A Mudcatter's Thank You

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Night Owl
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 06:26 AM

I've been debating for a while here whether or not to continue with this "history". I decided to hit "submit" after thinking about how much validation I feel sometimes, when other members talk about their personal lives and losses. I also don't think "Thank-You" makes sense unless you guys know for what....and how far down some of you reached to pull me up.
So I'm gonna continue from where I left off...

After a while I was done taking care of my brother's unfinished projects, gently tucking him into bed and saying good night to him.
And I had done as much as I could to ease my mother's grief.....and help her find her own "will to live". (She just celebrated her 92nd birthday this Friday.)

I spent a few years working in a Nursing Home..a job I got because I learned that most people ran when I uttered the word "death"..and are REALLY uncomfortable talking about it. Even my closest friends would change the subject trying to be "helpful" and supportive. In the Nursing Home.....death is a subject in a normal conversation.
I was assigned to work with the terminally ill patients....because, they told me, I was "intuitive and have a gentle manner". I learned a lot there, about non-verbal communication, physical and mental disabilities, the importance of music and how much we don't know about brain function. Most importantly, the patients there, and the work I was doing, helped me heal.

I think there comes a time in life, when we sit and reflect, and breathe for a sec...and realize we're NOT getting any younger....and underneath inside, we've had a nagging desire to do something or other....but lacked the time/courage/opportunity to go for it. (I think it's called a "mid-life crisis"...bg.)
Sitting outside on a break at the Nursing Home one night, I realized that I had healed as much as I was going to, had learned as much about life/death as the job could teach me, and to continue in the job was unhealthy.

When I got home that night, I talked with my partner about starting our own business. For years I had run a small horse and carriage thing part time for fun..and mostly just gave free driving lessons, history lessons about the village and about life before the automobile... and "this is a horse, this is the steering wheel, this is the gas pedal, brakes" etc. lessons to kids in town.

My partner had absolute, unquestioning love and respect for not only the me I am, warts and all, but also my knowledge and skills with the horses and teaching.

We decided to go for it.

During the following months, we attended the workshops held by the Small-Business Administration, wrote up a detailed business plan....procured a contract with a five-star hotel/restaurant in town....banged on doors for funding......and finally found a bank willing to take a chance....with no collateral.......to give us the loan.
We were told that the loan was approved.....not only because of the excellent job we did in writing the business plan, but mostly because our commitment, knowledge and belief in what we were doing was contagious. Our goal was to use the income from weddings and special events to support some community stuff we planned to do.

We embarked on what he called a "reconnaissance mission" and found two horses with the unique personalities we needed, commercial harnesses, and two used carriages.

It was a trip I will be forever thankful for taking.

In searching for the equipment, we agreed that I would only look at carriages AFTER they passed his safety inspection tests....mechanical, electrical, structural integrity of the wood etc. and that he would look at horses only AFTER they passed my personality tests.

He wasn't a "perfect" person......and had some personal demons he struggled with....and like many of us...he had well-hidden self-esteem problems. He was one of those people that felt he was a "jack-of-all-trades, master of none"....a GOOD auto mechanic, electrician,framing carpenter and well-respected finish carpenter.....none of which he felt passionate about.

It was amazing to witness......the skills he had learned in his lifetime....coming together with clarity and purpose during our trip......while inspecting the vehicles....meeting,talking with people, his kindness showed through....and in the process....earned him the respect of anyone watching him do his thing....and his passion and commitment to what we were doing got stronger.

He had always been well respected by other people for his skills and intelligence ....but the difference this time was that he felt it himself.

It's a dangerous thing to combine a relationship with work in which only ONE can be the boss. BUT we did it.......with LOTS of humor. He bought a hat with a funny logo on it...and bought me one that said "Boss". We wore our hats when we did business stuff,and took them off when the work was done for the day.
We worked...both of us.....sometimes 18-20 hours a day...enjoying every minute..(well, almost every minute)...to prepare for opening the business. We worked hard and had lots of giggles doing it....we made a good team.

By Dec. of 1994, everything was done.....and we both took other jobs for the rest of the winter.
I began working with an 8yr. old "special needs" boy who had a lot of medical and behavioral problems.

My partner and I made plans to bring the horses and equipment to the village in March, 1995, allowing ourselves time to work out any "bugs" before the tourist season started.

In Feb., 1995 he died.....three weeks before we were to start.
He was the innocent victim of a drug-crazed man with a gun...in the wrong place at the wrong time. The gunman also kidnapped a father and his 2 yr. old son, but thankfully,after a wild ride at gunpoint..let them go...unharmed physically....before turning the gun on himself.

Eventually, I added more stuff to the "memory wall" in my home.......and put his picture on the small table beside my brother's trophy.

This wasn't just a house fire..most aren't. It put me back on those old pages I'm writing about because my "memory wall" stuff burnt.

Today, depending on weather, the bulldozer will be taking down what remains of the structure that was my home. The trees have already been cut down to make room for the heavy equipment.

I have one more "history" post to write here ....after which I hope to share some "Mudcat magic" giggles and "potato peeler" thank-yous.

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Night Owl
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 02:18 AM

sorry, Sorcha.....missed your post while I was typing.
ya, who woulda thunk it...that on the road from birth to death....potato peeler(S) are vital.

I just re-read what I wrote.....I guess this is a "trust-test"......but REALLY, HONEST, there is a heart smile, giggle coming. I gotta blither a bit more, so please bear with me and the yuck stuff.....

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Night Owl
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 02:03 AM

No one died in the fire.......one fireman was injured by a live electrical wire......but has fully recovered now. He did have to suffer through bunches of jokes about how good he looked with short hair.

In that house also was lots of photographs and "memorabilia".

My older brother was killed in 1987 in a fiery traffic accident....on the Pa/Ohio border, while on his way home from a contradance caller's workshop in Berea, Kentucky.

I took my old lap dulcimer with me to the graveyard. It strikes me now as I am writing, how odd .....out of all those instruments that I was comfortable with..that at the last minute, I grabbed the lap dulcimer to bring with me for comfort.

It was a private burial, we held a public memorial service for him later.

After the casket was lowered and everyone else had left except his girlfriend, I took the lap dulcimer out of the car, and Alice and I sat on the stone wall surrounding the cemetary, under a huge white pine.....and I played for him......and her, and me. Just two simple songs.....over and over..... she asked me to play them some more....over and over.
The sound was perfect, peaceful... hypnotic...and soothed us enough after a while to stop our shaking. The songs were "River"-Bill Staines and "Rivers of Texas" I had learned from an old Sandy and Caroline Paton album I had. ( the album wasn't all THAT old.....just in case Sandy happens to read this...)

When my brother died, I left my job as a Paralegal, because my career involved giving legal advice, and crisis intervention....and my own house wasn't "in order".

Although it's been 15 yrs. now since his death..I continue to miss him daily......but my stomach no longer churns and the pain doesn't stab me any longer.

When we were kids, we went to summer camps every year......and learned BUNCHES of those fun, obscure songs. As teen-agers, he collected Everly Bros. records, I collected Elvis and Buddy Holly. We both bought other 45's weekly with money we earned doing odd jobs in the neighborhood. Because of our collection, he became a popular dj at our local "record hops".

Until he died, we could count on each other always.....a phone call away...to remember the tune or that obscure lyric from a camp song one of us was trying to remember.

Thank-you...Max, Dick, Susan, elves, Mudcats, members, and guests for asking the questions and giving the answers!

As adults, we both learned to play guitar....and through the years he collected every Gordon Bok album in existence....some of which had personalized signatures from Gordon to him. He also collected a variety of Contra-dance music and Hammer-Dulcimer music...and was planning to learn to play the HD.....he had just purchased the hammers and "learn to play" cassette tapes..and was planning to buy his Dulcimer when he got back from Berea.

After his death, I brought his tapes, albums and music stuff home with me...AND the Hammers he had bought for the HD. I also brought home silly stuff he had saved.. like our Captain Midnight decoder rings, and a letter he had saved that I had sent him...written in our "secret" code at camp.

In my home I had a small "memory wall" in the corner of my living room.....which had trinkets hung on it....which to me, represented my grandmother and grandfather's lives. I added my brother's hammers for the HD and a couple other things of his to it.

And on the small table in the corner, I put a sailing trophy he had won and had (proudly) given to me.

Subject: RE: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Sorcha
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 12:54 AM

Yes, dear heart, and at least you have a potato peeler now..........luv ya!

Subject: A Mudcatter's Thank You
From: Night Owl
Date: 20 Mar 02 - 12:39 AM

There are no tunes; lost lyrics to songs; tablature or musical wisdom in this posting.

I just need to talk with you guys for a bit....some folks would call it "nattering"....
I call it blithering...;o)

BUT whatever we call it, under these words is a deep, sincere, thank-you ...to Max...

to this magic place called Mudcats.....

AND to its incredible members.

Sorry for not putting a "BS" title to this..couldn't do it...BUT I trust that those of you who believe Mudcats should be a music only site and stumbled into this thread by mistake, will find numerous music threads to enjoy today.

This'll take a while, Max knows some of this already, but I do want the rest of our members to know what Mudcats and 'Catters have been doing for me here.

Sooooo....some history......and I don't have a chance of keeping this brief!!!

Some of you may remember, that in late July of 1999, my home and three generations of contents, was destroyed by fire....caused by lightening during a severe thunderstorm.

I wasn't home at the time....I was away on vacation.

In that house was also my collection of old books, music books, old record albums,handmade wooden toys from Tennessee, well used percussion instruments for children, @300 cassette tapes I made over thirty years-of festivals, late night jams, music parties, band rehearsals, performances, friends etc.

There was also a variety of musical instruments . ..including 13 stringed instruments and my old beautiful (to my eyes and ears) upright piano. the list goes on......

No Martin guitars or other "expensive" instruments....but as you know, after spending time with an instrument,....it becomes a trusted friend....and through the years you learn how to compensate for the individual "idiosyncracies" of each one....they become a part of who we are, or at least they did with me.

Some of those instruments were also responsible, over the years, for introducing small children, Head Start classrooms,lost teenagers, and adult friends into a world of music.......as being something they were capable of playing themselves....and having FUN doing it.

A few have become accomplished musicians now...just because.....in the right place, at the right time, when they were searching teenagers, feeling like misfits and getting in trouble, they held a silly, goofy-looking, old "home-made" lap dulcimer and made a note or two play well enough to open the door and let their own talent come out.


All of us here at Mudcats are lovers of ....and share a passion for......music.
Some of you understand how devastating the loss of my music stuff was...and have suffered similar losses yourselves,........so I won't travel further down that road to articulate it.

taking a break here for a bit...LOTS more coming..