BS: G.A.S. Prevention Tips

Subject: G.A.S. Prevention Tips
From: Bedubya
Date: 07 Apr 01 - 11:49 AM

In the interest of the public health of Mudcatters everywhere, we have compiled the following list of suggestions to aid in the prevention and cure of that most dreaded of acoustic musician diseases, Guitar Acquisition Syndrom, or G.A.S. for short. As this is an ongoing project, we welcome comments and suggestions from fellow researchers and sufferers.

The next time you are struck by an inexplicable desire to purchase yet another guitar, try one of the following:

1)Take $150.00 (US) to Ida's Legal Forms and get the necessary papers for a no-fault non-contested divorce. Fill out everything except Spouse's Signature. Place a Post-It-Note over where Spouse's Signature goes with the message "To be signed in the event that one more guitar finds its way into this house!". Post prominently.

2) Instead of another expensive guitar, buy a cheapo of something you don't know how to play. This is NOT guaranteed to work. I once fought off a G.A.S. attack by buying a $100.00 five-string banjo instead. Unfortunately, I actually learned how to play the damned thing so I had to go buy a better one for $500.00 a few months later. Now I hear Geoff Stelling talking to me in my sleep saying, "Staghorn, Staghorn".

3) Swear off Folkism and play electric guitar instead of acoustic. Then, when you get the urge to create new sounds, you can just go buy the latest $50.00 effects pedal instead of a whole new guitar. Unfortunately, your spouse will wonder whatever happened to the sensitive folkie she/he married and will file for a divorce.

4) Play nothing but Bluegrass. This is not meant to malign Bluegrass in any way, it's just that, unlike any other acoustic music genre, there is uniform agreement on exactly what constitutes the ultimate guitar. That is, of course, a pre-war Martin D-28 Herringbone. (Do you think Lester Flatt would have been caught dead playing a Breedlove?) Simply find one for sale, sell off a few unnecessary items like the car, the house, any food you may have accumulated and buy the thing. Then, as long as you stick with hard-core 'Grass you'll never need another guitar. If the desire to play any other style rears its ugly head, just drink South Carolina moonshine until it goes away.

5) Get really good or really famous and manufacturers will give guitars to you! They'll even name 'em after you! If you're really good like Ed Gerhard or Leo Kottke then Breedlove and Taylor will name nice acoustics after you. If you are merely famous but really suck like Slash from Guns N' Roses or Ace Freeley from Kiss, Gibson will name overpriced Les Paul models after you. If you are the most inventive electric guitarist since Jimi Hendrix, nobody will name a guitar after you, but they will do so with a recently discovered dinosaur.

These are all of the techniques our research has uncovered to date. Input form other researchers is greatly appreciated.

Cheers'

bwl

Subject: RE: BS: G.A.S. Prevention Tips
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 07 Apr 01 - 11:55 AM

Great thread!

You could just hand your money over to your wife, like I do.

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: G.A.S. Prevention Tips
From: Amergin
Date: 07 Apr 01 - 12:39 PM

I hope you were taking notes, Rick....

Subject: RE: BS: G.A.S. Prevention Tips
From: Midchuck
Date: 07 Apr 01 - 12:59 PM

Why prevent it?

If I have money available after paying for food and shelter and keeping the never-to-be-sufficiently-goddamned government off my back, I can either stick it in the bank, or spend it.

If I stick it in the bank, I have a sense of security if I have problems in the future, but I'm not going to get any present enjoyment out of it.

If I spend it on booze or drugs, I'll mess up my system.

If I spend it on cars or computers, they'll lose most of their value in a very short time.

I have no interest whatever in expensive clothes or furniture or like that.

If I buy good quality instruments, and take good care of them, they'll keep most of their value, and possibly eventually appreciate, and I can sell them off if I need more money to live - but meanwhile I have them to play with.

Makes sense to me.

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: G.A.S. Prevention Tips
From: Justa Picker
Date: 07 Apr 01 - 02:19 PM

I'm at the point now, with my collection, where if I want something new (old), I have to give up (sell) something within the collection. She may have nipped my G.A.S. in the bud for me, as there is nothing at this point in time I would consider parting with. (Kills my hopes of a late 40s D-18.....unless.....I got one and kept it at a friend's indefinitely and went to visit it every so often...hmmmm ....wheels are turning.) :-)

Subject: RE: BS: G.A.S. Prevention Tips
From: Bedubya
Date: 07 Apr 01 - 03:46 PM

Peter (Midchuck)

You do, I hope, realize that the above "suggestions" are merely stabs at humor by a bored/sick mind. It should be patently obvious that none of them will really work!

Your comments are, in fact, a perfect statement of my true feelings on the subject. If you don't believe me, ask my wife! She's heard me say the very same things about fifteen times so far, and hasn't left yet.

Meanwhile...a "tip" I forgot to include in the original list:

6) Learn a new tuning. It's kinda like having a new guitar....for a while. Until you decide that you REALLY like the new tuning and want to keep a guitar tuned that way all the time so you don't have to hassle with retuning. Then you can go shopping and really piss off the guys in the music store by changing the tunings on a wall full of guitars while trying them out. With enough practice, you can even justify having one guitar for Open D tuning and one for DADGAD.

(Explanatory note for those who don't play guitar in altered tunings: Open D tuning and DADGAD are identical except for the tuning of the third string and that is only the half-step difference between F# and G. "Needing" separate guitars for these two tunings would be the ultimate in bullshitting oneself.....No, wait a minute Open D's a good tuning for slide, so you would need a guitar with higher action....Oh Hell! Here we go again.)

More cheers,

bwl

Subject: RE: BS: G.A.S. Prevention Tips
From: catspaw49
Date: 07 Apr 01 - 04:43 PM

Be flatass, stone cold, and completely.........BROKE! Throw in a shitload of medical bills and the like, and I can assure you that even the purchase of new strings becomes a severely budgeted item, let alone G.A.S. ..........'Course it doesn't stop the dreaming....................

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: G.A.S. Prevention Tips
From: Philibuster
Date: 07 Apr 01 - 07:39 PM

"What do you need another guitar for?." "It's a classical mother, not a folky like I've got." "You need to figure out the one you have." "The one I have I can't do the kind of music I want to play without severely injuring myself." "Well why don't you just put nylon strings on it?" "Because that would be a crime against nature, and a good classical has a different sound. Not to mention the one I have isn't a cutaway, it doesn't play comfortably in the really high frets." "You're brothers house needs roofed..." "I have the money now." "Roof his house, then we'll talk..."

The ultimate prevention, an anal mother.

I can't wait till I'm 18.

Subject: RE: BS: G.A.S. Prevention Tips
From: Bugsy
Date: 07 Apr 01 - 09:01 PM

I thought you were referring to the "Guinness Appreciation Society".

CHeers

Bugsy

Subject: RE: BS: G.A.S. Prevention Tips
From: Bedubya
Date: 11 Apr 01 - 01:49 PM

Just refreshing.

Yes, this is the thread referred to in Catspaw's "BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU POST..." thread.

Be careful anyway.

Bruce (Formerly bwl - no longer in cognito)

Subject: RE: BS: G.A.S. Prevention Tips
From: Sorcha
Date: 11 Apr 01 - 10:53 PM

(whinge.....)Why does no one ever complain/discuss FAS? Fiddle Acqusition Syndrome? After all, I only have 3 now. My Other Fiddler Dana has 16........I found good homes for mine.

Now, I do admit that WhAs......(whistle syndrome)is easier on the budget to satisfy, but does that make it any less addicting? I didn't think so........especially when you go looking for a Low D...........

Maybe we should be discussing IAS........Instrument Acquistion Syndrome. That would also explain why they tend to stalk us, and creep up on us.......

Could IAS (eeeass) be related to Eyeyore? or Egor? Oh, save us all....