Songs about root canals & dental horrors

Subject: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: SharonA
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 05:44 PM

I'm going to the endodontist first thing Monday morning for a root canal. This'll be my second and, hopefully, it'll be nothing like the first, 4 years ago this month: the dentist excavated twice, then gave up and sent me to the endodontist for two more spelunkings... and they still weren't able to remove all of the root! Had a nasty infection for a long time. And somewhere between the 2nd and 3rd digging, my mother dropped dead! Between the 3rd and 4th, my brother went into the hospital for a very serious operation! (He's okay now, though!)

So I hope I may be forgiven if I'm a little superstitious about having another root canal in the month of March. In fact, I had the opportunity to take an appointment the same week as the anniversary of my mother's death, but I declined it. (Why push my luck? After all, my father's in a nursing home already!)

Anyway, I'm wondering if there are any songs about root canals that I can hum to myself while I'm sniffing that happy-gas. Songs about similar dental horrors will be appreciated as well. Thanks, and wish me luck!

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: Art Thieme
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 05:53 PM

Woody Guthrie wrote a great one---"Jackhammer John" ! ;-)

Tell your dentist you don't want novacaine. That so you can transcend dental medication.

How about,

I had a mule and her name was Sal,
Fifteen miles on the Root Canal...
;-)

Have fun---

Art Thieme

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: lamarca
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 06:02 PM

My favorite transcend-dental song is "Then It Won't Hurt No More", an old-time hokum song about a lady's, ah, interactions with her dentist. It's been recorded by The New Lost City Ramblers and Double Decker Stringband, and I'm surprised that the lyrics aren't on Mudcat. You can hear an audio clip of it at Barnes and Noble's page for The Young Fogies, which has the NLCR version.

I've had only one root canal - so far...

Good luck!

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: catspaw49
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 06:29 PM

Aw geez Art....THAT was a BEAUT!!!!!

Before the valve replacement, I had to have a clean bill of "dental health" and I had a lot of problems that would take months to do. So instead I had a "Complete Oral Rehabilitation".........I went into the OR at OSU University Hospital, the same ones who were doing the valve, and three hours later I was awake and everything had been done!!! A little post op pain but damn little and virtually none in comparison to multiple dental visits!

Spaw

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: ciarili
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 06:30 PM

I've got quite a high tolerance for pain, so that it usually takes hours before I'll realise I have a headache. However I had 4 fillings done that hurt so much, I had to take aspirin before I ate anything for 2 or 3 months straight! I wish they HAD done root canals - no pain after the root's out. I still have to be careful about temperature, even though it's been 16 years.

I tell people that my fillings go up to brain and down to my knees!

Good luck to you,

ciarili

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: Hrothgar
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 07:16 PM

Is somebody going to write a song about the way dentists cheerfully wave that monstrous needle about four inches in front of your eyes before they stick it in?

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: dagenham doc
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 07:36 PM

I thought I had my dentist fooled, I only called in for a check[br] Jump up on the couch and open your mouth, i'll just have a look at the back.[br] I was telling me mate how it hurt me as the memory of pain I recalled,[br] as he pulled and he pulled and he pulled and he pulled and he pulled and he pulled and he pulled.[br]

Then he pulled and he pulled and he pulled and he pulled and he pulled and he pulled[br] Then he pulled and he pulled and he pulled and he pulled and he pulled and he pulled and he pulled.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooww! Didn't arf hurt

Doc.

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: Bev and Jerry
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 07:50 PM

Is that what is meant by "roots music"?

Bev and Jerry

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: catspaw49
Date: 22 Mar 02 - 08:00 PM

Bev and Jerry challenge Art in the bad pun category!!! Good job Guys!!! I gotta' brush up on my skills as the thread is filling up with them.

Spaw

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: reggie miles
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 08:13 AM

Try This

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: Charley Noble
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 09:24 AM

Here in Maine we don't go to the dentist to have our teeth cleaned, filled or rotor-rooted. We go to have 'em hauled.

Away, haul away!
I's got that upper molar, to-meee!
Away, haul away!
We'll haul away, JOE!

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: DMcG
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 09:35 AM

No-one's mentioned 'Be a Dentist' from the Little Shop of Horrors

  ORIN
  When I was younger, just a bad little kid
  My mama noticed funny things I did
  Like shooting puppies with a B.B. gun
  I'd poison guppies and when I was done
  I'd find a pussycat and bash in its head
  That's when my mama said  
  
  CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON
  What did she say?
  
  ORIN
  She said, "My boy, I think someday
  You'll find a way to make your natural tendencies pay
  
  You'll be a dentist
  You have a talent for causing things pain
  Son, be a dentist 
  People will pay you to be inhumane
  Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
  And teaching would suit you still less
  Son, be a dentist  
  You'll be a success
  
  CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON
  Here he is, folks the leader of the plaque!
  Watch him suck up that gas!  
  Oh, my god!
  He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good
  Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?
  Oh that hurts!  
  I'm not numb!
  
  ORIN
  Oh, shut up.  Open wide.  here I come!
  I am your dentist 
  
  CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON
  Goodness gracious!
  
  ORIN
  And I enjoy the career that I picked  
  I am your dentist 
  
  CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON
  Fitting braces
  
  ORIN
  And I get off on the pain I inflict
  When I start extracting those molars
  You girls will be screaming like holy rollers
  
  CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON
  Dentist!
  
  ORIN
  And though it may cause my patients distress
  Somewhere in heaven above me, I know that my mama's proud of me
  'Cause I'm a dentist- and a success
  Say ah! Now spit.
  

--- Line breaks <br> added ---
---Jeff (PA)---

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: DMcG
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 09:36 AM

Ok, so Mudcat HTML doesn't support PRE tags. Sorry, folks!

---

Hi - about Mudcat and <PRE> tags: The tags don't put in <BR> line breaks, but you'll notice that they give the text a

monospaced typeface

that's good for posting chords aligned above lyrics. Be sure to close the section with </PRE>
Hope that helps.
-Joe Offer-

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: reggie miles
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 02:09 PM

I guess I could have the put chords to that tune down when I posted it in the songbook. I will do so here SharonA to give you an idea of how it flows. Basically it has a simple, three chord progression. One of those vaguely folkish alterna-rock or vaguely rockish alterna-folk things, depending on how you look at it. Either way, the idea for this song has stood the test of time. I excavated it from the hole in the back yard where I buried it in an old mayonnaise jar twenty years hence from whence I first conceived it. I don't yet have it together to link you to a sound file but I could play it during tommorow's Paltalk session. So, if you can listen in there I'll consider it a request and you can hear how I manage it. Then you can interpret it as you see fit.

(D) I gotta a little baby and she's so very sweet
(G) A pretty little honey and she's so very sweet.
(A) Every time I turn around I got cavities in my teeth.

(D) My dentist bills are gettin' oh so very high.
I'm takin' (G) novocaine to ease my pain,
but the (D) pain's insane and that's no lie.
I've got (A) gold fillin' up the (D) holes in my teeth,
'cause my (D) baby's kind o' lovin' is so natchrally sweet.

(chorus)
She's so, (D) naturally, naturally, sweet sweet.
naturally, naturally, sweet sweet.
(G7) naturally, naturally, sweet, sweet.
(D) naturally, naturally, sweet sweet.
I've got (A) gold fillin' up the (G) holes in my teeth,
because my (D) baby's kind o' lovin' is so natchrally sweet.

I've tried (D) Aim, Gleem and even Crest,
Colgate, Pepsodent and all the rest.
I am (G7) confessin' that her confection,
is the (D) reason for my affection.
Oh mister (A) dentist man (G) please be kind,
just a- (D) -nother shot o' nitrous and I'll be fine.

(repeat chorus)

They took (D) honey from the bee, (D) sugar from the cane,
(D) mixed'em both together and that's her claim to fame.(G7)
Even sacchrin and (D) aspertame,
no, they (A) can't hold a candle,
cuz she (G) can't be beat.
My (D) baby's kind o' lovin' is so natchrally sweet.

(repeat chorus)


I, of course, realize this song is a bit of a twist from what you requested but maybe you can stretch it, yank it, grind it down, drill it out and reconstruct it to suit your purposes. Ouch that one hurt! ;O)

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: SharonA
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 03:03 PM

Reggie says, "Maybe you can stretch it, yank it, grind it down, drill it out and reconstruct it to suit your purposes."

Yup, I know the drill. *BG*

Thanks, everyone, for your song submissions. Unfortunately, I can't listen in to PalTalk at this time, so I'll miss your song, Reggie (but I hope you'll sing it anyway!). If you have a way to record any of these songs and send me a CD, please PM me and I'll reply with my mailing address.

Thanks, too, for the puns and giggles. Keep 'em coming; I'll need to have my sense of humor in high gear on Monday! And keep posting songs, be they big or small incisor content! ;^)

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: Richard Bridge
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 07:03 PM

UK comedy duo called "Kick the Cat"

Try their website (www.kickthecat.xxxxxx).

THe dentist - the the tune of the Lincolnshire Poacher.

And I love the thrill of my musical drill
As it goes right through the nerve..."

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: Art Thieme
Date: 23 Mar 02 - 11:14 PM

During the recent floods in Appalachia, several denizens of the area were observed with their tooth brushes standing on the banks of the deluge. When asked what they were doing, they answered, "We are waiting for the Crest."

Jackhammer John was a jackhammer man,
Born with a jackhammer in his hand,
Lord, God, I've got the jackhammer blues.

Hammered on the molars and the wisdoms too,
Gonna dig out them roots befor I'm through,
Lord, God, I got them jackhammer blues.

-----Woody

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: reggie miles
Date: 24 Mar 02 - 11:25 AM

Nutz! When am I gonna learn to dump them long posts into word to fix all those typos before I post 'em?

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: Marion
Date: 24 Mar 02 - 10:48 PM

There's a song on a Lonnie Johnson album (not sure if he wrote it) called Toothache Blues. It's male-female duet and is full of sexual innuendo.

Marion

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: dwditty
Date: 25 Mar 02 - 08:30 AM

Fred Koller wrote a song about having an affair with a dentist's wife. You can actually feel the pain as the dentist gets even....drill sounds and all. Ouch!!!!!!!!!!

dw

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: Wolfgang
Date: 25 Mar 02 - 09:19 AM

A verse from the song Doktor Eisenbarth:

Zu Wien kuriert' ich einen Mann,
(in Vienna I cured a man)
Der hatte einen hohlen Zahn,
(who had a hollow tooth)
Ich schoß ihn 'raus mit dem Pistol,
(I shot it out with a pistol)
Ach Gott, wie ist dem Mann so wohl!
(by God, how well he feels now.)

Wolfgang

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: GUEST,.gargoyle
Date: 26 Mar 02 - 12:25 AM

Read "The Learning of Little Tree" (fake historical) section about "jumping a tooth"...my dentist loved it.

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: SharonA
Date: 26 Mar 02 - 10:21 AM

Thanks again to you all, for helping me get through Root Canal Part One yesterday. Strangely enough, despite of all the song suggestions, I walked into the endodontist's office humming Herb Alpert's "Tijuana Taxi"! I don't know why.

But please do keep those songs coming; I have Root Canal Part Two to look forward to dread, on April 24th! By then I hope to learn more of these songs, and I'll have my musical arsenal at the ready.

All Praise to the discoverer of nitrous oxide gas! Thanks to the happy-gas, I didn't even mind (too much) watching the doctor pass each of his tools before my eyes on his way to my tooth! That part where he dug into my jaw forcefully enough to bob my head up and down was a bit annoying, though. I can't say I'm all better now, but they tell me the pain will subside in a few days (I hope so; it took a couple of months with the previous tooth, but that one was infected – I coulda used Wolfgang's pistol then!). I keep telling my body I'm doing the right thing, but my body ain't buyin' it just yet....

Could be worse... I could be having this thing done in Maine... *walking away singing Charley's "Away, haul away! We'll haul away, Joe!" :^)*

Sharon

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: Abby Sale
Date: 26 Mar 02 - 10:24 AM

SharonA, by now you've either survived or you haven't but there's still plenty of room for encouraging words in this thread. I can think of two trad songs.

That poisoned tooth reverence, of course reminds us of "Springfield Mountain." Someone who should have gone to the dentist before sucking on Timothy.

But a greater warning can be found in the "happy?" file for Jan 31:

Two dentists botched an abortion on Pearl Bryan of Greencastle, Indiana. Naturally, they then killed her. Then decapitated her.

A verse:

           Young ladies, if you'll listen, a story I'll relate,
           Which happened near St Thomas in the old Kentucky state.
           It was January the 31st, that awful deed was done,
           By Jackson & Walling. How cold Pearl's blood did run.
  

From Olive Woolley Burt, American Murder Ballads, 1958.
And per The New Green Mountain Songster, HH Flanders, etc., 1939 & 1966, they were both hanged on 3/20/1897.

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 26 Mar 02 - 10:54 AM

How about Camille West's "Root Canal of the Heart"? -- complete with sound effects.

I had a root canal a year and a half ago and don't remember any pain at all other than a little tenderness for the rest of the day(s).

Linn

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: SharonA
Date: 26 Mar 02 - 12:15 PM

Linn: I guess that some people are more pain-sensitive than others. My regular dentist has complained that he has to pick a spot other than the textbook location for inserting the Novocaine needle into me, or else it won't work for me. Yesterday the endodontist had to pause in the middle of the root-canal procedure to give me a third shot of Novocaine because I was still feeling some pain after the first two! (Is it any wonder I'm a dental phobic?!?)

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: Bat Goddess
Date: 26 Mar 02 - 05:30 PM

I've had the problem of not having the Novocaine "take" -- which usually means they give me way more and I can't feel my nose for a day. When I was a kid the dentist wouldn't believe that the Novocaine hadn't worked and he pulled the abscessed tooth anyway. I'm glad the body has no memory of pain! (Took me a long time to trust dentists or adults after that.)

Linn

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: Hawker
Date: 26 Mar 02 - 05:44 PM

I cannot remember all the words, but I heard this at Crediton Folk Festival (I think) 2 years ago......
It is to the tune of Constant Lovers as sung on the CD 'Voices - English Traditional Songs' track 9 sung by Martyn Wyndham Read. The version I heard was sung by George Withers and Im not sure if he wrote it?:....

The chorus was

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, my tooth is gone
It's the tooth I adore,
Its gone - and I never
shall see it no more

The verses were really funny, all about the contortions of having toothache and having a tooth pulled. Sorry I cannot remember the rest, but perhaps someones memory may be stirred by this!
Cheers,
Lucy

Subject: RE: Songs about root canals & dental horrors
From: SharonA
Date: 26 Mar 02 - 05:50 PM

Linn: Yeah, I got that same sort of dental treatment, too, when I was a kid (abcessed teeth pulled when I was 3 or 4, around 1960). The body may have no memory of pain, but the mind sure has! More than that, though, I remember the bleeding and the child-fear that it wouldn't stop!