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Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...

DigiTrad:
GATHERING OF THE CLANS (continued)
THE BALL OF KERRIEMUIR (BALLYNORE)


Related threads:
If you don't get f** by saturday night./Kirriemuir (9)
Lyr/Chords Req: The Ball of Kirriemuir (27)
Lyr Add: Gathering of the Clan (5)
Four an' twenty virgins (8)
Lyr Add: The Ball of Ballynore (3)
Lyr Req: The Ball of Kerriemuir / ...Ballynore (9)


GUEST 01 Oct 01 - 01:54 PM
MMario 01 Oct 01 - 01:58 PM
GUEST,PeteBoom (at work) 01 Oct 01 - 02:11 PM
Amos 01 Oct 01 - 02:12 PM
MMario 01 Oct 01 - 02:30 PM
Hollowfox 01 Oct 01 - 02:39 PM
Greyeyes 01 Oct 01 - 02:50 PM
Hollowfox 01 Oct 01 - 02:53 PM
wildlone 01 Oct 01 - 03:08 PM
GUEST,theokapores@hotmail.com 01 Oct 01 - 03:21 PM
MMario 01 Oct 01 - 03:27 PM
Hollowfox 01 Oct 01 - 04:07 PM
Little Hawk 02 Oct 01 - 01:10 PM
Liz the Squeak 02 Oct 01 - 02:39 PM
Joe Offer 02 Oct 01 - 03:21 PM
MMario 02 Oct 01 - 03:36 PM
Little Hawk 02 Oct 01 - 03:38 PM
Jeri 02 Oct 01 - 04:37 PM
MMario 02 Oct 01 - 04:41 PM
Joe Offer 02 Oct 01 - 07:24 PM
MMario 02 Oct 01 - 08:08 PM
GUEST,CockRocker 02 Oct 01 - 11:14 PM
Little Hawk 03 Oct 01 - 02:41 PM
GUEST,Original Requester 04 Oct 01 - 05:09 PM
Gareth 04 Oct 01 - 06:27 PM
Little Hawk 04 Oct 01 - 08:37 PM
53 04 Oct 01 - 08:40 PM
Little Hawk 04 Oct 01 - 08:46 PM
GUEST,Prince Edward 25 Jul 09 - 02:11 PM
open mike 25 Jul 09 - 06:47 PM
VirginiaTam 26 Jul 09 - 01:20 PM
Charley Noble 27 Jul 09 - 08:50 AM
Bryn Pugh 27 Jul 09 - 09:00 AM
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Subject: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 01:54 PM

I heard this song over the weekend at an SCA event and now can't get the chorus out of my head. Does anyone know where I can find the verses? I don't even know the name of the song, but I'm told that there are many, many verses.

The chorus as I remember it is "If you cannot get laid in the SCA, you cannot get laid at all".


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: MMario
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 01:58 PM

click


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: GUEST,PeteBoom (at work)
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 02:11 PM

Ahem....

A couple of additional verses...

There was doin' in the barley, doin' in the oats,

Them's not doin' lasses, why they were doin' goats.

The village economist here was there, slide rule in his hand-

Waiting for the moment when supply would meet demand.

cheers -

Pete


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: Amos
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 02:12 PM

Geeze, MM!!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: MMario
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 02:30 PM

hey! it's a rip-off of 'Ball of Kerrimuir/Ballynoir' aka 'Gathering of the Clans'

both of which are in the DT.

just answering a question from a passerby.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: Hollowfox
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 02:39 PM

Yes, the tune is the same as "The Ball", and it's been around at least since Pennsic 3 (that's 27 years). I'm glad that the song has changed the phrase "Pennsic 3" to "The SCA"; that eliminates a pre-requirement of geezerhood to sing it. While you can get away with using the traditional verses posted above, there are also SCA-specific verses, usually dealing with knights and monarchs past and present within the organization; in-jokes, every one of 'em, but some are quite good. The verses will vary from area to area, so your best bet is to gather the verses in your kingdom. I know there are many SCA websites that have SCA lyrics on them, but I don't know any specific addresses, so you'll just have to noodle around for those. While you're at it, I suggest getting a few verses for "Imperium Compound" as well. It may well be the oldest SCA song still sung.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: Greyeyes
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 02:50 PM

Longer than 27 years I think. I remember rugby players in the UK singing it when I was very small. They sang "if you don't get shagged on a Saturday night you'll never get shagged at all"

extra verse: "The vicar's wife she was there, sitting by the fire, knitting Rubber-Jonnies from a worn out Dunlop tyre."


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: Hollowfox
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 02:53 PM

Oh, The Ball is much older, I agree. I was referring only to the SCA version.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: wildlone
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 03:08 PM

Here is a couple of links to the SCA to get you started.
Music and dance here

webring list click here
dave


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: GUEST,theokapores@hotmail.com
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 03:21 PM

Sorry for my English.

What is SCA

I don't live in USA

Theo


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: MMario
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 03:27 PM

Society for Creative Anachronism - a web search for "SCA" or the full title will tell you more then I could ever hope to here.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: Hollowfox
Date: 01 Oct 01 - 04:07 PM

(Thanks, wildlone) Guest, it's sort of a historical re-creation group. Although mostly found in North america, there are chapters throughout much of the world, usually but not always near US military bases. I don't know what country you live in, but I know that there are SCA groups in Sweden, Germany, Australia, England, and Ireland.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 01:10 PM

I checked out the link you provided, Mario. I read it over with great attention. Some of the acts described sound unlikely if not impossible.

At any rate, I am offended, sir, deeply offended that you would post a link to this sort of codswallop on a prestigious and clean-minded forum such as the Mudcat.

"The Mudcat does not deserve this!" (to quote a phrase)

You should be ashamed of yourself!

An apology would be a good start...but not nearly enough to put this behind you.

I suggest an abject apology to the entire forum, coupled with a generous donation to the NYCFTTS and the WSSBA. I can supply an address for the latter...cash only please.

Feel free to PM me.

- LH


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: Liz the Squeak
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 02:39 PM

Can someone explain verse 7 to me please? I didn't know sheep could bend that way......

LTS


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Subject: ADD: The Ball of Baladore
From: Joe Offer
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 03:21 PM

Oh, I suppose the song is really crude and disgusting and all - but it's also quite clever. I don't know if I'll harvest it for the Digital Tradition, but I think it should be posted. There's been a rash of prudishness and self-righteous indignation here at Mudcat lately, to the point where it's become downright offensive. It's a very good thing to treat sex as sacred and to have respect for the opposite sex, but that rule is suspended when it comes to collecting folk songs - bawdiness is encouraged at Mudcat, particularly in song lyrics.
-Joe Offer-


The Ball of Baladore
(or, If You Can't Get Laid in the SCA)


Four and thirty virgins down from Infaness
When the ball was over there were four and twenty less; Singing...

        ...Chorus;
Balls to your partner, arse against the wall
If you can't get laid in the SCA you'll never get laid at all

First they did it simple then they tried it he's and she's
When the ball was over they were up 5's and 3's; Singing...

They tried it on the garden path and once around the park
When the candles started out, they did it in the dark; Singing...

The best man in the corner explaining to the groom
The vagina not the rectum was the entrance to the womb; Singing...

The school mater he was there, going at it some
Figuring out by algebra the time that he would come; Singing...

The chimney sweeper he was there, that were was not dirt
Pretty soon he farted and he filled the air with soot; Singing...

The letter carrier he was there, the poor man had the pox
He couldn't do the lasses so he did the letter box; Singing...

The village idiot he was there, sitting behind the band
amusing himself by abusing himself and catching it in his hands; Singing...

The village magician he was there, doing his vanishing trick
He pulled his foreskin over his head and vanished into his prick; Singing...

The village butcher he was there, cleaver in his hand
And every time he turned around he circumcised the band; Singing...

The village harlot she was there, laying on the floor
And every time she opened her legs, the suction closed the door; Singing...

Four and thirty Vikings back from the war
They couldn't catch a single sheep, so they settled for the whores; Singing....

The kingdom ciurgion she was there, working all night long
Running around and putting rubbers on everybody's dong; Singing...

The Queen was in the parlor getting eaten by her honey
The King was in the chamber maid and she was in the money; Singing...

The Falawabas they were there, sitting all alone
Complaining of the doings with load and piercing moans; Singing...

The local cavaliers were there, in elegance they sat
Doing things unusual with the feathers in their hat; Singing...

There was doing on the porches, there was doing on the stairs
You couldn't hear the music for the loud and piercing moans; Singing...

The undertaker he was there, in a long black shroud
Swinging on the chandelier and pissing on the ground; Singing...

The village blacksmith he was there, his balls were made of brass
And every time he laid a girl the sparks out his ass; Singing...

There was doing on the sofa, there was doing in the chair
When they found the trampoline there was doing in mid-air; Singing...

There was screwing ion the bedroom, there was screwing on the stairs
You couldn't see the carpet for the mass of curly hair; Singing...

First lady over, second lady front
Third lady's finger up the fourth lady's cunt; Singing...

The parson's wife she was also there sitting down in front
Wearing posies in her hair and a carrot up her cunt; Singing...

McPherson's band they were there, giving out the clicks
You couldn't hear the music for the swishing of the pricks; Singing...

Four and twenty virgins came down from county Moore
All but two got back again and they were double four; Singing...

The village carpenter he was there, with his prick of wood
He made it when he lost his own, but it worked just as good; Singing...

The village druggard he was there, grinning like a fox
He sold out all the condoms so he sold them dirty socks; Singing...

The vicountess they were there, keeping us all in fits
Jumping off the mantle piece and bouncing on their tits; Singing...

The village idiot he was there, up to his old tricks
Bouncing on his testicles and whistling through his prick; Singing...

A strapping Scotsman he was there known to all as Ronald
His riser weighed a quarter pound he must be a McDonald; Singing...

The Baroness she was there, she was looking pert
With six or seven cavaliers underneath her skirt; Singing...

The kingdom Marshall he was there, a mighty man was he
He wrapped his pecker in duct tape to make it combat legal; Singing...

The village smithy he was there, a mighty man was he
He lined them against the wall and shacked them three by three; Singing...

When the ball was over, everyone confessed
The music was exquisite but the doing was the best; Singing...


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: MMario
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 03:36 PM

I didn't post, not because of bawdiness, but rather because I didn't feel it was different enough to be worth it.

The reason for the brevity of my first post in this thread is that I found it on the second site listed in the goodle search I did. At that time - I was tempted just to post that it could be found in less then 4 minutes using a simple search engine - and NOT post the link.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 03:38 PM

Whatever do you mean, Joe? We can NEVER get too much prudishness and self-righteous indignation on this forum! How the hell else can we expect to stamp out and finally eradicate all those who don't agree with us, and thus make the world safe for democracy?

I think you have shown extremely poor judgement in again posting those highly offensive, sexist, racist lyrics!

By golly, I see a big shakeup coming at Mudcat over this...you may find yourself featuring in a show trial and subsequent purge at the highest levels of Mudcat that will make the Gang of Four episode look pale in comparison. Even Spaw may well not escape this time. (DUM-DA-DUM-DUM!)

"Self-righteousness in the cause of Liberty is NO VICE!!!"

(not to mention self-leftiousness...which is very similar, although opposite...in a superficial sense only, if you follow me...)

Yeah. :-)

- LH


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: Jeri
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 04:37 PM

Well, there's already around 137 verses in the DT here, and there was a parody in there called "The Folksingers' Ball," but I can't seem to find it now.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: MMario
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 04:41 PM

absol-actly, jeri!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: Joe Offer
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 07:24 PM

Dang! Foiled again! I swear, I searched two ways, and still didn't find a match. So, MMario, why didn't you SAY it was in the Digital Tradition?
-Joe Offer, embarrassed-

Actually, though, it really does help if people search Mudcat first for songs, and refer requestors to locations within Mudcat, if possible. Jim Dixon and Susan of DT and I try to go through al the music threads, looking for songs to add to the Digital Tradition. If something comes up, we have to take the time to search to see if we already have it. If you know we already have it, it helps a lot if you tell us so. I spent some twenty minutes on this song this morning. I finally decided not to harvest it because it was specific to SCAdians and not of general interest, even though it seemed clever.

Oh, you DID say it was in the DT, but in a later post...


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: MMario
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 08:08 PM

sorry Joe- I recognized the first line - so figured you would -. but we all know what "assume" does, don't we?

my apologies.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: GUEST,CockRocker
Date: 02 Oct 01 - 11:14 PM

assume makes an ass out of you


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 03 Oct 01 - 02:41 PM

That's not the whole joke, CockRocker. Pay attention!

- LH


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: GUEST,Original Requester
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 05:09 PM

Thank you all for your posting. I found the lyrics that I was looking for. :)

And to those of you that don't think bawdy lyrics should be repeated... I suggest that you never attend an event with the SCA. It would surely shock your delicate sensibilites. ;)

Thanks again!


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: Gareth
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 06:27 PM

Obviously never played Rugby, or attended "Batchelors night" at a Sailing Club.

Gareth


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 08:37 PM

Oh the Humanity!!! That this vile stuff should be posted on the normally pristine pages of the Mudcat. Well! I am just...it's...I never...it's an outrage.

And I thought that MMario was such a nice young man!

People should remember that there are ADULTS visiting this forum and govern themselves accordingly!

Well, a few anyway... :-)

- LH


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: 53
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 08:40 PM

what a boring thread. bob


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: Little Hawk
Date: 04 Oct 01 - 08:46 PM

Speak for yourself.

- LH


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: GUEST,Prince Edward
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 02:11 PM

Where can I get a recording of this song? And who is the artist?


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: open mike
Date: 25 Jul 09 - 06:47 PM

ha i heard someone once describe the SCA as people who
"jumped from fur to fur"


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: VirginiaTam
Date: 26 Jul 09 - 01:20 PM

SCA = sexually challenged adults as well as society for creative anachronists

My daughter Andie would be able to find out about that song. Hell she probably sang it. But she is no longer with us.

I think it maybe a filk on a parody about a Leslie Fish song Serious Steel.

There seem to be many variations.


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: Charley Noble
Date: 27 Jul 09 - 08:50 AM

Sometimes the folk process loses something important:

"Four and twenty virgins came down from county Moore
All but two got back again and they were double four; Singing..."

Should be as my old mentor Denis Puleston used to sing:

Four and twenty virgins came from Bellamore,
Only ane of them got back and she was DOUBLEBORE; Singing...

Cheerily,
Charley Noble


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Subject: RE: Lyr Req: If you cannot get laid in the SCA...
From: Bryn Pugh
Date: 27 Jul 09 - 09:00 AM

I remember Les Dawson and Roy Barraclough doing parodies on "English Folk Traditions".

One time they did what purported to be the "Stalybridge Needel Dance". There was a bloody great cotton reel with 'ribbons' hanging off it, and Les and Roy, barefoot and wearing smocks and

flowered hats, singing

"Needles to your partner, needles to the wall

If you can't get pricked on a Saturday night, you'll never get pricked at all".

Nearly pissed meself with laughter - I was dancing North West (Clog) Morris with the Manchester Men, at this time.


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