Songs about Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs

Subject: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Akiba
Date: 28 Oct 97 - 04:28 AM

As the Halloween thread appears to be winding down, and since my loverly spouse has proposed the topic of "Sweetness and Light To Throw Up By," how about the great tradition of "Blood and Gore for Amusement," e.g. "FALL RIVER HOEDOWN" AKA "Lizzie Borden"?

Akiba

[Some song titles in this thread have been converted to links by a Mudelf.]

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Helen
Date: 28 Oct 97 - 06:17 PM

I've tried to find WEELA WALLIA in the database, but I can't find it.

She stuck her penknife in the baby's head,
Welia, welia, walia
That was the end of the woman in the wood
And that was the end of the baby too
Down by the river Sawyer(?)

I looked up variations on the spelling of welia, also baby's head, down by the river Sawyer, penknife, etc - can't find it.

Helen

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Bill D
Date: 28 Oct 97 - 06:47 PM

"I HAD A WIFE" and got no good of her...in the Database..

"BLOOD ON THE SADDLE"....

"HE'S NOBODY'S MOGGY NOW"...(squished cat)

"THE BODY IN THE BAG"..(dead cat)

Subject: Lyr Add: THE CHAINSAW KILLER'S LAMENT
From: Earl
Date: 29 Oct 97 - 12:02 AM

Forgive me for posting one of my own compositions but I think this is the thread for it.

THE CHAINSAW KILLER'S LAMENT
(It Seemed to Make Sense at the Time)

I came home from work a little early
And I found a strange car parked outside my door
I found my wife drinking wine in the bedroom
With a stranger I had never seen before
He was wearing my new bathrobe, stretched across the bed
My wife jumped up with nothing on at all
I didn't scream I didn't yell, I just went out to the shed
And I come back with my big McCullach chain saw

chorus:
I guess I should have used better judgment
And foreseen the consequences of my crime
In retrospect I must concede,
It really was a heinous deed
But it seemed to make sense at the time
Yes it seemed to make sense at the time

I put the severed limbs into a trash bag
It's a good thing that I buy the hefty kind
And as I drove I threw the dead meat out the window
I did my best to leave the past behind
Then I stopped in for a burger but before I could even swallow
Police came and dragged me from the scene
I guess I wasn't hard to catch, all they had to do was follow
The trail I left of livers, hearts, and spleens

Chorus

"Society's to blame" said my lawyer
"Nobody ever taught him right from wrong."
But the judge did not agree and he sentenced me to life
I don't think I can stay in jail that long
Then the judge glared down at me and asked me what I had to say
So I suggested something he could eat
And in all the confusion I just grabbed exhibit A
And turned that jury into luncheon meat

chorus

Subject: Lyr Add: WEILE WAILE (trad Irish)
From: Helen
Date: 29 Oct 97 - 02:24 AM

Found it. Guess where. In a good old-fashioned book, which was about 10 feet from my chair. Oh well, luckily my reading skills have improved and not deteriorated since I started using the Internet. ;->

WEILE WAILE

There was an old woman and she lived in the woods
Weile, weile, waile;
There was an old woman and she lived in the woods,
Down by the river Saile

She had a baby three months old
Weile, weile, waile
She had a baby three months old
Down by the river Saile;

She had a penknife long and sharp,
Weile, weile, waile
She had a penknife long and sharp
Down by the river Saile;

She stuck the penknife in the baby's heart
Weile, weile, waile
She stuck the penknife in the baby's heart
Down by the river Saile;

Three policemen and a detective bobby came knocking at the door
Weile, weile, waile
Three policemen and a detective bobby came knocking at the door
Down by the river Saile;

They pulled the rope and she was hung
Weile, weile, waile
They pulled the rope and she was hung
Down by the river Saile;

And that was the end of the woman in the woods
Weile, weile, waile
And that was the end of the baby too
Down by the river Saile.

From Soodlum's Irish Ballad book, Oak Publications, London, 1982.

Ain't word processors terrific? I didn't have to keep typing the same lines over & over, I just used copy & paste, and auto text. It's a pity when people sing long, repetitive, boring songs (not this one, of course) that they don't just shout out "cut & paste!" and then everyone would hear the chorus in their heads and wouldn't have to hear it out loud. Virtual folksinging??

Helen

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Bill D
Date: 29 Oct 97 - 11:03 AM

Helen..
I know people who know so many Child ballads that they don't even have to sing 'em...they just mention a number, and then they can have an hour free to argue over versions...(only a very slight exaggeration..)...still, your idea has enough merit that I may polish that line for a sing sometime..

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: rechal
Date: 29 Oct 97 - 03:24 PM

Seems to me that I've posted these lyrics before in a thread some months ago. But anyway--my nomination for a bloody gory song is one by Patrick Sky. I can't remember the title; I call it "Was A Lousy Baby Anyway." [="OUR BABY DIED LAST NIGHT"]

Our baby died last night
It lived but forty-eight hours
And it cost a hunnert dollars
Was a lousy baby, anyway.

Its head, it turned to mush
It squished between my fingers
Its little blood still lingers
Was a lousy baby anyway.

I forget the rest. (Which is probably just as well.)

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Bert
Date: 29 Oct 97 - 04:10 PM

I don't know a tune for these but we learned them in school.

The boy stood on the railway line
The engine gave a squeal
The engine driver got a spade
and scraped him off the wheel.

Mummy what's that in the road
That looks like bread and jam
Hush dear that's your Father
Run over by a tram.

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: LaMarca
Date: 29 Oct 97 - 07:16 PM

There's Grit Laskin's parody of all the broken token ballads, ANGUS HEMPSTEAD, where the disguised true lover describes his supposed gory demise in such vivid terms his true love becomes violently ill...Then there's the skiers or rock climber's versions of "GORY, GORY (What a Hell of a Way to Die!)":

There was blood upon the bindings,
There were brains upon the skies,
Intestines were entwined around
The tops of all the trees...

Or Tom Lehrer's "THE IRISH BALLAD" (you should never have let me begin, begin)

Mark Gilston once led a song swap at our fall Getaway entitled "Songs of Dismemberment". He collects songs about severed ears; talk about specializing!

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Bill D
Date: 30 Oct 97 - 11:40 AM

and at that very "Songs of Dismemberment" workshop, I sang "FOUR WET PIGS"...(In the Database) a LOVELY little ditty with philosophical implications about destiny and denial.!

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: alison
Date: 31 Oct 97 - 06:29 AM

Hi

Now that Alan has made it possible for people to put tunes in here, can someone please send in the tune for "MRS. RAVOON", I've been wanting to know this since the "Octopus and Flagellation" thread.

By the way, the lyrics never did turn up.

slainte

Alison

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Whippoorwill
Date: 31 Oct 97 - 11:16 AM

One that I remember fondly from Scout camp is "The Worms Crawl In." It's on the database. Another we used to sing, to the tune of "The Old Grey Mare," was:
Great big gobs of green greasy gopher guts,
Green greasy gopher guts,
Green greasy gopher guts.
Great big gobs of green greasy gopher guts,
And me without a spoon!

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: AndyG
Date: 31 Oct 97 - 11:54 AM

Bert,

The version I learned goes:

The Battle Cry of Freedom

The boy stood on the railwy track
The engine gave a squeal

Shouting out the Battle Cry of Freedom

The driver took an oily rag
and wiped him off the wheel.

Shouting out the Battle Cry of Freedom

And it's Hurrah! for Mary
Hurrah! for the Lamb
Hurrah! for the little boy
Who didn't care a little bit
And everywhere that Mary went
The Lamb was sure to go
Shouting out the Battle Cry of Freedom

When the kitchen boiler burst
Father merely sat and cursed

Shouting out the Battle Cry of Freedom

Whilst mother with a show of feeling
Scraped the housmaid off the ceiling

Shouting out the Battle Cry of Freedom

Mummy what's that in the road
That looks like strawberry jam

Shouting out the Battle Cry of Freedom

Hush that's just your Father
Been Run over by a tram.

Shouting out the Battle Cry of Freedom

Billy in his brand new sashes
Fell in the fire and was burned to ashes

Shouting out the Battle Cry of Freedom

But now although the room gets chilly
We haven't the heart to poke poor Billy

Shouting out the Battle Cry of Freedom

AndyG

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Bert
Date: 31 Oct 97 - 11:16 PM

I love it Andy. I seem to remember that last verse from the Penguin book of comic and curious prose and verse.
When I first heard it "Battle cry of freedom" was a bolshie song.

Bert

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Joe Offer
Date: 01 Nov 97 - 03:00 AM

Hey, Andy - is the tune the same as the "Battle Cry of Freedom" in the database?
Bert, what's the Bolshie version of the song?
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Bruce Johnson
Date: 01 Nov 97 - 08:55 AM

Here's one to the tune of "I'm Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover"

Sharp Lawn Mower

I'm running you over with a Sharp Lawn Mower

That I've never used before.

The first blade will cut you, the second will hack,

The third blade will sever your neck from your back.

And then there's no use explaining the one remaining

Won't bother you anymore.

I'm running you over with a Sharp Lawn Mower

That I've never used before.

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Helen
Date: 02 Nov 97 - 04:38 PM

Does anyone know the lyrics of a song sung to the tune of Glory, Glory Halleluiah, about a parachute jumper:

"Glory, Glory what a hell of a way to die And he ain't gonna jump no more"

Something about scraping him off the tarmac like a bucket of strawberry jam.

It is written in a similar way to the Battle Cry of Freedom song.

Helen

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: alison
Date: 02 Nov 97 - 05:33 PM

Hi

He jumped from forty thousand feet without a parachute (x3)

And he ain't gonna jump no more.

Glory, glory what a hell of a way to die (x3)

And he ain't gonna jump no more.

They scraped him off the runway like a lump of strawberry jam........

They put him in an envelope and sent him home to mum....

She put him on the mantelpiece for everyone to see.....

Now when you go to Mammy's house there's strawberry jam for tea.........

(Sung to The Battle Hymn of the Republic.)

Takes me back to my guiding days and teaching this to the brownies.

Slainte

Alison

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Whippoorwill
Date: 04 Nov 97 - 09:23 AM

I've never heard them set to music, but Andy G.'s last verse reminds me of the Little Willie poems.

Little Willie, mean as hell,
Threw his sister down the well.
His mother said, while drawing water,
"My, it's hard to raise a daughter."

Willie, in his thirst for gore,
Nailed his brother to the door;
His father said, with humor quaint,
"Willie, don't. You'll spoil the paint."

Willie found some dynamite.
Didn't understant it, quite.
Curiosity never pays;
It rained Willie seven days.

There are other verses, but I've forgotten them. Maybe Joe or one of the other old-timers *grin* can come up with some more.

Subject: Lyr Add: DUMMY LINE
From: Joe Offer
Date: 04 Nov 97 - 12:14 PM

I guess my song got erased in the reorganization, so here it is again. As you can see, my Willie is a victim, while Whip's Willie is a perpetrator. I think I'll put my victim verse at the end and sing it as a musical morality play. Anybody got more Willie verses?

Little Willie Jones, fell down the elevator
There they found him, six months later
They held their noses, and said, "Gee whiz
What a spoiled child our little Willie is."

Ridin' ridin' ridin on the dummy, dummy line
Rain or shine I'll pay my fine
Rain or shine I'll pay my fine
Ridin' ridin' ridin on the dummy, dummy line

And I am not THAT old, Whip.
-Joe Offer, age under 50 (barely)-

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Jerry Friedman
Date: 05 Nov 97 - 05:31 PM

The four-leafed-clover parody I learned in college started

I'm looking over
My dead dog Rover,
That I over-ran with the mow'r.

Sorry (sort of) that I don't remember the rest.

Subject: Lyr Add: I'M LOOKING OVER MY DEAD DOG ROVER
From: Joe Offer
Date: 06 Nov 97 - 02:36 AM

Great song, Jerry. Here's the rest:

1.
I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
Lying on the bathroom floor
One leg is busted, another is sprained
The third got run over by my CocoPuff train
No use explaining the parts remaining
You've seen them all before
That's why I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
Lying on the bathroom floor

2.
I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
That I overran with the mower
One leg is mangled, the other is gone
The third leg is scattered all over the lawn
No use explaining the one remaining
It's stuck to the kitchen door
I'm looking over my dead dog Rover
That I overran with the mower

(from "The Prairie Home Companion Folk Song Book")
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Susan of DT
Date: 06 Nov 97 - 08:44 PM

Lamarca, helen, Alison... We have a number of the 'gory' songs - skier, climber, etc. Search for Gory and you get a collection of them. It looks like the "Super Skier" I entered long ago (as Gory, Gory (Ski)) is missing the best part about two one-legged skiers continuing down the hill after the encounter with the tree. But it was from the IOCA (Intercollegiate Outing Clubs of America) songbook and they should be the authority on outdoor parodies up to the book's publication in 1952.

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 07 Nov 97 - 04:34 PM

Willie and three other brats
Ate up all the Rough-On-Rats.
Papa said when mama cried
"Don't worry, dear, they'll die outside."

Little Willie, in bows and sashes
Fell in the fire and got burned to ashes.
Nowadays, when the weather gets chilly
Nobody likes to poke up Willie.

Little Willie, from the mirror,
Licked the mercury all off
Thinking in his childish error
It would cure the whooping cough
At the funeral willie's mother
Sadly said to Mrs. Brown
'Twas a chilly day for Willie
When the mercury went down.

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Moira Cameron
Date: 07 Nov 97 - 11:09 PM

I'm presently in the studio mixing my second album. The studio engineer is a person who has never come in contact with the type of music that I do; that is, traditional folk songs and ballads. I guess I've become somewhat immune to the amount of violence and gore described in these songs that I so love. His comments, all in good humour of course, have caused me to see them from another perspective.

How about 'Lady Diamond' for an ultra gory ballad. Her father orders his men to murder and mutilate her lover, and then she is presented with his heart in a cup of gold. I guess I can't really call my album "Family Entertainment"; or maybe it is, considering the number of dysfunctional families out there. Of course, the songs listed by others on this discussion that are invented by children are much more graphic.

Oh well, as long as it's all for fun!

Subject: Lyr Add: SUPER SKIER + SUPER SKIER'S LAST RACE
From: GUEST,Colin Smith
Date: 13 May 04 - 07:24 AM

I learned two super skier songs as a child from my mothers old Bob Gibson vinyl "Ski Songs"...

SUPER SKIER
They called him super skier as he sat around the sundeck,
and he swore that he'd never spill.
When they finally took him down they had to use three toboggans
to carry all the pieces down the hill

(ch)Oh he was slippin' down the slope going ninety miles an hour
when he caught an edge of his ski.
Oh his clothes they were fast, but the slopes they were faster,
that's the last of super skier we shall see

He hollered "What the hell!" as he put'em paralell
He figured he had nothin' else to learn
As he started on his way he was shouting "Andile!" (sp?)
Assumin' that he'd never have to turn

(Ch Variant)
Oh he was slippin' down the slope going ninety miles an hour
When a mogul flipped him in the air
His jumping form was fine, till he ran into a pine,
And two one-legged skiers left from there

(ch)
When he left the tree at last, he was skiing twice as fast
Both halves were skimming moguls like a feather
He said "If I must be a split personality,
How can I ever keep my knees together?"
(ch)
One ski was headed east, the other headed west
'cause both of them, you see, were running free-er
The folks on Little Nell, they looked up as scared as hell
said " It's a bird, no a plane? It's super skier!"
(ch)
Well, the moral of my story, tho' my story's kinda gory,
is very simple even to a dope.
Buy the fastest clothes you can, and talk skiing like a man
But don't let people catch you on the slope!
(Ch)

SUPER SKIER'S LAST RACE
(Tune: Battle Hymn of the Republic/ John Browns Body)

The starter cried "Is everybody ready for the race?"
Our super skier shouted "Yes!", and kick turned into place
He boldly waved to all his friends, a smirk upon his face.
Well he ain't gonna race no more
(ch)
Gory, gory... what a hell of a way to die
(x3, or with two of the variant lines following)
... whos's that nitwit trying to fly
...it's enough to make you cry
...it's a sport I'll never try
Well, he ain't gonna race no more

He yawned at his opponents, said the race was good as won.
He'd ski the course blindfolded just to add a little fun
With bandaged eyes he jetted off till his binding came undone
Well he ain't gonna race no more
(ch)
He felt the wind, he felt the cold, he felt the sudden drop
He tried to stem, he tried to check, and then he tried to stop
His fatal error dawned on him...he shoulda stayed up top
Well he ain't gonna race no more
(ch)
He hit each pole that set the course and twelve spectators too
Came roaring through the finish wearin' garlands of bamboo
Two were killed and four were hurt and six were black and blue
Well he ain't gonna race no more
(ch)
There was blood upon his bindings, there were brains upon his suit
Intestines were a-hangin' from the treetops to the roots
They scraped him up from off the snow and poured him from his boots
And he ain't gonna race no more
(ch)
They took him to the hospital and fixed him up real great,
But took off all his arms and legs, a sad and lonely fate
Now he's working in an office, hired as a paper weight
And he ain't gonna race no more
(ch)
So skiers take my warning, lest you by a pair of skis
Why take a chance on cracking up, or risking a deep freeze?
There are quicker, slicker ways to go, all guaranteed to please
And we ain't gonna ski no more
(Final chorus end with last line of last verse)

Subject: Lyr Add: THE ATROCITY SONG
From: JennyO
Date: 13 May 04 - 08:32 AM

We have a session at Balmain (in Sydney) on the 1st and 3rd Tuesdays, at the Riverview Pub, and we have found that having a theme for each session prompts people to dig deep and find songs other than the old favourites.

Recently our theme was "Blood and Gore", so I went looking in the DT and found this. It went down rather well, with everybody stomping in the appropriate places:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE ATROCITY SONG

Burn the town and kill the people
Throw a baby from a steeple
rob and steal and what we take will
Aid our victory.

We will mutilate the dying
Scalp the wounded, skin the crying
Burn their barns and while they're frying
We'll sit down to tea.

From the highest roof top (stomp stomp)
You shall hear a pin drop (stomp stomp)
We came down, wiped out the town
Made off with all the livestock and the corn crop (stomp stomp)

Rob and kill and give no quarter
Piss into the drinking water
Kill the fathers rape the daughters
Rangers All Are We!

This is another "Ranger Song" from the American Revolution Bicentennial.
Again, it is of modern origin with an ancient tune.
(Sung to Men of Harlech)
@parody @war
filename[ ATROCIT
TUNE FILE: HARLCH

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Hrothgar
Date: 14 May 04 - 06:15 AM

Little Willie, with a shout,
Gouged the baby's eyeballs out;
Jumped on them to make them pop.
Mother shouted, "Willie! Stop!"

Little Willie, with a grin
Took to drinking Mother's gin.
When Mother saw her Willie plastered,
She said, "You rotten little boy!"

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 03:01 PM

Willie in one of his bright new sashes,
Fell in the fire and was burned to ashes.
And even though the room grows chilly,
We haven't the heart to poke poor Willie.

Willie built a guilotine,
Tried it out on sister Jean.
When his mother got the mop,
She said, "These messy games must stop."

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: GUEST
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 03:08 PM

This is the version of the song I learned before I heard the real lyrics:

May I see the glory of the burning of the school,
We've tortued every teacher and we've broken every rule,
We've hid in every corner of the dirty, rotten school,
The class is marching on.

Glory glory halleluliah,
Teacher hit me with a ruler,
We met her at the door with a loaded 44,
And she ain't gonna teach no more.

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Charley Noble
Date: 22 Feb 06 - 04:51 PM

The Willie Mirror Blues

Willie had a mirror, he ate the back all off,
Willie had a mirror, he ate the back all off,
Willie had a mirror, he ate the back all off,
Thinking wildly in his terror it would cure his whooping cough!

Some days later Willie's mother smiling said to Mrs. Brown,
Some days later Willie's mother smiling said to Mrs. Brown,
Some days later Willie's mother smiling said to Mrs. Brown,
"It was a chilly day for Willie when the mercury went down!"

Cheerily,
Charley Ignoble

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Mo the caller
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 06:01 AM

Piggy on the Railway, picking up stones
Along came a train and broke piggy's bines
Oh said piggy, Thats not fair
Oh said the engine driver, I dont care

At least 2 of the Willie rhymes ("fell in the fire" and "mercury went down" were in G.K.chesterton's Cautionary Tales.

He jumped without a parachute...
They're looking for the WRAF who tied a love knot in his chute
And he aint gonna jump no more.
They poured him into his coffin like a tin of tomato soup....

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: Purple Foxx
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 06:06 AM

"When you grow to old to scream i'll still have you to dismember."

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: EBarnacle
Date: 23 Feb 06 - 01:45 PM

And here I thought this thread was going to be about Gilbert and Sullivan's "Ruddigore."

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: GUEST,Ant
Date: 27 Jul 12 - 11:06 AM

Hello all,

Some of these have been around a long time - I've just found this:
http://www.poetrykit.org/pkl/tw2/pg16.htm

Regards Ant

Subject: RE: Bloody Gore -- But Just For Laughs
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 27 Jul 12 - 12:30 PM

re: Ruddigore
Originally it was named Ruddygore; renamed to placate those who thought it sounded too much like Bloody Goreo and objected to the word "Bloody"
One one ocasion, someone asked Gilbert haw his operetta 'Bloodygore' was doing.
Gilbert corrected him.
Questioner responded, "same thing"
Gilbert retorted (memorably)," No. If I say 'I admire your ruddy countenance, which I do', it's not the same as my saying "I like your bloody cheek, which I don't."