Subject: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: khandu Date: 13 Mar 02 - 09:25 PM Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard To give her poor dog a bone. When she bent over, Rover took over a And gave her a bone of his own. |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: rangeroger Date: 13 Mar 02 - 10:16 PM Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet Eating her curds and whey. When along came a spider That sat down beside her And she beat the shit out of it with her spoon. rr |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: JennieG Date: 13 Mar 02 - 10:19 PM Mary had a little lamb Her father shot it dead Now Mary takes her lamb to school Between two hunks of bread Mary had a little lamb She also had a bear I've often seen her little lamb But I've never seen her bare! Mary had a little lamb The doctors were surprised But when Old Macdonald had a farm They couldn't believe their eyes I think that will do for the moment.... Cheers JennieG |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Metchosin Date: 13 Mar 02 - 10:53 PM Mary had a little lamb, She tied it to a pylon. 10,000 volts went up its ass, And turned its wool to nylon. Argh! I can't believe I just posted this.... |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: catspaw49 Date: 13 Mar 02 - 11:41 PM PREVIOUS THREAD And the following, courtesy of the "Diceman".............. Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet A lightbulb was stuck up her ass It woke up the spider who lived deep inside her He said "hey, free electric and gas!" Jack and Jill went up the hill And Jack would try to hump her Jill said "no", Jack said "so, I'll ram it in your dumper!" Twinkle Twinkle little star Will she blow me in the car Because I bought her dinner, she had fun Now my balls are boiling and I'd like to cum Old mother hubbard Went to the cupboard To get her old dog a snack The cupboard was bare She didn't despair She let Rover munch on her crack Peter Peter pumkin eater Whacked off in the movie theater Sprayed his load across the screen And ruined Titanic's final scene Hickory Dickory Dock My balls fell out of my jock I laid them to rest On some hooker's chest And paddled her face with my cock Betty and Jack, up a tree F-U-C-K-I-N-G First cums Betty, then cums Jack Then cums the goo out of Betty's crack Little Boy Blue He needed the money Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie Jerked off in his girl friends eye When her eye was dry and shut Georgie Fucked that one-eyed slut Old King Cole was a merry old soul A merry old soul was he He chewed off his tit, ate his own shit Washed it down with some tea Roll, roll, roll your cunt Gently down my prick Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily Then you'll suck my dick Hickory dickory dock Some chick was sucking my cock The clock struck two, I dropped my goo I dumped the bitch on the next block. Jack and Jill went up the hill Both with a buck and a quarter Jill came down with two-fifty That fuckin' whore. Mary, Mary, quite contrary, Trim that pussy it's so damn hairy Littly Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet Eating her curds and whey Along came a spider, Sat down beside her, And said, "Hey, what's in the bowl, bitch?" Old Mother Hubbard Went to the cupboard To get her dog a bone She bent over, Rover took over And she got a bone of her own Jack Sprat could eat no fat His wife could eat no lean So Jack ignored those flabby tits And licked her asshole clean Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top Your mother's a whore I ain't your pop Little Bo Peep fucked her sheep Blew a horse, licked his feet She ate his ass so very nice Tongued his balls not once but twice Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater Had a wife, loved to beat her Smacked her twice across the head Fucked her ass and went to bed Little jack Horner sat in a corner Eating a pizza pie He shit pepperoni, blew his friend Tony And wiped his mouth on his tie Twinkle, twinkle little star How I wonder what you are Shine upn the parking lot As I eat my girl friends twat Three blind mice, see how they run Where the fuck are they going? Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe Suck my dick and swallow slow Jack be nimble, Jack be quick Jack burnt off his fuckin' dick There was an old lady Lived in a shoe She had so many kids Her uterus fell out Patty cake, patty cake Baker's man If your chick's on her period Fuck her in the can Mary had a little lamb She kept in her backyard When she took her panties off His wooley dick got hard Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle The cow jumped over the moon That's more than my lazy wife does That fat, fuckin' smelly babboon Doe, a deer, a female deer Ray, The guy that fucked her ass Rub a Dub Dub Three men in a tub Faggots have threesomes, too So fuckin' what Roses are red Violets are blue I fucked your mother's ass And she had you SPAW |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Nigel Parsons Date: 14 Mar 02 - 05:14 AM Mary had a little bear, She treated it so kind. And everywhere that Mary went, You'd see her bear behind. Mary had a little dress, the skirt was split in half. And every step that Mary took, the boys would see her calf. Mary had another dress, split right up the front, But she rarely wore that one. Mary had a little lamb, She also had a duck. She put them on the mantelpiece , To see if they'd f.f.f.fall off. |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Scabby Douglas Date: 14 Mar 02 - 09:20 AM I'd have thought that this might warrant some kind of rating warning... I don't mind a bit of bawdiness, in fact I insist on it.. but I think some postings here have waaaaayy overstepped the bounds of any kind of taste. Cheers
Steven |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Bat Goddess Date: 14 Mar 02 - 09:29 AM Okay back to "good taste": Old Mother Hubbard And from the original Whole Earth Catalog (I think): Mary had a stegasaurus, Linn |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 14 Mar 02 - 09:41 AM Jack be quick Jack be nimble Jack jumped over A phallic symbol |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Nigel Parsons Date: 14 Mar 02 - 09:50 AM Or the "Little Richard" version Jack be nimble, Jack be quick Jack jumped over the candlestick Alas poor Jack, should've jumped higher. Goodness gracious Great.... |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Les from Hull Date: 14 Mar 02 - 10:51 AM Mary had a little lamb She kept it in a bucket And every time the lamb got out The bulldog tried to make friends with it. |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: jeffp Date: 14 Mar 02 - 11:02 AM Old Mother Hubbard Went to the cupboard To fetch her poor daughter a dress. But when she got there, The cupboard was bare And so was her daughter, I guess. |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: SINSULL Date: 14 Mar 02 - 11:22 AM I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle Here is my...here is my...??? Oh well,(with hands on hips) maybe I'm a sugar bowl. Mary had a little lamb With mint jelly. Little miss Muffet Sat on her tuffet Eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider Who sat down beside her And said "Is this seat taken?" SPAW!!! Behind the woodshed. Right now! |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: gnu Date: 14 Mar 02 - 01:03 PM Old King Cole was a merry old soul And a merry old soul was he He alled for his pipe And he called for his bowl I guess we all know about Old King Cole ! |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: gnu Date: 14 Mar 02 - 01:05 PM Oops. I was so anxious to see if the line breaks worked that I forgot to credit that to George Carlin, who did a lot of nursery rhimes. Re Old King Cole, he added... he wanted to get high and listen to the fiddlers ! |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: lady penelope Date: 14 Mar 02 - 01:14 PM Wee Willie Winkie
Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town Mary had a little Lamb
Mary had a little lamb Jack Sprat
Jack Sprat could eat no fat I thank you TTFN M'Lady P. |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Lynn Date: 14 Mar 02 - 01:57 PM Does anyone remember one that started: "Starkle starkle little twink How I wonder what you think" Let's keep it on the clean side, friends, or I won't be able to communicate with you in school!!! Lynn |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: vectis Date: 14 Mar 02 - 02:06 PM Georgie Porgie pudding and pie Kissed the girls and made them cry And when the boys came out to play He kissed them too....He's funny that way Hey diddle diddle the cat did a piddle All over the kitchen floor. The little dog laughed to see such fun So the cat did a little drop more Did I really post that? |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Bat Goddess Date: 14 Mar 02 - 02:30 PM The boy stood on the burning deck His fleece was white as snow. He stuck a feather in his cap John Anderson my jo. Can't remember where I picked THAT up but I think it was one of the books on schoolyard chants. Linn |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Bonnie Shaljean Date: 14 Mar 02 - 03:57 PM Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet Eating her curds and whey Along came a spider And sat down beside her And she ate that too |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Bonnie Shaljean Date: 14 Mar 02 - 04:02 PM [God, these things are like eating chocolates - I can never stop at just one...] Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water At least that's what they said they did But now they've got a daughter |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: lamarca Date: 14 Mar 02 - 04:23 PM Mary, Mary, quite contrary How does your garden grow? With silver bells and cockle shells And one damn tomato plant!
Mary had a little sheep |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: The Walrus Date: 14 Mar 02 - 06:18 PM Simple Simon met a pieman going to the Fair Said Simple Simon to the pieman "What have you got there?" "Pies you fool!"
Mary, Mary, quite contrary
Mary had a little lamb, Walrus |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: rangeroger Date: 14 Mar 02 - 11:37 PM Mary had a little lamb Whose foot was black as soot And into Mary's bread and jam His sooty foot he put. rr |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Metchosin Date: 15 Mar 02 - 01:41 AM Guest Lynne
Sotally Tober
Starkle starkle little twink |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Whippet Date: 15 Mar 02 - 05:05 AM Mary had a little lamb, and it was always gruntin, She tied it to a five bar gate, and kicked it's little ...head in, |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,micca at work Date: 15 Mar 02 - 05:23 AM Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the Kings horses and all the Kings men Had Scrambled egg for breakfast Dr Bell fell down the well and broke his collar bone Doctors should attend the sick and leave the well alone
|
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST Date: 15 Mar 02 - 06:24 AM Sing a song of sixpence Have you any wool? Four and twenty blackbirds Three bags full! When the pie was opened And one for the dame- Wasn't that the dainty dish That lives down the lane? The king was in his counting house Climbing up the spout The queen was in the parlour Washing spiders out The maid was in the garden Drying up the rain When down came a blackbird And climbed the spout again Piter Peper pecked a pick of peckled pippers A pick of peckled pippers Piter Peper pecked If Piter Peper pecked a pick of peckled pippers Where's the pick of peckled pippers Piter Peper pecked |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Hamshank Date: 15 Mar 02 - 09:02 AM Little Jack Horner sat in a corner Eating his girlfriend, Mary He stuck in his thumb And pulled out a plum And said, "Where the hell is your cherry?" Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, My husband will be home in five minutes Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall All the king's horses and all the king's men Said, "Yech!" Little miss Muffet sat on her tuffet Eating her curds and whey Along came a spider And sat down beside her And said, "Hey babe, what's in the bowl?" |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Date: 15 Mar 02 - 07:34 PM There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children, she didn't know what to do, evidently. |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: kendall Date: 15 Mar 02 - 11:32 PM Hickory dickery doc, Two mice ran up her sock One stopped at her garter The other was smarter Hickory dickory doc.
Hickory dickory doc |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Date: 16 Mar 02 - 07:06 PM Almost all of Mother Goose can be lampooned in the following format: Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard To get her poor dog a bone, But when she got there, the cupboard was bare, So she threw it out the window -- The window, the window, The second-story window, But when she got there, etc. The tune may be found in _The New Song Fest_ |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Stu Tonnar, Whitby Date: 17 Mar 02 - 09:03 AM Starkle, starkle little twink, Who the hell I am, I think, I'm not as drunk as people-ay think I am, Besides, I've only had tee martooni's, And I've all day sober to sunday up on!!!!!! |
Subject: RE: BS: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Me Again at Whitby Date: 17 Mar 02 - 09:10 AM Great green globs of greasy grimey gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, concentrated birdie feet, one large jar of pickled, purple porpoise pus, and I've forgotten my spoon! |
Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Argon0 Date: 08 Feb 06 - 06:25 PM Yup, but can't remember the rest of the words... Starkle starkle little twink, How I wonder what you think... (then I've made up the words.. Underneath your hair so brown, maybe you will be a clown...) |
Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Don(Wyziwyg)T Date: 08 Feb 06 - 07:33 PM Sing a song of sixpence A pocket full of rye Four and twenty blackbirds Baked in a pie When the pie was opened A shrivelled blackbird spat "Now come on lads a joke's a joke, What rotten sod did that?" Rockabye baby in the treetop When the wind blows the cradle will rock I was that baby and what bothers me Is why mum and dad stuck me up a tree. From the pen of Richard Digance Don T. |
Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Cluin Date: 08 Feb 06 - 08:15 PM Hickory dickory doc Three mice ran up my cock They all grabbed hold And dragged me back to their hole And that's why you found me in that position, honestly. |
Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: mack/misophist Date: 08 Feb 06 - 09:13 PM One that needs no enhancement is: I do not love thee Dr Fell, The reason why I cannot tell; But this I know and know full well: I do not love thee Dr Fell. Thomas Brown, 17th century It has been claimed that he composed this ex tempore one day in the street when he came upon a professor who had just flunked him. |
Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,J C Date: 09 Feb 06 - 04:32 AM Mary had a little lamb, Fond of leaps and frolics, It did a double somersault And landed on it's shoulder. Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water, Jill came down with half a crown They didn't go up for water! |
Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,Fullerton Date: 09 Feb 06 - 08:41 AM The grand old duke of york .....he had ten thousand men ....... and his case comes up next week. |
Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,gr + jr Date: 19 Feb 06 - 05:22 PM sing a song of sixpence, a fanny full of crabs, sixty one black hairs, twice as many scabs, when the scabs open, the puss begins to sing, what a dirty cunt it is, to stick a penis in!! |
Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: The Fooles Troupe Date: 19 Feb 06 - 05:28 PM Mary had a little lamb, it had a sooty foot. And into Mary's bread and jam, its sooty foot it put. |
Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: raredance Date: 19 Feb 06 - 06:14 PM Hickory dickory dick The administration is sick Those neocon men In the President's den Just don't know a lick |
Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: GUEST,bigheff Date: 18 May 07 - 04:45 PM Hickory dickory doc, that mouse it pulled me cock when me wife found, i hit the bitch withe me sock |
Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Joe_F Date: 18 May 07 - 10:03 PM Mary had a little watch. She swallowed it one day. The doctor gave her laxative To pass the time away. Mary took the laxative, But the time, it would not pass, So if you want to know the time, You can look up Mary's aunt, who has a watch too. |
Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: dick greenhaus Date: 18 May 07 - 10:14 PM Jack be quick Jack be nimble. Jack jump over A phallic symbol. |
Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Muttley Date: 18 May 07 - 10:30 PM Little Miss Muffet Sat oin a tuffet Eating her curds and whey There came a big spider who sat down bwside her And she said "Bugger off, hairy-legs!" Little Jack Horner Sat in a corner Eating a Christmas pie He put in his thumb and pulled out a plum Saying: "Bugger me, that's hot!" Mary, Mary, quite contrary How does you garden grow With horse manure - idiot! Sing a song of sixpence A pocket full of rye Four-and-twenty blackbirds Baked in a pie When the pie was opened, The King screamed "Off with the cooks head!" Old King Cole was a merry old soul And a merry old soul was he He called for a light in the middle of the night To go to the W.C. The light shone on the dunny door The candle took a fit Old King Cole fell down the hole And came coverd in [singing sweetly] Sweeeet Vi-o-lets Sweeter than the ros-es Covered all over from head to toe Covered all over in . . . (finish it with one word abruptly - depending on your own politeness and the audiences broad or narrow-mindedness) Speaking of which - I'm pretty broad minded, but SPAW - go to your room! Muttley |
Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: mrdux Date: 19 May 07 - 01:08 AM Hickory dickory dock Two mice ran up her sock One stopped at the garter The other was smarter Hickory dickory dock. |
Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: mrdux Date: 19 May 07 - 01:10 AM oops -- missed the prevoius posting. sorry about that. |
Subject: RE: Fractured Nursery Rhymes From: Uncle_DaveO Date: 19 May 07 - 11:55 AM Bird vit d' jella bill Hawped upon my vinda-sill Cawcked a shining eye and sez: Vatcha got for breakfast, Sam? vitches? |
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