Subject: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Charley Noble Date: 29 Oct 01 - 01:15 PM My old cat Malvolio sent this fragment to A Prairie Home Companion way back in 1982, in response to an urgent request from Garrison Keiller for tasteful cat songs. Apparently his thoughtful submission got overlooked, and I have to admit it is incomplete. Still, since Malvolio is no longer with us I thought it would be a fitting tribute to Himself if some Mudcatters could come up with a few more verses. |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Charley Noble Date: 29 Oct 01 - 01:18 PM Maybe it would help if I posted the lyrics: No Hairballs in Heaven (Words by Charlie Ipcar © 1982 Traditional Tune: Lightning Express) Chorus: There'll be no hairballs in Heaven, No weariness sorrow or pain, No claws that are bleeding and broken, No nights left out in the rain. We'll be in that beautiful jungle, With birdies to chase through the leaves, And mice will be there in abundance, We'll snatch them whenever we please; There'll be no Pit Bulls in Heaven, No German Shepherds nor Chows, And all will be tuna and salmon, And cream drawn fresh from the cow.(CHO)
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Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: MMario Date: 29 Oct 01 - 01:36 PM We'll sleep on the softest of pillows, With Catnip to colour our dreams, And no one will dare to awake us, Until we have hatched all our schemes There'll be no thrown boots in Heaven, when up on the rooftops we sing And the door we go out, when it opens Will always lead out into Spring CHO:
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Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: wysiwyg Date: 29 Oct 01 - 02:04 PM Watch it, guys. I'm gonna do this one in church. ~S~ |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Lin in Kansas Date: 29 Oct 01 - 02:10 PM The toys will always be fun ones That scurry and scamper and hide, With fur we can sink all our claws in, And good things to eat inside. When we sharpen our claws on the sofa, Nobody cares if we shred and tear, And when WE want to get some attention A broad lap will always be there. CHORUS
(From Bat, Bela Bruce, and Lonnie Sue |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: MMario Date: 29 Oct 01 - 02:17 PM I was just reminded (forcefully) that credit for the verse posted at 1:36 should go to Desert, Storm, Mynx, Ka'lar and Zeus - in a co-operative effort from three households. |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Lin in Kansas Date: 29 Oct 01 - 11:48 PM The elm trees grow tall up in Heaven Just right for a hunter to lie Stretched out on a branch with his eyes shut In that home between green grass and sky, With the smells of the earth in his nostrils And the feel of the bark 'neath his feet, And the screams and the shrieks of the songbirds In his ears, making music so sweet. CHO. (Same three; bird this time...) |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Paul from Hull Date: 30 Oct 01 - 12:01 AM *G* Love this....I'll have to ask my two about their hopes for Cat Heaven, & if they can put them into rhyme....*G* |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Blackcatter Date: 30 Oct 01 - 01:00 AM Wonderful! I look forward to more verses and to singing it one day. I talked to my church's cat, Peppe, and she thought it was nice, but since she's a Secular Felineist (this being a Unitarian Universalist church cat) the concept of Heaven is a bit foreign to her. pax yall |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Lin in Kansas Date: 30 Oct 01 - 02:00 AM Arghhhhhh!!!! Blasted HTML!!!! Okay, Bat, okay, I'll do it right this time...
The elm trees grow tall up in Heaven (Sheesh, damn cat thinks he's a critic...) |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Lin in Kansas Date: 30 Oct 01 - 03:05 AM The ladies all will be willing, The toms will all be debonair, The kittens will stay safe with Mother Until they no longer need care. There'll be no needles in Heaven, No dogs, no fear, no cars-- Just plenty of catnaps and grooming And singalongs under the stars. CHO
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Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Charley Noble Date: 30 Oct 01 - 08:25 AM Prrrrrrr! How gratifying, and I thought this thread was lost yesterday. I can hardly wait to sing these verses to the gang (Tilahun, Tejitu and Gashay) when they come bouncing merrily in through their cat-door after their usual morning romp. Mal will be pleased as well, if he's not too busy making trouble wherever he ended up. How could I forget Catnip! |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Charley Noble Date: 30 Oct 01 - 08:39 AM While we're waiting for more verses I thought I'd paste in this little Halloween story of another family cat: Grendal and the Cream Separator Father never liked cats, nor was he especially fond of Grendal our newest little gray kitten who was always getting into everything, and then would try to climb into Father's lap. As I remember it we were all having breakfast in the farm kitchen and Father was pouring milk into the big milk separator in the corner of the room. Milk separators are machines designed to separate milk into cream and skim milk by centrifugal force, sort of like a particle accelerator; ours was a modern one run by electricity. Anyway, father flipped on the switch and sat down for breakfast when one of us noticed Grendal disappearing under the machine. Mother immediately got down on all fours and tried to grab her tail but she was already climbing out of reach, amidst the grinding gears. Mother was about to pull the plug to stop the machine but was stopped by Father who was justifiably concerned about ruining a morning's work for some rude little animal, and besides he hadn't heard a single screech. So we all continued eating our breakfast, with an occasional glance at the machine, whirling out its cream and skim milk. Father was whistling a cheerful tune, which I think was "Dunderbeck's Machine." When the machine had completed its cycle, father got out his screwdriver, removed the side cover plate and there was Grendal siting in the drip pan, somewhat greasy but none the worse otherwise, still staring at the maze of gears. From that day on, she was inseparable from her favorite hangout whenever Father was processing the milk. |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: GUEST Date: 31 Oct 01 - 02:49 AM Blackcatter, what DOES a Secular Felineist from a Unitarian Universalist church think about an afterlife? I'd say Peppe should educate us! (Please?) Charley, good story...did anyone think to mention to your dad that it would have ruined his day's work a lot more if Grendal HAD gotten in the gears??? (LOL and YUCK!) Lin (who has a Bat draped on her shoulder at this very moment, making it rather tough to type) |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: GUEST,CLETUS Date: 31 Oct 01 - 06:54 AM Paw had thiz ol cat whut wuz feelin poorly an so he oughta know sumpin bout heaven cuz he almos went thair! None uv tha local vet docs cud figger out whut it wuz but thiz one feller said ta give tha cat a teaspoon uv gasoline. I tol Paw it wuz rite stupid but Paw dint know whut elze ta do so he give it the gasoline. Well I tell ya that ol pussy perked rite up and started runnin all over the place. He ran upstairz an downstairz an all over the chairz an sofa an ran across tha floor doin little circles an then he run rite up the drapes an across tha curtain rod but then he stopped an fell ta tha floor. I figgered that wuz it an tha ol cat wuz ded but az it turnt out he wuz jus outta gas. CLETUS |
Subject: Lyr.Add.:Halloween Night Song From: GUEST,Charley Noble Date: 31 Oct 01 - 10:36 AM Access does get tedious. Here's a new song that my mother just sent me with a Halloween theme: HALLOWEEN NIGHT SONG (Words by Dahlov Ipcar © 2001 ;No tune) My black cat cried to go out last night And I wondered why, I wondered why For it was a cold October night And the wind was high, the wind was high. A great orange moon hung there above The tossing trees, the tossing trees And through the wild and windy sky Dark clouds raced across the moon Swirling by, swirling by. My black cat clawed and scratched the door And mewed and cried, mewed and cried I could not believe he wished to leave The fireside, the fireside. But when I opened the door he ran Swiftly out in the bitter night And in a flash he jumped astride A broomstick that came sailing by And away did ride, away did ride. So now I know that my black cat Grows tired of chasing mice and rats And wants to chase the little black bats And owls that fly in the midnight sky. If I were a witch on Halloween I'd like to fly, I'd like to fly Riding a broomstick way up high Across the sky, across the sky. With my black cat I'd take my flight And chase the bats and owls of night And never come back until day light When the sun was high, when the sun was high. Charley Noble |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Lin in Kansas Date: 31 Oct 01 - 10:54 AM Charley, most appropriate, especially since this is the first Halloween since 1955 that there's been a full moon! (Just heard that on the weather channel...) Lin |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: MMario Date: 31 Oct 01 - 11:08 AM now - someone stick an eerie tune to that; won't you please? |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: MAG Date: 31 Oct 01 - 03:18 PM We'll never get bumped off the pillows Where cat hair galore we can shed Big Mama will never roll over Disturbing our nest by her head She'll let us go out at All Hallow's (She's nervous because we're all black) We'll cruise with the kids scamming candy And collect little mice in our sack She'll put back the cat door she took out Disgusted with what we brought home Our friends will drop through to visit Even if we're out on a roam I'd better go do some work; I'm doing Halloween at the Y tonight, and took the day off from my (day) job to rest my cold-cursed voice. MA |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Blackcatter Date: 31 Oct 01 - 04:26 PM Lin, Peppe chooses not to think much about an afterlife. She's happy just looking forward to her morning bit of dried fish without complicating the matter with an afterlife. She tries to follow the UU 7 Principles and can be found hanging out at most of our holiday parties, regardless of the religious significance. She loved our Hallowe'en/Samhain party, though she'd prefer we give the kids catnip instead of candy. pax yall. |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: MMario Date: 31 Oct 01 - 04:28 PM Only about 11.1 percent of cats worry about afterlife... |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: MAG Date: 31 Oct 01 - 04:34 PM Oops, sorry about forgetting the line breaks, above -- must be all the theraflu -- MA |
Subject: Lyr.Add: No Hairballs in Heaven From: Charley Noble Date: 31 Oct 01 - 04:35 PM Nice, Mag. Glad our kitties are safe inside now, although THEY'RE not particularly pleased...Here's what we've got so far: NO HAIRBALLS IN HEAVEN (Initial verse and chorus by Charlie Ipcar © 1982 Other verses by various Mudcatters; Traditional Tune: Lightning Express) Chorus: There'll be no hairballs in Heaven, No weariness sorrow or pain, No claws that are bleeding and broken, No nights left out in the rain. We'll be in that beautiful jungle, With birdies to chase through the leaves, And mice will be there in abundance, We'll snatch them whenever we please; There'll be no Pit Bulls in Heaven, No German Shepherds nor Chows, And all will be tuna and salmon, And cream drawn fresh from the cow.(CHO) We'll sleep on the softest of pillows, With Catnip to colour our dreams, And no one will dare to awake us, Until we have hatched all our schemes There'll be no thrown boots in Heaven, when up on the rooftops we sing And the door we go out, when it opens Will always lead out into Spring. (MMario) The toys will always be fun ones That scurry and scamper and hide, With fur we can sink all our claws in, And good things to eat inside. When we sharpen our claws on the sofa, Nobody cares if we shred and tear, And when WE want to get some attention A broad lap will always be there. (Lin in KS) The elm trees grow tall up in Heaven Just right for a hunter to lie Stretched out on a branch with his eyes shut In that home between green grass and sky With the smells of the earth in his nostrils And the feel of the bark 'neath his feet, And the screams and the shrieks of the songbirds In his ears, making music so sweet. (Lin in KS) The ladies all will be willing, The toms will all be debonair, The kittens will stay safe with Mother Until they no longer need care. There'll be no needles in Heaven, No dogs, no fear, no cars-- Just plenty of catnaps and grooming And sing-a-longs under the stars.(Lin in KS) We'll never get bumped off the pillows Where cat hair galore we can shed Big Mama will never roll over Disturbing our nest by her head (Mag) She'll let us go out at All Hallow's (She's nervous because we're all black) We'll cruise with the kids scamming candy And collect little mice in our sack (Mag) She'll put back the cat door she took out Disgusted with what we brought home Our friends will drop through to visit Even if we're out on a roam.(Mag) Maybe someone could put in a link to the tune "Lightning Express" which I'm sure is somewhere in the DT. Maybe I'll go and check.
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Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Charley Noble Date: 31 Oct 01 - 04:41 PM Ah Ha! It's there disguised as "PLEASE, MISTER CONDUCTOR." |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: MMario Date: 31 Oct 01 - 04:48 PM I cabn't find it - checking at JC's - nope, not there either! |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Charley Noble Date: 31 Oct 01 - 07:52 PM MMario - everyone knows that tune! Here, I'll hum it for you... Try some olde timey website, or call Elderly Instruments. Try the Blue Sky Boys if they have a website. |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: katlaughing Date: 31 Oct 01 - 08:03 PM WELL DONE, ALL!! Can't believe I missed this one! Charley, please tell your mother I loved her song! WOW!!! Also, may we know more about her books which Mag, I think it was, mentioned? Thanks not just from kat, but also THE cats, Kipling, Trystan, Charlee, Kazell, Kelpie, Ms. Lovee and the dog, Merlee, sends a begrudging well done, too.:-) |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Lin in Kansas Date: 31 Oct 01 - 10:24 PM Here's the link to PLEASE MR. CONDUCTOR in the DT: so sad, and since there's no tune connected and an admittedly cursory search of the Forum doesn't turn one up, here's the Miditext. Enjoy! Lin
MIDI file: CATHYM~1.MID Timebase: 1024 TimeSig: 6/8 36 8 This program is worth the effort of learning it. To download the March 10 MIDItext 98 software and get instructions on how to use it click here ABC format: X:1
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Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Lin in Kansas Date: 31 Oct 01 - 10:25 PM And by the way, should this be on the "missing tunes" list? (If so, that's 187 so far, hee, hee, hee...) Lin |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Blackcatter Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:33 AM I have adjusted the lyrics a bit and just sang it tonight to the tune "Rosin the Beau" (coming from a Celtic traditon and not familiar with the suggested tune) It was well received, especially on Hallowe'en night. Thanks to all the contributers! pax yall |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Genie Date: 01 Nov 01 - 02:02 AM Lin, BTW, it's not only a FULL moon for Halloween for the first time in 46 years here, but it is--according to most folks' definitions--a BLUE MOON (the second full moon in a calendar month). (I know the Farmer's Almanac supposedly says a blue moon is the 4th in a calendar quarter, but that's not the common usage.) My cat Melanie La Mew is working on another verse for the song, Charlie. Genie
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Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Charley Noble Date: 01 Nov 01 - 09:04 AM Thanks for your help with the tune, Lin. For those interested in learning more about Dahlov Ipcar's literary and artistic efforts over the last 70 or so years, check her website, The World of Dahlov Ipcar, at www.exitfive.com/dahlov/ It's a nice world to explore. Too bad so many of her children's books are out of print, although many of them can still be picked from www.bookfinder.com Her 84th birthday is coming up November 12th. |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: MMario Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:21 PM Thanks lin - someone beat you to it though - (you'll notice it is NOT in your "missing tunes" list)- I don't have a record of who sent it in though. |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Lin in Kansas Date: 01 Nov 01 - 02:16 PM Oh well, missing tune or not, we needed it here so all the Furry Children could sing it last night. My three were lined up by the kitty door complaining in chorus because they couldn't go out... :) Charley, your Mom's paintings are beautiful. Lin |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Charley Noble Date: 01 Nov 01 - 04:50 PM Lin - Dahlov's having a major reprospective art exhibition at the Portland Museum of Art here in Maine for the next two months. It's quite the show, cats of all kinds are well represented. Not that far from Kansas... |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: MMario Date: 01 Nov 01 - 07:21 PM True enough, Lin. And I'm glad the alternative title was identified - because I couldn't find any reference to "lightening Express" anywhere! |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Lin in Kansas Date: 02 Nov 01 - 01:44 AM Charley, would love to see the retrospective, not to mention touring the Maine antique shops, historical sites, etc., etc. Unfortunately, we've about done all the travelling we can afford for this year! One of these years, though, the Good Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I'm going to make it back East. Hope her exhibition goes well! Lin |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Genie Date: 02 Nov 01 - 05:47 PM This verse is submitted by my dearly departed Minnie Meowse and Bitsy McCloud. (Their spirits still communicate with me from time to time.) Though no cat can make it to Heaven Till all of her nine lives are done, When you've used your sixth or seventh, Your Cat Heaven dreams have begun. There we chase butterflies through the cloud fields, And claw the celestial walls, For cats always seek out the highest perch, And Heaven's the loftiest of all!
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Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: MMario Date: 02 Nov 01 - 07:51 PM Genie - that's georgous. |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Charley Noble Date: 02 Nov 01 - 07:56 PM Thanks, Genie. I'm not sure if my dear departed Mal ever made it to cat Heaven, but wherever he ended up I'm sure he's made his mark... |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Lin in Kansas Date: 02 Nov 01 - 08:01 PM Wow, Genie--that just sorta sums it up! Lin |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Genie Date: 03 Nov 01 - 03:38 AM Glad you cats liked the verse, Charley, Lin, and MMario. But remember, it was contributed by Minnie and Bitsy! Genie |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: katlaughing Date: 03 Nov 01 - 04:24 AM Picture myself on a bed of catnip Old joints have grown young, old kidneys not failed Fur soft and clean from my tongue.
It's Heaven, you say? Well, yes, just about;
I remember last words of I love you from Heyokah, who passed this last Spring and still misses his mum (Sorry, he was Siamese and never did conform, so this probably won't fit the tunes.)
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Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: GUEST,Calico Date: 03 Nov 01 - 05:02 AM Nevertheless, it's beautifully said. |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: GUEST,Calico Date: 03 Nov 01 - 05:06 AM Charley, did you happen to catch this thread? |
Subject: RE: Help with New Cat Hymn From: Charley Noble Date: 03 Nov 01 - 10:47 AM Thanks, Calico, for providing a link back to "How Can I Keep from Purring." |
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