Favourite Limerick [8]

Subject: Favourite Limerick
From: Shields Folk
Date: 12 Jun 01 - 07:39 PM

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Has anyone else a favourite limerick. My favourite is:

There was a young girl from Long Horton, Who had one big tit and one short one. To top all of that, she had a big......

...Er..Actually that wasn't a good choice but any other Favourites?

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Don Firth
Date: 12 Jun 01 - 08:27 PM

(Oh, Lord! Prepare to duck. . . . )

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Justa Picker
Date: 12 Jun 01 - 08:34 PM

Type the word "Limerick" in the filter box on the main page. Set the date for 3 years. See what comes up.

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: CarolC
Date: 12 Jun 01 - 08:59 PM

Type DONT POST into the filter box, too, and set for one year. There's a lot of miscelaneous stuff on those threads, but also quite a few limericks. Some are quite good.

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: GUEST,Hagbard
Date: 12 Jun 01 - 09:18 PM

Alright....

There once was a man from Madras
Who had balls made out of fine brass
In times of bad weather
He'd rub them together
And sparks would fly out from his arse

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Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Blackcatter
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 01:59 AM

The one I've always loved was attributed to Winston Churchill.

He (supposedly) used to tell a story of how during the darkest times of the London Blitz the BBC decided to have a limerick competition. Thousands of limericks came in from all over the British Empire and finally the funniest one was chosen. Because of the language of the limerick the most objectionable words had to be "beeped" out - leaving only those acceptable for most listeners. It was finally read on the air:

beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep,

beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep,

beep beep beep beep beep,

beep beep beep beep beep,

beep beep beep beep beep f*cking c*nt.

pax yall

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: SeanM
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 02:39 AM

I've always loved a rather morbid one from the Late Edward Gorey...

There once was a prelate named Zane
Whose brain was deranged from cocaine
He lured a child
To a copse dark and wild
And beat it to death with his cane.

Err... maybe this should have gone on the "are you a Goth?" thread...

M

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Chip2447
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 02:42 AM

There once was a girl named Monica,
quite skilled at blowing harmonica,
She fell to her knees, quite willing to please. And said, Mr President, happy Hanukkah...

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: nutty
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 04:51 AM

There was a young lady from Norway
Who hung by her heels in a doorway
To her lover's dismay
She shouted "Hooray"
"I think I've discovered one more way"

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Dug
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 04:56 AM

There once was a sailor named Bates
Who danced the fandango on skates,
Till he sat on a cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates

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Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Les from Hull
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 05:09 AM

There was a young man of Japan
Whose limericks just wouldn't scan
When they said "Well the thing
Doesn't go with a swing"
He said "Well, you see, the trouble is that I always try to get as many words into the last line as I possibly can!"

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: GUEST,Lanfranc at the orifice
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 05:15 AM

Once Titian, while mixing rose madder
Saw his model astride a high ladder
Her position, to Titian
Suggested coition
So he climbed up the ladder and had her

I'll go away now!

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Lyndi-loo
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 05:18 AM

There was a girl from Cape Cod
Who thought babies came from God
But it wasn't the Almighty
who lifted her nightie

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Micca
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 06:03 AM

Lyndi.." twas' Roger the Lodger the Sod"

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Lyndi-loo
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 06:10 AM

Whoops I'm sure I typed in the last line. What happened there? Anyway, I'm sure thousands of people know that one!

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Frug
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 06:17 AM

I've always enjoyed limericks and a couple of work colleagues and myself often play limerick games after a days work, particularly when we're on the road and having a few drinks at the end of the day. The game goes like this: one person starts and everyone in turn adds a line until the limerick is complete. The normal rules of rhyming and scanning must be adhered to. Anyone failing to contribute in appropriate way buys the next round of drinks. try it 'catters it's fun particularly if you can work in a few relevant themes from the day........It can also get very rude.

Frank

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Micca
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 06:33 AM

Frug, Straight out of "Im sorry I havent a clue???" and from the Cleigh O'Possum is mad thread, with reference to the MannikinPis..
There was a wee belgian pisser
who was a bit of a hitter or misser
He pissed in the Grail
which does without fail
Lead to a punch in the kisser

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Frug
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 07:04 AM

There was a young girl from Madras
Who had a Magnificent ass
Not pretty and pink
As you probably think
It was grey had long ears and ate grass!

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Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Snuffy
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 08:31 AM

The last time I dined with the king
He did a peculiar thing
He sat on a stool
And pulled out his tool
And said "If I play, will you sing?"

Wassail! V

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Midchuck
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 08:39 AM

The Duchess enquired, at tea:
"Good sir, do you fart when you pee?"
I replied, with great wit:
"Do you belch when you shit?"
And considered it "one up" for me!

P.

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: hesperis
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 09:08 AM

My fave is that Titian one. I like it even better than my own first limerick ever!

Both are in the DON'T POST threads.

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Crazy Eddie
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 09:34 AM

Actually my two favourites are the Lady from Madras, and the "as many words in the last line...." one. So here is my next favourite.
There was a young girl from the Clyde
Who ate some green apples, and died
For the apples fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside 'er insides

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: The_one_and_only_Dai
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 11:21 AM

There was a young man from Dunoon
Who would always eat soup with a fork.
He said, "As I eat
neither fish, fowl nor flesh,
I would otherwise finish too quick."

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Jenny the T
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 11:32 AM

How about:

I sat next to the Duchess at tea
It was just as I feared it would be
Her rumblings abdominal
Were Simply abominable
And everyone thought it was me!

JtT

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: kendall
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 11:47 AM

I'm still waiting for someone to top this:
A mathmetician named Hall
Had a hexahedronical ball
The cube of its' weight
Plus his pecker, times eight
Was four fifths, of five eights
Of fuck all.

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: BobP
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 11:48 AM

A pitcher from baseball's dominions,

Decided to share his opinions,

He did harm to his game and mates,

But he learned quite a lesson, like Gates.

Keep it zipped or you'll soon be out millions.

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Lyndi-loo
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 12:04 PM

There are catters whose names are Max Tone
Katlaughing, Catspaw and Joe Clone
If you're needing a chat
You must visit Mudcat
And know that you're never alone

*BG*

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Les from Hull
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 12:05 PM

There was a young girl from Bombay
Who, on a slow boat to China one day,
Was trapped by the tiller
By a sex-starved gorilla
And China's a bloody long way.

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Micca
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 12:54 PM

Lyndi, That is neat, and No Offence intended to anyone... I just was bored this afternoon ok?

While flying the Atlantic so true
Charles Lindberg knew just what to do
He had bread and some meat
And a comfortable seat
That converted to a neat Lyndi-loo

Sail Racing Pat managed a draw
Which since has stuck right in his craw
He said we'd have won it
With just one more minute
And the help of a little Catspaw

Max needs to fill up Mudcats coffers
To silence the hecklers and scoffers
With dollars and groats
and sales of old coats
and an auction of Hymns of Joe Offers

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: GUEST,marshman
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 01:12 PM

There once was a man from Bel Aire, who was doing a girl on the stair. But the bannister broke, so he doubled his stroke, and polished her off in mid air.

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Uncle_DaveO
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 01:23 PM

There was a young girl from St. Paul
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
But the dress caught on fire
And burnt her entire
Front page, sporting section, and all!

Dave Oesterreich

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Snuffy
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 04:03 PM

There was an old Man of Dundee,
Who was stung on the neck by a wasp.
When asked if it hurt,
He said,"no, not at all.
It can do it again if it likes."

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: lady penelope
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 04:32 PM

I like the more literary sort......

From out of the crypt of St. Giles
Came a scream that resounded for miles
The Vicar said "Gracious
It's Brother Ignaceous
He's forgotten the Bishop has piles"

James Joyce.

There was ayoung lady from Bude
Who went for a swim in the lake
A man in a punt
Stuck a pole in her ear
And said "you can't swim here it's private"

TTFN M'Lady P.

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Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Trapper
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 04:45 PM

There was a young man from Moline
Who invented a F*cking Machine
Both concave and convex
It fit either sex
But oh, what a bugger to clean!

= Al

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: GUEST,JB
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 04:56 PM

How do you like this one?

Tim and I to Australia went
We met three women in a tent
They were three and we were two
I bucked one
And Tim bucked two

Happy travels!

JB

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Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 04:57 PM

Prope mare erat tubulator
Qui virginem ingrediebatur
..Dessine in gressus
..Audivi progressus:
Est mihi inquit tubulator.

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: mousethief
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 04:59 PM

Translation?

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: The Walrus
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 05:57 PM

There was a young man from Australia,
Who painted his arse lika a dalhia,
The colour was fine,
Likewise the design,
But the aroma? Now THAT was a failure.

or, for those with a mathematical bent:

A young mathematician called Klein
Thought the Mõbius strip was devine,
He said "If you glue
"the edges of two,
"You end up with a bottle like mine".

Regards

Walrus

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 06:12 PM

There once was a fellow called Clyde
Who fell in a cess pit and died.
Edward, his brother,
Fell into another
And now they're interred side by side.

There once was a lady called Gwynne
She was really exceptionally thin
That when she assayed
To drink orangeade
She slipped through the straw and fell in.

The cleanest ones I know. Except the one about the man of Khartoum and his sheep.

LTS

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Clinton Hammond
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 06:37 PM

O.k.. o.k.. o.k...

There was a young man from St. Maarten
Who saved all his oders from faartin
If it passed through his crack
It went straight in a sack
And mistakes were all kept in a caarton

A Jewess who lived in St. Croix
Fell in love with a handsome young goix
Her parents forbade
She should marry the lad
So instead she eloped with the boix

A flatulent actor named Barton
Had a lifestyle exceedingly spartan
Till a playwright one day
Wrote a well-recieved play
With a part in which Barton could fart in

:-)

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 06:51 PM

oh, right! translation!

Il y avait un plombier, François,
Qui plombait sa femme dans le Bois.
...Dit-elle, "Arrètez!,
...J'entends quelqu'un venait."
Dit le plombier, en plombant, "C'est moi"

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Micca
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 07:30 PM

There was a young plumber from Leigh
who was plumbing a girl by the sea
she cried stop your plumbing
I hear some one coming
saud the plumber still plumbing, its me

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 07:33 PM

awww, Micca, I still had the German version to go...*grin*

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Micca
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 07:34 PM

POST it, Please, I have lost my copy!!!

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 07:36 PM

The last time I slept with the queen,
She smiled as I whispered,"Ich dien",
...Please put the light out,
...It's royalty's night out
The queen may be had, but not seen"

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Bill D
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 07:43 PM

ohh..ok...

Es gibt ein arbeiter von Tinz,
Er schläft mit ein Mädel von Linz.
..Sie sagt, "Halt sein' plummern,
..Ich höre Mann kommern."
"Jacht, jacht", sagt der Plummer, "Ich binz"

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Snuffy
Date: 13 Jun 01 - 08:03 PM

The dirty old Bishop of Birmingham
Once rogered three maids while confirming 'em
As they knelt seeking God
He excited his rod
And pumped his episcopal sperm in 'em

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Chip2447
Date: 14 Jun 01 - 01:45 AM

There once was a man from Kent
Whose tool was so long it bent
to save himself trouble
he folded it double
and instead of coming he went

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: Metchosin
Date: 14 Jun 01 - 02:11 AM

There was an old man from Leeds
Who swallowed a package of seeds
From out of his ass
Came bunches of grass
And his balls were all covered with weeds

This one always had great significance to me as a child because of a Chia Pet sheep we had that only managed to produced grass in one area of its anatomy.

Subject: RE: Favourite Limerick
From: pavane
Date: 14 Jun 01 - 02:58 AM

Many of the above were featured years ago in the 'Pan book of Limericks' as was:

A young architect took advantage
of a pretty young lady from Wantage
The county surveyor
said 'you'll have to pay her'
You've altered the line of her frontage

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