BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'

Subject: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 12:09 PM

Come on in, we're open for business! We've got live music and hot wings in here, and we just got the AC working again, so it's nice and cool. Banjer just brought up a keg of Guinness from the cellar, and it's a special one...yep, imported from Dublin. Later on, we might fill the old Jello Tub with gelatin and fun seekers, so I hope you brought your swim suits.

Now, we've been closed for repair for a bit, and as a Grand Re-opening Celebration, we are offering drinks "On the House", so keep your credit card in your wallet Bert. Here's the only hitch - you've got to order one for someone else. Hopefully, someone will order one for you (or you go thirsty. sorry).

Let me start the ball rolling. I'd like to order a large Rum Punch in a hollowed-out Pineapple with an umbrella sticking out the top for my pal Katlaughing, who I can always count on to give me a new perspective on the world, or to provide me words to an old Cowboy song, or to tell me a story that has meaning. I'd also like to buy a Gin and Tonic for Mr Joe Offer, who is always there to fix what needs fixing (he got the air conditioner going in the Tavern simply through skillful HTML instruction!), or contribute factual information to any trad music discussion. I'd also like to buy a bottle of a good Cabernet for Peter T and Jenellen, in honor of a rather interesting climb we made in the Himalayas.

Salut!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 12:37 PM

I'll order a tall single-malt scotch, preferrably more than 20 years old, neat, for my friend Leej.

alex

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Kim C
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 12:49 PM

How about a large cold skim milk for Spaw. :-)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 12:59 PM

Thanks Alex (gulp!).

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 01:00 PM

Isn't the HTML for air conditioning < brrrrrrrr > insert desired degrees of cool here < / brrrrrrrrr >?

For Old Times sake I'd like to buy a chocolate milk in a cow shaped container for Little Neophyte; and a fresh squeezed OJ for a certain cookie lady whom I know lurks in the shadows.

and for a certain jmdornan - whatever the lady wants.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 01:27 PM

Leej, you little sweet potato! That wine is superb.

For Peter, I'd share that bottle of wine, and even the straw.
For Amos, well, is there anything you can make back there with Crisco in it?
For Aine, Guinness for the GG and the keeper of the songs(and keeper of the girls on the straight and narrow-hardly!)
For the bartender, anything you want, and in a clean glass too. You are a fine man.

~J

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: The Walrus at work
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 01:34 PM

Well I might as well stick my head around the door and shout a large Bushmills for Seamus Kennedy, hold on, is that a bottle of Blackbush I spy behind the bar? Well in that case....

Walrus

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 01:35 PM

gee- did anyone buy bert a round? Maybe we should invent a new one for him - the Inexhaustible Visa - a beer stein connected via wormhole to the brewery of his choice so that he can never empty it, perhaps?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: AllisonA(Animaterra)
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 01:41 PM

Great idea, MMario! Hey, by way, what are you drinking? I'd like to pay up for that song you sang me on our drive-by encounter in Vermont. Leej, please fill up MMario's glass with whatever he'll take!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 01:43 PM

LEJ chuckles as he watches Catspaw gagging on skim milk in a vain attempt to wash down the Tabasco-soaked chicken wings

For MMario, a large beaker of mead, as befits one who spends as much time in the Renaissance as he does in 2001. Thanks for putting tunes to all of those lyrics!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: gnu
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 01:46 PM

I'll set Alex up with whatever suits his fancy, as long as he helps me carry in my Bodhransss for the session later on.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 01:48 PM

And for gnu, a pint of yer finest, and two hands for carryin' 'hrans.

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: gnu
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 01:57 PM

Gee, I figured there would be a flood of people trying to get me too drunk to play. Hats off to you Alex, a gentleman if ever there was.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 01:58 PM

That's the beer talkin, mate. But I thank 'ee for your kind words!

A pint of bitter for Malcolm Douglas, barkeep, if you will.

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:14 PM

Dear LAdy of the Eternal Tavern:

I cannot express my appreciation for the fine and generaous offer regarding Crisco, but let me remind you that when I said Crisco was mandatory, it was in regard to a certain promised wrestling encounter, and not for libation.

I prithee, then, sweet as thou do be, to reword the form in which your profound generosity takes place, lest we find it not bottomless, in sooth, and needs must reform the fundament thereof!!

And while I'm here I'd like to order sixteen large glasses of 1939 Beaujolais for that Jen Ellen lass.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:22 PM

A gallon of purified water for Aine, who now lives in Texas, where water, I'm told, is hard to come by.

Which is to say, there aren't many lakes you can make love at the edge of.

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: kendall
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:25 PM

A double shot of Jamesons'12 year old scotch for Big Chuck, in payment for what you shared with me at Old Songs. JEEZ, are you reading this Doug? me buying a drink for a republican...Hey, what am I doing in this hand basket? where am I going?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:27 PM

"I want to attempt a thing like that and am frightened by these trifles," he thought, with an odd smile. "Hm . . . yes, all is in a man's hands and he lets it all slip from cowardice, that's an axiom. It would be interesting to know what it is men are most afraid of."

*looking up from book and over vast quantities of drink that have appeared on the table before her*
Nice try, shotgun! You won't rest until you are done wrassled, will ya? Okay then, barkeep, a bottle of gatorade for Amos, and hold a nice bottle of champagne for when his patio is finished. And a pot of peppermint tea for my ladies as well.

~J

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Midchuck
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:35 PM

Kendall, I don't think bigchuck would like being called a Republican. He describes himself as agnostic.

Keep in mind: There are now two, count 'em, two, members of the United States Congress - both houses combined - who list themselves as "Independant," and they're both from Vermont. And Vermont has only three members of Congress, in both houses combined.

Makes me almost proud to be a Vermonter again, after almost giving up hope when the yuppies appeared to be taking over.

Peter.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From:
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:44 PM

The libation of her choice for Noreen, who has a doohicky set up to invite me in when she's on PalTalk. I'm still on coffee for the next several hours...something dark, strong and caffenated for me, please.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:47 PM

I'm pouring a pint of fresh Guinness for InObu. Thanks Larry for reminding us that, in a world where everyone seems to be scrounging a buck, there are still people trying to sing about and do what they think is simply RIGHT. Slaint'!

And for my fiddler-friend Sorcha, here's a pint of The Black Stuff to cut the dust of those hot Wyoming Plains afternoons.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Peter T.
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:47 PM

A sound as of disintegrating Firestone tires is heard out back of the Tavern. The back door is slowly flung open, which is a neat trick, and a figure who looks like one of those half-finished jigsaw puzzles with all the edges done, but only blotches of tricky sailboat in the middle, wearing a T-shirt reading "RASKOLNIKOV BREWERIES - WHEN YOU WANT TO CRY INTO YOUR BEER, MAKE IT A RASKOLNIKOV!!!", waves his arms and says: "For you, innkeeper, in honour of your desire to make all well, and all manner of things to be well, and may love abound!" And behind him can be made out a tanker truck, labelled RASKOLNIKOV BREWERIES, and a hose. "Where do I hook it up???"

LEJ points to two taps, one marked "EFFERVESCENT" and the other marked "WALLOW". "Hook it up to No. 2".

The jigjagged figure does as he is told, and it pours true, and he ventures to turn his head about, and noticing ladies present (including she who had resuced him from durance vile, just when he was working on the corpse in the shroud trick, which he is almost tempted to resurrect again, if that is the right way of putting it), he whispers loudly, in an attempt to be debonair that is unimpressive: "Beer on the house!"

"Umm" say LEJ. "We are already doing that."

"Oh," replies the RaskRep, crushed," Oh." As usual, he has the timing of the man going door-to-door selling "Death Of A Salesman" memorabilia.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Sorcha
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 02:57 PM

Why thank you, LEJ! That went down right smooth after all the sawdust I've been inhaling. Set up a couple long, cold ones for Joe Offer and Burke as a reward for a great thread idea.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 06:23 PM

And a triple with chasers for Our Man of the Raskolnikov Brewery! He looks like he's REALLY thought through the whole good and evil thing and could use a drink!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 06:53 PM

WELL!! A round for everyone in joyous celebration, and make it a double for NanaSINSULL!!! Cheers and much love to mama and the wee ones.

~AuntieJen

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Bradypus
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 07:10 PM

A pint of Guinness for Aine, who deserves every drop for her work on the challenge!s

A Blue Lagoon for Mousethief (and spike it with one of those diamond-shaped blue tablets - it sounds like he needs perking up)

And a pint of Skol for MMario, in memory of a mermaid we both know!

Bradypus

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: mousethief
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 07:15 PM

I thank you from the bottom of my heart, Bradypus!

Barkeep, give Bradypus a double shot of his(?) favourite libation!

Alex

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Burke
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 07:19 PM

Thanks, Sorcha. You're the one doing all the real work so while I relax, have a nice tall one from me for doing the leg work.

MMario looks like he's finished that mead. Send him some ale from me. He gets the credit for making me think of it when he suggested we pop old threads back up or find unanswered questions to answer.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: GUEST,RobDale
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 09:30 PM

A Sleeman's Cream Ale for everyone with GUEST in front of their name, Invite 'em in. Make 'em feel welcome!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 09:33 PM

And an ice cold Fat Tire ale for the ramblin' Shambles and his better half.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 09:46 PM

The throbbing rhythm of a 1939 Indian whispers gently through the doorway, followd by the crisp sound of a neat and orderly stop in a well marked spot on the paved and painted parking lot.

A Friend enters, carrying a pair of perfectly matched gerbils on one arm, and a 1956 Silvertone five-string, warped and dusty with caked strings.

He sits at a small round table along the edge of the floor, and calls to Ol LeJ, the Mustachio'd Barkeep:

"Excuse me! I wonder if you would be so kind as to provide that disguised poet -- the one with the exploding Firestones and the impeccable sense of rhythm -- with a double of your best Glenlivet? And, since it seems she's taken a liking to it, an entire bottle of that $300 Baeujolais for the lady operating on a vole. With my admiring compliments to both, if you would be so kind...."

He leans back, dusty his highly polished brown boots, nodding at the ladies and smiling at the gentlemen in a most friendly way. After a while, he puts the gerbils on the table for an Out of Body experience, picks up the Silvertone, whose sound is pure despite its wear, and sings softly:

You couldn't pack a Broadwood half a mile--
You musn't leave a fiddle in the damp--
You couldn't raft an organ up the Nile,
And play it in an Equatorial swamp.
I travel with the cooking-pots and pails--
I'm sandwiched 'tween the coffee and the pork--
And when the dusty column checks and tails,
You should hear me spur the rearguard to a walk!

With my "Pilly-willy-winky-winky-popp!"
[Oh, it's any tune that comes into my head!]
So I keep 'em moving forward till they drop;
So I play 'em up to water and to bed.

In the silence of the camp before the fight,
When it's good to make your will and say your prayer,
You can hear my strumpty-tumpty overnight,
Explaining ten to one was always fair.
I'm the Prophet of the Utterly Absurd,
Of the Patently Impossible and Vain--
And when the Thing that Couldn't has occurred,
Give me time to change my leg and go again.

With my "Tumpa-tumpa-tumpa-tumpa-tump!"
In the desert where the dung-fed camp-smoke curled.
There was never voice before us till I led our lonely chorus,
I--the war-drum of the White Man round the world!

By the bitter road the Younger Son must tread,
Ere he win to hearth and saddle of his own,--
'Mid the riot of the shearers at the shed,
In the silence of the herder's hut alone--
In the twilight, on a bucket upside down,
Hear me babble what the weakest won't confess--
I am Memory and Torment--I am Town!
I am all that ever went with evening dress!

He grows thoughtful, and silent, and watches out the Tavern window at a flock of geese winging north, as a peaceful sunrise extends its light toward a welcoming evening...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: kendall
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 10:31 PM

Oh man, got my foot in it now! Sorry Sandy!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: MMario
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 10:39 PM

*hic*

*hic!*

*

thud

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 11:22 PM

Bemused by inexplicable emanations around him, and not a little soddened by an extremely large mug of brown liquid half consumed before him, the friend resumes plucking a far-awy vein, a minstrel's strum, with a minor tone, and sings sin a somewhat maudlin tone reminiscent of a mother dachsund giving birth:

Kathleen, Mavourneen, awake from thy slumbers,
The blue mountains glow in the sun's golden light;
Ah! where is the spell that once hung on my numbers,
Arise in thy beauty, thou star of my night,
Arise in thy beauty, thou star of my night

Mavourneen, Mavourneen, my sad tears are falling,
To think that from Erin and thee I must part,
It may be for years, and it may be forever?
Then why art thou silent, thou voice of my heart?
Then why art thou silent, Kathleen, Mavourneen?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 11:47 PM

The Tavern has waned as folks once again make peace, the occasional song drifts onto the evening breeze, and small, friendly conversations are buzzing sibilantly in every corner. Temporarily without much trade on his hands, the beaming mustachio'd Barkeep hauls out an ancient Dreadnought from behind the bar, and strolls over to the table of the Mysteriosu Friend plonking away on the Silvertone. After a few rounds of tune-counter-tune, they exchange a few words and fill the evening air with a mournful mountain melody in crisp, heart-rending harmonies:

Some people drink chaaampagne
Out under the stars,
And others drink wine, while
Hanging under a viiine!
But all that I neeeed love
To make me feel fine,
Ish to know that yore luuuuhhve will
Be etern-aly mahn!
 

I'd give an Ocean O' Diaaaamonds

An' a woruld filld with flaaahwwers

Jes' to hol' you cloooosely

Fer JUST a few hoooours

Ta hear you whisper soooftly

Thet Yew love meeee toooo,

Would change alll mah darrrrrk days

Tuh the blewest of blewww!

But, I doan drink that champagne,
An' Ah doan drink thet wiiine,
An'if you refoooose me,
Mah poooor heart will pine,
An' I'll be oh, so looooonesome
'Til the day thet Ah  die,
An' after Ah'm gawwwwn, luhhve,
Yew kin still hyear me cryyyyyyyy.....
 

I'd give an Ocean O' Diaaaamonds

An' a woruld filld with flaaahwwers

Jes' to hol' you cloooosely

Fer JUST a few hoooours

Ta hear you whisper soooftly

Thet Yew love meeee toooo,

Would change alll mah darrrrrk days

Tuh the blewest of blewww!

 

 

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 11:49 PM

A small magical creature scurries through the room deleting double-posts and turning empty glasses magically clean!


--- :^) ---

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Sorcha
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 11:53 PM

(Shouldn't Small Magical Creatures be able to fill empty glasses as well?)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 16 Jul 01 - 11:56 PM

Well, as most know, I'm a rare visitor here but seing as it say's "on the house", mine's a quadruple Lagavulin. May even fix the double post for free when I've chilled out a bit.

Jon

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 12:09 AM

The Friend with the Silvertone jumps up to ask the Bartender for a quintuple Lagavulin for fixing the double-vision from which he was suffering, as the Lagavulin Elven clearly hadn't read all the posts in the Tavern that night.

He retires to his chair, facing out the door, and plonks yet nother tune to the breeze:

Let your quacks and newspapers be cuttin' their capers

And curing the Vapours, the Scratch and the Gout.
With their medical potions, their pills and their lotions,
Upholdin' their notions, they're mighty put out.

Who can tell the true physic of all things pathetic
And pitch to the Devil Cramp, Colic and Spleen?
Oh you'll find them I think if you take a big drink
With your mouth to the brink of a jug of Poteen.

Then stick to the Cratur the best thing in nature
For drowning your sorrows and raisin' your joys.!
Oh what botherations no bolt to the nation
Can bring consolation like Poteen, me boys!
 
 

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Sorcha
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 12:16 AM

And I'll stand another for Dear Jon! One double Lagavulin for the Elven Jon!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 12:25 AM

Cheers sorcha, never thought I'd say this about the Tavern but I'm enjoying the tranquility here at the moment. May even find myself nodding off to the tunes on the Silvertone.

I trust B&B is availible if needed.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Sorcha
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 12:32 AM

Always, sweetie, if you are not allergic to cats and dogs! Seems we do need a peaceful place just now, no? Sleep well, my friend.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Lyrical Lady
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 12:52 AM

A pint or two for Musicman who brought his heart and soul to our little island this past weekend. Two days filled with music and song ... ahhhh... what could be better?

LL

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Jon Freeman
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 01:04 AM

Dogs and cat's suit me fine sorcha. I will sleep well.

LL it looks like there is no one left behind the bar, I'll pull them for you - 2 pints for Musicman coming up.

Not sure where you are BTW but I guess near Vancouver?

Jon (in the UK)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 01:29 AM

Who's mindin the bar? Ah, Jon Freeman I see. You pull those pints like a pro, lad. Just carried MMario into the backroom and onto a cot (no mean feat if you've ever tried to pick the boy up) where he's now sawing logs. Never mix mead, ale, and Skol is the moral of that story I reckon. I'll have a small snifter of brandy before calling it a night, and buy a drink for those roving Mudcat Ambassadors, Allan C and Bill/Sables, two of the finest inhabitants of our town.

Quiet in the Old Tavern tonight, just the chirp of crickets and the babble of the mill stream outside the stone wall. The Friend still strumming that beat-up Silvertone at a table lit by a single candle, not playing anything in particular, just letting the chords roll their own melodies. Peace fills the alleyways of this town, and a quarter moon gives just enough light to guide some of the late-stayers home. Out beyond the brook, I can detect someone singing Barbry Allen, and I think how this town never built itself... it was the music built it. And how sharing that music makes us all stronger and better.

Yeah, it's a pretty good place.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 03:51 AM

Now I'm back in the UK and at work, I'll just have a quick Metaxa. When things have calmed down here I may share some of this year's Kalymnos memories with you, but perhaps I'll gloss over the police shutting down our last night party...
RtS (old reprobate)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 04:59 AM

Up in the rafters the slumped, mottled form of Albert Toepicker stirred. He was confused by smell of metaphysics, his last clear recollection was of a purple swirl in the corner of his cell at the Neil Young Centre. After that followed a blur of multiple personalities, as if the rift in space had sucked two or more others in with him and melded them into one person. Since arriving at the Tavern, the process seemed to have collapsed, and once again he seemed to be just himself - not an artist, not a poet, just the comfortable psychotic he had been since he started work on the banjo. He felt about him, yes there it was, jewels glinting in the half light. He struck a chord and sank back into his reverie. I must buy a pint of Fiddler's Elbow for the tall man with the motorcycle, he thought before the arms of Morpheus enfolded him again......
GtD.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 06:54 AM

And the song of the mudcat was heard in that land, through a woozy mist, crossing the rolling hills under the stars on the quiet and warm evening air, to the plunking of worn, old Silvertone.

I plays the banjo
Better now,
Than him that taught me do...
Because he plays
For all the world
And I jes' plays for you!

He learns his tunes
I jes' lets down
A banjo string or two,
Into the deepest
Of my heart
An' draws up tunes, for you!

And slowly they
Come swinging up
A-quivering thorugh and through
'Til with a rush
Of tingling notes
They reaches light and you!

Oh, I never knows
If they will shine
Wet with tears
Or dew
I only know,
That dew or tears
Thy shine because of you..
Of you!!

Goodnight, Ms McGillicuddy, wherever you are!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Jim Cheydi
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 07:01 AM

Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps please....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: MMario
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 09:46 AM

A round for Jim here!

oh mygawd that hurtz my head

What do you do with a drunken Mudcat?

something! anything. ohgawd. please...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Peter T.
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 09:58 AM

The bar doors swing open, then swing back, then do that pendulum deterioration back to a standstill, as whoever is outside reconsiders his entrance. Then he tries again, the doors swing open, and he enters, drawn perhaps by the overworked Mysterious Silvertone, but more probably by the possibilities enshrined in the pulchritudinous forms of damsels like damson that he has already noted from the outside. He walks like someone on bowlegged rollerblades up to the bar, and immediately unbuckles his gunbelt.
"Here, bartender, hang on to these. I am trouble when I have had a few." The bartender looks at the calendar, it is 2001, but it is a bar, so he takes the gunbelt and puts it with the harpoon, the beanie, and the tightly wrapped copies of the National Review's special issue with the full-colour foldout of the missile defence shield ("When this baby drops her shield, look out world!"). The handsome dark stranger, who has excellent peripheral vision, spots a certain lady eviscerating a vole, and another lady taking pointers beside her, and a somewhat volelike figure (possibly male?) sitting beside her, as if he were in the waiting room for his turn, and says to the Bartender: "What are those ladies having?"

The Bartender explains, and the stranger says,"I'll see his Beaujolais and raise it to a St. Emilion 45!" The Bartender puts on his impressed bartender look, and heads for the cellar.

The handsome stranger strolls in his odd fashion over to the bevylet of ladies, and the dusty lad, and stands over them, glinting:

"Morning, ladies, names Mix, Trail Mix. I'm sniffing the clean air hereabouts, come with the wind, go with the lay of the land, here today, gone tomorrow, don't think twice, it's a lesson too late for the learning. Might I join you?"

The lady upending the vole says grimly: "No room, we are all taken here.",

Trail Mix looks down at the spot currently occupied by what he regards as less than a spot wearing a RASKOLNIKOV BREWERIES T-Shirt. "Oh," he says, smiling, "I didn't see that there was anyone here."

The Bartender arrives with a tray, three glasses, and an uncorked bottle.

"Ladies," says Trail Mix, "Let us drink to the end of the war between the sexes, to a truce, to an Appomattox Courthouse where both parties down tools and embrace domestic bliss."

The lady with her arms deep in vole says: "If you down tools you can't be much use in domestic bliss, Mr. Mix."

Mr. Mix brushes the RaskRep aside in his need for a seat, since he is temporarily baffled. He sits down. The expropriated RaskRep stands there for a moment, and then wanders away to look up "testosterone" in the Mudcat Tavern dictionary. Mr. Mix, who has his eye on the voleing damsel, nevertheless turns to the lady on his left, yclept Condolezza Schwartz, who has long blonde hair and resembles in a degraded way her own semi-famous album of heartrending songs, entitled "Songs In The Key Of Self", and says in his patented womanizing voice: "Aren't you familiar?"

Condolezza gives him her patented late 60's cool womanizable look, which worked well in the late 60's, but has fallen on hard times in the intervening 41 years. "Do you happen to have ever heard 'Songs in the Key of Self'?"

Trail Mix tends to file away his music according to who he was sleeping with at the time the music was around, so it takes him awhile to match up 'SITKOS" with Daphne with the teeth and the orange lavalamp, but then he makes the connection.

"Oh yeah, wasn't that the one with "You Were The First Thing on My Mind the Last Thing Last Night?" on it?"

Condolezza smiles, brushes her hair like sunlight on a gull's wing, and says: "Why, yes."

"Why you are famous, almost an icon" -- he is still struggling with her name, which is not a surprise since he can hardly remember the name of women without albums to their name -- and she helps him:
"Condolezza Schwartz"

"My God, Condolezza Schwartz" -- this is the first time he has heard the name, but what the hell. "It is an honour sitting here with you."

There is a moment of silence. And then he says: "What's your friend's name?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 01:38 PM

Oh, I haven't asked...." repiled Condolezza, fluttering to the length of her false eyelashes.

The woman, in the depths of prior involevement, squirms soundlessly in her chair. Evoleution is tricky business. It hasn't been easy, given the copious amount of glassware on the table before her, which she shifts from time to time to make room for the vole, but the relative peace of the tavern is the safest place for revisceration to occur.

She looks up, lays her glasses alongside the glasses on the table, and sighs as she rubs her eyes. The RaskRep appears to have taken up residence in a barstool beside the Silvertonedevvil? Great, she's left alone with the growing collection of fruits and nuts. No matter, back to work.

Quickly glancing to check the room, she ducks beneath the table and rummages in her bag. There! She rises again, clutching the prototype of the 'Sad-O-Metric Revolever' to her chest. The master of the blueprints, her favourite cigar store indian, built the contraption at her insistance after a particularly awkward evening of 'I hear it happens to all men at sometime or another'.

The Revolever, formerly a cigarette lighter in the shape of a derringer, glinted menacingly in her palm. She crouched low to the quiet form of the vole and pulled the trigger. Tinny chords of I'm Only Sleeping spun from the barrel and enveloped the tiny creature, which first trembled, then coughed, then opened his eyes and looked up at her.

"Hello little friend," she whispered. "Welcome back." She reached into her shirtpocket and retrieved a discarded washboard thimble. "Beaujolais? Or perhaps a St. Emilion? A good choice," she pours "buena suerte."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 01:40 PM

The Friend strolls quietly doorwards, his eyes on the stars, holding his Silvertone round end high, as the ambience in the peaceful Tavern begins to flicker vellities of extremely high frequency. He whistles a little three-note whistle, and the twin gerbils leap down from the bar, where they have been both gamboling and cavorting amidst the coasters, and scramble up into his pocket. The evening breezes rustle the Silvertone's strings making faint resonant harmonics in the air. He sets a spell on the Indian, noticing the cleanly drawn white stripes around recently paved parking lot, and hums a Civil War tune about a man who will not be reconstructed and doesn't really care very much....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Peter T.
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 02:12 PM

Mr. Mix watched the involution of the critter with some amazement, as the way it drank out of the thimble in short sips reminded him of his late sainted mother who had done the same, and eventually committed suicide using a Singer sewing machine in a way that for a time occupied substantial column space in the New Jersey Journal of Medicine, but he nevertheless persisted.

"Well, Condolezza, perhaps I can introduce sorority into this pleasant bar. Excuse me, ma'am, but I couldn't help noticing --"

"You could have if you had worked at it. What?"

"I couldn't help noticing how dextrous you were with your surgical instrument, almost perhaps as dextrous as Condolezza Schwartz here, the famous singer, is with her music." Condolezza smiled broadly.

The Vole Lady said: "It's a Swiss Army knockoff. Does many wonderful things. You see this? A miniature missile defence shield. At least as good as the full size model. This? a Revolever. Doubles as a cattle prod. And speaking of the range of male problems", a somewhat formidable blade perked up out of the mass of red metal. "Perfectly good for castration and circumcision in a pinch."

Mr. Mix sat back to absorb this, and check, using his admirable peripheral vision, the exits. Condolezza for her part leaned forward slightly, which for thirty years meant that she couldn't see with the hair in her eyes, and which for thirty years had enabled her to brush her hair back and look at her male admirers with that "voila" approach that had at least a 60:40 success record, 1995-2001 inclusive. Within seconds it was down to 59:41. Trail Mix gave her a glance, and then headed back down the chute. He had encountered high spirited women before, and was not averse to a little friskiness in moderation. He thought about it for a moment, and then reached into his surprisingly adept bag of rhetorical tricks --

"I always felt that doctors must have kind hands to do the work they do."

Meanwhile, over at the dictionary stand by the bar, RaskRep had found TEST and, having wasted time in TESTER, realized that he had to backtrack forward to TESTO, and was flipping pages in earnest....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: SINSULL
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 02:45 PM

PSSST. Spaw! Over here! A nice cold Turkey Turd for you if you promise not to tell anyone. They really meant it when they posted to that thread of healthy recipes for you. Of course it's in a milk carton! I rinsed it twice.

Want a kitten? Have another Turkey Turd...want a kitten?...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 03:11 PM

The table, supporting, once again, the elbows of all three sexes amidst the bottles and glasses, wobbled slightly as the woman leaned forward in a sketchy impersonation of the Condolezza beside her. She flipped her hair too, but the eyes below were bright and read the stranger as quickly, directly and as indifferently as one scans the horoscopes in the paper. Something to do in between the comics.

"You heard the nice lady. Want a kitten? As for the regurgitaion of rhetoric, we could go on all night.....hands, hands, hands....The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands...You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist...Ignorant men don't know what good they hold in their hands until they've flung it away.... The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands...Shall I continue?" she asked The flame flickered in her eyes for a moment longer before she grinned at him and looked away and refilled the vole's thimble.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Peter T.
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 06:00 PM

If Trail had been asked at that moment to describe the state of his mind, he would have said, that it was like that scene in the first Lone Ranger episode where all the Rangers are boxed into the canyon by the whatever gang, and killed, except for the one who escapes, except that this time he doesn't escape, and is gunned down like the rest. Then he had a bright idea!

"If you would continue, ma'am, I would be honored."

Condolezza patted him on the arm. "Did you ever hear my second album -- "Woman on the Barricades of Love"? I had a song on there just like whatever it was she said. It was called, 'Hands Are The Fingers of the Soul'". Makes you think."

Trail looked at her and said, in a muted, but kind way: "What did you say?"

Condolezza said: "Did you ever hear --" and then gave up, and took a swig of her St. Emilion.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 06:04 PM

The faint ring of a minstrel strum seeped through the entry, perfumed by magnolia....

a scratchy baritone summing up a century...

D                    D                        G
 How do we value a man, after all?
 D                    D                       A
 Why do we love him, and answer his call?
 D                                                        G
 Oh, where do we look for the mark of his worth?
 D                                   A                           D
 Or the reason that he is here, walking this earth?
 
D         Em     G
 It's in his heart,
 D                  A
 It's in his heart,
 D                                    Em
 There's no other place to start,
A                    D
 It's in his heart.

D                    D                                          G
 Can you sum up a man by the coin that he holds?
 D                    D                       A
 Or whether he's young, whether he's old?
 D                    D                                          G
 Have you ever pondered the compass that guides
  D                    D                                 A
To follow the straight path, wherever it lies?

D         Em     G
 It's in his heart,
 D                  A
 It's in his heart,
 D                                    Em
 There's no other place to start,
 A                    D
 It's in his heart.
 

 Em                       F#m                Em                 F#m
 Oh, look in his eyes, they're bright and they're true,
 Em                       F#m       G              A
 No matter what colour, they're looking at you,
 Em                       F#m           Em            F#m
 And what do you see, when you look deep inside?
    C           C             A               A
 A man full of love, honour and pride.

 D         Em     G
 It's in his heart,
 D                  A
 It's in his heart,
 D                                    Em
 There's no other place to start,
 A                    D
 It's in his heart.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 10:19 PM

Lightly humming the tune that floated in through the tavern window, she took the thimble away from the inebriated Arvicoline, and put it back into her pocket. She softly whispered, "You've had enough, my friend. That 45 will set you on your lips, and that's no condition to be in with cats about..." before she returned to the vituperations at hand.

"Did you say something?" she asked, and ignoring her own advice to the vole, poured herself a large measure of the St.Emilion.

"I said that if you would continue, ma'am, I would be honored."

"Things won are done," she said as she put her chin in her hand and gave the stranger a glare that was infinitely colder than Shukov's trip to the infirmary, "joy's soul lies in the doing, and as your Condolezza so melodically intoned, the hands are the fingers of the soul. So in effect, your life's joy must rely on what your fingers are doing...Correct? Well then, Mr. Mix, what is it, exactly, that your fingers are doing? Just like she said," nodding towards Condolezza and then taking a long drink from her glass, "it makes you think."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Chip2447
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 11:43 PM

He tried to slip in unnoticed. He was new around here, and somewhat in awe of the knowledge and experience he had found in Mudcatville.
He approached the barkeep, and in a low voice offered to buy a round for the house, all the while whistfully eyeing those perfect pints of the dark frothy stout with the golden heads topping them.
He chose a table where he could watch and listen to the things that were going on in this grand and wonderous place without placing himself in the way.
Yep, he thought to himself, this is a really cool place, glad I found it...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Bert
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 11:53 PM

Ah! this beerstein is great MMario. Here's a bottle of Chateauneuf du Pape that works the same way. Now if someone could find a way to do the same thing with wallets we'll have it made.

Beer, beer bottomless beer!!! Now the only problem is, that when Bert gets hold of a bottomless beerstein he is liable to wax eloquently on old stories that you've all heard before.
Now's when the kids start groaning

Peter talking about Firestone Tires reminds me of that time in Iran, when the tires on our trucks kept blowing out. They were Firestone tires as it happened, but this was before any recent problems. I was just about ready to write to Firestone and complain when I went into the workshop and caught them inflating a tire from the oxygen bottle. I bet they thought that they were really ingenious. After I put a stop to that, we never had another blowout.

Now wherrsh I put thhat beeershty again?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 17 Jul 01 - 11:56 PM

While the stranger sat by Condolezza, the woman signaled the bartender. "A perfect pint of welcome for the new fella. If he's glad he found the place, we're glad to have him."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 12:05 AM

The Friend looks around the doorjamb, checking the ambient arc level and finds it somewhat stable.

"Sir LEJ, an' you will, a giant pint of frothy black vile and bitter for the bright youth newly wandered in! An' it please him. p'rapsd he has a song to offer our be-fumed but ready ears?"

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 12:20 AM

What say you, stranger? Shall you quaff deeply of the communal cup, so freely offered? Methinks that cold ale shared among companions comes near to song in engendering kindness. Woulds't thou be kind enough to share the wine, and sharing thus, be of a kind?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Peter T.
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 09:23 AM

As was becoming disconcertingly the norm, Trail had to stop and think, and since he was somewhat unused to the brake pedal where ladies were concerned, he stalled. "Well, ma'am, to begin with, this lady whose acquaintance I have only just acquired, is certainly not "my Condolezza" -- indeed, I doubt if anyone could possess such a free spirit, wouldn't you agree?" He turned to Condolezza, who had felt a song coming on, and instead of taking her pills as the doctor recommended, had picked up her guitar instead.

"You are right there, cowboy!" she said unconvincingly, even to herself. "And here is a song off my third album, the one that never got distributed, about that very subject, sort of." -- and she began fiercely strumming:

"You were right when you left,
I was left when you left,
But you left me alright, alright, alright, alright,
It's alright!!!!!!!!

You said you had roads to travel,
That's what roads are for,
You said you were leaving town, And that sunset's just a sunrise
Upside down.

Upside down, upside down, a sunset's just a sunrise,
Upside down!!!!

I didn't understand that then,
And I don't understand it now,
But I still keep your boots on my pillow
Though it irks my pajama dog.
Pajama dog, pajama dog, pajama dog --
There's a zipper in my heart, just like my pajama dog."
Pajama dog, pajama dog, there's a zipper in my heart, just like my pajama dog!!!!!"
Condolezza stopped. "It isn't quite finished."

There was a moment of silence in the bar.

Trail said: "It certainly has a kind of something about it, hard to say what." He turned back to Ms. Vole.

"What you were saying about hands is very important. For example," he held out his hand. "My mother, bless her chain stitched heart, taught me to read palms. If you look here, where this line meanders like a loping horse around the mound of Venus, you can see how it frays and disappears into the surrounding flesh. It means that I am unlucky in love, but still out there in the desert of life searching."

Ms. Vole looked at him steadily and said. "I don't want to break your heart, but the Comanches already got your girl."

"Oh," said Trail smoothly, and smiling his winningest smile: "I doubt that. I seriously doubt that."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Geoff the Duck
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 09:56 AM

Amos, the banjo song was beautiful. Please allow me to buy you a large glass of the Tavern's finest! - Your choice!
Geoff the Duck!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 10:49 AM

Geoff:

I agree it is beautiful -- it was an old "darky" song written agaes ago by someone whose name I have forgot. It can still be found on the sheet music sites somewhere. I accept your kind offer!

Make it a Guinness Light!!

And one for the poor vole!!I believe we have just seen a historical first -- a vole vasectomy completed using only a Swiss Army knife and Beaujolais for an anaesthetic.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Jim Cheydi
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 10:59 AM

Oi!!!!!!!!

Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps!!!

I've been here for days and I'm getting impatient.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 11:03 AM

[Peter T I have never seen such a brilliant job of intentionally writing a bad piece!!! BEautifulk!!]

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: MMario
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 11:07 AM

Jim - I sent you a round....(but check out the first post...it's "do unto others night"

Did you want the Caviar flavored crisps or the Tuna and Dill pickle crisps?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 11:26 AM

This was getting revolting, even to the recently revoleted vole. He sat back on his haunches and watched the proceedings for a moment longer before noticing that the tawny glitter go-go hamster appeared to be on break. He scurried off the table, across the floor, and over to the mini-bar.

At the table, the woman gave an exaggerated sigh. "What's next, Mr. Mix? Are you going to read your own tea leaves? Perhaps you have a crystal ball stashed under your hat? Or maybe some tarot cards? I'm only assuming that you haven't read Johan Hartlieb's 'Die Kunst Ciromantia'? It's painfully obvious. Also, I must tell you, if you are going to continue that line of bullshit, you should at least get it right, and for god's sake don't drag your poor mother's reputation down with your own... Give me your hand....no! the one you write with. There."

She cradled his hand in the pair of hers and began to trace. "Your heart line begins under the mound of Mercury, and ends under the mound of Jupiter, not Venus. That's a common mistake to bullshitters like yourself. No, now don't get upset, just relax. See how your little finger falls away from the rest of your hand just a bit? That's the finger of Mercury and Saint Joaquin. Very interesting..." she trails off in her patented MadameRuby voice for effect before continuing , "And what about his Venus then? What of his vitality and appreciation of the beauties of the world?" She gazed at his hand a moment before she slid her finger across his palm and gave Mix a knowing wink and whispering 'ooh la-la!'.

"What you were mistakenly referring to as your 'love line' is in fact your life line. That is the one, here, that runs across the palm by the mound of Venus. That bit where it feathers at the end, Mr. Mix? You know what that means don't you?" She dropped his hand to the table with a thud, "If you keep on this tack, Mr. Mix, you are going to end up in pieces."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 12:38 PM

The door sidled open, and an aging hippie of medium height and weight ambled in, grinning. He had a silver-gray goatee, and long silver-gray hair tied back in a pony tail. He stood still for only a second, his blue eyes reconnoitering the interior of the Mudcat Tavern, then nodded his head, saying in an almost whisper) "farrrr-out." Several heads turned as the stranger moved to the bar and hoisted himself on to a stool.

"Isn't that..?"

"Sure looks like him!"

And he grinned at the bartender who said "well. At last a Real Folksinger."

The long-haired fellow said "well, I reckon I am. At least my Daddy was a sure-fire one, so maybe I'm a Son of a Real Folksinger."

"Do me a favor?" said the barkeep. "Just say 'The New York Through-way's closed, man!'"

The Son of a Real Folksinger kept grinning but his eyes and voice didn't when he said "just bring me a vodka and 7UP", which the bartender did, saying "it's on the house."

"That's damn nice of ya" said SRF.

"No problem," said the Bartender," it's all on the house today."

"Good policy. How do you come up with such a clever promotional concept?" said SRF.

"Easy. I just ask myself 'what would Woody do?'"

"Far out."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 01:09 PM

I got a blackjack heart
Now what you wanna bet
I'm over twenty-one
And your match you've met
I got a blackjack heart
I will cut you cold
You got to tell me what you want
Do you hit or do you hold
Deal it from the top
Baby, baby don't stop
I got a real raw deal
And it made me mean
I've got a blackjack heart
It's a shuffling machine
Oh try to understand
When you're dealing with a man
You know a blackjack woman
Plays a cool, slow hand

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Peter T.
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 02:02 PM

"Well," said Trail, who suddenly remembered that when you are in quicksand, flailing about is not the right thing to do; rather the answer is to fling yourself flat out on the mud, "I am at least relieved you didn't find the sign of the Pentagram on my palm."
Ms. Vole replied: "I remind you of Maria Ouspenkaya, do I?"
For a moment, Trail tried to recall if you turned the handle to the side or the front in handreading, and then realized that he was confusing it with tealeaves, and gave up. He decided that, while things did not look all that promising, it was not exactly Ed McMahon coming through the mailslot either; so he resolved to try his #7B, which had been barred from use in truck stop restaurants across America by the GCWOA (Gum Chewing Waitresses of America). It required a little segue.

"No, no, gypsy lady, I was assuming that you had little experience with werewolves like me."
She looked at him in complete disgust. She reached down into her bag, and pulled out a box of silver bullets, two thirds empty. She set it on the table, and rattled it, and him.

He decided to move into #7B a little faster --
"The truth is -- I sure do hate to keep having to not refer to you by name, Ms.?" (No response. He plunged on.) "Well, I'll tell you, while you were looking deep into my palm, and running your fingers through my soul" -- He turned to Condolezza who was really bored with this conversation, and smiled, and he wasn't getting any response there either, and wondered if he were in a metaphysical sense selling carpets over the phone at dinnertime, but anyway, he turned back -- "I found myself" (and he began to find himself) "I found myself looking into your eyes, and I saw some tiny flecks of gold in them, and they reminded me that searching for love is a lot like panning for gold. There you are, out in the rushing stream of life, gravel and grit everywhere, and the heat burning down, and everyone telling you there is nothing there, it is a bust, and then one day when you are soaked through to the skin, and down to your last tray, you see the tiniest glimmer, and maybe it is a mirage, a sunspray from your tired eyes, but no, and then there you are in the middle of nowhere, and what can you do but slowly walk upstream? The stream forks, it passes over hill and dale, and tumbling rock, and yet you slowly move against the current. Days when nothing pans out, and then a bit more of a glimmer, and a bit more, and it is not only upstream, but uphill all the way towards the mother lode. And around you are bushwackers and claimjumpers and geologists and flies, and yet you keep moving up. And, one day, you come to where the stream breaks out of the rock, and you go a little crazy, and the rain comes down and, you go into a wild dance up there on the mountain, and, and ---" and he ran out of metaphor.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 03:52 PM

She leaned back in her chair a bit, and softly began to laugh. "Panning for gold takes a lot of patience, Mr. Mix. All fun and games for the yuppies on a weekend trip to the sluice, but they never seem to find much of any importance. Why do you think that is?" Mix shook his head a moment, and gave her that dazed look of a quail on the center stripe of the highway, the one that wonders to itself just exactly how it got in this situation when all it was going for was a nice little walk.

In his own quest for the mother lode known as 'Go-Go Tawney', the ReVole rolled two quarters to the end of the bar near the jukebox and waved at the bartender. A few moments later, the song filled the tiny room. She watched amusedly as the tavern occupants cut their respective rugs, then turned to the stranger. "What do you say, Mr.Mix? It's no wild dance on the mountain, to be sure..." She stood and held his misread hands.

"I don't dance with strangers," he stubbornly replied, yet stood anyway, and glancing down at her, continued, "And you have yet to tell me your name."
She appeared pensive for a brief moment, poised with her fingertip to her lip before she replied: "You can call me Uncle."
"You're kidding, you mean to tell me that's your name?" he asked
"No," she said, "but you seem to have such little familiarity with actually saying it, I thought the practice might do you some good."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Peter T.
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 04:49 PM

The song was a Condolezza Schwartz ditty, during her ill-timed "folk-rock prophecy" period, since it was released in 1974, but it did have a catchy beat. Condolezza beamed as the dancers hit the floor, and mouthed what she could remember of the words. It was called "Love is Two Consonants, One Vowel, and The Rest is Silence": --

"You say to me come to Ohio, but did you know
That you can get high between the first o and the last, baby?
That there is many a mile between the beginning and the end of smiles, baby?
Love is our suitcases coming down the carousel at the airport together, and falling all over each other the way they do sometimes, and
All We Are Saying Is Love Is Two Consonants, One Vowel, and the Rest is Silence!!!!!!!!!"

(Heavy Power Chords for 30 seconds. The hamster and the vole bounce up and down. The bar fills with dance and smoke.)
"Oh Baby, do I have to wait for continental drift to bring us together?
You are like Greenland, which is bigger on the map than it is in reality,
But it is all a projection, Mercator, equator,
See you later, alligator
Love is like when you wake up in the morning and you look over at the alarm clock and you have five more minutes before you have to get up, and then you go back to sleep and you wake up and you look over at the alarm clock and you still have five more minutes before you have to get up, and you go back to sleep for about five seconds and then you sit up because your alarm clock has died, and you are way late for work, BAAAAAABBBBYYYY!!!
All We Are Saying IS LOVE IS TWO CONSONANTS, ONE VOWEL, AND THE REST IS SILENCE!!!! (Loud Noise!!!!!"

Everyone applauds. Trail Mix turns to Uncle and says: "Might I get you a lemonade, ma'am?"

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 05:14 PM

Peter and Jen, I stand amazed (again). Let me get the two of you a bottle of Moet Chandon White Star Brut.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 05:54 PM

And a toast to the best writers this sid eof the Cyber Divide!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Peter T.
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 06:32 PM

I must confess I am eagerly waiting for Condolezza to produce the sheet music for the "pajama dog" song.

yours, Peter T.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 06:37 PM

Actually, it flows pretty well to 'Land of 1000 Dances'...scary stuff.

Toasts right back at you all. There is WhiteStar to share, ta Leej.

~J

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Hollowfox
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 06:41 PM

Hollwfox comes in from work, as usual she is a bit late and a bit disheveled. After checking with the barkeep , she borrows some glasses and pours out some sweet poteen for Sandy Paton for inviting her here in the first place, for Max, Susan, Dick Greenhaus, for making it possible in the first place, for Joe Offer for fixing the loose bits, and for George Ward who is fun to be with in a classy bar like this. I'd pour one for Kendall, too, but he didn't say whether he liked it at Old Songs or not. Thinking on it a bit, she calls for ciders for all those hard working elves. Then she sits down and looks around hopefully. It's been a long day, and she could use a glass of something..

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Gareth
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 06:48 PM

Carefull Jen Ellen, White star ran the RMS TITANIC - not to be introduced to ice

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 06:57 PM

Have a glass of champagne, Hollowfox?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Peter T.
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 06:59 PM

Trail Mix was gingerly bringing a lemonade to the Lady Uncle, when, by popular demand, Condolezza rose up from her chair like the singer of the Marseillaise in Casablanca, and said, fervently:

"But that was the B side of that record!!! The A side was "MY ODE TO GREG!!!! ": -- and she began to wail --

"They said we were above and beyond reproach, but darling,
Every time you approach,
Something inside me says, coach,
I want to be within reproach of you!!!"(BIG JOHNNY CASH BASS LICK)

"Which came first, baby, the chicken or the egg?
My love for you is like a chicken omelette, it is so complicated in its origins,
But how can I beg?
I feel so certain that I cannot encroach,
And yet, Greg,
I want to be within reproach of you!!!!!!" (BIGGER JOHNNY CASH BASS LICK)

"Though you say that we can't cheat on her, I think your
Definition of "cheating" is too suspicious, too nutritious,
Like goatcheese --
Oh, darling, we ought to be reproachees!!
I want so bad to be within reproach of you!!!!!!! (BIG FINISH). She sits, her hair falls in her face, she sweeps it back in the big "voila".

The equivalent of the applause at the end of the Marseillaise fills the bar.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 07:06 PM

Thanks Gareth. Although through brief, and more than likely inaccurate, calculations... I appear to have added to that TitanicChampagne: 1/2 bottle of cabernet, Beaujolais (16glasses plus a bottle), a few pints of the Raskolnikov, 1/2 bottle of StEmilion, and a glass of lemonade.... An iceberg might just be appropriate at this juncture. *hic* And can you please point the way to the ladies room?

~J

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Gareth
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 07:13 PM

JenEllen

Obvoiusly that Lemonade has made you feel a little unwell.

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 07:26 PM

The Friend approaches Condolezza and whispers quietly in her ear for a few seconds. She turns and lets her hair whirl past her neck while gazing wiltingly at him. He gives her a warm smile and a peck on the cheek, for which she simpers nicely, and crosses to Jen's table, toward which she is slowly returning from a surprisingly long visit out aft.

He hands her two horse-scale tablets of neon green, and gives her a smile of her own -- and exactly why none could tell, but was it a differnt smile? The angle of the jaw? The set of the teeth? The elevation of the left eyebrow -- it seemed, as some smiles do, to linger in the space resonating.

"Ginseng, B-complex, astaxanthin and a little aspirin. It'll set you completely right in three minutes."

She accepts them with a weaving hand, holding the back of her chair with grim resolve, and slumps down into her chair, throwing the giant tablets down the hatch as she does. Her eyes clear and her ears perk up, and she looks around.

"Thanks, Friend! Amazing stuff! Condolezza, I am jealous -- you write such beautiful songs!! Where do you get your inspiration?"

The Friend slips nightward once again, gazing toward the far faint constellations, smelling the night air with its delicate scent of magnolia languishing beside slow rivers, and noticing the faint trace odor of singed kittens...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 08:18 PM

The MudcatTavern ladies room was amazingly spacious. Complete with very uncomfortable loveseat and wilted magazines. The girl from Uncle stood there, kicking her shoes off and enjoying the coolness of the floor while perusing. There was even a recent People Magazine cover of Condolezza herself, and as she glanced through the article, she realized it to be not so much of a 'where are they now' as a 'where were they then'.

She selected a tattered copy of Barmaid Monthly and pulled a stall door shut behind herself. In the magazine was one of those 'things people do that tell you alot about them' articles, and forgetting why she went into the stall in the first place, she began to read. 'People that go into the furthest stall from the door are generally very private people, while those that go in the stall nearest the door are all business.'

"No shit." she thought to herself, as she stuck her head out and briefly counted doors to see what kind of person she was. There wasn't a listing for 'third door down', but she assumed it wasn't great. Not all together bad, like the stall you go into when you punch the speed dial on your cell phone to call home, and the breathy female voice that answers isn't yours. That's a bad stall indeed. No, this stall was in fact, physically and metaphysically, a very real stall, but at least there was paper.

When the room finally quit spinning enough for her to finish the article, she left the ladies and returned to the table, gratefully accepting the horse pills and washing them down with a swig of Mix's lemonade. Better already.

Icebergs, indeed. She finally managed to speak. "Condolezza, dear, may I borrow your guitar? For our newcomer Gareth, the only Titanic song I know....

Oh it was midnight on the sea
And a band played "Nearer my God to thee"
Fare thee Titanic, oh fare thee well
It was midnight on the sea
And a band played "Nearer my God to thee"
Fare thee Titanic, oh fare thee well

Jack Johnson went to get onboard
Now the captain said, "We don't haul no coal"
Fare thee Titanic, oh fare thee well
And Jack Johnson went to get onboard
That captain said, "We don't haul no coal"
Fare thee Titanic, oh fare thee well

Titanic went around a curve
And she run into a big iceberg
Fare thee Titanic, oh fare thee well
Titanic went around a curve
And she run into a big iceberg, didn't see it
Fare thee Titanic, oh fare thee well

There were lifeboats all around
Save the woman and the children, let the men go down
Fare thee Titanic, oh fare thee well
There were lifeboats all around
Save the woman and the children, let the men go down
Fare thee Titanic, oh fare thee well

Jack Johnson, when he heard the news
He started shakin' them blues
Fare thee Titanic, oh fare thee well
Jack Johnson, when he got the shock
Should of seen him dance the Eagle Rock
Fare thee Titanic, oh fare thee well

And it's midnight on the sea
And a band played "Nearer my God to thee"
Fare thee Titanic, oh fare thee well
And it was midnight on the sea
And a band played "Nearer my God to thee"
Fare thee Titanic, oh fare thee well
And it's fare thee Titanic, oh fare thee well

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: SINSULL
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 09:18 PM

Singed kittens???? Has Alice been warming them on the pilot light again. Damn. Got to go!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 18 Jul 01 - 10:56 PM

And for Leej, the wonderful bartender and pourer of equally wonderful champagne, a little lullabye to go with your single malt:

Floating down a dream river
With the moon and stars above
Maybe the can help me find a way
To have your love

Sleeping in the darkest room
Dreaming you are in my arms
Oh how I wish my dream comes true
With all my heart

Don't want this night to end
Don't want to live without you
Floating down a dream river
With you by my side
I know it's make believe- but please don't wake me
I don't mind

(whistles a few bars of 'You Belong to Me')

Don't want this night to end
Don't want to live without you
Floating down a dream river
With you by my side
I know it's make believe- but please don't wake me
I don't mind
I know it's make believe- but please don't wake me
I don't mind

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Chip2447
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 12:36 AM

The newcomer, sitting aside, out of the way, raises his glass in thanks.
After, a long draught, and some serious pondering, he finally steels himself and draws forth a large clay bass ocarina. Offering a silent prayer to Cleigh he plays a few slow, almost meloncholy notes on the big bass oc.
He hoped that his voice wouldn't drive cats, dogs, and other small animals into fits of suicidal mania.

"Kind friends and companions,
come join me in rhyme.
Come lift up your voices,
in chorus with mine.
Come lift up your voices,
all grief to refrain.
for we may or may never,
all meet here again.

Here's a health to the company,
and one to the Lass.
Let us drink and be merry
all out of one glass.
Let us drink and be merry,
all grief to refrain.
For we may or may never
all meet here again....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 01:32 AM

A quiet but intense cheer ripples through the shadowed tavern populace, the fresh celebration of a nrew voice having stepped from the shadows. Huzzah, huzzah -- good man, sweet tomnes, and the right vibes!! Let's hear it for a new 'Catter, Chip-some-number- yclept!! Bravo!!

And so to sleep, perchance to drum -- ah, there's the rub! 'Tis only time condemns our souls to folly,
For souls beyond it's bars are always free;
And seeing clearly, true, are often jolly,
While time-chained venom deadens such as we... Good night, sweet bards and bardesses, farewell,
Another night, another Tavern tale to tell!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Hollowfox
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 11:36 AM

"Aah, thanks, Leej. This here sham-pain is much nicer than the real thing." Having finished her attempt at imitating that other Ohioan, she settles back to sip and savor the bubbly, and join on the choruses. Ohh yess, that feels goood!
Amos, that last verse was magnificent.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 01:17 PM

Nice stuff Moosie, you and Chip take a few pints from a lady? Thought you would!

Now, where is that friendly stranger with the pixie-dust pills? There had to be more than vitamins in there....a song for him then:

(strums away all byrds-y and full of noodle-jangle)
Every time you pass me by
I sit alone and wonder why
I try so hard to catch your eye
When I don't even know your name

With my eyes I've seen the world
But never have I been a girl
To want to fall in love this way
And I don't even know your name

(noodle break)

In my mind a thousand times
I've played my part and read my lines
You and I would be the stars
And I don't even know your name

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Chip2447
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 01:49 PM

Tink tink tink... "A TOAST" he said as he stood and raised his pint.

"Lad and Lasses,
lift your glasses
in toast to family and friends.
Raise your cups,
and drink it up,
May the music never end.
Three cheers for the landlord,
HUZZAH, HUZZAH, HUZZAH.
And three more for the company,
HUZZAH, HUZZAH, HUZZAH
May the music forever remain in your hearts,
and your hearts forever remain in your music..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: mousethief
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 01:56 PM

Ye gods, they're drunk and singing. Time to squeak my way through the mousehole and on outta here....

O..O
=o=

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 02:10 PM

The tall and quiet Friend stands in the shadowed entryway, entranced by beauty as the gentle chords of the Vole Adjustrix' song wash over his soul. Knotted and buried chords of life force spring apart and release themselves in fresh harmonics of memory, delight, and tinges of regret. Tincture of horizon light, the call from the edge of the world at first morning seeps through his nerves like stardust paints dreams, and he cannot tell for a moment where he is, and whether he is a smile, a tear, or a dewdrop in some greening treasured grove of endless, pleasant trees...

As the song fades and the world reforms around him, he smiles again, blows the fairest Jen a quiet kiss through the open doorway, wrapped in a cloud of warm admiration, and turns to the giant Indian which stands ready, agleam in the moonlight, alive in the warmth of the parking lot.

A quiet, powerful sobbing rolls across the night, the thunder of a huge muffled engine, bringing visions of throbbing diesels on dark coastal passages to the minds of the happy crowd within. It rises to a burbling bellow briefly, dampens, take sup load, accelerates and fades as the great machine wends into the night along the endless road toward reality and the unknown...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 02:12 PM

The Woman from Uncle finishes her lemonade and stretches head to toe as she watches the BigMouse scurrying for the LittleHole. Someone needs to nail his tail to the floor for not singing more himself! She turns to the bearer of lemonade and sighs, "You have been a real pain in my.."
"Neck?" he offers.
"No," she replies, "Lower...Let me borrow the FriendlySilvertone and give you your song, then."

I've been searchin', and you've been gone
I'm looking for the shortest path
To the one that you are on
And I've already seen all I wanna see
C'mon let's take the long cut
I think that's what we need

When we were younger, and we were strong
We felt a lot better
For the things that we'd done
If you believe, if you still believe
C'mon let's take the long cut
I think that's what we need
If we take the long cut
We'll get there eventually

I've been searchin, and you've been gone
I'm looking for the shortest path
To the one that you are on
It used to be, and if you still believe
C'mon let's take the long cut
I think that's what we need
If we take the long cut
We'll get there eventually

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Gareth
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 03:41 PM

And the night descends, the oil black torpidity quieting and descending over the little town. A dim lamp glows outside the tavern, in the distance the hiss of the sea.

And the shade of a soggy polar bear looks down and growls in a plantiff caveat " They rember the Titanic, but do they ever sing about the Iceberg "

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: MMario
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 03:49 PM

from under the table comes a jumble of lyrics and then this.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 06:52 PM

(LOL MMario, beats the hell out of brain worms)

TrailMix was returning to the table with another pitcher of lemonade and 5 glasses, just as the handsome stranger Friend leaned over and whispered into the ear of the girl from Uncle.
"What do you mean?" Uncle sat back sharply in her chair, duly frightening the RaskRep, "That wasn't good enough? Everybody gets their love song, and he got his."
StrangerFriend looked at her admonishingly and just shook his head 'nope'.
"Well, excuse me if it's not 'Tea for Two to Tango', or 'You Wiggle Me Like the Wonky Wheel on the Grocery Cart of Love'!" she looked apologetically at Condolezza.
"It's okay, dear" shrugged Condolezza, as she reached over and patted Uncle's hand "We can't all be....well...Me."

Uncle drummed her fingers on her borrowed guitar and stared at the ceiling for a moment. She then worked out a few wah-wah snake charmer chords on the guitar before beginning. "Fine then," she said, "A love song for Trail Mix":

I'm contemplating, constantly debating
Yeah, I'm thinking
I've been falling in love with you
I hope you want me to
You're incredible, so irresistable
It's undeniable
I've really falling in love with you
I hope you want me to
Caught my attention then you grabbed my heart
I felt your good vibrations right from the start
Now I don't want to move to fast
I want to make sure that it's gonna last
But I've been afraid to tell you
I'm contemplating, constantly debating
Yeah, I'm thinking
I've been falling in love with you
I hope you want me to
You're incredible, so irresistable
It's undeniable
I've really falling in love with you
I hope you want me to
I hope you want me to

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 07:13 PM

Well, since I'm getting sober... barkeep, I'll buy a tray of TTB's for that Wildebeeste in the corner. No, he's gone to the water hole right now. He'll be back in a minute. Just set them on the table and I'll sit there and wait for him. Now, where's my Hran ? Who's going to sing one while I beat my skin ?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: mousethief
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 07:27 PM

Have you got rhythm?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 07:38 PM

Lots of em. You lay a verse and a chorus down and I'll intro the second stage and support you through the rest. Just make sure to sign me BEFORE the last verse/chorus.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: mousethief
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 07:51 PM

Oh me I am just a randy young mouse
And a randy young mouse is me
I've searched for a mouse-girl all over the house
But there isn't one that I can see

No there isn't a mouse-girl that I can find
And I'm starting to get rather sad
I'll see what I think is a mouse from behind
But's a rat, and I find I've been had

O! Woe it is me!
O my! Mercy gee!
I'm weary and down on my luck
I'll just go on home
And be all alone
If I can't find a mouse-girl to ... uh ... talk to.

Psst -- gnu -- your turn

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 07:55 PM

LMAO you two!!! That is beautiful!

(aside to Sorcha: HIDE THE GO-GO HAMSTERS!!!)

~Uncle

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 07:59 PM

NO BYE. No Hran at the moment. Ye's gettin SCREECHED IN on the Hoser thread. PUCKER UP !!!! Meanwhille, I'm trowin some mackeral on the BBQ. Good luck. May you be a man and take it, if your dorry fails to make it.

PS... stir the rum wit yer finger so's ya don't look to much like a mainlander, eh ?

gnightgnu

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Gareth
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 08:09 PM

From the back comes the sound of a typically South Wales Pub Chorus - Voices like badley mounted and tuned amplifiers, thinking that they have all the musical skills of Max Boyce, Shirley Bassey, and Sir Geraint Evans rolled into one - Voices well lubricated by pints and pints of Brains bitter - Ah, Songs came on a tray !

"There is a Tavern on the Net, on the Net,
It's there our voices we do wet, we do wet
There's flames and trolls and voices free
So far from the reality, the reality !

Do not let this forum leave you
Do not let the Mousethief grieve you,
For remember that the broad Atlantic does us part
Log on, log off, log on to you, to you
The Mudcat Tavern will us do, will us do
We'll hang our posts on the MicroSoft tree,
And Always, Always visit thee.

There then follows a halted silence as all realise that their pint pots are empty, and the first to approach the barkeep will have to buy around for the rest.

A lone voice suggests a round of "Cosher Bailey", followed by a cacaphoney of Laptops beung plugged in and the verses of the afore said Cosher Bailey being down loaded. Pavane tunes up, as the musician he realises that he is immune from the ignomony of failing to produce a verse, and being landed with settling the bar bill.

"Have you ever saw,
Have you ever saw,
Have you ever saw,
Such a funny thing before."

And now GNU, Its up to you !

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: gnu
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 08:12 PM

Shite... one more thing Alex... that was excellent, buddy. I wish my brain wasn't fried from twelve hours on the job and copious quantities afterwards or I would stay and banter. However, it's either eat and hit the bunk or drink all night... and zero five dark hundred hours tomorrow morning is weighing heavy on my mind.

BTW, make sure they get a FRESH cod. Them slimey ones'll turn ya.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 08:14 PM

In staggers Jack, smellin of twine and turpintine

JACK WAS EVERY INCH A Catter

Now, 'twas twenty-five or thirty months Since Jack left Canada He came into the U S A On a wi\ork Visa. He happened on mudcat one day And knew just what to do, 'Join in the discussion group And talk with folks like you.

cho: Jack has always been a Newfie MainLand turkey's think that's goofy Jack has always been a Newfie He drinks beer like no one else you see

Jack: I got a bottle a screech and a codfish nder me aem and I aint leavin til dat mouse becomes an onerary Newfoundlander.

Now where is da little beggar?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 19 Jul 01 - 08:23 PM

All ya gotta do h'is kiss da codfish, yes on da lips, den drink some Screech. Den ya says "Long may your big jib draw!" den you h'are h'an 'onerary Nflder. Screech is liquor in a bottle wit a map of Newfoundland on da label. Some says h'its rum. I says h'iuts a cruel joke we plays on da mainlanders. Imagine nasty dark rum wit h'amonia h'added for flavour. Here's da stuff. let me know when you are done!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: MAG
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 12:41 AM

Well well well; I'm away for two days and I come home to a wonderful thread. A virtual beer for Mudjack, even tho' he never visits here; a bottomless pint for Max, since no one ever seems to bring it to him on Tuesday nights (4:00 my time Max); I think bbc, our first barmaid drank brew, too. It's only 9:30 in my time zone, and I got disconnected clicking on MMario's link above. Be patient with a sound newbie. I've always got a jillion new things I have to click on Paltalk whenever I try to use it.

I was, by the by, on a job interview which is looking very very good. I will say more if and when. Actually, a round on the house. house?? anybody there??

damn. nobody around to hit up for a waltz??

-- MAG

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 12:53 AM

C'mon, Mag!! Congratulations, and let's have young Jon stand you to a pint of the best bubbly!! I think the jukebox has "Walla Walla Woman Blues" on it -- wanna dance?

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: MAG
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 01:00 AM

You're on, Amos. Ah, to dance with a fine songwriter. Don't know that I've ever tried to dance to the blues before. I'm more of a square and contra and waltzer, tho' I do love to listen to the blues.

Ah, her comes my song now ...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 01:25 AM

Well, it's jes' slooow dancin', so you can listen at the same time, see? Where you gonna work, now, you get this hot job? No more liberry?:>)

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: wysiwyg
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 01:26 AM

Huh, you missed it, dancing over in PalTalk. Be Bop A Lula!

Nite guys.

~S~

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: MAG
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 01:34 AM

Well, we can slow dance back here in the tavern, Amos. I'd rather wait until it's for sure, tho' it's gotten to the call-the-references stage. It is still in libraryland; it's my only marketable skill.

"Drop some suugar ... in my bowl ..."

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 02:03 AM

The bartender turns with a smile from eavesdropping on Amos and mag and says "here, Jon, let me refill your beaker with ale. Jon?"

A stranger speaks up. "You mean the bearded Englishman with the banjo. No, he just left. Said he had miles to go, and didn't know when he'd be back."

The bartender is thoughtful as he rinses the beer mug and dries it on the bar towel. Turning, he places it on a high shelf with some other empty steins. "Well," says the bartender, "I'll save this for him." The bartender picks up a 12 string guitar and says to no one in particular and everyone in general "this is for my friend Jon."

Days up and down they come, like rain on a conga drum
Forget most, remember some, but don't turn none away
Everything is not enough, and nothing is too much to bear
Where you've been is good and gone, all you keep is the getting there

To live is to fly both low and high
So shake the dust off your broken wings
And the tears out of your eyes

Goodbye to all my friends, its time to go again
Just think about the poetry and the pickin' down the line
I'll miss the system here, the bottom's low and the treble's clear
But it don't pay too much to dwell on the things you leave behind

To live is to fly both low and high
So shake the dust off your broken wings
And the tears out of your eyes

We've all got holes to fill, and them holes are all that's real
Some fall on you like a storm, sometimes you dig your own
The choice is yours to make, the time is yours to take
Some sail upon the Sea, some toil upon the stone

To live is to fly both low and high
So shake the dust off your broken wings
And the tears out of your eyes

The bartender puts his guitar back in the wall bracket, and the smile comes out again.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: The Sugar Dog (inactive)
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 02:13 AM

The last sighing sound of the song and the smile have drawn a wandering four-legged from the dark night's surrounding, vaporous air. She shoots in through the dog door and slips around the back of the bar to curl up out of the way of the bartender's feet, and takes a deep settling breath. As the air courses through her she reaches a calm she has longed for... and breathes the sweetened air back out in a soft sigh of her own. Sleep will surely follow, and dreams of new ventures... hers, and others'.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: MAG
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 02:53 AM

Pumpkin time, friends; and speaking of pumpkins, which we weren't, I know, I have them growing out of my rotary composter. they sprouted there and I didn't have the heart to turn the crank. Anyway, nite, all. -- MA

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 08:48 AM

Gareth... missed that one last night. Good one.

Alex...

Oh me I am just a horny young gnu And a horny young gnu is me I've searched up and down through valleys and mesas too But there's nare a gnu-girl I can see

No there's nary a gnu-girl to be found And I'm starting to turn rather blue If I don't find me a girl with whom I can bound I'll be eyeing other mamals too

O! Woe it is me! O my! Mercy gee! I'm weary and down on all fours If I don't find her soon I'll just whistle a tune As I go to town for a … uh … treat

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 08:54 AM

Oh gnu!! You know the old saying -- no gnus is not bad gnus!! That was wunnerful.

LEJ, man, that is a classic, and has your stampe on it. As good as Thirsty Boots or any of them 60's classics by far!!

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 09:07 AM

Ladies!

Gentlemen!

'Possums!

A toast. To Jon Freeman. Words fail me, but may our best wishes travel with him wherever he may be.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 09:19 AM

This thread is a bit long, so... for those who haven't seen it, there's a farewell thread by/for John... Farewell to the Mudcat ( or something simmilar ). Gotta go or I would blue clicky it.

While I'm here, however, another toast to a 'Cat among 'Cats.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 12:38 PM

Amos, it IS a classic. I'm not bragging, 'cause the late great Townes Van Zandt wrote it. It seemed to have Jon Freeman's name on it this time though. It's one of my favorites. Pick up Rear View Mirror by Townes. It's on there.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Jim Cheydi
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 12:56 PM

TWO PINTS OF LAGER AND A PACKET OF BLOODY CRISPS!!!!!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 01:01 PM

Uhhhh...will the beef flavoured crisps do?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 01:10 PM

And a coupla pints of Raskolnikov do for ya?

One for me too, please, and a toast to Jon, singer of songs, winner of dogs, righter of wrongs. See ya round the bend ol'doggie daddy.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 01:22 PM

For gosh sakes, what's wrong you people. The poor man is dying of thirst... TWO PINTS OF LAGER AND A PACKET OF BLOODY CRISPS on my tab for Jim. I think he means he wants the ketchup flavoured potatoe chips. I'll get JenEllen's as well.

Bloody fine rule LEJ - getting everybody to suck up to each other for a drink. BTW, a poor gnu could do with some muddy water at this oasis before the lions show up.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 01:26 PM

if you want it - here's your muddy waters

I sent jim his bloody lagers a couple o' times. not my fault some damn flamingo keeps drinkin them before they get to him!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 01:28 PM

Sure gnu...would you substitute a Raskolnikov for the muddy water? Tastes about the same, and with marginally less chance of your developing an intestinal disaster that would clear the tavern.....Bartender, set up the gnusome gnuman for me, wouldja please?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 01:29 PM

flamingo...or heron?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 01:47 PM

heron? Sorry Ma'am. No addictive substances sold here. Try the Hoser Tavern just north of the border.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 02:05 PM

Beer with animals on the can? For a goil that's been feted with all these fancy bottled delights in this here tavern? umm...maybe later...*g*

as for the heron, it's loads better than the flame'n'go that seems to be the blue plate special everywhere else. Let me buy HIM a drink (in a tall glass please)

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: gnu
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 02:28 PM

MMario. Got Muddy on the cassette, full tilt. Thanks Jenny my dear. I needed that. As for the Heron, it must be a Blue Heron, no ? The Blue Heron is the offical bird of New Brunswick. Down at my buddy's cottage in Pointe-du-Chene (Shediac is all you'll find on a map) we call them the Blues Herons because thay always seem to be so slow and lethargic. I am hoping low tide be will on early Sunday morning before the sun worshippers get too thick as at least a half dozen pair of these magnificent creatures will be in the shallows about fifty yards from my buddy's front lawn. Quite something to watch them feed and groom.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 03:05 PM

This heron is blue, sure. Waylon Heron, he of leather jumpsuit and worldwide adventure....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: MMario
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 03:12 PM

do a search on the forum for Waylon Heron - you may or may not like the results.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Chip2447
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 05:14 PM

The new guy walks back in, no one noticing that he had slipped out the back. He sits a five gallon carboy of his home brewed "Barbarian Magic" apple cyser mead on the bar.

"For anyone so inclined." He tells the beertender.
"And another round or two for the house on me, just to keep the music well lubricated and primed."
He returned to his out of the way table and quietly played on his ocarinas...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Chip2447
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 05:15 PM

The new guy walks back in, no one noticing that he had slipped out the back. He sits a five gallon carboy of his home brewed "Barbarian Magic" apple cyser mead on the bar.

"For anyone so inclined." He tells the beertender.
"And another round or two for the house on me, just to keep the music well lubricated and primed."
He returned to his out of the way table and quietly played on his ocarinas...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Chip2447
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 05:18 PM

Apologizing profusly for the redunant wanderings, perhaps I've had a wee bit too much....

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 05:37 PM

Blue Heron by Howlin Loon

I got the wadin in the water, filterin for fishes blues I got the wadin in the water, filterin for fishes blues So I came to the tavern to have some sardines and booze

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Gareth
Date: 20 Jul 01 - 09:36 PM

dawn creeps in over the little village, still cold rosy light filtering over the tavern, cautious in case it achieves a hangover by association.

There on the stoep sits Angus the Dog, alert to protect his mistress from wandering Trolls, she is still suffering from the effects of two much Lemonade in the Alchol steam.

A wandering Newfie walks by with two of the last Cod from the Grand banks.

"Don't worry", says the bluenose, "I left a breeding pair !"

"Ah yes," says Sammy the Seal, " I had to cross the wide Atlantic for them, all the way from the lake in Kairdif's Victoria Park (*), and very tasty they were too. Old Captain Cat, and the rest of the fishermen of Llareggub have had to lay up their boats. Theres no Cod in the Irish Sea any more. 'Zanzibar' and 'Star of Wales' will rest at their moorings."

From the back bar the 197th verse of "Cosher Bailey" croaks out, expelled by Welsh voices determined that they will not be forced to conceed and buy a round.
For some reason there has been a song creep. "Sir Patrick Spens" verss have sideled in. No one notices, some one is sing far too loud and flat.

Paddy McGinties Goat (DT) approaches, looking for stray Groundnuts and remaindered drinks. Angus points out in hushed tones that the bar contains Welshman. The Goat leaves.

The bar keep asks "Havn't you got homes to go to ?"

The reply is Next Post

Gareth

(*) Sammy the Seal - A Cardiff true story -
he/she survived 15 years or so living in the ornemental lake in Victoria Park, in Kairdif, from the 1920's. How Sammy got there no one knows. Legend had it Sammy would hop on and off a tram in the Cowbridge Road for a trip to the Taff Embankment and back - but that's the subject for another thread. And the songs and poems on Sammy.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: JenEllen
Date: 21 Jul 01 - 02:53 AM

Dear soul, Angus and I will both spot you a pint, just watch out for that lemonade...gets ya right where it hurts, it does.

Now what about this seal?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Amos
Date: 21 Jul 01 - 10:59 AM

It's the Great Seal of Approval. According to legend, he comes up to sailors far away at sea under duress and when it appears, it brings about a calming effect on the weather. Sailors of all nations and genders have courted his favors when the going gets rough. For reasons lost in antiquity, he has come to be known as Ralph.

Even in these modern times, you can hear sailors call at the rail for him, when they fear for their lives in high weather.

Sometimes several of them join voices in order to improve their chances of luring him from deep waters. They speak in gruff seal-like harmonies, leaning over the ship's rails and calling "Ralph!! Ralph!!" while casting offerings of specially prepared libations and foodstuffs -- nothing you would like, special formulae handed down from antiquity -- upon the waters.

A

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Lonesome EJ
Date: 21 Jul 01 - 11:57 AM

They will also sometimes summon the Egypto-Celtic Goddess of Calm Seas, Ka-hop Toohey.

I think I owe you another beer for the above post Amos.

:}

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 21 Jul 01 - 12:08 PM

Did someone say seal? I could shore put away a feed of flipper pie! I guess dat h'explains da Newfoundland weather. Dat seal o'proval wouldn't stand a chance back 'ome.

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Gareth
Date: 21 Jul 01 - 08:47 PM

funny Amos, this side of the pond we call him Huwey,

And really bad sailors, in extreamis, lean over the head calling "Huwey, Huwey"

Is there a cultural difference ?

Gareth

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Jim Cheydi
Date: 24 Jul 01 - 05:29 AM

TWO PINTS OF LAGER AND A PACKET OF CRIIIIIIIIIIISPS!!!!

Chronic dehydration.

Have I got a bone through me nose or summink?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Kim C
Date: 24 Jul 01 - 04:08 PM

What does the belly dancer have to do to get a drink?

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Jack the Sailor
Date: 24 Jul 01 - 04:47 PM

A round for da 'ouse!!!

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: MAG
Date: 24 Jul 01 - 04:51 PM

Hi, all, just a quick dash-in while I have an hour. Dasn't drink lunch; can't show up to work that way, but if the BBQ pit is fired up and cookin' in the back ...

Subject: RE: BS: Mudcat Tavern 'On the House'
From: Chip2447
Date: 25 Jul 01 - 01:20 AM

A pair o pints of lager, and a packet of crisps for Jim with the bone through his nose, and whatever the Belly dancer is having.
Another Guinness would be mighty tasty and...


REFRESH...
ing.