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Do your friends play music?
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Subject: Do your friends play music? From: marty D Date: 18 May 01 - 01:18 AM I'm one of those people who hates boring statistics (census stuff etc.) but loves interesting ones to do with people's work and leisure pursuits. So, I'm curious, do most folks here get together with friends to play and sing, or are your friends not particularily interested in your folkmusic hobby? I find that at a party I almost never get asked to play (I'm not great, but I'm not THAT bad) A neighbour once said "How come you never get your guitar out?" I practically blurted out "Because you never ASKED me to". She replied "Well we didn't want to be rude". Left me a little curious. Do you get asked to play by your friends? marty |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Bert Date: 18 May 01 - 01:22 AM I don't get asked too often, but everyone seems pleased if I do bring out a guitar. |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Liz the Squeak Date: 18 May 01 - 01:25 AM Home friends, yes, often asked to sing. Church friends - we don't socialise that much, except at church functions, where I'm either too busy organising or have been singing in church already. Work friends - as I sing along to my walkman whilst filing, they tell me to shut up..... At home - rarely if ever have we made music together..... unless you count singing Twinkle Twinkle 43 times on the trot to the bratling as making music..... LTS |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: GUEST,Bardford Date: 18 May 01 - 01:34 AM Funny, but since I took up the bodhran, my friends haven't been around so much.... |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Ebbie Date: 18 May 01 - 02:15 AM Gracious, yes. Could be it's because I rarely go to a party where home-grown music isn't being made. A few years back I went to a birthday party thrown by a friend much younger than I for a dear, much younger friend, also much younger than I. It developed that the 'party' was dancing to the Beatles on tape... Not my thing on a number of different levels and I went home as soon as I decently could. If I were male, I could be called curmudgeonly. Ebbie |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Clinton Hammond Date: 18 May 01 - 02:16 AM Tough call... I don't ask my mom to do payroll for me or ask my father-in-law to do legal work for me, or expect my sister-in-law to show up at a party with an ice-sculpture... They know I make my living from making music and I think they may be a little intimidated by that, and so don't want to 'impose'.. What they don't get is that I'm all too happy to play a song or 3 before x-mas dinner, or do a song while they sing the register at their weddings... I may play to live, but I live to play too... ;-) |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Boab Date: 18 May 01 - 03:51 AM Used to drive my workmates batty with a much-repeated version of "The Beggarman"---so much so that I'm still greeted on occasion with "Here comes auld 'Nyaa-nyaa'"! Things changed quite a bit as I picked up on the accordion and bodhran, however, and found a circle of likeminded folks and enjoyed their company. I'm part of a group here on Vanc. Island playing Celtic/folk/country . I'll be in Hexham Northumberland 25-26 May for the folk fest, and on Arran the following weekend for the golf open [playin' box and jamming with the locals in the Brodick pubs---no golf!]. The local folk fest begins that weekend, and I might stay over if the mood takes me;aah!----great to be retired------- Boab |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: KingBrilliant Date: 18 May 01 - 05:31 AM I have some friends I met through music & we get together for a sing once in a while. I sing & play at family barbecues & parties along with Hammerite. Mark's family are really comfortable with the idea & request it. On my side of the family only half the family are comfortable - so whilst my dad & Hamm & I are singing away, my brother & his family are cringeing visibly. At folkie friends'parties everyone joins in & sings & plays. We played at a neighbour's house at christmas after a long day in the pub. Unfortunately, the guy kept insisting to us that he was a brilliant singer & then would only back this up by playing an ancient tape of him about 30 years ago, and refused all entreaties to sing us something live! He kept almost starting up - he'd begin a drone-note & we'd feel quite hopeful - then he'd leap up and play the tape again....very frustrating (but not on the point I know, so I'll get back to the question in hand) Friends that aren't folkies have never asked us to sing, and I just imagine that they'd be apalled if we were to start up (but that's probably a really stupid assumption). I'd like to start something going at barbecues & such, but I'm just scared that it will look really pushy and that people who aren't used to it would not 'get it'. I expect it would be OK to just start up in the background though - perhaps I'll gird my loins & have a go - I think perhaps if I wait to be asked I'd wait forever - but as Marty's post shows very often it probably would be appreciated. Has anyone tried taking the bull by the horns uninvited & if so did you get gored or applauded?? I really do feel strongly that singing & playing live (rather than listening to a CD collection) should be more the norm - so perhaps we all need to be upfront & brazen. Kris |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: MMario Date: 18 May 01 - 06:31 AM virtually every getogether with friends I have ends up being a sing-around. |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: John P Date: 18 May 01 - 07:04 AM We were encouraged to bring instruments and play at the only party we've been to in the last 15 years or so that wasn't hosted by musicians. Almost everyone at work is a musican, so we play and sing a lot there. My brother plays and my wife's mother plays, so on the rare occasions that I see family there is ususally some music. John |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: SeanM Date: 18 May 01 - 07:32 AM I'm part of a large group of entertainers who work the RenFaire circuit in CA, and most of my friends over the years have either developed out of or wound up in it... so yes, we get together and perform a lot in several capacities. Up until my last move, I used to get together with one of my better friends every week or so and we'd play for a few hours. We also (most of the group) do a fair amount of 'extracurricular' singing and playing after hours at the events we work... M |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Kim C Date: 18 May 01 - 10:04 AM Yep. Going to a pickin party tonight. Takin my hran with me too. :-D |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Matt_R Date: 18 May 01 - 10:14 AM My friend Ryan sings, but doesn't play an instrument. We were singing "Glory Days" by Bruce Springsteen and various TV Theme songs at Kohl's (The best ice-cream in the world).
Denny the last Dinosaur |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Rick Fielding Date: 18 May 01 - 12:06 PM Yeah, Clinton it IS a tough call. My Scottish inlaws have NEVER asked me to play. I've given them every album I've ever made, and they certainly know what I do for a living, but they seem to have no interest whatsoever. Kinda throws you for a loop. One part of me says "they think it would be rude BECAUSE I'm a professional", the insecure wimp side says "They think you suck!" Like you, I'd be happy to play for them, but it'll probably never happen. Good question Marty. Naturally we have "music friends". But our civilian friends NEVER ask. Often (say at Christmas) if we have a getogether and I'm playing, most of them just talk over the music, like they would in a bar. Sure as all Hell keeps ya humble! Rick |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Mudlark Date: 18 May 01 - 12:47 PM I PINE for friends to play with....when I lived in arkansas I was rich in musical friends, but have not been able to connect with any like-minded folkies in this rural and somewhat remote area of Ca. I have a friend who's brother is a musician from out of the area....the few times we've spent together playing for hours on my front porch are standout memories for me. None of my current friend friends are into music much except as background, and have never, not in 20 years, actually asked me to play. I suppose if I were to be so bold as to haul out my guitar and offer to play they would listen...but I would not expect their interest, or their appreciation, to make up for my own shyness! I am very happy to have found Mudcats! Just knowing there ar so many people out there who ARE interested in folk music makes me feel good. Mudlark |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: GUEST,Phil Cooper Date: 18 May 01 - 01:06 PM In high school and college days, I used to hide behind the guitar and play at parties and friend's gatherings. These days I leave the guitar home, unless asked, or it's a music party. I didn't want to use the music as a barrier to interacting with people. If we've played professionally at an event and socializing takes place after the show, I will encourage other people to play and sit back and listen (they have, after all, already heard me). But some of the best music I've participated in has happened at friend's houses gathering informally, and there's nothing to beat it. |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: GUEST,Melani Date: 18 May 01 - 01:25 PM Depends on which friends. Some of them ask me to sing, the rest ask me to shut up. Most of my husband's friends would throw me out of the house if I brought an instrument to a party. So I don't go to many parties any more. |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: lady penelope Date: 18 May 01 - 01:39 PM I have a theory that, in England, at parties of mixed company ( those who play instruments and those who don't ) it might be considered "showing off" to wip out yer guitar and start strumming. So usually the nearest you get to making music with your mates is singing along to the rocky horror show at the top of your lungs and the bottom of you wine glass. Bit sad eh? TTFN M'Lady P. |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Liz the Squeak Date: 18 May 01 - 02:42 PM Lady P - it was headbanging to something else at the last party wasn't it.... Did the Rocky Horror come out after we'd gone?? LTS |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: harpmolly Date: 18 May 01 - 03:39 PM It really all depends... Most of my friends play music, and if someone asks or invites me to play with them, I'm all for it. But on another note...I love and adore my mother, but SHE is the absolute WORST stage mother ever. It was bad enough when I was actually doing theatre in high school, but now that I'm old enough to go to bars it's a nightmare. Almost every time we go out together and someone is playing music, she has a few cocktails and when I'm not looking, approaches the performer and tells them about her wonderful daughter who's a fabulous singer, and they really ought to ask me up to sing. And of course, most performers are too polite to say no. It infuriates me, because as I said before, I'll break my legs getting up to the stage if I'm *invited*, but I'd rather die than horn in on someone else's gig uninvited (or, only invited at my mother's coercion). And my mother simply does NOT get this. I've laid down the law, absolutely and unequivocally, a hundred times over, but one or two martinis and she conveniently "forgets", EVERY TIME. I don't want to be ungrateful--I realize that she's proud of me and wants to support me--but dammit, I know there's more to it than that. She wants to show me off, and I don't like feeling like a music box, you know? What really gets me is that she KNOWS how I feel about it and she does it anyway, without consulting me or asking me, because she knows I have to forgive her--she's my mother. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go off quite so much *grin* but this is a really frustrating problem. The last time it happened was last Christmas, and (along with, admittedly, a whole slew of other factors) the whole holiday just went downhill from there. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this problem? The frustrated mollificent |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Clinton Hammond Date: 18 May 01 - 04:05 PM Ya... stop going out with your mom... Go places she's not at... |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Ruthie A Date: 18 May 01 - 07:12 PM My best mate plays folk. Well, all my best mates play folk, as I met them in sessions, at festivals and at summerschool, so that can only be expected. Friends and school and from wind bands know fine well I'm a folkie - it's fairly common knowledge, as when I'm not playing I'm singing. I frequently get asked to play tunes before band concerts and I'm always the one supplying the tourbus/Duke of Edinburgh group/general social gathering/highly populated public area with songs, because it's fun, and I can normally get people to join in. Ruthie
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: harpmolly Date: 18 May 01 - 07:44 PM Clinton: Yeah, but she's my *mother*. :( Other than this, we get along really well. Mostly. Sigh. So, I don't want to never go out with her again, but I also don't want to live in fear every time we go somewhere with live music. Or not even that--last year on St. Paddy's Day, without even asking me, she got the bartender to turn off the music and then announced, "My daughter wants to sing something!" Now I know that St. Paddy's Day is a traditional day for people to get drunk and sing in pubs, but this was just the S.O.S. all over again. So I threw a fit and stormed out of the bar and that was St. Paddy's Day. (I seem to have a habit of really not having a good time on that day. :P) Anyway, just not going out with her isn't really an option. M |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: harpmolly Date: 18 May 01 - 07:45 PM P.S. Yes, I know, what was I doing in a bar WITHOUT live music on St. Pat's? Don't ask. :( |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Clinton Hammond Date: 18 May 01 - 08:00 PM Molli... I know all about not having fun on St. Pats day... but that's a whole different thread... My mom and I used to have the greatest rows and brawls ever, until I moved to a different town... now only seeing her once or twice every couple of years, we're really good frineds... We put the fun in dysfunctional.. if we were in the army we'd put the infant in infantry... ;-) My suggestion for the "My daughter want to sing" situation would be to tell her flat out that you're not a trained seal... but I'm forward like that... and not every one is... Good luck eh, Molli! |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: marty D Date: 18 May 01 - 08:04 PM I used to think that i simply wasn't singing the right kind of songs, now I'm thinking I might not have the right kind of friends. Just joking. marty |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Matt_R Date: 18 May 01 - 08:45 PM Hmmmm, I must becoming forgetful in my old age. That should be "Denver", not "Denny". |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: GUEST,petr Date: 18 May 01 - 10:16 PM the only musical thing I did with my friends before I started playing the fiddle was to sing around that campfire. It was usually only me singing but occasionally others joined. when I took up the fiddle a few years ago most of my friends thought it was neat and they liked having my play at a party but then I got the feeling that it I was pushing it on them, since I like to play more than a few minutes. Now that I play in pubs and for dances very few of those friends come out for that. When I have a party at home I have a separate room for musicians to jam in and one for non-musicians. It seems that I hang out more with my musician friends now anyway and those that dont play just dont get it, one of my friends was getting married and when I asked if he wants me to play at his wedding he said no its ok they will have a dj and cds. well another friend is getting married in july and has asked me to play at his wedding which Id be quite happy to do. |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: GUEST,Janet G. Date: 19 May 01 - 02:53 AM Almost all my friends play and sing. We have been playing together once a week for about five years. I also often take a mandolin or fiddle to work to play during lunch and breaks. I try not to be obnoxious or bother anyone, but I find that most people enjoy listening and often compliment my playing. If they think I am really good, that's a sure sign of a non-musician! |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Pukuhipi Date: 19 May 01 - 04:39 AM I mix in many circles. Some are receptive to music and others are definitely not. I have the misfortune to be an accordianist and I live through all the "stuff" that comes with that. One "mate" told me that I am not a gentleman because a gentleman knows how to play an accordian but does not do so. On the musical side of things, I am part of a group of four die hards who get together semiregularly for a session of tunes and songs. I play the squeezebox, Phil plays the guitar, Ian plays the guitar and mandolin and McPiper plays the fiddle, elbow pipes (Northumbrian breed), whistle, banjo and guitar. He plays all these just to make the rest of us feel inadequate. Incidentally, Ian's mandolin was made by his father who happens to be a boatbuilder turned instrument maker and the underside of the mandolin is the smallest clinker built dinghy you have ever seen. These interesting little things improve the quality of my life immensely. Cheers Pukuhipi |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Midchuck Date: 19 May 01 - 03:58 PM I seem to have drifted away from my friendships with non-musicians. It's kind of sad. But most of the things people do at social functions if they don't do music - get drunk, play cards, get drunk, play board games, smoke tobacco, smoke pot, watch sports on television, get drunk - seem sort of dumb. Peter. |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: lady penelope Date: 19 May 01 - 04:20 PM Ah, you have a strange breed of musickers where you are, if they don't get drunk whilst playing! Bit of a strange idea to me! TTFN M'Lady P. |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Rich(bodhránai gan ciall) Date: 19 May 01 - 04:21 PM PLaying and/or attending musical events, is pretty much where I make friends any more. I don't really have anything against sports fans, stamp collectors, accountants or whatever, but I don't tend to be in places where they are. I have friends at work(yes, I've been advised ore than once to keep my day job), that aren't into music, but outside of there, one tends to be around's one's own kind, so to speak. Rich |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Bill D Date: 19 May 01 - 08:26 PM 92.0291% of our circle of friends do music..'mostly' folk music. People ask each other to play/sing different stuff all the time...and there are many gatherings where just appearing with an instrument case MEANS you expect to play, and it usually works that way...but sometimes social occasions with a regular group turn to just gossip sessions, and little music gets made. Ya never can tell...we can TALK a sublect to death, even at a formal song circle..*grin*...(I once asked, "do you suppose if we advertised a "talk circle", they'd come & sing?") |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: RichM Date: 19 May 01 - 09:53 PM Mollificent, storming out of the pub after your Mom's uninvited request to have you sing is a good move!
Maybe Mom won't be so forward next time. Tell her next time you go out, that you WON'T sing at her request. And keep walking out if she insists. |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: harpmolly Date: 21 May 01 - 03:26 PM Sorry to resurrect this thread from the dead, but I had good news to add. :) My parents just sold their house (the deal closes the same day my job is over! Whee! :D). The good news is, my mother promised me some time ago that when they sold the house she and I would go on a trip to Ireland together. Yay! But, the above problem still exists. I feel I should sit down and have a serious talk with her about it, because of all places, Ireland is the LAST place where I want my mother pulling these kinds of stunts. Of course, I *want* to sing in the pubs *grin* but only if the situation is appropriate or welcoming. I don't want to be branded an obnoxious American because of my mother's pushiness. On the other hand, my mom really is always the life of the party, and as she's taking me to Ireland, I feel a little bit ungrateful saying "Okay, I'll go with you, but you have to promise to behave." Am I going to have to get tough with her before every pub crawl? I want us to have a good time, and I'm sure we will, but this really does worry me. Sigh. I'm sorry to go on and on about it, but it's an issue that has never successfully been resolved. M |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: Midchuck Date: 21 May 01 - 03:43 PM Mollificent, aren't there any songs you know that you could sing and insure that your mother would never again ask you to sing when she was present? You could always claim you didn't know what it meant.... I think there's a keyword, "bawdy" in the DT that would give you some leads, if you don't already know any. Peter. |
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Subject: RE: Do your friends play music? From: harpmolly Date: 21 May 01 - 03:57 PM LOL! Unfortunately, as I said, my mum's the life of the party. The bawdier the better, as far as she's concerned. ;) To tell the truth, I'm really looking forward to going to Ireland with her, and even pub-hopping with her. It's just that one teensy weensy maddening little thing that's got me shaking in my boots. Oh, well. If I have to keep hitting her over the head with the proverbial sledgehammer, then that's just what I gotta do. Sigh. But hey! I'm going to Ireland! :D M |
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