ARRGH! (not pirate songs)

Subject: ARRGH! (not pirate songs, either)
From: erica
Date: 13 May 98 - 01:10 PM

no one really need read this, i was just gettin' mad frustrated with my computer. havin' a rough day, thought i'd come check out the scene over here, find some neato stuff... and i'm about ready to beat the damn machine silly with a big stick. ah well... (also, i kind of dig starting threads, too. don't do it enough. i promise the next one will have a point!)

pirate songs are great, though!! :)

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: erica...again
Date: 13 May 98 - 01:14 PM

and what is all that crazy bold about? geez, i thought i had the hang of it. that's it. i'm going outside...

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Bill in Alabama
Date: 13 May 98 - 01:26 PM

erica-- we all have days like that; some of us more frequently than others. Things can only improve--I hope.

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Alice
Date: 13 May 98 - 01:29 PM

that's the way, erica, go out and smell the roses!!
alice

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Bert
Date: 13 May 98 - 01:35 PM

Erica,

Didn't anyone tell you the penalty for starting a pointless thread. Now you have to go and WRITE A SONG about it.

Bert.

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Allan C.
Date: 13 May 98 - 03:20 PM

"ARRGH!" Yelled the Captain.
"ARRGH!" Quoth the Mate.
"ARRGH!" Came the mimic of the moulting parrot, Tate.
The word passed 'round above decks and below
That Erica, the Captain was cursing at her fate.

"Cursed be the bloody thing!"
Her volume now fourfold,
"If only I could get this vessel to do as it is told."
But it continued to ignore the Captain's clearest of commands
"I ask for sweet simplicity and what I get is bold!"


I thought I might help with that part, Bert. Sorry, never quite finished it and couldn't find a tune. Yes, Erica, we have all had days like that. But remember back when we were computer illiterate? Ah life was simple then! But the down side is that we didn't have Mudcat to go to either!

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Art Thieme
Date: 13 May 98 - 04:01 PM

A parrot named TATE???

That can only mean, Erica, that you have TWO parrots in actuality. The other one, "K.O." by name.Do they ever fight? YES--Tate starts it. And then: K.O. peck Tate!!!

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Bill in Alabama
Date: 13 May 98 - 04:08 PM

AARGH! Indeed!

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (computers!!!)
From: Pete M
Date: 13 May 98 - 05:11 PM

The trouble with most people who use computers is that they think that computers are electronic machines which operate logically. We professionals *KNOW* the little man inside is out to cause as much trouble as possible. I always give the thing a damn good thrashing for the cgood of its soul - works every time.

Pete (just because you are paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you) M

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Sheye
Date: 13 May 98 - 05:17 PM

All the little spirits that used to squeek the doors in old houses now LURK in computer equipment. Ya gotta talk nice to them and just avoid them completely on PMS days. Remember - it's never the users' fault.

Sheye

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: RonU
Date: 14 May 98 - 12:24 AM

ARRGH matey, them what dies 'll be the lucky ones !

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Art Thieme
Date: 14 May 98 - 12:44 AM

PLEASE SMILE??

It's called PMS 'cause Mad Cow Disease was already taken!

Subject: Lyr Add: THE LAST SASKATCHEWAN PIRATE^^^
From: steve t
Date: 14 May 98 - 12:59 AM

The South Saskatchewan Pirate by The Arrogant Worms

I used to be a farmer, and I made a living fine;
I had a little stretch of land along the CP line.
But times went by and though I tried, the money wasn't there,
And bankers came and took my land, and told me fair is fair.

I looked for every kind of job, ther answer always No!
Hire you now, they'd always laugh, we just let twenty go,
The Government, they promised me a measly little sum,
But I've got too much pride to end up -- just another bum...

Then I thought, who gives a damn, if all the jobs are gone...
I'm gonna be a pirate on the River Saskatchewan!

Arr, Arr!
('Cause it's a) hee, HO! hi, HO! comin' down the plains,
Stealin' wheat an' barley, and all the other grains.
It's a ho, HEY! hi, HEY! farmers bar your doors,
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores.
Arr, Arr!

Well, you'd think the local farmers would know that I'm at large,
But just the other day, I found an unprotected barge:
I snuck up right behind them, and they were not the wiser,
I rammed their ship and sank it and stole their fertilizer!

A bridge outside of Moose Jaw spans a mighty river,
Farmers cross in so much fear, their stomachs are aquiver
'Cause they know that Pirate Jack is hidin' in the bay
I'll jump the bridge and knock 'em cold and sail off with their hay!

Refrain: (Arr, Matey! Get it?)**

Well Mountie Bob he chased me, he was always at my throat,
He'd follow on the shore line, 'cause he didn't own a boat,
But cutbacks were a comin', so the Mountie lost his job;
So now he's sailin' with me and we call him Salty Bob!

A swingin' bunch of scum'n'bones, a pleasant company,
I never pay my income tax, and screw the GST (screw it!)
They call me down in Saskatoon the terror of the sea,
If you wanna reach the Co-op, boy, you've got to come by me!

Refrain:

Well pirate life's appealing but you don't just find it here,
I've heard that in Alberta there's a band of buccaneers,
They roam the Athabasca, from Smith to Fort McKay,
And you're gonna lose your Stetson if you have to pass their way!

Well winter days are comin', and the chill is in the breeze,
My pirate days are over once the River starts to freeze,
I'll be back in springtime, but now I have to go,
I hear there's lots of plunderin' down in New Mexico!

Repeat refrain twice.

(** for the non-Canadians: Metis are is the half-French, half-native culture that unsuccessfully rebelled against rule from central Canada, just about the time the railway was built.)

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: steve t
Date: 14 May 98 - 01:02 AM

Previous song should be: "The South Saskatchewan Pirate Song" I think. Another note: the GST is the Goods and Services Tax.

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Chris U
Date: 14 May 98 - 08:36 AM

Speaking of pirate songs , who can forget Lincoln Park Pirates by Steve Goodman? A true gem!

Chris

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Nora
Date: 14 May 98 - 09:50 AM

Art:

RE your Mad Cow contribution:

I'll laugh if you'll laugh.

Q: Why don't men get Mad Cow Disease?

A: Men aren't cows, they're pigs.

:)

Also:

It's true, Sheye and Erica, that computers can sense our menstrual cycles and it makes them nervous. Just like some men, they respond by cowering in fear and responding inappropriately to our desires and commands, which only makes us madder. Remember: they are more afraid of you than you are of them. Plus, you have a whole pirate ship at your command, apparently.

Nora

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Jack (who is called Jack)
Date: 14 May 98 - 10:16 AM

Erica,

It is a little known fact that most personal computers are now shipped directly from the manufacturer 'pre-possessed'. That is, they already have malevolent demons fully interleaved within the operating system. This arrangement was apparently forced upon them by the operating system's supplier, Gehenna Inc, in spite of repeated requests by end users and OEMs to make these demons 'excorcisable'. The CEO of Gehenna Inc, who's true name must not be mentioned lest your mortal soul be rent and banished to the eternal fire to writhe in agony beyond the end of time, insists that these demons are an integral part of the new operating system. "Its a fundamental advance that will ultimately benefit end users", he declared at a recent press conference. He continues to deny the rampant accusations that his true motive is to enslave all men into the eternal service of all that is unholy.

As for me, I'm seriously thinking of buying a quill pen.

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: erica
Date: 14 May 98 - 12:28 PM

ah, sweet, you folks are all brilliant! thanks for the support (and songs--esp. allan c.)!! as you can see, i actually did make it back in and upon taking the advice of jack, am planning a seance around the computer tonight...then all will be well, of course.
all this talk of pirates has gotten me thinking...if, perhaps, i should happen to find a vacant pirate ship lying about, wouldn't it be grand to have a schooner full o'singing mudcats sailing around the world? (i don't really have to be captain.) we'd be AARGHing in four part harmony!

(for all you hudson river people or anyone else who'd know it--it could be a big giant international version of the clearwater sloop!) mmm....daydreams...yum

and sheye and nora, i think that we're gonna have to figure out how to get a PMSympathetic chip installed in these techno-babies...know any programmers?

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: erica
Date: 14 May 98 - 12:30 PM

oh, and alice--i didn't go smell any roses...instead i sang songs from Carmen on the banks of a swollen river...it was really pretty! : )

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Mountain Dog
Date: 14 May 98 - 12:50 PM

Dear Jack (who is known as Jack),

Quill pens are a fine idea as long as one chooses them judiciously. It was Ambrose Bierce who observed that there are both wise and foolish geese out there and the sagacious writer must protect his or her reputation through a careful selection of the source of his/her quills!

Subject: Lyr Add: I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A LUDDITE...
From: Cuilionn
Date: 14 May 98 - 03:20 PM

Don't know if this one has made the rounds of mudcat yet, but this seemed like a good place for it. The rest of the G & S parodies from this source are delightful too, but my internet luddite friends in the international oxymoron sisterhood like this one best:

I Am The Very Model Of A Luddite On The Internet
(One Woman's View) by Sophie Vitkovitsky

I am the very model of a Luddite on the Internet
I've hacked away for ages but I really haven't got it yet
Confounded by advancements in mysterious technology
I settle into vitriol and eloquent scatology
My screen's monochromatic, I've no graphic capability
(Though some would claim that colours on one's screen suggest virility)
My motherboard is ancient, proof of long-gone genealogy
The whole contraption's just a tragic ode to gerontology
The 'puter's like a lions' den, and I am like a Daniel
Don't know how to approach it 'cos I can't decrypt the manual
Confronted by instructions on the screen, I get quite panicky
And spend a long time searching for that most elusive "any" key
The workings seem so delicate, so dreadfully precarious
Requiring careful handling, like a crumbly Stradivarius
Rememb'ring that my 'puter's just a nest of fragile wiring
I stop myself from kicking it to keep it from expiring
To matters computational, I'll gain a great affinity
And prove that thinking technic'ly ain't linked to masculinity
'Til then, my lack of expertise may well seem highly risible
But I've yet to blow up a thing! -- or join the choir invisible

(Website source to be listed in future post...)

Gabh spòrs,

--Cuilionn

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Deus ex machina
Date: 14 May 98 - 03:50 PM

!!Jack was right!!... proof

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Nora
Date: 14 May 98 - 05:07 PM

It was a programmer who tipped me off to the PMS thing; it seems like she would have done something about it if it were possible. I'll request further action. Personally I enjoyed the opportunity to take a bath when the computer stalled. However I was not on a deadline at the time.

Nora

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Sheye
Date: 14 May 98 - 05:37 PM

I'm not the one with PMS. It's the computer that's hormonal. I, on the other hand, am never moody!! (Got some land for sale...)

Sheye

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (Pirate computers)
From: Pete M
Date: 14 May 98 - 08:50 PM

DON'T mention programmers unless you have a cross wooden stake and garlic handy, they are the spawn of the devil, the evil one incranate, and probably related to Bill you know who - Pauses to wipe spittle froth from lips - as for PMS (Pentium Motherboard syndrome) its enough to make two plus two = 3.9889989 recurring!

Put me down as fist mate me heraties and I'll make them scurvy knaves wish they'd never bin born - hangin's too good for em!

Pete M

PS can we make that a barque? Sloops are boring, not enough masts, and no yards arms to string people at.

PPS Can I wear my velvet tights when I whip the crew please please

PPPS Did you know that if a computer program is copyright it means you have the right to copy it?

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Cuilionn
Date: 14 May 98 - 10:59 PM

Sorry the formatting got lost on that song I posted... Here's the source for it if you'd like to read it without yer eyes going like this------> %-(

http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~valkyrie/parody/luddite.html

Yahoo has a sizable area devoted to parody collections and musical humor links, if you are in need of further hilarity!

Gabh spòrs,

--Cuilionn

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: erica
Date: 15 May 98 - 12:26 PM

pete m--you can have whatever sort of ship ye like....
and did you really think we'd object to your velvet tights? (ooh, are they red?) aye, matey, them's gonna be the required uniform!!

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Art Thieme
Date: 13 Jun 98 - 10:44 AM

"Elder Bordee" is a great pirate ballad! Or, is that what's wanted on this thread?

The barque is worse than it's bite!!

pirate joke: William Penn, who had 2 aunts, made wonderful pastries--for which they charged a fortune. Yes, the "pie rates" of "Penn's-aunts" was the talk o' the town!

Art

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: Big Mick
Date: 13 Jun 98 - 11:06 AM

ARRRRRTTTT, YOU'RE KILLIN ME!!!!!!god that was awful.

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: O'Boyle
Date: 15 Jun 98 - 11:20 PM

Have you ever heard the pirate alphabet. here it is, but it must be said with a pirate acent. arr(R), ohh(O), ooo(u). Hey, I'm a muscician not a comedian...

Rick

Subject: RE: ARRGH! (not pirate songs)
From: wolfz
Date: 16 Jun 98 - 03:05 AM

to pete m

i thimk that some royal purple tights would be totally awesome.