BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?

Subject: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 10:42 PM

Isn't February Cabin Fever Month? Be careful how you spend it!

According to "Pam Pohly's Net Guide" (http://www.pohly.com/dates_alpha.shtml), February is also Low Vision Awareness Month. Despite being busy celebrating this, I could not fail to note that our local university alleges that February is also National Condom Month! (I guess these come together so we can "just watch out.")

Ms. Pohly apparently disagrees, listing National Condom Week for February 10-17, and National Condom Day for-- you guessed it-- February 14. Still, it's always good to plan ahead. After all, March 13–19 is Brain Awareness Week, and if you observe that you may notice certain bad consequences of failing to keep these February holidays!

If not, don't worry-- National STD Awareness Month arrives in a timely fashion, in April. Now, April 5 is billed as Kick Butts Day, and I am sure this is a veiled reference to not smoking. But what if you don't smoke? Well, if you have caught the clap, that would be a good day to find the culprit!

May brings Better Sleep Month, and hopefully all STD problems can be resolved by then so you can rest easy-- because it's also Correct Posture Month, and variety in positions is so important.

Well, just to be safe-- better study up on condoms. And guess what! You can do that right here at the Mudcat!

See:

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=8550

http://www.mudcat.org/thread.cfm?threadid=8847

Wishing us all good health!

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: wdyat12
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 10:48 PM

Dear Guest, Your timely contibution has been received with much interest by at least one new mudcatter. Thanks wdyat12

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: GUEST
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 10:52 PM

wdyat12, there is a thread around here somewhere welcoming new members. I hope you'll find it and introduce yourself.

But first, be sure to see the FAQ thread at the top of the thread list, for more classic and memorable Mudcat threads.

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: wdyat12
Date: 04 Feb 01 - 10:54 PM

Thank you Guest. I'll do that. wdyat12

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 05 Feb 01 - 12:25 AM

Guest, I guess the point of National Condom Week/Day is that if you contract an STD, YOU are the culprit. Unless, I guess, if you contract it from your spouse...

And as for the advice you gave wdyatl2, you might also introduce yourself.

--seed

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: GUEST,Art Thieme
Date: 05 Feb 01 - 12:46 AM

no comment !!

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: The Sugar Dog (inactive)
Date: 05 Feb 01 - 12:50 AM

huh HUH! You human beans is STRANGE CRITTERS!!!

Us dog folk, we oughtta take charge is whut Ah thinkin'!

~Sugar Dog

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: bseed(charleskratz)
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 01:07 AM

Let's see, I could say "Hey, Art, good to hear from you...a 'no comment' from you is better than ten pontifications from 'The True Conscience of the Mudcat.'"

Or I could say "C'mon now, Art, you started the first condom thread--you're not suddenly developing a delicacy in matters of taste, are you?"

Or maybe I'll just say "Hi, Art...my extended absence from the threads has kept me out of touch with old friends."

--seed

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: Matt_R
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 01:18 AM

Condoms? What are theses strange things of which you speak?

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 01:38 AM

Like little, bitty, teeny wienie raincoats, Matt. Casual wear-- de rigeur when the lady declines to wear a pearl necklace.

Study up. Wenching can get serious, fast, in some parts.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 01:57 AM

WYSIWYG? Isn't that where young Ebenezer Scrooge used to work, and where they had the great party every Christmas Eve, and his girlfriend ditched him because he refused to wear.....oh, never mind. Sorry, Susan.

All the best.

Seamus

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: wdyat12
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 02:13 AM

My Sweetie never used one. Guess that's why we had kids wdyat12

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 08:27 AM

I was rather shocked the other day upon finding out these things come in SIZES!

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: GUEST,winterbright
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 10:05 AM

Being a religious educator, I'm just back from a training session on a new human sexuality curriculum (where we put condoms on bananas - blindfolded!). Wish I'd known about Nat.Condom Week then so I could pass the word. Ever hear of condom ART?

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 10:26 AM

Yeah I have, winterbright. There's a graphic designer who made the All-American Safe Sex Stops AIDS Red White and Blue condom. Can't remember his name, but currently he's making a Dorothy (from the Wizard of Oz) condom.

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: Mountain Dog
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 11:10 AM

Condon ART? Do I detect a THIEME here?

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 11:14 AM

I'm not sure, Mountain Dog, but it sure is a swell subject.

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 11:23 AM

Good to see the thread getting longer, and longer, and longer....

Do they call web filters that screen out sexy subject matters "virtual condoms?" Why or why not?

Sizes, colors, and flavors!

Oh I have a funny one for you. My best friend's 12 year old son assured her that when he and his girl have sex at the mall (!!!) in the little hall outside the bathrooms (!!!), they don't risk pregnancy OR disease. They are very responsible. First, they only have oral sex, and also, they always use a condom.

Now THAT is a dedicated girlfriend. Who knew our kids were listening so well?? ~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 11:27 AM

Damn, even the 12-year-olds are getting some...makes me feel like an old geezer!

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 11:30 AM

Matt, you just need to let the girls know that you are really good with your Sawzall.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 11:34 AM

Sorry Art.............Its just one of those things. You made a good point back then, but the vagaries of the 'Cat took over and.................Ah well, it was fun and once again you have added a piece of Mudcat lore not to be forgotten!!! We love you for it.......and all those bad puns too!

Seed!!!! Welcome back my friend. Really great to see you!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: GUEST,Matt_R
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 11:45 AM

Sooz...just WHAT are you saying???

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: Mountain Dog
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 12:48 PM

I remember washing up in "The Gent's" at a local pub in a far corner of the UK and seeing a rubber novelty dispenser on the wall bearing the following instructions:

"Insert coins, then twist red knob hard to right.":

Beneath which some helpful soul had scrawled::

"On the machine, you stupid git!"

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 01:32 PM

Possible Slogans for National Condom Month

A crank with armor will never harm her.
About to blast her? Cover your bushmaster.
About to dick her? Remember your slicker.
Before getting drastic, wrap it in plastic.
Before getting laid, wrap up your spade.
Before the bed starts to rockin', put your cock in a stockin'.
Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.
Before you bag her, sheath your dagger.
Bodies shouldn't go slapping till Dick's got his wrapping.
Cover your stump before you hump.
Don't act like a fool, vulcanize your tool.
Don't be a loner, cover your boner.
Don't be silly, protect your willy.
Don't make a mistake, muzzle your snake.
Especially in December, gift wrap your member.
Going out? Shroud your sprout!
If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.
If you go into heat, package your meat.
If you really love her, wear a cover.
If you slip between her thighs, don't forget to condomize.
If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.
If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.
Sex will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.
Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.
No glove, no love!
Save embarrassment later, cover your gator.
Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.
She won't get sick if you wrap your dick.
Taking out the trouser mouse? Don't forget his rubber blouse.
The right selection will protect your erection.
Undressing Venus? Dress up your penis!
When being a charmer, a covered dick will never harm her.
When in doubt, shroud your sprout.
When you take off her pants and blouse, you must dress up your trouser mouse.
Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.
You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.
You could get a germ if you don't cover your worm.
You might wind up dead if you don't shield your head.

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: Mrrzy
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 01:51 PM

And all we have down here is Black History Month - I like this one better, somehow... better limericks, or something!

Subject: A limerick...
From: Bernard
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 01:56 PM

There was a young man from Gwent
Whose 'thing' was exceedingly bent.
He got into some trouble
When he put it in double
And instead of coming he went...

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 02:34 PM

Jim Dixon, you the man! Hardi walked in just in time for a full recitation!

Matt-- whatever you pictured, that's NOT what I meant!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: Matt_R
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 03:08 PM

So that means you're NOT suggesting I get some?

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 03:41 PM

MR-- I am suggesting as always that you use your own best thinking and values, sweetie, but encouraging you to think wildly to keep in the forefront of your mind that you are a cute, cuddly, wonderful guy.

My OPINION is that you are best enjoyed in 3D space. I wouldn't pour a fine wine all over my computer, for instance, though I would joke about it at the Tavern. However... people's sexual preferences and activities are clearly not up to me. (BTW, would "cyber" a sexual preference like a gender preference is a preference????)

But wow! If there IS a lot of Mudcat cybersex going on, no WONDER some people get nervous about the RR visiting Mudcat!

Me, I prefer skin. But, whatever!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: mousethief
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 03:45 PM

The RR?

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: Matt_R
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 03:53 PM

You're too funny, Sooz! Best enjoyed in 3d! hahahahahahahah! Good one! I'd like to hide from the f***ing 3D world right now!

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 03:56 PM

'teef, "Religious Right" as abbrevianized in other recent threads.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 04:00 PM

You can get them that glow in the dark too. I suspect that even I would be more than a little put off by a glowing green willy wobbling around.......

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 04:15 PM

Is that why Amos sings about pickles that glow in the dark? (see Mudcat songbook and Mudcat radio Feb. 2000) I thought those were all-natural, organic pickles.

Cybersex, condompickles... I AM slow!

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 04:33 PM

Jim Dixon, those are great. How about

When its time for a tussle, glove your love muscle

When she shouts "come on son!" Have a wrap on your Johnson

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 04:53 PM

When she says "Have your way!" use protection, or pay!

If you can't get enough, carry Trojans, not snuff!

Many a slip twixt cup and lip so use the good ones, lubed, with reservoir tip!

~Oh my!!!

And from someone else at my house who does not offer to be named--

Before boffing the quiff, you must wrap the stiff!

Though bare is so good, Remember-- only you can prevent fatherhood!

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: Matt_R
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 04:54 PM

When you want to clean her, cover your neener

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 05:15 PM

neener?

Jim Dixon....Fantastic job!!!

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 06:45 PM

I must confess, I didn't make these up. The list is a composite of a couple of lists I found on the internet. All I did was tweak a word here and there to improve the rhyme or rhythm.

I saw a similar list years ago, before the Internet. It was on paper -- you might call it Xeroxlore. I remembered a couple of phrases that enabled me to find it again with a search engine. There are lots of copies out there. I'm surprised that this is the THIRD thread on the subject of condoms and no one has posted it before.

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 07 Feb 01 - 07:58 PM

Well the rest of us, I presume, wrote our own!

By now it makes an entire talking blues, and I say it should go in the Songbook.

What say all??

(Do we list Art as author??)

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: Seth
Date: 08 Feb 01 - 04:54 PM

So, what are your plans for celebrating National Condom Month?

Seth from China

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: GUEST
Date: 08 Feb 01 - 06:01 PM

It's always nice to decorate for the holidays, for instance making an attractive centerpiece for the dining room table that is not so big people can't see over it.

And a tip for the delivery person is always apreciated at this time if year too.

Martha Steward

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 08 Feb 01 - 06:29 PM

So is this just condoms or do diaphragms get a mention as well??

As far as I'm aware, they don't come in 'glow in the dark' although to be honest things would be a bloody sight easier afterwards if they did.....

LTS

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: wysiwyg
Date: 08 Feb 01 - 07:00 PM

Yes, LTS, so that when they go shooting across the room we could FIND them. I always thought, tho, that they should bear the following printing: Authorized Personnel Only. Or maybe the international sign, picture with crossed out circle, No Sperm.

If they glowed, they'd make great party favors-- zing!!!

Sigh. I guess women have been left out again. (joke) But actually, there ARE female comdoms-- outer barrier protection-- the idea during Condom Month being disease prevention, I suspect, not preggers prevention.

Unless National Condom Month is just a marketing ploy like Grandparent's Day. Maybe it's just cleverly designed to remind us all to buy the fancy ribbed and variously-accessorized equipment in time for Valentine's Day. After all- why give Belgian chocolate when you can give a french letter? Get them NOW at your local Hallmark (card) store. Half off in March (leftovers), and watch the sell-by date-- handle with care!

BTW, do you have Valentine's Day in the UK? I always enjoyed calling it VD (venereal disease) so making VD = Nat'l Condom Day works fine for me. But a whole MONTH???

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Celebrating Nat'l Condom Month?
From: GUEST,Fibula Mattock
Date: 09 Feb 01 - 06:52 AM

Hmmm, I could send my beloved some for Valentine's Day, but chocolates are cheaper.
Do I pay for sex? Yes, if you include the price of the condom. Let's see.... a packet of 12 for about 9 quid... (Buying in bulk is certainly cheaper, otherwise they're a quid each.) That's at least 75 pence a go! Sex twice a week (the average, isn't it, according to someone's research?) at 75 pence a go is a whopping 78 quid a year. Now take into account the torn ones, the ones that get dropped on the carpet or that someone tries to put on inside-out in a state of darkness and inebriation. Now add on any nights of passion involving multiple numbers of the little blighters (the condoms, not the men). You're talking at least 100 quid a year. It all adds up. As a student I'm supposed to be "fornicating in bedsits" (according to an article I once read in the Daily Mail). How can I possibly afford to on my meagre research grant?