BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....

Subject: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Naemanson
Date: 13 May 01 - 10:50 PM

There is a special terror for the parent of a child learning to drive. I'm not talking of the terror of knowing how close they are to injury or death while behind the wheel, though that is part of it.

I speak of the helpless feeling you get as you sit in the passenger seat and try so hard to show confidance in their driving ability; as you try not to shriek in fear; as you control the automatic flinch away from the oncoming parked cars, pedestrians and other targets out there in the road.

Here in Maine a child can get a learning permit at 16 and a driver's license at 17. Tonight, returning from a movie, was my (17 year old) daughter's first experience in driving after dark. She encountered well marked roads, and then unmarked roads. There were parked cars and moving cars. There were cars behind us and coming at us.

And I sat there exuding a confidence I did not feel, trying bravely to keep up a conversation and calmly, rationally point out minor corrections to help her improve. And no point did I scream "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" and fling out my arms in a fruitless attempt to protect myself though I felt like I had to all the way home. I was a good boy. I cannot go to hell when I die for I have gained too many karma points for these driving excursions.

Sorry, but I had to tell someone.

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: CarolC
Date: 13 May 01 - 11:04 PM

Good for you Naemanson!

You did a much better job than me. I had to leave that job to my son's father. I've been in too many car accidents to be able to be a good driving instructor. In fact, my son and I both agreed that I was probably the world's worst driving instructor.

Good luck with the rest of it.

Carol

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Rick Fielding
Date: 13 May 01 - 11:12 PM

"Sorry, but I had to tell someone."

Glad you did Brett. Duckboots still won't learn to drive...but if she does....I'm hirin' someone!

Rick

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: katlaughing
Date: 13 May 01 - 11:31 PM

Did better than me, too. I didn't teach any of my kids. I found the idea way too frighteningly dangerous in New England, so many "hidden driveways", etc. The two older ones did come out a couple of times to the wide open spaces of the West where grandma was quite brave. The youngest learned here in the West, but not from me. Funny thing though, all of the rules that my parents taught me about the road, my kids did get from me, as we clocked so many miles together, with me in the driver's seat, sharing those rules.

I now feel fairly comfortable riding with each of them; although I'd still prefer to be the driver!:-)

kat

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: dick greenhaus
Date: 13 May 01 - 11:36 PM

biggest problem I've found in teaching kids to drive (my youngest started off on empty iced-over supermarket parking lots at the age of eleven and now races sports cars sucessfully some 25 years later) is that they come back to borrow your car or pieces therof once they're grown.

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: GUEST,Caitrin
Date: 13 May 01 - 11:55 PM

Wow. You've got my dad beat hands down. I remember lots of exclamations of "Slow down!" and "Watch what you're doing!" and simply "KATE!!!!" or "HEY!!!!". Dad was awful. Of course, he hates riding with -anyone-, being of the opinion that he is the only person on the face of the earth who can competently operate a car.

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Amergin
Date: 14 May 01 - 12:00 AM

I was scared to learn how to drive...woudl rather walk, hitchhike, ride public transit....anything but learn to drive a bleeding car....I didn't learn until I was 23....now I can't imagine life without a car...

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Matt_R
Date: 14 May 01 - 12:06 AM

My sister is learning to drive (well, BOTH of them are) but I am laid back as usual. Even though she's tried to kill me a time or two! Lol!

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 14 May 01 - 12:12 AM

Yes, the terror is the nerves of the "instructor" passing on to the driver.

Jon

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Metchosin
Date: 14 May 01 - 01:22 AM

LOL Naemanson, a brave man you are, I recall that fear. I taught my eldest daughter because she was so determined to drive, she managed somehow to push on, despite the invisible brake pedal on the passenger side and my feeble attempt to hide the flinches.

The lessons were further complicated one day during a session on the back hill roads here, when practising gear changes. As the engine began to lug, I held my breath and silently, mentally urged her to gear down by spasmodic body jerks, but the engine continued to lug. Finally I blurted out "For gawds sake change gears! "I can't!" she cried, and raised her hand with a disconnected stick shift held aloft.

Despite the rough beginnings, she has worked as an automobile courier at one time and also managed to navigate the Autobahn and the streets of Paris, Milan and Genoa for three weeks last summer and is probably a far better driver than either her father or I.

Having observed the joys of "driving lessons" with Mummy, my youngest daughter chose a Driving School.

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Seamus Kennedy
Date: 14 May 01 - 01:47 AM

Naemanson, I taught my two sons to drive and can identify completely. I have one suggestion - Depends!

Seamus

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Joe Offer
Date: 14 May 01 - 02:35 AM

My daughter learned to drive at the age of 16, and my ex insisted that my daughter should have a late-model car so she could drive to school safely. We ended up buying a new car for her to drive, but it got sold as part of the divorce settlement. My daughter quit driving soon after high school, and she's now 25. She said she was glad that she could stop driving. She didn't quite know what to do at intersections, so she just closed her eyes and glided through them....
Whew!
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 14 May 01 - 04:04 AM

My son was hailed as a "natural" by his driving instructor; and, I have to admit, he wasn't bad. Not too unnerving for me. But as my daughter approached 17 (min. age in the UK), she expressed no interest in learning to drive: very disturbing. Though not a disturbing as the alternative, we thought. And then one day she admitted what she really had in mind was to get a motorbike ... Maybe I'll wake up and this will all have been a bad dream!Steve

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: DancingMom
Date: 14 May 01 - 07:38 AM

Whew! Going through that now with my eldest. We've been working on it (baby steps) for a year now. We started in parking lots and residential streets. She's doing MUCH better now;almost sideswiped a red sports car in our neighborhood once. Got a little squirrely another time and drove up onto the sidewalk with her father and siblings coming home from church. Sibs haven't let her forget THAT one. I used to get a cramp in my right leg from pressing an imaginary brake pedal on the passenger side. But she is doing better. This, too, shall pass. Good luck, and Godspeed. Sharon

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: JulieF
Date: 14 May 01 - 08:08 AM

I've got it all to come in another year (17 in Britain). At the moment I'm just fretting that the relationship with the boyfriend is just a litle too intense when she should be studying. I forgot about the drivng thing next year. At least I woun't have to sit in the front with her - as I don't drive myself.

Good luck to all at this stage.

Julie

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: SINSULL
Date: 14 May 01 - 08:22 AM

My nephew was just re-living driving instructions with his mom. Had me in tears. She braced one hand on the ceiling, the other on the seat, and continually slammed on a non-existant brake pedal all the while saying "You're doing fine". She tried to teach me in my early twenties. When she said "Turn right here." I did - right up onto a lawn with a bay window. The man sitting in the window almost had a heart attack. Then I took lessons.

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: kendall
Date: 14 May 01 - 08:26 AM

I taught all 3 of my daughters, and, there was only one accident which was attributable to one of them. She rammed a gas pump. The worst part for me was knowing I was looking at a milestone on their road to independence. It was hard for me to watch them grow up. God, how I miss my little girls.

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Dave (the ancient mariner)
Date: 14 May 01 - 08:36 AM

In the UK you have to put a sign "L" plates on your car. By identifying "Learners" other drivers usually make allowances for them; and are more prepared for strange manouvers or sudden stops. Unless you get a marked Instructors car, there is no such requirement in North America. Of course the way people are so ignorant and agressive when driving probably would not make much difference here. (Makes me wonder if they would just "Target" learners) Fortunately, in Nova Scotia we still have some of the "old fashioned courtesy minded drivers" although that is rapidly changing too. Yours, Aye. Dave

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: gnu
Date: 14 May 01 - 08:37 AM

After my father passed, my mother finally worked up the courage at age 58 to learn to drive and I, RELUCTANTLY, agreed to teach her. She was very nervous and every time I made a comment or suggestion, she became defensive and gave me attitude. I had to do it - honest, I had no choice... I told her to give up and sell Dad's car because she would never learn.

About six weeks later, she drove up, got out, waved her license in my face and drove off. I was as proud as any parent.

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Matt_R
Date: 14 May 01 - 08:38 AM

The Fear
It's closer every year
The Fear...
The Fear is getting near..

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Naemanson
Date: 14 May 01 - 09:07 AM

Thanks all.

I had to share this with someone and I won't let the kids know what I am going through until they are competant, safe drivers. Once the younger gets there I will share but now might damage her growing confidence.

I keep repeating to myself that this is in her future. I will have my revenge. When they have kids learning to drive I expect to hear from them about how nervous they are. Then I can let them know that they are right where they should be on the issue.

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Whistle Stop
Date: 14 May 01 - 09:15 AM

I taught my daughter to drive last year, and then took her to the registry for her driving test. She did great, and is a very good driver. Guess I had it easy, but my biggest memory of this is a pleasant one -- being part of my little girl's rite of passage (she lives with her Mom most of the time, so being part of these moments is especially meaningful for me). She's graduating high school in a couple of weeks, and will be off to college in the fall, so I'm spending a lot of time in "proud Dad" mode these days.

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From:
Date: 14 May 01 - 09:18 AM

Bennet Cerf once said I get 4 miles to the gallon in my automobile, and my teenage son gets the other 20"
I taught a (surrogate) step daughter.
One day at temporary traffic lights our car was pliterally 2 seconds longer getting into gear and the idiot behind started leabning on the horn.
Despite my direct visual answers and the "L" plates prominently displayed.
I counselled her "It's your decision, you have a leathful weapon in your hands and when they asked why you crashed, his horn will have disappeared along with him"
her mother did report that any time she was hassled she just shouts at the driver "Its MY decision buddy"
She was a model pupil if a bit timid at times
I couldn't have done it with her brother and he is no hothead.

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: MMario
Date: 14 May 01 - 09:33 AM

I was taught to drive @ sixteen by a 14 year old. Stick shift manual transmission - farm truck. By the time I reached driver ed I'd been driving the farm truck for two years. My major problem was getting used to automatic transmissions - (the driver ed class had one manual, one automatic - but my parents had automatics) I would "clutch" the automatics and about one in ten times would hit the emergency brake pedal!

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: catspaw49
Date: 14 May 01 - 10:05 AM

Well Brett......I wish you luck!!! When my friend Linda took her daughter to a parking lot on the hill behind the Children's Services building where she worked on a Sunday, she thought it was a safe place. Sadly, her daughter panicked a bit and got confused/disoriented and floored the gas instead of the brake, sending Linda's new Honda Accord through/across the old stone wall at the edge of the lot.........and down the hill..........and shooting across the back driveway..........and crashing into the building........even damaging the office inside where they hit...............which was Linda's!!! Luckily and thankfully neither was hurt but the Honda spent a month in the shop.

My best friend in high school had one of the funniest Dad's I ever met. I always loved Charley's sense of humor and his ability to have a great line at the right time. Mike was unsuccessfully practicing parallel parking and asked Charley how his latest effort was. Charley opened the passenger door,looked out, and said, "Hey, this looks pretty good. I can walk to the curb from here." They were out driving and Mike went off the road a bit and typically had a hard time recovering but managed to get things back together. He apologized and asked Charley if he had scared him. Charley replied, "No not really. I guess these are just nicotine stains in the back of my U-Trou."

I wasn't quite as controlled when I had Adam out on his first driving excursion. The road narrowed at a bridge and after we crossed Adam cut back a bit quickly slamming into a curb which blew the tire and bent the rim and sent the van back to the right where we clipped a sign, taking off the mirror. He got it stopped in a parking area and I just sat there trying to "maintain an even strain." I reached in my wallet, gave him a card and a quarter and told him to go call Piper's for a wrecker. After he was out of earshot, I surveyed the damage and screamed and cussed for about 5 minutes........it helped.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: RichM
Date: 14 May 01 - 10:41 AM

Never, Never, Never teach a family member to drive. Send them to a driving school. Saves your nerves- and theirs too!

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 14 May 01 - 10:51 AM

Dad taught me to drive when I was about 24 (old enought to know better?). He was the most nervous passenger I've ever had in the 25 years I've been driving. You know how it is when you're sitting on the wrong side of the car, and everything seems way too close? I was going down a fairly narrow urban street with cars parked on each side. And the occasional oncomer, when I'd move in slightly. Dad actually hid his face in his hands! When he reappeared he said, "do you know how close you were to that car?" Seeing I had a nice straight raod and nothing coming towars me, I took my hands off the wheel and held them about 2 feet apart and said, "that far!" I though he was going to have a fit!

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: katlaughing
Date: 14 May 01 - 01:44 PM

Mom and dad both taught me. Long before I'd reached 15 & 3/4ths, mom would let me practise backing the car up our long driveway, then drive back up to the house. We had a "lower 40" (field) where dad took my sisters and taught them. They were a bit more timid than bet and me.

Bet was a very brave big sister. I passed my driving test with flyng colours, even relishing the parallel parking. The summer I was 16, she had had her daughter that February. Anyway, she had one of the first Mustangs to ever come out, in that gorgeous turquiose blue with embossed seats and all. She actually let me take her car and go cruise the strip, sometimes with her baby (my niece) with me! (Of course, I cannot remember if she actually knew that I'd taken the baby with me.) Anyway it was a HOT car and I loved it whenever she let me drive it. She's just sent it off to California with that same daughter, who has polished it up and is showing it off.

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Mrrzy
Date: 14 May 01 - 01:57 PM

The special fear I had was kinda like Gnu's, my mon decided to learn to drive after Dad was killed (I think my sisters and I would have been happier with the stereotypical gigolo instead). None of us would even try to teach her, she went to school, learned to drive, got her driver's license, and promptly burned it. Now she's back to claiming she doesn't know how to drive, and we're all a lot happier on the DC roads.

I learned to drive a stick-shift too, and also have occasional trouble remembering about automatics. I have stopped pressing my foot to the carpet where the clutch isn't any more, bus I sometimes go the wrong way (forward) when trying to back out of somewhere. I mean, it's an automatic, isn't it? Shouldn't it know I want to back up now?

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: GUEST,Amos
Date: 14 May 01 - 02:12 PM

Been there, buddy!!! Barky kept hollering at me to take my hand off the E-brake!!! But we worked it out. I justhad to convince her to humor me!!:>)

The best thing I did for her was take her up to the dirt parking lot outside the HS football field and have her floor it. She got the feel of skids and slides and what maximum acceleration feels like, and got it out of her system. She's been a model driver, even though she trims all her slows and such down considerably shorter than mine, so I still find my hand hovering over that brake!

Regards,

A

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Mary in Kentucky
Date: 14 May 01 - 02:24 PM

I taught three teenagers to drive, their dad was totally useless, couldn't take the stress. I could relax on the first day when my daughter was driving (she drives like me, sensible, moderate), but I still hate to ride with my boys. They never seemed to grasp the concept that there is something between accelerate and brake (called coasting). They're almost 28 now and served plenty of time in traffic school to work off speeding tickets without losing points on their driver's licenses. One son obseverd, "Ya know Mom, I looked around at the class, and the 18-25 year old male population was well represented!"

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Naemanson
Date: 14 May 01 - 02:27 PM

I think I was not clear on something. My daughter did go to driving school. She is in the time span where she is gaining the experience she will need to take the test and then, after she passes, go out for her first solo.

Her older sister did fine. But there was another special feeling when I watched her drive away alone for the first time. A mix of pride, and fear.

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: BRG
Date: 14 May 01 - 03:13 PM

We have somehow managed to get three of five behind the wheel so far. This amazes me no end - these are children who cannot handle the intricasies of replacing an empty toilet paper roll.

When our oldest was out for the first time he demonstrated that, although he had passed the permit test, he didn't quite grasp all the concepts. On the highway, slowing for a left hand turn across oncoming traffic, and stated loudly to his mother, "Those cars better stop because I'm turning!"

Bruce

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: CamiSu
Date: 14 May 01 - 05:48 PM

I learned to drive in the old Willey's jeep whenI was 14. Trouble was that the seat didn't move and my legs are short. So I would let off the clutch, the car would move forward, I would slide back, my feet would come off the pedals, the car would slow, I would slide forward, etc, until it all damped out and we were in motion. I have since learned to put a pile of towels behind me when I drive that vehicle.

Since then I have lived through two of my own learning to drive. Josh did real well and got his license just in time to take all the teens home from opera strike. Jessica, on the other hand took the test several times and was 17 when she got her license. She is still a bit abrupt, but has negotiated the L.A. highway area freeways, though her favorite time to do so was at 2 a.m.

However, I do distinctly understand the fear. I have twice gotten the message "there's been an accident". It's scarey, even when it is followed by "I'm fine". And the insurance company does take a dim view of two totals in two years...

CamiSu

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Naemanson
Date: 14 May 01 - 05:50 PM

How about those phone calls that start with "I'm OK but..."?

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: JeZeBeL
Date: 15 May 01 - 02:14 PM

My mum wouldn't let my dad teach me to drive as she knew we'd rip each others throats out before we got to the end of the drive!! She was probably right aswell!!

I had a private driving insructor who was really good. We had a laugh in the car, she'd make me drive tot he florists to pick up some flowers, it was just like driving a friend around really.

Well I passed my test, just over two years ago, and since then I've only allowed my dad in my car as a passenger twice!! The first time he made me drive him and my brother to Scarborough for the day, and had me in tears before we got to the petrol station a mile down the road, by which time I was ready to get out of the car, scream at him, tell him where to shove it and walk home!! The second time I nearly got out the car before we left the street!!

YOu see he does this and then he tells me I'm a good driver.......hello?......does that actually make any sense to anyone?

The thing is, I hate being told what to do in the car as it distracts me and I get VERY VERY nervous as I was the passenger in a very bad car crash 3 years ago, (right in the middle of learning to drive). I swore I would never set foot in anything that had wheels and a motor again. So as you can imagine it was very difficult and painful for me to get back in the car and carry on driving lessons. So the last thing I need is my dad telling me things I already know AND am in the process of trying to do as he is pointing fingures at things on the dashboard etc and distracting me.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Sorry.

I've finished my little rant now.

Emma xxx

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: MMario
Date: 15 May 01 - 02:27 PM

My Dad learned that when he rides with one of his kids as a passenger - he sits in the back. that way he *knows* his view is skewed and doesn't react. as much.

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: JeZeBeL
Date: 15 May 01 - 02:29 PM

That's a very good idea. Unfortunately my dad can't do that as he needs the leg room in the front of the car as he has arthritis.

Emma xxx

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 17 May 01 - 09:18 AM

Pardon the thread creep, but ...
I know you can start learning to drive at 16 in the US, and I see above that you don't have 'L' plates like in the UK. Do you have to have insurance (i.e. for when you hit a car or pedestrian), and is it very cheap for youngsters? And is drink-driving actually illegal in any states? We get some very strange impressions from US tv shows and novels; not to mention Luann (who is so like my daughter!).

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: MMario
Date: 17 May 01 - 09:30 AM

yes - you have to have insurance (at least anyplace I've lived)

and no, it is not cheap. rates are much higher for younger drivers.

And as far as I know - driving under the influence is illegal in all states. Depending on where you are there are various stages DUI (Driving under the Influnce) DWI (Driving while intoxicated) - also having open alcohol containers in a vehicle is illegal in many places - (even if you aren't drinking)

Subject: RE: BS: THERE IS A SPECIAL TERROR....
From: Steve Parkes
Date: 17 May 01 - 09:36 AM

Thanks, MMario. Just like home, then. The "open alcohol containers" thing sounds like a good idea. Can you use mobile phones while driving? It's not actually illegal here, but it's a definite no-no, and the police will stop you if they see you doing it. Doesn't stop people doing it, though!