.)

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Azizi
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 09:56 AM

Having some time and not that much that I cared to do, I decided to re-read this thread, and compile a categorical listing of the themes that were found in the rhymes. My motivation for doing so was to find out whether there were other children's rhymes posted to this particular thread that included racial slurs such as the rhyme posted on 22 Apr 08 - 11:15 AM by GUEST,cass and whether there were other children's rhymes on this thread that included homophobic referents such as the rhyme posted on 23 Apr 08 - 10:36 PM by GUEST,Guest - RRM {who presumably isn't the same person as GUEST,cass. It should be noted for the record that I consider the rhyme posted by GUEST,Guest - RRM to be just as offensive as I condier the rhyme posted by GUEST,cass. And in re-reading this thread, I did not find any other rhymes but those two that include racial slurs or homophobic referents. I don't know whether that is just a coincidence, or whether it says anything at all about whether the definition of what is or is not a "naughty kid's rhyme" has changed or is in process of changing. Be that as it may or may not be, here's a rough listing of the themes that I found in the rhymes posted to this page:

Naughty Kids Rhymes II {An Overview Of Themes Of Rhymees With Arbitrarily Selected Examples} as of 4/24/2008; compiled by Azizi

A, B, C

D, E, F
Death {casual references to}
[SDShad - Date: 07 Apr 00 - 09:38 AM; "I'm looking over my dead dog Rover"]

Defecation {rhymes that mention "pooping", craping}
[GUEST,chunkey - Date: 07 Jan 05 - 02:38 PM {1st example; rinky tinky tinky; my doggys done a stinky"; Annabelle - Date: 08 Jun 00 - 01:38 AM; "IN days of old/when knights were bold and toilets weren't invented/they lay their load by the side of the road/And went along contented"]

Drinking liquor/Death
[GUEST,Neil Lowe -Date: 07 Apr 00 - 08:11 AM "3,6,9 the goose drank wine…/the monkey got choked; all went to heaven etc"]

Farting/ Diarrhea
{1st example; GUEST,Jake Blues - Date: 21 Feb 07 - 02:15 AM}; Meic - Date: 31 Mar 07 - 03:00 PM]

G, H, I
Girls showing their knickers {underwear; underpants}
[Meic -Date: 30 Mar 07 - 07:50 AM]

Gross rhymes {picking your nose, eating gross food; and other gross references},
[2nd example Metchosin -Date: 07 Apr 00 - 04:00 AM ; GUEST Date: 02 Sep 06 - 12:32 PM ; {Everybody's doin it..pickin their nose" etc; GUEST,inkblob -Date: 03 Sep 07 - 03:08 AM { great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts]

Homophobic rhymes {rhymes using homophobic references}
[GUEST,Guest - RRM ;Date: 23 Apr 08 - 10:36 PM]

Insults; taunts, including teacher taunts
[bassen; Date: 20 Feb 99 - 04:47 PM; 2nd example; GUEST,Urbane Guerrilla - Date: 15 Oct 06 - 11:57 PM; Meic; Date: 31 Mar 07 - 03:43 PM {2nd example; insulting red haired girls "Ginger you're balmy]

Insulting taste of food, beverages {such as school meals}
[GUEST,chunkey -Date: 07 Jan 05 - 02:33 PM { our school din dins come from pig bins
out of town...]

J, K, L

M, N, O
Miscellaneous {including "non-naughty children's handclap or jump rope rhymes; and   play on words rhymes
[GUEST,Estela -Date: 07 Jun 00 - 04:46 PM; JMike - Date: 06 Oct 97 - 09:46 AM}; Lonesome EJ -;Date: 05 Oct 04 - 12:35 AM; GUEST,Caro - Date: 24 Mar 05 - 09:55 AM]

Nakedness {rhymes that mention being naked}
naked { SteveF (inactive) -Date: 26 Feb 99 - 01:23 PM; ; LukeKellylives (Chris) -
Date: 21 Feb 07 - 04:39 PM ;"There's a place in France";

P, Q, R
Parody of sentimental songs
{catspaw49 - Date: 05 Oct 07 - 09:45 AM; "The Sweetest Gift, A Mother's Smile"

Peeing {rhymes that mention peeing}
[1st example Metchosin -Date: 07 Apr 00 - 04:00 AM; GUEST,Fred - Date: 30 Apr 06 - 05:10 PM; Cluin - Date: 28 Jan 07 - 04:50 PM]; rabbitrunning - Date: 05 Sep 00 - 12:45 AM; "How dry I am/how wet I be/if I don't find the bathroom key" et

Physical punishment from parents {rhymes that mention children getting a whooping from parents}
{ 2nd example GUEST,Jake Blues ; Date: 21 Feb 07 - 02:15 AM; "I told mom, mom told pa You got a whippin' so HA HA HA!"]

Profane language {using "bad words"}
[Cool Beans - Date: 05 Oct 04 - 06:14 PM; Pixie -
Date: 27 Jun 00 - 07:53 PM; 4th example]

Profanity avoidance {including words being implied or unspoken, or substitution of another word]
[Date: 07 Apr 00 - 04:00 AM ; Lady McMoo – PM; Date: 07 Apr 00 - 04:36 AM; GUEST,Once Naughty Now Nice -Date: 06 Jan 05 - 09:42 PM; Liz the Squeak -
Date: 28 Jun 00 - 06:50 PM. "Mary had a bicycle/ the spokes were made of brass,
and every time she turned the wheel'/ the spokes went up her skirt; kendall -
Date: 07 Jun 00 - 10:54 PM; "There once was a farmer who lived by a crick" etc"']

Racial; ethnic offensive rhymes
[GUEST,cass -Date: 22 Apr 08 - 11:15 AM]

Religious/national offensive rhymes
none unless one counts this rhyme about the Germans
[GUEST,Mrrzy-at-work; Date: 07 Apr 00 - 12:08 PM ;"There's a german in the grass / With a bullet up his ass / Pull it out, pull it out / Boy scout!"; my sense is that this would be better {or also?} categorized as a sexualized activity rhyme]

Retorts against insults/name-calling
[2nd example Meic - Date: 30 Mar 07 - 07:50 AM]

S, T, U, V
Sexualized parts of the body {euphemism/s used for penis, breast, vagina etc}
[Teresa; Date: 21 Feb 99 - 02:46 AM; GUEST,pammymcb -Date: 21 Oct 06 - 11:45 PM; also refers to woman's nakedness; GUEST,Kids say the darndest things -
Date: 20 Feb 05 - 06:23 PM; GUEST,Pete [e-mail] -
Date: 07 Jan 05 - 01:16 PM]

Sexual activity, including masturbation {references to}
[GUEST Date: 02 Sep 06 - 12:32 PM; 2nd and 3rd examples]; Flash Company -
Date: 18 Jan 06 - 06:52 AM." In days of old, when knights were bold,
And women weren't invented etc"; GUEST,Once Naughty Now Nice -
Date: 06 Jan 05 - 09:42 PM; Melani - On top of Old Smoky
Where nobody goes/I saw Annie Oakley/Without any clothes etc {implies sexual activity}.
Date: 10 Mar 02 - 12:34 AM ]]

Stinking smell [not insults] GUEST,Vikkidness - Date: 20 Feb 07 - 05:43 PM; "we stuck fingers up our bum/but the smell was too strong/ cause our fingers were too long[ note: emphasis appears to be on the smell and not on masturbation],

Violence {insects, other living creatures; not humans}
[2nd example; GUEST,chunkey - Date: 07 Jan 05 - 02:38 PM {parody of the incy wincy spider]

Vomiting
[GUEST,loreshdw -Date: 12 Apr 05 - 03:43 PM ;"Comet" parody; Metchosin - Date: 07 Apr 00 - 04:00 AM; "Hasten Jason/Bring the basin" etc,]

W, X, Y, Z

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 10:48 AM

Skipping song UK) vintage 1952 (honestly !)

When I was young I had no sense
I ripped my bollocks on a barbed wire fence.
Off to the doctor's I did go
Balls and all I had to show.

He sat me down on a great big stool
And cut four inches off my tool.
When I got home my sister laughed
To see a broom without a shaft.

Yankee Doodle went to town
In a cart and pony.
Stuck a feather up his bum
And called it macaroni.

Yankee Doodle came from town
In that cart and pony.
Let a fart that split the cart
And paralysed the pony.

Oh, how we laughed . . .

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Melissa
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 08:28 PM

Bryn,
is that the same tune as--

When I was young and had no sense
I crawled through a hole in the back yard fence
I crawled right through and there I spied
The same size hole on the other side

(Stanley Holloway, The Gobbledegook)

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Joe_F
Date: 24 Apr 08 - 09:06 PM

Cf.:

The bear went over the mountain (3x)
To see what he could see (3x)
The other side of the mountain (3x)
Was all that he could see (3x)
The other side of the mountain (3x)
Was all that he could see.

Evidently little children have some sense of the futility of life.

Subject: RE: Naughty kids' greatest hits II
From: Leadfingers
Date: 25 Apr 08 - 12:03 AM

100