BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work

Subject: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:18 AM

Fuckin Christ Allmighty I'v found a place that can here my woes and triumphs. My kid is a pot smoking, drug using, son-of-bitch, I should know because I married his rotten sod of a mum and she was the same, above-fore-mentioned hasn't worked for more than 14 hours a weeks as a aid in a college sponsored elementry school but this is good becuase that is 400 pound a month less i need to spend on his drug habit the kiddies are safe because he promised not to sell to them and beside they dont drug test the campus aides so please offer up a prayer of thanks i like you oh so much!

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: GUEST,Roger the skiffler
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 03:57 AM

Don't know that one. Can you post a tune?
RtS

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: The_one_and_only_Dai
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 04:48 AM

I think it's Ralph McTell, actually.

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: Scabby Douglas
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 06:53 AM

It's always nice to hear a parent supporting their offspring. So many these days seem too ready to talk down the younger generation. Glad to hear your son has managed to gain employment in an area that offers so much potential.

Thanks for the heartwarming story, Guest...

Cheers

Steven

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: GUEST,(for obvious reasons)
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 07:31 AM

Hmm. Dunno about a general sound-off about woes and triumphs, Guest, but I can understand why you're pissed off.
What I'm gong to say might piss you off even more, but it's from the heart.
The good news is that, however crappy things seem at the moment, things do get better.
My own son was just like yours - maybe worse, as after he walked out of school, college and home, his primary source of income came from selling dope and piratted software. He had a year or so living on the edge - sometimes rolling in money, sometimes crapping himself in fear at the knock on the door, and then he straightened out.
Eighteen months on, he's earning more than me, holding down a job, living in a nice house and generally showing himself to be an all-round, decent, lovable human being.
All of which he was when he was spending most of his time stoned; just that it was hard to tell through the permanently dopey outlook on life, the paranoia and the anger.
To be honest, you should maybe worry more if your son was a boozer than a spliff-head. My boy had a terrible problem with booze for a while, and managed to get himself into some grim scrapes (including a couple of arrests). Then he switched to dope and - aside from being a zombie half the time - he stopped getting into trouble.
What the lad needs (and I know it's difficult when you feel like grabbing him warmly by the throat and shaking the crap out of him) is old-fashioned love.
It sounds like he might have a problem with self-esteem - it's common with addictive personalities (and cannabis/marijuana can be psychologically addictive for some personalities, whatever it's advocates say. I should know, having smoked it myself for the best part of a quarter of a century!).
Imagine the effect on his self esteem if his old man/step-father tells him he's a useless piece of crap? Love doesn't have to be slushy and wishy-washy - it can be tough. You have to tell him that you don't like his habits, but that you're concerned for him; that you want him to feel happy in his life, and that if he uses dope and booze and booze as crutches he'll never have the strength to find that happiness and self-esteem.
I know things look crappy, but don't give up on him. Neither of you may realise it, but he needs you, and needs your approval. The drugs are an escape from reality. Why is his reality so crappy? What can you do to change it? Both of you face a tough time ahead. Do it together, otherwise only one of you will make it to the winning tape.

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: Grab
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 07:47 AM

Very much of the "stream-of-unconsciousness" type of poem. Thanks for that. Still, look on the bright side - at least you can tell ppl what he does; imagine if he worked for Microsoft instead...

Graham.

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: Bill D
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 07:48 AM

or, you can go take a long walk on a short dock...

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: GUEST,JTT
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:11 AM

Mol an óige agus tiocfaidh sí, Guest - "praise youth and it'll come on". Ignore bad behaviour and pay attention (preferably without comment, but with interest and food) to good behaviour.

Teenagers (and for young men this often goes on well into their mid-20s) are put on this earth as a trial of strength for their parents. Hold strong and be on your kid's site (though not on the side of any wrongdoing) and you'll pull through together.

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: Grab
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:12 AM

Very much of the "stream-of-unconsciousness" type of poem. Thanks for that. Still, look on the bright side - at least you can tell ppl what he does; imagine if he worked for Microsoft instead...

Graham.

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: kendall
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 08:50 AM

Look up the word "Enabler"

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: GUEST
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 09:15 AM

(Musician?) Fathers who have not sinned apparently enjoy publicly stoning their wives and children in Internet discussion forums.

Could this father be any relation to the musician husband who started the bad marriage thread? Twice in the last month?

Hmmm...

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: Donuel
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 09:25 AM

Alright no one is to stone anyone until I say so, and I want to make myself perfectly clear , - even if they do say Jehov... WHUMP

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: Kim C
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 09:51 AM

I think he said, The Sheriff is Near...

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: Steve in Idaho
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 11:05 AM

Enabler - one who enables behavior - good or bad - turn him in to the cops if he doesn't stop immediately - kendall pegged this

Steve

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: InOBU
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 11:15 AM

As a struggling folk musician in New York, I was entrigued by the job description you mention in reguards to your son's profession. Are there job openings for me?Larry

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: GUEST,Basehead
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 11:26 AM

Face it, some people are just better off on booze and drugs. Look at people like Robert Downey Jr. and the former lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots. When they are left to their habit, they are reasonably happy and functional. But when people try to make them stop and go to therapy, they keep falling off the wagon and going on horrible benders. And look on the brightside, it is very convenient to have a head in the family.

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: catspaw49
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 11:29 AM

Say, if you can find something for Larry (InOTB), then maybe he could fix me up too. Check and see what's available. I'm willing to relocate.

Spaw

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 11:31 AM

Bravo to the "GUEST,(for obvious reasons)"! It's the only response worth reading so far. I won't write my own essay, because I defer to his/her greater experience and eloquence.

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: annamill
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 11:51 AM

Poor kid...

Dad'll never change, so neither will he. Unless he can get away from the pain.

My heart hurts for him.

Love, Annamill(who always signs her name)

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 12:01 PM

I am going to treat this seriously: My son was an addict and dealer for several years and I made it possible by keeping a roof over his head, food on the table, and pretending even to myself that nothing was wrong. Stop enabling his drinking and drugging. Toss his ass out in the street and do not let him back in EVER! The day I did this, my son started on the road to recovery. He is healthy now. He still cannot live with me although he does visit. And for the first time in his life, he loves and appreciates me. For the first time in his life, he appreciates himself, his potential, and the wisdom he gained through years of living on the streets. Kendall nailed it. Stop enabling his behavior.

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: Jim Dixon
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 04:08 PM

Throwing a kid out is really a "sink or swim" situation. Some kids in that situation will swim for the first time; some will sink and drown. You really have no control at that point. (Not that you have very much now.)

If you can't help him, maybe if he's on his own, he will find somebody else who will. Or maybe he will find another enabler, or someone who will exploit him. It's really impossible to predict.

If you want to have ANY positive influence over the course of his future life, you need to get some help for yourself. Alanon is a good place to start. Look in the phone book. If it's not under "Alanon," try "Alcoholics Anonymous" for a referral to an Alanon group.

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: SharonA
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 05:02 PM

I shudder for the "kiddies" to whom GUEST's son "promised not to sell" drugs. How trustworthy is the son? Even if he doesn't go back on that promise, what other damage (physical and emotional) could he do to those kids while he's not in his right mind because of the drugs? What kind of role model can he possibly be for young minds???

GUEST, where is the "triumph" in spending even some of your money on your son's drug habit and then sending him off to help teach other parents' kids? Please, at least tell him to get a job where he doesn't have the potential to screw up another young person's life.

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: SINSULL
Date: 01 Nov 01 - 10:23 PM

My "awakening" came after I called a drug program for help. My son had come home so sick and filthy that I had him strip at the door, put his clothes in a garbage bag, and head straight for the bathroom shower. He took "stuff" out of his pockets and I confiscated it and hid it. Next day, clean with fresh clothes and a full stomach he left (with most of my cash and some jewelry he had stolen). The first advice I received was "Give him back the drugs. His supplier will kill him and you if you don't".
Jim is right. "Sink or swim" means he may sink. But if his swimming means dragging you under with him and a refusal to learn to swim...
My son had survival skills. He abused many people after I threw him out. Eventually, after one too many beatings, he wasn't pretty enough or handsome enough to find another enabler.
I would not wish this experience on my worst enemy. And obviously there is much more to the story. But if your child is addicted, you can do nothing but back off and let him go his way.

Subject: RE: BS: My Kid's a Drunken Drugy Who Can't Work
From: Madam Gashee
Date: 02 Nov 01 - 03:57 AM

My heart goes out to all of you, fathers, sons, brothers, mothers sisters & all.